Adult children are already trying to balance their busy work lives with care for their children and other responsibilities when a whole new arena enters their world. Their previously busy schedule can suddenly become frantic and require quick decisions and crisis containment with little warning. The role reversal that occurs when an adult child assumes a caretaking role is hard on the parents as well as the adult children.
Parents worry about becoming burdens to their children and want to maintain their autonomy.
The adult children worry about doing too little or too much and agonize over how to approach their parents about each sensitive decision that must be considered. Many of the feelings that we have about our parents in their later years are the same ones we always had about them. These feelings were formed in childhood and patterns of relating were established that have carried through the years. The intensity and immediacy of those feelings may have changed as we reached adulthood and moved out of our homes to live independently. While our parents remain active and self-reliant, the relationship with them may be pleasant and gratifying, or frustrating and abrasive.