I want to listen and help, but don t attack me.
Spouse has thoughts and feelings and needs to talk about an issue.
If now is OK , great and if now is not OK , then make a date and the spouse who needed more time is responsible to get back at the agreed to time and place. Spouse who wants to talk now proceeds, and the listener makes eye contact, acknowledges what is being said and does not interrupt. I think I feel sad, or disappointed, or hurt, or confused, or excited or etc. Spouse now might say yes . Listener now becomes the talker and responds to what was said by spouse and understood by listener.