I know that it is my own fault for not telling anyone about it, but that only serves to make me more angry. I suppose all of these things contribute to my reasons for cutting myself, but the main reason is the anger inside me. Sometimes it just gets too much, and I have panic attacks. The only way I have found to release that anger is to cut my arms and legs. When I first started I used knives and also scratched and poked myself with pins.
Razor blades are a lot more satisfying for some reason.
The first time I cut was strange. It was kind of like an out of body experience, I guess. I went downstairs, took out a knife from the kitchen drawer and took it back upstairs with me. I was on the other side of the room watching myself. After a while I made the first cut on my arm, and the sense of relief was tremendous.