Usually the way of doing this is to identify with the behavior and manner of the parent of the same sex. This is called role-modeling, from the parents' side, and role development from the perspective of the child. OK, so you are wondering, what does this have to do with children who are abused being able to better remember their pre- and perinatal pain. Well, here is where it really does get simple . . . So it works like this.
Every attempt fails.
The child tries being one thing, then another. But there is constant abuse. There is no way the child can be right. When the child has a childhood's worth of time to erect and reinforce such an unreal personality facade, we say that he or she has grown up well. But for the abused child, that time of childhood and adolescence is spent trying out one role after another, none of which are going to be good enough, the abuse will continue no matter what the child does, says, or is.