Yet, for the majority of men, dependency is equated with weakness. Dependency in the typical male usually creates anxiety, fear, and overwhelming feelings of vulnerability, and he typically moves quickly to repress them. Although allowing himself to be temporarily dependent would actually assist in the healing process, the American male fights fiercely against dependency. The grief experience naturally creates a turning inward and slowing down on the part of the mourner, a temporary self-focus that is vital to the ultimate healing process. Yet, for most men this is threatening.
Masculinity is equated with striving, moving, and activity.
By the time a boy becomes a man, he is usually driven by a never-ending need to prove himself, which equates with keeping busy. Perhaps it is also not coincidence that the high rate of heart disease among men may be partly due to the overstress of constant activity without slowing down to rest. Unfortunately, the male who throws himself into his work following loss is not an unusual occurrence. Another critical grief-healing ingredient is the ability to ask for or accept support. For many men, asking for help means letting go of control and allowing oneself to be nurtured and having to ask for emotional support makes many males anxious and uncomfortable.