Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning around. Real teachers are written up in medical journals for the size and elasticity of their bladders and kidneys. Real teachers wear glasses from trying to read the fine print in the teacher's manual. Real teachers have been timed gulping down lunch in 2 minutes 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.
Real teachers can predict exactly which parents show up at open house.
Real teachers understand the importance of making sure every kid gets a Valentine. Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask for permission. Real teachers can teach anatomy to high school students and not hear the giggles. Real teachers know that the best end of semester lesson plans come from Blockbuster. Real teachers know the shortest distance and length of travel time to the front office.