Epic Movie

Plot synopsis:
Four orphans each receive a Golden Ticket, each via a different film "parody" - Lucy (The Da Vinci Code), Edward (Nacho Libre), Susan (Snakes on a Plane) and Peter (X-Men trilogy). This ticket entitles them to visit the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Willy tells the kids that the secret ingredient in his chocolate is human parts, and he plans to keep the orphans in his factory to use them for his chocolate. He succeeds in getting the ingredients, which includes Lucy's sweet "heart", Edward's "peanuts", Peter's "surprise" tooth and Susan's lemon "head" to the tune of 'Fergalicious'. He then brands Peter's backside and locks the orphans in an old room, where they bemoan the lunacy of their captor. Soon, they hear Willy looking for them, and all rush to find a place to hide. Lucy runs to a room with a wardrobe (The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe) and after a series of items fall on her, including a live woman, she climbs inside to find a snowy forest. When her tongue gets stuck to a pole (A Christmas Story), half-man half-goat Mr. Tumnus arrives to help her.He welcomes Lucy to "Gnarnia" by showing her around his home (as a "parody" of Cribs) and introducing her to a rapping Kanye West-lookalike brother and several goat-women. When Lucy expresses gratitude to his friendship, he gives her a spy-secured camera, which painfully scans her retina before playing a film that warned her of the grave danger she is in (Mission Impossible III). Back at the Chocolate Factory, Edward follows Lucy through the closet to Gnarnia and is nearly hit by a fast sleigh with a license plate (Tokyo Drift). Onboard is the White Bitch, whom Edward calls "Stifler's Mom..." (American Pie series). She convinces him to trap the other orphans. Eventually everyone makes his or her way to Mr. Tumnus' house, where the orphans discover a clue in a painting of the Last Supper that lead them to learning that they are all related to one another, and that the White Bitch killed their parents. Edward goes to see the White Bitch at her castle and realizes all she cares about are the other orphans. After having his feelings dismissed and realizing he got the wrong tattoo on his back (Get Rich or Die Trying), he realizes that she is evil and refuses to tell her where the other orphans are. Unfortunately, the White Bitch flashes him her chest and a transfixed Edward gives her the information unhesitatingly. A group of cameramen and an Ashton Kutcher-lookalike then appears (Punk'd) to mock him, and Edward is locked in the castle prison.A talking beaver named Harry sends Lucy, Susan, and Peter out of the winter scenery and into the woods to train for the war. They end up in a castle where they meet three adults dressed as students (named after the characters of Harry Potter), who help the orphans train for the war. Back at the White Bitch's castle, as she prepares a WMD that will create a new continent for her and her followers to live on (Superman Returns), her assistant hands her a computer with her MySpace on the screen with an IM from Silas saying that the kids have escaped. Edward tries to find ways to break out of prison, and does so with the help of Captain Jack Swallows (Pirates of the Carribean). Swallows brings Edward to his ship named Fantasia (after American Idol), where rapping male and girl-band female pirates tell Edward about the life of a pirate. However, it was a trap to deceive Edward, as Swallows sell him to the White Bitch and reveals that the ship they are on is an amusement park ride. With Edward secured, the White Bitch kills Jack Swallows. Edwards grabs the WMD from her but accidentally drops it into the water, triggering the first stages of an earthquake.Upon finishing their training, Lucy, Susan, and Peter, head to the camp of Aslo. There they encounter James Bond and his girls (specifically Casino Royale), Chewbacca, Borat, Lord of the Rings characters, Robin Hood, and Peter's X-Men classmates. All of them promise to help them fight the White Bitch and save their brother. Aslo agrees to help the orphans on the condition that he may seduce them, including Peter. Afterwards they arrive to the castle, where Aslo and Silas fight briefly and pull each other's hair (Enter the Dragon) before Aslo emerges victorious. Edward is rescued, but after encountering the White Bitch Aslo is quickly killed off. When the orphans learn this, they promise to fight tomorrow, but until then to party. As the resistance sang and danced, Peter gets a night with Mystique but reveals disturbing fetishes, while