For many the feeling of helplessness associated with things out of control is scary. That s pretty normal. Most people aren t control freaks but want some feeling of control over what happens to them. Many of the difficult things people do have, at their core, the outcome of controlling the situation or other people s reactions. A person being difficult and creating problems is, in a sense, controlling those around him or her.
People react to a difficult person.
That allows a difficult person to manipulate, control, and influence, even if the reactions are negative. In a sense, the difficult person is creating those reactions, and there lies the reinforcement. It s kind of like parents and children. Once children know what the parents don t want them to do, they have the exact information they need to get the parents attention. Some people really are control freaks and want power over others.