I try to, perhaps to an extreme. Perhaps I learned all too young what it meant to lose someone without closure, to have to struggle to keep the memories and emotions present, while not being overwhelmed by them. And maybe that's why have become so scattered - I have moved and changed and grown in intense ways, but I hold myself back by bringing all of my life with me wherever I go, in a very present way. I miss the time in my life when I created those connections. I enjoy reflecting and analyzing, and naming the forces at work in our lives, but at some point that process can become too much an end in itself.
Some people follow paths.
Some people make new ones. The thing I want most out of life right now is the opportunity and occasion to laugh out loud, fully and heartily, at least once a day. Preferrably with another person. But temporary fun is just as good if its all that's available and you understand what's really going on. Wondering what else might be available as you begin to understand what's really going on.