If we have been taught that abuse is the way to parent, many of us will abuse. Yes, abuse is a strong word, however, that is what it is when children are bullied, forced, spanked, belittled, ignored, put down, neglected, hit, overpowered or sexually used. No one wants to think of him or herself as engaging in abusive behaviors or habits, of course, but it is important for us to confront the truth about any of these behaviors. They are abusive. We excuse ourselves rather than accepting responsibility for learning communication skills and effective parenting strategies that reduce and eliminate power struggles and allow us to understand ourselves and our children and teens better.
Support is needed for both parents and children.
A current movement is that of ACoA, Adult Children of Alcoholics. This is a good example of the effects of one generation's choices on the next. There is a significant correlation between the number of alcoholic parents and the number of abusing parents, as intoxicated people often exhibit rage and other inappropriate behaviors. Alcoholic parents create environments for children to experience deep shame. Deep shame is exhibited in one of two ways, superiority, arrogance and rage, or inferiority, self-abasement and withdrawal.