There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle. Of course I'm against sin. I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy. A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.