For many survivors of abuse, a major part of the healing process is to relearn the norms and behaviors of sexuality, whereby sex is not automatically associated with abuse. It can also be very confusing for a survivor to disentangle which sexual feelings and behaviors are natural to their core personality and which feelings and behaviors are learned or conditioned responses resulting from the abuse. Gay men and lesbians are often defined by the larger culture in terms of their sexuality. Because homosexuality seems so threatening within the context of a culture that adheres to the norms of exclusive heterosexuality, many people focus rigidly on the sexual dimension of homosexuality, excluding all the other human aspects that constitute the lives of gay men and lesbians. Gay men and lesbians frequently struggle to unlearn the norms of heterosexuality and to gain an acceptance of their own feelings of sexuality.
Most survivors feel low self-esteem and have difficulty trusting other people.
They often feel inadequate as they seek to form and maintain relationships. Many abuse survivors become very skilled at controlling the dynamics in their relationships, believing that control provides insurance against further abusive experiences. For other survivors, achieving a certain threshold of intimacy may trigger responses that become defensive in nature or that seek to undermine the relationship, with the survivor still believing that closeness is a precursor for abuse. In addition, feelings of low self-esteem may create obstacles to sharing oneself freely. Gay men and lesbians often cannot rely on familial or community supports to assist them in maintaining their relationships.