An Unusual Immigration Tale: Why I Am Miserable in the Land of Opportunity

My college application's personal statement requirement gave me the option of choosing between two subjects: explain why I wanted to go to college or describe how I dealt with a major change in my life. At the time I had been living in America for two years after emigrating from Peru with my mom and older sister. I was reluctant to write about this "major change" because I figured that that was probably every other immigrant applicant's choice for personal statement. Besides, I had nothing positive to say about moving to America. I chose the other subject. Five years later and almost ready to graduate from school I am sad and somewhat disappointed to say that I would probably choose the second subject today for the exact same reasons. It is not that I have had an overall bad experience in America, it's more like I wish I did not have to be here. A response to my feelings on my stay here would be "Take the next plane home" but it's not that simple. My family is here, I have a steady boyfriend who most likely I will marry, I have become accustomed to the larger social structures of this country, in school, at work, etc. I now have the opportunity to take a serious look at my life and the approach I take towards my experience in America. Using what C. Wright Mills termed the sociological imagination, that is, relating one's personal realities to the larger social structures, I will try to identify the factors that contribute to my discontent in spite of my compliance. Mills made the distinction between personal troubles and public issues, noting that society and the individual have unavoidable influence on each other, and that exploring the relationship is necessary for comprehending our place and purpose within the period of history we are living in (Wallace & Wolf, 108). The origins of my unhappiness date back to my refusal to move to America despite my mother's plans. I simply did not want to leave my country. I had friends there, my father would be left behind, I would have to say goodbye to some of my aunts who practically raised me, and I would have to leave everything I knew for a place I did not care to live in. I was rebellious and defiant and threatened to marry my then boyfriend to stay in Peru, but my parents would not have it. I was bound to come, no matter how much I pleaded, cried and yelled. At the time, I was blinded by my own anger to realize that my mom was also leaving everything she knew for the opportunity to provide a better education for her daughters. It is fair to say that from the beginning I had a bad disposition toward the move. Guadalupe Paz in her essay, "The effect of Immigrant Experiences on the Bifurcation of Women's Consciousness" (2003/4), recounts her own experience as an immigrant coming to America with her family and older brothers. She explains that because she was younger, it was easier for her to adapt her emergent self to the new society. Much like her older siblings, my personality and sense of who I am had already been formed and so, instead of adopting the social norms and rules of the hosting society, I had to readjust to my new settings. Adjusting, as it turned out, was a complex process. I spent my first two months in America in our apartment, in my pajamas, crying and writing home to everyone I could think of. I did not want to go out and confront the reality of my imposed environment. I hated being here and blamed everyone around me for my misery, especially my mom. The strain I put in our relationship has yet to heal, but I do hope some day it will be completely restored. It's hard for me to admit it now, but looking back on that time, I realize nobody could be blamed for the circumstances, but that still did not stop me from attacking my own family. While my mother and my sister gradually became acculturated to the new society they were participating in, I resisted, and grew more and more resentful of my new situation. In their article, "Immigrant women and counseling: The Invisible Others" (2005), Oksana Yakushko and Krista Chronister examine the variables influencing women's experiences in the United States. …