Law and Justice Local justice to be dispensed by moody loners with robot cars that can talk and jump over trains. The offer of free Indian dinners for off-duty policemen is to be extended to costumed vigilantes. Top ranking policemen will follow the example of American chiefs by banging their fists on their desks and giving their officers just 24 hours to solve the crime or they'll be off the case. Said officers will be encouraged to hand in their badge in disgust and solve the crime anyway to reduce police wage bills. Prison workshops to be reinstated, but rather than breaking rocks and making number plates, we suggest instead that prisoners be organised into good old fashioned chain gangs to help Railtrack maintain their network.
Women prisoners can make dull, shapeless clothes by working on the Marks and Spencer chain gang.
National Heritage Queen Mother to be reupholstered. All museums to be open 24 hours, with free admission. And dancing girls. Sport Overpaid football players who act like ponces by falling over and crying any time an opposing player comes anywhere near them unwittingly spark violence amongst fans by robbing them of the outlet for bloodlust that they so desperately need. All cars are to have a large metal spike installed in the centre of the steering wheel to encourage safe driving.