Shame is a fear-based internal state being, accompanied by beliefs of being unworthy and basically unlovable. Shame is a primary emotion that conjures up brief, intense painful feelings and a fundamental sense of inadequacy. This perceived deficit of being bad is so humiliating and disgraceful that there is a need to protect and hide the flawed self from others. Fears of being vulnerable, found out, exposed and further humiliated are paramount. Feelings of shame shut people down so that they can distance from the internal painful state of hopelessness.
Shame is a result of early developmental loss either real or perceived.
It may begin in parent-infant conflict where there is possible significant loss or threat of loss of the child's basic security. The child longs for closeness with the mother and father. If there is rejection or love withdrawal from the parent, the child is left with intense, painful emotions. Anna Freud described these experiences as happening before the child develops language and therefore are not remembered. Experiences that cause shame alter the child's basic trust of others and are at the heart of dysfunctional behavior.