I mean, I began listening to Beatles music, and decided that, yes, John Lennon s sidies were quite garish, and that, yes, owning a pair would make me as popular as your average desk calendar salesman. My move backfired though, and for a while, I had no dates, nobody called my house and children would throw rocks at me in the streets. Come to think of it, I was living in the Middle East at the time, so it made sense. Anyway, I persevered and my sidies would have become my trademark, if my trademark didn t happen to be not wearing underpants. That last one was from a close relative.
Sideburns have a rich history, dating back to the age of the dinosaur.
Dinosaurs couldn t grow sideburns, so they decided to become extinct instead. Sideburns didn t actually become a word until after the Civil War. They were named after General Intimidating Sideburns, a general with the Union Army. He sported his sideburns, which looked more like two otters crawling out of his ears, in several Civil War battles, including The Battle of the Bulge and the Battle Against Gum Disease and Gingivitis. In battles, he would run at the confederates, pointing to his crazy facial hair while screaming like a banshee.