It is generally believed that as soon as children are old enough to talk, the job of parents is to help them express their wants and feelings using words rather than tears or outbursts of rage. Even people who recognize crying as a sign of stress and frustration sometimes consider crying to be an unnecessary byproduct of stress. They assume that children will feel better once they stop crying. This belief may lead to efforts to distract children from their crying. On the other hand, there is an increasing tendency to regard crying as a beneficial expression of feelings that has therapeutic value.
Many therapists encourage children to cry, especially in situations involving loss.
Therapists assume that crying is an important and necessary part of the grieving and recovery process. John Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, pointed out that failure to accept a child's painful emotions can have negative consequences. He claimed that children should be allowed to express their grief openly by crying during situations of separation or loss. He also felt that children should be allowed to express anger at their parents. The result of all this contradictory advice is that parents often wonder what to do when children cry or rage.