Unable to punish the real culprits, we gang upon our inadequate selves. I made millions and deliberately ruined my businesses many times in 20 years. I want to read and write and learn. I HATE business. I am numb and dumb as usual.
Narcissism is a defense mechanism.
An integral and important part of it is the ability not to feel anything. Moreover, by now you surely know all this. So, you must be doing this on purpose. You are nefarious and pernicious. You are a cunning, malevolent housewife who tries to reduce him to your default option of incompetence, inaptitude and inadequacy.