The skill of effective listening, which is mandatory for true involvement inTorah, prayer and communal leadership, is also the key to successfulleadership within our homes and schools. There are many informative booksand articles available today, from both Torah and secular sources, whichdescribe the skills of effective listening. Many of these skills can beused as successfully in one's office as they can in one's living room orclassroom. What elevates my communication with my spouse, my child or mystudent over that of my business partner or customer, is that I communicatewith those closest to me from a point of unconditional love. It is thistype of love that is unique to the relationship between parents andchildren, and to those teachers who rise to the Torah's definition ofteacher as surrogate parent.
Unconditional love is an appealing, but often somewhat nebulous term.
Inits essence, it means trying to avoid manipulation, coercion and quick fixesas a way of controlling other people's behavior. It means expanding ournotion of what is acceptable within Torah guidelines so that as many of ourloved ones as possible feel that they have a place within our homes, ourschools and yeshivos, our communities and within the world of Torah as awhole. Above all, it means developing an earnest desire to truly understandother people on their own terms, from within their own world, withoutenforcing quick judgements, snap decisions, and other responses based on ourlife experiences, upon them. None of the above will happen unless we learn to say little and listen much. HaShem created us all with a deep inner world of thoughts, feelings andmotivations.