To correct the most common misnomer, mediation is not marital counseling. Once that decision has been reached, mediation deals with the divorce, helping the couple and their children move on with their lives while avoiding all the unnecessary scars from that decision. Divorce mediation is a family-centered process guided by a trained, neutral, third party who guides divorcing couples to work through the issues and decisions of a divorce within a collaborative framework. Instead of focusing on adversity and competition, mediation focuses on mutual problem-solving and the best interests of the entire family. Separate conflicts become joint concerns.
Mediation thus challenges the methods and assumptions of the adversarial divorce process.
It helps to dissolve a marriage by focusing on the future, not by getting stuck casting blame for the past. It seeks to resolve all the pending issues with communication and cooperation, not with adversity or animosity. In an informal and safe environment, a mediator helps parties communicate and prioritize their needs and goals. One of the most difficult aspects for divorcing couples is the experience of disempowerment and frustration with the divorce process, which they do not understand and over which they have no control. In mediation, the parties retain control of the decisions that relate to their own lives and to the lives of their children.