They may fear losing a partner if they are too demanding about their wishes. When differences in family backgrounds and religious traditions are added to the normative set of potential problems attendant to the success or failure of any relationship, the risk of divorce increases. Indeed, some people seem drawn to psychologically difficult situations, fraught with conflict. Deeply committed to her faith, she wanted a marriage and a family in which her Christian beliefs would be celebrated. I could not envision how they could work out their differences, yet they were talking about getting married and having children.
Incompatibility can also stem from cultural as well as religious differences.
In one case, the man had grown up in a home in which it was clear that his sisters as well as his mother were subject to the control of his father, who made all of the basic family decisions arbitrarily, with little or no room for discussion. His fiancee on the other hand, was the product of a background in which the direct opposite was true. In her home, ideas were exchanged freely and openly. Her parents had set an example of cooperation and equality. While in some cases opposites attract, this couple had an enormous gap regarding what family relationships were all about.