Those of you who insist on heading for the voting booth are right to hide behind a curtain, because you're letting your countrymen down. You've seen the newspaper polls, heard the NPR reports, and watched Jay Leno quiz the man on the street. Most Americans aren't even sure who won the Revolutionary War, let alone the intricacies of the modern American political system. Voting is bad for the economy. No self-respecting capitalist should even consider participating.
Voting is harmful to the environment.
Don't kid yourself. A vote for anyone is a vote against Mother Earth. Our children's health suffers. That means that on Nov. 7, millions of students will miss out on kickball, dodgeball, rope climbing, and other activities designed to shame them into physical fitness. Go ahead and close the gym for a day.