She is loving and caring to everyone but her immediate family. Don't get me wrong, she isn't mean, but she sneaks around using the phone when told not to, she enters our room without permission, going as far as to try to force open the locked door and then allowing her younger sister to take the blame. She has no respect for us when it comes to her share of the housework, always bucking the system and waiting until the last minute to get anything done if it benefits her or until we get upset. I am feeling very alienated from her, and truly don't know what to do at this point. This sounds like a very typical adolescent profile.
Kids are very often wonderful everywhere but at home.
And frankly I am not worried when this is the profile. I am more worried when they are fine at home but having trouble everywhere else. It sounds to me as if the major problem is that you don't have a system of consequences and expectations set up that is working. The good news is that when it does work, she momentarily gets back in line. Also, by the way, if there are not standard and reasonable times established when she can use the phone without asking your permission, now is a good time to establish them.