The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. We are pleased to inform you and yours that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed.
Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole.
Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way not from the cold, but from substance abuse. As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance. The Two Turtle Doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned.