Parents who are still trying to make their own voices heard due to injuries from their past often are unable to do it without help. Indeed, they are likely to impose their voice, and demand children listen to them. If you listen to the subtext of these parent-child relationships it becomes clear that the child is taking care of the parent. Sometimes the child feels like a prisoner, because they cannot say what they really feel, only what their parent wants to hear. It is extraordinary that the most important job in the world, raising a child, is an untrained position.
Many parents deceive themselves about the quality of their parenting skills.
Parents sometimes compare themselves favorably to their own parents, and indeed they often do a better job. But what is often necessary is not just doing a better job, but stepping out of the box and seeing the parenting role in a completely different way. Very few parents can do this on their own. Clients often learn that their voice was not heard, and they are struggling to regain agency by having their children listen to them. It is important to start applying the above rules from the moment of birth.