Of course we have rituals that are supposed to make us feel better and heal. Memorials and funerals, burying caskets, spreading ashes, dividing property, quilts, ribbons, moments of silence. The universal decorum at these events shocks me. Inconsolable grief is not tolerated in public. Get over it, deal with it, get on with your life, these are the only accepted messages.
Time is supposed to be the ultimate solution.
I think time might work too, if only through forgetfulness, if the losses just didn't keep piling up so fast with so little space in between. Lately, I keep remembering a friend's old theory that AIDS is just another national emergency, like an earthquake or tornado or a building that exploded. He believed this and it made sense to me back then. He believed we would survive this disease, and conquer it. Any period of loss would be temporary.