So start acting like the King's kid that you are. Get your actions lined up with the truth of God's Word and gradually, your emotions will get in line as well. Don't wait for your emotions to change first, because that will never happen apart from a change in your thinking and your actions. The emotions are the caboose of the train, not the engine. I spent a lot of years doing it backwards because of some bad teaching that had nothing to do with Biblical truth.
Life is too precious to waste.
Start living and stop feeling guilty for it. The blessed hope you have is that your child is waiting for you in Heaven, a place of perfect love. He or she has never known unforgiveness and your reunion will be sweet beyond your wildest imaginations. I know, because I handed Him a truck load. He has an incredible way of transforming those things in our lives that look like disgusting trash into something usable for the Kingdom.