What a delicious seduction, to think you can do what you feel like to your kids. Too bad this assumption is completely wrong. And now let me reassure you that parents matter deeply to a whole lot of kids. Infants raised in orphanages lose height and head circumference the longer they remain in institutional care. When they join families early enough, they often catch up.
Parents can shape babies' bodies and brains.
Those kids have better learning and problem-solving abilities at 3 and 6 years of age than similar kids whose parents received no help. Parents who were abused themselves are more likely to abuse their own children if they don't get help. Parents can pass their pain on to their children. Parents can be negatively affected by their child's circumstances and find it even harder to parent. The growth of our kids is so plastic and wondrous that it is impossible to nail down cause or effect with certainty.