When we looked at the aplit that occurred between our emotional selves and our physical selves, we saw one area where reparation could be made. In a sense, one part of our beings had gone through the motions of growing up while the other part was screaming to be loved and nurtured as a child. The sexual abuse retarded our progression into adulthood as whole women and men. Another area in need of repair was that of our relationships we had with spouses, friends, children, family members and co-workers, we saw many situations where amends were long overdue. Using step eight we made a list of all persons we had harmed.
Harm is defined broadly here to include emotional and verbal harm as well as physical harm.
Many of us wrote our own names at the top of that list. Step nine directs us to make amends with the person inside of us who has been harmed by our shame, our lack of assertiveness, our dependency on food, chemical, or destructive relationships, our suicide attempts, chronic depression or passivity. Though we were powerless over the incest experience we were not powerless to care for and respect ourselves. Refusing to be re-victimized. Confronting the abuser.