Many of us enter marriage thinking that our spouse will meet our deepest needs. We then feel cheated when they don t, and begin to close our hearts. A marriage where both partners are committed to serving one another, to washing one another s feet is a marriage in which self-centeredness gets sidelined. One thing that men and women have equally in common is that we are all equally self-centered and selfish. Little growth in marriages take place, says Dr. Crabb, until we realize that the disease of self-centeredness is fatal to our souls and marriages.
Nothing exposes our self-centeredness more clearly than anger.
Being angry at our spouses can be very attractive, because it makes us feel both powerful and self-righteous. Having counseled dozens of couples over the years, I am continually amazed at the self-deception of many who convince themselves that the problem is their spouse, and that their personal faults are far more minor and merely reactive. Our culture is saturated with excuses for everything. It is not my fault. It s my spouse s, my parent s, my government s, or my boss fault.