It is not who I am, or am not, making love to that is important in my striving for truth, but that I am always acknowledging my partner s unconditional worth as much as my own. Unconditional acceptance is perfect love and morality. The Zen tradition deals with sexuality within the broader category of sensual indulgence. The general rule is to avoid abuse of sensuality. This covers both over-indulgence in, and extreme deprivation of, the senses.
Most people live by extremes.
We do all of this, Zen teaches, because we think it makes us feel more valuable or real. We think it will take away that barely conscious fact that nothing, especially ourselves, is permanent. We think that if we can keep our bodies and minds occupied enough, we will not have to deal with the pain of getting old, getting sick, and dying. On the other hand, depriving the body or mind of things needed to retain health and alertness is also an abuse of the senses. Both hedonism and ascetic masochism can be violations of the Middle Path.