Perhaps the worst thing parents can argue about in front of the children is the children. When kids discover they are Topic A, the antennae go into hyperdrive, often with wounding results. Child-rearing arguments have the biggest impact on kids, studies show. That's when they feel trapped in the middle and see themselves as the cause of the strife. Too often, they react with shame, self-blame and fear.
Kids often take responsibility for their parents' fights.
Intense drawn-out conflict sets up an emotional minefield in the home. Parents locked in marital strife sometimes unintentionally seek emotional support from their children, Cummings notes. When the roles reverse and children nurture the parents, warning flags should pop up. It is not a good sign if the child feels responsible for the parents' happiness. Explanations that absolve children from blame reduce their feelings of fear and responsibility, but explanations imputing children as the cause increase their shame and distress.