Scary Movie 5

Plot synopsis:
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan get together to make a sex tape with over 20 cameras beside Sheen's bed. The time-lapsed tape fast forwards through the two doing all sorts of bedroom antics, including gymnastics, riding a horse, and having clowns jump in under the sheets. Sheen is pulled into the air by a paranormal force and thrown against walls, shelves, and doors until he lands on the bed again. Lohan is frightened so she decides to go home when she flies into the air as well; she becomes possessed and throws Sheen into the camera and kills him. The text explains that Sheen's body was found that day but he didn't stop partying until days later, and that his three kids were found missing, Lohan was arrested, again, and a reward was put out for the missing children.
Several months later, Ja'Marcus (Snoop Dogg) and D'Andre (Mac Miller) are walking in the Humboldt County woods in California in search of cannabis plants to steal. After stealing one and fleeing, they take shelter in a cabin in the woods. Upon entering they see three strange creatures, later confirmed to be Sheen's children, and turn them in for the reward. The feral children are placed in isolation at a child development research center for a few months until they are deemed well enough to be returned to familial custody. When Sheen's brother, Dan Sanders (Simon Rex) and his wife Jody (Ashley Tisdale) come to collect them, they are told they can have them if they agree to stay in a large suburban middle-class home fitted with security cameras. Jody is reluctant to take the kids at first but soon adjusts to having them. In an attempt to bond with their new children, Jody auditions for a ballet performance, Swan Lake, and is cast in the lead role as the Swan Queen.
Meanwhile, a continuing pattern of bizarre paranormal activity in their new home makes them investigate further. They eventually learn from the children that the attacks on their home are by "Mama", the mother of the children, who is under a curse and is trying to get them back so she can sacrifice both herself and the children. Maria, the couple's Hispanic live-in maid, is frightened and keeps experimenting with various rituals, Catholic and otherwise, to ward off the evil spirits in the house. During the day, Dan is frustrated with the modest progress of his test subjects at a primate intelligence research facility; ironically, Dan is not bright enough to realize that one of the chimpanzees, Caesar, is now actually much smarter than he is.
Jody and Dan, with the help of Jody's close friend Kendra Brooks (Erica Ash), who Jody met at her ballet class, must quickly find a way to lift the curse and save their family. Along the way, they seek the assistance of psychic Blaine Fulda, who turns out to be a complete fraud, and a dream extractor named Dom Kolb (Ben Kornish), who helps them understand that the solution to their problems lies in the mysterious Book of the Evil. However, Jody and Kendra fail to see what the book is capable of, oblivious to four friends continuously becoming possessed and reviving in the cabin. They wreak havoc when either of the two read the two passages of the book; one that unleashes demons, "gort klaatu barada nikto", and the other that revives them from possession. When "Mama" takes the children to a cliff to sacrifice them, Jody fails to lift the curse with the book, but does manage to knock the evil spirit into Ja'Marcus and D'Andre's pool containing a live shark, which then devours her.
Realizing the love for her adopted children is all she needs in life, Jody gives the part of the Swan Queen to Kendra, who performs the dance in the style of a stripper. The performance is heavily applauded by an audience that includes Jody, Dan, the children, and Madea. The story's narrator is revealed to be Caesar, who then informs the audience that the humans should enjoy the time they have on earth and says that apes will one day take over the world.
In a post-credits scene, Sheen wakes up, with Dom Kolb sitting beside him, from a dream extraction, i.e. the whole movie was a dream. After Kolb informs that Sheen will be sleeping with Lohan, a car crashes into the room, killing Sheen. Lohan is revealed as the driver; she gets out of the car, says to Kolb "You were driving" and throws him the keys, blaming the accident on him.

Tags: paranormal, entertaining, flashback

Review:
The latest installment in the series of lazy spoofs, this film offers virtually nothing to its audience, insulting their intelligence for an hour-and-a-half with perhaps the worst collection of blatantly uninspired and recycled gags ever put to into a film.The horrendous excuse for a plot centers on a suburban wife (Ashley Tisdale) and her dimwitted husband (Simon Rex) moving into a haunted house with their possessed adopted children.
From there, the film parodies the biggest blockbusters of the last few years, but does so without a semblance of relevance, creativity or wit.It says a lot about the film that the only half-laughs to be had come from Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan sharing the opening scene – an incredibly stupid and borderline cringe-worthy, but inexplicably entertaining chuckle at their fall from grace.It's all downhill from there as the rest of the film plays out as a series of unconnected set pieces seen literally hundreds of times before.
