This myth is based on the fairy stories we all hear as children. Because these stories tell about stepmothers who are not kind, nice or fair, we may be confused about our roles when we become stepmothers. We are nice people, wanting to do a good job, but the world seems to have another idea about stepmothers. This negative concept of the stepmother role impacts us in a very personal way and we may be very self-conscious about our stepparenting. Research tells us that stepmothers have the most difficult role in the stepfamily.
People are optimistic and hopeful when they remarry.
They want life to settle down and to get on with being happy. Because stepfamilies are such complicated families, the time it takes for people to get to know each other, to create positive relationships, and to develop some family history is significant, usually at least four years. Children will always have two biological parents, and will adjust better if they can access both. This means they need to be able to see their nonresidential parent and to think well of him or her. Sometimes visitation is painful for the nonresidential parent, but it is very important to the child's adjustment and emotional health, except in those rare instances of parental abuse or neglect.