They laugh at it. Men in our groups often brag about how easily they can manipulate therapists, particularly ones not trained to work with violent, controlling abusers. The abuser is always responsible for the abuse. Only a therapy that confronts batterers with their responsibility works with them. Triggers include stuffing down anger for a long time, tiredness, drug or alcohol intoxication, arguments, anxiety, stress, work problems, and feelings of helplessness.
Narcisstic wounding is a trigger in a high percentage of incidents.
Batterers are attracted to situations that make self-defense necessary. We teach them to avoid such situations and to walk away from fights. They can no more use moderate force than an alcoholic can have one drink. Most come into our groups in thorough denial about being batterers. After several sessions, some of the denial, minimizing, and partner-blaming we've confronted is gone, and many of the men know why they are seen as dangerous criminals and feel remorse for what they've done and a sincere desire to change.