Feelings are confusing, complicated and surprising. These emotions can escalate and become overwhelming and paralyzing. When this happens, people often put up walls and back away. Making demands on the person choosing limbo for a greater, closer relationship may only serve to widen the gap between adoptee and bmom. Bmom and adoptee confront issues, deal with losses, and move on.
Problems arise when the two sides choose different paths.
This phase is continual and includes setting goals. From the 1994 NY Triad Conference Adoptee Fears 1. That they will find their birth mother deceased 2. That they will be rejected 3. That they are a secret and their birth mother will not acknowledge their existence to herself or her family.