You fear you will be incompetent, and never succeed in life by yourself because you have never had any experience and track record of successes on your own. Your ex may have threatened that you'll never make it by yourself. Even Jack the Ripper will do. That is growing up. Growing up is painful.
Nobody wants to grow up.
Growing up is forced on you. You will as a result of your divorce, grow up more emotionally and in taking responsibility for your own outlook, emotions, and physical well being, than any similar period of your life. When I get to where I am totally in control, self-sufficient and happy on my own and take total responsibility for my life succeeding, then I can move on and add significant people of the opposite sex to my life. If you are still dependent on someone else, then they can do it to you. They can wipe you out by leaving or control you by threatening to leave.