L.C.S.W. People have a great deal of difficulty understanding how family fights and ruptures can occur. I want to give you some basic understanding of some of the trauma you may have experienced with your families of origin. There are basically two categories of crimes and sins which your families may resent you for. They are psychological processes which are begun in the first year of life and are reworked throughout childhood, adolescence and adulthood.
Separation relates to personal autonomy, independence, self assertion, and freedom of choice.
Individuation relates to identity, uniqueness, having your own interests, points of view, likes and dislikes. It is also an inborn striving for children, and like separation, can either be aided and fostered by parents, or thwarted and considered BAD by parents. Dysfunctional families need to punish both these struggles in their children. Often those who choose to separate and individuate are seen as traitors to the family. Health, growth, progress, sobriety can all be seen in these families as moving too far away from the family.