Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. People can test their batteries in your ears. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote. Good to the last drop. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.