At first, you might feel more comfortable including both of your babies in the count and it will be up to you whether or not you want to tell if one of your babies died. Later, you may only want to talk about your surviving children, either way, do what is most comfortable for you. You will always know you are the mother of both children, even though only one may be physically with you now. Finally, as you probably know, don't feel like you need to pretend either to your surviving baby or to the rest of your family and friends that you only have one child. Speak about your baby who died, save things she had that were important to you and don't feel like your feelings about your baby's death will diminish your feelings for your baby who lived.
Most people can recognize many times when they felt conflicting feelings.
This is one. When you're ready to completely celebrate, you'll know it, and in some ways your grief won't completely leave you. I wrote this book along with my sister Donna Linden and our friend Emma Trenti Taroli. When both gave birth to premature babies and both of them were desperately wanting information that they could trust, no appropriate book was available. Also, when my sister was in the hospital, waiting to give birth, I came and stayed with her and found myself talking to her and her husband for eight to ten hours per day about what they could expect in having a premature baby and what that meant for them and their family.