As substance abuse compromises the ability of the family to function, everyone must play a part in preserving the family system. Children, like other members of the family, take on roles that are designed to allow the family to present a good image to outsiders, provide a sense of purpose and offer a way to cope with anxiety. While these roles are intended to help, they often dilute the consequences and responsibilities for the substance abuser, and inadvertently contribute to their addiction. The family hero, usually the oldest child, is the perfectionist. This child believes that if he or she is perfect, the substance abuser will be cured.
Perfectionism can range from school achievement to relationships with siblings and even cleanliness.
The family hero shoulders the responsibility of taking care of everyone. Their self-worth is predicated upon the approval of others. It is their job to make the family look good. And when they fall short, they feel like they have failed. The antithesis of the family hero is the scapegoat.