Hey, get this, we're not pets. What a demeaning, limiting, arrogant and unhappy attitude. I think programmers are seekers of truth and beauty, and can be the most loving and caring people you'll ever meet, if you just let us be ourselves. Let his quest bring out your truth, your beauty. Listen and ask for details.
Geeks can be meek.
It may take a while for him to warm up, to trust you, but if you learn how to listen, he can bring you love and happiness. I think you have to be a very open-minded woman to get this, because the popular female culture says that men are trivial inferior beasts. They encourage you to ignore the depth and character and goodness and humanity in men. The woman comes on strong, tries to take control, and the man clams up. This, I'm sure of it, is where today's sexual relationships between men and women go wrong.