We have to write a book on caring for a parent with personality problems. Grace exchanged these words with her husband, Irwin, in the days following the death of his mother in 1988. Grace and Irwin's experience put a personal edge on our professional work with clients. But I have come to understand that my mother has been difficult to get along with all her life. She finds fault with everyone, including me.
Nothing is ever right.
Although I don't love her more, even with this new understanding, I do accept her as my mom with a lot of shortcomings. When time finally brought the emotional distance necessary to begin writing the book, we tried out our ideas on professional colleagues as well as laypeople. They enthusiastically responded that such a book was sorely needed. Although there are many excellent volumes on eldercare and on problem personalities, most of the latter are by therapists concerned with treating people who experience these difficulties, not with helping others cope with the behaviors. What's more, this professional literature hardly mentions the older population, largely because older people with difficult personalities rarely seek therapy.