We all do. We crash into the Atlantic Ocean, shattering, and I remember my mother's greatest fear and think that today it has been realized. My poor mother. When I was a newborn, while kissing my cheek, she suddenly felt the enormous weight of motherhood descend. The payment for such joy was to be the terrible risk of loss.
Mothers live with that.
She once told me that if anything ever happened to me she would want to be dead. Something has finally happened and she will never be the same again. I miss her already. The water is cold and thick. When I was nine years old, my mother gave me a gold chain.