If the death of an important person seems too terrible, the natural reactions to loss also become symptoms that interfere with other functioning, instead of helping. It is normal to try to avoid very intense feelings that seem intolerable. To try to cope, many people will avoid talking about the person who died or looking at photographs. They may also avoid activities or situations that remind them of the loss. Sometimes a bereaved person has the idea that others might feel uncomfortable seeing them very emotional, so they try to protect these others by remaining silent.
Some people believe that distracting themselves is the best way to cope with the loss.
Avoidance and distraction are perfectly normal and understandable ways of coping with very strong and unpleasant feelings, and they do help, but usually only in the short run. Unfortunately, feelings associated with very painful experiences usually do not go away by avoiding or ignoring them. Instead, they remain in your mind - a little like a field of land mines, buried under the surface, but still active. In addition, there is usually tension from knowing that these feelings are present under the surface. This tension, combined with the unpredictable outpouring of emotions, means that when there are hidden feelings, they tend to affect a person's whole life.