Parental Roles in Courtship

B ECAUSE the relative decline of primary group controls over individual behavior is such a marked feature of present-day culture, it is probable that students of society have sometimes overlooked or under-emphasized the significance which such controls still have in many important life situations. Parental influence in courtship is a case in point. The findings of the study reported here indicate quite definitely that parents, by and large, still play highly significant roles in the courtships of their children. They are important in that they have much to do with the kind of person the child will chose as a mate, and perhaps also with his adjustment in marriage. They are also significant in that a large percentage of cases shows emotional involvement of the parent in the child's courtship. Perhaps one reason that the importance of the behavior of parents in the courtship of their offspring is sometimes overlooked is that such behavior is not characterized by the rigid authoritatianism which has prevailed in other times and places. The main body of data for this investigation was obtained through the cooperation of 136 young married persons who submitted to extensive interviews, and filled out a schedule designed to serve as a check upon the interviews and to give standardized information on certain points. Among the secondary sources of data was a group of some 75 documents written by unmarried college students concerning their courtship experiences in relation to their parents. Virtually the entire body of data tended to support the hypothesis that parents still play roles in courtship which affect the behavior and decisions of the child. For example, one of the schedule questions sought to find the general kinds and degrees of intensity of behavior exhibited by parents. Of the males answering this question, 49.1 percent admitted that their fathers had sought in one way to another to influence their courtship. 79.4 percent admitted that their mothers had attempted to influence them. Of the females answering, 68.7 percent said that their fathers had attempted to influence courtship, and 97.1 percent said that their mothers had attempted to influence them. The type of behavior exhibited by the parents ranged from the occasional giving of advice to extreme attempts at domination. There is a clear indication in these acknowledgments by the offspring that overt parental roles prevail in a majority of cases. Two other points are indicated by these percentages and supported by the rest of the data as well. Both parents play more positive roles in the courtships of daughters than of sons. This is not unexpected, since it is customary to assume a more protective attitude toward the young female than the young male. The second point is that mothers take more part in the courtships of both sons and daughters than do fathers. As to the nature of the actual roles played by parents in courtship, a broad distinction wasmade between "indirect" and "direct" roles. The word "indirect" refers to parental behavior and influence which is exerted through the general processes of family interaction, rather than through a set of clearly defined behavior patterns limited to the courtship situation. What is meant is that the standards and values of the parents which have significance for the child's courtship are established through the interaction of parents and child over a long period of years, so that to a large extent, and perhaps quite unwittingly, the child reflects the attitudes of his parents in this area of action. He may be "trusted" to select a mate who will be satisfactory to the parents in most respects. Thus defined, this indirect behavior perhaps should not be considered to constitute true role patterns. But its importance should not be overlooked, for the child cannot escape its power to condition his tastes and choices. He may rebel from a parent who attempts to dominate his courtship behavior, and do so successfully, but in a subtler sense he cannot rebel successfully from the numberless small ways in which the total history of his relationship with his parents has conditioned his behavior in the courtship situation. This kind of indirect parental influence operates in all cases. With regard to the degree of direct participation in the child's courtship, a continuous variation of parental role-patterns was found, ranging from little or none on the one hand to the most extreme domination on the other. By cutting across this continuous range, one may arbitrarily establish three groups of cases, one of which is characterized