Death Machines

Plot synopsis:
Three separate duo's of karate kick-boxers fight it out under the watchful eye of glamorously sinister Madame Lee, (Mari Honjo) an ersatz Asian "Dragon Lady." Her handsome and dapper Asian assistant, Mr. Lu, also stands observing nearby. They watch two Asian kickboxers fight, two African kickboxers fight, and two Caucasian kickboxers fight. One Asian kickboxer (Michael Chong) defeats the other by slashing him bloodlessly with a machete, and then one African kickboxer (Joshua Johnson) defeats his opponent by piercing him with a pole. One of the white kickboxers pulls out a knife to stab his opponent, but the opponent (Ron Marchini) quickly pulls a pistol out of an ankle holster and shoots the other kickboxer dead. The Dragon Lady observes stoicly, but is apparently impressed with the fighting talents of the three survivors, and admits to her assistant that "They will do nicely."Soon Madame Lee enters a darkened room and has a conversation with a mysterious man in the shadows who apparently funds Madame Lee's operations. She tells him that the drug worked exactly as he had said it would, and now "they're completely under our control." This man gives her an eight by ten photograph of a mustached man know as Mr. Gioretti (Chuck Katzakian). The man in the shadows says that Mr. Gioretti runs an out-of-date crime syndicate, and he tells Madame Lee that they need to run another test of their "death machines," and Mr. Gioretti "and his people" should be used for that end. She quickly agrees.The scene shifts to Mr. Gioretti relaxing poolside with two women when he picks up the nearby phone. He gives firm instructions to the person on the other end that he wants hits on two business men. The first one is Hong Lo (Eric Lee), the proprietor or a local karate school, the other being Nathan Adams, a bank vice president.A sedan pulls up to the curb outside a high rise building, and a man carrying a satchel gets out of the car and goes inside the building and up to the roof. He pulls a rifle out of the bag and starts to take aim at Hong Lo, who is walking below nearby on his way into the karate school. The gunman tries to zero in on his target, but before he can get a shot off, he's waylaid by the Black Death Machine (BDM) who grabs his gun. The hitman pulls out a pistol and shoots the BDM, but the bullets have no effect, and the BDM continues his assault. Soon the Asian Death Machine (ADM) and the White Death Machine (WDM) all converge on the gunman hoisting him onto the ledge and then tossing him off the roof and down onto the hood of his illegally-parked car. An aging meter maid in the process of ticketing the car recoils in horror as blood spout from the gunman's mouth.(Note: From here on, the three "Death Machines" will be referred to as the DM's. Individually they will be referred to as WDM (White Death Machine), ADM (Asian Death Machine) and BDM (Black Death Machine.).)The phone rings and Mr. Gioretti is awakened as he lays in bed with a woman. He is incredulous at the news of his gunman falling from the building. Later that day, another hit man takes aim at the bank vice president Nathan Adams as he jogs in a park-like setting. As he's preparing to take a shot, a vehicle pulls up about fifty yards behind him. Madame Lee's assistant and her three DM's get out of the car, retrieve a bazooka from the trunk, and soon annihilate the assassin with one well-directed smoky blast.Now at his office, Mr. Gioretti takes a phone call from an associate, George. Mr. Gioretti learns that another one of his hitmen is dead -- this one "blown up." He engages in a heated conversation with George, who speaks to him from a phone booth. Mr. Gioretti demands to know who's killing his assassins, but George insists he doesn't know. As George loudly protests his ignorance, a bulldozer appears in the background and starts for the phone booth. After a few moments, George notices the bulldozer and starts to holler for it to stop. The driver of the renegade bulldozer is revealed as the WDM, who steers the vehicle straight for the phone booth and ultimately crushes it. A confused and angry Mr. Gioretti hears George's anguished screams over the phone line.Next, Mr. Gioretti finally receives a phone call from Madame Lee who informs him that she is the one killing his men. She tells him that in this town, if anyone wants someone killed -- they must deal with her. Although he's originally reluctant, Mr. Gioretti agrees to meet with Madame Lee, and he soon arrives in a small propeller-driven airplane