Your relationship with your child's spouse will depend on the level of trust you have in your child's spouse, your ability to communicate on more than one level, whether you have grandchildren, and the openness of the spouse to maintaining a relationship with you. Sue was confiding in me about her son's second divorce. The first divorce was stormy, protracted, and expensive, but the second was going more smoothly. Sue struggled to maintain good relationships with her son's former wives, because she understood how her son had contributed to difficulties with the marriages, she wanted to keep a good relationship with her grandchildren, and she genuinely liked both women. Sue's struggle, of course is to maintain good relationships without communicating a lack of support for her son.
Some parents have just the opposite kind of reaction to their child's spouse.
They see the child's spouse as the personification of evil, they believe him or her to have an almost satanic grip on their child's psyche, and every contact with the child's spouse sets up an agonizing cycle of revulsion, fear, and even nausea. If you're in this category, back off. Just avoid contact with your child's spouse until time allows the healing to begin. If it's been more than three years and there's no healing, let me know . We need to talk about getting some outside help for you.