If you cannot distinguish abusive from non-abusive actions, then no list or definition will be helpful to you because you will not be able to recognize abuse when you see it. Distinctions enable us to tell one thing from another. When you know your own house from your neighbor's, you can find your way home. When you can tell green from red, life is more colorful. But if you cannot distinguish green from red and you are coming to a traffic light, that can be dangerous, even life-threatening.
Some distinctions are that vital.
He recounted how first his father and then his step-father had beaten him time after time. His mother had to take him to the doctor for cuts and a head injury inflicted by the step-dad. Since then I have worked for several bosses who were much like my father. One boss viciously dressed me down at a staff meeting. His eye were wide and incredulous.