The first task is for the adults involved to rebuild their lives so as to enhance the opportunity that the divorce can provide for living more honest, personally richer and fulfilling lives in the future. The second task is to parent the children after the divorce, protecting them from the crossfire between ex-spouses and nurturing them to fulfill their potential as they grow up. There is a need to recognize that the marriage is over and divorce is likely. Crying is important. Only crying reduces anger, rage, resentment, a sense of betrayal, and all those other hurtful feelings associated with loss, to human and manageable proportions.
Some people are unable and refuse to believe that the marriage is over.
This parallels the stage of denial commonly seen during bereavement over one who has died. Rather than face the reality of the loss in front of them, people may become preoccupied with their former spouses new life. The point is, many people want to hold on to anger and a sense of being wronged rather than face the reality of the loss and their emptiness. This may go on for years. The danger of an unmourned marriage dissolution is that psychologically the marriage continues for years.