So many feel terribly ill at ease when visiting someone who is grief-stricken. They don't know what to do after they enter the shiva house. Too often we, as rabbis, witness a convivial atmosphere in a domain of avelus and we hear conversations that should not take place. For those of us who gallantly serve people pained by death, there is a need to educate the public in Nehum Avelim as part of part of a community's own mourning process and the individual mourner's healing process. Communication from the pulpit or special publications on Nehum Avelim to the synagogue membership are most helpful.
Mourners appreciate direction and value the sensitivity given by visitors.
Bereaved people find lengthy visits a burden and lengthy conversations difficult. Visitors wear out their welcome when they stay past half an hour. A series of short of visits is far better than one extended stay. Come for a 15-minute chat one day then pop in for 10 minutes the next. Mourners need personal time.