Also, you're not going to be as naive as you once were, and you won't ignore the signs you overlooked the first time. When you've rebuilt trust, your communication is much more intimate, and that in itself helps you feel more secure. Intimate communication has to do with sharing not just the upbeat things but also sharing who you really are, including the things you're uncomfortable with about yourself. So both of you have a lot more information at a much deeper level about the other. That is not true.
People really can rebuild a monogamous relationship.
People who do the work of rebuilding usually come out with a much better marriage than they had before. It's when they don't do the work of rebuilding that there's a risk of getting into another affair. I can't stress enough how important it is to do the work of rebuilding and not sweeping stuff under the rug. You both paid dearly for the affair, so use this opportunity to make something good come out of it. Thanks for sending in so many great questions, and thanks to Emily Brown for being here to answer them.