This is really interesting to me. I just gave someone advice on this kind of problem yesterday. Actually it was me giving advice to myself on Yom Kippur. I was thinking about the disagreements I've had with people I like who are really well intentioned. My advice was to look inward.
Strong reactions come from within.
I know I learned something yesterday. By the way, I feel this way about XTC's lyrics now. They approach the world from a smug point of view that says that world is essentially cruel and meaningless except for feelings. And out of that view comes lyrics that just make my blood boil and my skin prickle. And we know that my reaction is not because XTC is wrong, it's that I find my own world view threatened, as it is based on exactly the opposite point of view.