I learned this from my mother, who was a very wise woman when it came to men. She never met my dad at the end of a long day looking less than impeccable, and he remains her devoted partner and appreciative fan some forty-two years later. Every small gesture reaps many rewards. When a favorite song comes on we dance in our kitchen, or remember when we first heard it. This is a cheap date.
Good marriages are the ones where the couple knows how to hang out and play together.
Several times a week, daily if possible, we set aside fifteen to thirty minutes to check-in with each other. This is not a time to recount the day's events, but rather to share on a deeper level our thoughts, feelings, hopes, frustrations. We do it in a reflective listening mode. One of us starts, shares something, then the other reflects back in his or her own words the essence of what the other said. This allows us to make sure we understand what the other said, and also leaves us feeling truly heard.