Phases of Grief 1. Shock and Denial For birthparents, shock is often confounded by the miracle of birth. For many birthfathers, and some birthmothers, it may be the first time the baby is an actual reality, instead of an abstract concept. The pride and joy of the new baby are often mixed with the sadness that comes from the decision to let go. It is in the aftermath of this experience that shock usually sets in.
Shock is usually our first reaction to the impact of loss.
You may feel numb, as though you are just going through the motions. In this stage you may move between a dull feeling of calm and being teary. As the shock wears off and more intense feelings of sadness and pain begin, many will enter a period of denial. For some birthparents in open adoptions, minimizing the loss is a form of denial. These birthparents console themselves with the idea that the loss in an open adoption is really quite small, after all, they will be able to maintain contact and eventually have a relationship with their child.