Some people quit jobs they've always hated, she said. Others leave bad relationships. Others travel while they can. That kind of growth in the face of adversity, whether one considers it heroic or not, is never easy, cautioned Dr. Jimmie Holland, chairman of psychiatry and behavioral science at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York. Initially, the big problem may be learning to live with the uncertainty about how disabled you may become and whether your life expectancy will be shortened.
Some people can throw their energies into beating their disease and returning to normal activities.
But others can't beat the disease, no matter how hard they try. Many people can do this on their own, she said, but many also find it helpful to join support groups or see individual counselors. Ultimately, Holland said, the task is to make meaning in the face of disability or imminent death, to reassess what's still important and what you can still do, when your old goals and dreams can no longer be met. Like Kingsbury, Holland saidshe believes one key to this meaning is not to let the illness define you. Other people can help buttress this outlook by not treating you as if illness were the essence of your being and by continuing to talk to you about the things you've always been interested in.