A Vocabulary of Motives: Understanding How Parents Define Quality Time

Although discussions of parenting refer to quality time, parents' views of quality time have not been explored. Using the Sloan 500 Family Study, this article examines how 220 parents from 110 dual-parent families define the spending quality time with their families and finds 3 distinct views: Structured-planning parents saw it as planned family activities, child-centered parents emphasized heart-to-heart talks with their children, and time-intensive parents believed that all the time they spent with their families was quality time. Mothers and fathers both valued quality time, but, particularly when parents within a household disagreed, mothers more often described having a more active parenting role and assumed greater responsibility for quality time, reflecting a gendered division of parenting within the home. Key Words: family interaction, parenting, parenting styles, qualitative research, work family balance. "Quality time" has become part of our cultural discourse concerning what it means to be a "good" parent. Yet, for all its use in discussions of parenting, parents have not been directly asked what quality time means to them and whether or how they use it in regard to their own families. In this study, I look at how parents define spending quality time with their families. One of the first popular discussions of quality time was in a Business Week (1977) article investigating the "small" but "fast-growing" trend of mothers holding highpowered executive jobs. A few of these women admitted that having a demanding career could negatively affect their children; however, most insisted their children were not being harmed because it was not the amount of time they spent together that was important; rather, it was the quality of the time that mattered. But what these mothers meant by quality was not addressed and, similarly, academic discussions of parenting have overlooked what parents consider to be quality time with their families. Exploring the activities, amount of time, and nature of interactions that parents define as quality time is important for gaining a better understanding of the tension parents experience in balancing their work and home lives. In a sample of married middle-class couples with children, there were three distinct views of quality time: structuredplanning parents felt quality time was planned family activities, child-centered parents saw it as heart-to-heart talks, and time-available parents believed that all the time they spent with their families while at home was quality time. Parents were similar, however, in that their views were shaped by their concerns over meeting work and home responsibilities while still attending to the needs of their children. Mothers and fathers both valued quality time, but, particularly when parents within a household disagreed, mothers more often described having a more active parenting role and assumed greater responsibility for quality time, reflecting a gendered division of parenting within the home. Cultural models of parenting such as quality time give guidance to parents regarding what children need (i.e., quality tune with their families), who should be meeting those needs (i.e., parents), and a rationale for why quality time is important for the child, the family, and even the larger society (i.e., quality time will counter the negative effects of parents working outside the home) (Hays, 1996, p. 221 ). Yet, such cultural messages are often not consistent meaning that parents are confronted with mixed messages of what it means to be a good parent. Spock (1945/1998), the well-known parenting expert, defined quality time as the "close, nurturing, and lovingly responsive" interactions between parent and child that occur during everyday routines such as household chores. Web sites aimed at working parents have promoted the idea that quality time should be relaxing and fun family activities, such as a vacation or a family game night, intended to help families take a break from hectic work and school schedules (e. …