He descended into hell , the Creed said. He plowed up hell and reaped a harvest in its depths. I am just months away from breaking down entirely. I feel marked because my family has already marked me. I am terrified that I will follow them, terrified by this nameless beast I have struggled with for years.
Nothing eases the terror.
Neither the religion I learned as a child nor the culture I am trying to survive in offer me a way out. I have begun a long and terrifying journey through this inner landscape, and I have no idea where it will end. The harrowing of hell sounds some deep chord within me, but I cannot grip this image and make it mine. Its power beckons, but I cannot reach it. I hardly dare to ask.