Nothing in this column is meant to be taken seriously, it is meant to be humorous. If you believe that you will be offended by this column please don't read it, and if you feel offended by it after you read it then you have my sincerest apologies.
People say the dog is a man's best friend.
Nadda, zilch, squat. The dog has a free ride. You see what people really need is someone who can help out around the house, make sandwiches when you are hungry, go shopping, iron clothes. If you are not married then you need to get a midget. A midget has many, many, many uses.