I'm supposed to be better, or at least on the fast track. My wife can't even stand to look at my arm. When I cut myself, I feel white heat, release of energy, lightness over- coming the constant darkness surrounding me. My doctor tells me it's simply endorphin release. More addictive than Xanax or Klonopin.
People ask questions.
The path out of hell is marked by the bodies of the well- intentioned. Understanding, perhaps, diligence, staying the course, the meds. I know - on the kisses of hell surrounding me to comfort and protect me, even as the blood flows. A quick awakening, Tubes everywhere, In my hand, up my Nose, a forest of Tubes, and where Am I - another Hospital. I drift Back and several Days later am fit To talk to the doctor.