I don't mind being friendly with strangers, but I don't want a stranger's germs getting too friendly with mine. Using a restroom is an adventure partly because you have to figure out how to operate the faucet, a skill that often requires a college degree. Every restroom in America seems to have a unique faucet, a tribute to this country's great faucet inventors. Some faucets are automatic, while others require users to push, pull, turn, jump, or pray. Most men prefer the second choice because it helps clean their pants.
Sinks come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, as do urinals.
The floor is usually dry around the sinks. And if you've taken any magazines or newspapers into the restroom, make sure you incinerate them. Alligators snap their jaws at almost anything. They're more dangerous than Lorena Bobbitt. Melvin Durai, a graduate of Towson State University and a former Baltimorean, is a humor columnist at the Chambersburg, Pa., Public Opinion.