In reality, new fathers may move from being a number one priority for their spouses to fourth or fifth place, behind the baby, sleep, self-care and work. Support wife and child, but don't need support for self. Be masculine, driven, self-reliant and be nurturing, available, involved. Societal mixed messages confront the father at every turn. One father told the story of deliberately taking mornings off work to spend with his child, only to be greeted with the best wishes from a playground mom that he find work soon.
Work takes on new meanings full of double binds .
New fathers are supposed to be physically present and emotionally involved with the new family, and be primary providers. Ironically, climbing the career ladder often coincides with the beginning of the new family, and adds pressure to an already stressful situation. Even if paternity leave is available, supervisors may not support its being taken. New fathers also may start to feel the pressure of the 'provider role', and adopt it as a primary identity rather than balancing work and family. Changes in the marital system occur.