I do have a checklist. I ask people to look for three domains. The first is self-medication. If a woman self-medicates, it's to take pain away. Men often complain of feeling nothing.
Men go numb.
The man has to have a level of intensity in order to break through the numbness and feel anything at all. So the first leg of this triangle is self-medication. There's a sense that he's really withdrawing from life itself. And then the third is lashing out. Lashing out can really run the gamut from increased irritability and impatience all the way up to verbal and even physical abuse.