Between Parent and Child

H. Ginott and H. W. Goddard. (2003). Between Parent and child. New York: Three Rivers Press. 231 pp. Paperback ISBN: 0-609-80988-1, $13.00. Words can hurt, especially when spoken by a parent. As acknowledged in the revised and updated version of Between Parent and Child, many parents are unaware of how devastating their words and actions can be to a child. This classic parenting book is distinctively informative in its recognition of the importance of emotions in the parent-child relationship. The late Haim Ginott's Between Parent and Child, originally published in 1965, revised and updated by Alice Ginott and Wallace Goddard, is a must-read for parents, educators, and anyone who works with children. In the new edition, the chapters are organized more clearly with a central lesson and supporting vignettes. Although the material in the chapters has remained essentially the same, the wording has been updated, and the chapter headings are revised to reflect the current sentiment. For example, older editions called the discipline chapter "Permissiveness and limits," whereas in the updated edition it is "Discipline: Finding effective alternatives to punishment." The revised version includes an updated list of parenting resources and new approaches for helping children with problem behavior from a more individual perspective, with recommendations on how to deal with problems in specific types of children (e.g., fearful and aggressive children). The book is divided into 10 chapters, the order of which fall into three main categories: communication, positive discipline, and specific parenting issues. Readers gain a basic understanding of Ginott's principles prior to being introduced to parenting techniques and solutions. The first three chapters concentrate on parent-child communication, emphasizing the difference between encouraging words and threats and acknowledging that communicating with children is learned and requires practice. The authors argue that parent-child communication should be based on respect. Instead of instituting blame and criticism during the course of parent-child conversations, parents should seek to praise children for their accomplishments and encourage positive interactions with the open expression of emotion. The authors argue that before problems can be solved, emotions must first be acknowledged. The next section (chapters 4-6) focuses on positive parenting and encouraging dual responsibility, while finding successful alternatives to punishment. Parents have a tendency to overplay their responsibility for children's socialization, consequently not allowing children to gain a sense of responsibility themselves. The authors insist that responsibility cannot be forced but must grow from within and be fed by the values of home and community. Parents and children will disagree, but how parents handle disagreement can be the difference between having a disciplined yet happy child versus an enraged child. The authors encourage parents to limit acts rather than wishes or feelings. When children understand their own feelings and the reason for a disciplinary act, they will develop an internal standard of selfregulation. …