This cycle then goes on and on without either person ever noticing his or her role in the problem. Sides get drawn and issues become something to fight over rather than something to resolve. Walls of protection get fortified and distance grows. The experience of love quickly fades away. We hurt each other over and over, feeling fully justified for everything we do.
Serious damage is done, and none of it is necessary.
If you want to heal your relationship and be free of the suffering, you need to end this cycle of conflict. You need to interact with the other person in a way that works. Two people are required to create and maintain a cycle of conflict. Only one is needed to end it. When you put the focus on you and your actions, you can put water on the fire instead of more fuel.