Susan drinks and ends up vomiting on the resistance army. As a result, no one shows up to support the foursome when they face the White Bitch's army.As promised, Jack Swallows arrives to attempt revenge against the White Bitch. Somehow, her face changes to that of Davey Jones and she play Miss New Booty on a turntable. This was revealled to be an octopus stuck on her face, and she throws it to Swallows', who loses sense of direction and ends up retreating. Back to the battle at hand, the foursome charges against the White Bitch's army, which include Star Wars stormtroopers. All the children are struck down, and the White Bitch steps forward to kill Peter, who is the last one standing. He grabs a remote off the ground, which he uses to pause time (Click). After experimenting it on passing joggers, he heals the injuries of his comrades, and the orphans proceed to kill the army as it is "paused" to remain in the same position. When the army is destroyed, the ground starts shaking again, and Edward uses the remote's TiVo menu to erase the White Bitch's evil plot.Before they can kill the White Bitch, Peter stops them and makes a speech about how they will give her a fair trial, yet before the lecture is over Jack Swallows runs the White Bitch over with his cartwheel. Harry Beaver promotes all four of them Kings and Queens of Gnarnia. They are each described: Peter "the heroic", Edward "the loyal", Susan "the just", and, Lucy, the "dumb-shit". They rule Gnarnia for many years, and in their old age, they discover the wardrobe once again and walked through it, becoming young again. Borat appears to congratulate them, but Jack Swallows' cartwheel runs them over, and then he says "NOT!". Then he turns around and smacks his own behind and then the credits roll. In the Unrated, Longer Version of the movie, instead of Borat, Willy Wonka comes in and says "I told you it was going to be an epic adventure" instead. The Oompa-Loompas come in and start singing the Willy Wonka theme song as he puts a 'do not disturb' sign refering to the girl in the wardrobe. Then, Jack Swallows comes in with the wheel and crushes the Oompa-Loompas and the orphans/rulers of Gnarnia.

Tags: fantasy, murder, stupid, bleak, cult, violence, flashback, humor, entertaining

Review:
In other words, after seeing this you can't help but try and remove the stain it left on your very soul by vomiting out the experience onto others.This movie entered with the tag line of being "written by two of the six writers of 'Scary Movie'!" What they forgot to mention is that the two who wrote it were only responsible for writing the credits and all the jokes deleted for the sake of not causing mass suicide.
Yeah, not even some sort of Karma dealing fiend would wish this movie upon the world."So," you ask, "What makes it so bad?" I bet your thinking that all of the funny stuff was in the previews, right?
When you actually see the movie, you start to ask, "Why was that funny in the preview?" The answer: You can see pretty flowers if you ignore the fact that they are growing from the corpse of a man who died during a freak green house accident.Do yourself a favor, rent a History channel documentary on the history of documentaries and hit yourself in the head with a hammer.
...but rather just a list of movies that the filmmakers wanted to parody, strung together by the weakest plot in film history and a lot of unfunny jokes.You would think that the team responsible for the mess of a movie that was Date Movie would at least have learned something from their last film to help them avoid the same mistakes, but they didn't.
I will say right now, that I don't like any of the recent Friedberg-Seltzer movies, merely because not only do I feel that there is a complete lack of comedic talent in their films, but also their films come across as a complete waste of time.
And just like Disaster Movie, I seriously was considering turning the film off 20 minutes in, that's how painful I found it.
What a disastrous piece of film.If you are looking for something completely un-original, embarrassingly un-funny and down right cringe worthy, then this is the ideal movie for you.I feel like a lesser person after watching it and as if nothing will ever make up for the what felt like an eternity I wasted on watching it.It simply continues to deteriorate with every passing minute until I could do nothing but wish for the ending.My advice would be to not waste any time or effort on watching this movie of epic disappointment, as I myself literally had to suppress the urge to physically destroy the DVD.
