Forgiveness had to come before the change. But the forgiveness is the beginning of healing. That's a crucial truth. Also, Thanne wasn't forgiving me just to save our marriage or because it would be the best thing for our family. It wasn't a pragmatic decision.
Grace offers forgiveness as a pure gift.
That's when forgiveness becomes marriage's lifeblood. Forgiving doesn't remove all the hurt feelings. It's not a love potion. Often it can be important not to forget. Change was necessary.