Another part of the answer is the 'goodness of fit' between the child's individual behavior and the way they are reared. Both of these dimensions are critical in determining how the parent-child relationship evolves over time. First, since parents can't change or determine the child's temperamental style, parenting needs to be molded around the child's temperament. Parents who try to make the child fit their concept of the 'perfect child' usually end up feeling very frustrated. A better approach is to observe and learn about the infant's behavioral style and then change the way the parent reacts to the situation.
Temperamental characteristics can be very positive in some situations and challenging in others.
Only by sensitizing themselves to the infant's personality can parents learn how to respond to in a helpful way. Most parents learn this through a period of trial and error but when conflict continues to increase rather than resolve itself, or when it appears unexpectedly, assistance may be welcome. If a child is shy, she should not be reprimanded for being hesitant toward a stanger. If the child is intense she shouldn't be criticized for being loud when she feels upset, just as she isn't punished for being loud when she is happy. If a child is irregular, she shouldn't be punished for not being hungry at every meal or not ready to sleep at every bed time.