Parenting: a relationship-oriented and competency-based process.

Parents have a complex task of guiding a specific child to maturity by using the opportunities offered by the environment, while avoiding its detrimental aspects. This article develops a theory of the parenting process that describes components of the parental role; situations where development and, thus, parenting occurs; the responsibility of parents in those situations; the attributes parents use to fulfill their role; and implications for professionals. Parents make countless decisions about innumerable situations they face each day with their infant, child, or adolescent. As van der Pas (2003) has written, parents must decide "when to use which child-rearing behavior, how, and how much of it" (p. 152). Infants, children, and adolescents living through innumerable situations create their understanding of the world and how it works, as Piaget (1969) and his many followers have described (Flavell, 1985). What is missing is a theory of parenting. Ramey (2002), commenting about a research conference on parenting, says that "one of the most striking things noted in preparing for the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development conference was that there were virtually no definitions of parenting itself" (p. 56). A theory of parenting would address questions such as the following: * Is there a process that parents use in making these countless decisions? * Parenting is not often described as including a decision making process. So what does parenting involve? * What is expected of parents? * When and how do parents fulfill those expectations? * What attributes do they need to do so? Integrating theoretical writing and research reports written mostly about children and their needs, this article provides answers to these questions by describing the parental role, reviewing a theory of healthy development over the life span, identifying when development/change occurs, analyzing the parental role in that process, and identifying the attributes parents need to have in order to fulfill their role. Developing a Theory The parental role has been neglected for many reasons. It has been ignored or deemphasized because of the societal assumption that all women just knew how to do it (Hrdy, 1999); emphasis mounted that children affect their parents as well as being affected by them (Bell & Harper, 1977); systems theory focused equally on each family member's interactions with each other (Lerner, Rothbaum, Boulos, & Castellino, 2002); and the research emphasis concerned how well the children were developing within given circumstances (van der Pas, 2003). The parent was viewed more as a conduit of that development than as an active participant (Hrdy, 1999). Having a theory that at least outlines the parenting process will facilitate professionals' work with parents. It would give another perspective to the interactions between parent and child by bringing into focus the parenting process. It would provide additional information about the attributes parents need in order to fulfill their role, thus giving new directions as to how professionals could support parents. The Expectations for Parents Parents face expectations from many sources. Society sets some by wanting children to become functioning members of the community. Children also have their physiological needs, based on survival. Various professional fields emphasize their particular interests. The educator expects parents to teach their children (Honig, 1979). The mental health worker talks about building self-esteem (Brazelton & Greenspan, 2000). The medical professional lists immunizations and nutritious food (Pennsylvania Chapter, American Academy of Pediatrics, 1989). Expectations of parents can be grouped into six categories: * Nurturer-The parent is to provide for the physiological needs of the child (Bornstein, 2002; Bradley, 2002; Hrdy, 1999; Small, 1998). …