My girlfriend allows her ex to control every aspect of her life. Often I feel second place. They have plans to move apart soon, but the actions that would lead to this move are not being accomplished. By the way, we have no commitment, but seem to be very serious.
Many women have a very hard time letting go and actually ending a relationship.
Your girlfriend is probably stuck in the patterns that she and her ex established long ago, and may not realize it. Separation is critical to the ending of a relationship, even though it is initially painful. Your girlfriend is avoiding that separation pain, but it appears to be at the expense of her relationship with you. I want to encourage you to sit with yourself and work to figure out what it is that you want from this relationship. Once you have done that, and you feel you can keep that clear in your mind, then I think you need to have a very frank discussion with your girlfriend about how you feel about her, how you feel when she slips into her other relationship pattern with her ex, and what you want from your relationship with her.