at a small dirt airstrip where his driver, Mike, awaits him. They then drive to Madame Lee's mansion, and Mr. Gioretti and Mike have a nasty exchange pertaining to whether Mike should accompany Mr. Gioretti into the house. Mike is disappointed and annoyed when his boss orders him to go to "Tony's" to eat dinner. The reprimanded driver Mike peels out in the driveway leaving clouds of dust as Mr. Gioretti watches angrily.Mr. Lu lets Mr. Gioretti into Madame Lee's mansion and tells him to wait. Madame Lee immediately comes down the staircase, and engages Mr. Lee in some acrimonious conversation. They agree that she will supply him with a "demonstration" of her professionalism.Meanwhile, the driver Mike goes for dinner at "Tony's," a quaint Italian eatery. As Mike sits alone in front of a large picture window eating his salad, Tony the owner brings him a plate of spaghetti, and goes into a long monologue about the quality of his food. Seconds later, when Mike tries to dig into his meal, he discovers a red Buddha buried beneath the spaghetti, and calls Tony back. Right after Tony apologizes and takes the plate away, the headlights of a huge truck appear through the picture window. It immediately heads for the restaurant, causing diners to scatter. The renegade truck drives right through large picture window and into the restaurant. All the diners rush outside, but Mike gets corralled by the three DM's. Mike fires six shots at the DM's, but to no avail since they seem impervious to bullets. The ADM soon closes in on Mike with a machete as the BDM lurks behind, carrying one large wicker basket.Meanwhile at Madame Lee's, it's now after dinner and a waiter pours more wine for her and Mr. Gioletti. She soon tells Mr. Lu that it's time to bring in her demonstration, and Mr. Lu brings in a large wicker basket and places it on the table. The waiter again freshens Mr. Gioletti's wine as the basket is opened by the confused crime boss. He's shocked to see that Inside is the severed head of his driver, Mike. Mr. Gioletti quickly pulls a revolver out of his pocket and shoots the waiter right through the bottle he's holding. Mr. Lu quickly enters the room and points a revolver at Gioletti, but Madame Lee peevishly waves him off. Mr. Gioretti and Madame Lee then agree that now they're even, and can do business. So Mr. Gioretti now gives her eight by ten photos of the two men he had previously tried to have be killed -- the Karate school owner Hong Lo and the bank vice-president Nathan Adams. Madame Lee comments that she knows that the Karate school guy is using his establishment to front drug money. She also wonders aloud why he would want the bank V.P. killed when they'll immediately be another bureaucrat to replace him. Madame Lee gives the photo of Hong Lo to her assistant who takes it upstairs and gives it to the three DM's. Mr. Lu tells them to leave no witnesses.The scene shifts to Hong Lo's Karate school where a class with about twenty students practice. Young blonde and very serious student Frank Thomas practices along with the others. Soon Hong Lo enters the class holding a small red Buddha and asks if it belongs to anyone. After no response from the class, he says that he'll just keep it. Moments later the class is suddenly disrupted by the three DM's crashing feet-first through the front windows and wreaking mayhem on the class. All the students are beaten and butchered by the relentless DM's who use their fists, feet and knives and swords that they pull off the walls. Hong Lo gets electrocuted by being shoved into a live breaker panel. Frank Thomas has his right hand brutally severed, but survives.Soon two Police detectives, the veteran Lt. Clay Forrester (Ron Ackerman) and his less-experienced partner Jerry Farnham (Edward Blair) arrive on the scene. The younger Farnham becomes nearly overwhelmed by the carnage and is visibly shaken. Other officers stroll around the corpses, checking for signs of life. The detectives rush back to the station, only to be met by the mocking attitude of detective Doyle criticizing Forrester for missing "human relations" classes. But then the detectives rush off to the hospital to interview the only living witness, Frank Thomas.At the hospital, the two detectives have a few words with Joe, the uniformed officer who is guarding the door to Frank's room. When they enter, they encounter a young nurse in the room. Under questioning, Frank remembers the red Buddha sent to Hong Lo, and he threatens a hoped revenge against the DM's who killed his entire class and