Longing to Be Thin: Why I Wait until Tomorrow to Change My Habits

Growing up I have been known for being two things, overweight and a procrastinator. One of my friends even jokes on numerous occasions that the only thing I have ever been early for was my birth (I was born five weeks premature). My weight was never a huge issue for me until eighth grade when one of my friends, whom I had a crush on at the time, called me fat. Up until then I had always known I was overweight, but I was still a child and so it did not really bother me. His comment was a rude awakening. I started to look at myself as this disgusting blob of a human being. My confidence, which was never high to begin with, plummeted. I told my mom that I wanted to go on a diet the next day, but something came up and I decided to start Weight Watchers that Monday. Monday came and something came up again and well, needless to say, I did not start that Monday, nor the Monday after that, etc., etc. Being overweight is something that I have grown accustomed to and, in a way, have become comfortable with. I look at my weight as being a shield that has kept the "real me" hidden. During the recent fourth annual Social Theory Forum held at UMass Boston on March 27-28, 2007 ("The Violence's of Colonialism and Racism, Inner and Global: Conversations with Frantz Fanon on the Meaning of Human Emancipation"), keynote speaker Lewis R. Gordon of Temple University spoke about how, according to Fanon, "people can be hidden in plain sight." I have always felt that my weight has hindered me from portraying who I really am and how I feel on the inside. I believe that if I am thin I will feel better about myself, people will treat me differently, and perceive me differently. Why don't I do something about it, you may ask? Well, I have done some things about it, just not everything to my fullest potential. I have the tendency to say to myself, more often than not, "Oh, I'll start eating healthy tomorrow," or "I'll start making better decisions on Monday." I know I cannot be the only person who has this problem of procrastination, but why am I letting it get in the way of something I have dreamed of, being thin. Is being thin simply a personal idea I have, or is it part of a larger ideology, "a belief that reflects the interests of dominant classes and groups in society" (Kosmas, 79)? In this paper I am going to try and explore the root of my problem. I am going to first analyze my problem at the microsociological level. The microsociological perspectives I will use basically focus on individuals in a social setting. Later on in the paper I will focus on the macrosociological perspectives which focus more on society and how society affects individuals. Just recently, I would say within the past year or so, I have struggled with feeling feminine. This is because I am unable to wear regular women's sizes. Don't get me wrong though; some clothing for plus-sized women is great, but what I really want to do is go into any store and have free reign over all the clothes. I believe that if I had a thin body, I would look good no matter what I wore. In her essay, "Why am I so fat? A study of the Interrelationship between poor body image and social anxiety" (2006), UMass Boston student Jessica Haley writes, "Thinness is a symbol. I feel that it symbolizes the elite (125)." I want to feel feminine, people to notice me, and to turn heads, too, but I feel that that can only be done if I am thin. In my mind, I truly believe that if I am thin, I will receive way more benefits than costs and more rewards than punishments. The Social Exchange Theory, studies exchanges of "tangible or intangible goods and services, ranging from food and shelter to social approval or sympathy" (Wallace & Wolf, 304). It "focuses on the assessments that individuals make and the costs, benefits, punishments and rewards of their participation in a certain action before it is taken" (Haley, 125). The media plays a crucial factor in the way I glorify thinness and also how society and our culture view obesity. …