Turn the decision over to someone else, and they control the outcome. It is ironic that at a time when a relationship is coming apart, coming together is needed. However, decisions need to be made, and the only question is who will make them. When you make decisions yourself, you control the outcome. When you turn the decision over to someone else, that person controls the outcome.
Spouses can control the outcome if they design it together.
Fairness You are most likely to feel the divorce settlement is fair, if you design it yourselves. Everyone has their own version of fairness. If you need to feel that you were treated fairly in your divorce, you need to limit the number of decision makers as much as possible. If you and your spouse are the only decision makers, then there are only two measures of fairness to meet. Each decision maker you add diminishes the likelihood that you will feel the divorce is fair.