Remind yourself, you are allowed, entitled, deserve to respect yourself, cherish yourself. You don't have to be small waisted to feel big about yourself. You have and need to be the size you are whatever it may be in a given moment in your life. There is no size you are supposed to be. What's important is not the size nor the amount of weight either gained or lost but the life you lead while getting there.
Success comes from living.
Instead of waiting for some magical moment when all of the requirements you have placed on yourself become filled. It's not the size of your body, it's the size of your life. Once you live a certain way for so many years it's quite difficult to take apart all of those things that have been passed down and comprehended as truth. We cannot loath and then cherish ourselves based on the number on the scale. Change does not come about because we hate ourselves.