I knew that I was not likeable. I knew that if people knew that this Bad Thing had happened to me that they would hate me the way I hated myself. Throughout high school and into college I kept silent, afraid of close contact with male peers, terrified that my horrible secret would be revealed and that everyone would know. In my twenties I kept away from children, afraid that somehow I would become the monstrous thing of which I was so terrified. After reading many books on the subject and listening to the stories of other survivors I began to realize that the abuse was in no way my doing.
Sexual abuse is an act of power.
Victims of sexual abuse have their power stripped from them. Recovery from the abuse I endured as a child has been a long process for me, but I am grateful in hearing the stories of others that I did not suffer some of the things they suffered. My abuser was not a family member. My abuser was not violent. There was no physical record of my abuse.