Outlaw of Gor
Tags: good versus evil, violence, alternate reality

Plot synopsis:
While drinking alone one night, reminiscing of his previous adventures on the planet Gor, Professor Tarl Cabot comes across Watney Smith, a fellow professor with a keen interest in women, yet little success in pursuing them. Watney insists on accompanying Cabot to his next drinking spot, and during the car journey Cabot's ring activates and transports both him and Watney to Gor - The Elder initiates the teleport from Gor  using a rose quartz (the Home Stone) because of suspicions that Xeno, the Priest has eyes for the throne. Cabot is overjoyed at the thought of being reunited with his lover Talena, and the townspeople of Koruba are similarly overjoyed at Cabot's return. After fending off a brief attack by slavers, Cabot meets Talena, and also discovers that her father, King Marlenus is now married to an ambitious woman named Lara. At a feast that night, Marlenus announces that he will soon step down from the throne, and names Cabot to succeed him.
Lara desires the throne herself, and gets the high priest Xenos to agree to help assassinate Marlenus. She then recruits the easily persuaded Watney to provide her with an alibi, and proceeds to kill Marlenus, framing Cabot for the murder. While Cabot protests his innocence, and Talena believes him, the guards capture her, and Cabot is forced to flee along with his diminutive sidekick, Hup. Recognising the danger that Cabot represents, Lara and Xenos hire a "Hunter" to pursue and capture him. In the meantime, Lara betrays Watney and has him thrown in the dungeon, and attempts to have Talena killed by putting her in a fight with two female gladiators, only for Talena to easily triumph.
In the desert, Cabot and Hup encounter another band of slavers, and after attacking their encampment, rescue a female slave. That night the Hunter finds Cabot, Hup and the freed slave, and captures them while they sleep. Upon being brought back to Koruba, the three are thrown into the dungeon by Lara, despite Xenos's attempts to persuade her that even being held hostage, Cabot is too dangerous to be left alive. Xenos attempts to persuade Cabot to return to Earth, and Lara tries seducing him, but both attempts are unsuccessful, as Cabot is now determined to bring them to justice over Marlenus's death. The alliance between Lara and Xenos breaks down, with the former becoming frustrated at Xenos's lack of loyalty, and the latter realising just how disastrous it would be for Lara to rule Koruba, which leads to the two double-crossing and attempting to kill each other, though Lara's attempt ends up being the successful one.
The following day, Cabot, Talena, Hup and Watney are brought outside the castle for a ceremonial execution. However, the four repeatedly fight off their executioners, until Lara sends in her entire guard and the Hunter, rapidly overwhelming the four. As the Hunter prepares to strike the death blow on Cabot, Watney reveals that Lara was the actual killer of Marlenus; the Hunter believes this without question and throws a spear at Lara, immediately killing her.
With Cabot and Talena now crowned King and Queen respectively, they prepare to finally consummate their relationship. However, Cabot's ring then starts glowing, causing him to be worried that he's about to be sent back to Earth. Instead, Watney ends up being the person sent back to Earth, where he promptly finds himself being arrested for jaywalking in a busy road.

Review: take one of the more infamous literary staples, namely the Gor books by John Norman, convert it to film and you'd think you'd be onto a winner.
Hidden amongst the sleaze and thinly-veiled attempts to make the reader think of women as nothing but objects, there are actually some pretty good action-adventure stories.
So it would seem that converting them to celluloid would be a winner, even if only on the soft-porn circuit.Sadly, Outlaw of Gor is nothing like the books.
Unfortunately, by taking away the sex, having a budget less than that of the average teenager's weekly pocket money and doing some awful re-inventing of the novels' original ideas (yes there were some!), the filmmakers literally killed the golden goose and replaced it with a prize turkey.Outlaw is just horrendous throughout, from the acting, the sets, the laughable "costumes", the editing and dialogue right down to the fight scenes that appeared to have been choreographed by the Marx Bros.
Tarl Cabot, the hero of the novels, is translated into a weedy vegetarian who is totally against slavery - a complete reversal from the novels.
In the movie we get.....Jack Palance, who doesn't seem to be in command of his own lines, let alone the planet.
And yes, Jack leers and mugs his way throughout the movie, at least having the grace to look embarrassed at several points.The plot is feeble, centering around an evil Queen's attempts to take control of the city of Koroba by murdering her husband and blaming it on Cabot.
