In spite of these differences, however, there are some general relationship issues that are common to both gay and nongay couples. One of the biggest differences between gay and nongay relationships, however, is that same-sex relationships lack roles models. Betty Berzon explains how and why this is an important factor in same-sex relationships in her book Positively Gay . Most of us were stuck with mamas and papas of the heterosexual variety - good, bad, or indifferent as mates to each other and parents to us, but no help at all in fashioning our gay love life. Lacking marriage manuals, parental guidance and models of conjugal bliss on film and television, we've had to wing it when it came to putting together workable love and life partnerships.
Intimate relationships are a tricky business at best.
At times, that challenge involves the same hassles that bewilder every couple trying to make a go of it. At other times, it involves bedevilments seemingly reserved only for gay lovers in an uptight and intransigent straight world. Unnatural, unsanctionable, unconscionable, immoral, sick, and immature. Negative messages undermine, subvert and scare us into pale versions of our dream of love. My relationship can't work, won't last, doesn't count.