The Ice Pirates
Tags: cult, comedy

Plot synopsis:
The film takes place in a distant future where water is so scarce and rationed that it is considered an immensely valuable substance, both as a commodity and as a currency in ice cubes. The Templars of Mithra control the water and they destroyed worlds that had natural water leaving the galaxy virtually dry. Pirates dedicate their lives to raiding ships and looting the ice from the cargo holds to make a living.
Jason (Robert Urich) is the leader of a band of pirates that raided a Templar cruiser for its ice, and discovered a beautiful princess (Mary Crosby) in a stasis pod. He decided to kidnap her, waking her up, and alarming the Templars. Jason and his pirates fled, but were pursued by Templar ships. Jason let some of his crew, Maida (Anjelica Huston) and Zeno (Ron Perlman), escape while Roscoe (Michael D. Roberts) stayed to help Jason. They were captured.
During their capture, they met Killjoy (John Matuszak) who has been pretending to be a monk to avoid being a slave. Jason and Roscoe are sentenced to become slaves, a process which includes castration. Roscoe and Jason are spared castration by the princess, who has taken an interest in them. Princess Karina purchased them as her slaves, to work as servants during her party. That evening, they were reunited with Killjoy (disguised as a robot). Jason, Karina, Roscoe, Killjoy and Nanny managed to leave the planet before the Supreme Commander (John Carradine) arrived to arrest her.
Princess Karina is spoiled, and she hired Jason so she can find her father, who went missing while searching for a planet with water. It is rumored he discovered one and the Templars would do anything to keep it a secret in order to maintain power. At some point, Jason keeps a secret that a nasty creature is hiding in their spaceship. Later, they are about to eat a turkey when something bursts out of it and runs away. Someone asks, "What was that?" Jason replies, "space herpes". On their next planet, Jason and Roscoe got reunited with their fellow pirates, Maida and Zeno. They proceed to locate the "lost" planet that contains massive amounts of water. The planet must be approached on a specific course or the ship will be suspended in time forever. The course apparently contains some sort of real or illusory time distortion (resulting in both the heroes and the villains reaching old age during the climactic battle).
In the end, the day is saved by the now-adult son of Karina and Jason, the result of a romantic tryst just before entering the time distortion field. As the heroes exit the field, everyones ages regress to what they originally were, leaving Jason and Karina with the knowledge that they will have a child together.

Review: The scene where the captured ice pirates are being prepared for slave duty alone is worth the price of admission!Then there's the robot that was purchased for an inexplicably good price.
This is the movie that killed Mary Crosby's career and nearly derailed Robert Urich's, Angelica Houston's and Ron Perlman's.
and Buckaroo Banzai, and laughed your ass off at Spaced Invaders and Killer Clowns from Outer Space, you'll love Ice Pirates.The time is the distant future, where by far the most precious commodity in the galaxy is water.
The galaxy is ruled by your basic evil emperor (John Carradine) presiding over a trade oligarchy that controls all mining and sale of ice from asteroids and comets.Robert Urich is Jason, leader of a band of ice pirates that includes Ron Perlman, John Matuzak and Michael D Roberts.
In the formulaic plot for outlaw space operas, our heroes attack an ice freighter, are captured, but escape with a princess (Mary Crosby) kidnapped by the evil emperor in tow.
They rescue her, thread the perilous path to the center of the universe and the fabled tenth planet, and destroy the evil empire's stranglehold on the people.Along the way, you are treated to some of film's oddest aliens, god-awful puns and excellent lampoons of space opera icons.
Robert urich is always cool as ever and the rest of his cast looked like they were having a good time with their characters.They first get captured and sent to a factory that turns prisoners into unichs.
its worth it though cuz I always give points to movies that have a good way of not taking themselves seriously and letting the audience in on the laugh..
Ice Pirates is the funniest sci-fi spoof, and one of the best comedies ever made.
Ice Pirates is Spaceballs on Nitrous Oxide.Of course, to appreciate it you'd have to have seen a lot of science fiction movies, as they are what Ice Pirates is poking fun at.
Like "Hudson Hawk," a light-hearted comedy unjustly slagged because moviegoers who'd never seen Moonlighting couldn't hack Bruce Willis not wading through bullet storms (and because judging from the MSTK-driven bottom 50 on IMDb, pack mentality rules), "Ice Pirates" bombed because most SF fans of the generation couldn't stand their genre mixed with humor; witness the prompt implosion just a couple years before of the very witty TV show "Quark" after only a handful of eps.
