Don't put that thing in your mouth, you don't know where it's been. Wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident and have to go to hospital. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I know it's not fair. Life isn't fair.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids. Real Mothers know that dried playdough doesn't come out of shag carpets. Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up. Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measure by height or years or grade . . .