This is My Crossroads

In her book Borderlands/La frontera: The New Mestiza, Gloria Anzaldua writes of a "Borderlands," which she describes as " a vague and undetermined place created by the emotional residue of an unnatural boundary.... a constant state of transition" (1999, p. 25). In this paper, I explore my own borderlands, between the spaces of my classroom as a former high school chemistry teacher and my present world of graduate education in curriculum and instruction. In the three years since I left my classroom, I have had the opportunity to reflect deeply upon the multiple roles I have had as a teacher--with my students, my colleagues, and the curriculum. How did I negotiate each of these roles in my daily routine? How do I think differently about those roles now, as a graduate student in Education? In this paper, I explore the possibility that this idea of the "space between" is a worthy endeavor, and I wonder if there could be some value in the time-space continuum between classroom teacher and educational theorist. I look to postcolonialist theory to help me traverse my own border crossing from a classroom teacher to education graduate student. In this journey, I explore such concepts as hybridity, in-betweenness, and fluidity to suggest that by valuing the complexities and multiplicities of these in-between spaces, one can partake in ever)thing both spaces offer to authentically embody transformative learning. Through this inquiry into currere, I become more self-aware and work through my intellectual and emotional struggles in my experience of both loss and gain in this borderlands. And finally, I conclude this curriculum inquiry by proposing a different conceptualization of curriculum. ********** To live in the Borderlands means you are neither hispana india negra espanola ni gabacha, eres mestiza, mulata, half-breed caught in the crossfire between camps while carrying all five races on your back not knowing which side to turn to, run from; ... To survive the Borderlands you must live sin fronteras be a crossroads. --Gloria Anzaldua, To live in the Borderlands means you Exposition In the poem above, Gloria Anzaldua writes of a "Borderlands," which she describes in her book Borderlands/La frontera: The New Mestiza, as "a vague and undetermined place created by the emotional residue of an unnatural boundary.... a constant state of transition" (1999, p. 25). I begin this curricular journey in such a place. Before coming to the Curriculum and Instruction doctoral program at George Washington University, I was a high school chemistry teacher. For nine years I welcomed hundreds of teenagers into my classroom, which I decorated with students' element projects, the standard wall-sized periodic table, motivating posters, lab safety posters, and posters of famous scientists, all in my effort to help my students realize that the intimidating subject of chemistry can be attainable and relevant to their lives. Like many teachers, I was always a little nervous before the first day of school--I wanted to convey to my students that I expected a lot from them, but I would be there every step of their way. I acknowledged that most of them probably would not become Nobel Prize winning chemists, but I recognized that I was not only teaching them chemistry. Teaching was so much more to me. I helped them see they could work with others they may not have wanted to work with. I asked them to think critically about commercials they had seen, their water use, their energy use. I encouraged them to learn independently. Regardless of my efforts and good intentions, however, many of my students continued to struggle. I would hear them say things in frustration like, "I thought this was chemistry. Why do we have to do so much math?"; "I just don't get this!"; "Do what, now?"; and, "Why can't I just put this 'two' here?" when balancing chemical equations. I would often respond to these complaints by saying, "You know that confusion you're feeling? …