Disaster Movie

Plot synopsis:
The movie opens with spoofing "Armageddon" and "10,000 B.C."
In the year 10,001 B.C., a caveman Will (Matt Lanter) runs away from a mammoth before getting in a fight with Wolf (Ike Barinholtz). He then encounters a saber-toothed, gasoline-drinking Amy Winehouse (Nicole Parker), who informs him that the world will end on August 29, 2008 (which was the film's opening day and Michael Jackson's 50th birthday), revealing their fate laying in a crystal skull "Indiana Jones". The film flash-forwards to the present, where Will apparently dreamed all of this. He then finds out that his girlfriend, Amy (Vanessa Minnillo), is having an affair with Flavor Flav (Abe Spigner) and the two break up with Will not admitting his true feelings for her.Later that day, Will has a "Sweet Sixteen" party at his house, despite the fact that he's 25. Among the guests are Juney (Crista Flanagan) spoof of "Juno" and Will's best friend Calvin (Gary "G-Thang" Johnson), who attempts to curve a bullet around the room "Wanted" to stop Seth and McLover "Superbad" (Noah Harpster and Austin Scott) from stealing the alcohol, accidentally killing "Dr. Phil" (John Di Domenico), Anton Chigurh (Barinholtz), and the Beautiful Assassin (Carmen Electra) in the process. By then, Amy arrives with her new boyfriend, an underwear model (Nick Steele), before the "High School Musical" number is performed with cameos by an off-key Jessica Simpson (Parker) and Justin Timberlake (Jonas Neal).However, the party comes to a halt when the lights go out as the room shakes and a bulletin on the radio claims that it is the end of the world. Will, Juney, Calvin and his girlfriend Lisa (Kim Kardashian) go outside during a meteor shower and find that "Hannah Montana" (Flanagan) has been crushed by a meteor and, even when caught between life and death, is still promoting her merchandise until her wig falls off, revealing her as Miley Cyrus before she finally dies. While this occurred, a kid (Ty Wesley) wakes up "Hancock" (Walter Harris) and mouths at him to go save the world, only to be knocked away as Hancock tries to flee the city but hits his head on a streetlight and knocks himself out. Soon after, the city starts to freeze over, and the group retreats to a garage for shelter. They meet the "Sex and the City" girls, who claim to have first grabs and Juney beats a drag queen version of Carrie Bradshaw (Jason Boegh) for the garage "Don't Mess With The Zohan". After discussing global warming, Calvin says that he is cold and suggests they take their clothes off. Only the girls take their clothes off, and the guys stare in awe until Juney's water broke.Later, Will has a dream where he is a "Jumper" and accidentally impales himself on Prince Caspian's (Barinholtz) sword (Caspian identifies him as "the guy who ruined Star Wars"; also a reference to Matt Lanter's voice role as Anakin Skywalker in the 2008 CGI Clone Wars television series). After Will's dream ended and he was chided for not even trying to commit to his relationship, the gang leaves the garage and Will gets a call from Amy, admitting his feelings for her before he decides to get to her as Lisa gets killed by a meteor. While the others comfort a distraught Calvin, the "Enchanted" Princess climbs out of a manhole and gets hit by a taxi, with Calvin catching her as they immediately fall in love with each other. Juney guesses she's a princess thrown out of her kingdom by an evil witch, the Princess explains that she's a "demented homeless chick who lives in the sewers" due to consuming "lots and lots and lots of mind-altering, enchanting drugs!" After getting into a dance off with the Princess's Princely pimp dancing to Sizzle C's 'I Like Them Girls', the heroes flee when a tornado appears with "Iron Man" (Gerrard Fachinni), "Hellboy" (Barinholtz), and the "Incredible Hulk" (Roland Kickinger) attempting to fight the natural disaster and being knocked down by its projectile cows. When they find shelter, Calvin gets a call on his shoe phone from Lisa's mother, who is informed about Lisa's death and how Calvin has found someone hotter than Lisa. Afterward, they encounter a group of cute singing chipmunks "Alvin and the Chipmunks" who suddenly turn rabid, attacking the gang and eating Juney's flesh until she presumably dies. The chipmunks go after the others until Calvin and Will trap them in a trash can, suffocating them as they attempt to break free.On their way to the museum to save Amy, who called to tell Will she's trapped under a statue, they run into "The Dark Night" (Barinholtz), who informs them that they must go to the evacuation buses by 9 p.m., and also mentions that there will be no chance of survival if they go to save Amy. Learning that it's closer to nine than he thought, Batman throws a rope, which accidentally lands on a car that drags him away. With time against them, the Princess kills "Speed Racer" (Jared Eddo) so they can hijack his car with Michael Jackson (Christopher Johnson) in the trunk along with Chim-Chim and Spritle, and drive to the museum. When they get there, they save Amy who reveals the Crystal Skull from Will's dream to be the only thing that can stop the end of the world. As Will and Amy make their way to the altar, Calvin and the Princess find that the museum doors are closed and all the artifacts have come alive "Night at the Museum", including "Kung Fu Panda" (Yoshio Iizuka), who fights Calvin. When Calvin makes out with the Princess after beating him, he sees that she is actually a transvestite by removing "his" wig while the Panda takes out a katana and kills them.Meanwhile, Will and Amy run into "Beowulf" (Barinholtz), who fights Will in the nude. After Beowulf is defeated, Will and Amy meet Will's father (Tony Cox) and Will returns the Crystal Skull to its altar, averting further destruction. The film ends with a wedding ceremony for Will and Amy being performed by "The Love Guru" Shitka (John Di Domenico). Then all the characters come sing a song about dating each other which sets of a chain "Disaster Movie F**k Song" ending with the chipmunks being crushed by yet another cow.

