Therefore, for stepmoms who've never been married before, there is a loss of the expectation of what their marriage would be like and also the very real loss of not having their beloved completely to themselves for at least a little while. And some of us also carry a vast amount of guilt over not being able to provide a forever-family for our kids. I love this man so I will naturally love his children. If I'm nice enough, thoughtful enough, patient enough, perfect enough, the kids will like me and be happy that I'm in their lives. That her new husband will automagically be the father her kids deserve and need.
Kids can use all the adult friends and mentors they can find.
One stepmom I know is a very spiritually minded artist. Her two step-daughters seemed very interested in both spiritual exploration and artistic endeavors. One of the girls became a minister and the other is a graphic artist. That is a wonderful example of complementary mothering. Take care of yourself emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.