The music changes, the arrangement is renegotiated, and the roles change. Some of us are naturally comfortable in the role of leader, and take the initiative more often than not. Others of us prefer to step back and survey the territory before making our move, considering our options, and prefer the other person make the first move regarding suggesting a movie, initiating sex or starting a conversation. Vibrant, lively relationships require an ability to move beyond what we have grown accustomed to in the past. If we stay stuck in old patterns, many of us will become bored and find our relationships unfulfilling and we will come to feel stifled or unhappy.
Pursuers often look like romantics.
They not only take the lead, they often appear very giving and generous. They may also be manipulative, constantly seeking reassurance and control in the relationship. Distancers may look passive on the outside. Inside, they fear they will be engulfed by their partners and lose their sense of self. What develops between the partners involved is a power struggle to establish who is in charge.