I know they thought they were helping me, but this is the only question left floating in my mind, making me wonder why I go on. I want to believe that I can repent of that sin just as I can repent of any other, and receive forgiveness through Christ. They tell me I'm not condemned because a person can't control their thoughts. I know that isn't true. I'm very confused about this.
Suicide is a sin.
Thoughts of despair which fail to trust in God are sin. Not every sin, however, destroys faith. Some sins are sins of weakness. Suicide may well be an expression of unbelief and despair as it was in the cases of Judas and Saul. In other cases suicide might be a result of a sin of weakness or of mental disorder, which at least in part has physical causes.