An important aspect of respect was admiration of the partner as a sensitive, principled person. The value these couples placed on their spouse s qualities was an unexpected finding. It helps explain why many divorcing people speak so vehemently of losing respect for their former spouse. The love that people feel in a good marriage goes with the conviction that the person is worthy of being loved. For marriages to survive in a time when so many others end in divorce, respect is the key ingredient.
Many people confuse respect with awe.
When we fall in love, we look up to the person we admire and venerate our sweetheart. And this blinds us to his or her blemishes as we idealize that our beloved is perfect - it is only after marriage that we realize that the person we married isn t exactly flawless. There may be a divergence in personality, of approaches to life and different ways of doing things. You can try to change your spouse back into your fantasy lover, but for the marriage to grow, you have to learn to let him or her be. Learn to adjust.