Nancy realized that comparisons amongst her children were irrelevant. She committed her energy to the development of each child's individual potential. In short, she worked hard to provide opportunities for each one of her children to shine, and in so doing helped each develop a healthy self esteem. Every human being yearns for a positive self-image. If a child senses he is a disappointment to those who should love him unconditionally, in desperation, he might seek approval elsewhere, often with negative and destructive peer groups, for example.
Parents are powerful influences in their children's lives.
They need to be conscious that children see themselves as reflected in their parents' eyes. Jamie, a bright, good-looking young man, tearfully described to me how his father's approval had eluded him throughout his 20 years. His father's steady stream of criticism and scant kind words had bruised and battered his psyche until there was little left to his self-esteem. He is depressed, unmotivated and without any direction. He has already been in therapy for a long time and the road to emotional health seems long and arduous.