Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training. Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. You have fallen over backwards. Have yourself leashed to the bar.
Mouth contains cigarette butts.
You have fallen forward. Beer tasteless and the front end of your shirt is wet. Mouth not open or glass applied to the wrong face. Retire to the restroom and practice in the mirror. Find out if you are being taken to another bar.