Personalizing the blame. You hold yourself personally responsible for things beyond your control. Suppose the actual event is a divorce. You're selfish, uncaring, vindictive, and lousy in bed. The consequences of these beliefs might be deep depression.
People are generally much harder on themselves than they are on others.
Suppose a friend were getting divorced, and felt like a selfish, uncaring, vindictive failure. You're not a failure simply because your relationship ended. Many marriages end in divorce, just like many winning teams lose games. It's rough to endure a divorce, and break-ups never bring out the best in people, but I've known you for years, and you're a warm, kind, caring person. Examine the evidence.