Tags: bleak, humor

Review:
But since my hatred for this movie, and the others like it, extends far beyond one viewing, I think I'll go on for a bit.I don't know any of the people in the movie besides Carmen Electra, Vanessa Minnillo, and Kim Kardashian, but it doesn't matter.
AND, if someone gets cut by a sword, there should be blood and at least a cut (though since the Narnia films "get away with it", I'll give Disaster Movie a pass here).The 'jokes' are thoughtless and mindless physical gags that obviously take after some of the most popular movies of the last year (there's some from late 2007 as well, including 2 of our 5 Best Picture nominees).You know what the saddest thing about these stupid movies are?
Having unfortunately been tortured with Date Movie and Epic Movie I know exactly what to expect from these two...no plot, no jokes just bad references and cheaply remade scenes from other films.
This deserves to be in the top 5 worst films of all time, right there with Date Movie, Epic Faliure...I mean movie, and Meet the Spartans.
"Date Movie" was okay, The Scary movies at least had decent plots, but this, this makes "spoofs" (if I can be so nice to call it that) for this year 0 for 3, with "Meet the Spartans" and "Superhero Movie" all falling flat.Well I've wasted even more of my life typing about this sack of cow dung.
Never in my LIFE have I ever been so ticked off by you (Hollywood).I mean, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, you don't even care for the money, you just want to prove you can be a film-maker too, but that's not the point!
Once again Friedberg and Seltzer have teamed up to drive countless moviegoers to suicide with a new cinematic monstrosity the likes of which haven't been seen since The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.The acting is terrible.
It's just a group of stupid kids going around ripping off every single movie made in recent years (at the time of its release) while tornadoes and other disasters strike the area.I wish a tornado had struck this movie during production...And remember how previous Seltzer and Friedberg movies had "parodied" genre films (if you're using the definition of someone who doesn't know what parody is)that they were named after?
The title itself is a complete lie, holding no ties to the genre from which it takes its name other than being a complete disaster in and of itself.Consider this my review for ALL Seltzer and Friedberg movies: they're all a huge pile of cinematic fodder that should be cremated, buried and forgotten and their creators kicked out of Planet Earth..
I mean, give someone a bunch of 35mm film stock, a Panavision camera and 25 million bucks, some hot chicks and dorky guys and they think that they can make a movie.Movies like this are good though!Because they can't get any worse!
And set the Jerry Springer crap bar even lower.The plot is as thin as Kate Moss and the brain dead humor is lifeless even with real people saying the lines.Just think, 25 million dollars could have: saved some turtles, fed some people, provided shelter for others, helped Red Cross, built houses in New Orleans, kept in the bank to load out to people needing money, provided 25 good filmmakers with a million bucks each, kept Leslie Nelson alive for a few more years, and could provide a dollar each for some 25 million people..
This movie was on TV once so I decided to watch it since I wouldn't have to pay any money for it.The main character Will (played by Matt Lanter) has a dream where he meets a stone age Amy Winehouse (I think it's supposed to be a joke) who tells him that the world is going to end the day this movie premiered in the cinema (Coincidence?) and to stop it they must find a crystal skull.
Will, followed by his friends: Juney (Crista Flanagan), Calvin (Gary "G Thang" Johnson), and Lisa (Kim Kardashian) go out into the city and tries to find his girlfriend and a safe place and later realizes that he has to find the crystal skull to set things right.The problem with this movie is, just like other movies by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, that it doesn't stay on the theme but goes all over the place and try to spoof almost every popular movie that was made that year.
If I may paraphrase a line from "Billy Madison" I'd like to say: I award you only one star, and may God have mercy on your souls.Once again, if you want to see a GOOD movie made in the style that this train wreck was trying (and failing) to emulate, watch "Hotshots" "Airplane!", "The naked gun" movies, "Top Secret" instead..
Never ask that when it comes to these two men.Remember the good old Hollywood days whenever making a movie was about showing people a type of art, and also a story that kept you on the edge of your seat?
