No one will judge it, and it is a great outlet for expressing feelings. Don't let the scale run your life. Remember the numbers on a scale are not a value judgment on your self-worth. Give the scale away. Dispute the concept of a cultural ideal of beauty as being unrealistic.
People come in all shapes and sizes.
The concept of an ideal body is a form of prejudice, similar to racism. Seek professional help for guidance in your recovery. Help can be found from counsellors, psychologists, support groups, family doctors, and nutritionists, experienced in helping people recovering from eating disorders. Be kind to yourself. You can make changes.