Mother love, like mothering skills, is not automatic. Bonding usually takes days or even weeks. Most women have vivid fantasies and dreams about what their newborn will look like. When the baby arrives, mothers have to realize that their newborn may not match the baby of their dreams. In addition, babies have distinct personalities right from birth.
Some infants are simply easier to care for.
Others are fussy, colicky, and not easily soothed or comforted. Again, adjusting to the baby may be demanding and difficult and may add to feelings of inadequacy and depression. Along with the perfect baby, some women are burdened by a notion of the perfect mother. For many women, striving for perfection is a never-ending and destructive goal. If a mother thinks she is not living up to this ideal, whether it is her own or that of her friends or parents, she may suffer from intense feelings of inadequacy or failure.