It is natural and pleasurable to help our families and friends. Indeed, this is what brings us happiness. We may feel inadequate, unneeded, selfconscious, exposed, inferior, defective, and abandoned. I might blush or lower my head in shame as I answer. As a result, we get caught in traps, unable to talk to about shame, and thus unable to discover ways of successfully resolving it.
Shameful feelings can be excruciatingly painful.
Often drugs are used to dull the pain. Unrelenting shame kills the soul , and the physical body will do anything, including extreme violence to prevent this event from happening. When we are unable to meet our obligations, others, such as families members may remind us of them, often resorting to tactics that are really less than helpful, such as put downs, criticism, scolding, or blaming. Then the feeling of shame becomes joined by feelings of hurt, hostility, anger and resentment. In many situations, the problem of fulfilling our obligations cannot be solved easily.