An Exploration of Lesbian Maternal Bereavement

The bereavement literature includes a considerable amount of research conducted on parental bereavement in cross-gendered (heterosexual) families (Donnelly, 1982; Knapp, 1986; Miles, 1978; Rando, 1986); however, prior to the present study, no research had been conducted on same-gendered (homosexual) bereaved parents. The death of a child has profound psychological effects on the family system, and it is a unique grief experience. This uniqueness may be attributed to the belief that children bury their parents and parents should not have to bury a child (or children) (Wheeler, 2001).Yet already marginalized, nontraditional families may face even greater challenges during the experience of parental bereavement, for a number of different reasons. Some relationships are not socially sanctioned. Thus, there may be disenfranchisement of the family unit and any children, whether by birth, adoption, or foster care. Social factors already present may complicate these families' lived experiences through, for example, disownment from family or lack of recognition for a partner or children in the relationship (Kurdek, 2001). Gay and lesbian individuals experience bereavement differently than their heterosexual counterparts, in part due to disenfranchisement. Disenfranchised grief occurs when a relationship is not recognized, a loss is not recognized, and a griever is not recognized (Doka, 1989). Homosexual families often face societal stigma and are "disqualified from full social acceptance" (Goffman, as cited in Siegal & Hoefer, 1981). This stigma often makes bereavement more difficult, because homosexuals are dealing not only with the loss of a loved one, but also with social nonrecognition of their loss. This invalidation may result in dire consequences for the individuals involved. Grieving may be protracted and intensified as the mourner suffers damage to his or her self-esteem. Feelings of guilt or shame may also lead to self-destructive behavior (Siegal & Hoefer, 1981).Though much remains unexplored in the area of maternally bereaved lesbian mothers, these social factors may influence both their sense of marginalization and the intensity of their isolation during bereavement. LITERATURE REVIEW Stigmatized Relationships and Stigmatized Deaths Lesbian couples are increasingly deciding to become parents (Gabb, 1999; Patterson, 1995), resulting in what has become known in contemporary literature as the "lesbian baby boom." The number of children born to or adopted by gay and lesbian parents is estimated to be between four to 14 million (Patterson, 1995). As an increasing number of lesbian and gay couples become parents, a certain percentage of their children will die from various causes, making them bereaved parents. However, their already stigmatized relational status may complicate their bereavement experience. Specifically, according to Meyer (2003), within the framework of minority stressors, maternal mental health can be compromised by variables such as homophobia and exclusive heterosexism. This status leads to disenfranchisement as a result of the sociopolitically contentious milieu surrounding lesbianism, particularly as it relates to parenthood. Doka (1989) defined disenfranchised grief as "the grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported" (p. 4). Furthermore, Doka (1989) suggested that there are five categories of loss: lack of recognition of the relationship, lack of acknowledgment of the loss, exclusion of the griever in discussions or rituals, circumstances of the death, and grieving styles. At the same time, disenfranchisement impedes access to sources of support by excluding the mourner from an active role in dying and funeral rituals (Doka, 1989). For example, as a group, lesbian widows and gay widowers experience disenfranchised grief as a result of their partners deaths. …