See him for who he is. Do not make him into your father or your first husband. He is an individual. Listen to what he is saying. Sticks and stones will break his bones, but words will kill his spirit.
Few things are more destructive to the bond of affinity and affection.
Treat sex as a sacred gift, not an avenging sword. Learn to be an emotional partner. Not a senior partner, not a junior partner, but an equal partner. Work together for the common goals of the relationship. Work individually to support your partner's emotional self.