Epic Movie (2007) is total crap, no beating around the bush here, it was so bad it actually angered me that i paid to view this turkey and i wanted a refund, i felt cheated, the only reason i didn't cause a fuss at the cinema was the fact that something very funny happened......
I didn't have a clue what was going on, the 'script' was idiotic, the actors were totally lame and annoying and the jokes were pathetic and UNFUNNY, how this ever made it to the silver screen i'll never know.I advise anyone who's thinking of going to see this piece of JUNK, to stay well clear and save their money, thank you and GOODNIGHT!
In regards to this film, and all others like it, I find myself scratching my head and begging the question: "How in the Hell did this movie ever get made?" While I've yet to receive any official response from the filmmakers behind this atrocity, I have come up with my own theory...Hollywood hates us.
How could we be so stupid as to fall for a film boasting a lame concept written by a bunch of comedic hacks who think "I'm Rick James B***h!" jokes are still relevant--let alone funny?
Especially in Penn's case, as he's on the verge of shattering the Kumar image most people still associate with him."Epic Movie" is supposed to be a comedy, but there's nothing funny about it.
I'm all for parodies, but this film is so unfunny; it's not even funny.Oh, and next time--God forbid there is one--for "Epic Movie II," why not try parodying truly epic movies?
This movie may be funny to you, if you liked Date Movie, since both films are pretty much the same in cast and script quality.Epic Movie is a loosely strung together collection of slap-stick comedy sketches based on various epic movies (Pirates of the Caribbean, Nacho Libre, Chronicles of Narnia, X-Men, Superman, etc...) so it's probably helpful if you have seen a few of the epics this movie takes off at, to understand the jokes used.
Epic Movie tries to cash in on the Scary Movie, Date Movie, "Movie" Movie franchise, but doesn't measure up to the originality shown in the Scary Movie series.It doesn't take a genius to recommend that you save your box-office ticket money, and if you're interested, wait for the DVD, since this isn't an essential big screen movie..
I hear Disaster Movie was pretty awful but 'Fool me once...' and all that, I dodged the bullet of watching it.The whole mindnumbing experience is simply a series of pathetic spoofs of blockbusters, with the merest thread holding the weak storyline together.
Words cannot describe this movie, but i am going to try anyway...Its like all the terrible furniture adverts, every single horrible and painful nightmare, all the terrible reality TV shows and as many awful jokes all rolled into one pointless, tedious and brain cell destroying train wreck of a film!Its like they have just watched scary movie 4 and said to themselves, "how can we make this worse?".
And its strange because i never possible thought that there could be a comedy film that could go any worse than scary movie 4 did, ill give them that, they have done the impossible.What happened to the good old days of take-the-mick movies like scary movie 1 and 2 or even airplane or hot shots they where actually funny.
Anyone (actor, writer, director, or producer) should be jailed for 1 year for participating in the production of this film.I would provide spoilers for this movie, but that would mean there is something worth spoiling.I actually felt embarrassed for the actors.
The acting is poor, no story line (...even though I knew that there was not going to be much of one), the script was shocking and the jokes, which the film all about, simply NOT FUNNY.
For the first time ever I have tried to get my money back from the cinema and believe me I have seen some bad films but this took the biscuit.
Not even funny, just stupid dick and fart jokes that don't even cut it as jokes.Just don't waste your time, this spoof movies are just getting worse.Save your money, don't buy it on DVD or watch it on pay per view or whatever, because it is bad.I wish I could vote minus number out of ten..
You see Epic Movie decides to spoof such movies as The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lione, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Snakes on a Plane, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mans Chest, Superman Returns, X-Men: The Last Stand, Borat, Nacho Libre and oh way too much more as well.
