I am in a position to save the Chicago Symphony a bundle. Luckily for you, I am an accomplished clown as well as a proficient calliopist. This act of kindness will not cost the Symphony a single penny. Please respond ASAP because I have already received offers from the Metropolitan Opera Company, the Barnum and Bailey Circus and the Flying Wallendas. Have the contract ready when I arrive.
Time is of the essence.
Sincerely, Slide Rafferty P.S. Please send check in advance for tuxedo rental and bus fare.