The point is that the original version said something, contained useful information, and therefore was worth preparing. By trying to be simple and informal, the revision lost sight of the message to be transmitted. Another so-called good writing tip that disturbs me is the suggestion that we should write the way we speak. If many of us were to write the same way we speak, the written word would constitute a new Tower of Babel. Speakers use mannerisms, tone, body language, inflection, and other devices to help convey the message.
Writers function in a sterile environment.
The two modes of communication are distinctly different. These 10 rules may help you. And concentrate on the subject when you write. The Heretic's Guide to Better Air Force Writing 1. Pick up the telephone or walk downthe hall.