Hatchet
Tags: violence, absurd, boring, murder, storytelling

Plot synopsis:
Set in the Louisiana bayou, it is the story of the legend of Victor Crowley. A group of tourists discover that the legend is real and more horrifying than they ever imagined.Two hunters, Sampson (Robert Englund) and his son Ainsley (Joshua Leonard), are fishing in a swamp during a full moon. Ainsley says he has to use the restroom, and Sampson rows their boat to shore. While Ainsley is urinating, Sampson falls silent; Ainsley goes to see where he is and finds Sampson's mutilated body. He grabs his harpoon, only to be murdered by a monstrous being.During a Mardi Gras celebration in downtown New Orleans, there is a group of friends including Ben (Joel Moore) and his best friend Marcus (Deon Richmond), who have come to have some fun since Ben's girlfriend of eight years recently dumped him. Ben decides to go on a haunted swamp tour, and Marcus agrees to go with him. The two find that the tour is closed because the guide, Rev. Zombie (Tony Todd), was sued for negligence. Rev. Zombie suggests that they try a place farther down the street, owned by the over-the-top, inexperienced tour guide Shawn (Parry Shen). Marcus decides to leave but changes his mind upon seeing two topless girls: Misty (Mercedes McNab), a ditzy porn star, and Jenna (Joleigh Fioreavanti), a bossy, boastful, up-and-coming actress. Their sleazy director, Shapiro (Joel Murray), is also there. Ben pays for himself and Marcus and Shawn leads them to his tour bus, where the other tourists, Jim (Richard Riehle) and Shannon Permatteo (Patrika Darbo), a Minnesota couple, and the quiet, hot-tempered Marybeth (Tamara Feldman) are waiting.Ben tries to make friends with Marybeth, who rejects him, while Marcus takes a liking to Jenna. Shawn does not know what he is doing, which the others realize as they arrive at the swamp. Shapiro has Misty and Jenna strip down and film a scene for Bayou Beavers as everyone boards the boat, while a homeless swamp-dweller warns them away from the swamp. Shawn leads them through swamplands and past abandoned houses, including one where Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), a deformed creature, lived. Shawn mentions "one night Victor's dad goes crazy and whacks him in the face with a hatchet" while looking at "ghost lights"; however, Shannon sees someone in the trees, and Shawn accidentally crashes into a rock, sinking the boat. To reach land, they must walk across a broken tree. Jim is bitten on the leg by an alligator, making him, Misty and Shapiro fall into the water. They reach shore and run to safety, while Jim bleeds profusely. They realize that Shawn is not a tour guide; he is just a college student looking for money. Marybeth takes out a gun she brought and informs them that her father and brother, Sampson and Ainsley, disappeared while fishing nearby, presumably at Crowley's hands. She then tells them the real story of Victor Crowley.Long ago, presumably the 1940s-60s, Crowley was a deformed boy (Rileah Vanderbilt) who was kept hidden from the world by his father. One Halloween, a group of kids decided to scare Victor by throwing fireworks into his house, but the house was engulfed in flames. Victor's father (also Hodder) tried to hack down the door with a hatchet to save Victor, but because Victor was pressed up against the other side of the door trying to get out, he hit him in the face with the hatchet, killing him. Victor's father died of a broken heart ten years later. Marybeth believes Victor roams the swamp as a vengeful spirit, killing anyone who enters.Victor mostly kills people near his house, which they are standing in front of. Shannon becomes infuriated with how scared everyone is and decides to help her husband into the house. Victor emerges and kills the Permatteos. Marybeth shoots Victor, but only makes him fall. While running away, Shapiro is separated from the others and killed by Victor. The others find Shapiro's body.Marybeth suggests they return to the Crowley house to get weapons, and all six of them go to the house. Jenna, Shawn, Marcus, and Misty stand guard while Marybeth and Ben go into the shed to get weapons, but find Sampson and Ainsley's bodies instead. Ben comforts Marybeth, and they grab a shovel and a pitchfork, while the others are scared by noises in the bushes. Jenna is killed by Victor as Marybeth and Ben arrive with the weapons. Marybeth hits Victor with the shovel, making him fall and get stabbed with the pitchfork by Ben. Shawn reaches