Ice Pirates is a B-movie, it's campy, trashy and it is most of the time hilariously funny.To me it probably is the funniest sf movie I ever watched.
Sure, Galaxy Quest is funny, but it is also totally selfconcious, the whole humour comes from making fun of Star Trek.Ice Pirates also makes fun of sf tropes, but it never takes itself seriously.
While the story might be less strange than Buckaroo Banzai, the former is as quirky as the latter.On the other hand, some of the visuals still look great to me.This is one of the few films, I loved as a child, that stood up to the test of time and entertained the adult me as well as the young peg..
Three years before Mel Brooks poked fun at the Star Wars trilogy, a cast of fine actors had a go at the cheesy space operas of the 1980's.
The only flaw with this movie, is not enough jokes to keep you laughing until you bust a gut.I was amazed at the casting for this space comedy.
People who compare it to Spaceballs and others of that ilk are misguided- Ice Pirates is NOT a spoof movie or juvenile comedy.
What sets this movie apart from silly comedies like Spaceballs and others is the variety of serious emotional moments, love scenes, death scenes and a generally elevated plot- finding a new source of water in the galaxy.
Unlike most other movies of ANY genre, Ice Pirates has a fast pace, endlessly interesting backdrops, and surprisingly few ridiculous aliens- compared to the numerous silly creatures in Stars Wars/Return of the Jedi.
Stunningly attractive Mary Crosby is a great reason to watch this movie unless you're female and then the recently late Robert Urich is your reason.
This is a perfect sci-fi/comedy movie with great actors and a well working plot.
This is the movie "Galaxy Quest" wanted to be.Absolutely hilarious script, executed with style and wit, double entendre loaded, spiced with loving hommage after hommage, Robert Urich at his most deliciously hunky, Anjelica Huston looking tough-dyke fab, the biggest, bestest, blackest afro-sheen robot, and Bruce Villach as a more fabulous outer space queen then Zsa-Zsa, makes this little film a lost gem.Don't worry about plot and storyline; they're there and well above standard for the genre.
imitation and the gag about the used broken down robots that Urich and Roberts have as a crew is just overdone.The Ice Pirates will never be a classic.
The Ice Pirates is far from one of my favorite sci fi movies from the 80's.
The cast is filled with some notable actors, like Robert Urich (who shows a lot of charisma), Angelica Huston and Ron Perlman in his film debut.
However, The Ice Pirates is pretty bad, with lots of dumb humor, slapstick, ridiculous outfits and plot holes galore.
This was too cheesy for me in the 80's and while The Ice Pirates is not a very good movie, I was amazed by how far the filmmakers went with the stupidity and insanity of this film.
I love the scene at the beginning when Robert Urich and crew (which includes a very young Ron Perlman and also a younger Angelica Huston!) first board the ship and we see a !!maid?
wet bandits?...oh wait, that last one's been used) try to discover the route to a fabled unlimited supply of water with a lovely but spoiled (Druish?) princess en tow and a group of idiotserdespicable villains in pursuit.This movie has the potential to be a really great comedic parody ("Star Wars," David Lynch's "Dune") but was just not handled correctly.
It doesn't really succeed in being all that funny which is a shame since it has Angelica Houston, Ron Perlman and Robert Urich, (hence the three stars) who aren't exactly slackers in the acting department.Definitely a rental and definitely have a drink straight up..
Robert Urich plays a pirate who hijacks ice shipments that carry water to the desert planets in this water starved galaxy.
For a movie that's supposed to take place in outer space, it feels cramped and closed-in like it's being filmed in the front seat of someone's Mazda.
And the special effects, while appropriately cheesy, look more than anything like foam rubber painted metallic gray.Usually, I don't let things like that bother me, especially if the story and the characters are worthwhile.They ain't.The whole storyline, about these ne'er-do-well space pirates who decide to find a planet loaded with ice they can melt down and sell as water (a hot commodity in the future, I guess) is about as original as the jokes, which is not a compliment.The humor comes in at about crotch-level (like that castrating machine you'll see early on), and everyone seems to have a cranky attitude.
Released in 1984 & set In a world where water is the most valuable commodity this oddball OTT Gross out action Sci-fi comedy has everything a Robot pimp, a half chicken Alien on the toilet, a sexy sword welding female pirate, a castration machine, a time warp that ages you 10 years per minute, Ron 'Hellboy' Perlman, cowardly cyborgs, some of the lamest potty humour ever put to film, decapitated heads, chopped off hands, a horny frog woman, a mental bar fight, bumbling pirates, ferocious Space Possums, a hilariously camp Luke Skywalker impression and best of all the disgusting 'Alien' Chest Burster inspired Space Herpes.
The Ice Pirates looks like it was filmed using George Lucus' rejected Star wars set pieces featuring cheesy but great practical effects topped off with a Synth soundtrack this film feels and looks true 80's to me and I had a great time experiencing it.
Okay, it is a B-Movie but it got lots of fine ideas, a good shot of humor and some good actors like Ron Perlman and Robert Urich.What we get is sword fights, fighting robots, time warps, and the eternal war of man and woman (in love).If you like sci-fi and if you like comedies, this one is definitely a watch for you..
It was certainly a great movie to grow up with in the 80's and even though it's not nearly as bonkers as SPACEBALLS, I remember liking it a lot better because it's certainly a lot darker and contains a lot more tension, thrills, and suspense.8-year-old:Really fun space action movie gets off to a bang but quickly bogs down in some talky bits and lack of action and funny jokes until about halfway through (I still have no idea why that pointless and long Carradine scene was included).
However right at the point when Urich asks a guard for a drink and splashes it in his face, the movie starts getting good and maintains an energy that just gets better as the film goes along.
Good music, fun costumes, lots of fun action and effects mainly hampered by mushy stuff and jokes that flew right over my head.35-year-old:I'll agree on most of those points, only I had no idea at the time how cheap this movie looks.
Unfortunately most of the humor falls flat, mainly being aimed at very young teenagers, featuring a very unwelcome cameo from an irritating Bruce Villanch.However, this film certainly has an idiotic charm to it that I haven't seen a lot of movies manage quite this well.
"The Ice Pirates" is a pretty engaging off kilter comedy spoofing both space adventures and swashbucklers, with enough verbal and visual gags to make it pleasant, and impossible to truly dislike.
Not all of its scenes work that well, but it's sure to have its viewers smiling if not laughing out loud.TV stars Robert Urich ('Vega$') and Mary Crosby ('Dallas') headline a cast also featuring Michael D.
After their latest escapades, they're captured by the baddies - dubbed Templars - and then acquired by princess Karina (Crosby) so they can help in a quest to find her father.Reasonably good visuals and a decent score by Bruce Broughton help in the enjoyment of this little bit of escapism, as well as a fairly clever finale taking place inside a time warp where our heroes steadily age while fighting the bad guys.
The movie is for the most part a giant Star Wars ripoff: they just copied the whole bloody concept, the 'used universe' art style, the bleeping robots, the scoundrels, the princess, the evil wizards/empire...Then they try to combine this with idiotic comedy and believe me you will laugh, not at the jokes but at the over the top nonsensical lunacy they call a film.
Possibly the problem is because The Ice Pirates is trying to be a space-comedy-adventure: an extraordinarily difficult thing to well and this film fails on all three counts.
The story of space pirates who fight Templars and herpes to find ice in a universe where water has become a scarce resource.
With robots and princesses to boot.The connection of this film to "Star Wars" and "Space Balls" is obvious.
Ice Pirates is not a direct parody like Space Balls is, but enough of the same themes are present to see the influence is more than just slight.I enjoyed the racial humor (which I won't go into here) and also the references to things obviously outside the realm of this movie's universe (Tylenol??).
Elton John could have showed up to sing "The Circle of Life" for this scene.The short of it is if you like Star Wars, Space Balls, or other such films you really need to give this one a try.
Anyway, perhaps appropriately given the characters involved, the script rips off many sci-fi titles then of recent vintage – SOYLENT GREEN (1973), ZARDOZ (1974), LOGAN’S RUN (1976; to the extent that it was filmed on some of the self-same sets!), STAR WARS (1977), ALIEN (1979) and MAD MAX 2: THE ROAD WARRIOR (1981)!
Also involved is a beautiful princess (Mary Crosby, daughter of Bing!) in search of her father, the deposed king; by the way, the cast includes another famous offspring: Anjelica Huston (daughter of John) as one of the pirate band – thankfully, the actress’ mistake in accepting such a role would soon be forgotten in the wake of her winning an Oscar (under her father’s guidance, no less) for PRIZZI’S HONOR (1985).
