Negative interpretations - occur when one partner consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case. The actions of one partner are interpreted negatively and unfairly. Research tells us that people tend to see what they expect to see in others and in situations. In distressed relationships, the partners tend to discount the positive things they see, attributing to causes such as chance rather than to any positive characteristics of the partner. Escalation - occurs when partners negatively respond back and forth to each other, continually upping the ante so conditions get worse and worse.
Partners tend to say things that threaten the very lifeblood of their relationship.
When escalation includes the use of intimate knowledge as a weapon, the threat to the future likelihood of tender moments is great. The bad news is that the presence of these behaviors in a relationship can indicate that it is in danger. You should probably make some changes. We also recommend Talk to Me as a good place to start if you would like to read about how to create a better relationship based on positive communication. Also visit the links page for recommendations for other qualified skills training programs including the PREP web site that has a listing of other workshops around the world.