You must make that choice. If you don't make a choice to get well you won't get well. Know that you are not alone. You are NOT alone. Many people know your pain from the inside and the others side.
People do care.
Stop believing that you have to BE what you feel. You can learn to be age-appropriate even while experiences very young hurt once you validate yourself and you pain. Stop abandoning your inner-child. Much about being borderine has to do with various levels or amounts of dissociation. You must integrate your reality and validate it yourself in order to grow comfortable with it and in order to be able to trust it and feel safe with it.