A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.