In the same way, spending time hiking each summer or doing some other activity that is fun for everyone can bond a family together. It's not material things that reassure children. Being generous with our time, our attention and patience is more important than being generous with material things. And in planning family rituals, parents must remember to make time for themselves, Dr. Haug emphasizes. There should be some 'sacred time' to slow down, to keep in touch with what is happening in each other's life.
Research shows that after the birth of the first child, couples often begin a process of alienation.
Couples need to find ways to stay connected, to make time for each other. Just as important as developing rituals to bring couples and families together, she says, is allowing yourself to let some things go. It is simply stepping back and recognizing that the truly successful around us are happy, well adjusted people who have achieved a balance in their lives. Dr. Haug is clinical director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Counseling Center at Fairfield University, conducted by the Graduate School of Education and Allied Professions. Counseling services at the Center are open to the public and fees are kept to a minimum.