When I announced the tonight's topic, I received an email from a lesbian couple who essentially said it's difficult to have a committed relationship when the law won't let you have one, ie, no marriage certificate. I'm wondering what your answer to that would be and what suggestions you have to deal with that. There are a lot of ways to deal with internalized homophobia. Having a good gay support network to talk with is important. Then, of course, you may decide to live in a community which is homosexual friendly.
Therapy can be really helpful for some people.
Coming out publicly may be a way of facing your fear. There are a lot of reasons for this in both straight and lesbian couples, and those are often dealt with in-family therapy. I recommend that you talk with a qualified Imago therapist if you really want to understand this stuff, but the book is written for the layman. It's really two questions. I think it's always helpful to work with a therapist when someone is not sure of their sexual orientation.