Stages of emotion: an adult adoptee's postreunion perspective.

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."--Sir Isaac NewtonIf Newton's law is true in the realm of physics, then it might also be true of human emotions. As a counselor, I have become aware that most major life events have an effect on the individual. As an adult adoptee who has recently had a reunion with her biological mother, I was shocked to discover that little has been written about the effects of such a reunion on the individual. Only Betty Lifton, in her book Twice Born: Memoirs of an Adopted Daughter [1975], implied that such an emotional effect existed. In it she speaks of "reentry." But she does not specify the associated feelings.It should be noted that this article is not a discussion of the stages that occur between the participants in the reunion. This has been discussed elsewhere [Gediman and Brown 1991; Sanders and Sitterly 1981].Robert Anderson believes that from a "psychological model, search and reunion is merely one step in a series of many" [1989: 631]. This would indicate that the reunion is not the final step in an adoptee's search. The reunion is part of a growth process and is only one chapter in the life of an adoptee. This article looks into the next chapter of an adoptee's life by clarifying and classifying the stages of postreunion emotions.TWO REUNIONSLike all stories, this one has a first chapter. I believe that, for the reader to understand how the stages of emotion were developed, a synopsis of my adoption and searches is necessary.Although I was born in the fall of 1948, my life did not begin until two springs had passed. It is at that time I met my adoptive parent for the first time. It was love at first sight for all parties concerned.Love was easy, adoption was not. Someone or something blocked the adoption for a number of years. This would be one of the mysteries that would remain unsolved in spite of my searching into my past.Looking back over my childhood is easy for me. For the most part it was a happy one. As an adopted child I assumed that all adoptions were successful as well as happy. What else could I believe? I never knew anyone who was adopted until I was older.Being adopted can leave one with different feelings about family and relationships. Being adopted leaves one with questions about the family of origin. Being adopted leaves one wondering why was I without a family in the first place? Was there no one to take me--not a grandparent or an aunt or an uncle? Was I an only child? Was I born out of wedlock? What did my biological parents look like? Whom did I look like? Did I favor my mother or father? All of these questions and more ran through my mind as a child.I always felt that my past was like looking down a dark hallway. I could see the figures standing there but could never quite make out who they were.As a child I knew someday I would have to walk back down that hallway. I knew I would have to find a way to cast light onto my past. The beginning of this sojourn would not happen until I was in my late twenties.This trip would never have begun without the birth of my first child. It would not be until I gazed into those beautiful blue eyes of hers that I wondered why they were blue. I was in awe of this child of mine. Here, cradled in my arms, was the first human being who could look like me. I couldn't wait until someone told me that she looked just like her mother, but she looked like her father. That was OK but again, I would wonder if there was someone who looked like me. In retrospect, I am glad she looked like her father. I know now, had she looked like me, I probably would not have begun to ask questions of my family and friends.It would be my questions that would inadvertently give me my first inkling of my past. I would learn through a family friend that just maybe there were siblings.I remember two things going through my mind upon hearing the news. …