Shame and guilt do an excellent job keeping our separation intact. This is in fact the most effective weapon against true belonging, keeping us disconnected. Stephen Glenn in his book Raising Children for Success says that guilt is useful for only ten seconds, to jolt our conscience into correct action. Anything longer than ten seconds, he says, hurts us. Shame should never be the motivator to action.
Shame is useful only for the heart's moment of recognition.
In cultures of the Far East shame is often used to guide a child. One day we heard that a leader would be coming to the dormitory to speak to the children. He told them that bad grades would bring shame to their parents so please study hard. The leader left, pleased that he could spur the dormitory children to work hard. They began to believe that they did not belong and were not accepted.