Part of the reason that we are vulnerable to this lie is that many of us were raised with religious notions that punishment is love and that suffering is redemption. As women we are taught that love is selfless devotion regardless of the pain suffered. We believe that love is pain because we keep getting hurt. Women are taught not to believe our senses or intuition. We are taught to believe that pain, suffering, and humiliation are challenges which we should look forward to because they teach us the important things in life.
Sadomasochism has to do with annihilation.
Contrary to the popular legend that sadomasochism expands one's sexuality, I believe that it restricts and ultimately destroys one's sexual being. Subordination, humiliation , and torture are all means of deliberately destroying the self. Although the violence turns my stomach, I appreciate Jan Brown's candor which cuts through the liberal rhetoric about the delights of sadomasochism, and gets to the core of the matter. Well, we lied. The power is not in the ability to control the violent image.