This culture of argument leaves the couples' sense of self worth, their financial stability, and their children among the victims of the conflict. It doesn't have to be this way. There are other options for couples who share the goal of ending their marriage in a constructive way, minimizing hostility and damage to all family members. The conventional route is the one currently used by most couples. According to Tannen, divorce is perceived as a fight and emphasizes competition, winners and losers, while suppressing any cooperative impulses.
Mediation offers an alternative route to divorce.
In mediation, a neutral party meets with the couple in a confidential setting. Mediation provides an environment where the spouses can discuss the issues to be resolved in order to begin their new lives as single people and co-parents. The mediator gives no legal advice, but is instrumental in sharing parenting and financial information to help the couple explore settlement options and reach agreement for themselves and their children. Mediation does not exclude legal advice, although lawyers are generally not present in the sessions. In fact, each spouse in the mediation process should consider obtaining the advice of an attorney before and during mediation sessions and before signing the final settlement agreement.