Part of our struggle and confusion is a result of the scary extremes we're all trying to avoid. He demands perfect order and obedience, and there is wrath to pay for the child who steps outside his boundaries or gets on his nerves. Some of these dads adopt the view that we should never upset our children in any way or deny them of something they want. But how we carry out those steps makes all the difference. It's all in the atmosphere.
Some fathers wait to deal with their children until they've been pushed past their limit.
They're frustrated, possibly angry, and the atmosphere of the discipline is hostility-and, for the child, fear. When we exercise behavioral control without love, the results are harmful at best and barbaric at worst. The focus shifts from the child's disobedience to the tense emotions, and we lose whatever opportunity we had to teach the child valuable lessons. But everything changes in an atmosphere of acceptance and love. We are under control, doing what we know is right, not reacting unpredictably in the heat of the moment.