But most religions and cultural traditions have practices and ceremonies that help people deal with their grief and separation, while encouraging positive thoughts about the one who has died. In the Jewish tradition, for example, mourners tear a garment as a sign of grief. In ancient times, people tore whatever clothing they were wearing, he said. Afterward, they sewed up the rip but kept it as a visible reminder of the deceased. Today, many people wear an old shirt, tie or scarf to the funeral, specifically to be torn.
Some people even wear a piece of black ribbon and cut it to symbolize a torn garment.
People need to remember the meaning of a tradition and not just do it without thinking, Rosenbaum said. Many Jewish traditions are intended to emphasize the reality of death, he said. To remind us that the person will no longer be with us in this life, but we have to pick up the pieces and go on. Other cultures have their own traditions to help mourners accept the fact of death. For example, many members of the Omaha Tribe of Nebraska take turns shoveling dirt into the grave rather than leaving it for cemetery employees, and family members encourage children to walk over the covered grave.