The purveyors of junk mail tracked me down to a small, cobblestone street, fishing village in central Mexico. For almost eighteen months, I was free of Publisher's Clearing House alluding I was but moments away from winning millions, dream vacations that were mine if only I would submit a small monetary stipend to insure the validity of my claim, and mountains of telephone company solicitations promising near-free service if I would make the intelligent choice and switch. Whatever the reason, I'm on their lists again. However, looking on the bright side, I've apparently been upgraded to international status and the junk mail I now receive is of decided better quality than what filled my mail box in the U. S. to overflowing. Lotteries from Ireland to Germany to Spain woo me with expensive brochures that promise millions if I will immediately transmit a mere pittance by return mail.
Financial wizards share their secrets.
Medical practitioners with dubious credentials offer to take me into their confidence. Gracias, Time International, lottery promoters, financial wizards, medial practitioners and issuers of warnings of the perils of receiving vast sums of money via mail. You make opening my mail box an exciting adventure. One good turn deserves another. I am about to move.