The more tense, fearful or lacking in confidence children are, the harder it is to learn. Two years later, she displayed so much self-deprecation that I reminded her ruefully of her old list. She had adult society taped. Luckily, she had kept her self-esteem intact, if hidden from everyone but herself. Not every child manages this feat.
Some children censor themselves so thoroughly, they forget who they really are.
I came across a startling example of this many years ago when I got to know a little girl of about nine or ten, who was severely undermined both at home and school because of her academic failure. Unconvinced about the judgements of stupidity and laziness heaped on her, I asked permission from her parents and school to explore what might be wrong. Very quickly it became clear that, when asked to spell a word, she anxiously wrote down a string of any letters whose shape she could remember. On Saturday afternoons, she rewarded my earnest efforts to teach her to read and write better by being a sparkling and conscientious pupil. I should have felt pleased at her rapid progress but somehow I always felt oddly sad after each lesson.