Although we may yearn for a childlike trust and openness with our spouse, experience sometimes teaches us that we can avoid hurt feelings and arguments by a certain amount of dissembling. To distinguish white lies from black lies, it's important to look at our motives, says Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of several books on religion and ethics. One type of marital life is told to protect the partner from unpleasant information. Women and Men in Conversation . But the wife often interprets this as treating her like a stranger.
Women tell protective lies too.
Meanwhile, Petra's husband was in major crisis at work. She decided to tell him everything was fine - at least until tests results were in. A wife can convince herself she's lying to spare her partner, when she's really trying to avoid dealing with his bad mood. First, ask yourself what would happen if you told the truth. This exchange can undermine marital intimacy.