took his hand. On their way out of the hospital, the detectives are stopped by the head nurse, who shows them that a red Buddha has been delivered for Frank.Meanwhile, at Madame Lee's mansion, her assistant Mr. Lu informs the three DM's that they left a witness alive at the Karate School massacre. He tells them that he already sent the survivor a red Buddha, and they should finish the job.At the hospital, the nurse and Frank have a discussion as to whether he should have a hook or a cosmetic hand as a prosthesis. Frank is peevish, and doesn't like either choice. After the nurse leaves, Joe sees an orderly pushing a gurney with a corpse on it down the dimly-lit hallway. The orderly is accompanied by a lab technician. As the gurney passes closely to the guard, the WDM jumps out from beneath the sheet atop the gurney and karate-chops the surprised Joe. The orderly and the lab tech are revealed to be the two other DM's, and they karate-kick Joe. The WDM enters Frank's room, shrieks, and seemingly stabs Frank in the stomach with a large knife. As the three DM's are escaping, Joe shoots the WDM in the back. The WDM gets up and Joe shoots him again, and he rises again. The third shot Joe fires is aimed for the head, and the WDM howls in pain as the bullet grazes his forehead over his right eye.Madame Lee sits and sips red wine in her mansion when Mr. Lu enters and informs her that one of her men has been injured and captured. She is incredulous and becomes angry and slaps Mr. Lu harshly across the face. She approaches the BDM, and goes to slap him too, but he intercepts her arm before she can do so. They exchange nasty glares.At the hospital, Detective Forrester and partner Farnham go in Frank's room, and congratulate themselves on their ingenuity in substituting pillows under the bedsheets instead of Frank, who had been moved to another floor.Madame Lee turns out the lights in her mansion, and ascends the staircase to her private quarters. She is surprised to find the BDM sitting in the room. She angrily informs him that he is not allowed in there, but he just sits and glares at her. He angry expression softens into a sinister smile, and she snuffs out the candle lighting the room.Forrester visits Frank at the hospital, and tells him that they're transferring him to a different facility. Forrester tells Frank that he's spoken with Frank's old boss at the bar, and he wants him back on the job. Frank agrees to go back to bartending. At the police station, Forrester is first hassled by rival detective Doyle, who tells him that the suspect from the attempted homicide at the hospital (WDM) is coming in to be interviewed by him, not Forrester. Captain Green enters and dresses-down Forrester for his slack attention to paperwork and missing his Human Relation classes.Two uniformed officers bring in the WDM, who now has a small white bandage taped on his forehead, and they escort him into an interrogation room. Doyle and his partner Rossi go in to interview him, but their suspect appears to become ill as he slowly lowers his head down onto the table. Doyle gives Rossi the okay to uncuff the suspect, and the WDM immediately goes on a rampage. He karate-kicks Doyle and Rossi, and then goes out into the office area and begins to take down all the officers there, including Forrester, Farnham and Green. One detective tries to shoot the WDM, but the suspect manages to grab his arm and deflect the shots onto another detective. Then Doyle tries to shoot the WDM, but instead hits an office worker who the WDM uses as a shield. The entire place is in mayhem, as the WDM escapes out a window and hijacks a police car that he slams into the wall of the station. He reverses his way out, and makes a three-point-turn, but crashes into another vehicle. Forrester and Farnham run out of the station hoping to recapture the suspect, but he has fled the scene.Next the WDM strolls into a sleazy roadhouse diner, and uses the payphone. He soon sits at a table and the elderly proprietor brings him a cheeseburger and a glass of water for no charge. The old man tells the WDM that he needs to find God and gives him some pamphlets. Next about a dozen bikers converge on the diner and begin to mock the WDM, calling him "Tarzan" and asking if he can hear. The ringleader of the gang approaches the WDM, and notices the handcuffs dangling of his wrist. The WDM starts karate-kicking the bikers, but one of them slams him onto a table which crashes onto the floor. But in through the door walk the other two DM's, who proceed to make short