You will be advised not to communicate directly with your spouse. With the help of a neutral mediator, you will problem solve property and custody issues to design an agreement that works for you and your family. All the filed declarations where you and your spouse make accusations against each other to gain advantage are public records available to anyone to view, even years later by your children and grand children. There are no filed declarations making accusations against each other. You maintain your good reputation.
Mediation is a confidential process where decisions are made in a private conference room.
If custody is contested, the court will probably appoint a lawyer for your children and the lawyer will probably insist upon invasive psychological evaluations of the family. The two of you will determine what's in the best interests of your children. The Court will determine when you have custody of your children. You can try out various parenting plans to see if they work. You can modify the plans as your children get older without returning to Court.