Parental Participation in Mate Selection and Its Effect upon Family Continuity

THERE are abundant studies of mate selection among middle class urban American families.' In them it is intimated that the family has an important function of launching its members into marriage. Presumably, parents influence adult children to choose mates of similar class and cultural background,2 but the modus operandi and the degree of influence which they have in this matter has not been clearly delineated in the literature. The purpose of this paper is to illustrate from empirical data3 how parents attempt to affect marriage partner choices of adult children and the consequences of their action upon the continuity of relationships between parents and children's families after marriage. This continuity implies secure and stable relationships between parents and married children who can assist each other whenever crises confront them. Moreover, help need not be confined to emergency periods. Children, especially at the start of their marriage, often need financial aid, moral support, and instruction which parents can offer. Parents, in turn, may need their children's continuous affectional response during this period of approaching old age.4 Also, the continuity of social relationships between the generations depends on whether parents and their married children can accept the changed statuses which come to them by marriage and learn new behavior appropriate to them. More concretely, whether they can accept each other as persons in these legal relationships will be contingent upon how well they become acquainted with one another, participate in common activities, and share similar interests and understandings. Obviously, parents must manage with their children's spouses, sons and daughters must get along with their spouses' mothers and fathers, or their social relationships will diminish or disappear. Often, parents and children have a little knowledge of the affinal roles which are called for by the change in marital status. Although these roles are anticipated, there is little specific preparation for them. As children grow up their relationships with parents are modified according to their age and sex grades and this partly predisposes the parents to accept the status changes and altered behavior which comes with their marriages. Elders become accustomed to their children growing up after they go off to school. As they pass through the various age periods often they * The writer wishes to thank Professors John Sirjamaki and Fred L. Strodtbeck for their assistance during the course of this research. ' E. W. Burgess and H. J. Locke, The Family: From Institution to Companionship (New York: American Book Co., 1945), chap. 12; M. F. Nimkoff and A. L. Wood, "Courtship and Personality," American Journal of Sociology, 53 (1948), pp. 263-269; E. W. Burgess and P. Wallin, "Homogamy in Social Characteristics," American Journal of Sociology, 49 (1943), pp. 109-124; R. J. R. Kennedy, "Premarital Residential Propinquity and Ethnic Endogamy," American Journal of Sociology, 48 (1943), pp. 580-584; M. H. Kuhn, "How Mates Are Sorted" in H. Becker and R. Hill (eds.), Family, Marriage, and Parenthood (Boston: Heath and Co., 1948); A. Strauss, "The Influence of Parent-Images Upon Marital Choice," American Sociological Review, 11 (1946), pp. 554-559, and "The Ideal and Chosen Mate," American Journal of Sociology, 52 (1946), pp. 204-208; M. F. Nimkoff, "Occupational Factors and Marriage," American Journal of Sociology, 49 (1943), pp. 248-254; A. B. Hollingshead, "Cultural Factors in Selection of Marriage Mates," American Sociological Review, 15 (1950), pp. 619-627. 2 A. B. Hollingshead, "Cultural Factors in Selection of Marriage Mates," loc. cit., p. 627. 3 The material for this article has been taken from the writer's Ph.D. dissertation, Family Continuity: A Study of Factors Which Affect Relationships Between Families at Generational Levels (unpublished manuscript, Yale University, 1951). 4 Paul Glick points out that currently in American society the child is marrying and leaving the parental home at a younger age than formerly and also that his parents are relatively young (45 to 60 age period); see his "The Family Cycle," American Sociological Review, 12 (1947), pp. 164-174. See also Marvin B. Sussman, "The Help Pattern in the Middle Class Family," American Sociological Review, 18 (1953), pp. 22-28.