I picked him up and held him. Fear, whether real or imagined, is still fear and humor gives us the tools to combat it. My greatest fear was the loss of my humanity. In knowing what one has to go through and eventually look like because of chemotherapy, I simply did not want those around me to treat me as if I wasn't human anymore. I was foolishly determined to go through my chemotherapy without a hitch.
Fear is okay.
Fear is natural. But fear without acceptence hurts. Fear of letting go. Until we do let go, our lives are bound by our desire to control and direct it. That's when I knew that, aside from the very real pains and danger, there was real and genuine humor in my circumstance.