You need to find someone who you can trust and talk about it. That person needs to be mature, compassionate and capable of listening to what you have to say in depth. Share the shame and pain. Take the risk of exposing yourself and the dark uncomfortable secret that plagues you. If you have significant toxic shame you will need the help of a professional.
Shame is a tricky issue and can be difficult to work with because it is so hard to confront.
Your shame was created by the actions and attitudes of significant others. It also must be healed through the compassionate care and action of a significant other. The trouble with toxic shame is that it does not go away with time. It remains at the core of our identity and frustrates our efforts to heal and grow. However, the good news is that toxic shame can be healed and you can be released from its life-constricting power.