It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives. You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts. Dogs never want foot-rubs. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. Dogs can't talk.