Return to the main key word of the story often. Avoid reading people s minds. Just write down what people say and do. Don t guess what they felt or believed or understood. Read some Steinbeck to understand the power of this approach.
Good writing is always the result of rewriting.
Even Abe Lincoln did it when he wrote The Gettysburg Address. Get off that word processor. Write your first draft with a pencil. Imagine that you are a poet writing a sonnet to your lover. Take your time.