They need to feel that their birth parents would certainly have kept them if they could have. But they should be told they have new parents now. It is very important for adopted children to know that they are where they are meant to be - that the first parents made a loving plan for them to be with their adoptive families forever. Although birth parents have their own reality, we do not want our children to worry that there are people out there who have a claim on them and may try to take them back. There are simple ways to clarify that you are the child's real parents now.
Some adoptive parents refer to the birth parents by their first names, if known.
There will be plenty of time later on to help curious older children get a clearer, more detailed understanding of their birth parents. Speak positively about adoption as one good way that children come to parents. Every adoption is a story of pain and loss, as well as a story of fulfillment and love. Thoughtful parents speak with pride of their adoption and the pleasure the child has brought them. At the same time, they need to be open to hearing, the child's concerns about having, been given up by the birth parents.