Then I'm capable of turning it around, then I have something to offer others. You can do this. I don't know where you need to do it. After you forgive yourself, you probably have to forgive your parents, your schools, your boss, your spouse or lover. You undoubtedly have to forgive God for things not quite not working out the way you hoped they would.
Survival is falsehood detected in time.
That's the beginning of the end of living a completely and unconsciously sinful life. It's making a kind of self-restitution. And it takes us back to where the whole Gospel story began. Seventy times seven, Jesus said in the parable. Forgive without limit.