It also doesn't help that my boyfriend has never really talked to them at all. My parents feel that I am getting myself into a messed up family and they are afraid that my boyfriend will end up being just like his father. My boyfriend and I are trying to figure out why his father acts like this. We are also trying to figure out how he can get my parents to start liking him. I am torn between my boyfriend and my parents.
Guys learn about being a man from their fathers.
But, he might not be like his dad, especially if he is able to look at his behavior and change. Your boyfriend's father sounds like a controlling abuser. He may need the rush of power he gets from bossing his family around and forcing them to do what he wants. It may be that his life turned out to be less than he hoped for, and he thinks he can 'help' his son avoid the same mistakes he made. Or he may feel that he has a right to form his son's life.