I needed a father to tell me this confusion about mutuality in relationship was necessary and not unmanly. Patriarchs don't understand power sharing in relationship with women, or with other men for that matter. Patriarchs don't abide by confusion or mutuality. Modern feminists need to cede some of their relationship territory back to men. Men do not need to act like women for a relationship to work.
Men have to become more deeply men in relationship.
In turn, mature men need to voluntarily share that territory of financial and political power with women. Women should not have to act like men to have power. Mature men do not have to feel shamed in sharing that power. I find in my counseling work that most men still need fathering. And I find that most men are looking for fathering around their love relationships.