And I guarantee that after killing a bunch of archaeologists or whatever, a mummy is more than happy to go to the nearest saloon and shoot some stick with the fellas. That's just his way. To be honest, part of my disdain for vampires and affiliation with mummies revolves around some personal problems I have. Now before you vampire lovers go getting your capes all in a bunch, let me point out a few things. Vampires are obviously a ploy by the socio-economically elite in this country to subdue the working class.
Vampires are the beautiful people.
They're the Todds and Muffys that laughed at you in high school. That's us, the working man. Well, for one thing, if you had any class or taste, you wouldn't be reading this magazine. That's why it's important we eliminate America's obsession with these pointy-toothed bastards. Sure, maybe now vampires are chic, but their day will come.