We have shown this in rigorous research on forgiveness, but I have also experienced it in my own life in dealing with the murder of my mother. However, forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. A woman or child who has been repeatedly abused might forgive from the heart and yet might not choose to reconcile with the abuser. Yes, for the past ten years or more, my colleagues and I at Virginia Commonwealth University have studied and done research on how to help people forgive when the person wants to forgive but is having difficulty. R is Recall the hurt.
E is empathy.
A is an altruistic gift of forgiveness. C is commit aloud to forgive. H is hold onto the forgiveness during inevitable memories of the pain and fear of the hurt. I wish I had time to discuss those at length, but I don't. Discussion in detail involves a seminar or a group that takes eight or more hours.