Although the unpleasant consequences are generally predictable, such life-long suffering may come as a surprise. A solution format is to first identify goals, and then resolve objections and conflicts. Explore early family relationships and recognise the consequences of those relationships. Then dissolve any transferences. As the conditions of early relationships become conscious, a person can learn to accept love, while refusing unwanted expressions of love.
Unpleasant emotions can transform into vitality and motivation.
Then appropriate role models can be chosen for creating a future in which the goals are realised. This article has been called a 'cold shower'. But it is also a checklist as well as a wake-up call. This and similar situations are common. If you think this article worth reading please distribute it, with my copyright and contact details.