Rewrites sendmail in assembly. Hacks kernel to . . . Locks accounts that go over mail use quota. Keeps quota low enough that people go back to interoffice mail, thus solving problem. I've got my boots and backpack.
Users give up and go back to post-it notes.
Users give up and go back to post-it notes. Tells the users to use flat files and grep, the way God meant man to keep track of phone numbers. Users give up and go back to post-it notes. Longer than eight kilobytes. Sources the output of a perl script, rewrites itself.