I try, but the dreams don't come. I'm so tired. So tired of pretending to be strong, pretending to be okay, pretending to be normal. I think I'm afraid life will touch me again and it hurts too much to be touched. But I long to be touched.
Nothing makes sense.
Yesterday I had one of those unexpected respites when, for a little while, my heart didn't hurt. It seemed as if you were still here but temporarily gone from my view. I noticed and caught myself wondering if this is what it feels like to heal. If someone had said something funny, I think I could have laughed. It was odd.