Stepfamily adjustment will be helped if we come to the relationships with our stepchildren with minimal, and, therefore, more realistic, expectations about how the relationships will develop. We may then be pleased when respect and friendship blossom and less disappointed if it takes more time than we anticipated. Children go through a painful period of adjustment after a divorce or remarriage. Adults often respond to their children's pain with guilt. This leads to difficulties in responding appropriately to our children's hurt and setting appropriate limits - an important part of parenting.
Researchers have hopeful news about children of divorce and remarriage.
Although it takes some time, most children do recover their emotional equilibrium. Five and 10 years later most are found to be no different, in many important ways, from kids in first marriage families. This myth is based on the fairy stories we all hear as children. Because these stories tell about stepmothers who are not kind, nice or fair, we may be confused about our roles when we become stepmothers. We are nice people, wanting to do a good job, but the world seems to have another idea about stepmothers.