My love for my daughter also overshadows the sorrow of my lost pregnancies. Women have had time to feel their body changing and to get a tangible sense of the life they're carrying. Fathers don't usually start to connect with the baby until they see physical evidence of the pregnancy. Lou Gusmano, of the Chicago area, still remembers being stung by his co-workers' lack of acknowledgement about the miscarriages he and his wife, Chris, experienced nearly a decade ago. They don't realize that the man has also lost a child.
Some men find it difficult to share their feelings.
John Hutson, of Baltimore, says he didn't discuss his pain over their miscarriages with his wife, Robin, because he didn't want to add to her burden. Others choose to focus on their wife's healing. Then there are those who, like Bill Doering, of La Crosse, WI, channel their feelings into projects or activities. Not comfortable shedding tears even when alone, Doering reacted to the multiple miscarriages he and his wife endured by avoiding the issue. I wanted to paint the garage instead.