Losses like these are permanent life changes. Grief recovery means learning to live without that one and finding joy again in spite of your pain. In the first place, nothing comes easy about the experience of grief. When reality comes home, we get disillusioned. Some people also have a sense that their church community expects them to act as if nothing major has happened.
Most people seem to have unreal expectations about the intensity and duration of their grief.
This is due in part to the fact that it is so painful, the idea of it lasting for years is overwhelming-as if you had to anticipate tolerating a toothache for the next three years or so. If depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. persist for weeks or months, perhaps seeming to intensify, it's time to seek professional intervention. I always tell people that if they wonder whether or not they should seek help, do. There is no shame in getting professional psychological help. It's just a shame to not get all the resources you can for life's most difficult task.