In fact, the church is often the place where abuse hides best because that is where people least expect to find it. Many of us grow up believing that our behavior is linked to salvation. Because ultimate perfection is mandatory, we don t dare to deviate from our parents , teachers or pastors expectations for us. We wouldn t think of risking their disapproval. Our salvation depends upon our being obedient.
Some families keep secrets.
Children have to do or endure things that violate, frighten, and shame them. They can t protest or escape without endangering the approval they crave from their families. The scars of these secrets live deeply in the children s hearts and memories, and as they grow, they find that the only way they know to deal with their rage and frustration is to perpetrate some variation of the pain they experienced on those closest to them. These scarred adults feel locked in an uncontrollable vortex of pain and rage. They feel so damned by their secret behaviors that they go overboard trying live the rest of their lives perfectly.