I wanted to be around calmer people, and I wanted to be more calm myself. We may still be blaming our mothers, trying to change or fix her, or we may still be keeping our emotional distance. If you're experiencing this cycle of blame and distancing, Lerner says you're stuck and haven't yet negotiated your separateness from your mother. Dealing with mom can seem like an impossible task. That's not necessarily true.
People can make changes in the way they are.
If it's strongly impacting how you're feeling, then definitely seek help. So, if you're not resolving the anger after a long period of time, are avoiding contact with your mother, or are simply going through the motions, and especially if you are depressed or suicidal, you should find a good therapist. But that's not always necessary. You don't have to have it all out at once. When you find yourself getting mad, you can step back and address the situation maturely.