Surviving Suicide: My Journey to the Light Within

Scovel, M. (2003). Surviving suicide: My journey to the light within. Beaufort, SC: Coastal Village Press. ISBN 1-882943-18-X. $17.90. "Any parent who has buried a child understands the depth of devastation, unbearable to describe." And yet, with these opening words and those that follow, Mary A. Scovel does exactly that-describes for us her intolerable fear, anger, and grief as she experiences the loss of not one, but two sons to suicide. Undoubtedly, her story, Surviving suicide: My journey to the light within, parallels that of many parents. Yet few have mustered the emotional fortitude and courage necessary to provide so candid and detailed an account, let alone with the hopeful spirit revealed by the title of the book. Scovel launches her story by painting a family portrait, complete with photographs. Like most couples, she and her husband, Ward, began their union full of excitement and plans for a bright future. They were blessed with two daughters and two sons. Markedly different from one another, Marcia, Kathy, Steve, and Carl had an enduring passion for music that bound them together. At age thirty-eight, Ward left the business world and entered the ministry, and Scovel recounts how the family blended their faith and talents to share them with those less fortunate: As they became more proficient, Ward and I took our four children to perform for the poor and powerless people who wouldn't otherwise have visitors. At the county jail, Ward led the inmates in the worship service. At the designated time, each of our children bravely stood up in front of this group of strangers to play his or her instrument. The minute the music started it seemed to calm and sooth the inmates as if angels were in the room. In Chapters Three and Four, Scovel recalls the events leading up to the diagnoses and eventual deaths of her sons. Carl, the younger of the two, is described as spiritual and "a sensitive artist who could draw and paint." His teenage years began in typical fashion, but by the eleventh grade he had been arrested and was battling bouts of depression related to drug use. In Carl's senior year, Scovel began to suspect he had schizophrenia. She was shocked and saddened when this hypothesis was confirmed. During the many years that followed, Scovel and her husband dedicated their efforts to finding suitable pharmacological and psychological treatment for their son. All was well as Carl's older brother Steve, with a music scholarship in hand, set off for Michigan State University. During his second year, however, unhappiness set in, and Steve decided to transfer to a small college in Washington. After a year of turmoil there, he returned to his studies at Michigan State University and began performing in coffeehouses on campus. Incidents of memory loss and declining grades were cause for concern. Jobless after graduation, Steve became increasingly angry and distant. He left suddenly for New York and was presumed homeless or dead for close to a year and a half. Scovel describes the agony of that waiting period and her subsequent relief when Steve finally came home. He too was diagnosed with schizophrenia. After a brief period of quasi-stability, Steve once again disappeared, this time to California. Homeless for two months, he returned unkempt, withdrawn, and resistant to treatment. Scovel writes of the day before Steve's death, the last time she would connect with him through music: Although he was agitated, he showed up at church and eloquently played a guitar accompaniment. I loved harmonizing with him. It was like melding our two hearts together in love. During this joyful moment, I had no idea that this was the last song we would ever sing together. Steve hung himself in 1988. Meanwhile, Carl's problems were escalating. Scovel writes, "At first he had held such a desire and hope that he would be normal. …