Fear drives them to hide parts of themselves from the other person or to engage in a variety of negative exchanges that inhibit understanding and prevent the growth of the relationship. God's grace motivates us to communicate love and acceptance rather than using defensive, self-serving, manipulative tactics. If, instead of the gracious communication of love and acceptance, there is invalidation, minimizing of the other person, indifference or criticism, such toxic exchanges will tend to destroy the relationship and lead to either an escalation of conflict and misunderstanding or to withdrawal and silence. Paul counsels us to stop recycling our gripes and disagreements. Here he indicates that God's grace enables us to recognise the times when we are angry and to deal with these feelings constructively.
Many people think that anger is a sin.
But anger is a God-given emotion. It acts as a warning system to tell us when we have been hurt by another person. Paul is not condemning anger but pointing out that we need to deal with our hurts and disagreements and not let the days go by without resolving them amicably. Holding on to anger leads to bitterness, resentment, and a desire for revenge. An inability to deal with anger and conflict is one of the common causes of distress and failure in marriage.