But none of these is the real test, because while you are doing them you have plenty of people around and lunch in a cooler. The real test comes when you go solo. The strangers put you out all by yourself in the middle of nowhere and wish you luck for the next 24 hours. That is when you find out who you are. That is when you find out what you really miss and what you are really afraid of.
Some people dream about their favorite food.
Some long for a safe room with a door to lock and others just wish they had a pillow, but they all find out what their pacifiers are the habits, substances or surroundings they use to comfort themselves, to block out pain and fear. Without those things they are suddenly exposed, like someone addicted to painkillers whose prescription has just run out. It is hard. It is awful. It is necessary, to encounter the world without anesthesia, to find out what life is like with no comfort but God.