During a war, according to the Geneva Convention, each side is allowed to shoot at the other, but as soon as enemy soldiers hold up their hands or run up a white flag we are protect them, feed them, lovingly tend their wounded. As Christians we will add that, even though they have been our enemies, we love them as friends and neighbors. Perhaps the cross is most painful when we commit ourselves to loving other church members in our congregation. It is easy to remember words that hurt us, to gossip about failures, to reject those who come in to take our place in leadership positions. We don't need you here.
Some people decide that the only way to avoid getting hurt is to stop loving.
They withdraw into a shell, and decide to avoid any kind of loving and being loved. By refusing the risk of loving, we end up losing everything. The way of love is to count the cost of knowing that in any kind of loving we will get hurt, and settling, as Jesus did, that it is OK to be hurt. When the willingness to be hurt becomes the joy of our life, then we are freed to love and be loved. But God does not dictate to us what kind of loving we must engage in.