work of the bikers by karate-kicking them unconscious. They pick up the WDM off the floor and he recovers and walks out. The old proprietor hands the WDM the religious pamphlets as he leaves, but the WDM throws them atop a fallen biker after he kicks him in the head.Shortly thereafter, Madame Lee plays chess by herself and sips from a wine goblet. He assistant leads in all three of her reunited DM's. She suggests that they continue on with there work since Giordetti has asked her to get Nathan Adams to resign his position at the bank. She says that Giordetti wants it done without violence, and since Adams has a daughter, they should use her as "leverage."Nathan Adams's daughter speaks with him over the telephone. Soon Madame Lee's assistant and the three DM's enter her apartment. She screams as the DM's throw her to the floor, and the ADM removes his jacket. Mr. Lu takes out a camera and begins to photograph her.At Nathan Adams's office at the back, his secretary, Kate, buzzes him to let him know that Mr. Lu -- carrying a wicker basket -- is there to see him. The secretary sends Mr. Lu in, and Adams inquires as to what he wants to meet with him about. Mr Lu pulls out some photographs from his basket and tells Adams that "the others in the photos are not important, but he will recognize his daughter." Adams becomes angry and refuses to succumb to this "cheap shakedown." Adams suspects the Giodetti is behind this plot, and he will not resign his position. Mr Lu pulls a gun on Adams, and smacks him with it telling him to go to the filing cabinet. Mr. Lu handcuffs Adams to the filing cabinet, and goes to the basket he left on the desk. He takes out a big red Buddha with some sticks of dynamite and a timer taped to it. Mr. Lu locks the office door and bids Adams goodbye before exiting through a different door. Adams sees the bomb and begins to yell for Kate to come in and help him, but since the doors are locked, she cannot get it. He yells for her to find the key, and she rummages through her desk drawers to no avail. Kate yells to him that the keys must be in his desk, and he yells for her to go get help, and she frantically exits. Adams watches the ticker on the bomb get closer to the detonation time, and he's relieved when the bomb doesn't explode. A second later, the bomb detonates, showering the street and sidewalk in front of the bank with broken glass and debris.Back at Madame Lee's, Mr. Lu approaches her and gives her a photograph of Nathan Adams. She tosses it into the fireplace, and the two exchange knowing smiles.Frank Thomas walks through the debris at the Karate School crime scene, and he experiences some flashbacks of the three DM's breaking in. Soon Florence Nightingale enters, and they have a discussion, and decide to go back to the bar where Frank works for coffee.At the bar, an exotic dancer shakes her stuff on a small stage. An irate pool-player complains to owner Ned about the price of a one-dollar bottle of beer. Frank and Florence sit and talk at a table, when the dancer Sharon asks Frank for change. Ned sends Frank to get more beer and then he sits down with Florence to discuss Frank. He tells Florence not to give up on Frank. The irate pool-player becomes angrier when he cannot get the jukebox to work, and he starts pounding on it. Ned and Frank tell him to leave the jukebox alone, and the man slams his beer down on the bar and starts a bar fight by cracking a bottle over Ned's head. Soon another pool-player joins in and hits Frank with a pool cue. Florence stares in disbelief as the place is wrecked. The second pool-player punches Frank in the face and throws him atop the bar, where he remains unconscious. The two pool-players leave after throwing a chair through the front window. Florence hovers over Frank, shaking her head sadly.Soon thereafter, Florence and Frank kiss in his apartment. Later he tries to button his shirt with one hand as Florence lays in bed. They seem depressed, discussing changing the past, and how badly Frank wants revenge against the three DM's. Then Frank suggests that they go to a nice motel for a few days. Soon they leave the apartment with Frank carrying a small suitcase.Madame Lee next informs Mr. Lu that Giordetti will soon be arriving at the airstrip. Lu asks Lee if whether Giordetti will need the standard receipt. She says yes, and they had better give him the receipt, before he gives one to them. The three DM's descend the stairs behind her, all zipping up their matching black windbreakers. They all get into a car driven by Mr. Lu.
