Even with that certainty, the next six weeks took a tremendous toll on me. The disease of the week bores my friends and they want something happy now. Performances at eight and twice Saturday. Nothing is real now. I will explode from this pressure and nothing will be left of me.
Nobody calls nobody cares.
No one sees they can see right through me because I'm not here. Every day I am less here than yesterday and no one sees, no one cares. I constantly awakened in panic with night terrors and drugfree hallucinations. I heard voices from within my head. I feared something inside beyond my control would make me kill myself.