The only type of literature these lowly forms of life ever read are subversive skateboard magazines that promote Satanism. When and if these skateboarders graduate from school they usually wind up in dead-end employment. Only a few lucky ones, who don't fall as much, become professional skateboarders. Imagine that, professional devil worshippers flying through the air on runaway missiles of urethane, wood and steel. Instead of sitting around their living rooms on weekends watching the ball games and drinking beer, these antisocial skaters go out thrashing in the streets and make all kinds of racket so true sports fans cannot even watch television in peace.
Football is a real sport.
Where normal children come straight home from school every day to watch television skateboarders would rather go outside and frolic in the fresh air. They are not normal. Another strange thing about these punk skateboarders is that they would rather go ride on the weekends than hang out with other children. They refuse to partake in socially acceptable activities such as wandering around malls, egging people's houses and getting drunk or high. They would rather be on four-wheeled Satan sticks terrorizing the city.