Arrest Mel Gibson for treason. Learn to play rugby. Enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train waitresses to be more aggressive with customers and not to tell you their names before you eat. July 4th is no longer a National holiday, this has been replaced with November 5th.
Thanksgiving is a nonstarter.
All members of this British Crown Dependency will be required to take 6 weeks annual vacation and observe statutory tea breaks. Driving on the left is now compulsory - recall all cars to effect the change immediately. Have Meg Ryan report to Prince Andrew's bedchamber. Add the Royal insignia to the top of the Washington Monument - and the Queens Christmas speeches to the Lincoln Memorial. Stop referring to the World Series of Baseball and instead call it the National Series of USA, Cuba and Japan.