The week got off to a nerve-wracking start today as Last Days visited the Safeway grocery store on 15th Avenue, where our eyes were scalded by a sight so terrible we were tempted to kill ourselves and everyone we've ever met while screaming the day and date at the top of our lungs. There in the refrigerated section, chilled and glistening like creamy yellow harbingers of doom, sat innumerable cartons of holiday egg nog . We have two and a half months to find out.
Police say the twins offered to help with the bags, then shoved their way into the apartment.
One of the twins dragged the woman to the bedroom, beat her with a plastic jug of water, then raped her in front of her son. Once again the stiff, prissy Gore clobbered the dumb, lumpy Bush, and once again Bush somehow came out ahead, securing a small but crucial lead over his opponent 16 days before the election. It made me wish Martin Sheen were our real president. The president's statement punctures the previous theory attributing homosexuals' and African Americans' support of Clinton to gay men's understanding of the appeal of receiving oral sex in unseemly locales, and African American men's understanding of the appeal of a pretty lady with her big ass shoved in a thong. Unfortunately, Last Days was unable to watch the program, as David Letterman ceased being amusing to us once we turned 14.