As Frank and Florence are driving, Frank see the three DM's go by in a car driven by Mr. Lu. Frank tells Florence to get the license plate number, and then kicks her out of the car to call Forrester. She runs to a pay phone at a roadside vegetable stand, and speaks with Forrester, who tells her to stay put. Forrester tells his partner Farnham to put a trace on the license plate number, and meet him at the car. As he's rushing out, Forrester is stopped by Captain Green who angrily wants some paperwork from Forrester, who tells him about the three DM's being spotted and adds "Screw you!"Mr. Lo drives the three DM's to the airfield where Mike had previously picked up Mr. Gioretti, with Frank trailing him. Lo parks the car and gets out to watch a plane coming in. Frank parks nearby and runs to hide behind some tall grass and watch. The plane lands and taxis back to Mr. Lu's vehicle. Either Mr. Gioretti or a man closely resembling him, alights from the plane and hands Mr. Lu a suitcase, and then gets back into the plane. As the plane taxis away, the three DM's get out of the car and retrieve from the trunk the parts to a bazooka. They assemble it on the shoulder of the WDM, and as the plane taxis toward them, he fires off a shot that explodes the plane. Frank watches from behind the grass as the plane's wreckage burns. Mr. Lu and the three DM's all get back into the car and drive off. Frank runs back to his car and follows.Soon Mr. Lu and the DM's are parking on the street in front of Madame Lee's mansion. Frank has followed them and stealthily watches from behind his car as they enter the house. He runs through a wooded area to get a better viewpoint.Inside the mansion Madame Lee is descending the stairs as the men enter. Mr. Lu tells her that Gioretti has been taken care of. The three DM's begin to climb the stairs, rudely pushing Madame Lee in the process. She gets angry and begins to sneer before telling Mr. Lu that she thinks "it's time to take care of those three." Mr. Lu pulls out a pistol and starts up the stairs, just as Frank is making his way through the trees to the mansion. Mr. Lu enters the DM's room, closing the door behind him. From outside, Frank watches and he hears three gunshots. Frank then slowly creeps up to Madame Lee's door, pushes it open and enters, allowing the door to close behind him.Frank slowly walks up the stairs till he's outside the DM's room. He goes to push open that door, when suddenly it flies open and Madame Lee pounces out wielding a machete. She swings it at Frank, who backtracks and stumbles down the stairs with Madame Lee in hot pursuit. She appears to land some hits on Frank as he grunts and yells. At the bottom of the stairs, he falls out through the front door onto the step with Madame Lee right behind him swinging her machete. Just then Forrest, Farnham and Florence pull up in a car and all jump out. As Madame Lee raises the machete high in the air to strike at Frank, Farnham pulls out a gun and shoots Madame Lee in the stomach. She screams and grabs her waist just before blood starts to leak from her mouth. Florence runs up to Frank and he tells her that he's okay. Forrester walks by them into the mansion.Lt. Forrester climbs the stairs in the mansion and arrives at the top landing by the door to the DM's room. He pushes the door open and there dead on the floor with blood dripping from his mouth is Mr. Lu.Three men in stylish suits enter an airport and go up to a ticket agent who hands them their boarding passes, and tells them to enjoy their flight. The three men turn away from the counter to reveal that they are the three Death Machines. The screen freezes with their image.

Tags: violence

Review:
They don't really make films like Death Machines anymore and that's a bit of a shame.
Its story centres on three fighters – the death machines - who are directed by a female crime boss by way of a mind control drug.
There are lots of martial arts fights; heads and arms are chopped off; a truck is driven through restaurant window and a bulldozer flattens a man in a phone booth; an aeroplane is taken out by a bazooka; a banker is blown up by a time-bomb and a professional hit-man is thrown off a roof; an assault on a karate school is attempted with predictably action-packed results; there's a biker bar-room brawl; we have a shouting police captain and a 'hero' who is beaten up easily by an angry pensioner.
Director Paul Kyriazis' "Death Machines" is so unrelentingly silly and incompetent as to rate as a true hall of fame see-it-to-believe-how-bad-it-is turkey.
Now, granted, it could have been even more entertaining on a lovably clunky level, as it's somewhat overextended, but sometimes the padding is absurd enough to generate some real chuckles.This martial arts / action / exploitation piece of sludge stars Ron Marchini, a student of Bruce Lee who also produced the film, as one of three "death machines" (the other two are a black and an Asian) who've been given a drug that controls their minds, and apparently also makes them impervious to bullets.
Another fine bit of comedy has a target for assassination, a bank manager, handcuffed to his file cabinet while a time bomb in his office ticks away - yet his secretary takes her sweet time while helping out.From the super funky and funny music score by Don Hulette (dig that piano during a fight scene) to the thoroughly amateurish acting, "Death Machines" sizes up as a real hoot and a half.
"Death Machines" is a wonderfully precocious bit of bad movie nonsense, director Paul Kyriazi really lets a scene play out to it's conclusion, however unpleasant.
