But you can theoretically kick his butt by defeating this ugly infidelity monster and proceeding to a successful, happy life. I hope you can also express them to your wife in a constructive way. You can be happy again, you just have to choose happiness over anger. I know because I literally make that choice every day. Happiness always prevails in the end.
Love is meant to heal.
Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God. If I read correctly, your wife was involved with another man two years ago while you were temporarily separated.