Every man has a scheme which will not work. Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a larger can. The quantity which must be multiplied by, divided by, added to or subtracted from the answer you get to give the answer you should have got. An object will fall so as to do the most damage. The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.