A victim is often the target of angry outbursts, sarcasm, or cool indifference. Over time she loses her balance and equilibrium and begins to wonder if she is the one who is crazy. The key to healing is to recognize verbal abuse for what it is and to begin to take deliberate steps to stop it and bring healing. Since the abuser is usually in denial, the responsibility for recognizing verbal abuse often rests with the partner. Now I would like to focus on some of the characteristics of verbal abuse as outlined in The Verbally Abusive Relationship .
Verbal abuse is hurtful and usually attacks the nature and abilities of the partner.
Over time, the partner may begin to believe that there is something wrong with her or her abilities. She may come to feel that she is the problem, rather than her partner. Overt verbal abuse is usually blaming and accusatory, and consequently confusing to the partner. Covert verbal abuse, which is hidden aggression, is even more confusing to the partner. Its aim is to control her without her knowing.