for the shovel, but Victor grabs it first, chopping off Shawn's leg with it, and then decapitating him while the others flee.The survivors decide to lure Victor back to his house and set him on fire with the gasoline tanks in the shed. They return to the house and Ben goes into the shed to retrieve a gasoline tank, while Misty stands guard and Marybeth and Marcus act as bait to lure Victor in. Marybeth and Marcus discover that Misty is missing, and her head and torso are thrown onto Ben by Victor. Ben finds a tank and throws it on Victor while Marybeth and Marcus set him on fire, but it begins to rain and the fire is extinguished. The three begin running through a cemetery and find the gate locked; Ben is tackled by Victor who spits up blood in his face before he is dragged to safety.They start running away, but Marcus is grabbed by Victor and killed. Victor grabs a gate pole and chases Ben and Marybeth, throwing it into Ben's foot. Marybeth bends the pole until it is pointed at Victor, who impales himself upon it. Ben and Marybeth board Sampson's boat and head out; Marybeth is snared by seaweed and pulled underwater. She sees Ben's arm sticking into the water for her to grab, but is pulled up by Victor, who is holding a dying Ben's severed forearm. The film ends with Victor holding her screaming.

Review: Watching the film feels more like viewing a condensed reel of slasher kills with a few drunk and fun-loving friends - certainly not a bad thing, but not exactly a horror movie either.
In summary, I'd certainly recommend the film for anyone who gets a kick out of the slasher craze of the 80s, but be sure you're in the mood for goofy fun and not an actual horror flick..
While I wouldn't be too sure about that, Hatchet does make one thing clear at least, and that's that writer/director Adam Green has undeniable talent.Structured largely as a parody of the Friday the 13th films, Hatchet casts legendary Jason Voorhees stand-in Kane Hodder as Victor Crowley, the deformed son of a backwoods Louisiana bayou fisherman (also played by Hodder), who was presumed killed years earlier in a house fire started by a bunch of tormenting local kids.Green follows the stock formula for such movies: take a bunch of folks, find an excuse to strand them in monster country, and let the audience revel in watching them get picked off one-by-one.Where Green excels, however, is in his smartly written, comically-paced script that is chalk full of genuinely funny inside jokes that are blatant winks at the audience and along the way establish more of a bond with Sean of the Dead than Halloween.In terms of horror movies, there's nothing going on here that is particularly inventive or even scary, but Green clearly isn't out to achieve that.
Rather, he's paying homage to a genre that he grew up with, as is clear by the cameos he's given to icons Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street) and Tony Todd (Candyman and numerous others).Bolstered by good acting, top notch production values, and intentionally rubbery costume effects, Hatchet panders to the fan-boy crowd in glorious revelry.
Clearly Green knows his audience likes to sit back, kick the Fangoria magazines off the couch, and watch somebody take a belt sander in their kisser.While I think labeling Victor Crowley as the next horror icon in the same vein as Jason, Michael Myers, and Freddy is complete preposterousness, saying Adam Green is someone to keep an eye on is a more realistic, and complimentary laurel..
The basic story is some people want to go on a haunted tour in the New Orleans swamps, and they get their wish along with a story about the spirit of a Victor Crowley who was hideously deformed at birth, and accidentally hit in the head with a hatchet by his Father when their house caught fire, the Father was trying to save him.
There's nothing original and all that great about this movie, it's basically just another slasher film with some obvious humor, and excellent gore effects.
I think "Hatchet" is being over-hyped, in fact, WAY over-hyped, and a lot of horror/gore fans are going to be a little let down, especially with the awful ending..
Hatchet (2006) is another of those modern horror movies that tries to copy the magic of 80's horror's, although it did have some sort of 80's feel, it just didn't have much else.The storyline was boring and predictable, and i didn't really care for any of the characters either, and some people have "TRIED" to claim that Victor Crowley, is the next horror icon.........
