Remove the pot from the oven, replace the cover with a toilet seat or similar object, and take a seat. After steaming yourself for a while rub the afflicted area with vaseline. Hiccups Mix mustard and vinegar and rub it on your tongue. Endure this for two minutes before rinsing. Radiation Blueberries and blackberries help purge the organism of radiation so keep a jar of jam handy at all times in case of nuclear attack.
Sore throat Mix the juice of a lemon with one cup of vodka and one cup of oil.
Rinse your throat with it and drink. Mash an onion into pulp, add a little water until you have onion juice, and gargle. Needless to say, don't do this before a date. For more serious throat ailments you'll need to breathe heavily on a frog. The frog's heart should start beating rapidly and you will feel instant relief.