We're also treated to far too many shots of the midget's rear end during the film (I mentioned the costumes were rubbish, didn't I?) and awful moralising dialogue by Cabot about the evils of slavery.There are no special effects to speak of - the budget was too miniscule for that, just the heady excitement of one lame swordfight after another.
At the end, which really sums up the whole movie and had me in hysterics, Tarl Cabot makes as if to snap his sword over his knee - a symbolic gesture of peace.
Yep, that's Outlaw of Gor for ya - all bent out of shape.Even on MST3K this is one of the lamest excuses for a movie.
this is typical example of a moment caught on this awkward film that makes me wonder, what, exactly, are we supposed to be thinking about this?
true, all of this is as appealing as awful watney smith getting massaged or the queen yelling "guards!" even once, though she does it about six thousand times in the movie...anyhow, you get the idea that the viewer is left to wonder what the filmmakers were thinking.
any movie where palance wears fat gold chains and speaks in monosyllables is worth something.
also, the set for the castle sort of looks like a terry Jones fantasy movie i saw once but forgot the title.
i would suggest this movie only to those who prefer a strange film and have a high tolerance for poor film-making.
I really used to think Cave Dwellers was pretty crappy, but Outlaw of Gor makes me wish Ator could skewer Cabot while Thong pummels Watney Smith into submission.
Also, add to the fact that Outlaw is preceded by Gor which makes following the plot (what plot??) a difficult task indeed.Jack Palance really looks annoyed in almost every scene he's in.
Maybe it's those really goofy hats he wears and his facial expression which says "I have more talent in my pinky fingernail than all these scum actors combined."  Urbano is less than mediocre as Cabot, but is less painful to watch than Russel Savadier's portrayal of sex starved Watney.
The barely clad nymphs in the film add a little (and I do stress little) enjoyment to the film especially the terrific acting of Donna Denton whose "Get out of here, you disgusting worm!" speech may be the highlight of the entire movie.
That or any scene with Nigel "Kermit" Chipps.There must've have been so many Seymour Butts jokes during the making of this film..
Firstly, I love the fantasy aspects of films with swords and dragons.
Astoundingly, in an act of Christian fidelity, our hero refuses the quick in-n-out owing to the fact that he is in love with another woman (and of course the other woman is super slender so worth it).Throw in the a dwarf (aha!), palace, catfight and sand dunes and this was well worth my time..
The first Gor at least had the music score redeeming it a little even if nothing else worked, it also made the mistake of having on board two talented actors and wasting them both.
Here in Outlaw of Gor, aka Gor II, the score is the closest the film gets to having any kind of energy, unfortunately it is almost inappropriately utilised and actually doesn't fit at all.Outlaw of Gor is a really cheap-looking film, as with the first Gor the photography is constantly shoddy, the sets are drab and the costumes are a mix of the cheapest plastic armours and left-over-fabrics except to even worse effect.
The fight scenes and their choreography are even more artificial than the children's-playground-like ones in the first film, the editing is slapdash in the scenes, the choreography is unenthusiastic sloppiness all over and there's just no fun or tension or even life to them.The characters have very little personality, just underdeveloped genre clichés really, and Outlaw of Gor has to have one of the most irritating comedy relief sidekicks of all time.
This is including Jack Palance, who actually was a great actor who excelled in villain roles but you wouldn't think so here, here is his career worst performance and the only time where he looked bored and embarrassed.
Particularly bad in the acting department were Urbano Barberini who once again tries to mask his lack of charisma and limited acting skills with cornball dialogue delivery and acting like a buffoon and it gets annoying, Donna Denton who screams her lines almost the entire time and it gets old quickly and Russell Savadier whose character is useless and irritating in the first place and his performance really grates on the nerves.
Oddly enough despite Palance being the best known actor and actually having acting talent Rebecca Ferratti is the least bad, there's more life and expression than there was in her performance in the first film and she does light up the screen with her sexiness.All in all, one of the worst sequels ever made, making the same major mistakes the first film did to even worse effect and makes more on the way.
If you ever happen to see this movie, there is a fight scene where the hero kills his attacker with a big (wooden) sword by clearly stabbing the ground next to his chest.
The whole Jack Palance bit just got me going.
As for the lead actor, Urbano Barberini looks right for the role but his acting skills were rather bad..
