That's the right question, because it is up to the parents to change their responses in order to change their children. I think it helps to have a plan to know what you're going to do the next time your child does whatever, and then follow through with it, instead of doing what you typically do. And I think it helps to realize that your kids are not out to get you, but are sorting about trying to figure out how they can feel important. I think with a tantrum that's in a normal range, you step over the child and go about your life with no response. For a child that's violent toward people, animals, or property, I think you need to get some outside help.
Most kids seem to be angels at school, then switch back to whining devils when they get home.
That's because kids always give their parents the hardest time. Just take pleasure in knowing that they do know how to behave. And adopt an educated discipline plan for when they mistreat you. Children should not be paid to do what they ought to be doing anyway. If you pay children, they adopt an attitude that they won't do anything unless they get paid, and you rob them of the opportunity of contribution in the household.