She feels nothing but contempt for you. You have spent your last years as a 20 something sitting on a couch in a coffehouse. You have perfect hair. No-one ever has acne, unless it is funny. A good looking gay man in LA spends a year not being able to get a date while everyone in the condominiums around his are fucking all out.
People only die in hospitals when it is heartbreaking, dying heroically.
You know when you will be happy because the horns blow. You will be replaced if you aren't compelling enough.