Maybe it's something as greatly appreciated as simply giving them a few minutes to unwind upon arriving home before they start chores or you begin talking non-stop. Recording efforts made daily may help you remember to put forth effort for helping your spouse and enable you to see progress is being made, but never use the record as evidence for planning battle if progress is slower at restoring your relationship than you'd hoped. Above all, pray for your spouse daily. Pray they'll have a good day, safe travel, that something encouraging will help that day, and so forth. Don't forget to think about the high points in your marriage before loss.
Marriage requires commitment.
Relationships based on feeling don't have stability. Commitment is the glue that cements your marriage. If you need outside help with your marriage and your pastor doesn't seem to understand how loss affects your marriage, seek help from a support group for bereaved parents or Christian family counselors who are acquainted with the effects of child loss on a marriage. My prayer is that your marriage will emerge strengthened by shared sorrow. Newsletters are sent free of charge and dependant on donations for their ongoing publication.