Exiting the Self-Destructive Highway: A Sociological Path Back to A Future Career

Lucky for me the date is 2007, because trust me when I say I would not have written these words, and you would not be reading them, if it was 2006 or prior. Why? Well, many times--at least many times that I can actually recall in my past feeble attempts at college--whenever a final paper was due, or any type of final project was assigned, I would just quit the class. Some might call it just plain old laziness and back then I probably would have agreed. Now, though, looking back, I think it had more to do with my being afraid of not just failing, but scared of actually doing something to get ahead. That's how I lived almost my entire adulthood; it seemed I would deliberately do things to derail any progress in my life. The problem with that, however, is that I may have thought for a time I was only hurting myself but now I realize I was also hurting all the people who loved and cared about me as well. My thinking became so warped you could say I behaved in the polar opposite of how the theories on rational choice conventionally claim humans behave. Rational Choice Theory assumes that "people are rational and base their actions on what they perceive to be the most effective means to their goals" (Wallace & Wolf 303). Looking back and thinking about all my past decisions and behaviors, never did I act with any rationale or with any particular focus towards my future. George Homans's term elementary social behavior--which means "behavior that appears and reappears whether or not people plan on its doing so" (Wallace & Wolf 315)--can best describe the manner in which I lived during my young adulthood. The behaviors that kept appearing in my life were behaviors that led to my own gratification. They appeared often. Moving out of my parents' house and gaining my freedom all my parents could do was watch in horror. The only time I finished a semester at school was when my father used what Homans called the value proposition that is "the more valuable to a person is the result of his action, the more likely he is to perform the action;" my parents actually would have to bribe me to go back and then stay in school. Once when they bought me a car and I didn't finish the semester. I think they decided that they had enough and I was on my own when it came to school. Several times I tried to go back on my own. I enrolled so many times I made a habit of it. In my previous half-hearted attempts at school I would make it to the end of the semester and just stop showing up--not every time, but enough times. I got to the point that I just expected to fail. I expected to fail not only in school but to fail in life as well. People I knew from high school were doing the same thing so I didn't think there was too much of a stigma involved with not succeeding. My expectations for myself were low, thus my self-esteem was low as well. One thing I found that helped raise the way I felt was to drown my sorrows in substance abuse. This went on for most of my young life. At the age of 29 I decided enough was enough and it was time to turn my life around. I had had enough of the way I was living and for the sake of my then-fiance and for myself I wanted to change. I needed to change. While some people in this day and age are addicted to material things like big, huge plasma televisions, nice cars, fancy clothes, and other meaningless possessions, I never had any need for most of these things at any time in my life. As shown in the film Affluenza our society is largely made up of people who are very passionate about accumulating material wealth. There were times that I wanted some of these things, but I spent so much time, energy, and money on my hard-living ways that I had no time for any of it. At the time I usually got by with the basic necessities and more often than not didn't even really care. Looking back is something I do often. I've learned that it is the only way to move forward and not make the same mistakes again. …