Ask yourself if you are still caught up in chasing gratification from others at any and all costs. Ask yourself if you can delay your need for gratification in order to meet your own needs. Hand in hand with learning how to meet your own needs and take personal responsibility for yourself comes learning how to accommodate the self-control and orderly conduct required in order to be a disciplined individual. Discipline comes from one's true self. If you have BPD you may well need to take a good hard look at the behaviour that you are playing out over and over.
Nobody wants to hurt.
Nobody wants to hurt themselves. Every time you engage in anything that is hurtful to yourself you are trying in a maladaptive way to meet unmet needs. Think about learning how to meet those needs in ways that will enhance your emotional growth, sense of self and that will lead you to being able to live an emotionally disciplined life. Used under License.