I mean nothing was funny in the trailer, and people usually put the best stuff in them (like idiots sometimes).I knew it was going to be bad, but I made a bet with my "friends" and that wasn't a good idea at all.
Cut out the off-topic scenes from 'Disaster Movie' for example, and you'll only be left with 3, maybe 5 at the most, minutes of film, mostly credits.
And don't call me a snob, because I'm a guy who loves stupid comedy, 'Jingle all the Way' and 'The Stupids' are some of my favorite guilty pleasures, hell, I started a thread about my favorite bad films a few months ago before some troll derailed it because I dared question the audacity of 'Mystery Science Theatre 3000' and was recently involved in a flame war with some loser who thinks 'South Park' is a sign of the coming Apocalypse.So don't blame other people's films, these are crap all on their own.And if they intend their films to be that way, that just makes it even worse, so they intend to make off-topic, unfunny, parody-devoid, boring, unpleasant films?
Juno, 10,000 B.C., Don't Mess With the Zohan, Indiana Jones, these are completely irrelevant, as are the hundreds of unfunny jokes ripped off the comedies they spoof (which is stupid as it is to spoof a comedy) and made them even less funny.Because of this movie, I will probably never watch MadTV again because it ruined my opinion of many of them.
Some less than others, but SM3 and SHM are far better than 10 Disaster Movies.So anyone who says that dumb adolescent teens fuel this garbage, think again because this stuff is garbage and I don't watch garbage.
(this was an exception because people like my friend fuel this garbage :P.) This films will give you AIDS, makes you lose your hair, make you go blind, become flacid, makes you get a purple sock, this movie will destroy you and your sense of humor.
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the way everyone talks about these guys are as if they are on America's Most Wanted List, boy there is a lot of hate before the release date of Disaster Movie.
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are like the kids in high school who just cruised by, just failing every class possible, being happy with the C's and D's, then they somehow get into Princeton because their parents had money or something, it's the exact same thing with movies.
Will and his friends realize that they have to save the world on their own and fight evil chipmunks, aliens, and flying cows.Disaster Movie, actually does have a couple laughs, I will admit that, I nearly died laughing during the Alvin and the Chipmunks parody, it was so badly funny, I just couldn't help but laugh.
Try to imagine an episode of Family Guy with no plot, just one incomprehensible comedy clip after the other--that is Disaster Movie in a nutshell.The only question is "Do you want the aspirin before or after you see this?" Please take my advice and don't keep watching hoping it will get better -- it won't!
Even their last all time low Meet the Spartans was topped in terms of horrible writing and direction, and the current rating of a 1.3 shows that Mr. Friedberg, Mr. Seltzer and their other writing partner Satan can't get much worse.Disaster Movie...what a title for this, considering not one Disaster Movie is spoofed.
This was the most awful putrid flick to ever appear on the big screen, and as long as it makes money, each year we will be treated to even worse movies from these swell writers and directors.Overall, this was not the best movie around, in fact, it was the worst.
And the other jokes used have been used already in their other movies, used already in other spoof movies, and are too old to even try and would have been used at the appropriate time.This movie doesn't even spoof disaster films in general, unless if you can find any real "Cloverfield" spoofs.
In reality, they destroy the "parody film" genre again and with more damage that a lot of people would rather stop making fun of them in movies like this.
Normally, you can actually expect a film parody to be declared the worst movie ever by many people.
This film doesn't do that, the characters merely show up without making any sort of comment on the original works, and are too unfunny to mock them, hence, this fails at becoming parody, hence, it isn't parody, and Seltzer/Friedberg failed at making what they set out to.The production is among the worst I've seen.
Undoubtedly the worst movie I have ever had the misfortune of watching in my life!This film, and I use the term loosely, was so awful that it is one of only a handful I have ever switched off in order to be bored instead- as being bored is preferable to having your eyes gouged out by this dreadful piece of garbage.
Though, "Disater Movie" was able to be placed among the worst of them as it mixes films which have no relation to each other (10,000 BC, Juno, No Country for Old Men, Wanted, High School Musical, Sex and the City, Indiana Jones, The Chronicles of Narnia, Jumper, Enchanted, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Speed Racer, Night at the Museum, Beowulf, Kung Fu Panda...), and there is no clever idea to make it works as something reasonable that makes sense.
