One after another, they tumble through my mind, flash photos of a childhood I want to forget, but that refuses to be shoved away. I am having memories. And as I shake in the middle of the night, I have to find a way to calm down, to not go crazy as I remember the past. Intrusive memories are a component of both PTSD and dissociation. Until, one day, later in life, some people begin to remember.
Memories long forgotten can rise up and come to consciousness.
Theories on this vary. Some therapists believe that if the adult feels safe when they are older, then the person will feel safe enough to finally deal with their unresolved trauma. Other theories include the thought that with age, the person can no longer maintain the dissociation that protected them, that it begins to break down. Others state that triggers in the environment, such as having children the same age the survivor was when their abuse occurred, or certain smells, sights, or sounds, can bring back memories from a long ago childhood. I do know that in my case, a stressful week combined with seeing a photo in a magazine that day that vaguely resembled my step father seemed to trigger the memory.