I wish you knew. I wish you'd stop beating yourself up for being selfish, and really be selfish, Codi. You're like a mother or something. I wish you knew how to squander yourself. Barbara Kingsolver Animal Dreams Walking in water returns a sharpness of attention.
Nothing is so unfamiliar as the well-known when viewed from the perspective of walking in a river.
We think we understand our life, who we are, and our place in the sweep of things. We think we live in a world that makes sense. We temporarily misplace our map. The narrative we've made up about our life no longer has meaning beyond the transitory arrangement of images. Spending time by a river, or in a zendo, can sometimes demonstrate this point.