Every four years Americans are asked to cast their vote for a presidential candidate, and every four years the media teams up with eighth grade civics teachers to make us feel guilty for staying home on Election Day. Well, I'm here to tell you it's your patriotic duty not to cast a ballot. Those of you who insist on heading for the voting booth are right to hide behind a curtain, because you're letting your countrymen down. You've seen the newspaper polls, heard the NPR reports, and watched Jay Leno quiz the man on the street. Most Americans aren't even sure who won the Revolutionary War, let alone the intricacies of the modern American political system.
Voting is bad for the economy.
No self-respecting capitalist should even consider participating. Voting is harmful to the environment. Don't kid yourself. A vote for anyone is a vote against Mother Earth. Our children's health suffers.