And if, in the course of making conflict, a person shows contempt for a talmid chochom, his avera is even more severe, for it is as though he has scorned the word of G-d. If the person who has been made an object of contempt invests himself in Torah learning and is worthy of teaching, he is considered a talmid chochom, and anyone who shows contempt for a talmid chochom suffers a blow which cannot be healed. It is forbidden to take part in a dispute, even to come to the aid of a relative, even if one s father commands him to do so, for there is no mitzvah to honor a parent s request if it involves violating the Torah. Even if a person sees that his father is right, he should try to tone down the conflict and not take sides in a way that perpetuates it. Not only is it forbidden to create conflict over matters of no importance, but even if someone hurts a person or compromises his dignity, he is obligated to settle the conflict.
People often claim that their dispute is l shem shamaim.
So it is important to realize that a dispute is l shem shamaim only when it does not induce a person to violate any commandments. When the people involved in the dispute feel a deep brotherly love for each other, but if their dispute induces them to hate each other, then it is certainly not l shem shamaim and the Satan stands among them. The sefer Halichos Olam reports that many years after his death, Rabbi Yonason Eibshitz appeared in a dream and revealed that he and Rabbi Yaakov Emden, with whom he had been in dispute, were sitting together in Gan Eden. It would be nearly impossible to list all the places in the Gemara and Shulchan Aruch which relate to the prohibition of creating conflict and the edicts of the Rabbis on this matter. But the very fact that the halachah is so concerned to prevent conflicts between Jews teaches us how important it is to avoid them.