Wait a minute. He represents the pageantry of the Church, all the shiny things intended to keep our minds occupied instead of a substantial representation of divinity. When someone starts speaking in tongues it is because the Holy Ghost ground out a lit cigar on their chest. Jesus has a parachute license. Heaven is full of naked babies and rainbows.
Oral sex puts women to sleep.
The Church made a good choice in dictating only women could be nuns. Christ can walk on water better than anyone else, but his floor routine needs work. Everybody appreciates a naked woman on horseback. Homosexuals cannot stand mariachi music. Jesus is also a licensed chiropractor.