During the last two years we have been under stress from his unemployment. We never play, take time from work, or have sex anymore, even though I have told him how important it is to maintain some pleasure in our relationship. He has also neglected the small traditions, such as acknowledging birthdays and anniversaries, and I have let him know how hurtful this is to me. I am frightened for our marriage and have considered separation. Gayle Peterson, Ph.D. MSSW Gayle Peterson, MSSW, PhD is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development.
Marriage requires commitment and attention to another person.
However, unemployment can put tremendous stress on the couples' relationship, and feelings evoked by unemployment crisis need to be talked through so that your emotional connection does not suffer. Your husband's behavior may be masking a deeper depression. Neglecting the relationship in such a blatant manner causes serious damage to a marriage. Failing to celebrate birthdays or anniversaries borders on punitive behavior on his part. It is necessary for the viability of your marriage that he identify what the emotional meaning underlying his behavior is and speak directly to what is eating him.