Fresh and unique, forging a new path through the wastleland of redundant slasher flicks as "Sean of the Dead" and "Scream" had done in previous years.Unfortunately about half way through, this movie does a complete about-face.
The cast of this horrible movie were ugly as hell and couldn't act worth sh*t.The desperate to get laid black guy "Marcus" trying to be funny was painful to watch, and the annoying Chinese tour guide "Shawn" with the fake Southern accent was enough to make you wanna slit your wrists it was so bad.
There is just not any good American horror movies anymore.Once in awhile something good and decent does comes along though,but movies like Hatchet have turned the genre in to a joke..
Repetitive, silly, and completely lacking in suspense are what comes to my mind when I think of Hatchet, and that is being relatively kind to it.I was a horror film fan in the 1980s, and readily watched various entries in the Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre series, among others.
As I remember this period of filmmaking well, I can certainly recognize where Adam Green drew inspiration for Hatchet, but, frankly, he has assembled a film that is far more inept and valueless than even some of the worst 80s slasher films.The plot, of which there is little, goes as follows: Ben (Joel David Moore) and his friend Marcus (Deon Richmond) are visiting Mardi Gras in New Orleans to help Ben take his mind off a recent bad breakup.
It becomes a race against time for the various shipwrecked individuals to make their way back to civilization with all body parts intact.If you are interested in watching a film put forth a great deal of effort to create some of the goriest, most over the top, no holds barred violent death scenes in recent memory, then pop Hatchet in the DVD player, sit back and enjoy.
The premise is weak, although the comedy in the characters was fun (and this was the ONLY mild thing of interest) it somewhat gives the impression of a bait and switch as if the whole 'murder hunt' was an actual game like a double bluff, and if you take the scenes apart it is entirely acted out that way, but to actually sit thru this trash fest and discover it was trying to take itself serious was more horrific than the movie could ever achieve alone.
Even though they are fun to watch, they don't offer the same realistic blood thirsty gore that the recent films offer.Hatchet is cheesy, unrealistic, and down-right awful.
The only reason I am giving this film one star is because I can't give zero.The tag-line of "next generation horror" really got my pumped up to see this movie - boy was I wrong.The plot was old school and so was the cheesy nudity.
I got on the buzz train for this film and really wished I hadn't, the acting and dialog was sub par to that of any 80's cheese horror flicks.I think Robert Englund and Tony Todd were just terrible in the film, I know it had tried to be campy but it came out like molded cheese.Cheesy films I don't mind but this has got to be one of the most over hyped gore throwback to the 80's film that I have seen.Again don't let the pretty cool gore soaked scenes cloud your judgment people...this is basically on par with any Troma release and that's all.Wait for video and rent it for the gore..
I am a big horror film fan and have seen just about every horror film going even the very bad, I read about Hatchet nearly 2 years ago and when I saw a trailer for it I was very excited, expecting another Friday the 13th series to begin, the wait was not worth it, I was very disappointed, it did not have the atmosphere of a horror film, more of a comedy but a non funny one, OK the gore and was good and the deaths were original but it did not have that eerie feel about it, if anyone understands what I am saying, like when you watched the Friday the 13th films for the first time, Camp Crystal lake had an eerie aura about it.
It should be an indictable offence to hype up a piece of drivel like this with the intent of duping unsuspecting people to think they are going to get a good movie.The glowing reviews here have to be either from (paid?) fanboys or people with extremely shallow intellect.The gore fx are ultra-cheesy, the blood looks like raspberry syrup, the jump scares only work because of the music crescendos.If you're expecting something John Carpenter or Wes Craven-e s q u e (I thought the Admins had fixed the stupid "-esquire" thing, but it seems not), you won't find it in this.
I saw a very by the book slasher flick with no surprises or real twists on the genre.The plot concerns a tour group in the NOLA swamps that begin to be picked off one by one by the deformed Victor Crowley (wow what an original name).
- Official site In the tradition of 80's slasher movies, Hatchet starts of as a genuinely creepy, genuinely funny horror/comedy.
