The paragraphs read like a list, with no connection between the sentences. The paragraphs have a general focus, but some sentences are unrelated. Coherence, cohesion, and transitions need work. Paragraphs are generally well developed with fewer than three problems of focus, unity, or coherence. Transitions may be a bit forced.
Paragraphs are focused, unified, and coherent.
Transitions are logical and effective. You had 4-6 errors. You had 1-3 errors.