In my view, the people who are most successful at constructing a good and powerful life beyond arbitrary gender constraints are the ones who don't worry so much about what they cannot do, who they do not want to be, and simply focuus on who they are, who they can be. The people I see who really make it work are the people who just find what works for them, who pick a role and do it well, without worrying if they are crossing some sort of line. I see lots of TG people who like to bash genders, to take a supreior position, as if they know what is wrong with other people before walking a mile in their pumps. I once suggested that a good exercise at one of these trans conferences would be to have people explain who they are without using the word not. This negative identity definition is really a scary thing to me.
Oppositions are what create polaraities, and polarities are what create wars.
For transpeople, who embody the ambiguous and contradictory nature of mixed aspects, polarities are what erase us, tear apart our hearts. We are them and they are us and we are all together. We can only do that when we don't create barriers and boundaries to immersion, prejudging what is good or bad, but rather dive in and find the connections, the linking threads. I am not suggesting that we give up critical analysis of the things we immerse in, any more than I would suggest builders should not find better ways to build houses or bakers should find better ways to bake cakes. I do suggest, however, that knowing and understanding things in a positive way, with compassion and real openness, is what allows us to understand how the pieces fit together, and how they can be fitted in new ways that serve common goals in a better way.