There is the reality of a loving, caring relationship which includes your transgenderism. I think you need to sit back and do some healing. Also, rather than consider your crossdressing a hateful thing, think about it as a rare gift. We know that this is hard for you to do, for you are deeply hurting. We all go through times when there are things about ourselves that we hate - not just being transgendered.
True love knows no boundaries when dealing with gender issues.
You cannot compartmentalize yourself, nor can anyone expect that of you. If she could not accept this part of you, perhaps it was not meant to be. That she obviously felt attraction and caring for you is very apparent. However, we all have our limitations, and perhaps the transgenderism is her limitation. Dear friend, take each day as it comes.