Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato. You can't trust dogs to watch your food. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
School lunches stick to the wall.
Your resume is on a disk in your pocket. When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.