It was four years later before I could begin to allow myself to feel the real depths of pain that my aunt's death caused me. Meanwhile, from time to time, I'd feel oddly fed up or miserable for no apparent reason. It wasn't until I was able to deal with the loss, was able to finally let her go, that those vague feelings of misery disappeared. When the death happens, even if it's expected, most people are stunned. Perhaps unable to think clearly or to concentrate on anything.
Nothing feels quite real.
There's a great deal to do in those first few days, so until after the funeral, there's not much time to think. And everybody is usually so good. Supportive and kind and ready to help out in any way they can. But a few weeks down the line, and all that seems to change. Suddenly, there's too much time to think.