Dogs don't let a magazine article guide their lives. Dogs don't cry. Dogs love it when your friends come over. A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink. Anyone can get a good looking dog.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it. A dog's parents never visit.