If my actions or words threaten his needs, then to me, that means that he is dependent on my energy for those needs. And that's OK, but not to the point of depletion. I mean her own life, hobbies, a job, friends, etc. You mentioned busy schedule, and lack of intimacy. Maybe you have just grown away from her.
People change as a marriage progresses, and acceptance of that change by each partner is important.
You are not responsible for your W's feelings, you don't own those, they belong to her. Look into your self and if you open your eyes you can see the answers you seek. I send my love to you, John. Just remember that you can't save your marriage by your self. Before you even attempt that, as the Bible says, To Thine Own Self Be True.