Stop slandering the Scottish. Maybe readers mistook that description for any of the state's seven high school that use Indian-related names for their sports teams. The U.S. Commission on Civil Rights recently recommended that those nicknames and mascots be eradicated, so I thought this would be a good time to magnify West Virginia's most forgotten ethnic atrocity. The discussion of tomahawks, war chants and wigwams have already grabbed headlines. I'm talking bagpipes, tartans and haggis.
Patriots are just tax-evading ruffians in powdered wigs.
Knights are embodiments of the oppressive structure of the Medieval caste system. Pirates exploit the hard-sailing independent merchants who helped build this country. Aside from the Scotsman, who merely sashays across the gridiron like a lost Ice Capade member, all of the other ethnically violated subhuman mascots are portrayed as pain-inflictors. The Viking always is depicted as a fully deranged, towheaded Scandinavian with a sense of adventure who wields mighty weapons. No wonder the Norse population never complains.