News reports on a daily basis abound with reports of new outbreaks and areas of contamination from a virus thought to have been under control.
Officials struggle to maintain calm and prevent panic.
Mad Hoo Disease, not to be confused with the outbreak of Heel in Mouth Disease, recently transferred from Indiana to North Carolina and confined to that state, has made a comeback in Virginia, with the prevailing number of cases seen in the Charlottesville area. The recurrence follows suppression of the Welshian-7 variant of Mad Hoo Disease, which afflicted mainly nasal cavities, causing a layered depth of material and preoccupation with seven wins and only removed through painstaking and painful picking of the nose. The Welshian-7 strain was eradicated after a Hollandization of the Virginia football program through a systematic treatment involving bowl losses, poor recruiting, message board griping, letter writing and the quarantining of fans to the parking lot during the Second Half of home losses. Medicine from an obscure tribe in New York was then brought in, but to the horror of officials, turned out to have contained coaches contaminated with a new algroh strain of the virus. Sufferers of Mad Hoo Disease often experience early psychiatric symptoms, most commonly depression over past defeats to Tech and anxiety over future ones, and occasionally a schizophrenia-like psychosis in which message board posters post to different boards under different names.