A hush falls over the crowd. Perhaps it's a tearjerker, and the couple are embracing for the last time. A sci-fi film or historical fiction piece pauses the musical score as the view pans over a breathlessly intense panoramic shot. Or an action film, the hero walking into what he knows is to be an ambush, betting his life on a bluff. Well forget it, you can kiss that all goodbye.
People are far too goddamn stupid to let that happen.
It's not just the two people in front of you who feel the need to read the text on the screen aloud every time a location or date is shown. And it's not just them and the people far over to your right who don't seem to comprehend the fact that their asses are not on their living room couch and seem oblivious to the fact that, no , you don't want a running commentary on the damn film. That would be too simple. Now, peppered throughout the audience, you have people with pagers and cell phones. Enter the vibrator.