A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, he dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she. Waiting for me to get home. Little Johnny's mother decides to give Johnny 5 more minutes, so she goes down the stairs and starts cooking breakfast. After 5 minutes, Johnny comes down the stairs and is crying uncontrollably.