Hug a hurting person. Wrap your arms around him. When people are in shock or grief, words buzz by them. They bounce off like rain drops on a tin roof. Touch is very important.
Physical contact can break through.
Words only erect verbal walls. They assume uncooperative people are selfish and inconsiderate. However, research suggests that the reasons for uncooperative behavior are more complicated. Many people do not share the view that cooperation is at all admirable. They do not see it as a moral issue.