While Audrey swears that it s one of the finer points of Master Gardening, just what causes a plant to change sides still eludes me. Every year, at least one plant that has been a staple in the garden for years is suddenly and inexplicably torn out by its screaming roots, only to be replaced by an identical sibling, the difference of which only genic mapping could reveal. All Pull um Annum plants destined for the compost heap, are further categorized as Cloggers or non-Cloggers . Non-Cloggers on the other hand are a fantasy made up by wives to keep their husbands at their mulcher duty stations. Plants are next categorized as Subterranean and Freez ums .
Subterranean plants are plants considered too weenie to survive our winters.
Electric Company s are big fans of Subterranean plants, especially when they are stored in basements filled with hundreds of grow lights. By the time Audrey is finished, the basement looks like a tropical jungle, and the electric meter is spinning faster then a 45 at a sock hop. After rigorous analysis, and countless gin and tonics, I ve come to the conclusion that the size of the Subterranean plants is inversely proportional to the weather and the number of plants left to be carried down into the basement. While the Subterranean plants are nothing but work for Audrey, they are a source of nonstop amusement for me. Cut off from the natural cycles of the sun, they are held hostage to the latest science fiction movie I ve watched.