Where I end, where you begin

![Figure][1] Nicolas Epley begins Mindwise outside a courthouse in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Epley (a social psychologist at the University of Chicago) and his wife have just legally adopted two Ethiopian children. Epley is both perplexed and anxious before first meeting their biological father, who has agreed to have them adopted. What did this man think, believe, feel, and want for his children? This opening vignette is the first of many examples taken from the author's personal life, news headlines, and empirical science that drive this fast-moving and highly readable book. Epley's central concern is articulating the ways in which we both understand and, very often, misunderstand other people, even those close to us. Epley delivers the good news that we all have a sixth sense, an ability to read minds. The bad news is that we are not very good at it. However, there is hope. In the book, Epley draws on a wealth of empirical social psychological research to help make sense of how humans understand and misunderstand one another. Moreover, his experiments show how people, even couples, overestimate how well they think they know others. Not only do the participants in his studies misunderstand one another, they are also largely unaware of their mistakes. ![Figure][1] PHOTO: PASIEKA/SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY/CORBIS Some of the shortcomings of our mindreading ability stem from how we engage and disengage it at inappropriate times. Epley reveals how we dehumanize other people. That is, how we fail to attribute minds to other people, such as the homeless or terrorists, when it is advantageous or even necessary to do so. Conversely, humans also anthropomorphize; we attribute minds to nonhumans such as gods, family pets, and technological objects like robots and even alarm clocks that force us out of bed in the morning. According to the author, these evolutionarily ingrained intuitions are only half of the reason why people converse with gods in the sky while ignoring homeless people who ask for spare change. The book covers a variety of ways by which we try to read others' minds: We often project our own thoughts, wants, feelings, or beliefs onto the minds of others—assuming that they think what we think. We stereotype groups and consequently fail to see how individuals might be like us. We often incorrectly make inferences about others' mindsets based on our observations of their behaviors. (Most people who stayed in New Orleans despite the warnings about Hurricane Katrina were not irresponsible or stupid. They simply had no means to leave or nowhere else to go.) These mind-reading tools allow us to make sense of complex social interactions to a degree better than chance. However, their faults indicate they could be improved, and Epley ends Mindwise by suggesting ways to do so. The secret lies in perspective getting rather than perspective taking. According to Epley, the latter, egocentric strategy at best reinforces—and at worst amplifies—stereotypical and incomplete understandings of others. He espouses the more direct strategy of opening the lines of communication and getting someone else's perspective as a potential solution to understanding the mind of the other. It worked for Kennedy and Khrushchev in resolving the Cuban Missile Crisis. It can also work for us in our relationships with colleagues, friends, family, and significant others. [1]: pending:yes