If we just didn't have to be equal and let those silly girls play their little games . . . The solution to this problem is rationally simple, even as it may, unfortunately, be legally tricky. The train station manager wants to bill the new owner an additional livestock fee. The owner protests that guinea pigs are not really pigs, not livestock. Well, Title IX, the federal legislation that mandates gender equality for sports in high school and college, is being scarred by the same simplistic obeisance to terminology.
Sports is sports.
In college, monster football is entertainment. It should be forcibly removed from every Department of Athletics and placed in its own Department of Amusement. Furthermore, there should be no association permitted between football and other collegiate sports, men's or women's. Football could then be administered by its own stand-alone budget and by its own rules. Of course the players should be paid.