It is crucial to find ways to separate your sexuality and sex from sexual abuse, and to create an entirely new association with sex - one that is positive, safe, and fun. You may need to discover your own sexuality - what it means to you, what you enjoy, and what gives you pleasure. It helps to develop a sexual relationship with yourself including self-pleasuring and discovering how you like to talk, move, dance, or interact with others when you're in touch with your sexual feelings. You may want to fantasize or read about sex, view erotica,and talk about sex with your friends or partner. If you have a partner try to be playful about sex - cuddle, massage each other, talk about fantasies, and ask for what you want sexually.
Sex can be playful, fun, and safe.
On the flip side, when a survivor has been abused by a member of the other sex and the survivor identifies as gay, it's assumed that that, too, is the result of abuse. Many heterosexual survivors also struggle with questions about their sexuality because of the confusion and negative associations about sex that are created by sexual abuse. It might help to try and remember if you had any sense of your sexual desires prior to the abuse. If you can't remember or you were abused very young, you may need to start paying attention to who you are attracted to now, who you feel most comfortable with emotionally and sexually, and who you fantasize about. You may need to see or read about positive images of lesbian, gay, bisexual, or heterosexual sex to help you discover what feels right for you.