The story involves a Dragon Lady (Mari Honjo, in a one shot performance of a lifetime Carol Burnett could not touch) who are developing some machine like marital arts killers for use by an evil syndicate, problems arise when the killers learn to think for themselves.
it's really hard for me to imagine how someone could not enjoy "Death Machines." It is quite cheap, and the final freeze frame suggest they just ran out of time and money and couldn't finish the credits..
If you remember the great Lee Marvin movie "Point Blank" you'll recognize the "pipe-smoking assassin" character originally played by James B.
As you watch "Death Machines" you find yourself constantly reminded of some of the great scenes or clichés you've seen in other movies.
Of the dozens of B-movies (and worse) that I've subjected myself to recently, DEATH MACHINES is one of the best.
Madame Lee (Mari Honjo), a minor boss in a vague Asian crime syndicate, has got a new weapon to make a splash on the world of organized crime: her three mind-controlled ninjas (Ronald Marchini, Michael Chong, and Joshua Johnson).
When they're assigned to eliminate a local karate teacher (for reasons unknown thanks to bad audio mixing), the "death machines" attract the attention of law enforcement, particularly hot-shot detective Lieutenant Forrester (Ron Ackerman), and earn the ire of overzealous karate student Frank (John Lowe).
Frank is the sole survivor of the machines' vicious attack on the karate school and he's determined to seek vengeance for the murder of his teacher and fellow students and for the loss of his right arm.
Will Frank rise to the challenge of Madame Lee's three unstoppable death machines?
More importantly, will he ever get around to that human resources class so his captain will get off his back?DEATH MACHINES is a perfect blend of semi-competence, incompetence, and martial arts action with just a hint of insanity.
DEATH MACHINES, and the audience, isn't really sure whom we're rooting for to win.Detective Forrester seems an obvious choice, being a police officer and all.
At one point about halfway through the film, there's even a brief moment when it appears the white ninja might shift allegiances and become our hero when he stands up to a rowdy band of bikers that terrorize a Ma & Pa diner/fueling station.
DEATH MACHINES, while certainly not a "good movie", ranks high on the spectrum against its peers.
I don't recall seeing him do anything during the film and I certainly had no idea he was called Frank.The most interesting thing about the whole movie is the plot summary on the back of the video casing.
Even if you tried so hard to make a film on a shoestring budget that was so bad it was unwatchable it would be like The Godfather in comparison to this pile of pants.
Ye Gods where to even begin with this one..Well, mix crap acting (including one bloody infuriating woman who speaks as though she's either a) chewing painfully on some ice cubes or b) has just woken up after having undergone some extensive root canal surgery), editing that would appear to donate that the celluloid was cut and spliced via the utilisation of an angle grinder, some truly hopelessly choreographed martial arts 'action', a script that has ostensibly been written by a two year old and some of the most hideous and intrusively loud background music ever committed to any film and hey presto you have Death Machines aka The Ninja Murders (although note that surprise, surprise  there are in fact no actual ninja anywhere to be found in this sodding travesty!) In a nutshell, if ever there was a cinematic equivalent of a particularly vehement bout of dysentery, then this must surely be it!
This old classic action film in a kind of tale of a difference...This movie asks us what the plot is all about?
They just basically going round killing people left, right and centre..Another thing that bothers me was that when the film finished, the three men just stood there as they're making their way off somewhere..
It just plays the music and the men are just standing there like a bunch of bananas..Well, if you ever see that film, see what you think..?
All I saw was some people in the beginning that looked as if they are in beginning martial arts and some really dumb sounding dialogue so I hit the fast-forward button to watch the rest of the stupid film.
In the history of bad cinema, DEATH MACHINES must rank up there as one of the worst flicks of all time.
The only possible interest somebody could ever have in this film is watching the director trying to pull off all these action scenes without a decent budget.
He tries hard, which is the only redeeming quality.The idea of three non-speaking killing machines is interesting, but it turns out that the guys (one White, one Black, one Asian) don't speak purely because they're rubbish actors!
The worst actor is Mari Honjo, the Japanese villainess, whose delivery of dialogue is the most intensely irritating thing in the whole world.The action scenes are poor and one of them, an attack on a dojo, plays out with virtually no sound effects!
