Moving beyond power struggles, and the either-or thinking that engenders them, requires a transformation in consciousness. While conflicts seem to be caused by differing needs or ways of doing things, the real cause is in the meanings people attribute to these differences. In intimate relationships, for example, rarely do two people have exactly the same need for contact at all times. But it is one's interpretation of this fact that leads to suffering or acceptance. Many intimate fights are unconscious ways of adjusting the distance between partners.
People fight when they want more closeness.
They fight when they want more distance. But usually their fights seem to be about something other than these simple needs. If couples could more easily accept their differing needs, they would be able to communicate more honestly. It's not what happens to you that makes you happy or unhappy with your life, but how you handle what happens to you. Whatever you resist in life keeps coming back to you, demanding your attention.