Ever since the corrupt Lord of Darkness cost him the title back at Slobberknocker '97, Stone Cold Steve Austin has been on a revenge kick. Vampires heads will roll as the Rattlesnake, with belt in hand, makes his way through 19th century Translyvania in search of the Dark Lord and beer. Players must effectively maneuver their mascot character of choice to a nearby toilet, positioning their heads accurately above the bowl so that they may spew forth glory. In the new version of the title, named Command and Conker , players must strategically utilize the hated squirrel in order to destroy the world. The real-time strategy adventure is said to take approximately 30 years to complete.
Players can also collect thousands upon thousands of enemy heads, which do nothing.
Mario and friends don't drink. Conker is a peaceloving squirrel. Stone Cold is not a vampire hunter. The above games don't exist. It's been one of those weeks.