In my experience it is the resistance that causes the most pain. Resistance is one of the ways we keep the old way of living in our lives. I think we do, because to grow means we must jump into the unknown, where we walk uncharted ground. It is fearful to lose our identity, even if we didn't particularly like it. At this time of year when the nights are the longest, we live in the darkness more, and perhaps that is why it is traditionally a time for setting new goals and committing to resolutions.
Wisdom traditions understand the dark night as a time of incredible opportunity.
We get lost, without familiar points of orientation and must stop and listen to our deepest longing. We also appear to resist being what we really are. We need to learn carefully and surely to permit ourselves to accept the fuller expression of the Mind that is within us. Against this there must be no resistance. For in Its creative flow through us rests our entire future the greater person we may be and the richer life we desire to enjoy.