As discussed in chapter 9, once we start this kind of blaming or psychological labeling of the other person, the relationship is in deep trouble. Secondly, although we may complain later, bad-mouth them to others, and sulk, we are likely to stop saying something to our spouse about their disturbing behavior at the time it occurs. Seething silence doesn't help. Don't expect your partner to read your mind. If you don't talk about your feelings and thoughts, neither of you have a chance to correct the trouble-causing misunderstandings of the other.
Men tend to avoid discussing their relationships.
You must talk openly and calmly. Besides, ultimatums are resisted . Understanding the reasons, the meaning behind the demand for change, will facilitate change. People who understand each other accommodate each other better. Changes are needed in both spouses, not just one.