But as many kids admitted during our conversations, they'd been so busy pushing their parents away that it was hard for them to ask for guidance when they needed it. The good news is that even normally reticent kids give clues that they're ripe for opening up. Sure enough, my kids will eventually end up telling me what's on their minds. Focus on the moment at hand. But this concentration is what children need most.
Many kids are fully aware of their parents' failure to do just that.
This flightiness can leave kids feeling as if they can't count on you to be there. So next time you sit down to talk with your child, clear your mind, put all your other worries on pause and focus on her alone. Take an indirect approach to sensitive topics. If there's a particularly touchy issue you want to discuss, such as premarital sex, open the door by talking about other people who've dealt with a similar situation. You might say, for instance, that you recently read an article about middle school kids feeling pressure to have sex, then ask your child what she thinks about it.