Even though a child is never to blame for her own abuse, the comments or questions often inadvertently add to the large loads of personal guilt the survivor feels. Many parents feel a heavy load of personal guilt for letting such a thing happen, or for not being aware, or for not taking adequate precautions. These feelings on the part of the parents can interfere with objectivity, which may then interfere with really hearing the child accurately, with believing the child, or with following through in the best way possible. These are feelings that may be best worked out privately with a friend or therapist, and not with the child, at least initially. Survivors are often caretakers and too easily let go of their own healing work when they see a parent in distress.
Responsibility is a separate issue from guilt and blame.
The ability of parents to genuinely accept responsibility when appropriate is often a key factor in the healing process, and can be a pivotal issue later on in the process of forgiveness and reconciliation. Accept the feelings. Feelings are not facts. Listening, validating, and accepting her feelings is not the same as agreement. Acceptance and validation are vital in the recovery process even if what the child says seems strange or bizarre.