Jake on Texas Death and Texas Jake Leg Ladies and Gentlemen of the rest of America, the great state of Texas has asked me to apologize on it's behalf for the assassination of your president. It's long past time you knew the truth. Of course there was no complex conspiracy involving mobsters, Cubans and what have you.
Folks are much too loudmouthed and incompetent to pull off something like that.
No, sadly, it was the act of one lone nut out to get his name in the history books. To make a long story short, LBJ acted alone. It's pretty common knowledge down here in the Lone Star that our bad boy Lyndon went and killed that fella' from Massachusetts. He was always doin' that kinda thing, hee, I could tell you stories. Shit, I can't even say we was much surprised.