The issue of taking responsibility is a tough one. The person who asks is avoiding the solution of his or her problem. Problems are painful - that's why we avoid them. But we must remember also that people who deal with problems in an effective way are the people who are called courageous or wise. There is no need for courage and wisdom without problems.
Problems are opportunities to be courageous and wise.
Here is a seemingly trivial problem to illustrate how a problem-identifying system works. One solution is to stop inviting them. They can't be good people because good people show up on time. But perhaps the angered couple likes them too much. In other words, they have a problem.