The Top 10 Mistakes that Couples Often Make People enter into partnerships with optimism and good will. Partnerships often turn sour because ineffective patterns of relating become habitual and lead to a gradual withdrawal of esteem and caring for each other. Avoided conflict requires repression of anger, which leads to depression of feelings. A genuinely passionate partnership requires conflict, not terminal niceness or withdrawal. Avoid each other.
Occasional withdrawal is healthy.
Conflict, skillfully handled, is one of the keys to a great relationship. Conflict out of control is an excuse for physical, verbal, or psychological abuse. I coach people to take turns being angry, and when both partners are angry, take a time out. Criticism is usually a sign of that the criticizing partner has some personal development work to do. I coach that it is OK to complain, but not OK to criticize.