I ve tried pushing it aside, ignoring it, disguising it, denying it. It doesn t work, doesn t help. Not this time. Winter seems to be the universal time for sadness, reflection, being alone and lonely. Sunny weather is repressive when you need to feel sad, sometimes.
People are happy and smiling and it s difficult to be sad in that kind of crowd.
I remember not too long ago, when my most recent difficulties with E happened, I wrote that I felt like the day was oppressively sunny. Maybe this is partially why I had that feeling. This will be a time for me to embrace the sadness, the hurt. To feel it, work through it. And hopefully when spring comes again, my dues will be paid, my time in lonely greyness spent, and I will emerge reborn and with new convictions, as is so often the case.