Therapists' walls echo with accusations as people point fingers at one another in an attempt to explain what they see as the source of their own discontent.
People are who they are.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks, especially one that's not interested in learning any, so you need to simply accept your spouse or else get out of the relationship. But what people fail to realize, including many marriage counselors, is that we can change other people. In fact, we have the power to create dramatic and long-lasting changes in those around us. The secret lies in how we target our energy and efforts, because our capacity to change others is entirely based on our willingness to change ourselves. This is not double-talk or trickery, it's simply the reality of relationship dynamics.