They may become more intense in the risk taking and rebellion that is normal at this age - shoplifting, using drugs, becoming sexually active, skipping school, etc. Preteens and adolescents may become depressed or withdrawn, or may threaten suicide. They may behave much better, not worse, feeling that if their behavior improves they can save their parents' marriage. Preteens and adolescents may find their sense of independence disrupted. They may be afraid to separate from their parents or feel a strong need to align with one parent.
Parents can give their children time to discuss their feelings.
They can suggest positive ways to handle feelings. If children have difficulty talking with their parents, encourage them to confide in another trusted adult such as a relative, family friend, teacher, or guidance counselor. They can follow established routines as much as possible. They can emphasize that although the family may be changing, children must continue to show respect for both parents, must follow house rules, must do their best in school, etc. Parents can resist the urge to use their children as replacements for their missing spouse.