Sunscreen is very important, and you should always volunteer to rub it on the bodies of shapely local lifeguards. Sexy lifeguards who get skin cancer, however, will get to marry very handsome doctors. Murderous drug lords trained in the ancient art of the Samurai are fairly helpless once you get them wet. Bodysurfers should always keep their hands extended to avoid injury, and maybe cop a feel of Donna D'Errico's thigh. Always swim with a buddy, because beautiful lifeguards come running in pairs.
Sharks are afraid of jet skis.
If you ever have to choose between being a lifeguard and keeping your job as an attorney at a prestigious law firm, start your own practice. People who are trapped underwater in an airplane should conserve their oxygen and wait for lifeguards to arrive with the underwater arc welder. Avoid all marine life, even the spongy ones who look as cuddly and soft as Traci Bingham's ample bosom. Water is some dangerous shit, yo. All rights reserved.