Brian, This is an interesting, action-packed story. The writing is quite descriptive. I get a clear, vivid picture of all the events and a taste of the chaotic mood surrounding them. My chief criticism is that the plot is weak and undeveloped.
Storyline is sacrificed for violence and action.
It reads like a fragment in a larger story or novel where all of the plot elements may come into play. However, the theme that corporate business can be just as bloody and violent as war comes across loud and clear. Looking forward to reading more of your work in this zine. This is an interesting, action-packed story. The writing is quite descriptive.