I always had a fear of being caught on my knees praying. I do it, of course. And I m now admitting it publicly.
Fear is the essence of addiction.
That s why I used drugs. In the beginning, it was a way to overcome the fear and keep functioning with a reasonable level of comfort in situations where I was afraid the fear would paralyze me. Although I had a phobia of actually being seen praying , I did other things which were shameless in doing drugs. Choking on a joint, or throwing up on the street after drinking too much was acceptable behavior . My beliefs as an addict were as screwy as the rest of my life.