The man and woman are living in two separate cultures, says Buchholz. These perceptions create major misunderstandings and severe disappointments later on, when neither is meeting the other's expectations. When Buchholz sees these people in therapy a few years after marriage, these disappointments will be at the heart of the discussion. He pushes this autonomy to the point where he cannot connect emotionally with her. This is especially true after the kids are born.
Men work even harder to be good providers.
Some of the fears about being dependent on women or being like women diminished once men valued and identified with women's nurturing roles. Women often enter marriage accepting the traditional wife and mothering role, without even realizing it. She does not expect her husband to be as connected to the children or to her. She assumes the entire responsibility for child care. And when men allow themselves to share the emotional burdens of a relationship, emotional intimacy is inevitable and paves the way for friendship, she says.