My theory: The producers of this film first made the movie "Gor".
Then someone noticed that they still had three days left on their equipment rentals, so they decided to film a second movie.
The end result was "Outlaw of Gor".Jack Palance must have been hard-up for money to do this.
I am disappointed with the genre because of this film.No plot, annoyingly hollow characters that never develop, horrible actors, and a poor concept from the beginning make this movie (and it's twin) worthless.
While such a feat used to be hard for this genre, now it seems 9 year olds get novels published, and screenplays filmed.It gets a second star simply for being so easy to heckle.
Possibly the most disturbing "buffalo shot" in cinematic history (the poor dwarf in the bearskin diaper bares all as he climbs down a building face.)  Obviously I've only seen the MST version, but even that was hard going.
If you ever felt tempted to pick up the misogynistic Gor series of novels, watching this movie should convince you otherwise..
Terrible movie, great MST3K episode.
If you think that the presence of Jack Palance can save this movie, think again.
He actually makes the movie worse by just being a good actor.
For a fun game while watching, drink every time they say Cabot.
The terrible skimpy metallic costumes and lame dance routines done by the few women "acting" in this film can't have been made in 1989...
It's a good "bad movie" to watch MST3K-style, though...
The first one was bad enough, and the short skirts, one take filming, and Jack Palance in funny hats just made me nauseous..
It also probably means that Jack Palance went straight from the mega-bucks production of Batman to slumming it in a desert with a bunch of Italian non-actors.The oddest thing about this movie is that it has no hero.
Yes, Cabot may have the camera pointed at him most of the time, but he does absolutely nothing to affect the story's outcome.
For about the last 20 minutes, he just gets repeatedly beaten and whipped: it would be The Passion Of The Cabot, if anything approaching "passion" were in the actor's repertoire.Cabot's wormy friend is also one of the most annoying and punchable "comic" sidekicks in movie history..
Outlaw's plot comes straight out of the Sword and Sorcerer Handbook  an evil queen kills her husband and blames it on the innocent hero, Tarl Cabot (Urbano Barberini), so she might take control of the thrown.
Cabot spends the rest of the movie trying to clear his name, undo the queen's evils, and return to his true love.Overall, Outlaw is one of the poorer examples of the Conan "inspired" rip-off I've seen recently.
And what's the point in announcing quite proudly in the movie that our hero is a vegetarian?
Between the emasculated Tarl Cabot, scene after scene of a midget's hinder, an annoying side-kick named Watney, and an embarrassed looking Jack Palance wearing one of the goofiest looking hats imaginable, you've got the recipe for one bad movie.Yet I haven't rated Outlaw as low as I could have.
I tend to enjoy most sword and sorcerer type movies, even the bad ones.
In this awful serving, which is a sequel to a film that I haven't(thankfully) watched(I actually saw the first movie to Cavedwellers, much to my horror), an idiot professor by the name of Tarl Cabot(what kind of stupid moniker is that, anyway?!) is drawn once again to the planet called Gor. Along for the ride is his 'friend' and fellow professor, Watney(again with the ridiculous name!).
This guy is one of the most annoying characters ever put onto film.
He has a contest with himself early on in the film to see how many times he can say Cabot!
I mean, I know a job's a job, Jack, but come on!), dressed in a ridiculous costume with what looks like a split butter top loaf of bread on his head instead of a hat.
He's supposed to be the second bad guy, along with the evil younger Queen that the King married(sure, seventy year old decrepit guy, she married you because she loves you!
Cabot gives her a lecture about loving freely(who does this guy think he is?
John Brown Cabot?) then he goes back to the capitol city to try to rescue the Princess(who was in a wrestling match with a pair of lesbians) and stop the evil Queen and her creepy old High Priest adviser(Palance).
You'd at least think that the utterly infuriating little toad Watney would have been killed by the Queen, but no...the last scene is of this total moron walking down a road in 'America'(for America, read Italy), still wearing the lame ass costume he got in Gor. Once again I have to take my hat off to the Italians, who loved making films with scantily clad well oiled idiots pretending that they're big, bad swordsmen and wizards.
These aren't even B grade films-they're more like Z-grade for the most part, although most of them do have the laugh factor going for them, since they're pure Italian cheese of the stinkiest kind..
OK, so someone took the basic outlines of the infamous "Gor" novels and used them as an excuse for this amazingly threadbare, slipshod excuse for a feature film.
