Sex with caring leaves the lovers filled. Sex with love leaves the lovers overflowing. It is caring that moves sex beyond the physical to allow for the creation of a deeper spiritual connection. Most men want an emotional connection and most would welcome a more spiritual experience of sex, but they are afraid and they just haven't learned how to do it yet. Most women quite frankly, require the emotional connection as the price of entry.
Gentleness is used as required, and roughness is used as mutually desired.
With mutual consent anything goes. But it is usually best to start out with more gentleness and progress to more roughness only as you learn that she wants it and likes it. Many women like a playful roughness as long as they feels truly safe. But if you have not established a high degree of trust with her, roughness prematurely can end what could have been an excellent long-term sexually passionate relationship. Open, honest communication is mandatory.