My guess is that when Rogaine failed, they blamed the FDA for not supporting research into alternative treatments for baldness. Under the new Republic, I am certain that they plan to make finding a cure for male pattern baldness a top priority, and, without those onerous testing guidelines to deal with, treatments will make it to market so much faster that surely they'll be able to find something to take some of the shine off their domes. I've heard these same calls to secede before. Of course, they were coming from a friend of mine who was three sheets to the wind at the time, and we gave them the credence that such drunken ravings are due. And now look.
Truth is so much stranger than fiction.