The only time I got really scared was when the mob surrounded me and began beating on my head. P.K., a seven-foot green lizard, is the mascot for the Miami Fusion, a professional soccer team of which I'm a big fan. I like soccer because there's a lot of action and drama. There are no timeouts, so the only way players can catch their breath is to sustain a major injury, which some of them are very good at. The referee generally ignores the player, who, after a while, gets up and continues playing.
Some players suffer four or five fatal injuries per game.
That's how tough they are. The other team scored a goal, and the guy who scored it celebrated by reaching into his shorts, pulling out a carrot, and eating it. Sunday afternoon I found myself in an office next to the stadium, struggling into the P.K. outfit, which includes green leggings, green arms with only four fingers per hand, big feet, a four-foot tail and a large lizard head with buggy eyes and a grinning, snouty mouth. Helping me put these items on was the regular Fusion mascot, Tony Mozzott, who, when he is not a giant lizard, manages a supermarket meat department. Finally I was suited up, and, with Tony guiding me, I waddled into the stadium.