Disembarking at Lee Harvey Oswald International Airport, your first step is to secure a porter to retrieve your luggage. Do not be alarmed by the condition of your cases. The baggage handlers are too apathetic to actually steal anything, although items of feminine apparel may appear strangely rumpled and stained. White sports socks and silk ties also seem to excite them unduly and are probably best discarded. For those fortunate enough to have an American on their flight, the ritual cavity search is worth catching.
Tickets are available at the information desk.
The pimps in the airport foyer are a must-see for dermatologists. They tend to congregate underneath Vorgakoff's compelling mural , The Great Goat Winston Churchill Exacting Pleasure From A Troop of Girl Guides . This work dates from a brief period of Anglo-Vulgarian detente and was intended as a tribute. The only place to stay in Vulgaria,' boasts the promotional literature for the Hotel Krass , and in a very literal sense this is true. Even the most jaded world traveller will be taken aback as he approaches the entrance to the Hotel Krass.