If you want it to work, you have to work it. It's not your job to fix your mate, and it's not his or her job to fix you. Take the relationship and what your mate says at face value and stop reading into it what you'd like to hear. We can work with what's real. It's impossible to deal with what's not real.
Unconditional love is an inside job.
When you can give it to yourself, you'll be ready to give it to someone else. If you can give it to someone else, you'll recognize it when it's given to you. If you both are committed to creating a functional relationship, agree to start doing it today, without any judgments about the past. Be willing to work in the solution and let go of your need to control the outcome, moment to moment, one day at a time. Joy can only be experienced in the present moment.