Both children attended the funeral Mass for their grandfather. Eric Sutter's whole world, as he knew it, changed when he was 10 years old. His mother, diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, was confined first to a wheelchair, then eventually to a hospital bed in the family's dining room. When he couldn't bear it anymore, he took a pair of scissors and cut up all of his mother's clothing. When a child suffers a loss, routine is the path of healing, says Baur.
Everyday activities are essential to a child's grieving process.
Children should stick to whatever they would do normally, thereby maintaining their routine. When a loved one dies, says Baur, the children should be allowed to go to the funeral. They need the funeral ritual, Baur says, to have a sense of finality. The funeral also allows them to see how others are dealing with the same loss. To aid others in helping children deal with grief, Lifelink offers a speaker's bureau topic on the issue to communicate the differences between the thought processes of children and adults during times of grief and loss.