It became harder to manage and I began losing more and more controll over my body. My mind was racing out of control. My entire life was spent seeing how long I could stay drunk and on street drugs. My life was full of hate, despair, anger and compulsions. I was desperately looking for something but not really sure what.
Open rebuke is better then secret love.
I hated myself and this world. It seemed many times that life was a punishment and that I couldn't go on anymore. I tried staying drunk or worse, and when that didn't work I tried killing myself- 3 times. It is not from failure in trying to kill myself, that I am here today. It is because it was not my time to go.