Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting the youth of America. The latest report comes from Pepperdine University in Malibu, California. According to reputable sources, Pepperdine University is the latest victim of squirrel aggression. Students and faculty are advised to avoid standing or reclining under trees, sitting on benches adjacent to grassy areas, or walking alone on campus. These Vals are littering the beaches with empty acorn shells and may be responsible for a rash of surfboard theft in the area.
Immediate assistance is needed.
Report your findings to Scary Squirrel World . We will inform anti-squirrel activists everywhere of your distress.