Thus, this kind of chosen love requires that we over come mixed and negative messages from our past. It requires that we quit sending such messages to ourselves. We must renew self-esteem, because we are loved by God. If someone loves me, I must have worth, significance. In the context of marriage, if I do not feel loved, the differences that surface are magnified.
Love is unconditional.
This question is a real question from a real situation. Such is based in hurt, helplessness, problems. Anger held inside becomes hate. Many couples have never learned unconditional love. We continue to be demanding and condemning, and thus destroy marriages.