I made millions and deliberately ruined my businesses many times in 20 years. I want to read and write and learn. I HATE business. So, what I once used to interpret as self defeating or self destructive behaviour - I now know was an effort at salvaging myself. I am numb and dumb as usual.
Narcissism is a defence mechanism.
An integral and important part of it is the ability not to feel anything. Moreover, by now you surely know all this. So, you must be doing this on purpose. You are nefarious and pernicious. You are a cunning, malevolent housewife who tries to reduce him to your default option of incompetence, inaptitude and inadequacy.