For English, more than half of the information is not in the words but in the body language, including the intonation of the voice. Any time you hear a lot of extra stresses and emphasis on words or parts of words, you should be on the alert. Ignore the bait. Respond directly to a presupposition. I won't play that game.
Nobody can carry on a verbal attack alone.
It takes two people - one to be the attacker, and one to be the victim. The more you do that, the worse the situation will get. Instead of doing that, use this third technique and break out of the loop. It's not true that victims of verbal abuse are helpless to protect themselves or that their only defense is to be even more abusive than the attacker. It's not true that verbal abusers can't change their language behavior, or that doing so will mean sacrificing their self-respect.