It can't be done. In the midst of my worrying, though, I had a brainstorm. It occurred to me that if I was operating on only one side of my brain, then that meant that I'm totally absolved of a full one-half of all my actions. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. It's what all men have wanted all their lives- a license to do stupid things without the responsibility for having done them.
Science is suddenly a wonderful thing.
Why no, I wasn't thinking at all. And because I have only half a brain, it's the perfect, ironclad defense. I can't be blamed for my behavior because I have a documented 50 percent brain deficiency. From now on, I can get away with murder. As you can well imagine, my wife is a little suspicious of this whole business.