I kept it completely to myself. One of the major consequences of the code of secrecy is the way secrecy compounds the problem for people trying to cope with their partners' affairs. The secrecy leaves them alone with their anxiety if they suspect and alone with their pain if they find out. It's quite possible that this isolation threatens a person's sanity even more than dealing with the affairs themselves. It's clear that the secrecy in dealing with affairs is a critical factor in a person's struggle to recover from the emotional impact of this experience.
Most people keep their pain hidden, if at all possible.
Some people become obsessed with the idea of keeping their experience secret from others. And the longer it's kept secret, the stronger the feelings of shame. So the secrecy and the problem with self-esteem serve to reinforce each other. By continuing to talk about everything related to the affairs and our feelings during that time, we were able to develop an honest, monogamous marriage again. Nevertheless, it took me several years to begin discussing my own experience.