In either case, the healing is incomplete. No matter how long ago the loss occurred, it's crucial to allow yourself to feel the emotions you may have suppressed. They're all normal, and they need to be let out. Nothing perpetuates the impact of old hurts more than rehashing them in your mind. It's like watching the same movie over and over again in the hope that the ending will change.
Peace comes from accepting what was for what it was and moving on.
Even better than acceptance is gratitude. You may even find that you're grateful for your troubles because of what you learned from them and because of the person they made you. Break the habit of blame. Blaming your problems on people and events from your past is really useful. It means that you're not responsible for anything that happens to you, it protects you from self-doubt, and it brings you the cozy sympathy of others.