When you ask the cruise director where the lifeboat is, he points to a fat guy. It's 10 AM, and Captain Hazelwood has a thermos full of martinis. Not only is Kathie Lee there, but also that elephant that tramples people. Ship doctor only qualified to give tattoos 4. You have to share a room with Captain Stubing.
Gopher is an actual gopher.
You wake up with barnacles all over your ass.