For many queers, this ability to pass as straight may seem like a good thing. Their sexual orientation can remain a non-issue, never coming up and therefore protecting them from the threat of harassment. But it s inherently destructive, since in order to do this a basic part of that person s life must remain, as the phrase goes, closeted. The negative side of being invisible is that it is easy to remain that way, easy to continue to suppress part of your life. After careful closeting, coming out can be traumatic for everyone.
Queers feel vulnerable, afraid of rejection or abuse at the hands of their peers.
Straights feel betrayed, shocked that their friends and allies didn t trust them enough to tell the truth about themselves. And as if the interpersonal problems weren t nightmare enough, this can sometimes turn into an intense group psychodrama of mythic proportions. As relationships shut down, the organization can start to suffer because of lack of good communication, loss of focus on the work at hand, and general fragmentation. Imagine talking to a good friend and fellow activist about a heterosexual relationship you re involved in. You have spent many a weekend protesting Home Depot together.