The Pink Chiquitas
Tags: flashback

Plot synopsis:
Tony Mareda, Jr., a former Olympic athlete and world-renowned private detective, is driving across the country when he is attacked by mobsters. Chased to the sleepy backwater town of Beamsville, Tony ducks into the local drive-in theater, where he is followed by his pursuers. As Tony takes out the hit men amidst the parked cars, a pink meteor roars overhead and crashes in the nearby woods.
The meteor's spectacular landing leads the townspeople at the drive-in to rush out in search of it. As the young couples search the woods, however, the women begin to hear a ringing sound coming from the glowing pink rock that turns them into lusty nymphomaniacs. Now under the thrall of the meteor, they protecting it by seducing the men. One of the few who avoids the effect is the local TV weatherman, Clip Bacardi, who, having discovered a small fragment of the meteor, it too engrossed by it to notice the attempts by his temporarily aroused girlfriend, librarian Mary Ann Kowalski, to come on to him.
The next morning, the local authorities discover an empty crater where the meteor landed, with the men who went looking for it in catatonic states scattered throughout the woods. Facing a challenge from Mary Ann in the upcoming election, Beamsville's mayor orders the town deputy to enlist Tony Mareda's help in finding out what happened to the men. When Clip goes on the air that evening with his fragment, however, the sound it emits transforms all of the women watching the broadcast into the meteor's servants. Learning of Tony's investigation, the women seduce a key witness and, under Mary Ann's direction, begin to take control of the town.
Having stumbled into the women's plot, Clip narrowly escapes their takeover of the television station. When he informs the mayor, the men form a posse to hunt for the meteor. As they search the woods, Clip encounters a scantily-clad Mary Ann, who nearly incapacitates him before Tony is able to render her unconscious using chloroform. After placing her in the town jail, Tony and Clip go back into the woods and track the meteor to a cave, where they narrowly escape a group of women who arrive to worship it. When their effort to drive to the next town for help is frustrated by a roadblock, they return to Beamsville to find that the women's takeover of the town is complete, with the remaining men wandering the streets in dazed stupors. Clip attempts to discover how to defeat the meteor by experimenting on the fragment he possesses, but is overcome by the fumes produced after accidentally setting it on fire. Tony is also subdued by a group of women in a pink Sherman tank, who knock him unconscious when they blast apart the town jail where he takes refuge.
Tony is awakened back in the cave by Mary Ann, who announces that the meteor, which she refers to as "Betty," has chosen him to be the father of its offspring. As the meteor draws Tony to it, however, the cave wall to which he is chained collapses and the chamber is flooded with water — the meteor's weakness. After it is washed out of the cave, Tony and Mary Ann (who resists the meteor's influence after seeing Clip being attacked by it) work together to push the pulsating rock into the town lake, destroying it and returning the controlled women to normal.

Review: Perfect example of a B-Movie.
Enjoy it as it's meant..
I saw this movie years ago in a group tradition of Fast Forward Film Festivals, where we would set out to rent a bunch of B-movies and vote for who picked the worst.The night we watched this, it was voted the best, due to semblance of plot and fun costuming.This is certainly a silly, kitschy, movie, to be watched under the full understanding that you are watching low-budget fluff.
Personally, however, I wouldn't recommend additional substances ...
this movie will leave it's own mark on you.It made enough of an impression on me that I've actually been trying to get my hands on a copy for a few years.A good choice if you are setting out to watch bad movies.
This one is fun, and I remember bouncy music ....
Heed this warning!!!.
BAD!VERY BAD!!VERY, VERY BAD!!!VERY, VERY, VERY BAD!!!!If you MUST watch this, load up on alcohol / cannabis / pharmaceuticals (your choice) to the point where operating the remote control to turn it off is harder than continuing to watch it.
Be warned - it'll suck you into continuing to watch just to see how much worse it can get; it does get worse - much, much, worse.Production values are non-existent; one character's toupee strongly resembles a road-killed wolverine scraped from a nearby Interstate highway.Costuming came from half-price day at a thrift store, with the exception of those which contributed to a world-wide shortage of pink Spandex that year.As to the script - the less said, the better (the writers should have kept that in mind)!The only conceivable reason to even put this movie into a VCR is to clear out those hangers-on who don't recognize that the party ended an hour ago - within 15 minutes, they'll remember that they have to be elsewhere, and are late getting there!.
Campy Crap.
This film is horribly acted, written, directed and produced.
But it's so campy it's actually semi-watchable.
That's SEMI watchable.The storyline (what little there is) makes virtually no sense whatsoever.
The Barney Drum character is the only real comic relief in the movie and that gets tired after about 30 seconds.
Many of the Canadian supporting cast can be found in TV commercials..
None of them went on to anything else that I'm aware of.
And of course Sly Stallone's even less talented brother well.....
=\Trivia: It was filmed almost entirely in and around the little village of Claremont, Ont.
(about 20 miles N.east of Toronto) I recognized many local landmarks/intersections/buildings.
I think the Drive-in scene was filmed at the now demolished "Oshawa Drive-in" just before it was torn down..
