Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. Your taste buds are so numb you can eat chilis raw. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. People can test their batteries in your ears. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. You'd be willing to spend time in Turkish prison.