Raising children who carry their own load and do good to others isn't easy. And dealing with sibling rivalry is one of the biggest challenges. Playing referee, catering to whining, forcing sharing, and comparing our children are easy mistakes to slip into. Sometimes we do these things in order to make life easier in the moment. In the long run though these approaches make family life more difficult because they exacerbate sibling rivalry and stress parents out.
Stressed parents have short tempers, which in turn increases sibling rivalry.
It's a vicious circle. Good family times are about good relationships. That's why tempering sibling rivalry is so important. Our children will develop relationship skills when we do the hard work of coaching instead of refereeing, setting boundaries instead of catering, encouraging sharing without forcing it, and appreciating each child's uniqueness without comparing. Disciplining our children and teaching them these values and skills takes a concerted effort year after year.