The power of autonomy means they are in charge of themselves and what happens to them. They do not try to control or dominate others but they work out differences with others in a process of talking and listening with mutual respect. Perpetrators have the power of domination. This is power that comes from dominating and intimidating other people. It is not a very nice power as it does not allow others to be healthy and whole, but it does work.
Victims have little power.
The abuse was done because of the perpetrator's own psychological pattern and what he was feeling at the moment. Sometimes an attack is triggered by the victim doing something huge, like having an affair. But sometimes it is triggered by something small, like burning the toast. My husband Bob is a counselor who worked with groups of men who were court-ordered for domestic violence. To his surprise, the client told him exactly how long.