The cause of the loss has a lot to do with dealing with it. If I hadn't stayed and shopped around for that video-game, I might have gotten home earlier and smelled the smoke and kept my house from burning down. I know we try to make sense of the loss, figure it out, make it have some meaning rather than a freak accident or just bad luck. They want you to believe that you are the enemy and you should be punished appropriately. The enemy is powerful.
Words are powerful.
These outside forces have entered our minds to do us damage. Remember, you did not choose for your loved one to leave you . You can't change the past. You can sincerely miss them and you can adjust, over time, to living without their presence. Also, you can observe certain pitfalls of the past than may be able to be avoided in the future.