Larry Pollack, a New York matrimonial lawyer for a quarter of a century, described a typical case in which his client is the husband. When the wife received a hot-shot job offer in New York, the couple moved up from the South, where the husband had made his living buying and selling real estate and fixing up houses. She became the breadwinner, while he took on the role of soccer dad. Mr. Pollack is trying to persuade the father not to fight, because he won't win. Even though the mother intends to continue her demanding professional life by hiring nannies, she will almost certainly win custody, Mr. Pollack said, because it is seen as a social disgrace for a mother to lose custody of a child.
Some courts do recognize fathers' rights when both parents are reasonable.
Some, at least, can manage to clear this difficult emotional hurdle. A Massachusetts research scientist named Roger, divorced at 50, was furious at having to give up his rights as a full-time father. In spite, he planned to move to California, get a condo, dye his hair and start dating. The children could visit when it was convenient. He sees his children several times a week, not in a hotel or at McDonald's, but driving them to the dentist or doing homework together.