After the honeymoon phase of the relationship, conflict comes up when there are noticeable difference in values of the couple. Part of the problem is often due to unrealistic expectations for the relationship. It is a sad fact that Americans have set up such high standards for their relationships. In our society, some people expect to get all of their emotional needs met within the relationship. The unrealistic expectation that one's partner meet every need for intimacy is wrecking many marriages.
Spiritual people seem to have even higher expectations than others.
With rising expectations for the partner lies the danger for lack of personal happiness and longevity of the relationship. High expectations and focus on the partner's weaknesses rather than their strengths result in personal unhappiness and a threat to the relationship. Demand for change of the partner comes from what Virginia Satir called The Big Game of Life which is I have the right to tell you what to do. Couples who play The Big Game polarize their demands. Each sits on an opposite pole caught in their own pain and shout at each other demanding change but ending up in locked up positions.