Since STAR WARS had Peter Cushing as the “Supreme Commander”, the film-makers opted to have a screen legend of their own – 78-year old John Carradine (who’s seen strapped to a sort of operating table during his one brief scene!).The most notable bits (for all the wrong reasons) are: the alien using the toilet; the castration machine; the clumsy antics (including karate-style combat!) of the inevitable robot companions; the goofy slave/eunuch make-up worn at one point by the heroes; the recurring attacks by the “space herpies” (whatever that is); the climax in which the characters are made to age when going through a time-warp (Crosby becomes pregnant, gives birth, and sees her son grow up in the space of 30 seconds, while leading man Robert Urich himself is replaced by John Ford stalwart Hank Worden for this scene!) – incidentally, the jump-cuts adopted here (intending to denote the rapid passage of time) are not only unsuccessful but downright irritating..
Jason (Robert Urich) leads a band of pirates in a raid to steal ice from the Templar fleet.
Too bad it wasn't good enough.This is a movie for SF fans, the way Galaxy Quest is, just not as well made.
Favourite game: Try to name the film(s) being parodied at any given point in Ice Pirates.I recommend this film to anyone who likes bad movies or has seen too much Hollywoof Sci-Fi..
It seemed to be me that at first they tried to make a real and serious adventurous science-fiction movie, perhaps even a franchise but soon began to noticed how bad it all was and simply decided to insert some more and deliberately overdone comical sequence, to make the movie seem more like a comedy and prevent it from turning into a complete disastrous mess.The movie is a weird attempt to mix adventurous swashbuckling pirate movies with serious science-fiction action.
The movie isn't even too ashamed to copy entire sequences and even the way the story progresses, sets, characters and robots show similarities.
It also keeps the characters way too shallow and uninteresting to care about.Sad to see that actors like John Carradine, Anjelica Huston and a still young and unknown Ron Perlman were attached to this disastrous movie.OK I admit that I liked some of the moments, especially the ending when they go through the time-warp was original and fun but really, non of this all was enough to save the movie.I didn't even liked the movie in a campy kind of way.2/10http://bobafett1138.blogspot.com/.
Robert Urich stars as the leader of a group of ice pirates, who steal ice because water is the most valuable substance in the universe now (how all the poor people stay alive is a mystery).
If you like Huston (or Robert Urich, or Mary Crosby, famous for being the woman who shot JR on Dallas), give this movie a look-see.
I love Quantum Leap, and I love this movie- but wow, don't chalk this up to POMO- this is sheer Ed Woodian crapo'la!There are all these different styles popping in and out, from Star Wars to straight up pirates to "fun boy/Dr. Sues outfits" to cheesy TV romance to Bruce Vilanch!
Without much moolah for special effects the writers had to, well, write, and the barrage of one liners/tete a tete/general tomfoolery make the "Ice Pirates" a good movie to watch over and over.
Okay, when I first saw it I probably did not actually get many of the jokes (such as the space herpie or the eunuch machine) but it was a science-fiction film and back then I pretty much liked anything that was science-fiction.
Energetic Campy Fun. A space pirate gets caught up in the affairs of a princess who is set on overthrowing a galactic empire...Yeah this is a little, okay a lot, derivative.
It's a bit ham-handed at times, but gets enough elements right to be entertaining.Robert Urich is likable as the lead and is equally good at the action and comedy.
Mary Crosby makes a decent love interest, but the pirate crew are more interesting: Ron Perlman, Anjelica Houston, John Matusak, and Michael D.
They make for a great ensemble and have some of the best lines and scenes.If you want some good old B-movie goofiness, you can't go wrong here..
Mel Brooks might have created Spaceballs, but it wasn't the first parody on the space opera, that honor will always go to The Ice Pirates!
"Ice Pirates" is one of these movies that has simple special effects but is story and character driven "Ice Pirates" takes place in a time when all of the galaxies water supplies have dried up except for one planet.
But it shouldn't distract you from enjoying the film.This is a classic 80's science fiction adventure movie that is not named Star Wars or Star Trek.
Watch out especially for Ron Perlman in an early role, others of note is Huston, Crosby, Urich, Carradine and Matuszak.If you like pirate-adventures or science fiction, or better, both, you should definitely watch this movie at next opportunity...5/10.
. you'll most likely love THE ICE PIRATES.
After all the new "Star Wars" films of late, we need another space spoof.
Neither were most of the cast, except for Ron Perlman and Robert Urich, who got new chances to crash their careers...The special effects were cheesy looking, which is probably the movie's main problem..