Then I foolishly choose a restaurant where the lights are so bright you could land a 747. I feel like a total fraud. Fortunately, things don't go that well. I rub this oily gunk in my hair. It's an ingredient in some salad dressings, and my hair does develop the texture of a Caesar salad.
Months go by with no new hair.
I may as well be rubbing pepper onto my head. I grab some from my seldom used spice rack. The pepper is old and clumped, but I figure it can't be that bad for my hair. So I pour it on and rub it in. Standing there with pepper on my head, I wonder why the pepper would get chunky.