Like Marion Barry in a run-down D.C. hotel room, our resolve didn t last very long. Still, we decided to put together a Backpage that would help you repent. Already wildly popular with test groups of abusive alcoholics, Promise Keepers and boyfriends who went to Europe on foreign study, the Backpage will help us all to cleanse our spirits and renew our commitment to a life of wholesome friendliness. Points are awareded for earnestness, so bring the pain. Half-Truth, Truth, Whole Truth Baby, there is something I need to tell you.
Words just can t describe the collective sorrow in our hearts.
We would also like to apologize to the Russian head of state, the Russian people, and the producers of Mohawk vodka for implying that there is any connection between the three. We d also like to apologize to Student Development, to whose policies we owe a great deal of gratitude. Were it not for their arbitrary and byzantine take on campus justice, standing trial in that kangaroo court in the Peruvian highlands might have been downright frightening. We have been mean-spirited, vindictive people who feed on human misery and enjoy harrassing the voiceless and defenseless. Aside from lucrative job offers from the Registrar s Office and the Department of Justice, we ve little to show for our foray into the offensive arts.