We at the Chronicle believe the school should go further in their innovations in apartment-style living. The school is responsible for students welfare. Therefore, students should be banned from all adult-style activity while on or near campus. Residence Life should make sure to protect them from making any mistakes that they might learn from within the liability radius. For example, all sexual contact should be banned in the dorm system.
Students risk actual consequences from exploring their own bodies and the bodies of others.
Not to mention the school s own mortal regret at its failing to make each student s life perfect. In fact, it might be worth the investment to install Masturbation Policing cameras with infra-red capabilities in each dorm room, to ensure the school s moral integrity is not violated in the dark of night. Perhaps the school should levy their own fines when students receive parking tickets. The same policy should be adopted for all state and city laws. If residents risk the possibility of expulsion from the dorms for forgetting to feed a meter, fewer meters will be forgotten.