Being the television connoisseur that I am, I know how to fully enjoy my watching experience. And since I am the columnist for the most widely read newspaper between Wickenden and Lloyd, I wish to offer you, dear uninformed reader, my guide to proper television viewing. The television is your friend. This just isn't true. Your television just wants to spend time with you.
Friendship is a two-way street.
You respect it, and it will respect you. Show your television affection. We all like a hug now and then. Your TV is no different. A little hug or kiss now and then won't hurt you, and it will make your television so happy.