The doors are never locked. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark. 4. The restroom is outside. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday. When it rains, everybody's smiling.
Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
The church directory doesn't have last names. The pastor wears boots. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.