Jane Nichols, coordinator of bereavement services at Children's Hospital and Medical Center of Akron, says this is very common. It's hard to reach out to the other person. Often, there are also gender differences, Nichols says. Men tend to do anger early on. Women tend to do sadness.
Men tend to be doers.
Which is why she advises couples to not make major life decisions until their grief has receded a bit. For some bereaved parents, the surviving children become a lifeline, their sole reason to keep living. Others may resent those children for getting in the way of their grieving. Or, the parent may begin to idolize the child who died, putting pressure on the living children. Each response, while understandable, can be harmful to the surviving children.