Every conflict you have and every evil thing begins with a concentration on self. First of all, self-seeking is completely contrary to love. Scripture makes it clear that love is always more concerned about others' well-being. Therefore, love and selfishness cannot co-exist. They are like oil and water that can never mix.
Selfishness has many faces, all of which are ugly.
Sometimes self is seen in a very bold and aggressive way when a person will verbally insist on having his or her own way. It's the straightforward demand of me first. Sometimes this bold demand is accompanied with a violent outburst of anger to insure its way is obtained through intimidation. Other times selfishness is very subtle. It can have the quiet face of cunning manipulation with gentle words.