I don't want to live like a slob, but don't want to be thought of as a controlling dictator either. When there are diapers piled up on top of the pail lid tree high and his bedroom stinks, she moves the toy box into the living room and his toys are scattered everywhere. She puts the laundry in drawers in the living room to get it out of site till she can sort it. The thing is when I need something, then the hunt is on and it takes forever to find anything. When I am home, I do the dishes, water the plants, take out the trash that piles up, maintain the vehicles.
Organization is one dimension of family health.
Without enough of it, families suffer the consequences of a chaotic environment. It is true that a wide range of styles or methods for organization abound. However, it appears that your wife is simply withdrawing from the challenge of creating order, not arguing over different methods for achieving it. Do not accept motherhood as an excuse for chaos. Instead, invite your wife to be a team player.