Late in the evening as the party wore on Gerald and I took refuge out on the terrace. At times I feel that I have few real friends, and I get rather lonely. With all my training and auditing experience I see through people immediately. I have almost no one with whom I can discuss the Sublimities of Beingness and the Beauty of Esthetic Vibrations. I felt a little sorry for him, and also wondered if this was the kind of enlightenment I was seeking.
Inner events leading up to it remain hazy.
I came to disassociate clearing from the odious aspects of Scientology and envisage it as the portal to a new life. At some point after Gerald's review sessions I had started cogniting on my own. I knew then that I could create my own gains and transcend auditing. Scientology was now in proper perspective as a middle chapter in my life. Gerald had been an ideal guide for a time, the catalyst for my ever-expanding thoughts.