Many adoptive families have learned early on that their child requires the use of many community resources. They may be struggling to get the necessary services from the schools, day care, social services and so forth. These parents may need a therapist who can be an advocate. Learning how to work with and through the systems may be the family s biggest need. When parents have dealt with a problem for a long time, and they do not seem to be making any progress, the need may be for a new target.
Parents can take only so much of the rage usually intended for birth parents.
At some point, if the child is not given the transference target of a therapist, the adoptive relationship suffers a burn out that may not ever be repaired. Yes, adoptive families need to understand and accept their child s anger and rage, but not the abuse. Before you reach the end of your rope, get some help. And do not be afraid to say that family therapy is not appropriate at this time. If you do not have the emotional energy to deal with your child s rage, that does not make you a bad parent.