A lot of times a couple comes to therapy when they are at the final stages of a decision about their marriage. In light of the burgeoning research that shows children are affected by divorce for years afterward, some therapists are urging counselors to try to keep most families intact. But others have great qualms about the calls for some kind of moral renaissance among therapists. In The Essential Guide to Mental Health , psychiatrist Jack Gorman says the therapist should not be making some kind of moral call, but rather an honest appraisal of whether the union is worth saving. Many come to marital therapists hoping for repair.
Years encrusted with bitterness make change inordinately tough.
One partner already is determined to divorce. He or she agrees to go, knowing a split will come anyway. Not all therapists are skilled in marriage therapy. Men perceive therapy as focused on feelings, as a woman's thing. Marital therapist Weiner-Davis says her husband would never agree to therapy if their marriage were endangered.