No well-functioning, mentally healthy person engages in domestic violence. Nothing justifies domestic violence. All attempts at rationalizing and justifying it are to be repudiated. Perpetrators are responsible for every act of violence that they commit. No victim is ever the cause of violence done to him or her, nor does he or she ever deserve it.
Perpetrators choose violence and are accountable for their decision.
The victim is responsible for staying in a relationship with a violent partner. It is always up to the victim to exit such a relationship. Domestic violence occurs in the gay and lesbian community with the same or greater frequency as in the heterosexual community. Violence is learned at home by imitating and modeling significant others, and through many other societal and psychological mechanisms. Violence in the home can be stopped.