In order to accommodate the necessary acceptable wideworld new imagery for lesbians, we all, okay, many of us, have internalized, not the homophobic message, but the asexual one. So the only time that we even dare its whisper in public is in those extraordinary moments when, even on subways or in cafes, it is physically impossible not to touch. Which tells me why so many straights only see us when we are touching each other and their embarrassment. I'd read the memo, and as David said earlier, looked in the mirror, and discovered it worked. Being asexual friends is just fine.
Many lesbians choose it.
But that is a choice. Not a default. And nearly as I can tell, the textbook definition of lesbian, at core, has a great deal to do with sex. I say it's time to put it back into our lives and vocabulary. Being a lesbian, as we all know is hard work, and comes with high price tags.