When you are in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder, it is very common to be in a nearly constant state of hyper-vigilance around that person. You may feel that if you can just get it right the relationship will be okay once again. These self-blaming attitudes are often vigorously reinforced by the BP in your life. We have all seen the nature shows on television where the prairie dog regularly pokes his head up out of the hole to keep watch for coyotes or eagles.
Vigilance can be a good thing, particularly when one is in real danger.
However, if we feel we must continuously poke our heads out of the hole in our closest relationships, we may not be able to regularly give ourselves the rest that is necessary to maintaining our physical and mental health. Maintaining this hyper-vigilant state over a long period of time leads to very high levels of stress. Nor will your own needs for nurturing, companionship and personal growth be met. Because your attentions are so focused on your BPs emotions, your own may narrow down to nearly nothing. You may find that you are so controlled by your BP s reactions to your behaviors, thoughts and actions, that you choose to unduly limit your choices.