The Culture of Hospitality in Moldova and the United States

The uninvited guest wreaks the havoc of marauding TatarsThis tongue-in-cheek comparison between the unplanned visit and invasion by Mongolian-Tatarian tribes signifies at least two aspects of Moldovan hospitality. First, the treatment of guests in one's home follows a cultural norm that prescribes not only the attitude toward visitors, but also the protocol of a host's behavior. Moldovan rules of hospitality provide hosts with guidelines for proper comportment during a visit. Second, the adage suggests that guests can expect their host to adhere to a traditional standard of hospitable conduct. This helps to eliminate the uncertainty guests might experience in someone else's home and alerts them to the efforts their host exerts on their behalf. In the United States, hospitality is also highly valued. However, norms for a host's conduct are likely to range widely given the many cultures that shape American society. Whereas in Moldovan society sedulous care is paid to staying with, entertaining, and feeding each guest, such constant involvement with a guest in the United States is likely to be perceived as oppressive. In the latter context, it is most desirable to provide for the personal well-being of guests, while simultaneously respecting their freedom and individual choice.The choices leftto guests in the United States may include when to come and go during the day and evening, and if not what to eat, then when and how much to eat. The guest will typically select their own activities and may be expected to enlist their own transportation. Although this laissez faire attitude toward hospitality is largely a sign of respect for the individuality and freedom of choice accorded guests (Etiquette in North America, 2012), it is at least partially also a manifestation of an American host's individualism. The North American orientation to personal autonomy, self-sufficiency, and selfdetermination is not sacrificed for the sake of a guest, especially a stranger to whom we owe little more than good intentions (Wang & Liu, 2010). On the other hand, in Moldovan society dutiful adherence to the culturally defined rules of hospitality reflects upon the class and breeding of one's entire family (Bejan, 2010).The Moldovan guest begins his or her stay with a visit to a room (and sometimes a whole house) that represents the family's heritage and traditions. This k^s^ m^re (pronounced "casa mare" which literally translates as "big room") contains the family's heirlooms and treasures depicting a sort of family museum. In this room are carpets with national ornaments, traditional clothing and pottery. No one lives in this room (or house), but special events in the family are held there. It is certain that the Moldovan host will quickly supply a bottle of good wine and the best food available. Food plays an integral role is Moldovan hospitality with a table full of different kinds of foods and wines in what amounts to a cult of food. A guest who rejects an offer to eat or drink is committing a grievous act of disrespect to a host. Guests are treated as hosts would wish to be treated. If guest stays overnight, they are offered the best couches in the house. If there is not enough space to accommodate everyone, the host sleeps on the floor and the guest takes the host's bed. These are traditional expressions of the generosity that is characteristic of hosts in Moldovan society.During a recent trip across the United States with three other international student friends, the first author was able to experience first-hand a range of practices that defined the hospitality of a cross-section of hosts. Anastasiia relied on a website www.couchsurfing.com to register and schedule visits to homes across the country. These travelers based their expectations on the traditions with which they were familiar in Moldova and Afghanistan (one student grew up experiencing the hospitality customs of this middleeastern society: Customs not unrelated to those of Moldova). …