He shows all the signs of being a habitual abuser. All abusers are nice between the abusive episodes. That's why women stay. They're hoping for more of the good times, and the good part of the man that they know is inside there somewhere. However, every time they get close enough to get the good part, they get the abuse too.
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
Verbal abuse can destroy your inner self, leaving you depressed and unable to cope with either him or life. If he was that way from the day you met him, believe me, he's not going to change now or in the future, not without lots of work on the problem. If your counselor told you that you provoked your husband's abuse, get rid of the counselor along with the husband. Your job is not to calm an angry, abusive man. Your job is to get away from him so that he can't hurt you anymore.