The answer is simple. In this family these are the rules. It is essential that your spouse support you around these issues. You must be a team. No one is ever fully prepared for the complexities of step parenting.
Wounds can happen to all, but with time, they can heal.
Again, the answers are boundaries. For example, if you and your spouse are out to a dinner alone, it is your time, no and, if or but. When you, your spouse and your stepchild or children are together, try to plan shared activities so that you aren't in each other's hair. A focused task or activity such as going to a movie, a concert or taking a hike are examples of good focused family activities. They rent a roomy house during the winter at a beach resort, when prices are less expensive and they have all the children, their spouses, and their grandchildren for a four-day weekend.