Why is P Afraid to Love a Woman

"Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to." --Mark Twain Many individuals suffer from social anxiety of one type or another. The dictionary defines anxiety as "a state of being uneasy, apprehensive, or worried about what may happen; concern about a possible future event" (Keans & Maloney 22). There are indefinite types of anxiety. The type of anxiety that will be discussed presently will be a sort of dating anxiety. The subject of the discussion is a young man who suffers the aforementioned affliction. He will provide us with a case study, and hopefully, as we learn about his disorder, we will help him to overcome his difficulty. He is not alone in the uneasiness he feels when a beautiful woman smiles in his direction, or when he feels someone who he cares for getting too close to him. That uneasiness is a "Generalized Social Phobia" (Scheiner & Welkowitz, 1996). Franklin Scheiner, M.D., and Lawrence Welkowitz, Ph.D., in their book The Hidden Face of Shyness: Understanding and Overcoming Social Anxiety (1996), describe symptoms that characterize this most peculiar type of social anxiety disorder. The doctors relay the story of Jerry. Jerry suffered from "Dating Anxiety" until he recognized that it was a serious problem and sought help. During his affliction, Jerry loved women but due to his "demand for a date to be perfect," as well as his thinking that a perfect woman would probably reject him, he did not dare to date (Scheiner & Welkowitz 42). We can see from looking at Jerry that persons suffering from social anxiety disorders have much more to lose from not taking their perceived risks than from taking a risk and failing at their endeavors. Jerry's story is much like that of the subject of the present study. Our subject, whom we will term "Self P," or simply P, is suffering from dating anxiety. Self P has not suffered from much anxiety over the years. There were instances where some anxiety was present, but by and large P considered himself ready for anything. In college, P realized all at once, by a sort of concurrence of circumstances, that there was some emotional disorder present that was keeping him from healthy emotional relationships with women. He was finding that he could not feel comfortable when meeting a woman to whom he found himself attracted. He also felt awkward when trying to move forward in a situation from acquaintance to friendship, and from friendship to romance. Jerry also reported that he was concerned about seeming too interested in someone, or in sex (Scheiner & Welkowitz, 1996). P was finding that the more often this state of affairs occurred, the more he realized that there must be something inside himself that was causing this dysfunction. At this point, before delving more into anxiety or uneasiness in social situations, some very important issues regarding the social construction of the self should be mentioned. This will be important, because without it a good understanding of the problem of dating (or of any anxiety) cannot be gained. Problems involving an uneasy feeling in given situations must be a result of a defective element in P's self-image. Though this defective self-image may not be dominant over all areas of his life, it may control a certain element sufficiently enough to cause discontent in his life. As individuals, we have the right to solve our problems and end our discontent. Charles Cooley was an economist who also greatly contributed to what is known today as Sociological Psychology. In his article excerpted under the title "The Self as Sentiment and Reflection," (2001) Cooley posits the theory that the self is the result of one's viewing oneself through the eyes of a fellow human being. He posits further that a person bases his/her actions, as well as his/her self opinion, on the subsequent feelings that an individual would have as a result of that judgement. He states that there are three stages to this process: "the imagination of our appearance to the other person; the imagination of his judgment of that appearance; and some sort of self-feeling, such as pride or mortification" (Cooley 17). …