Those guys on the Olympic committee still refusing to make pie eating a medal sport. You get seriously winded just going to the fridge for that second beer. Still can't consistently beat your dad. Your training includes a dozen Dairy Queen Blizzards per day. You're down to a couple of packs a day, but just can't seem to quit.
Spandex only stretches so far.
You can't even win regular size fries at McDonald's. Mom insists you wear floaties for the 100-meter freestyle. Muscles ache after a vigorous game of foosball. Less than two weeks to go, and your butt is still glued to the couch. The only clapping you hear when you run is the sound of your thighs banging into one another.