But they cause great misery when these men get to church. Even when the parson suggests that men may loosen their ties, some will not, out of a desire to appear masculine and unmovable. The following will explain the cause of the problem. First, some churches are more than 100 years old and have pews that have never been refinished. The excessive heat softens the old varnish until it becomes a trap for an unsuspecting male pew-sitter.
Men arrive early, sit in a front pew and piously begin meditating.
Then the parson asks the congregation to rise and sing the opening hymn. At that point the varnish attacks the male's trousers like a million sticky fingers. As the men of the church rise, the ripping sounds reverberate throughout the church. Women and children are terrified as the cacophony echos from the arched ceilings to the tiled floors. Every man's face turns crimson with shame.