Use a fake name. Likewise, precious few would read my column if they knew that my real name was Poindexter Gummerbeetle. If you are assigned a research paper on Hinduism and Technology, turn in a haiku on dirt-biking instead. Your professor will admire your creativity, even if this admiration isn't reflected in your grade. You should also call your professor dirty names in your work.
Professors love that.
Always write by hand. Think of the computer or typewriter as an obstacle that comes between you and your work. The only great writing is that done by hand, sloppily, with drawings in the margins and the coherency level of quantum physics. Remember that mediocre writers strive for readability. Use cool fonts.