Two Americans armed with pistols and tobacco can defeat most South American armies. Radio waves from a portable console can penetrate miles of rock and water. Military operations are characterized by many soldiers wandering around in the background. The first thing a drunk blonde will notice is your tongue size. Deep caves are abundantly lit by fly larva.
Pistols are least effective as a club.
Caves are filled with fog. Albinos can scream loud enough to make rock shatter. It's a stalagmite. Not a good start buddy. Sure hope this woman isn't the sexy female lead.