For real interpersonal trust to happen, self disclosure is key. In the same way an iceberg is indicative of massive substances hidden beneath the surface, so to the external conflict is always only the symptomatic evidence of a much deeper rooted problem. In order for trust to be constructed, the sub-surface issues need to be addressed individually and in an environment where each party s agenda is given voice. Through this pragmatic strategy, a space is created where precedence may be set which invoke a level of trust at every resolved milestone. A neutral third party or mediator may be called in to implement these guidelines and diffuse power relationships often detrimental to this process.
Mediators often apply a no interruption policy during meetings to insure equal representation.
They also suggest that individuals use I statements to avoid the blaming and de-humanization of the other. Once each party has agreed to the guidelines set forth by the mediator, they will then be able to begin to examine their own Iceberg, i.e., discovering their own interests, obstacles, perceptions, needs, values, wounds, beliefs, physical safety, fears, pain, anger, hopes, and assumptions. It is essential to the trust-building process that the real issues of the conflict come to light and can be constructively addressed. Undoubtedly , there will be intense anger, resentment, mistrust and blame which come to light. After this has been expressed, the real issues behind the conflict will begin to reveal themselves and action can be taken henceforth to make concrete steps towards reconciliation.