Jealousy, sometimes a batterer equates jealousy with love and says it s because of the strength of love that I m concerned about who you talk to, who you flirt with, who you have an affair with, and who you spend time with. It is love that is used as a rational for extreme jealousy. That behavior is abusive. Controlling behavior, a batterer may say, I care so much about you that I want to take care of you. So a partner steps in to protect an individual or to keep them from having to make decisions that the partner says they are incapable of making.
Some abusive behavior comes from quick involvement.
We all like the romantic notion of eyes meeting across a crowded room and people falling in love at first sight. But a battered woman has often known or dated her batterer for less than six months before getting engaged, married, or moving in together. Then later the victim would feel guilty for not maintaining that high level of passion that the eyes meeting across the room first suggested. Sometimes there are unrealistic expectations. A batterer may expect his partner to meet all of his needs, to satisfy emotional and domestic needs.