Their own growth and development having been thwarted earlier in life, addicted lovers attach themselves to their lover's identity. Often, this dependency results in their drawing unearned pride from their lover's accomplishments. Sometimes it leads to their demanding, for themselves, undeserved recognition for their lover's achievements. Fearful of change, addictive lovers will stifle development of their own self, finding the ultimate security in believing they can become indistinguishable from their mate. Sometimes the fear of change is so great all individual development of abilities, interests, and desires is suppressed.
Stagnation is a common characteristic of addictive love relationships.
The desperate need for security leads to emotional scheming. Addictive lovers are inclined to think that doing things for their mate will secure their love. The resulting opportunities for disappointment and resentment are sufficient to make such scheming futile. But addictive lovers are obsessed with impossible needs and unrealistic expectations. Love demands honesty and self-integrity.