Repeat until spouse hits you over the head with a frying pan. He spent, she spent Making matters worse, spouses often gravitate to extremes, one taking the role of overspender and the other donning the robe of hoarder, says Olivia Mellan, author of Overcoming Overspending and Money Harmony . It creates incredible marital discord. On the other hand, the overspender often feels belittled and trapped by his or her angry, unsupportive spouse. With pointed fingers, guilty secrets and feelings of entrapment, excessive debt can corrode a marriage.
Some couples deal with excessive debt in a way that hinders healing.
They focus on the suffering instead of the reason for the overspending, says Celia Ray Hayhoe, assistant professor of family studies at the University of Kentucky. Identify the real problem Think of ruinous debt as an elephant in the living room. Instead of assigning blame to whoever left the door open, you find someone who can help you evict the elephant, then you repair the damage. Likewise, squabbling over debt just shifts blame without solving the problem. A lot of times they bring in a lot of baggage from their families of origin.