Email them exactly as you would somebody else. On a more practical note, wizvax seems to have a shorter lag time and is more specifically devoted to asb than penet. There is also a FAQ on the wizvax server posted once weekly. No way this is a complete list. All these groups have their own FAQs and traditions, and what is written here may not apply.
Temporal distribution is spotty.
This is not a discussion list. Oftentimes people will use these words in ways that have nothing to do with what I wrote down, and the vast majority of BDSM people don't know anything about some of these terms at all. Consult your local scene for how people speak. Note that this says nothing about the sex of the one doing the loving. One who orients towards males and females.