She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. So I grew hair under my arms instead. The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger.
Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Calvin Trillin Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for your face. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.