The great thing about being a showbiz personality is that you don't fart any more. You get a fartectomy in Harley Street. When I got mine done, Princess Anne was in the queue behind me. I don't think her's worked - she still looks like a horse just shit in her handbag. What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out.
Language is fascinating.
The real names for things can be so awful in English. Like 'penis' and 'scrotum'. No wonder they had to invent different words for them, like willies, bums, and tits. One thing they do in Hollywood is put cocaine on their willy to help them keep it up. So now I always have a salt cellar of cocaine on the bedside table.