Marriages where the man is unable to do this are usually on less stable ground. In his comments and interpretation of his newlyweds study, John Gottman again makes the claim that expecting couples to be able to apply active listening skills in their relationships is akin to asking them to perform emotional gymnastics, implying, I think, that it is near impossible. Further, he goes on to indicate that, since none of the successful couples in his study use anything like formal active listening skills, these skills really don't have a place in the development of healthy couple relationships. Active listening is one of the cornerstones of marriage education and John Gottman is one of the current gurus of marital interaction research. Every formal couples program I have ever seen has some permutation of active listening.
Effective programming needs to correlate with research.
Well, before we throw out the baby with the bath water, let's stop and think about a few things. Gottman's research findings are certainly credible, and there truly is much for us to learn and apply from his statistics. His work on the physiological changes that happen when one is experiencing conflict in their marriage is one piece that I find to be very interesting. It helps us all to understand marital conflict from a different angle. For me, this information helped with my understanding of fright and flight responses in conflict.