"Please Care about Me!" or "I Am Pleased to Care about You!" Considering Adaptive and Maladaptive Versions of Unmitigated Communion

Unmitigated communion (UC) refers to the tendency to sacrificially care for others while failing to protect one's own needs within intimate relationships. Two studies were conducted to develop a new measure of UC that differentiated between UC that is self-oriented (motivated by a desire to feel affirmed or valued by others) and other-oriented (motivated by care and concern for the well-being of others). In study one, participants were given a draft of this new measure of UC, an established measure of UC and C, a measure of self-esteem, and a measure of depressive symptoms. Study two further refined the measure and considered possible connections between self- and other-oriented UC and dispositional tendencies toward shame, controlling and critical images of God, and attachment styles. Together, these studies contribute to the literature by demonstrating the importance of considering not only frequency of UC behaviors but also the motivations underlying these behaviors. In close relationships people can prioritize the needs of the other or the needs of the self. Bakan (1966) suggested that 'agency' reflects the degree to which people focus on their own needs and individuation. Communion (C) involves the degree to which people focus on others and connectedness. Thus, agency is characterized by self-assertion and self-protection. Communion is characterized by cooperation and caring for others. Bakan asserted that adaptive functioning in close relationships required a balancing and integration of agency and communion within the same individual. Helgeson (1994) expanded upon this conceptualization by asserting that people who manifest communion not counterbalanced by agency experience unmitigated communion (UC). UC involves chronic tendencies to focus excessively on caring for others while failing to protect one's own needs within intimate relationships. Thus, the two central components of UC are: feeling overly responsible for the welfare of others and a failure to express and protect one's own needs (Fritz & Helgeson, 1998). The driving force behind UC may be an externalization of self-esteem. UC individuals have been shown to anchor their sense of self-worth on the perceived reactions of others (Aube & Hoffman, 2008; Fritz & Helgeson, 1998). Therefore, pleasing others and maintaining harmonious relationships becomes important for the preservation of a positive self-concept. It was hypothesized by Helgeson that this interpersonal style is problematic, leaving people vulnerable to experience a variety of internalizing symptoms. A variety of studies have indeed confirmed an inverse relationship between UC and well-being (Aube, Saltaris, Fichman & Koestner, 2001; Fritz 8c Helgeson, 1998; Helgeson, 1994; Saragovi, Koestner, Di Dio, & Aube, 1997). UC has been found to predict depression (Helgeson, 1994; McBride & Bagby, 2006; Sargovi et al., 1997) perhaps because the investment of self-sacrifice often does not produce an adequate return of increased intimacy and affirmation. UC individuals tend to inhabit relationships where they give more support than they receive (Helgeson, 1994). Fritz and Helgeson (1998) point out that UC individuals are so focused on what others think they become overly reliant on evaluation and assurance from others. This can lead to self-neglect, psychological distress, and low self-esteem. The outcomes for UC presented above reflect a rather uncomplimentary image of self-sacrifice. However, such a conclusion may be incomplete. Van Lange et al. (1997) defined willingness to self-sacrifice within close relationships as the tendency to forego immediate personal gain in order to promote the well-being of a partner or relationship. Such self-sacrifice may contribute to healthy couple functioning for several reasons. First, self-sacrifice enhances the probability that in future situations, when the couples' interests/preferences do not correspond, the partner will reciprocate. …