Gayle Peterson Gayle Peterson, MSSW, PhD is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development. You clearly have a preference for seeing your daughter as more outgoing and daring than she apparently is right now. While controlling her bodily functions was a big step in her development, simultaneously relinquishing her bottle may have put her over the edge. When children take a large developmental step, such as becoming toilet trained, they often initially need more soothing in other areas. Giving up the bottle, which is a self-soothing mechanism cuts off her ability to comfort herself at a time when she has challenged herself the most.
Regression is natural and serves to help a child adjust to a new level of growth.
For example, a four year old will temporarily enjoy a bottle for a few weeks when a new baby arrives. Or a child that has just mastered reading will want to return to an earlier mastered activity, such as riding a tricycle. Some classrooms are based on this concept, allowing a child to be challenged in the morning and return to tasks already mastered in the afternoon. Reflect on your own values for autonomy. Our culture values autonomy, often at the cost of ignoring essential emotional needs.