I think back to my own teens, hard years no matter what, but harder if you're without pursuits to make you feel good about yourself. Kids may say they don't want to sign up for things, but they're wrong. Look at Klebold and Harris. Clearly, they needed pursuits, and found some. Too bad their parents didn't direct them to better ones.
Many parents try to impart that with praise alone.
But the deepest sense of self, he said, comes from what kids achieve. It comes from mastering new skills, finding places to belong. Too often, well-meaning mothers and fathers get that backward. If our kids panic at the thought of a class or sport, we fear we'll make them more insecure by insisting they go. So we let them back away.