Toward a Theory of Respect-Based Communication

Too often people from different walks of life, ideologies and cultures have a hard time working together. Examples include designing a building, playing together on an athletics team, architecting environmental policy or working to hammer out a diplomatic agreement. Communication is essential for people to engage and relate in order to accomplish any of these endeavors. It is humans’ unique ability to communicate that allowed us to work together to birth civilization (Bass, 1974). However, communication can stall and fall apart if people are not on the same page or willing to take into account differing perspectives. Related to this much work has been done on relationship management theory (Ferguson 1984, Ledingham and Brunig 1998, Ledingham 2003, Waters & Bortree 2012, Pratt & Omenugha 2014), but little on how to achieve fundamentally common ground to form relationships. To solve this issue, this paper asks what the basic element of effective communication is and suggests it is respect, and provides a framework from which a proposed respect-based communication theory operates. The approach integrates Kantian respect for persons and Millian utilitarianism while not violating the moral implications of the Greatest Happiness Principle – one can demonstrate compassion and consideration, while working to achieve their desired outcome. One can demonstrate compassion and consideration (Kant 1798-99), while working to achieve the desired outcome that benefits the greatest number (Mill 1864). Bringing these two divergent schools of thought together to form a new theory is an act of respect-based communication in itself. This is logical, as in reality we do not know for certain if decisions based off of morality (Kantian respect for persons) or consequences of the act (utilitarianism) will actually play out. They are simply best guesses. What respect-based communication theory offers is a framework based from the synthesis of the two discussed philosophical approaches to allow for dialogue, relationship formation, trust-building, and long-term beneficial action. A significant contribution of this paper is a framework that can help burst through communication barriers. This framework is firmly rooted in a foundation of respect from which empathic communication can occur. Understanding flows from empathy. As one understands their partner in communication, interest in that person occurs. Trust stems from these actions and from trust blossoms relationships, which makes possible honesty in wanting to help the other person achieve a desired outcome that could also benefit one in the short or long-term. Five basic building blocks form a respect-based communication theory. They are the ability to: (1) empathize, (2) cast away one’s own ideologies, (3) put aside preconceived notions of the other person, (4) get to know the other person, and (5) ask what you can do for the other person. Putting together these pieces results is an interdisciplinary communication theory that can be applied across a number of subjects and professions. One limitation of this paper is that it introduces a theory through empiricism. To advance this work, qualitative research through grounded theory or case studies – and eventually quantitative analysis informed from qualitative study – are necessary. This paper does not proclaim an absolute, but suggests much knowledge we accumulate can continue to inform this theory. Future research should delve into how a respect-based communication theory could be applied to various real-world settings so people can burst through the communication rut in order to achieve mutually beneficial goals for the good of our world. This paper offers the framework. Make no mistake, most desired outcomes will not be altruistic in nature, but if two-sides understand and trust each other, good things can come from the relationship.