You're married to a flawed person, and so is your mate. You can choose to focus on your partner's deficiencies or on his or her strengths. For example, a quiet spouse is either withdrawn and emotionally disengaged, or he or she is careful before speaking in an attempt to avoid misunderstanding. So even in the middle of a disagreement, when tension and hurt feelings take center stage, remind yourself of the admirable traits that led you to marry this person. Redefine your differences.
Toxic thinkers define such differences as serious shortcomings.
But healthy thinkers see strength in these same differences. Most of us marry our opposites, a tendency that holds great potential for creating a richer life. For instance, if a saver marries a spender, the saver can help the spender be more responsible with money. And the spender can help the saver loosen up and get more enjoyment out of life. 6 Practice loving thoughts.