The advice of STOP NEWS NOW, a coalition of health care professionals, comes too late for this November's epidemic. Most scientists agree that viewing too many election related spectacles and surfing too many political Web sites may cause a NEWS attack. To prevent it, they urge voters to reduce their exposure to election coverage. Not only will this help stave off NEWS, but it clears the mind of confusing clutter, stimulates brain activity, and unblocks obstructed mucous membranes. Historically, it strikes pundits, politicians, and talk show hosts first.
Politicians disappear amid rumors that doctors are surgically removing their smiles.
If either symptom appears, consult your physician immediately. The treatment for NEWS takes more than three years, requiring a gradual withdrawal from campaign coverage under medical supervision. During the first week you watch 60 hours of election commentary reruns. As the months progress, these programs are replaced by vital current telecasts such as infomercials and bad-boy sports guy dirt. If you follow this regime strictly, you should recover just in time for Campaign 2004.