This is probably what motivated me to take it outside its usual environment so that I can write down how I feel at every stage. That night I almost found it. Someday I think I might. It is not something I will find alone, but rather by a dynamic combination of factors which have to be in the right place at the right time. I don't see ecstasy as escapism but rather it helps me on my journey, shows me the direction, or perhaps it helps me to see that direction, and gives me the will to follow it.
Ecstasy breaks down mental and emotional inhibitions.
Because of this I find I can think about things I wouldn't normally think about, and think about things in ways which I wouldn't normally. I find that I write better, because I can somehow find the words to express what I intend to express, and am also able to admit certain feelings to myself I would normally shy away from. And because I have access to those emotions I am better able to appreciate, understand, play and create music. This is also the dose at which I start to feel jumpy and have feelings of excitement which occur in short sharp bursts. In this way I feel that Ecstasy is an extremely selfish drug.