Automatically assume that she doesn't know a thing about cars or electrical equipment. When she finally gives in and lets you fix something, try your best to completely ruin it. Don't call, ever. Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do.
Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have.
Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check you hair, clothing, etc. If, God forbid,you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Body noises are permissible. Don't wear matching clothes. Don't have a clue.