He likens developing our biological capacity for empathy to running a marathon, not a sprint. It takes time and practice. And we all lapse. One of the great opportunities in relationships, he believes, is having many chances. People who have experienced empathy can empathize, he assures us.
Research shows women and men both are empathetic, though it often is expressed quite differently.
Resist blame and the dark side of empathy, he cautions. Evil as well as good can result from being deeply tuned in to other people. Think Adolf Hitler. Most of us move too quickly to be able to capitalize on our innate ability to empathize. We judge people by appearances, fail to look inside to see the whole person.