If you use tomato paste, dilute it in hot water before adding it in. Depending on the toughness of the meet you use, it may take as much as an hour for the meet to soften. Occasionally, put a sharp knife in one of the pieces to see if it has softened. When the meet has softened, give the mixture one last vigorous stir and put the okras on top. If you get to pick the okras at the market, select the smallest ones.
Okras tend to get tougher as they get bigger.
The pre-cut, frozen okras could be used if all else fails. When you are cutting the stems, try not to cut into the pods themselves. Otherwise, you are going to end up with a gooey mess. For the health conscious who doesn't want to use red meat, you can use the same recipe with chicken breast. Then take the meet out and drain it.