I have respect from my order and from friends. The twelve steps of AA saved my life. I go to five meetings a week. I know I will need to face myself and all my issues if I want to be abstinence. I have a spiritual director, a counselor, a sponsor, and much support.
Pornography is a killer.
You think you are free to choose it or leave it. That is the lie. It is so powerful that it robs us of our ability to see it for what it is. I still learn every day new damages that the pornography did to me. I still grieve for all the lost time and lost years with my family.