Its a mesh of horrid jokes ranging from slightly (and emphasis on slightly as I didn't even smirk) funny, a beaver getting kicked, to pretty bad (a Mystique scene where a man wants her to become a fat woman), to excruciatingly awful (the horrible Kribs sequence) to just plane suicidally awful, the Punk'd spoof.
Whoever let these people try and write something funny about Snakes on a Plane needs to be forced to watch this movie back to back!
Normally I am a kind of guy who at least can stand even stupid comedies such as Stealing Harvard, the Scary Movie series, and even Date Movie but this has to be the worst film I have ever seen.
To me it seems like the writers did not even try to be funny here.The movie begins with a parody of Willy Wonka, which sets the tone for the entire movie of badness.
Heck, any movie that this one parodies is much more worth seeing than this waste of film..
Those people should be ban for life and stop making this so call COMEDIES.(Date movie was just as bad) First: the leading actors, wow, they are so bad its not even funny, you don't like then and they have not one comic bone in their bodies.
If you liked this film, please sterilize yourself before you spawn and make the world a much dumber place.That this movie was ever financed is an insult to any good indie filmmaker.PLOT: What if scary movie sucked so bad you couldn't watch it because all the jokes were like some kind of torture device for the human brain??
If the movie had been any longer than 90 minutes I swear I could have shot myself.The film also recycles old jokes used in other terrible Friedman and Seltzerparodies.
This joke was not funny in either of the films.Not Only does the film recycle old jokes from previous parodies but also recycles jokes within the movie, Jayma Mays kicking the beaver wasn't funny the first time, so why do it again.I just hope Friedman and Seltzer run out of genres to make films about.The film does nothing but expand on the trailer, I recommend that if you want to see the film, watch the trailer and save the money you would've spent on the movie ticket..
I did kinda look funny in the trailer but again at the time I had no idea how bad this would turn out and the worst part about this is they made even more of these godawful parodies and I even made the same mistake again and even saw Meet The Spartans.
If I had a time machine I'd travel back to 2007 and warn my 18 year old self not to see this movie and that it is awful and downright unfunny and that he could spend his $5 elsewhere, maybe on some fast food meal, anything than this godawful film.
Okay, finding two 'good' writers in any of the SCARY MOVIE films need a little miracle to pull off, but why did it have to be Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer?
J&B really have to know that, in making a movie parody, it's not enough to simple get the scenes and re-paste them right here, they have to make them funny.
Unless if you, like me, haven't seen a bad movie for a very long time, and really wanting to hate something real bad.
Epic Movie makes the otherwise dreadful Date Movie look like it has all the wit of a Marx brothers film.
I think it's current standing of 43rd worst thing of all time is actually way to optimistic, as it's not one of, but THE worst supposed comedy I've EVER seen in my life.
I love spoof films like Airplane, Naked Gun, Kentucky Fried Movie and Scary Movie (the first one).But I sincerely do NOT want to meet anyone who even chuckled once at this abomination.
Well I still watched it, I guess I had to see to believe, and while expecting a funny parody of recent films I somehow got an even WORSE film than what I was told it was.Apparently the writers of this "thing" suddenly forgot what was actually funny and inserted a bunch of disgusting, unfunny, painful jokes that just induced vomit to the audience.
Watching it is torture, as simple as that.Probably the worst script ever, and the most stupid and lame acting in years are only some of the millions of flaws that invade Epic Movie and make it easily the worst comedy ever made.
I can't even put it into words...The acting is awful, and in parody movies, they're supposed to make fun of the references, not use the same funny ones and butcher them!
I think my favorite part, and the best parody was the Queen's MySpace, only because I have a strong dislike for that website, and it captured so many pages I've seen far too well...So anyway, it's a large disappointment, as the last Scary Movies/as Date Movie has been; looked funny from the outside, terrible when actually seen.
So - were only 4 months into 2007 and i think Epic Movie is already the worst film of the year.
