Real disagreements emerge for the first time as young people develop views of their own that are often not shared by their parents. As everybody knows, adolescents spend a lot of time in each other's company, or on the telephone to each other. Although this can be irritating to parents, it is an important way of gaining a sense of identity that is distinct from that of the family. These friendships are part of learning how to get on with other people. Clothes and appearance become very important, both as a way of expressing solidarity with friends, and as a way of declaring a growing independence from the family.
Parents often feel rejected, and in a sense they are.
But this apparent rejection is necessary for young people to become adults with their own identity. Rows and arguments may be frequent, yet adolescents will usually hold their parents in high regard. The rejections and conflicts are often not to do with parents' personalities but simply with the fact that they are parents, from whom their children must become increasingly independent if they are to have their own life. Striving to become more independent, young people want to try out new things, but often recognise that they have little experience to fall back on when under stress. Being upset or lacking confidence can make them feel childish, and so is often expressed in sulky behaviour rather than open distress.