I have used this ritual a number of times and have found it extremely helpful. The trees I have chosen are mostly in my backyard and stand as reminders to me of my grief, pain, and healing. Death professionals have long been confounded by the difference between men and women in visiting gravesites. The men tend to visit more often. The above ideas should give us a deeper understanding of why this takes place.
Men tend towards linking their grief with a place, action, or thing.
These activities are often quiet and unseen by most people. A woman's world, according to Tannen, revolves around her intimacy and connection with others. We would expect that when a woman experiences the chaos of grief, a primary mode of healing will be connecting her pain with her intimacy to others. You will be more likely to seek out modes of healing that will be harmonious with your interest in maintaining independence. I know for myself, and for many men, the verbal connection is facilitated by connecting it with some action, place, or thing.