Unobtrusive carbon monoxide fumes pumped directly into back seats afford me a deep, relaxing nap. Noon Arrive at race site. Teammate wakes me by gently dropping her race bag on my skull. Apparently they don't realize that they could be inside watching the tape delayed version of the race on TV in which the fine intricacies of the five-hour race are perfectly captured by three minutes of condensed coverage. Begin warming up by taking a nap on the pavement by the van.
Riders take off from start, looking forward to the day's advertised flat stage.
Begin climbing vertical cliff not described in detailed race bible. Close post-race inspection of bible reveals a dark fleck, which corresponds to the mountain pass. Pass a group of fans drinking beer. Think about stopping to join them. Remember that although I am just about stopped as it is, I don't particularly like their beer brand of choice.