Jesus didn't die for lovely people who deserved his sacrifice. He died for those of us who are often stubborn and hostile to God's will. Our willingness to love is not conditioned upon how our spouse has treated us in the past. Our determination to love and to forgive isn't based upon our relationship to our spouse at all, but on our relationship to Christ. And so no matter how unresponsive our spouse is to us, we have determined to love that person whatever it takes, remembering that it took Christ all the way to the cross.
Many marriages eventually turn into a contest of wills.
Marriage often becomes two people asserting their wills, and in so doing, a wedge is driven between them. Approaching marriage this way, both end up feeling like the loser in a relationship where there is no winner. This view however denies the oneness of marriage. Once married, the two become one. That isn't some pious platitude.