Dogs like beer. Dogs don't hate their bodies. No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood. Dogs never criticize. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs don't worry about germs. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards or jewelry. Dogs don't borrow your shirts.