That particular diet has made its creator, Dr. Atkins, a very wealthy man, what with his speaking engagements, his book royalties and, of course, his monthly stipend from the industrial lubricants lobby. It is with great pleasure today that I disclose my competing personal weight loss plan, which I certify is true, and which you may soon find in bookstores near you. I do not wish to make exaggerated claims, but if this works for you as it has worked for me, excess flesh will be stripped off you as fast as the meat from one of those vertical rotating cylinders of sweating lamb at a busy gyro stand. So this is a good diet. For breakfast, you eat a sensible meal of no food.
Luncheon consists of no food, followed by a glass of water, if necessary.
An occasional midday snack of no food is permitted. Dinner consists of as much food as one can possibly eat in five minutes. You would be surprised how much food that is, considering. Like Jackson Pollock at the easel, the Weingarten Dieter also becomes a creative dervish of activity during his one allotted meal. You get the picture.