He is to love his wife as Christ did the church. Christ loved the church, protected, served and was willing to die for her. As the head, the husband is to love unconditionally. Many of our problems in today's marriages are due to the lack of leadership in our homes. When we get out of the divine order for marriage, the problems arise.
Wives usually have no problem submitting when they are able to respect and trust their husbands.
If the husband is putting his own needs above his wife's or is controlling, she is not able to function in her own role as wife and mother. Many times this leads to divorce. It is imperative that the two function as a single unit. If you are struggling in marriage in the role He created for you, then you are not loving and obeying God. If you choose to harden your heart, you do so with the risk of destroying the relationship.