Instead of saying clearly what we want, we complain, become passive or withhold affection. We hint or suggest, whine, tease or even lie. We use power, but mostly in destructive ways, not in winning ways. We could get much more, more effectively, if we weren't afraid of being outwardly powerful. There is no shame in being powerful.
Powerful people feel good about winning.
Developing that feeling about yourself is important. There has been countless advice for men on the exercise of power. Consider The Prince , The Art of War , or any current book on leadership. All suggest dominance and control. They do not build on women's preference for nurturing and cooperation.