If at first you don't succeed, try sleeping with management. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
Plagiarism saves time.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. The beatings will continue until morale improves. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow. An office is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels - some climbing up, some fooling around and some simply just idling.