If you feel angry or challenged, you're probably involved in a power struggle . If you feel hurt by your child's actions, his or her goal is revenge . If you feel frustrated and want to give up, your child's goal is assumed disability . The main thing is to have a role in life, a part in the play. As a parent, you can encourage them to take positive parts by dealing with their misbehavior in a way that doesn't encourage it.
Power struggles are often an escalation of bids for undue attention.
Your child is trying to find out how powerful he is, and his mistake is thinking that he only counts when he's running the show. Dealing with the mistaken goal of revenge takes patience. A child who hurts others feels that she's been hurt and that she has to even the score in order to count. But when she hurts others she established a painful cycle of relating to people through hurting and being hurt. Assumed disability is the refuge of a discouraged child.