Pig Pen is suing Green Street for stealing his act. Emmanuel Lewis is so short, four Smurfs just beat the hell out of him. Most citizens are outraged by the choice, with the notable exception of the Chief, who is relieved to finally have another racial stereotype to hang with. In a quiet ceremony on the Quad, singer Britney Spears takes a chance on a Daily Illini columnist who charmed her with stories of med school and a mufferless station wagon. Sorry, the ham doesn't lie.
Students are pleasantly surprised when they return to school.
The booths charge a quarter to cross the street, fifty cents without oncoming traffic. Illinois travels to Michigan and this year we don't get screwed by the referees. The rest of the month is pretty much a wash. The Chief is once again debated on campus. Just as the they have the last few centuries, Native American groups come out against their culture being presented on astroturf.