Synchronizing Loss with Life Over a Life Span: A Dynamic Perspective.

Synchronizing loss with life is a dynamic journey. This article explores the myths, beliefs, and dynamics of loss and life. The purpose of the article is to help clinicians assist and support their clients with the difficulties of synchronizing loss with life as they progress on their life span journey ********** Because of the dynamic nature of life and loss, individuals, especially those experiencing a life crisis, may have difficulty seeing or sensing any synchronization of loss and life. Webster's Universal College Dictionary (1997) defined synchronization as "to cause to go on, move, operate, and work, etc., at the same rate and exactly together" (p. 799). The rapidity of loss and life gives little opportunity to make any sense of an occurrence or to see any interconnectedness in life. Order and rhythm in life are lost, at least momentarily or sometimes permanently, in the midst of chaos, tragedy, and tremendous loss. Rather than maintaining a homeostasis of life or emotional and psychological balance in life, individuals may sense they are constantly being thrown back and forth on a depression--mania continuum. Three current examples of cataclysmic trauma include Hurricane Katrina, the Iraq War, and the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. However, daily, personal, nonearthshaking, noninternational losses also greatly influence the emotional well-being of individuals. Trying to understand and accept how such losses fit into a larger synchronization of life is difficult at best. Some clients need concerted and supportive assistance before they can move on with life. Individuals face difficulties in accepting and understanding how loss is a part of life because contradictory myths exist that support the denial of loss. Especially in developed societies such as the United States, people possess a strong belief in the conquering hero, the victorious cowboy, and the overcoming athlete. Rather than accepting a synchronized process of losses and gains in life, individuals often choose to believe in counterbeliefs that contradict reality. Such counterbeliefs or myths may include: (a) concerted effort will give freedom from pain and suffering; (b) change can be avoided; (c) safety and security can be secured by obtaining the best technology money can buy; (d) unhappiness and loss can be avoided by accumulation of wealth, maintenance of health, and intensity of activity; and (e) intelligent decisions can protect an individual from loss. The reality of life constantly exposes these myths, demonstrating that life is uncertain and unpredictable; change is the only constant; and loss, pain, and death are common to all humans. As individuals progress in their life span, they gradually realize that life is full of losses. No one-to-one loss-to-gain formula can be humanly calculated; however, individuals can acknowledge a flow or synchronization of losses and gains that they can see in nature and experience in their own existence. Sometimes, individuals focus on death as the only great loss, as described by Kubler-Ross (1969). Death, however, is only one of many types of losses faced. As a child and adolescent, an individual's perspective of loss may be influenced by the death of a relative, a friend, or a pet. Children and adolescents may also sense loss of relationships when they geographically relocate, change schools, or experience friends moving away. As individuals progress through the psychosocial stages, as postulated by Erikson (1963), they realize other potential losses. Such losses include vocational or career losses, loss of health, relationship loss via divorce or separation, empty nest losses, financial losses, spiritual losses and doubts, and loss of mental and physical abilities. At 18 years old, the legally recognized age of maturity in the United States, most humans have no idea what is ahead of them regarding life and loss. Because these traumatic events can be so fundamentally catastrophic, individuals can be successful in maintaining mental and emotional homeostasis by having a realistic understanding of life and loss over a life span. …