Wow...well i saw this movie not too long ago and its hard to imagine someone actually finding the strength to hold in all they're anger after spending even a penny on this piece of royal crap,I at first had no idea what to expect from this i thought it was going to be another parody film but this time about i guess disaster movies like maybe twister,volcano, or maybe 'the day after tomorrow' or something but instead all we saw where a bunch of seriously disastrous attempts to make humour out of some of 2008's best movie events like dark knight and Indiana Jones,and randomly Alvin and the chimp mucks..okkk,the entire movie was pointless and the protagonists where boring as hell,and at some times looked as though they knew they were committing a crime for being soo bad but tried anyways to make the audience laugh but then fail again and make me twice as angry.I don't personally know anyone else who saw this movie except the people i was with when i saw it,but i never actually talked face to face with anyone else about it and i have no questions as to why,this movie should never have been in theatres or even directed at-all,other then maybe in someones basement on a cheap webcam by a guy who had nothing else to do and was probably high!...then erased.
I don't usually review anything, but this film is so bad that i felt i had to tell everyone i could and this seemed the best way to do it.I have never been a fan of the "Movie" films that have been coming out non-stop for the last 9 years, as i don't think any of them are even remotely funny, the films have no story, make no sense and the gags are almost all the same.This reaches a new level mediocrity however.
huh, maybe it's the right time to stop-the success of the Scary Movie franchise was big, but here I can't see the fun anymore-I watched it, despite the fact I didn't want to, and I felt sorry.I felt sorry for me, for the cast and crew and even for the director, who's winning, I don't know, maybe 3 or 4 times in a row the worst director of the year award.The movie isn't capable of delivering the laughs, and this means all is lost, because those movies were all about them-the plot is...well there isn't one, because they're parodies and there's nothing left...The last 10-15 minutes weren't that bad, but that's all(by not that bad I mean 4-5/10 not more), everything else was crappy and garbage.2/10 for those few minutes and for a couple of decent laughs..
Will (Lanter) has always struggled with relationships and wants to prove to Amy that he has it in him to make it, only the world is coming to an end on the same day.Any review, any trailer or anything relative can't show how bad Disaster Movie is unless you actually go to the cinema to watch it.The plot is conventional and boring, the spoofs of current cinema releases are inaccurate and too crude and every other joke drags and drags until you can't look at the screen any more.The naked gun trilogy provided plenty of giggles but these modern day spoofs including Date movie and Epic movie just basically ruin the originals, with exceptionally poor jokes and stunts, and this film is just pathetic in every sense.
We pay honest money to go out and have a good time, and even if a film is not to our taste, then there will be some consolation to our night, but Disaster Movie made me want to stop watching films all together.This niche will continue to grow which is very sad in the industry.
Parodies can be funny, but not if they are crude, predictable and down right shocking.Disaster Movie is an awful thing, and not worth the time or energy..
Spearheaded with tired, overdone writing; predictably crass, shallow characters; a meaningless, lobotomised plot; mundane dialogue; dull, lazy, downright childish humour; lacklustre performances and the production value of a shoestring, Disaster Movie did eventually manage to provoke one moment of joy; when it was all over and I realised I could go home, far far away from the evil torture that had just unfolded in front of me.Like it's inept predecessors, this latest offering from dud-duo Friedberg and Seltzer has the writers rummaging through all of this year's biggest movies in search of something, no, anything to poke fun at in a demeaning manner as if these two actually know what they're talking about.
The writers try to create laugh out loud parody, and they seem to think they're pretty good at it too, but, much like a bloated star, Disaster Movie ends up collapsing into itself under its own gravitational pull of overindulgent, sophomoronic, throwaway crap, resulting in a black hole void of any light, or signs of life.Of all the forms of comedy, the spoof is probably the easiest way in which to deliver a joke; its stand-up comedy on the big screen, joke after joke with little reliance on substantial narrative.
There's nothing funny or memorable about this film, it's just a cruel joke that shouldn't have been made or even thought about in the first place.They probably named this film "Disaster Movie" because they knew it was bad but needed millions of cash extremely fast.Stay away from this truly awful movie at all costs!.
So, go and watch other movies guys, if you want parodies or a fun comedy i recommend the old ones, even though some of them has bad CGI (amazing for their time though) but you can laugh at that too..
This is not a film,this is pure s**t and that too the worst s**t possible.This movie makes me cry as I have never ever seen a worse made film than this.This film is not funny like the scary movie series or the epic movie but just has a ridiculous plot and awful acting.
But someone who's dressed like Amy Winehouse standing there farting for well over a minute isn't funny, it's boring and a really poor attempt at humor.Just remember, if you take the time, or god forbid spend money to see this movie, I warned you..
I am going to put as little effort into writing a review for Disaster Movie as Friedberg and Seltzer put into making it.Kim Kardashian.
Believe it or not I actually used to like this movie (no pun intended) I even shown it in the cinema with my dad and owned it on DVD but after re watching it I realise how stupid it is, I was 10 at the time so beat me up to hard.Bottom line disaster movie is the worst comedy ever made and should be a lost film..
Instead of making fun and at the same time honoring the thing being parodied Disaster Movie does neither of those two things.
This review is from: Disaster Movie (Unrated Widescreen) (DVD) I like most movies I watch, and try to find a good side of them all.