Not only did you carry the necessary tasks, you went overboard neglecting yourself, focusing instead on what you had to do so she would do what you wanted her to do. You just become a pain in the neck to live with. We are getting counseling together, but I don't know how many of these feeling to divulge, at least at this early junction. All of them, as soon as you feel reasonably comfortable. Not only will this expression help your wife understand you, but you will help yourself.
Vulnerability is a necessary ingredient of trust and intimacy.
Feeling out of control is something you need to learn to tolerate as well, for your own sake. Even though you feel out of control, you are not out of control. You cannot be out of control. The only one who controls you is you. Take the time to sit in this uncomfortable zone - until you no longer feel the urge to escape.