There is nothing to see. You do not believe the milk exists until she throws it back up, and when she does, you want to cry. What is not quite yours as it leaves you, is definitely yours as it comes back. What I remember is how fully human her gaze was, even though it was so new. She seemed to say that this was a serious business, that we were in it together.
New babies have such emotional complexity.
I am amazed that 'bravery' is one of the feelings she has already experienced, that she should be born so intrepid and easily affronted - that she should be born so much herself. She is also, at this early stage, almost gender free. This is useful. The statistics on how often mothers choose not to breastfeed girl babies are shocking. There are probably a number of reasons for this, but one of them surely is the degree to which our society has sexualised the breast.