If your partner s previous relationship was abusive, it might be very difficult for him or her to open up in the way that true intimacy requires. Many survivors experience numbness and disconnection during sex. Certain acts or sensations, even in the context of a caring, mutual relationship, can cause rage, terror, or flashbacks to the violence.
Some survivors choose abstinence as the emotionally safest route.
If your partner is male, he may believe that his experience has made him less of a man, or that if he were truly a man, he would not have been victimized. The self-doubt that can result from sexual violence often poses a serious impediment to anyone s ability to relate sexually to a partner. It is very important for the survivor to make his or her own decisions about intimacy, since sexual violence entails the denial of power to make one s own decisions. Whatever the circumstances, it is very important not to pressure a survivor to be sexual before he or she is ready. Instead, you might ask your partner what activity he or she might choose to engage in.