There is nothing more devastating than the horrifying news that a family member has been murdered. Numbing shock, disbelief, and emptiness often give way to feelings of violent anger, a thirst for revenge, and deep despair. When someone we love dies naturally, we experience some similar feelings, but eventually we reach a place of acceptance.
Murder is different.
When someone we love has been killed, rather than grieve, we blame. We blame because there is another person responsible for our loss, whose actions caused our pain. Hating that person feels good, because by focusing our attention on that person, we avoid dealing with our feelings of grief. We also avoid acceptance, healing and closure we so desperately need. The result is we remain stuck in the time and place in which the crime occurred and never move beyond it.