Eventually, I discovered that when I was depressed and suicidal, I was only tuning into one very limited aspect of my experience - my depressed and suicidal thoughts. However, through listening to myself, I was able to hear and identify other thoughts and feelings. Some of these thoughts and feelings were profound and self-loving and as such, highly useful. I am a good person. If they just knew how bad I am feeling, they would understand.
Nobody seems to understand.
It seems that people who don't care don't get hurt. I care a lot about people. I even care about animals. My stomach is rumbling. I hardly have enough energy to eat.