This post is just an illusion- or maybe an unconscious slap at myself for having no other place to dump these ramblings. I've been keeping up with you folks over in that list- and slowly something has settled into my bones. People are complicated. Moody, irritable, giving, self sacrificing, loving, game playing, self righteous, friendly and back stabbing, martyrs and saints. In other words, human.
Words spoken or written are misunderstood.
People chose unhappiness or joy. Here I am simply the sum of the letters strung together. Look, there is me after the birth of my child- hating my seeming bondage to a man who never knew me, or me using my sexuality to reassure myself that I am special, or me rising above the horror of the abuse to smile benignly at the unseeing neighbors. There is me as a teenager- doing anything to get attention, or me as the competent career woman, or me as the hippy chick or the zen goddess or the lady madonna. But to cross that threshold and reach out just invites pain.