You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them. You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance. More than clothes come out of the closets. You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
Smoking in your office is not optional. You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach. Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks. Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news. You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hottub repairman.