Descriptiive copy Just as characters are altered by their experiences, descripton should alter to fit the required reader experience. The scene in chapter twelve is a good example. Jane and Ben are racing through a maze of ghetto alleys in pursuit of Dutch Savage, but your descriptive structure and terminology better fit a love scene in an eighteenth century romantic novel. It is too languid, too fluid for an action scene. Imagine the description here as a series of bullets popping up and whizzing off to richochet away.
Punchy style is needed here.
Your objective is to make the reader feel as breathless in the reading as your characters are in the telling. You have two breaks in the plot in this story. An up and down action is important, but total stops must be avoided. Editors will put the book down and read no farther when they come to one. Your sale is then gone.