To say this film stinks would be insulting to skunks.
To say this film stinks would be insulting to skunks.
As the other commenter says, this movie is insulting to anyone over the mental age of 7 (it is especially, incredibly insulting to gays).
It is awful - and not in a "so bad it's funny" sort of way either - it's just plain awful.
No, I have to say it: IT STINKS!
(sorry skunks).From the opening credits to the end titles there is hardly more than 10 seconds of this movie worth opening your eyes for.
The "plot" is incoherent, the characterization non-existent, the acting is of the over the top mugging "look at me I'm being funny!" school and so it goes on.
The set pieces are clumsily set up (if at all) and are badly executed, it's just awful on every front - apart from the music maybe, I don't remember thinking the music stinks (apart from the songs).To be fair to the makers, they lay their cards on the table pretty quickly: the opening credits include the title "Also starring Ertha Kitt as the voice of Betty the meteor" (since as the meteor in question turns out never never say anything but make an occasional purring noise they may well have lifted Ms. Kitt's contribution from one of her records) and the second line of the movie runs something like: "...and scientists have discovered new facts about the rings around Uranus." Uranus - "Your Anus" geddit?
geddit?
huh??
huh??
Your Anus?
The humour really is that cheap.It says strange things about the "comedies" of that period in that it was perfectly permissable for the hero to deliberately shoot people dead in the street but not say "sh*t" out loud.I paid fifty pence (about $1.00) for this movie in a sale.
I feel ripped off..
Good Idea, Wrong Script.
I'm a big fan of the Allison Hayes classic "Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman" so I know just how good a movie can be that bashes men, but this movie is actually insulting to the men that watch it as well as the women who starred in it.
There is only one funny scene as Frank Stallone wrestles with an uncatchable fish, and there's an inside "Andy Griffith" joke as Barney Fife becomes Barney Drumm, but there is very little redeeming matter in this movie.
What could have been a fairly thrilling movie about women becoming superior to men is actually a wimpy disappointment as the women become unrealisticly sex crazed.
The majority of the characters are cartoonish except for Frank Stallone as this movie seemed centered on his attempt to make himself bigger than his brother.
It all turns into one big mess with little or no reason and a script seemingly written by high school kids.
One out of ten stars..
Stinky Pink Shiguitas.
Sly Stallone is hardly the finest actor in the world but compared to his brother, Frank...well, roll out those awards now!
Mullet haired, muppet Frank seems to think that every part he plays, calls for him doing the role as an American/Italian Wise-guy refugee from the 'Godfather.' Please, somebody make him an acting offer 'he can refuse!' This film just stinks the place out, even by the terrible overacting in this, Frank still steals the acting dishonours.
All the people compensate for their lack of talent by shouting their lines and throwing their arms about, gesticulating wildly in a style that went out of fashion back with silent films.The plot, what there, is, makes no sense as a meteor lands and turns all the women into sex-crazed nymphets but as this is 15 certificate film, that just means they strip to their underwear and make moaning sounds like dogs on heat.
What happens in the end, I'm not quite sure as I was losing the will to live long before the film finished.Avoid this like the plague and watch 'Deep Impact' for a reasonable film about a meteor about to hit the earth.N.B. Point of order: when one of the female leads strips down to her underwear, she has her knickers/panties under her suspenders/garter belt, it's knickers over the suspenders to allow women to go to the toilet with less fuss.
A trivial point, perhaps, but shows how dumb this film is when they can't even get this right!.
Camp '80s crap..
This camp Canadian homage to '50s sci-fi B-movies stars Frank Stallone (Sly's younger brother) as private eye Tony Mareda Jr., who finds himself pursued by South American gangsters and doing battle with an army of women who have been exposed to a pink meteorite that turns them into Amazonian warriors.Deliberately trashy in a bid for cult status, this film falls flat on its face thanks to a dreadful script that aims for laughs but misses by a mile, and terrible performances.
Frank Stallone, sporting a horrible mullet, ably shows why he never achieved the level of fame enjoyed by his big brother, but he is not alone in his ineptitude: there's not one decent performance amongst the whole cast.
About the only thing going for this mess are the attractive women who parade around in varying states of undress (but never naked: this is strictly PG nonsense).With so many terrible scenes to choose from it is hard to say what the absolute low point is, but definite contenders include the pointless musical number, flaming homosexual Dwight Wright (Gerald Isaac) in drag, Tony water-skiing behind a giant fish, and any moment featuring Don Lake as bumbling Deputy Barney Drum.2/10..
not so pretty in pink...it's the PINK chiquitas.
Well, wow, have we really went 30 years since The Pink Chiquitas hit the map of Beamsville?
Where did the time go?
Yeah, I remember this one, it wasn't exactly a smash, but it was 100 % meaningless, mindless entertainment if you know what I mean.
A meteor has hit the town of Beamsville, and it's creating quite an aftershock.
This is no ordinary meteor.
It's a pink chiquita meteor, and it's turning all the local females into ( ahem!) sexually charged women.
