I don't think I am overly nervous or distracted when I get together with these attractive men. I'd like to have as full an erotic experience with them as I can. It scares me to think that I am only going to be able to get erections when I'm with my lover or alone with my sexual fantasies. If you don't get hard in certain situations and do in others, that would be situational impotence. Not to sound like Dear Aunt Edna, but sex is not always the best way to get close.
Massage is often a better way, or any other form of nurturing.
Please help analyze. Your homework assignment is to buy or borrow Fiona Giles' Dick for a Day and read what many women writers, including me, have said about owning a penis. The fantasy is a common one. If you're really brave, buy a lifelike penis replica from any sex shop and incorporate it into your play-alone or with a partner. If this three-dimensional highlight of your fantasy adds to the proceedings, good.