My son loves the Scary movie brand, he said this one would give the franchise a bad name and he would give it a -2 if he could.This is a good reason to use Pirate Bay. The public is certainly being ripped off by paying for this kind of crap.Anyone who gives this movie a positive review should be suspect.
I've never written a review before, in fact i've never logged into this before, but i HAD to...just to say this is hands down the worst movie i've ever seen in my entire life, people were leaving the cinema and sadly we stayed hoping and wishing it would improve.
It didn't!You know those kids shows on Disney channel where someone bangs their head and you see kids crying laughing, picture that but even less funny, oh and by the way, constantly through the movie it's people banging their head etc, they've ripped the Disney channel off for comedy and failed, HOW BAD DO YOU HAVE TO BE AT COMEDY???
I had read reviews and knew it was bad, but being so infatuated with film and theater, I actually wanted to see the movie to diagnose exactly what made it so horrible.
(Insult me if you must, but I have a lot of free time on my hands and I love all kinds of movies.)I'm not gonna lie, I went into the theater with the hope that on some slight chance, I would enjoy the film.
The latest instalment in the series of lazy spoofs, not including some unforgivable side projects including Date Movie and Epic Movie, this film offers virtually nothing to its audience, insulting their intelligence for an hour-and-a-half with perhaps the worst collection of blatantly uninspired and recycled gags ever put to celluloid.The film's horrendous excuse for a plot centres on a suburban wife (Ashley Tisdale) and her dimwitted husband (Simon Rex) moving into a haunted house with their possessed adopted children.
It says a lot about the film that the only half-laughs to be had come from Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan sharing the opening scene- an incredibly stupid and borderline cringe-worthy, but inexplicably entertaining chuckle at their fall from grace.
I can't think of any way to explain it except this: watching Scary MoVie is the film equivalent of eating White Castle sliders for an hour and a half, washing them down with a gallon of Mountain Dew, topping it all off with seven pounds of cheesecake and then doing the Mentos and Coke thing (featured in this film, incidentally) so you can projectile-puke the stuff you just ate all over your friends who were expecting it and think it's funny.
Truly, honestly, that's the caliber of stuff you're going to subject yourself to for 90 minutes if you insist on watching this.The movie tries to make fun of Inception, Black Sawn, Evil Dead, etc., but it seems to me that you have to actually be smarter than something if you want to effectively make fun of it.
If you like this type of movies - even if not, sometimes -, you can laugh out loud and have a good time either alone either with party.
Definitely better than watching a horror movie like Scream, Paranormal Activity etc, in my opinion.However, in the case of Scary Movie 5, things are, unfortunately, different.
STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday MorningI'm used to seeing spoofs where I know the films that are being parodied, but the recent crop of franchised, sanitised horror films have failed to catch my attention, so it was no help that I hardly even knew any of the films Scary Movie 5 was sending up.
They've certainly failed to provide something even vaguely resembling a coherent plot, and so Scary Movie 5, lacking the Wayans Brothers touch that got it started, is left to just drag on in to the wilderness.Barely 70 minutes long, it's hard to think how something so short could be so torturous, but as it drags along without the merest hint of a laugh as it does, it becomes even more of a painful slog to the end.
I left the cinema regretting I had ever gone to see it.Scary Movie 1,2,3 and 4 all had stories that made sense to parody a range of different horror films.
However Scary Movie 5 doesn't make sense, doesn't make you laugh and has terrible acting.Like everybody else in the Cinema, i did not laugh once (Apart from laughing at how bad it was) I left the cinema unsatisfied and unwilling to ever watch it again.Scary Movie is one of the worst films I have ever seen and definitely will never be seen by me again..
A Nutshell Review: Scary MoVie. I thought after some days of hectic work I'd pick the funniest film on release this week to laugh my rear off, but unfortunately Scary Movie 5 turns in a disappointing form, with the Wayan brothers abandoning their franchise for A Haunted House instead.
The jokes they partook in were really bad, with absolutely nothing to laugh at or about, and if they were to think they have a second career as comedians, they just might want to think again, given their lack of comic timing.No spoof of any horror film today would be without the Paranormal Activity style of video cameras being mounted almost everywhere, with the playback naturally being remotely hilarious, especially when people tend to miss the whole point of what they were hoping to see.
