I have had many experiences with clients who came in thinking they had to have a custody battle when all they needed was some reassurance that they would not lose their children if custody was with the other parent. I don't mean to imply that lawyers deliberately cause such contention. But many lawyers are not trained or temperamental enough to emotional issues to successfully navigate their clients away from custody battles. Divorce is painful no matter how you approach it. The choice you must make is whether you are going to give in to the understandable impulses that make it more agonizing for you or whether you are going to struggle with the system and yourself to make it work for you over the long term.
Most couples can go either way.
There is a period early in the divorce process when you decide whether you will divorce decently or poorly. My argument with the legal system is that it pushes you in the wrong direction, encouraging and reinforcing your worst impulses rather than your best. The critical human task for every divorcing couple is to take responsibility. Taking responsibility for the end of your marriage is the imperative for understanding your own behavior, your own contribution, and your own role in the process that led to the separation. Your active involvement in solving the problems sets you up to take responsibility for your future.