Bolling uses a clever method. We get people to reverse their roles. We'll have two people sit down and play a game, one side tells its story, and the other side tells its story. Then we ask them to change seats, literally, now you're no longer the person you started out being, you're the other person. I want you to tell their story the way you understand their story.
People get mad about it.
Mostly they'll play the game and then as they do, they begin to think about how their own argument sounds. It's amazing what will happen when you can get people to really think through, feel through the other person's positions. If you can get people to be honest about what their needs are, what their very real interests are, they can back off from the positions they've taken. There has to be some willingness to feel your way into the pain and anger and hurt of the other person. Each side might be trying to deny what happened.