There is limited research on protective devices that women can control. The only one available is the vaginal condom which has been approved in the U.S. Adequate research on its effectiveness is still lacking. There needs to be more research on protective methods that women can control. Gels containing microbicidal drugs, such as PMPA and 3TC are currently under study. Only you can decide what risks you're willing to take.
Sensuality is as important as sexuality.
Safer sex practices can be a wonderful way of being together, opening up lines of communication and new forms of intimacy. You're the only one who can protect yourself. You can say no. You can negotiate. You can use spermicides containing nonoxynol-9, and insist that your partner use a condom.