On those days when I am more fatigued, I can tone down the exercise and open it up on days when my energy seems more boundless. Having someone I can talk to is also essential. I talk to my friends about the long-term impact of HIV on my life and when I feel overwhelmed by it all. I also have used and would use psychotherapy to find ways to cope, accept, problem solve or move beyond obstacles from AIDS or life in general. Talking to a professional helps me gain perspective and distance from the pain of fear or ill health.
Suicide seems extreme and, with the advances in treatment, unnecessary.
I realize that my ideas crystalized years ago, when the unknowns were greater and treatment not as successful. I also appreciate that believing I had that option reduced my fear. If the worst possible outcome seemed to be under my control, I reasoned other possibilities would pale in their overall impact, and managing them seemed within my reach. This strategy highlights another method I have of dealing with stress, one that comes both automatically and takes practice and diligence to use effectively. I've found the way I think affects the way I feel, so if I can alter the way I think about something that is stressful, I am able to change the way I feel about it.