Forming the basis for whatever semblance of a storyline is that of Mama, which involves Jody (Ashley Tisdale) and Dan (Simon Rex) picking up three spooky kids, thrown into a mix of Paranormal Activity, complete with a haunted house, Mama, and a housekeeper whose antics were probably the best bits in the film.Then came some other story development that linked up Black Swan, RIse of the Planet of the Apes and Evil Dead, for the most parts, and so you have one really amalgamated piece of narrative that had tried its best to blend these diverse stories together, but as it turned out, someone forgot to include genuine comedy in the film, short of tapping into the same old bags of toilet humour just for laughs.
I didn't go to this movie thinking it was going to be good, I actually was looking forward to the parodies which were very weak and since when is planet of the apes a scary movie?.
They don't try to make it good, they're just making another Scary Movie.I think a lot of people have forgotten to have mindless fun with comedies.
Honestly I don't have much to say about it, other than it was horrible in all the senses, I thought the 4th was the last one, and it should had stay like that, cause now this one adds to the list as the worst of the whole scary movie collection.
Do yourself a favor and watch Airplane instead, at least it's funny and not retarded like scary movie farts(excuse me, 5!.
Despite the mostly negative reviews, I think this movie is actually the second best of the Scary Movie films.
The movies Paranormal Activity and Inception are two of the main spoofs in the film and they are hilariously done, and the prologue with Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan was just good, funny starter to the film, especially when Lohan spoofs her own real-life legal woes.Seeing every actor's facial expressions, especially Simon Rex's when he experiences ghost stuff, are just fun to watch.
Take a group of bored actors with nothing in the works, mix in a large number of crew meandering around the Hollywood Hills looking for work, add a 120 pages of random meaningless dialogue (found in a discarded waste bucket next to a photocopier) finally stir it all up and hang around studio parking lots or known eateries of studio big wigs and financiers, ply them with drink and voilà you have this.A complete waste of time, dull, predictable and as funny as the toothache that kept me up and out watching it (a wisdom tooth), in their defence we (and those behind them) know Sharknado, Megashark etc.
i think Scary Movie 5 was good, I would not say it was great, but it had its moments where it made me laugh, I think the funniest and best part of the movie was Lidia Porta (Maria) she was so funny and a great actress.
When the humor and jokes hit the movie spoofs they matched, 'Scary Movie 5' would be funny and enjoyable then.
If your a horror fan you will get all the jokes which in this one refers to Evil Dead, Paranormal Activity and few more references to other big films like year such as Black Swan, Planet Of The Apes etc.Very funny from start to finish, was surprised to see Mac Miller and Snoop do their part near the beginning and end...
SCARY MOVIE V is without question one of the worst films I've ever sat through and trust me when I say I've watched some bad stuff.
I really can't believe this script was given the go ahead, it was as if it was written by a elementary pupil.Use of familiar actors are used to make you believe that this film will have some credibility but don't believe the hype!Don't be fooled into watching it under the pretence of the original scary movie franchise quality.
If you have not seen the movies it is parodying then you are less likely to find it as funny or really understand the jokes to their full extent.
I have been a fan of the scary movie series for a good few years and have seen them all multiple time and had high hopes for this film HOWEVER this was not the case If you, for one, have an IQ above 0, then you will find this film lacklustre, humourless with a severe lack of acting ability The appalling performances will astound you like you've never seen it before.
I had high hopes for this movie, i highly enjoyed 1 & 2, and 3 has its funny moments, with 4 being worth a watch (if only to say you have seen it) This film is without a doubt the worst film i have ever seen in cinema history, it has nothing of the humour in the first couple of films that was expertly provided by the Wayan Brothers, and the main (wo)man herself Anna Faris, who's expert timing and well placed gags literally made the Scary Movie franchise what is was, This film has none of their talents (which is extremely obvious) and has obviously been purchased by some obscure nobody who hoped to capitalise on the successful franchise....
Starring Ashley Tisdale and Charlie Sheen (who is only present within the first painful five minutes in a non funny sketch with Lindsay Lohan) the film spoofs big hitters such as Mama, Evil Dead and mostly Paranormal Activity, as well as non horror films Inception and Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which believe you me, comes across as an even more boring watch than the actual horror spoofs.
The funniest part about Scary Movie 5 is that the target audience is not even old enough to watch it, and by the time they are, the film will be forgotten.
