Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire. Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
Sand is alive.
Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty. The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be. Golf should be given up at least twice per month.