Generally, the long reign of Socks has been an ignominious one to say the least. Unfortunately, presidential-pet politics has received very little attention this year. Clinton, and the elite liberal media, have allowed Dole to dodge the question. But because Bob Dole was never one to blow against the wind, it seems obvious that he, like Bush, is a dog man. A radical move in the final days of the campaign, on behalf of the Dole team, might help close the Grand Canyonesque lead held by Clinton.
History dictates the necessity of drastic measures.
Late in the game, Coolidge announced that he and his wife had just purchased a lizard named Seth. This lizard, proclaimed Coolidge, would be the most important pet in the country. Amazingly, the American people rallied behind Seth, catapulting Coolidge into office with a comfortable margin. I propose that Bob and Elizabeth Dole purchase a chimpanzee and name him Zeppo. Just think of the act these two would have.