The plot line was stupid making parodies at box office smashes such as 'Harry Potter' 'Narnia' and 'Willie Wonka and the chocolate factory' and it is not a patch on other parody films like any of the 'scary movies' or 'shaun of the dead.'I walked into the cinema thinking it would be quite a good laugh but 20 minutes in i was ready to walk out - but my 11 year old sister wouldn't let me.
I won't even bother listing all the references and so called "parodies" this movie does, because my fingers would probably start bleeding from too much typing.No joke got a proper laugh out of me and no reference was funny.
The ones they try to make a parody out of are just ruined one way or another, and without a proper storyline with actual effort put into it, that's really all the film is hanging on.The film is terribly unfunny from start to finish and all I could think of while watching it, was: "Make it stop".
In this movie I laughed maybe once and that was it.I think making movies like this is just a waste of money and time.
Epic Movie trades in good plot, character development, proper story telling, and creativity for more and more efforts to try and get a laugh, but it doesn't work.
In the factory Lucy finds a magic wardrobe that leads to an enchanted fantasy land called "Gnarnia" (for legal purposes), and so the "epic" adventure begins.Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are two lazy writers who must have seen many Zucker movies but never bothered to stop and think about what it is that make people like these movies or what actually makes them funny.
Everything has gone downhill since Scary Movie first hit the scene.I can't say too much about this movie without totally giving it away, but the jokes were so laboriously set up that they weren't funny by the time they actually happened.
The few cheap chuckles here and there were definitely not worth the time and money that was wasted.Although I appreciate the effort taken to recreate the parody scenes, I could not help but feel that my taste had been dented after watching this avalanche of stupid.
This movie is insultingly bad and no person who enjoys or understand comedy on any level would ever find enjoyment in the hour and twenty minute waste of time called Epic Movie.
I also absolutely love many of the films that Epic Movie "parodied", so you would think the result would be even more delightful to me.
Overall, I'll sum it up by saying the film makers wasted a year of their life trying to make this junk and every bad word in this word describes how lame this movie is.
Acting.....Damn none of that either!!!Epic movie is a truly awful piece of film.
Its childish immature humour makes the film sound and look like it was written by a 9 year old child.This is the only film i have ever walked out of the cinema while watching and the only comedy I can remember where i failed to laugh at all, not even a slight chuckle.
I mean, Kal Penn (Edward) was about the only funny character in the movie, but if I hadn't seen him before in Harold and Kumar, I guess his jokes would have never made me laugh.
The rest of the actors are all mediocre, even Carmen Electra, who usually makes laugh in movies like Scary Movie (which I'll review some time later).
First off, one should not be surprised that the Wayans brothers produced this egregious embarrassment to modern cinema as they are now infamous with films that try much to hard to be funny, only to fail horribly (Little Man, Date Movie, etc.).
I've just come back from watching Epic Movie at the theatre, and I have to be brutally honest but that has to be one of the worst movies I think I've seen.
I like most comedies and have no problem with tasteless humor, but this movie just wasn't funny.
If you have seen most of the movies that appear parodied there maybe you may smile a couple of times, but if you don't you just sit down and wait for a bunch of bad actors perform a very poor script....awful.Peace..
I just don't understand!Its full of the same stupid send-ups as all the others,blasting through some movies as though there was no-where left to go,then dragging out others for much the same reason.It's just garbage rolled into a movie.Stop paying to see these things (for want of a better word).The police academy movies were bad enough(no idea how they squeezed out ten or so movies)but at least they boast original content,if you've seen any of the movies this so called epic movie has sent up you will be totally disappointed,it lacks humor period.An absolute joke.It should have been called the never ending saga,great for getting in some shut eye though..
There were even a few funny actors in this, IE Fred Willard, even he couldn't save this awful, terrible movie..
My friends and I watch bad movies all the time.
Well I'll say it was more and more cliché, stupid, and annoying the more it went on.The film relies more on parodies than it does a cohesive story or any jokes that are actually supposed to be funny.