Alimony: What Social Science and Popular Culture Tell Us About Women, Guilt, and Spousal Support After Divorce

ABSTRACT Over the past few decades, fewer divorcing women have received alimony, and when alimony awards are made, they are in declining amounts and for shorter periods of time. Conventional explanations of this trend focus on legal changes that have made divorces easier to obtain, as well as social changes that have led to larger numbers of married women in the paid workforce, and to greater social tolerance of divorce. Certainly these changes partly explain the downward trend in alimony, but they do not fully explain why alimony awards continue to decline, even among women who do not have viable job skills at the time of divorce and who experience severe post-divorce financial hardship. This article looks to the women themselves and uses social science research to examine gender differences in emotional reactions to marriage and divorce. The article argues that women's tendency to assume emotional responsibility for the success of the marriage and parenting, and in particular women's greater susceptibility to feelings of guilt and shame about divorce and parenting, make it difficult for many women to successfully negotiate for alimony. Further, the article looks at women's feelings and behaviors in negotiation situations, arguing that social pressures exacerbate the feelings of guilt over the divorce and lead women to accept unfavorable outcomes. Ultimately, this article concludes that the legal system may need to impose solutions, such as mandatory pre-nuptial agreements or alimony formulas, in order to achieve a degree of predictability and fairness in alimony outcomes. I. INTRODUCTION Alimony (1)--a stream of income paid by one ex-spouse to another--is frequently discussed in media stories about divorces of the rich and famous. Camille Grammer, a "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" star and ex-wife of actor Kelsey Grammer, may be getting as much as $50 million dollars in her divorce. (2) Ms. Grammer, a mother of two who was married to Mr. Grammer for thirteen years, previously rejected a settlement offer of $30 million because the offer did not include alimony or child support. (3) In another story, it is reported that movie star Michael Douglas is being taken to court by his ex-wife, Diandra Davis, who claims she is entitled to half of his income from Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. (4) Still other juicy tidbits of information surround golfer Tiger Woods who is allegedly paying $100 million to his ex-wife, Elin, who will also receive custody of the couple's two children. (5) Steep alimony payments by celebrities have been reported for decades, and examples of conflicts and resentment over the payments abound. Tony Curtis's obituary notes that he blamed his long career slump in the 1970s on his cocaine and alcohol addictions, which he said were fueled, at least in part, by rage over alimony payments he had to make to his many ex-wives. (6) Meanwhile, the alimony experience of ordinary citizens is more nuanced. Awards of alimony are theoretically ordered when one spouse has greater need, the other spouse has the ability to pay, and payment is deemed to be fair in some sense. (7) The terms "need," "ability," and "fair" are highly subjective in this context. In some states--or at least in some states' courtrooms--litigants who are far from rich and famous may be ordered to pay long-term or permanent alimony, even if their marriages were of short duration, and even if their ex-spouses are employed. For example, in an article discussing proposed changes to Massachusetts divorce law, The Boston Globe interviewed several long-time alimony payers. (8) One interviewee, Steve Niro, was married to his first wife in 1981 and divorced after less than five years of marriage. (9) Despite the fact that Niro remarried over fifteen years ago, and that the children from his first marriage are all adults and out of school, he still must pay alimony to his first wife, Carol. (10) In fact, two years prior to the newspaper interview, the judge raised his alimony payments from sixty-five dollars per week to seven hundred dollars per week. …