My business, now, having put my quarrel before the Lord, is to judge myself, not the other person, and to pray for help for us all. And it is remarkable how this whittles away judgement and how stilling it can be. A more advanced stage must be that spoken of by one of the Desert Fathers, a stage at which your opponent is not blamed in your heart because you yourself have accepted responsibility and blame in his place. In addition I tell you this, even if it is he who has sinned against you, go, settle it in your heart that it is you who has sinned against him and think your brother is right, then God will move him to reconcile himself with you. Rather it is an offering of peace so that there may be peace, as it is only with peace as a foundation that there can be mature discussion of differences.
Reconciliation is so essential for life.
Yes, indeed, we should seek pardon, all of us, from those that we are estranged from, however long ago the estrangement began, whatever its cause and whoever was in the right or wrong. That is irrelevant. What is relevant is that estrangement, bad feelings perpetuated, are a scandal in our midst and are forbidden. Therefore we must seek pardon so that no bad feelings are harbored in our hearts or allowed to nestle in the hearts of others. We have nothing to lose but face and, surely, that hardly counts.