When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work. Don't use online help.
Online help is for wimps.
If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for you and all you co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime money. When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past two, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy. Don't ever thank us.