In this film we see spoofs of Evil Dead, Mama, Paranormal Activity, Cabin in the Woods, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Black Swan and Inception.I loved Scary Movie.
It felt like they had run out of things to parody so they ended the movie.Overall the film was amusing in places, but I did find myself watching it with a straight face through a lot of the gags.
I will admit that I laughed out loud a few times throughout but like most spoof movies it starts out funny then by the end you are just waiting for it to be over.
Hits like Inception, Black Swan and Mama are spoofed earning some healthy laughs but many dated cultural references and pop culture gags fall flat, this isn't as bad as the first two Scary Movie films but it's certainly one of the weakest, reaching to the bottom of the barrel in desperation.
It's all fairly nonsensical but some of it is actually funny not enough to merit a recommendation but if your super bored or feel you must you could do a lot worse like Scary Movie 3 or 4.
(**) out of (****)- ROTTEN"A Haunted House", "Movie 43", and now "Scary MoVie" in my opinion are actually not the death of cinema and while they are all awful, they do so in a way that's pretty entertaining in a so-bad- it's-good theory but still guys, don't waste your time if you have it elsewhere to spend it on.After riding of our beloved Anna Faris..
I've enjoyed the Scary Movie instalments when I was younger and when a few friends asked me to watch the new output I spontaneously joined them and gave this film a try.I must admit that this fifth part of the series had a couple of good laughs for those who know horror movies quite well.
Scary Movie 5 showed a lack of intelligence, that was seen in the first two, and meant for a great lack of enjoyment for the whole film with unfunny and unoriginal jokes that have been poorly used many times before.
I actually sometimes enjoy watching the first two Scary Movies, but this one is just so bad.
I'm not a big fan of the Scary Movie franchise, so I got what I expected from this film.
I didn't mind the second or third films but this one was by far the worst.A lot of big names are in the movie, mainly Ashley Tisdale who is the main character and I can't believe she read this script and thought "Wow, this is a great idea" but hey, she probably made good money.
Scary MoVie The key to creating a great parody is to never watch any installment of the Scary Movie franchise.Regrettably, the makers of this comedy not only ignored that rule but also made one of their own.On a mission to snatch weed plants from the wild, Snoop Dogg and Mac Miller encounter a cabin that is occupied by three wilding girls.The offspring of Charlie Sheen, the feral orphans are entrusted to his brother Dan (Simon Rex) and his girlfriend Jody (Ashley Tisdale).Protecting the sisters from harm is an evil spirit named Mama.Jody later uses the book of the dead to exorcise Mama from the children's lives.Infantile and redundant comedy combined with overt and pointless references to contemporary movies, Scary MoVie is devoid of purpose and laughs.Now, if we can get Scary Movi6 to lampoon Scary Movie 1-5 than maybe this series will implode.Red Lightvidiotreviews.blogspot.com.
The movie lasts 1 hour and a couple of minutes and for me it was a century...I was thinking from the first 15-10 minutes when will this bullshit ends....Looks like an amateur movie that me and my friends could have directed...Scary movie 4 was good enough,funny in THIS movie I didn't laughed a single time,where was the fun ???
I really feel like I've gone over more than enough how much I hate this style of spoofing, so I really don't think I can say anything new or different; it's just the same "everybody's a loser who focuses on getting laid and getting high with random movie characters stuffed in there" movie I've watched 6 times now.Scary Movie V had potential in the first 12 minutes; when it's focusing on schadenfreude humor that's not only genuinely funny, but also feels very clever, that's when this movie is at it's best.
scary movie 5 is the worst film of the series.
I though scary movie 4 was bad but this film was terrible .
The Scary Movie franchise grew popularity within the starting of the early 2000's decade as a new and fresh comedy/horror spoof films.
I laughed a few times, which is more then Scary Movie 2 (Zero) but the negative reception this film got, as well as poor box office will probably put this franchise to sleep for good..
And this is a shame, because - believe it or not - there are actually some quite amusing moments in the film.The first Scary Movie (if you can remember that far back!) parodied Scream and, as a result, followed the story pretty closely.
Scary Movie 5 is an unclever, unoriginal parody of films like The Paranormal Activity series and Black Swan (Black Swan, really guys?
The film is bad, there's hardly a funny joke in the entire movie, but I still found it amusing.
There really isn't any point, and I know that generally all the scary movies are supposed to be stupid (and making fun of scary movies) but at least the other ones contained SOME laughs and the jokes/spoofs were funny.