Excluding children from family grief rituals such as a funeral can be devastating, leading to a sense of isolation or even guilt. Children know that an important event is happening that they are inexplicably forbidden to attend. On the other hand, forcing children to sit in a room with hysterical adults or to kiss a dead body can leave lasting traumatic memories. It is best to let children participate in the decision whether they should attend the funeral. If possible, this should be a close friend or family member who does not need to attend the funeral and can be fully available to the child.
Mourning rituals are common in many religious and cultural groups.
These rituals provide a structure for grief that can be helpful to both adults and children. However, some modifications may be needed for young children, who may not be able to understand what is expected of them for an extended ritual, such as the Jewish ritual of sitting shiva, which involves 7 days of mourning. Children can be included in formal remembrance of the loss by participating in specific rituals or in less formal ways, such as planting a tree, offering a favorite object, or drawing pictures. 8 Birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries of the death provide natural opportunities to remember a loved one. 2 Parents and children can use these natural reminder times to look at family videos or photos or go to the cemetery.