Applicants for Human Shield positions should have the ability to wave their fists at incoming warheads, and to bleed profusely and photogenically when appropriate. Willingness to chant anti-American slogans as the bombs arrive is a plus. In all the world, only citizens of Iraq now have the chance to spend their days and nights just steps from vast storehouses of anthrax, smallpox, botulinum toxin and nerve gas. Expertise in the production, storage or concealment of weapons of mass destruction is not required of Human Shields. They also serve who merely sit and wait.
Salary is negotiable.
Retirement benefits are irrelevant. Our exalted President is confident that all citizens will be eager to participate in this crucial endeavor. Government recruiters will soon be knocking on your door with additional incentives. The Government of Iraq is an Equal Opportunity Pariah. All rights reserved.