I am being stingy with myself. Suddenly I decide to be present for her, as I do with my children, and it is like waking from a dream. It is gratifying to be more available. It may require an effort at first, but then I feel this is exactly where I want to be. When I try to be present, I sometimes feel a resistance.
Nothing seems to happen.
Or else, what does happen is not what I want. I have a constant need to be stimulated and entertained. Boredom, however, is the first sign that I am on the right track to being in the present. It means that instead of being shut up in an unreal world, I am crossing a protective barrier. The part of me that resists change tries to dissuade me from living in the present.