Suzan has noted that most secondaries in her experience identify as lesbian, and Robyn has noted that a transsexual who identifies as a heterosexual woman is less likely to gather with queer transexuals, because that would make her partner uncomfortable. Assimilating into a lesbian community, where women are rejecting pressure to be normatively gendered and have relations with men, isn't like assimilating into a world of normative women and being attractive to normative men. Lesbians were immersed in the rules of normative gendering as a woman and chose to break those rules. Transsexual lesbians never were immersed in the rules of womanhood, but many sure know how to break them to claim individuality. If gender is based in reproductive sexual dimorphism, then the relationship between the two genders is key.
Gender is about relationship, and about breeding relationships.
Men, too, are defined in terms of their relationship with breeding, family, and women, who they are attracted to and want to be attractive to. And when double queers transition, they have different goals than het-identified transsexuals. We try to make sense of what we see, to take our observations of people's stories and their choices, and find some patterns, have some structure of understanding. In any case, the one thing I do know is that people here who could be defined as secondary transsexuals say that they don't think they are any different than any other transsexual, no matter what differences others may see. They have been clear on that.