Our parents fought the Nazis for our right to be catatonically bored by the Olympics, to be stultified to the point of inertia, to dream that we lived in Liechtenstein, where the Olympics are no more interesting than the glove compartment of your Uncle Leo's late-model Kia. For those of you who happen to enjoy the Olympics and all it lies about standing for, you may move on. We do not wish to change your minds. We defend your right to choose. Let a thousand flowers bloom.
Power comes from the barrel of a remote.
But while you're off wishing our guy beats that poor Belgian to talc in the first round of the Greco-Roman quilting competition, or that all the Russians, Ukrainians, Moldovans, Estonians, Latvians, Lithuanians, Belarussians, Kazakhs, Tadzhiks, Turkmens, Kyrgyz and Uzbeks were still just Soviets you could hate indiscriminately, we agnostics will be fine. No, we'll have baseball and the pennant races. We'll have the NFL and the beginning of the college season. We'll have more than we know what to do with, and we'll do great. You see, the Olympics this time are being overkilled for us in September, when the sporting schedule is at its most hectic.