In light of the factors listed above there are a number of specific steps which the parties to a mediation can make to increase the fairness of their agreement. Keep in mind that your partner's view of the world and perhaps of fairness differs from yours due to gender differences and unique life experiences. Disagreement and conflict are an inevitable and potentially constructive part of negotiation. Rarely are they reflections of ill will or bad faith. Separating couples sometime strive to maintain an unrealistically congenial relationship to protect themselves and their children from the intensity and rawness of their hurt and anger.
Mediation is conducted in the spirit of cooperation and mutual respect.
This includes the honest, non-abusive expression of anger and hurt. A mediator will encourage and help modulate expressions of strong feelings. Often such feelings, once acknowledged by the other spouse and the mediator, can be put aside for the course of the mediation even if they cannot be fully resolved. Any agreement which does not truly acknowledge the needs of both spouses ultimately diminishes each spouse. A mediator will encourage both spouses to express legitimate needs rather than focus exclusively on rights.