And we shouldn't try. There are some of us, in fact, who put far too much emphasis on exterior appearances. But surely the Biblical way is a balance between a nervous self-consciousness about every wrinkle and pound and gray hair on the one side, and on the other side a thoughtless negligence that gives no attention to the way our partner would like us to dress or eat or bathe or act in public. The exhortation of this scripture is that we should be sexually satisfying to our spouses, in order to head off the temptation to seek satisfaction elsewhere. Don't infer from this that, if your partner does not satisfy you, you have the right to go seek satisfaction elsewhere.
Marriage is infinitely more than sex.
Besides frequency of sexual relations and attractiveness to each other, satisfaction also depends, in the third place, on the overall quality of the relationship. If there is anger or bitterness or resentment or hurt feelings, we don't usually touch each other, let alone embrace. So this text is also an exhortation to humble ourselves and repent and seek forgiveness and renewal in our marriages. Pat Repp wrote me a letter after missions week and raised the question whether BBC could be a pace-setting church not only in the cause of frontier missions but also for the cause of marriage and family ministries. The resources are here.