The ubiquitous image of the housewife at the breakfast table talking to her husband who has his head buried in the newspaper comes to mind. Tannen notes that men are confused by the various ways women use conversation to be intimate with others. I tell you my troubles, you tell me your troubles, and we're close. Men, however, hear troubles talk as a request for advice, so they respond with a solution. When a man offers this kind of information the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off.
Men misunderstand the ritual nature of women's complaining.
She seeks to have her man respond as her girlfriends have always done, and talk with her about his concerns. The man, however, hears these conversations as requests for advice, not intimacy. He considers the problem and offers a solution, or dismisses the issue, as the boys he knew always did. The woman begins to feel that her man doesn't care about her because he won't talk to her in a way that feels intimate. It is important for women to understand that men's communicating is all about status.