Many victims resort to acts of appeasement and forgiveness. However, in reality, victims are unable to stop the cycle because they do not cause the assaults. Only the batterer has control of his behavior. Remember, the victim does not cause this abuse. There is no excuse for abuse.
Many people believe that domestic violence starts with the batterer s desire for power and control.
The batterer is usually the decision-maker in the relationship on issues of finances, social activities, politics, and discipline. Some batterers take advantage of the already existing imbalance of power to extend that power over the victim. Victims with few alternative power sources often have no place to go to escape. The phases described here reflect the abuse in many relationships. Imagine a diminishing circle spiraling downward.