The take home message is - this stuff is too complex for a lay person to be good at it. Find a doctor you trust more or less and stick with him or her and his or her diagnosis and treatment regime. I've tried a couple other sources and have had the same problems. I truly want to work through whatever is causing this, but haven't been able to find someone who seems to grasp my issues. You may not realize this - but it is entirely possible to want to work on your issues very much and to sabotage work on them at the same time.
People are funny that way.
If it is the case that your problem is preventing you from forming the therapeutic relationship you want then you will have to accept the problem and work around it. It might be worth a try anyway. My son suffers from Bipolar Disorder - we have had to have him put in the hospital 4 times so far because of his delusions and comments about suicide. Usually he is in the hospital approx 2 weeks. Once home he stops taking his medication, says he has no problem - that we are his problem.