From the standpoint of cost, heartache and quality of the final result, the less you use the court, the better. Don't let lawyers haggle over such vital matters as how your children will be raised, what happens to the family home and how your property will be divided. And even more important, you will spare your children the ugly spectacle of extended parental fights, letting them come through the divorce as unscathed as possible. Once you have resolved the big questions, all that remains is to ask the court, in writing, to grant a divorce. In many states, you don't even have to appear in court.
Many courts now make it relatively easy for people to handle the whole process without a lawyer.
But first, you've got to tackle those big questions. A surprising number of divorcing couples are eventually able to come to terms without outside assistance. If you fear that your spouse might harm you or your children or abscond with your property, take action immediately. Move to a safe place, and if necessary get a temporary restraining order keeping the spouse away. Close joint bank and credit card accounts.