This column is the first of a trilogy in which we will probe some of the myths and mis-information about three words that are very important in the process of Grief Recovery. It is almost a pleasure to write about forgiveness rather than talking about it. There is no subject that provokes more argument, more rigidity, or more pain than the idea of forgiveness. In fact, if forgiveness were not such an important stepping stone to successful Grief Recovery, we would not bring it up at all. Forgiveness is one of the least understood concepts in the world, and is especially problematic in English speaking countries.
Most people seem to convert the word forgive into the word condone.
The definitions in our Webster's Dictionary illustrate the problem. If we believe the two words to be synonymous, it would be virtually impossible to forgive. The implication that we might trivialize a horrible event is clearly unacceptable. However, if we used the top definition of forgive we would be on the right track. That resentment might create and consume a lot of energy which in turn might mask the pain and sadness about the death of the child.