The first passage, above, does nothing more. There is no excitement, worry, fear, wonder. It is dead, dull prose. Surely you want to do better than that. The second is merely elaboration on the first, using fancy language in an attempt to disguise flaccid thought.
Some writers think that elaborate language lifts ordinary vision into literature.
The writer is not imagining the actual night, but simply dressing up a clich . And clich s never propel any narrative anywhere. They just take up space. Say your protagonist is loading a nine-pound cannon with grapeshot on a frigate. You have to see through his eyes, feel what he would feel, know what he would know.