Build safeguards into your marriage. Which brings us to the tricky part. If the task of the Passion Marriage is to maintain a friendship in which the fiery connection can be sheltered without burning down the house, the work of the Friendship Marriage is to generate enough sexual heat to keep the marriage hot. By letting go of that early, narrow definition of passion the one fueled by novelty, distance, or uncertainty and replacing it with sexual satisfaction based on a heightened appreciation of your husband and your changing sexuality as a couple. Indeed, experts encourage couples to think of a drop in sexual passion less as something lost than as a natural change in their marriage, a next stage.
People think sex has to be spontaneous and natural rather than thought out and protected.
But it's like learning any new behavior. It feels artificial at first, but once the behaviors become more regular, the feelings follow. Deliberate behavior can turn out to have its own surprises. When I was single, I'd just close my eyes and trust the feeling to carry me away. With my husband, there's room for talk, for play and experimentation, for a bad mood or an off night.