Hacks the code of emacs' doctor-mode to answer new users questions. Maintains queue of questions. Answers them when he gets a chance, often within two weeks of receipt of the proper form. Screams at users until they go away. French until user gives up and goes away.
Recruits user to system administration team.
Laughs fool head off at very mention of accounting. Crippled on System V boxes. Puts printer use policy in motd. Calls customer support every time the printer freezes. Tries to get user who submitted the most recent job fired.