I certainly see the alcoholic traits carried over into my husband's family, but because he was not raised in an alcoholic environment, he believes he was not affected. There is little to no evidence that this is the case. Nonetheless, ACOA has become an industry. You seem to be approaching this limit by identifying the impact of your husband's maternal grandfather's alcoholism on his family and, thereby, on him. In other words, you are claiming a person without alcoholic parents or siblings has ACOA problems.
Every family is a war between two people arriving with different family cultures.
You tend to accept as normal your family's peculiarities, while you quickly perceive how strange are the traits in your spouse's clan. Why not lay it on the table without any additional baggage. It may actually be that your father's alcoholism simply gives your husband an opportunity to lay family conflicts at your feet, without taking any responsibility for his role in them.