The source of this confusion is the murky delineation between MY views and those of officialdom. I can refer you to the appropriate texts, if you wish. It looks as though it is not your wife that you love - but her narcissism. The excitement, the unpredictability, the capriciousness, the torment, the agony - she is a sole and exquisite provider of all these. You need not worry, she will never leave you for long.
Narcissists are sadists and inverted narcissists are both rare and the perfect match.
Ignore her problems - she is as much your instrument as you are hers. She is irrelevant, a symbol of your own imperfections. You are attracted precisely to your wife's ability to mimic a capricious, omnipotent, unpredictable and arbitrarily sadistic parent. Of course you do. I am NOT saying that you don't crave compassion and affection.