It is an honest claiming of what is going on for us underneath the words or actions that we are being confronted about and held accountable for. It requires a self-reflection and a claiming, not just a reacting, and that takes discipline.
Reactions happen automatically, that is their nature.
If not met with discipline they just continue as chain reactions. They ask nothing of us. Even infants can react. Automatic responses are just that, automatic. Accountability is a deliberate, thoughtful response.