The partner's imperfections are experienced as a personal assault. This broken individual desperately needs to feel invincible, to win, and be in control. If that's all there is , there is intense pressure to hold onto it. Emotional closeness and reciprocity threaten the little power angry people have. Clinging to rigid standards of perfection, the abusive individual cannot operate honestly.
Honest reality is dangerous.
It threatens the little emotional stuff being right affords. With this agreement comes the short-lived satisfaction of having won. Dana's guilt and shame over her outburst caused her to accept Bob's blame and table her initial outrage. Since partners are imperfect, they will disappoint. Reality may be distorted to justify whatever it takes to be right.