We can develop a real personality to replace the pseudo personality that has led to such chaos. You mentioned earlier that you hated being abusive. When you are wounded in early childhood you never reach the age of decision emotionally. Many times you know what you should do, but you are driven by your irrational belief systems and survival methods to maintain control. You end up doing what you hate because you are driven by your wounds and unresolved conflicts.
Many people are skeptical about the possibility of recovery for abusive men.
If I can do it, anyone can. I was deeply lost in the abusive process and deeply wounded by childhood trauma. It's not an easy thing to recover from. It's hard work. But it is possible.