Some call this the dark side , the shadow self or the Beavis and Butt-head withih . Refusal to defend myself gives a feeling of strength. Refusal to prove my innocence weakens the sense of guilt. If I want to meditate on something all day, all I have to do is to interrupt a song on that word - it will play in my head for hours. When, in my actions, I declare disbelief in lack, I notice abundance.
Nothing is as hard at it seems.
I tended to get impatient and force things to go my way. As a result they would break or bend out of shape. Once I was in a really good mood and started doing some stuff around the house. I noticed strange thing - if I didn't pressure, I could assemble and disassemble computer easily. Not this time.