I want to blame John Milius and Arnold Schwarzenegger for this mess, since it came out in 1989, but in actuality it was probably just another piece of product grunted out by the "Sword and Sandals" division of the Italian film industry/sausage factory, and it (or something very similar to it) would probably have been made even if "Conan" had never existed.
Well, somehow they got hold of Jack Palance and dressed him up in choir robes and a series of goofy hats.
Everyone else can barely get their lines out without stammering or chewing the scenery, and the guy who plays "Watney" will probably never live down his role in this turkey if he lives to be 210 years old.
Writing and screenplay...sorry, you must be thinking of some other movie.
The Urbano-whosis guy, you know, the romantic lead, survived this movie...he even went on to do dozens of other film roles in Europe.
And if this sequel is any indication, don't seek out the first "Gor" movie, not if you value your brain cells..
I like reading SciFi and Fantasy, but I've neither read nor heard of the Gor novels.
I was never expecting a classic film like "The Best Years of Our Lives" (one of my favorites) or a classic fantasy saga like "The Deed of Paksenarrion," just a generic Hack-And-Slash time filler, and that's what I got.A lot of both Gor movies reminded me a bit of the Edgar Rice Burroughs "Barsoom" novels I read in my youth--deserts, fights, hero transplanted from another world.
I did, however, like the midget comic sidekick character Hup.Fight scenes?
There is a rebel uprising kind of thing on sword and sandal slave planet Gor.Stuff a synopsis, this "European with token American" nonsense doesn't merit it.
The smelly hands of dilettantes can be found all over this amazingly inept Z-movie, starting from the moronic plot-twists, moronic characters, and moronic costumes all the way to action sequences so badly choreographed they might rank this turkey in the "Top 5 Most Awful MST3K Fight Scenes".The Evil-Bitch Queen - or "bitch in heat" as Jack Palance so hilariously calls her - is such a bad mastermind coup-maker that one has to wonder just how stupid her kingdom's subjects must be to let her get away with it all.
She kills two key political figures (old geezers) in her kingdom within an hour - the second one in front of a dozen witnesses - and then a few days later actually stabs Palance, out of the blue, in the gut in front of the ENTIRE populace.
Not as bewildered as the viewers though.The MST3K team riffs the movie well; there are some big laughs, including a proper drubbing of Palance who looks positively stupid and highly embarrassed in his goofy "space" costume.
His character has nothing at all to do with the plot in the first hour, aside from following his Evil Queen around like a piece of furniture on legs..
I cannot fathom that the first Gor film was profitable enough to warrant a sequel.
Sure, there were some pretty bad B movies back in the day getting sequel after sequel; however, I had at least heard of said films.
No, I only heard of this one after 2010 when I was looking through a list of films that Mystery Science Theater has riffed and that is how I first saw this sequel.
I also saw parts of the first one, as this one recaps the previous adventures of Cabot the most bland sword and sorcery hero I have ever witnessed!
I cannot think of a single 'hero' from a film of this type that falls as short as this guy does, and I am not just talking the character, I am talking about the actor who depicts him too.
The only real actor of note in this one is a very angry looking Jack Palance who so obviously does not want to be in this film, but probably needed a check and thought a trip to Italy would be nice!
The story has Cabot returning to the world of Gor, a world that is behind our times, but has some magic and lots of 80's looking women with big hair.
That is one of the things I have to give this film credit for, it has some very attractive 80's girls in it showing cleavage and in some instances oiled up!
Well, after his name is mentioned a ton of times, Cabot finds himself in the middle of a set up where a priest uses the king's trophy wife to take control of the kingdom, at least that is what he seems to be doing at first.
Later, it seems more like the priest is the queen's puppet and that the priest is the more reasonable, who knows, it probably is a good book, but the movie is not.
Cabot wanders the desert with his small friend sidekick and gets offers of pleasure all over the place before everyone rejoices as the defenseless queen is skewered.
Still, this film had more to offer as far as riffs that they seemed to miss, like the the queen being killed in kind of brutal fashion when she could have been simply taken captive.
For the most part some funny stuff.So you get to see Jack Palance as some wizard type dude who seems to be pulling the strings and is not.
A vegetarian hero who really does not do all that much heroic stuff, but has great restraint when it comes to resisting girls who wish to give him pleasure and lots of cleavage!