You need to find out what benefits are available for you to help you get through this time in your life. You paid for it and now you need it and you are entitled to it. You are not getting money for nothing. You are entitled to this protection because you paid for it. Getting over this guilt is important because if you have no choice and need your SSDI, you will, sadly, have to fight for it.
Many people find applying for disabily benefits to be a horrible and stressful experience .
If you apply with little effort, you will get nothing except a lot of frustration, rejection and abuse. No one wants to be on disability but if you know that you have to be on it, then do it right the first time before your life becomes financially critical. This seems to happen most often to younger people. This has happened to many PWCs and it turns out to be totally wrong. I stop short of saying that they lie on purpose to discourage trusting sick people.