It's a cheese fest, no doubt, but if you don't mind the digging into the 80's trash bin, you'll discover this more of a treasure then junk, I did.
I liked the way everything was handled.
Nothing is taken too far ( hell, look, they kept their PG13 rating, didn't they?), and it doesn't take anything too seriously.
I am actually quite tricky when it comes to films that I feel violate women, this is why I easily discard titles such as The Stepford Wives.
In fact, if I remember, these girls actually have a great defense against the "pink" terror this meteor is causing.
Remember those Walkmans?
Play it!
No, put the earbuds in ...there ya go!
See, there's an irritating noise being transmitted through the air waves, and when the girls hear it, it drives them crazy.
When you can't hear it, it won't affect those women ( which the count of how many don't get affected by the noise transmission is very low.
So low, I won't say how many.) I don't have too many complaints with the movie, I watched it in 1990, it was cheesy then, so I know it's even cheesier now.
However, I can't deny it was a lot of fun to watch.
It's running time won't over stay its welcome.
My only complaints were (1) too much time with the whole woods scenery, and (2) maybe the law enforcement could have acted a little less dumb.
In a nutshell, I give this trifle of a flick 5 out of 10, if you're looking for a good dumb 80's flick, hell, you're looking at it!.
A cute piece of blithely campy sci-i comedy fluff.
A pink meteorite (voiced with growly aplomb by Eartha Kitt) lands in the middle of the woods in a sleepy small town.
It transforms a bunch of local women into raging nymphomaniacs.
Can hunky private detective Tony Mareda Jr.
(an amiable portrayal by Frank Stallone) save the day before it's too late?
Writer/director Anthony Currie milks the cheerfully dopey premise for maximum infectiously campy goofiness with the zippy pace, zany tone, and broadly drawn characters never letting up for a minute.
Moreover, it's acted with considerable zest by an enthusiastic cast, with especially spirited work by Bruce Pirrie as bumbling meteorologist Clip Bacardi, Don Lake as the hopelessly clumsy Deputy Barney Drum, John Hemphill as the smarmy mayor Ernie Bodine, and Gerald Isaac as flamboyant homosexual Dwight Wright.
The smoldering presence of various hot and sexy gals certainly doesn't hurt matters in the least: Elizabeth Edwards as delicious leader May Ann Kowalski, gorgeous blonde knockout Claudia Udy as sweet nurse Helen Walkman (Claudia is quite the yummy eyeful clad solely in white skivvies!), Laura Robinson as enticing TV news anchorwoman Trudy Jones, and Cindy Valentine as sultry singer Stella Dumbrowski, plus both Sheryl Lee and Lolita Davidovich pop up as pink chiquitas in their pre-fame salad days.
A running gag about a team of inept Italian mobsters trying to kill Tony provides some of the biggest laughs.
The bright cinematography by Nicolas Stiliadis gives this picture a cool glittery sheen.
Paul Zaza's lively score hits the stirring spot.
Sure, it's an incredibly silly serving of pure piffle, but this good-natured and inoffensive romp is just way too dumb and inane to hate..
great movie.
I don't think many people understand this movie.
It was really quite a beautiful film about women mostly, well acted, and quite well scripted.
Maybe you have to be an anthropologist to appreciate it.
Before the last ice age and well into present times we were matriarchal and very sexual.
The meteor only made our human nature more open.
The meteor didn't die.
After mating with a human male its babies can be seen bubbling up on the lake.
Nobody here seems to understand what a pink Chiquita is.
It's the title of the film people.
It's what our species needs to continue surviving.
There are some esoteric references in the film I don't understand.
Clip appears in a very Beatles like uniform reminiscent of Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band on an amusement park merrigo round.
I think the teen boys who initially found the meteor died.
The only other death in the movie is the homosexual cross dresser.
I bought this film because it was about what women were really like at one time, and I loved how normal life in the small town of Beamsville now was actually like.
Loved Mary Ann. A librarian no less, married to a meteorolgist?.
Spoiler Alert: Everybody Stays Dressed.
I caught this years and years ago on the USA Network, at something like 3 a.m. At the time I was young and impressionable, and I thought I was watching something very dirty indeed.
There wasn't much to see, but I was convinced I was watching an edited-for-TV version of a soft-core masterpiece.
Did I mention I was young?Years later I saw the thing on DVD (WHY is this on DVD?), and figured, what the hell.
to call this thing PG-rated is being generous.
There had been ZERO editing for that basic cable airing.
No one get naked, and there wasn't even any swearing that I could recall.
Even the underwear is pretty chaste.The acting is terrible, the writing is embarrassing, the lighting/costumes/makeup are beyond amateurish, and the "music" (written by Frank Stallone himself!) is instantly forgettable.
So if your plot is a pink meteorite that falls to earth and turns the local women into Amazonian nymphomaniacs...
wouldn't the only possible saving grace be having naked women in your movie?
(or, for the two women in the audience, at least one attractive male?)There is NO skin, no jokes, no movie...
The only reason this exists is so you can see the title on the IMDb and say to someone, "Did you know Sylvester Stallone had a brother?
Who was in a movie?"