If so, I'm not going to reach her very effectively through anger and blaming. It makes much more sense to make myself as happy as possible, despite life's hassles and unfairness. Think about reducing your upset over your partner's behavior as your decision to refuse to add insult to injury. In so doing, you are not only helping yourself feel better, but you will also increase the chances that your partner will hear and address your request. The next step to take is to write out a self-help form on a specific behavior of your mate's about which you are upset.
Relationships involve a lot of compromise.
Up to now, we've been discussing male-female relationships. However, the same dynamics often occur in relationships between people of the same sex. For example, the form on the next page was completed by one of my clients, Stan, who's in a relationship with Mike. Stan reported that before he had learned to reduce his disturbance, he had frequently communicated with Mike in ways that caused Mike to tune out or get angry at him. Once Stan learned to make himself less upset over the situation, he reported that he had had the calmest discussion ever with Mike and that although Mike hadn't said much, he had really listened and understood.