Lombardi, Kate Stone. the Mama's Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger

Lombardi, Kate Stone. The Mama's Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger. New York, NY: Penguin, 2012. 1 +324 pp. $26.00 (hardcover). ISBN-10: 1-58333-457-2. When I was five years old my mother enrolled me in swimming lessons at the local municipal pool. I was terrified by the thought of jumping into the water and was sure that death by drowning was imminent. After surviving the first four days of training, the final day included jumping into the deep end from the diving board. On this day, parents were invited to join their children in the water and cheer them on as they leaped from the board like lemmings into the sea. When my turn arrived, I climbed the ladder, walked to the end of the board, and became paralyzed with fear. As I stood there frozen, I heard my mother's voice encouraging me to jump--promising to catch me. At that moment I had no doubt that my mother would catch me. However, my next thought was that the weight of my body hurling down from above would injure my mother as she sacrificed her body to save my own. While her support and assurance gave me the courage to jump, my fear of hurting the person I loved most prevented me from going through with the dive. At that moment, though only five years old, I realized I was a "mama's boy." Lombardi's book represents a groundbreaking effort to both validate strong mother--son relationships and redefine the term mama's boy. Her book is one that should be read by mothers, fathers, and sons alike as it gives new insights into rearing the next generation of emotionally intelligent men. From feminist scholars to traditional stay-at-home mothers, from contemporary fathers to confused adolescent boys, this book will illuminate the expansive potential of the mother-son relationship. Lombardi, a long time contributor to the New York Times, moves beyond simple reporting or opinion writing by synthesizing numerous interviews and surveys of her own, as well as data from various researchers, scientists, and parenting experts. Lombardi offers scathing yet logical critiques of Freud, common and outdated notions of child rearing, and the idea that boys and girls are wired differently when it comes to communication and emotions. In short, this book challenges the status quo and offers more nurturing alternatives. The archetypal mama's boy, Lombardi argues, can be described using such words as wuss, pansy, wimp, and maladjusted. Her refutation of these descriptors is centered on the idea that mama's boys are, in actuality, strong, very appealing, and healthy because of the bonds they share with their mothers. While Lombardi warns that mothers can get too close and become enmeshed in the lives of their sons, she argues that keeping sons close and placing value on mother--son communication provides boys with strategies for overcoming adversities, connecting with others, and expressing emotions positively--all tools that are in high demand for modern men. Two of the important contributions of the book are rejecting common trends in raising boys and debunking myths related to gender and sex differences. First, Lombardi rebuffs the common experiences of deferring to fathers when parents make decisions about raising boys and mothers feeling pressure to push boys away at young ages for their own good. The book makes it clear that mothers are quite capable of making decisions about how their sons will be reared. Also, the book stresses that mothers should not push boys away at young ages and cites evidence that shows doing so often results in more harm than good. Whether it's bedtime rituals, kissing "boo-boos," or holding your teenage boy close after a breakup, cutting these behaviors off completely can result in feelings of abandonment and symbolize the beginning of a life marked by the boy learning to mask his true feelings. …