When there is abuse in the family, all members of the family are participating in the dynamic, and therefore all must change for the abuse to stop. Only the perpetrator has the ability and responsibility to stop the abuse by seeking help. Battering is a behavioral choice. Many victims make numerous changes in their behavior in the hope that this will stop the abuse. This does not work.
Victims exaggerate the level of abuse.
If it was really that bad, they would leave. Most victims actually minimize the abuse because of self blame, guilt or shame. Victims considering leaving their abusers are faced with the very real possibility of continued threats and harassment, severe physical injury and even death. Domestic violence is the only crime in which the victim, in order to escape the dangers, has to leave home, friends, family, economic security, pets, belongings and sometimes the city behind for a safer, more peaceful life. People consistently place responsibility for violence and abuse on the perpetrator.