I d like to reconsider our budget. I share your nervousness. At the same time I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of having to return to the really tight budget we were on when you were unemployed. I sure feel thankful that we re not that bad off now. Conveying thoughts is important, but thoughts are conveyed with increased potency when they are preceded by a description of the speaker s feeling.
Thoughts alone create an arm s length, businesslike tone.
Adding feelings gives the conversation warmth and intimacy. For maximum effectiveness, first label the feeling, then verbalize the thought. It provokes defensiveness, because it sounds like a warning that a criticism is on its way. Once again, the solution is to express a feeling before the thought. I m careful when I m sick to keep my flu to myself.