8pm Burst open door to flat and looked at Mark's face expectantly. Tree in truth did not look as good as remembered. Had chopped off top and tried to trim rest into traditional triangular shape, but now, in middle of room, was tall thin shorn thing with blunt edges, like very bad cheap pretend tree from discount store. Slumped miserably on sofa. Am just no good.
Every time think get everything sorted out, all just goes wrong again.
Was blurry goofun. Mark and me got out scissors again and did festive topiary, turning tree into tiny cracker. Also we have made list and are going back to do my shopping tomorrow. Love blurry Christmas. Celebration of goofun life, surely not perfection.