Many of you are no doubt familiar with the related adoption-specific research of Dr. David Brodzinsky. If you haven't read these things, you simply must. They should be required reading for all of us-both parents and professionals. In examining sibling relationships, this research tells us that adults' expectations for their children's sibling relationships reflect many years of personal experience and education, adding to their expectations layers of genetic as well as emotional meaning. But the research also indicates that for young children, family relationships are purely social in nature.
Young children think in concrete terms.
But not siblings. Even in the most open adoptions, feelings about birth mother and birth father are not the same as feelings about Mommy and Daddy and do not encompass the societal expectations for feelings about and relationships with mothers and fathers. It is mostly the limitations of language which create confusion. As children mature, they will become better able to make sense of connections that are not just social and will be more interested in the distinctions. We know, for example, that during adolescence, many adopted people begin to feel intensely interested in the concept of genetic connection and what it might mean for them.