Unfortunately, our culture doesn't do enough to alert older people to this. When all of a sudden somebody who has not been messy his whole life can't seem to clean up after himself, that is a hallmark of depression in older people. You need to create an ultimatum that makes him understand your relationship will suffer unless he can work within the structure you have in place and not get in your way. Beyond that, you need what all married couples need. Insist on special time together that is focused on just the two of you.
Women tend to feel disconnected when there is no focus on the relationship.
You need to rekindle. Have dates, even if it's just dining out regularly. Just because you're retired doesn't mean your romantic needs somehow vanish. Your relationship still has the same needs. And just because you're home together most of the time doesn't mean you're having quality intimate time together.