They, and we, have occasionally seen men feel shallow remorse or tell us what they think we want to hear. Some just don't get it, and jail is the usual consequence. I have no problem being finished with him. Struggling with any client who isn't invested in owning the work makes him worse, not better. The peace and poise with which they sit in group shows everyone what commitment, courage, and painful self-work can achieve, and we often invite them back as volunteers.
Many therapists assume that self-examination and insight lead to responsibility and change.
If anything, our men demonstrate the reverse. They come to us with ruined lives and destroyed self-esteem and are told that although society and their victims hate them, if anything, more than they hate themselves, they have a chance to turn themselves around. No matter how dominated they are by the multitude of pathogenic dynamics we know they suffer from, they are invited to use whatever freedom and energy and determination are left to them to get serious about moving forward while gathering self-knowledge, strength, and skills on the way. Without that first decision, that key commitment, whatever they learned would take them nowhere. It takes courage, and humility, to know you're a mess and walk forward anyway.