The 2002 Presidential Address: N.P.D.G.B. and other surgical sayings.

Presenting to you today is a highlight of my life, but it’s also pretty intimidating, because I know how hard it can be to interest an audience as diverse as you are. I am not like other presidents for whom this office was merely a stepping stone to more exalted honors. I’m stuck as a burn doctor; and this—probably fortunately—will be my only chance to speak my mind. I will begin by saying that I was initially drawn to surgery by the remarkable and unforgettable people I encountered and the amazing things they said. One quote has been especially important in my subsequent career, and so I’ve entitled my talk today “N.P.D.G.B., and Other Surgical Sayings.” I also want to use this presentation to recognize some friends who have helped me and some people who are important to this association. I know this is risky, because I’m sure I’ll forget someone. So I will ask for your understanding if I leave you out. My list is not a complete one. First is my only living relative—that I will admit to, anyway—my brother, Michael. He was my first and continues to be my most enduring role model. Growing up was far easier with him breaking trail; growing old is a lot less unpleasant knowing he’ll be with me, and he means more to me with every passing year. People say we look alike—which I have never understood—but I do have one request. If you encounter at this meeting a short, chubby, bearded, middleaged man who looks at you without recognition and answers you unintelligibly, that will be me. If you should encounter Michael, please be nice to him. Mike is a stranger in our very strange land. A Russian proverb says that “to marry well is half of life.” I believe I married superbly. My beloved Susan is my friend and companion on every adventure and a totally loyal—sometimes my only—supporter. On more occasions than I can count, I have arrived home at the end of the day disappointed, stressed out, and ready to quit, and by the next morning, through her magic, she has restored me. Whereupon she sends me back out into the world, filled with fresh, hot air, shirt newly stuffed, for another day of jousting with windmills. There are lots of memorable sayings about surgery. I like to remind my residents that “surgery is no profession for a gentleman,” which is attributed to William Osler. Or that “a good set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.” With advancing age, I realize the truth of that statement. As a surgical resident, I was advised that “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” and frequently told that “all bleeding stops.” And it does. Surgeons, of course, believe that “a chance to cut is a chance to cure,” but you should also remember another Osler-ism: “When all else fails, examine the patient.” There are lots of other popular sayings, and many of them—most of them, actually—are too vulgar to quote in this dignified assembly. But if you’re interested, talk to me later. I met Dr. Glenn Warden in 1976, when I was a green intern. I thought that he was the best surgeon I ever saw, and my career decision derived from a pathetic ambition to be just like him which, fortunately for both of us, failed. Glenn told me that “you can learn 90% of burn care in six months, and it takes the rest of your life to learn the other 10%.” I believe that’s true. At present, I think I’m up to about 91%. Another favorite person has been Dr. Alan Dimick, who—along with Dr. Jordan—has been my guardian angel and have subjected me to many unwarranted acts of kindness. Like Alan himself, his favorite quotation is unpretentious and homespun and devastatingly accurate: “The problem with young turks is that From the Department of Surgery, University of Utah Health Center, 50 North Medical Drive, Salt Lake City, Utah. Presented at the meeting of the American Burn Association, Chicago, Illinois, April 24 to 27, 2002. Address correspondence to Jeffrey R. Saffle, MD, Department of Surgery, 3B-306, University of Utah Health Center, 50 North Medical Drive, Salt Lake City, Utah 84132. Copyright © 2002 by the American Burn Association. 0273-8481/2002