I wish that I didn't know what they did and how they did it. Ironically, the reason that I investigated so heavily is because I wanted to know that they DIDN'T have sex. I know things that he still will not admit to. In ways I am glad that I do know, too. I am realistic and I would rather face the reality of a situation.
Marriage is a partnership, and if one partner keeps secrets, then it becomes an uneven partnership.
My imagination is bad enough to deal with. Even now, almost 2 years since the whole nightmare started I get imaginary pictures in my head sometimes. I'll look at my H and think about how far we have come since then or get busy doing something to take my mind away from those hurtful images. I know for all of you who are living this nightmare up close it is easier said than done. Feel it, grieve it and then let it go.