A game of endurance played by parents of young children, requiring vast amounts of time and gasoline. Shinguards for each child's tiny shins. Shirts with numbers that go on the back for each child.
Soccer socks that go over each shinguard.
Shoes with little knobs on the bottoms, specially designed to destroy linoleum floors. The standard soccer game ranges over an area 20 miles long an 10 miles wide. During practices and games, soccer officials fill out forms, keeping score of parents' performance. Points are deducted for late arrivals and missing articles of equipment. During practices and games, children are given balls to kick to keep them busy while judges undertake the complex scoring process.