So are seen two reasons for the tremendous popularity of the amusement parks. All in one package, for one price, instant gratification is there, every day, year-round. All need and desire escape from mundane lives. The amusement parks provide this escape. The opening paragraph has no introduction, merely the thesis divided into two sentences, and the conclusion is a gratuitous restatement of the opening.
Transitional phrases are either non-existent or uninspired.
Details are vivid, occasionally novel, and the point of view and tone are generally consistent, the latter being lightly ironic. Grammatically the essay is altogether sound. A tiny nudge could swing the balance either way. We face two problems here. When raters find an essay that is completely off the topic, they must fail the essay.