Writes script that kills all the daemons, clears all the print queues, and maybe restarts the daemons. Runs it once a hour from cron. Reads source code of new release, takes only what he likes. Well, it's upgrade time. Should take a few hours.
Hacks kernel to implement file locking.
Rewrites sendmail in assembly. Hacks kernel to . . . Locks accounts that go over mail use quota. Keeps quota low enough that people go back to interoffice mail, thus solving problem. I've got my boots and backpack.