Our marriage is suffering and my wife refuses to go to counseling. I need to improve my communication skills. You can learn a lot and set an example for your wife. People have a lot to say about the Perfect Ann question, so I'm just going to post a pile of responses. And I disagree that the guy would see whether Ann were giving off a girl-hostile vibe.
Men tend to be oblivious to the two-facedness.
I used to have a friend in high school who, although she was well liked by all the guys, had very few female friends because she was extremely competitive, insincere and manipulative. I don't think it's that women are catty. I think we understand the subtleties of personality better than men do. There's no gender lock on sensitivity, intelligence, perceptiveness. Despite the illusions of the participants in these affairs, their colleagues usually know what's going on.