Sometimes you may wish you were just a child again. You may find yourself on an emotional roller coaster for the next year or so. There will be intense hurtling down into an abyss, a slow climb to the top, a moment of calm, then another unexpected plunge. Yes, you will feel okay again, but it takes a while. Strong feelings are a good sign that you are healing from the pain of your loss.
People heal when they allow themselves to feel the pain grief brings.
Many people, like you, have trouble expressing these feelings. Such strong emotions make us all feel out of control, vulnerable, even scared. But expressing your feelings is essential to start healing. Hiding from your feelings is denial, and it is unhealthy. So is expressing nothing but anger.