It was not until I saw your grave that I learned your real name was Apollonia and not Nena. It was not until I touched the cool white concrete that I realized you were inside this box away from touch forever. Lola, I should have come to see you, even if it was while you were lying in state in the front room, even if you could not hear my last words whispered to you. I would have seen you in your favorite dress, which was green with a lace jacket your niece had made for you. Mom said, Leave regrets to the wind.
Nothing changes what is done.
V. Lola, this is how I remember you always, hating you when I was in the fourth grade because you refused to let me boil water by myself. You said I was too young and would burn myself. Lola, this is how I remember you always, leaving the United States for good because of cold weather, boarding the plane in Norfolk at the end of February. Lola, the day after you left, I went into your room and found the stuffed dog we gave you for Christmas. I was so distressed you left it behind.