As it is he looks like he has walked off of the set of 'Wrong Turn', a far more imaginative horror movie.Whilst the film pays homage to many horror classics, the ending is a blatant rip off of one of these.
The rest of the cast aren't given a lot to do, and a couple of the ladies(including Mercedes McNab of 'Angel' fame) are there with no other purpose than to show their breasts and scream.Overall there are enough jumps and laughs to keep it going for its extremely short run time (85 mins), but If you are a die hard horror fan, then you will have seen most horrors and will find the nostalgic feel of 'Hatchet' enjoyable, which it is in a mindless way.
Oh yeah, way too much blood getting slopped around, kinda took away from any scary realism and further established this as a B-film.Bottom Line: If you're looking for an older style horror flick where the monster never seems to die, check it out, but don't expect too much in the way of a story, scare, or acting.
You can hardly blame them as the script and plot weren't desperately inspiring and two of the girls were only there to provide more gratuitous topless footage.It's a hammed up, cheesy movie with a sense of fun but not enough going for it to even to amuse you if you're the kind that likes to watch those 'so bad they're good' type horror movies.
I have seen enough movies that I should know better than to go into movies with expectations, but I was really excited about seeing the "Old School American Horror" that this film advertised itself as.
This is, however, not what the film delivered.When I think of Old School American Horror three movies instantly come to mind; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), Dawn of the Dead (1978), and Halloween (1978), all of which have been remade into lesser films in the last 5 years, but that is beside the point.
I'm not sure whether the blame for this goes to Kane Hodder, the makeup effect crew, or the director, but Victor Crowley just didn't really scare me.Speaking of laughing at the film, that is another place where this film departed from the Old School American Horror.
If you've seen enough horror movies you'll probably be able to pick them out when you watch the film as well.
It's rare for horror movies these days to scare the crap out of you while making you laugh out loud.I can't wait until this comes out in theaters, Anyone who reads this MUST try to see it at the Tribeca film festival.
The plot of "Hatchet" centers on friends Ben and Marcus,who decide to join a haunted bayou cruise.Led by maverick guide Shawn the doomed group of tourists sails into the darkness.The boat sinks in waters known to be haunted by Victor "Hatchet Face" Crowley(Kane Hodder),who aims at butchering his guests piece by piece."Hatchet" is amazing.It perfectly blends humor with stomach churning gore.The violence is so gruesome that it quickly becomes comical,Victor Crowley looks wonderfully campy and the gore flows freely.The best part of Green's film is its comic pacing.Due to its frenetic action the film often reminded me Sam Raimi's splatter classic "The Evil Dead".So if you are a fan of crazy early 80's slasher gorefests give it a look..
The monster fails to frighten, the girls shake their boobs at the camera a few times too many and the death scenes are fairly ridiculous but not in the 'fun' way.I usually LOVE to watch horror-made-comedy but in this case, the movie falls short in all respects.
I had read a lot about HATCHET online over the last year and thought it could be a nice little horror flick to enjoy like Wrong Turn or Cabin Fever.
That was until 2006, when Hodder was cast as the first (And only) actor to play the deformed ghoul Victor Crowley for Adam Green's new horror franchise "Hatchet." While I can't speak to how much the role has eased the sting of being dropped as Jason Voorhees for "Freddy v.s Jason", I can certainly say that it should.
It's ugly to look at, but there's no doubt this was director Adam Green's intention...And have I mentioned yet how scary Hodder is as Victor Crowley?"Hatchet" is a MUST watch for any horror fan nostalgic for the "good old days" of slasher movies.
Hype surrounded this film for quite some time before it was released, Hatchet was being heralded as the one of the best horror movies of this decade and a genre defining work.
Although Hatchet is an entertaining movie, it adds nothing to the slasher sub-genre and it is not all original.Nonetheless, amongst all the dire remakes, shoddy Saw movies and bland sequels, Green has created a damn good horror/comedy with bucket loads of extreme gore.
