Unlike a judge or an arbitrator, the mediator does not make decisions for the parties involved. Rather than assign blame or fault, the mediator focuses on helping people find a solution. At the outset of a mediation, the disputing parties are typically caught in blame and hostile feelings toward each other. When they break the cycle of blame and stop finding fault with each other, they find themselves better able to move forward to resolve the issues that originally gave birth to the mutual hostility. Mediators are neither counselors nor therapists.
Mediators help focus attention on specific problems or issues.
The mediator guides those in conflict through a series of problem-solving steps so they can find their own solutions. For a mediation to realize its full potential for transforming the negative relationship between disputants, the parties need to engage themselves wholeheartedly in the mediation process. The following, fairly typical mediation, recently took place in a meeting room at a local community center. The names have been changed to protect the confidentiality of the participants. The mediator, Ms. Borden, is at the head of the table.