I have accepted the reality of the situation, but I will never accept his choice. There is a special sting to suicide that is unique among deaths, experts say. For two years after Ed's death, Carol said she was emotionally and spiritually paralyzed. It was during this time that she believes her faith community and her church carried her. I knew in the deepest part of me that Mary and Jesus were both with me during these painful times, and yet that knowledge was something I didn't really want because I would rather have had my son alive and with me again.
Time helps natural healing but people have to cope during the time of reeling and pain.
I knew I was never alone in my pain. Carol tried to attend a Survivors of Suicide Group to see if the support group could help her deal with her pain and anger. Initially after three sessions she was so overwhelmed she did not return. And then Christ himself touched her and renewed her. A year and a half ago, while attending the funeral of one of Ed's friends who had died suddenly at the age of 27, Carol said she finally was able to begin exhaling the breath that she took on that day beside the garage when the paramedics stopped working on her son.