So, even if I don't hope enough today, may I trust in others best interest in mind. For not only docs ultimate wisdom penetrate the plentitude of people placed in my life today, they are the ones God reminds to pray. And, I shall continue trusting them for the miracles they speak in knowledge that hope is good-not only for the goals they reap, but for the purity of trust they teach as well. I try to sleep, but I am awoken by the pain-it has gripped my back and head like a vise aimed to maim. I try and write to release the fear, but only the pain pills seem to undo this undeniable despair.
Tears finally come as muscles have begun to relax.
I'm not even sure of what to say. You would think I would be happy being done with treatment, once again. But all that comes to mind are the losses I've incurred throughout these last six months of mine. I feel left to wait until the ominous cancer reoccurs. I wish I could say I knew what I was doing, that I knew how to handle my life from here.