She located a Twin Cities therapist whose specialty was unavailable in her grandchild's community, and she purchased books about the disability that her daughter wanted but could not find. If we have other commitments, we won't. The first time I said 'No,' I was worried that my daughter would be upset, but instead she thanked me for my honesty. The daughter said she felt liberated because she learned her parents baby-sat because they wanted to and not out of sympathy. Another mother said she appreciated her in-laws arranging their schedules to babysit, because they knew it was difficult to find appropriate care for an infant with a disability.
Some grandparents go to medical and other appointments with their children and grandchild.
They bring moral support, plus an extra set of ears or hands. A grandmother said the appointments help her learn more about the disability. A parent said her in-laws' accompanying her to appointments meant her husband could remain at work. The grandparents fielded questions from relatives about a newborn's disability, said a mother. The relatives got factual information rather than gossip.