For some the shame is crushing. To heal in private, behind dark glasses, behind closed blinds is far better than to be seen by others. Physical pain is more bearable than shame. The shame is deeper than embarrassment. It is mortification, humiliation, dehumanization.
Shame depends on the eyes of others.
Avoid the eyes, avoid the shame. Some harbor hope for better times. Hope for the cessation of battering is realized and the relief experienced in the periods of peace is profound. Animal experimenters and human inquisitors know there is nothing as powerful as relief from torture as a positive reward for desired behavior. For some battered women the thin thread of hope and the episodic experience of relief reinforces her decision to stay.