It is by virtue of those systems that differences of sex and generation can be acknowledged. The expectations of the paedophile and those of the child are not the same. Even when the children may sometimes appear consenting, if not indeed provocative, they are actually seeking attention and affection. The paedophile responds with an adult sexuality which children are not equipped to understand or cope with as an adult does, and which can only be traumatic for them. As we have said, incest is the most traumatic form of sexual abuse for children.
Sexual abuse arouses feelings of shame and humiliation in children.
They feel dispossessed of their selves and their bodies. The hatred the child feels for the molester, when it cannot find expression, may also be turned into self-hatred. We should add here that boys are more deeply wounded in their sexual identity than girls. Children may be frightened of denouncing a molester, especially where that person is a family friend. They may be afraid of the consequences of doing so, or fear not being believed or listened to.