Ask and let them. Communicate all of this openly with the spirit of your loved one on the other-side. Ask that all you think and feel be as prayer to make everything as easy as possible for them. Express your love often and that it will always be. Try to celebrate and honour in remembering them with joy.
Loss is deep and devastating.
Give yourself time for healing. Discover what works best for you. Do all you can to eliminate feelings of regret, guilt or shame. They are usually neither appropriate nor necessary. Love and take extra splendid care of yourself.