I grieve the same loss. It's the worst feeling I've ever known. It feels like it will never end. N. It's 6 months since I've seen him. But generally things are getting better.
Time does heal.
That pull of someone so intelligent, yet so not well can be alluring. Fact is, he deep down never really feels cared for, not really, so he resorts to caring for himself. Ed is right. Loving an N is really about falling in love with what you deep down want to be yourself. Ed is correct, again.