Well, I didn't exactly do that. Plus, it's expensive to host a party, and he's the one who's saying we should economize right now. Actually the dance begins because at least with this issue, neither of you can calmly put the issue on the table and work it out. But he's always been defensive about her. Maybe that's where reading too many books is a problem, because every last one of them says that defensiveness about the other person is a sure sign that something unsavory is going on.
H tends to be defensive anyway.
Your H should be more sensitive to your feelings even when he thinks they are irrational, but I think it could be your stunted communication in this area that is making the whole thing worse. Because there's no way to clear the air. He's told me they aren't that close, but then he's secretive and the two of them make goo-goo eyes at each other. He says they're just friends, but then he walks her to her car when he doesn't walk anyone else. We have defined much of the problem, but the solution seems out of reach because of the huge gap between you two on this issue.