They are chemical imbalances in the brain. We are a holistic mind-body system. Codependent individuals experienced a traumatically empty childhood. Their present-day relationships are empty. They attempt to use others, their mates, friends, and children, as their source of identity, self-esteem, value and well being in an attempt to restore childhood emotional losses.
Most codependent individuals are unaware that they are doing so.
Having received little real nurturing ourselves, we try to vicariously fill this unmet need by becoming a caregiver, especially toward people who appear needy. Terrified of abandonment, we will do anything to hold on to a relationship and avoid painful abandonment feelings. We first experienced these feelings while living with people who were never there emotionally for us. Accustomed to lack of love in personal relationships, we are willing to wait, hope and try harder to please. We are willing to take far more than 50 percent of the responsibility, guilt and blame in any relationship.