Tell me what you want. Putting feelings and desires into words is empowering for children and helps them to understand their frustration. Acknowledge what your child does or does not want. You are ripping off that sweater. You can tell me with words that you don't want to wear it.
Nothing escalates anger faster than having it discounted.
Of course, you don't hate the sweater that Grandma knit for you. Yes, you may have something to eat as soon as we get in the car. You decide if you want fish crackers or a banana. Hold your child and give loving hugs. If your child cannot stand being touched when upset, remain close while uttering reassuring phrases.