For most families, especially in the case of miscarriage, this is the first time that parents have publicly heard their child's name. There is a brief coffee hour following the liturgy to enable persons to share their stories with each other. One woman told of her four miscarriages some 35 years ago - and of the unresolved feelings of frustration and anger that she had carried around with her. We know now that it is very important to claim mementos of our baby. Most hospitals take pictures of stillborn babies and infants who die.
Photos affirm the baby's realness.
We learn that the stages of grieving take a long time and affect all family members. Because of the short lives of their infants and because parents don't always have a chance to see, touch, or hold their dead child, family, friends, and professionals often expect mourning to be shortened or absent. Contrary to such an expectation, the death of a child during pregnancy or the death of a newborn can be as difficult as the experience of losing an older child or an adult loved one. Grandparents also grieve - for their dead grandchild as well as for their own child who is suffering the loss. Siblings often do not verbalize their feelings however they need to be included in any plans pertaining to the baby.