A problem that remains unsolved is a thorn that stays in your heart. You may be able to identify the dynamics that ensured the previous failures. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have written a series of great books for us. Couples therapy probably shouldn't be put off since you have both been so horribly wounded, and since a therapist's office gives you such a safe place to work on things. Come here often.
New stuff goes in all the time.
Be prepared to work hard. Know that some of the work will be painful. Each of you needs to talk and each of you needs the support of the other. Be ready to be responsible to each other in this. God bless you both.