As Minnie says cant you rethink on the divorce. At least for the sake of the kids. In India we feel strongly that the kids did not ask to be born. So it is strictly the responsibility of the parents to see that they are brought up properly, given a good education, and launched in life as responsible adults. The kids do not owe us anything.
Divorce is obviously a 'no, no' if there are kids.
If two people joined in wedlock and stayed together to raise a family, then they are duty bound to stay together for the sake of the kids. That is, if they love them. If this is not possible at all, even at the cost of some compromises on the part of both parents, then it would be best to have a total, surgical separation to the extent of renouncing the kids also and start a totally new life. It is harsh, unfair to the kids, and pretty tough on oneself. But it is better than going through the living hell you have described.