The doctor and my father came out of the room together. After the doctor had gone, my father went to the table where three of my four sisters were sitting. I watched him pick up each one and comfort them. I was sitting there crying, but I was left alone, unnoticed and uncomforted by my dad. I decided through that incident, It doesn't do any good to feel.
Nobody cares anyway.
And so very early I learned to stuff my feelings. In the years following her death, I lived with several different families. Part of the time I had one or two of my sisters with me, but sometimes it was just me. While I am sure these moves were difficult for me, I don't remember having feelings about the changes. In these families where I was sent, I perceived the mother figures to be distant, and not loving, nurturing or affirming.