If we perform poorly, we feel guilty. We become powerless over their poor performance. If others react in a positive manner, we feel positive. If others act in a negative way, we feel hurt and angry. We become controlled by the actions of others.
Some people never learn how to deal with stress because they try to avoid stressful situations.
I have been in a dog training class. Because my dog is very friendly and thinks all dogs love her, she would get out of control when she saw other dogs. In the past, I would get upset if other dogs were around. The trainer pointed out, however, that the best time to teach her was when there was an outside disturbance. Trying to learn these principles when there is no disturbance is ineffective.