We would like to make several suggestions to help your blended family succeed. Each person is very different and must be treated as an individual. Children age six to eleven quite often are rule-oriented, may be very protective of the first family, and may strongly resist any blending process. Teens, on the other hand, are usually struggling to establish their own identity. They may find that having to work on their own growth, plus adapting to the blended family, is an emotional overload.
Parents tend to be ahead of the children in blending the family.
After all, you probably didn't take the kids out on your dates, so they may be three months to a year behind the adjustments that you and your new spouse have made. You also need time to work through the previous death or divorce. As a general rule, a minimum of one year is needed to adjust to such a loss. It's necessary to go through a full year cycle without the mate at any holiday, birthday, vacation, or special occasion. More time may be required if there is deep-seated grief or guilt attached to the former relationship.