This is when the germs of divorce begin to infect the relationship. When one mate asks the other about his or her concerns, opinions, or expectations, the one sharing is open, honest and responsible for his or her own feelings. There is an atmosphere of honor, that is, the listener is trying to understand and validate what is being communicated. When we share our feelings, it reflects our deepest relational need. Conflicts usually reveal that a person's feelings and needs are not being understood, validated or fulfilled.
Safety is of utmost importance.
For example, if a person has a need to be treated with tenderness, one might see expressions of frustration or hurt on the face of the offended person. Honor, at the fifth level of intimacy, would involve asking the offended person to share what is needed. If an environment of safety was established, he or she could express the need for more tenderness. The feelings of hurt, frustration or fear are reflections of a person's deeper need for tenderness. Healthy marriages take a lot of hard work.