Telling a wife to be submissive instead of loving her is likely to increase her insecurities. Life works well when women follow these instructions. Which increases a husbands insecurities. I don't think scriptures tells us these things to give us a hard time. I think scriptures give us clues about how to help our spouses with typical insecurities and needs.
Wives tend to be insecure about being loved.
Husbands tend to be insecure about being competent and in charge. When wives are a husbands best cheerleader and validator, husbands blossom. Sadly, we tend to get this backwards. Husbands find lovemaking affirming. Wives tend to find being loved affirming.