Both of these have to be present. Giving up on getting your child to do what you want, in favor of just loving a child, results in spoiled children and adults who never learn that actions have consequences. Blending loving support and consistent discipline results in healthy children with high self-esteem who become productive adults. Make rules clear, follow-through on the stated consequences, and be consistent. Sometimes following through and sometimes not causes a sense of insecurity in a child.
Rules are like the guard rail around the platform on a high tower.
The junior higher may lean over as far as he can and spit on the people below, but he is glad the rail is there. Punishment is effective only in stopping undesirable behaviors, not in creating desired behaviors. Punishment encourages a child to stop a behavior so he or she won't get punished. Natural consequences and logical consequences are the best teachers. Natural consequences are those that follow an action without the parents doing anything.