The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women. Susan J. Douglas & Meredith W. Michaels

The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women. Susan J. Douglas & Meredith W. Michaels. New York: Free Press. 2004. 383 pp. ISBN 0-7432-5999-8. $15.00 (paper). This is a fun read. Susan Douglas (professor of communications at the University of Michigan and mother of one) and Meredith Michaels (philosopher at Smith College and mother of five) have written a very funny and very powerful book about "the new momism," a set of ideals, norms, and practices that sets standards of success that are impossible to meet, requiring a combination of selflessness (devoting herself "24/7 to her children") and professionalism (the skills of a "therapist, pediatrician ["Dr. Mom"], consumer products safety inspector, and teacher"). The opening passages contrast the familiar reality of everyday childrearing with the expectations of good mothering. They begin with this scene-you are standing in a checkout line in a grocery store with a 3-year-old having a meltdown because you did not buy him the latest "Lunchables," surrounded by magazines with cover stories featuring gorgeous, celebrity moms who gush about how "motherhood is sexy" and how they "just love getting up in the middle of the night to feed or sooth him," while your teenager, who has not spoken in days except to say "you've ruined my life," followed by "everyone else has one," is sulking in the car with a new rap-metal band Piss on the Parentals blasting). This hellish scene transitions seamlessly into what a "good" mom would do once she got home ("transform the process of putting the groceries away into a fun game with up-beat Raffi songs playing in the background. Then while you steam the broccoli and poach the chicken breasts in Vouvray and Evian water, you and the kids would do a jigsaw puzzle in the shape of the United Arab Emirates. Your husband returns home so overcome with admiration for how well you do it all that he looks lovingly into your eyes, kisses you and presents you with a diamond anniversary bracelet ... the children chattering away happily, help set the table and then eat their broccoli. After dinner, you all go out and stencil the driveway with autumn leaves"). This opener provides a good taste of what is to come, both in terms of style and themes. Douglas and Michaels, both self-avowed "mothers with an attitude problem," argue convincingly that this "intensive mothering" is just a new, hipper version of "the feminist mystique." They also show how the image of the new, improved "mom" is contingent on images of delinquent, bad "mothers." Indeed, one of the most interesting passages describes the history and import of the linguistic shift from "mother" to "mom" with the infantilizing/patronizing term now the norm for the good "soccer moms," "stay at home moms," or "celebrity moms," while "mother" is reserved for the bad ones-"single," "teen," "welfare," or "working mothers." Because of the witty style, the original scholarship on which it is based is not immediately obvious. Douglas and Michaels did content analyses of the news, women's magazines, television shows, Hollywood movies, and parenting manuals. Any one of these studies (imagine watching 30 years worth of news coverage on motherhood) would be impressive, and they have a lot of material to work with as they so amply show motherhood has been a media obsession since the mid-80s. …