You want to die. Your eyes are sunken and filled with blood. You drift in and out of consciousness as they dope you with higher and higher doses of Morphine and other powerful drugs. You want to die.
Life is now like a dream, interrupted only by sharp momentary pain.
You see the tears of your relatives yet you cannot recognize their faces. When the living cannot live in peace and the dying cannot die in peace, life becomes meaningless. You want to die in euphoria without the dreadful pain. You want to celebrate your life. You want to die with a happy heart and a happy face, because that is how you want to be remembered.