The director tries to incorporate lots of '70s staples into the movie, like bar-room brawls, kung fu schools, car accidents and somebody getting chucked off a building (incredibly the car he lands on isn't dented) but the only decent bits are the bullet hits and the blowing up of a real plane.
There are martial arts films, and there's "Death Machines".
DEATH MACHINES is not one of them.After seeing movies like MALIBU BEACH, THE CREEPING TERROR and THE PINK ANGELS, it is hard to say that this is the worst film ever made; but, it doesn't have much going for it.No plot; really no story to speak of.The acting isn't evident – only the actor responsible for the terribly-played Tony (with the thick, fake Italian accent) made any attempt to "get into character." The score is annoying and pedantic.The only thing about this movie is why...
Did they think the story of: 1) three ninjas, 2) two competing crime bosses, 3) an ancillary bartender / karate school student character; and 4) his pitiful love-interest nurse was so compelling that the world would not be complete without this movie being made?
Pulling out a gun during a martial arts duel and shooting your opponent would be considered cheating by most, but it is viewed as 'using one's initiative' by Madame Lee ( Mari Honjo), whose elite squad of assassins consists of only the most ruthless killers.After wiping out the competition, Lee's hit men are hired by crime boss Mr. Gioretti (Chuck Katzakian) who pays for a hit on a karate school.
Student Frank Thomas (John Lowe) survives the ensuing massacre, but loses a hand in the process; while he recuperates in hospital, the three killers (the 'death machines' of the title) attempt to finish the job...A ham-fisted piece of martial arts action trash, Death Machines is blighted by terrible acting, thoroughly unconvincing fight scenes, and really boring storytelling.
When a film is this bad, there are bound to be some unintentional laughs to be had (the uncuffing of one of the hit men in the police station; the biker fight; the Italian restaurant owner), but there are not nearly enough of them to counteract the extreme tedium..
Calling Death Machines "so bad it's good" doesn't begin to explain how deliriously enjoyable this movie truly is.
What little plot the movie has concerns three assassins for hire – one white, one black, and one Asian (Think of the Death Machines as the Rainbow Coalition of killers - how politically correct!).
The police can't seem to find any leads into the karate studio killings, so it's up to our hero, Whining One Hand (as I like to call him), to bring down the gang of killers.Oh where to start?
The attack on the karate studio, the killing of the man in the phone booth, the bazooka shot at the airplane, the obligatory fight scene in the police station, and the bombing of the bank president – the only connection is that a familiar character or two appears in each scene.
Otherwise, you might get the wrong idea and start to think the Death Machines actually had no real, coherent plot (wink, wink).The killers receive their marching orders from one of screendoms most bizarre master criminals.
And was it just me or were the opening fights rigged to ensure the racial diversity of Death Machines?
When not whining about his problems, getting beat-up by an old man in the bar he works at, or making love to the most unappealing nurse imaginable (I think I might have just thrown up a little in my mouth thinking about it), one of his lone contributions to the movie is to follow the bad guys, crawl through the tall grass, and watch as they blow up a plane and the unknown passengers therein.
By the time he shows up at the run-down house (that's obviously a stand-in for an opulent mansion- just use your imagination) the Death Machines have left, Madame Lee's right hand man is already dead, and yet he still manages to get attacked by the wobbly sword welding Madame Lee and her gigantic wig.
Death Machines is a real hoot of a movie that I implore all fans of bad 70s trash movies to seek out.
As for my rating, I'll be honest, rating movies like Death Machines is difficult.
"Nothing and Nobody can stop them!" "The Death Machines" are three men that dress in black and work for an Oriental woman with big hair.
The head gangster meets with the Oriental lady and tries to convince her to have the Death Machines (or DM's for short) stop killing his men.Soon there is a big brawl in a karate studio where the DM's kill everybody except one man who loses his hand in the fight.
On the soundtrack there is a song about the holy trinity and then all three Death Machines kick into action and beat up all the bikers.
So it is a very, very long shot of the Death Machines in their spiffy suits.Interestingly, the trailer makes it seem like it is a futuristic sci-fi thriller.
What it is, is a very fun, ridiculous, silly action-packed drive-in flick 70's style.If you have any appreciation for this kind of movie, you will be sure to love "Death Machines"!
