For example, a child who comes up with her own remedy for getting out the door on time every morning, is a child who has been helped to take charge of her own life. She's been encouraged to think about how to solve problems. The child has taken ownership of the solution, and that makes it more likely to succeed. Regardless of the specific result, the process itself is also terribly important. It creates a very different dynamic in a family that's based on respect, not on treating kids like pets.
Rewards buy temporary compliance so they seem to work.
And we often fail to understand that when things do get worse, it's because of the use of rewards. And finally, rewards are instruments of control. If you try to offer a deeper, more challenging strategy that involves bringing the child into decision making, they say that's not realistic. Many of these parents and teachers sense that the alternative to rewards is a more democratic family or classroom.