All I have are vague dreams and feelings of discontent - if I had a realistic idea of the goals I seek and how to achieve them, I could get on with it and perhaps settle down a bit. We have to decide on a career path when very young. Many of us spend time or thoughts hankering after an alternative. Sometimes it is just a comforting thought when things don't go well or are boring in our careers. Sometimes it is an unrealised dream.
Writers often talk about the long hours they put in writing, before going to their day job.
It sounds like you had status, money and challenging work. You have more than 30 years before retirement. Many people turn dreams into reality by making them concrete and achievable goals. Then they pursue them hard, often starting at the bottom. Visualise specifically where you want to be, see it happening and move heaven and earth to get there.