If arguments begin to have a deteriorating effect on a relationship and no resolution appears in sight, it is time to examine the level of commitment each of the partners has to the relationship. Quite often this is the basic issue which remains unresolved by the two partners. People frequently avoid this topic for fear that their partner may be on the verge of bailing out, so they never get a good reading on how the partner feels about the degree of intimacy and longevity they ought to have in the relationship. At this stage we may even see our partner as the enemy, a competitor, and someone who is not to be trusted. Problems arise when each person sees the commitment differently or when their expectations are unrealistic.
Unhealthy commitments assume that one person is responsible for the other person's happiness.
A solid first step in working on conflict in a relationship is to clarify the degree of commitment each party feels toward the other. It should be an open topic which can be brought up at any time. Couples who have been together for decades often attribute their success to the commitment they have made to the relationship. I t is better to be close and happy than to be right. Blaming each other and trying to change the other person's opinions are both counterproductive.