Tension-Building Rather than using mutual communication, negotiation, or compromise to solve problems, violent individuals tend to rely on the use of force or coercion to get what they want. Typically, violence occurs after a build-up of tension in the relationship about issues which are not directly discussed or resolved. During this period, tension mounts, communication decreases, and both partners may feel tense, edgy, and jumpy. Arguments and criticism tend to increase during this period. After this build-up, physical violence may erupt over seemingly insignificant issues.
Tension seems to be released, and often, the relationship seems to improve.
Seduction Perpetrators of violence often apologize, make promises to change, and pay special attention to their partners immediately following a violent incident. This kind of spontaneous change rarely occurs, however, because the underlying pattern of control and lack of communication and compromise has not changed. Talk to someone about your feelings. Since relationship violence is traumatic and overwhelming, it is important for you to have support. If you find that family or friends are not able to understand, or cannot offer all the support you need, there are a number of campus and community agencies where trained professionals can assist you in a caring, confidential manner.