But if he stays in that role when he is at home with only family members around, he may forget to be gentle or may be so tired that he forgets to make extra gestures of love. A wife may feel that as a mother her job is to be there for her new baby 100 percent. She may not know how to balance her needs for affectionate touch from her husband with her desire to not be touched after a long day of holding an infant. A couple needs to find a way to combine the parenting role with the roles of being lovers and friends to each other. As we focus more on our jobs as parents and providers, we may forget to pay attention to ourselves as marriage partners.
Some couples even find that their new roles inhibit their relationship as lovers.
A man may find it hard to see a mother as someone to make love to, even when the woman is the mother of his own child. A woman may have difficulty remembering to nurture her husband after spending so much time nurturing their new baby. Some husbands and wives don't want to bother their spouses with their own needs when they see how much work the other person is doing. But when needs for emotional intimacy go unmet for too long, resentment builds. It is very important to respect the relationship between the mother and the baby.