Forgive yourself because you did the best you could, I am sure and so did your husband, so forgive him too. It is often that we blame failing relationships and other problems on others. It usually is wrong. Get on with the business of living. Take stock of all of you as you are and move on.
Indulgence is a form of abuse.
It is through catering to the child's every need, whim and desire that we chain her to use. We transform our children to extensions of ourselves by being subservient, submissive, overbearing. Do not be afraid, even now, to refuse, to set rules, to draw the line. She might throw temper tantrums and try to commit suicide again. If this is her chosen mode of communication, there is little you can do about it.