Those who grieve are tired much of the time. Men may have grown up with the tradition that men don't cry, although they know that this is not true in their private moments. They may feel that they must maintain composure so that they may properly support their wives and children in their grief work. The family may feel that grandfathers are not grieving, although they are feeling the same doubt, guilt, anger and despair as are others. Tears have healing properties and should not be suppressed by grandparents since they are a part of grief.
Friends try to comfort with answers but, for the bereaved, no satisfactory answer exists.
Thus, grandparents must finally accept the unacceptable. This does not mean that they understand why, not that they are forgetting the dead grandchild. But what is now normal for them will never be the same as it was before the child's death. Life without that child must go on and, as healing occurs, it will. Holidays, birthdays and anniversaries, including that of the child's death, may be stressful time.