You need to be able to focus and expand on shared needs. Realize that you need each other in order to solve conflicts. Meeting the other people's needs is just as important as your own. Once you start to do this you build shared positive power. This power comes from the combination of people's outlooks, ideas, convictions and actions.
Positive power encourages power with instead of power over.
This is where we start to build partnerships and all interests and energies are concentrated on finding a worthwhile solution. We sometimes try to learn too much from the past. While there are things we can learn from the past, we can also learn the mistakes of the past. So we need to look to the future. Don't dwell on past events and try to avoid repeating the mistakes.