In fact, Illinois and Texas are on opposite ends of the weather discomfort zone. Whereas Texomans can report seeing small animals burst into flames in mid-July, people in Northern Illinois are forced to dress like the South Park kids for seven months of the year. I even ski - clumsily, but I ski. But it's also a known fact that 19 percent of Illinoisans have at one time gotten their tongues stuck to metal objects in the winter, primarily flagpoles. Most Illinoisans under the age of 12 are physically compelled to stick their tongue to flagpoles, neglected lawn chairs and, occasionally and tragically, railroad tracks.
Tongues really do stick.
And if you don't believe me, kids, go get mom's ice trays out of the freezer. Come back, kids, I'm just kidding. In kindergarten, my friend Donald stuck his tongue to the school flagpole, and by most accounts, half of it is still there. Heat, especially in liquid form, carefully applied to the tongue, will unstick it. But if you're by yourself, you're a goner.