See the readings I sent on generalizations and specific evidence. Consonant with your persuasive intentions, the example has to be unpleasant but intriguing. Farther on, you're smart to discuss the tutorial by showing some typical remarks. As you know, conscious artistry is how one becomes good. Athletes worry about where they place their feet, how they bend their elbows, which muscles flex when.
Plumbers worry about how to get the solder smoothly all the way around a pipe joint.
Actually, we think about what we're doing until, like typing, it becomes so second nature that we don't think about it. Your point about why you write the way you write is well made, important, worth remembering. The conclusion is nice. It edges toward cute without crossing the border. This is good work, especially considering that you were on vacation at the time.