I can't fix that. If you needed love at a crucial moment in childhood and didn't get it, you can't go back and get it now. But I can tell you that the further a man goes into his grief, the more male he becomes. Every time you touch your pain, in grief or in rage, you'll get stronger. It is THIS strength that children need from their fathers.
Women have every right to express themselves in ways other than mothering.
An aversion to mothering is, however, both common and significant. This isn't so much a comment on mothering as it is upon the isolation women feel from themselves - their deep struggle to know what it is to be uniquely woman. We know what we have TOLD women are, yet we have a sense that we can't possibly be that, that there is more to us. We can't know at all. We cannot even begin to imagine what this woman would be like, because first we are presently stripping down the negatives that have always been said about women and, second, we must undo the effort we make to imitate men in order to have a self or social power.