Fathers are encouraged to cut off contact with their children in the belief that it is confusing to maintain two sets of families. By making a clean break, divorced parents are able to marry again, lessening the stigma of failure and shame that many Japanese still associate with failed marriages. In several instances of alleged child abduction by Japanese men, the foreign wives were told by their husbands and in-laws that their children should be raised as Japanese, implying that nationality and culture carried more weight than maternal ties, said Benda and others. Although an increase in divorce has produced more divided families, it is rare for two Japanese parents to dispute custody or fight over their children in the courts. One evening in November 1992, he returned from work to find his wife and child gone, the house locked up and his things on the front doorstep.
Foreigners are particularly vulnerable in child custody battles.
In several cases, distraught parents have discovered that they unknowingly signed documents written in Japanese granting their spouses a divorce or transferring the guardianship of their children to spouses, grandparents or others. When Thomas hired an attorney to fight for custody of his child, his wife, Mikako, produced a document transferring the guardianship of his son to her parents. It was signed with his hanko, a seal that is used in Japan in lieu of a signature. Thomas successfully challenged the guardianship transfer in court, arguing that his hanko had been used without his knowledge. But this summer, a district court granted his wife a divorce and full custody of their son.