Not to minimize the sometimes obsessive behavior of people in transition, I hardly think it is their own pathology that unconsciously chooses these marriage partners. It is assumed, in their homophobia and ignorance, that women involved in lesbian relationships would be more satisfied being involved with a man. There is very little hope given in the literature, that a relationship with a gender variant partner could be functioning or fulfilling or god forbid, erotic. It seems obvious that marital therapy is bound to fail if its success is based on cessation of cross-dressing behavior. Cross-dressers are afraid of being found out, and live secret and closeted lives.
Young people live in terror anticipating their parents' judgments.
Parents wait until children are grown before self-disclosing. And spouses, both heterosexual and homosexual, try endless ways to suppress, repress, deny, avoid, the pressing issues around gender in order to preserve their marriages. I had to tell him that I had no secret cure, that he didn't have disease, he just had a part of himself that wanted to finally see the light of day. His greatest fear was losing his wife and custody of his children. I then saw an adolescent male, dressed and living as a female, who had been given diagnoses, therapeutic interventions and medications to cure her gender dysphoria since early childhood, all of course unsuccessful.