A multi-racial trio of lethal and indestructible ace martial artist assassins - white guy (beefy Ron Marchini), black dude (brawny Joshua Johnson), Asian man (lithe Michael Chong) -- go around the city and bump off various folks for their evil dragon lady boss Madame Lee (a hysterically campy and vampy Mari Honjo, who can barely speak English and mumbles all her dialogue).
Boy, does this deliciously dippy and dreadful dreck possess all the right wrong stuff to qualify as an enjoyably awful piece of gut-busting schlock: we've got fumbling (mis)direction by Paul Kyriazi (who also co-wrote the nonsensical script), lousy acting from a lame no-name cast, a token hot naked babe, crude cinematography by Donald Rust, hilariously inept fight choreography (sidesplitting highlights include the death machines wiping out an entire school of karate students, the white guy beating up dozens of cops while escaping from a police station, and our deadly threesome opening up a king-sized barrel of hurting on a biker gang in a diner), slipshod editing, excessively bloody tomato paste-style violence, and a stupid "it ain't over yet" sequel set-up (non)ending.
As bad as this movie is, I really like it.
It fails to adhere to any sort of movie making convention which makes it strangely interesting to watch- just lots of people getting killed around a very loose plot surrounding hired killers - no "machines" as such and those weird face/mountain things on the front cover and the trailer do not appear!
I love the fact that there is no good guy in this film until about half way through and I love the numerous pointless scenes of that aeroplane landing - lots of people get killed who have nothing to do with the "plot" and no explanation is given about anything - DO NOT expect to understand this film.
Why did the hero collapse under one punch from old guy onto the bar where a stream of water jets out in the background so it looks like it's coming from his mouth?
"Death Machines" takes a fairly decent premise for an action movie (unstoppable martial arts killing machines sent out to eliminate a crime boss' opponents) and turns it into an unwatchable mess.
It's easily the worst martial-arts/action oriented movie I've seen in years, eclipsing even "Ninja Holocaust" (which at least had some good energetic fight scenes).
The actual "star" of the movie is the white "Death Machine", (it's basically his vehicle) so he is featured prominently in many more scenes than his two cohorts.
He's in good shape, and he's not bad looking, but as an actor he's barely there - think Chuck Norris in "The Octagon",only without any energy or emotion.This is obviously a deliberate choice on the part of the actor and director...but you have to be Arnold to pull this kind of thing off, and this guy is no Arnold.The movie (and the director) can't seem to find the time (or the budget) to film the scenes that would have answered the basic questions that it originally posed, like: Who was the shadowy figure giving the marbled-mouthed Asian lady her orders?
It does, however, find the time to film a completely extraneous bar fight in which a sailor (well, he looked like Popeye) destroys a bar because the juke box didn't work.
It's only related to the rest of the film because in the process he also K.O.'s the movie's "hero", a bartender/karate student who was a victim of the "Death Machines" first major assignment (he got his hand chopped off while they were killing his teacher).
And wait until you see the showdown between the homicide detective and his captain - it plays as if the director and screenwriter never actually saw a movie scene placed inside a police station, but had heard of them second hand and decided to include some without really knowing how they worked.
The three "Death Machines" come across as clods; the "hero" knows his lines but can't carry the movie, given that his character is an ineffective wimp; his girlfriend is a charisma vacuum; and all the other minor parts are barely watchable.
Add to this a low-budget one-synthesizer soundtrack that never shuts up and never plays anything appropriate or interesting; crappy film stock and lighting; fight choreography that is strictly from hunger; and a general all around dreariness and lack of energy in the blocking and the stage business...and you have one lame movie.
Madam Lee (Mari Honjo) who is fun to listen to, creates three zombie "death machines" using a serum.
Add b-movie karate star Ron Marchini and you get this weird, weird film.The action is cheesy, of course.
There is a point in the film where the female boss of the "death machines" (a multi-ethnic trio to please everyone, being inclusive I think it's called these days) talks about using leverage on a business man.
The boss lady had to do the talking as the "death machines" did not say a single word during the whole film and talk she does.
The three mute "death machines" live to survive another day at the end of the film.
I mention him only because there is an actor in Death Machines who looks JUST LIKE HIM playing the owner of an Italian restaurant.
Death Machines is bad by any measure, and pretty boring, which is an even worse crime.