I was once scathingly rebuked by a librarian where I talked for walking by her counter on the way to the staff mail boxes almost everyday, and never saying boo, never signifying that I cared less about her. Her rebuke profoundly affected my life from thence forth. In our caring for those around us we move beyond small talk and chit chat. We ask personal questions. Nothing is wrong with small talk.
Small talk builds bridges.
Small talk is part of sharing and relating common human experiences. But small talk can also be a barrier, a fence, a buffer, a defense, and we need to find ways to break through the barrier. Often times personal questions are irritating, but other times they are disarming and are like a key to a person's heart. Often when we ask sincere personal questions we don't get answers, but tears. When people share difficult things with us we listen carefully, trying hard to understand, patiently withholding pat advise and trite Christian formulas.