You must understand our nature. We all grow up with a burning passion - a passion for burning, that is. We have all used a magnifying glass to make ants explode, squirted lighter fluid into a pile of burning leaves, and thrown an acetylene torch into the gas tank of our neighbor's blue '73 El Dorado Cadillac. I have seriously given thought to using Pork Spare Ribs in my fireplace instead of wood. I tried it once, but it is not a good idea for dog owners.
Nobody likes to walk a bald dog through the neighborhood.
Marinate the ribs for 32 minutes in a mixture of A-1 barbecue sauce and mesquite sauce. As soon as one rib detects a flame within 30 feet, they all immediately burst into flame. I'm told that more experienced cooks keep a squirt bottle near the grill to calm down any flames. The guy who shared my room at the burn unit told me he used a garden hose. I have decided that the next time I cook Pork Spare Ribs, I'm cooking them underwater.