The defensive aggressiveness of the self-aware inadequate is boundless, all the more so for fear of exposure. Read the academic journals of these pseudo-subjects and you will quickly realize that many of the authors can't write English well enough to get a job at a newspaper. Ask one what a subjunctive is. They're pretending to be professors, as children pretend to be Zorro. They have to erupt in pathetic foolishness so that no one will notice that they have nothing else to offer.
Penis gourds are the best answer, perhaps in colors.
We could issue them to instructors of nonsubjects, so that they could shock us, and then we could go back to having universities. I think fluorescent strawberry would be nice. All rights reserved. When the e-mail form appears, just click on send. No message or subject is necessary.