Sizable chunks of Cotterill's hair spontaneously fall out. Josh Patty is still writing the briefs. Haynes finishes his cartoon, and begins his article, as do the critics, who have polished off a bottle of grain alcohol. The independents begin their favorite game, which involves bouncing bowling balls off of the door of The Bachelor office. Dudley writes the Arts section.
Patty finishes the briefs, all eight hundred words of it.
Haynes wraps up his article. Cotterill debates joining a monastery. The paper is finished, all breath a sigh of relief. The printer breaks. The cheerful and helpful staff take it from there.