And the nudge/wink factor even extends to stunts and makeup, with Kane Hodder (one of the more well-known men behind Jason Voorhees' scarred hockey mask) playing lead monster-man Victor Crowley, and MMI Master John Buechler providing the gaggingly OTT makeup effects (which he did for several of the Friday THE 13TH films.)I don't think rabid horror fans and writers did Green any favors by hyping this up the way it was, because sold as a great little 'B' pic, it might've had a bigger shot at a decent theatrical release.
It is definitely worth your time.So if your a fan of Slasher films; and you call yourself a horror fan....you HAVE to see this movie!.
Story is great very isolated very dark and the victims have no way of getting help no way out but to get rid of the bad guy and the special FX are amazing a lot of blood a lot of gore and some pretty good acting on the part of the cast I'd say this movie will go down as a gore fan favorite right there with Friday the 13s and the Halloweens.
Like those movies "Hatchet" includes typical genre elements (in this case gore and a slasher), but it never ever really tries to scare us.
There are also some nice little cameos by slasher favorites (Robert "Freddy" Englund and Kane "Jason" Hodder appear together in yet another persiflage on the genre that made them famous, and Tony "Candyman" Todd makes a hilarious appearance, too).Another thing that reminds me of Abbott and Costello and that prevents "Hatchet" from becoming horror in any way is the fake looking stage design.
The whole movie plays like a remake of "Friday The 13th" and it's hard to tell whether that's meant to be a loving homage or if it's just a blatant rip off that writer/director Adam Green mistook for typical "Old school American horror".
If you are a fan of Horror you will love this movie.It has everything, and I mean everything, I like about horror movies, including true Horror icons in the film.Victor Crawley shows us that their is more to fear in the night than Jason and Freddy...There is a new killer on the loose and he's out for your blood.The Kills are over the top and the tension will have you throwing your popcorn in the air...Do yourself a favor and catch Hatchet before Victor catches up to you.I look forward to more thrillers from Adam Green.Wait....
'Hatchet' is one of those horror films that in 15, 20 years we will truly appreciate it for what it is, and what it did for the genre.It has a pretty basic storyline that follows a tour group out to a haunted swamp where Victor Crowley lives.
In OLD School the rule is, You fool around, then the killings begin.I think Adam Green should take his talent of gore, watch a few more truly scary old Skool horror flicks and try again, but without so much comedy and "Bad" actors.
That's probably how most people felt when they saw this.But it's not based of the book about a 14 year old surviving in the wilderness,nope,it's about a group of people stuck in the swamps of New Orleans being chased by a man who looks like the unmasked Jason Voorhees in Friday the 13th Part II,so there similar kind of?I mean there both about survival.Anyways,onto the review.First,the good,when you're talking about horror movies,you gotta talk about the kills,how they good were they?In this movie,they're great,Kool Aid was going everywhere.There was some funny moments and I love the tone.It's so goofy and campy,but it kinda works.The effects are great,and some characters are well developed.I also like the low budget like cinematography.I also like that there isn't an endless body count.Now,the bad.Most characters aren't very well developed,and felt like cheap jokes,which,now that I think about it,that's a pro,the fact that the director(Adam Green)is making fun of typical horror movie characters,so,nevermind.But now,the real cons,the pacing was bad,it felt way too fast.The villain I thought wasn't scary,and very cliché,like ya,he'll rip you apart but he has no character,he's just crazy,though he's a parody of Jason Voorhees,just not a good one,he was so bland.I also thought most of the jokes didn't work.Hatchet is a fun throwback to the 80s slasher films that suffers from poor characters and a weak villain..
In 2006 director Adam Green wanted to bring back the feeling those movies gave fans with his slasher Hatchet.With cameos and parts going to Tony "Candyman" Todd, Kane "Jason" Hodder, and Robert "Freddy" Englund, heavy use of practical effects over computer effects and a villain who looked like an 80's type of killer, Hatchet seemed posed to take a spot alongside the best in the sub-genre.
why years after this movie was made, let everyone know that because of all the hype you decided to watch it...?anyone expecting Hatchet to be anything more than just straight up ridiculous gory fun is a complete idiot.
Hatchet is a blood-soaked love letter to the campy horror-slasher films of the '80s.