Repairing the Soul: Matching Inner with Outer Beauty

The human soul has the capacity to deal with hardships if they directly correlate to society's standards of what is acceptable. But what happens to one's spirit when unfortunate circumstances cause one to face a life full of abnormalities? How is one expected to maintain a positive outlook on life when one is constantly viewed by others as different and shunned because of it? Many individuals have experienced oppression based on issues of difference and depending on their sociological perception of their own identity sink or continue to swim against strong waves. Social theories have paved the way for people's understanding of human interaction. As humans we view ourselves as experts of reasoning, when in reality one cannot interpret logical explanations of other's actions until having walked in their shoes. "The grass is greener on the other side" until one takes the initiative to search within one's self for improvement. Oppression is a social construct of this society but ultimately our social standing depends on our will to rise above others' actions and words. Since early times, human beings have sought to seek out protection from harmful situations. The defense mechanism of isolation may offer a quick resolution to one's fear, but, overtime, is the outcome comparable to a slow form of self-depravation? Recalling my experience, the act of isolating myself from human interaction because of fearing rejection from others for my difference transformed into fearing life itself. The question is: Why did I turn out to be my own worst enemy in the sense that I believed I was unworthy of acceptance? I was born with a rosy complexion and full red lips; with that image, it was no wonder why many loved me. God had blessed me with a loving family that fulfilled my needs and beyond, and with external beauty. From a sociobiological standpoint, though, I defy the myth that being blessed with the gift of attractiveness equates to having a perfect life. The transitions of life cycles were supposed to go smoothly and true heartache was to be scarce. But this notion turned into a fallacy as a result of having a stroke at age two--leaving me to navigate through life with speech impairment and a right Humphries. After years of speech therapy, it became clear that this problem would improve, but never vanish. I recall my mother crying everyday for one year, not because she was disappointed in having me but as a result of knowing the cruelness of society. I was a little girl possessing a difference in a world that centered on uniformity. Low self-esteem was a direct result of being ridiculed and shunned by numerous peer groups, who viewed my difference as weird. The devastation continued as the ongoing process of cruel comments persevered. I felt as if I was fighting to stay afloat and each cruel word was a current desperately trying to pull me under. How long would I endure this pain before someone would throw me a life line? Entering high school, I formulated a plan of protection against the cruelties of the world. I was going to use the defense mechanism of isolation to ensure that my days of getting hurt were in the past. Little did I know that this method of protection would later lead me down a detrimental path. The four years went by with my being silent, refusing to let anyone know my true character. I hid behind a hostile mask ready to spout off verbal aggression to those who I felt deserved it. Could this repetitious act of isolating myself be put to rest now that I was in college around "mature" adults? The term "isolation" may have various meanings in the sense that one can reside in solitude, or partake in activities that purposefully drive individuals away. Isolation soon coincided with intoxication; how can one get emotionally hurt when one has entered into a state of ambivalence with respect to their surrounding occurrences? The presence of the gift of beauty has resembled a double-edge sword in that I can cover up my true pain from the outside world but simultaneously everyone receives this impression from me that I have a perfect life. …