I'm happy as a clam. I can tell when the bug is coming, I sleep more and I'm an insomniac, so when my friends find me actually sleeping, they know to watch out because depression is on the way. I just came out of a three week depressive slide. Now should be my time to just sit and watch the season go by, enjoying all it has to offer. But then come the invitations for dinners, parties, etc.
Panic attacks begin to set in.
I can't attend these functions like I used to. Of course I was usually half lit myself and that helped me withstand and ward off any panic that would seep into my mind. But now I'm clean and don't have the safety of that alcohol to give me courage. So another reason I cannot go. Once I get a good manic episode going full bore, nothing can stop me from doing what I want.