In fact, the only differences between BYU Homecoming and a high school prom are that at BYU Homecoming, the guys don't rent tuxedos, and no one gets drunk and has sex afterwards. The only thing worse than not going to Homecoming because you can't afford it is going to Homecoming anyway, despite the fact that you can't afford it. This was my personal situation, and I would like to stress, for the benefit of my readers who happen to have been my date, Michelle, that I had a splendid time and the whole evening was well worth the thousands of dollars it cost me, and I'd do it all again in a minute, provided I had just won the lottery and was crazy. You go to dinner, you go to a dance, maybe you go hang around somewhere afterwards, and you go home. There's really not much point to all the hoopla and ceremony surrounding it, except that women tend to enjoy hoopla and ceremony, and it's women who run the show when it comes to dating.
Women are the chief perpetuators of hoopla and ceremony.
But as things stand now, there is a lot of hoopla and ceremony surrounding homecoming, and I succumbed to it, and while I'd love to tell you all about it, I seem to have run out of space. I don't have much to say about this column. Be sure to read the sequel, though, where I said something that elicited a marvelous response. This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.