Unfortunately, these efforts have proven unfruitful. If we are to find a new Evil Empire, we must start taking a more proactive approach. Though tryouts are not until next week, Albright said the State Department has already received a number of impressive preliminary proposals. We've also gotten an unexpectedly strong proposal from the Kazakhstani delegation, which says they have four of Russia's missing nuclear missiles and will use them against the U.S. unless we release 450 Kazakhstani Muslim extremists currently held in Western prisons. That was certainly a pleasant surprise.
Nobody wins when there's peace.
General Electric CEO Jack Welch, who was also at the meeting, agreed. Our profits are down 43 percent from 10 years ago. Something had to be done. Once the tryouts conclude, Albright said, the State Department will spend a week evaluating the proposals before announcing its choice on Nov. 9. The new U.S. enemy will be formally anointed in a special treaty-breaking ceremony, in which President Clinton and the leader of the rival nation will sever diplomatic ties with the ceremonial burning of 1,000 doves.