When people asked me how my mom was doing, I told them only facts. When they expressed sympathy or concern, I pulled back. I was afraid that if I allowed myself to feel the pain, I wouldn't be able to cope. Denial is a two-edged sword. For a time, it provides a way to let things sink in more slowly.
People take sideways glances at situations that are too hard to look at straight on.
But long-term denial can isolate people. My mom was in denial during most of her illness. A couple weeks after she was diagnosed, she told one of my sisters that there had been a mistake. If none of us believes it then it won't be true. Later, she kept telling us her doctor said that smoking did not cause lung cancer and insisted that she was doing better when, in reality, the opposite was true.