You face a number of very hard decisions. You have already had to face some incredibly tough choices. And based on what you have told me in your letter, you have made good choices. I can't begin to tell you how proud of you I am for this. For example, you did not make the horrible mistake of committing suicide.
Suicide is never a right choice.
It is always wrong. He kept you from killing yourself because He knew that, with His help, you could face your problems. Of course, killing yourself would have also meant killing your baby. That would have been a double disaster. God knew that Satan would like nothing better than to destroy both you and your baby in one blow.