It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut. Never leave your opponent with the sole responsibility for thinking of all the things that might go wrong with his shot. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts. It's not a gimme if you're still away.
Nothing straightens out a nasty slice quicker than a sharp dogleg to the right.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree. It's often necessary to hit a second drive to really appreciate the first one. A stroke does not occur unless it is observed by more than one golfer. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. It's always winter somewhere.