Paradoxically, AIDS memorials often came about due to the need to have a ritual for the deceased,s gay family apart from the straight family. Invariably, these memorials have emphasized the person,s gayness, loving relationships with members of the same-sex, and connection with a community. Lovers, ex-lovers and friends can share and remember. When there is no specific ritual to enact this, it is important to do it privately with those who knew the deceased. Even when there has been a preparation for the death, as with AIDS and other terminal illnesses, you can,t really know what it is like until it happens.
Some people feel tremendous grief and sorrow.
Others feel nothing at first. It is very important not to judge your immediate reaction as your full response to the loss, because bereavement is a process rather than an event. One common feeling is dissociation, a feeling of not being in the real world. You have literally lost a part of yourself, the part that joined with your lover as a unit. The experience is akin to having an amputation.