Finally, I allow myself to just feel what I am feeling. We are encouraged to not close off the raw sensation of emotional painfulness. In this observation she experiences confusion, fatigue, and sadness. That pain is her personal connection to what that situation and the avenue for her compassion. Too often new classroom teachers burn out or dry up in the confusing and overwhelming emotional complexity of teaching.
Many teachers become impervious, close off and harden themselves.
The price of such defenses is isolation from others and from the fullness of everyday experience. The other little girls are trying on funny dresses, but this little girl is content to rock back and forth slowly, while feeding her child. I feel a warm burst in my chest, a small connection with this girl, and I sense within myself a desire to be held- and healed. As our experiences begin to naturally sort themselves out, our subtle anxieties begin to fall away and acceptance of ourselves gradually dawns. With less need to be concerned about ourselves, we have more energy, interest and dedication to others.