After I was baptized in the Holy Spirit I prophesied. Whatever gift God gives you, if you use it to His glory, then you are justified before Him. Let all things be done decently and in order. Now press on to the higher calling in the process of sanctification and put the past behind you. You cannot change the past, only the future and that is by living each day at a time and striving to walk in the spirit.
Perfect love casts out all fear.
Know that you do love the Lord and that He loves you and prove that love by reaching out to others. It has been suggested that the blasphemy of the Holy Ghost belongs to those who have tasted of the heavenly grace and then fallen away from it. That can also be forgiven if a person repents. The context of the passage is ascribing the devil to the works of God. And if a kingdom be divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.