Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. Apply bandage to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.
Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.