Questioning Motherhood: A Sociological Awakening

Having a child seems, for most people, to be a natural choice. For me, the choice translates into a simple question of desire: do I want to have a child? My answer, something I feel makes me different from many people, is no. The idea of having a child is one that seems to go against my nature. Forming families seem to be the reigning desire for most women and men as they grow older and more mature. This need for procreation rips through especially women as a freight train through its rails. Having a child seems to be a natural process that many people feel is a major part of their lives' design. To me, the idea of having a child is more of an obstacle to what I can accomplish in my life--an end to the independence I have worked so hard to achieve. I am afraid that it would mean the end of who I am today, and I fear that being a mother would turn me into someone I do not want to be. Because of all this, I feel that making the decision to have a child would mean sacrificing my being. So when I choose not to have children, I am going against the social norms I have been taught to follow my whole life. Whether we are consciously aware of them or not, gender roles are clearly defined in our society. It is socially accepted that as a woman, I should be nurturing, I should not only want children but should plan for them as much as I would for my next meal. I cannot accept this role as a predetermined fate for myself. I do not believe that this socially constructed role will work for me, and as a result I am going against not only what is biologically but also socially accepted as well. Berger and Luckmann's concept of the social construction of reality primarily focuses on how the world is constructed and created, and how subjective meanings become realities in daily life. The social construction of women, as portrayed in the media and acted out by the majority in society, reinforces the stereotype that they will become mothers, whether or not that is their main desire. Most television shows portray women who are seeking a man to build a family with or who are already mothers. In my own family, the assumption that the girls would get married and bear children was an unspoken one, played out in the form of rhetorical questions. As a child, I remember saying things like "when I have kids" or "when my kids are older." Never once did I say "IF" I have kids, because it was a given. I truly did not believe there was anything else for me to do, because I was a woman. When I was little people always said to me, "When you grow up and have kids of your own The problem with this was that no one actually asked me if I wanted to have kids or told me that it was possible to grow up and not have any children. It was through this socially constructed reality that I came to believe that being a mother was inevitable. I accepted this to be the truth without ever questioning until I was much older and began to open my mind to new ideas. My sisters and I were socialized to believe that raising a family was the main thing expected of women. My brothers, on the other hand, were always asked what they wanted to do when they grew up, posed in terms of a career. They were socialized to believe that they would find meaning for their lives in their work first, and perhaps family second. Interestingly, men are not usually asked about children. When my sisters and I were asked that question it came loaded with the expectation that a family and children would be a huge part of whatever direction our lives took. Our choices, it seemed, were limited. I then accepted what my objectified role as a woman was based upon the way life was planned to some degree for me, and as a result grew up to believe I was somehow less of a person if I chose a full time career as opposed to raising children. I was one of seven children raised in a lower income household. As a result I did not receive the same advantages as those who grew up in more affluent homes. …