Hacks kernel to . . . Puts mail use policy in motd. Locks accounts that go over mail use quota. Keeps quota low enough that people go back to inter-office mail, thus solving problem. I've got my boots and backpack.
Users give up and go back to post-it notes.
Users give up and go back to post-it notes. Tells the users to use flat files and grep, the way God meant Man to keep track of phone numbers. Users give up and go back to post-it notes. Longer than eight kilobytes. Sources the output of a Perl script, rewrites itself.