More often than not, the abuser was the victim of childhood abuse, emotional neglect, parental illness, addiction, difficult life circumstance, or just poor genes. This individual never learned that it is OK to mess up and own up to it. For whatever reason, this individual never learned that others are imperfect too . Angry people have learned to take things personally and to feel blamed. Nevertheless, nothing, nothing, nothing excuses an adult's selfish, disrespectful or abusive behavior toward another human being.
Treatment is difficult and the prognosis tends to be poor for very angry people.
Anything beyond simple anger management skills is reserved for the highly motivated, i.e., usually those facing the loss of their partner, those who can't stand their life, etc. The abusive individual's problem is rooted in self-absorption. The ability to consider the other person's point of view is obliterated by the absorption with perceived attack, self-defense, etc. Acceptance implies empathy and forgiveness of self and other. The need to retaliate or be right is reduced.