But when you have learned the skills the pay off is enourmous. Well, you have another 50 to go. You may perceive right now that your marriage hinges on your W's willingness to participate in saving your marriage. But it isn't. Only one of you has to be willing to make the effort and in most cases the other will follow in time.
Patients is a virtue here.
Some MB'ers expect to see changes in their spouses attitude in two or three months. Expect to struggle for six months. There is so much to learn. She may find some peace in reading about withdrawal - it probably describes how she feels quite well. Just knowing that this is a normal phase in marriage and that recovery is possible will give her mind a real sense of peace.