Spend time listening to them about their day and withhold any negative or critical comments. Don t sweat the small stuff. Kids are people too. Your child will make mistakes or behavior in ways which you may not agree. You must ask yourself whether or not intervention is warranted.
Some parents think children needs to be like themselves and make the same decisions.
This is far from the case and most often not the case at all. Allow the child to develop her own personality and way of dealing with the world. Don t expect miracles. Odds are things will get worse before they get better. The oppositional child has well learned and established ways of interacting with you and change will not happen quickly or easily.