Even if she cries, these are tears that heal. Acknowledging that the child lived and has not been forgotten is a wonderful balm to a broken heart. Give to the memorial fund. Find out what it is and give, today, next year and the next. My son liked watermelons and we have many stories of watermelons and him.
Many mothers find solace in rainbows, butterflies and angels.
Go to the grave. Take flowers, a balloon or a toy. How honored your friend will be to see what you have left there the next time she visits the cemetery. Don't use religion as a 'brush away' for pain. Don't judge her.