Most of us have a fairly long list of character qualities that we wish to change. If that kind of 'help' were helpful we would probably all be better by now. Thirdly, one of the things that makes change possible is a sympathetic, grace-full understanding of the emotional roots of our current character qualities. In order to change these qualities of character we first need to remember that these are skills which helped us to survive in very dangerous environments. Hypervigilance is an asset in dangerous territory.
Dissociation is a kind of emotional protection in otherwise traumatizing situations.
They may not be very helpful when we are having lunch with a friend or hugging a lover. We can affirm these skills at the same time as we move on to develop a broader range of skills for daily living. Or take 'whining' as an example. It's difficult to think of much, if anything, good to say about whining - it is an unlikable character quality. But, even in this least likely of character defects, there are intimations of grace.