It ain't easy, which is part of why a limited pool of people are even willing to consider running for public office. But leaders have to learn to become better as a result of it - either in spite of it, or because of it. A healthy democracy seems to require getting your feelings hurt. Unfortunately, you really can't tell simply from an outward expression of feeling whether or not any further changes should be required. That requires looking at the design of the system, not the style of any particular official.
People working inside the system are often ill-equipped to see the flaws in it.
This is the inherent design of a civically-controlled democracy. The healthiest systems are those where civilians are empowered to influence policy as much as professionals. Carl Guardino, Executive Director of the Silicon Valley Manufacturer's Group, shared his business wisdom about how to approach success in dealing with growth and maintaining your quality of life. Silicon Valley has had to deal with exactly the same growth pressure as we are facing, and is much further along the curve. You need regular private citizens.