Like many who are caught in the web of their own delusions, their denial, he chose to use language that lessened the impact of his decision making in the relationship he created with Monica. In the absence of frank ownership of his behavior, Bill may well have lamed whatever hope there might have been for healing his marriage. By honestly owning the dishonesty of the extramarital affair, he might have had the opportunity to grow in wisdom. The fact that he had the relationship proves nothing more than the obvious fact that human life has very much to do with failure. Given the opportunity to do something right, we will very often screw it up.
Sex is too mysterious, archetypal, protean, dark, instinctual to be done right.
But this article is not about mores or values. It is about the understanding of the extramarital affair as a phenomenon of human growth and development that is always morally wrong, but nevertheless crucial in the becoming of many individuals. I believe that those who scoff at the president, or who scorn or condemn him, have yet to encounter their own dark selves and come to love what lies within. As a psychotherapist, I often see couples who are in the shockwave after the bomb blast of the discovery or revelation of an affair. Two of the most formidable emotions in human life, shame and betrayal, roam the landscape like prehistoric monsters.