I began recovery from bulimia 20 years ago. Within 2 years I was not involved in the purging behavior any longer but struggled with bingeing ever since then. It would be easy for me to say that I was not bulimic after I quit purging, but the truth is that a bulimic who has not taken steps to heal her biochemistry is like a dry drunk. The purging behavior is not there, but the mood swings, irritability, fogginess, obsessive thinking and actions and impulsiveness are. I looked good from the outside but inside I was filled with self-doubt, headaches and cravings for the sweet oblivion that sugar gave me.
Perfection is part of the bulimic addiction.
We learn to compensate and become more and more deceptive. I became adept at hiding the bingeing by offering to stir, fold and bake sugar filled recipes for friends and family. Nobody knew how much I made so it was easy to binge on the pastries and cookies I made. The result was that I had sugar hangovers continually. I knew that I could not go a day without having chocolate.