You absolutely don't want to do it, but you're committed to it at this point. Even in a situation like this, there is much you can learn from the process if you make up your mind to go ahead. Walk toward your cannons. Well, to me it means there is enormous value in life of walking toward that which you fear, of walking toward that which is difficult. There is enormous value in facing your problems and solving them, rather than avoiding them.
Life is difficult.
This is a fundamental truth, a great secret that nobody really tells you about. Life can be construed as a series of problems. You can avoid these problems, or you can face them. But the route that leads in the long-term to less pain and more joy is to aggressively seek out and solve them. People avoid solving problems because they are painful.