How when you were 19 you didn't show up at a family dinner, and how you never call her, never visit her, and even send her a card when she is feeling down. You know how much contact you can take and how much will ignite your internal nuclear bomb 5. It costs merely 33cents postage by snail mail, zip if your family's on email, to remember birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Chanukah and Kwanza. Whatever the occasion, a card makes people feel remembered, and when people feel remembered, they feel loved and hence, another feud is avoided. When family members feel neglected, they often will present a scenario that invites your overreaction.
Overreactions cause all-out wars.
Assess a family situation carefully, strategize, and assess your gains and loses in any given situation. For example, if your aging mom needs a weekly phone call to avoid starting a fight with you, give it to her. Practice artful dodging if necessary, call when you know she won't be there and leave a message telling her you love her and miss her. After all, it's only words. In volatile families, keeping contact limited and utilizing a cordial and polite silence to avoid fights, can often extinguish the flames that are being directed your way.