Dogs don't shop. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had. Dogs don't worry about germs. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs like beer. Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer. Dogs love long car trips. Dogs love red meat. Dogs never criticize.