By teaching children skills to deal with aggression early on, we will have a society that has less tolerance for bullying and aggressive behavior. We need to develop ways of honoring the innate quality of aggression and finding safe outlets for it. He only knows that his intimidation affects others and he gets what he wants. The submissiveness of others give him power that substitutes for the love he craves. His rage helps him momentarily ventilate the unresolved hurt and shame inside.
Shame blocks positive information from coming in.
The child feels bad about his explosive outbursts that give him the attention that he cannot get from achievement and friendships. The aggressive child desires affection, but is afraid of being swallowed up and depleted by others. He has the mistaken belief that intimacy represents being controlled by others. He learns to substitute enjoyment of hurting others for friendship. The ability to accept kindness and love from someone is a skill that the child has missed out on.