This early nurturing provides the platform in developing healthy self-esteem in children. As children get older, however, authentic self-esteem derives from children developing competencies in academic, social, physical, and moral areas. Again, self-esteem must be earned. This is not to say that adults no longer play an important role in enhancing children's self-esteem. The emphasis of their efforts, however, needs to incorporate skill building within the context of a warm and nurturing environment.
Praise is generally ineffective for several reasons.
Children will reject praise if the comments made are inconsistent with their self-pictures. Children have a strong tendency to defend their self-evaluations and are apt to blot out any positive messages about their own competence if such messages are in conflict with an unfavorable picture of self. Individuals who believe that they are incapable or unattractive will cling to perceptions that bolster this unflattering picture and reject any suggestions that they may be capable or attractive. Furthermore, praise is inappropriate because children have not necessarily done anything to earn these compliments. Younger children tend to behave in ways that will bring them rewards and avoid punishment and gradually develop inner controls and behave in socially-approved ways because they want to, not necessarily to receive a reward.