Like other stepfamily experts, Bray urges the original parent to do the disciplining at first. The couple are so busy with parenting, the marriage isn't nurtured. Some even take the children on the honeymoon - a big mistake. Say husband and wife are looking forward to being alone next weekend, but the other parent calls at the last minute and cancels taking the kids. The new spouse may get angry, and both may take it out on the children.
Successful families have backup plans.
Difficulties dealing with what Bray calls the non-residential parent. When the stepfamily is succeeding, a child knows he has three or four adults who love him. But when people don't get along, the child is sandwiched in the middle. He sees criticism of his other parent as attacks on him, because he is half that parent. After three or four years, they look a lot like nuclear families.