Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions. Dogs like beer. Dogs don't hate their bodies. Dogs don't criticize. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've ever had. Dogs don't let a magazine article guide their lives. Dogs don't cry. Dogs love it when your friends come over. A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.