But when conflict is destructive, spouses need to discover what it is within themselves and within the relationship that needs to change. Sometimes the pattern for hurtful conflict is learned earlier in life. It may be a result of emotional illness. At other times it comes from unresolved stress. Whatever the source, hurtful conflict needs to be corrected.
Restoration can take place through spiritual healing, counseling, medication, and other approaches.
Abusive conflict is a violation of the marriage covenant as well as the covenant with God. We play many roles in marriage. Some of them overlap. Many are interchangeable. Today many couples are sharing these tasks, not always smoothly or without protest.