It is my experience that it is largely the woman who gathers the necessary information, confers with others, and ultimately makes the decision that will be confirmed by her partner. As a resident I was asked to speak to medical students about doing it all. I did several workshops about balancing roles until I realized that even in the 1990s only women were attending these workshops. This is not to say that men don t help. The italics betray the differing meanings of parenting for each gender.
Men help women with their job of caring for children and home.
Men, in general, do not see those activities as their primary role. Similarly, when a man makes a meal, picks up children, or otherwise does women s work, he is appreciated. A woman is simply performing an expected function. In the professional arena, a woman who leaves a meeting early to pick up children is often perceived as less committed to her work. A man who leaves to pick up children is perceived as a good father, a 90s man.