Dogs like beer. Dogs don't hate their bodies. No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood. Dogs never criticize. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs don't worry about germs. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had. Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.