We can encourage one half of the family to see that the children live in two families, and that the other half should not be ignored. And we can encourage absent parents to be involved by inviting them to sessions, calling them or writing them. We shouldn't collude with one parent's resistance to involving the other parent. Research shows that half of noncustodial parents gradually lose all contact with their children. That's a lot of children left longing for their absent parents and a lot parents living lives with missing pieces.
Incomplete relationships create misery.
Not only are parents' ties to their children timeless, but the connection between parents lasts a lifetime as well. We need to help our clients see life as mysterious, complex and unresolved. A parenting plan that works when a child is seven may not work at all when she is 15. We need to help our clients understand the need to stay open to change and to respond to their children's desire to know both parents fully. The more children are connected to both parents and to their larger families, the more they can leave home in a healthy way.