Some people quit jobs they've always hated, she says. Others leave bad relationships. Others travel while they can. That kind of growth in the face of adversity, whether one considers it heroic or not, is never easy, cautions Dr. Jimmie Holland, chairman of psychiatry and behavioral science at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York. Initially, the big problem may be learning to live with the uncertainty about how disabled you may become and whether your life expectancy will be shortened.
Some people can throw their energies into beating their disease and return to normal activities.
But others can't beat the disease, no matter how hard they try. Many people can do this on their own, she says, but many also find it helpful to join support groups or see individual counselors. Like Kingsbury, she believes one key to this meaning is to not let the illness become who you are. Other people can help buttress this outlook by not treating you as if illness were the essence of your being and by continuing to talk to you about the things you've always been interested in. Helen Freeman is the first to admit that this can be tough.