Nothing, no one, in the outer world has enabled you to come out of this dark night. In your loneliness, you next in a seemingly random process notice that none of your thoughts have proven adequate to your suffering. Not one even repeated fifty thousand times breaks the inner storm and lets in light. God and higher consciousness seem so far away that perhaps they are unreal. Neither one has, despite your protracted exposure of yourself, done anything to ease or remove your agony.
Nothing appears efficacious.
Clearly, there is nowhere to turn. There is nothing to be done. All actions you considered have been tried. There is nothing to think, nothing to feel, nothing to do, nowhere to go. It seems you have to accept this defeat or, you can persist in struggling against it.