Dear Doctor T R uth, I am a 27 year old and engaged for the first time. He is a wonderful man, but sometimes I wonder if he has room for me in his life. Because you chose a man with three children, you may have sensed from the beginning his involvement and love for them, but perhaps during your courtship period, you denied the reality of this man's prior family obligations and how seriously he takes them. He is, it seems, being a loving and responsible parent and is giving to his children what you would wish for him to give to your own. Now that dealing with his first family has become a reality for you, you are questioning how much emotional energy will be left to begin life with a new partner.
Unresolved issues tend to resurface unless worked through on the emotional level.
These situations can and do work but require monumental sensitivity and a relatively long adjustment period for all concerned. Keep the lines of communication open and above all, be very patient. Remember that this is a huge change for all concerned and don't expect yourself to love the whole package right off the bat. This helps enormously to keep expectations and feelings manageable. With forethought and understanding, this can be a successful marriage.