A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there is no use in two people remembering the same thing. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. I should have pissed on him. You're back at work on Monday. Look how well it's built.