There is now a government-approved piece of technology that will supposedly give women orgasms more often. I'm so pissed off right now that I'm imagining the introduction to an X-Files episode instead of writing my column.
Menacing music plays behind a single image that swims up out of the muzzy darkness.
It's a drab door among thousands of others, buried in a drab government agency. Mulder has discovered that after years of secret, nefarious testing on repressed housewives and coercively inbred little girls, the government has come up with a highly sophisticated machine to solve the female orgasm problem. The clit pump. Yep, just like those stupid, useless penis pumps advertised in the back of The Spectator and Playboy . Except smaller, and with a softer suction cup.