It is generally not acceptable behavior at a party, public or private. Please don't let one jerk jade your view of us all. Please don't mistake what you saw in the dungeon as what happens in the average kinkster's home on any given Saturday night. Part of the draw of events like this is the elaborate furniture and play environment. Some things you saw there took months of planning, and were conceived of specifically for that event.
Some people even dare to call it performance art.
One of the allures of it is that you don't find that kind of play-space everyday. But sending someone who views at least some of these practices as a pathology smacks of a setup. Yes, a lot of macho men are into the scene for the wrong reasons. A lot of submissive women are there for the wrong reasons too. People don't change just because they're wearing black leather.