Hospitals are no place for sick people. The more dire the need for a bed pan, the slower the nurse will respond to the call. For every pill, there is a side effect. For every side effect, there is another pill. When you can't move very fast, and you can choose between opposite side effects, choose constipation.
Pain relieves boredom.
Watch out for well-meaning people who hold the elevator door while you wheel in your chair, then nail your foot with their briefcases. When using crutches, choose clothes with big pockets. If it doesn't fit in a pocket, clamp it in your teeth or under your chin, or hang it over your shoulder or on your head. When all else fails, crawl and drag it. Contrary to popular opinion, there are not too many handicapped parking spaces.