“But I Thought. …” An Examination of Assumptions in The Mentoring Relationship

Mike, a young new assistant school principal, approached veteran principal, Dr. Kenyon, about being his mentor. Dr. Kenyon replied, "I don't know how much I can help you, but I'll tell you everything I know." The mentoring relationship began, but Mike soon lost interest in meeting with Dr. Kenyon. When asked why he had discontinued his mentoring sessions, he replied, "Dr. Kenyon was very willing to meet with me, and he had some great stories about his experiences, but I thought I would get more out of our sessions that would actually help me achieve my professional goals, and develop the skills and expertise I needed in order to be successful in my new position." Dr. Kenyon acted on his assumption that mentoring meant "telling." He did not understand that being an effective mentor involves facilitating the learning of the mentee, rather than simply transferring knowledge. Dr. Kenyon's assumption led him to behave as a lecturer in the mentoring sessions. The mismatch of the unspoken assumptions between Mike and Dr. Kenyon resulted in a less than satisfactory mentoring relationship for Mike. What is an Assumption? When mentors and mentees enter a mentoring relationship, they bring their assumptions with them. An assumption is a belief one possesses that is thought to be tree and from which a conclusion can be drawn (Collins Essential English Dictionary, 2006). It can also be a belief that someone should behave in a particular way. Often unspoken, these assumptions are powerful predictors of success or subtle forces contributing to failure in the mentoring process. Therefore, it is important to examine the role of assumptions in adult learning relationships. Assumptions held by a mentor and mentee are influenced by many factors. Prior life experiences, fears, cultural interpretations, myths, and core values are wrapped up in the personal packages adults bring into the mentoring relationship. We explore each of these below. Prior Experiences Prior experiences are a prime source of assumptions. Basing assumptions on prior experiences results in the tendency to believe that past experiences apply to all similar future situations. Even when individuals know facts to be different, they may disregard that knowledge and continue to assume that prior experiences are timeless truth bearers. The following example illustrates how past experiences influence current assumptions. Jen signed on to be a volunteer mentor in an after-school program at an elementary school in a high poverty area of her city, but she had some misgivings. When asked about those hesitations, it became clear that her prior experiences were the source of some assumptions she was making about the situation. She grew up in a white, upper middle class family, attended a private school that was devoid of diversity, went to a prestigious college, joined a sorority, and was academically successful. She said, "I am afraid if I meet the parents of these children, they are going to think "oh, here's a little rich white do-gooder who will come tutor my child for a while, then leave and go back to her snobby suburb." Her personal lack of contact with children living in poverty caused her to assume that she might not be successful as a mentor or she might become too emotionally overwhelmed by the children's different life circumstances. Jen overcame her initial uncertainty and full) engaged in weekly mentoring at the school. After her first semester, Jen shared that the mentoring experience had been valuable for her, despite the fact that she thought at first it might be a disaster. Past experiences with mentoring also influence future assumptions about mentoring. It is likely that a mentee will base future assumptions about all mentors on interactions with a first mentor. If the experience with the mentor has been positive, the mentee may assume that the next relationship will also be positive. Conversely, if a mentor has had a "difficult" mentee once, the mentor might bring an assumption to each new mentoring relationship that not all mentees are serious about their personal growth and learning. …