After my Inauguration, I'm going to nail the hottest intern or secretary that I have, then I'm going to schedule a meeting with the Postmaster General. He will provide me a list of everyone that receives a check from the gov't. I will approve funds to replace every mailman's can of mace with a semiautomatic rifle of my choosing. If you're name appears on the list of people that did not show up to the Johnny Woodcrest Open Invitational, then the mailmen nationwide will have full authority to carry out my welfare reform plan. I've come to a conclusion.
People are pussies.
That's just the long and short of it. If you knew that you would get your ass kicked by a cop for running a red light, you'd slam on your brakes at a yellow. People, this is something I've believed in forever. There needs to be consequences. So, I, Johnny Woodcrest will institute a new justice system.