These feelings were formed in childhood and patterns of relating were established that have carried through the years. The intensity and immediacy of those feelings may have changed as we reached adulthood and moved out of our homes to live independently. While our parents remain active and self-reliant, the relationship with them may be pleasant and gratifying, or frustrating and abrasive. When our parents get older, feebler, sicker, or poorer and are in need of help, it becomes more difficult to maintain an emotional distance. Old feelings from the past can rise up again.
Nobody becomes a perfect person with age.
Although everyone wants things to end up gracefully, problems come up. Guilt is an emotion that rarely stands alone. It is often difficult to understand our own feelings and behaviors. Some people are able to discover insight for themselves and move ahead to work effectively on family problems. Others may find themselves in an emotional quandary, unable to mobilize themselves.