That is where you are, but that is not where you are going. Work with yourself with the love you would give a child who is trying their best. You are growing as a person. Motivate yourself to rise above what you see as your faults or weaknesses. See yourself in Christ.
Life is raw.
It is all just smoke anyway. As long as you are openly aware of your existence in Christ, and of the Life that is shared by all, then you are going to be understanding Christ as He is. All you can do is listen for it, and learn, and grow, and begin to express it in your own life experience. Allow yourself to emerge. All people are different.