I cannot respond to your concerns from the viewpoint of a biblical scholar. I do know, however, that as a clinical social worker I have witnessed the negative effects for both sexes when the female is expected to be submissive to the male. Submission prevents building a loving relationship that honors, respects, and provides equality and dignity to both partners. To use physical force or psychological fear and pressure to make your partner submissive is abusive and has none of the qualities of trust, dignity, or respect that characterize a loving relationship. Submission implies that one sex is better than another and has certain rights to make demands of the other.
Equality implies a balance of power.
Submission means the loss of personal rights and personal control over one's own actions, thoughts and feelings. Submission is degrading. Mutual respect is life-giving. Fear is the dominant feeling in a relationship based on submission. The dominant feeling in a relationship based on mutual respect is safety.