But if shark management is as important as the Audubon Society says it is, I want to do my part. I've come up with a plan that will make Hawaii's sharks the best-managed major ocean predators in the world. First, if you are going to be a serious player in an enterprise involving the savage consumption of other species, you need a good public presence. A dynamic Internet site is the way to go. Sure, on paper, people are winning.
People kill thousands of sharks per year.
But sharks grab a lot more headlines. After the Web site takes off, we will officially incorporate all of Hawaii's sharks. We'll have a shark CEO and an entire shark board of directors. Then, we'll file a class-action lawsuit against all those fishermen who hack the fins off of sharks and sell them for soup. With that money, we'll file with the Securities and Exchange Commission for an initial public offering.