Often they feel as though they are at fault. Your depression may be the result of not only the sense of betrayal, but of turning the anger you probably experiencing inward. Anger and hurt are appropriate reactions to being deceived. I could say much about the issue of sexuality. Your husband's critical comments suggest that your husband's sexuality is more about power than it is about either intimacy or sexuality.
Sexuality is an intimate act where both parties feel good about themselves and each other.
If it does not feel good, then it is not good. There are no rights and wrongs when the interaction is mutually pleasurable and each party feels respected. Perhaps you should seek psychological counseling yourself in order to help gain perspective on your marriage and to help you to integrate both your present and your past. Psychotherapy might be able to help you deal with your hurt and anger more effectively. You might be able to develop your self-esteem after years of being told that something was wrong with you and being treated with such lack of consideration.