Hopefully, the children feel free to ask them. Some do not, fearing that any expressed negativity will alienate their father. Some children say they are embarrassed by any changes in their gay parent's appearance, dress, or interactions with gay friends or a partner. Many fear their father will be infected by the AIDS virus. When children are encouraged to talk about such worries, the hurtful events become a source of learning as the gay father and straight mother explain that name-calling stems from ignorance.
Parents can also give children tools to handle future problems.
Keeping children's possible reactions in mind, a gay father can come out to his children with honesty and love, confident that they will at some point accept him in his new identity. This means assuring the children that his relationship with them will not change, that he and their mother both love them, that they will lose neither parent because of this, and that both parents are there to answer questions and help them deal with whatever concerns come up. Some children take months to accept the disclosure. If for example, the father leaves the household to live alone or with a partner, one or more children may be reluctant to visit him. Let them ask all the questions they want.