Be concise, but don't abbreviate etc. Those of us who have paid by the word for queries to be published are in the habit of condensing the information as much as possible. Do not capitalize the whole query, because that makes it harder to read, and in computer language it is shouting. Don't crowd your query with too many surnames. It's much better to have several separate queries than one which contains ten or twelve different names.
Readers have a tendency to skip queries that are too long and wordy.
A good query can be one of the most productive means of locating the information you need.