Alcohol always comes first, even when it is at the spouse's expense. But even after sobriety is achieved, it's an uphill battle for the couple. The spouses of alcoholics are usually so relieved when treatment is successful that they often think their marital troubles are over. It's true, addiction makes it impossible to resolve marital conflicts. Once addiction is overcome, a couple is faced with the legions of other Love Busters that were ignored in the shadow of addiction or were created by addiction.
Some people wonder if they are really alcoholics.
They may not go to bars, and they may not even get drunk very often. My definition of an alcoholic is someone who cannot follow the Policy of Joint Agreement because of their craving for alcohol. If your drinking in any form bothers your spouse, and you cannot or will not give it up for his or her sake, I consider you an alcoholic because alcohol is more important to you than the feelings of your spouse. This week, I am posting three letters from victims of addiction. Each one provides a different perspective on this marital problem that is very difficult to solve.