The power of words is amazing. Your choice of what words or phrases to use when expressing a thought to your spouse, your ex, or your children can make a world of difference in how the receiver emotionally and intellectually processes your communication. We relax around them. We don't think before we speak. Both of these communication techniques hurt the recipient and damage a relationship.
Some people respond by building a wall between themselves and the speaker.
Others respond in kind, throwing back their own verbal barbs and spears. I can still hear the sad voice of a woman whose husband insisted upon calling her a profane name when he was angry with her. I love you and respect you too much to ever do that. It hurts me when you call me those names. Please, don't do it anymore.