You don't have to be a college freshman to appreciate a fast, easy meal. The excellent Classico was left out of the survey due to a pre-existing bias in its favor on the part of the critic.
Sauces are available at area grocery stores.
Prices are approximate. Sweetened with high-fructose corn syrup, this one would likely be popular with the gloriously unsophisticated palettes of young kiddies. It isn't enough that he got to play Cool Hand Luke, one of the baddest roles in Hollywood history. Nor is it enough that he's as mouth-watering as a slice of pepperoni pizza after a vegan retreat. And sure, while he's at it, let him have big enough balls to drive Formula One race cars at death-courting speeds.