It is complicated, and I do not fully understand it myself. But these armies of soldiers march into a land and conquer it. The plunder they take is sent back to the cities of stone where their rulers live. With this plunder they create more armies of soldiers, and conquer more lands. Heroes come in many forms.
Life is full of choices.
Had I been carrying a burden , I would have done just that. It matters not what I think. You did what you did. Nothing can change it now. I don't know.