Just leave me alone. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek.
Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.