I was a scientist trying to figure out the ways of the natives. I wanted to participate, but I did not know how. Even today, my thinking is from the vantage point of an observer. I did not realize that this was different until two years ago, when I took a test in which a piece of classical music evoked vivid images in my imagination. My images were similar to other people's, but I always imagined them as an observer.
Most people see themselves participating in their images.
For instance, one musical passage evoked the image of a boat floating on a sparkling sea. My imagery was like a postcard photograph, whereas most other people imagined themselves on the boat. All my life I have been an observer, and I have always felt like someone who watches from the outside. I could not participate in the social interactions of high school life. First of all, I could not understand why clothes were so important when there were much more interesting things to think about and do in the science lab.