Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one. You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry. Dogs don't borrow your shirts. Dogs never want foot-rubs.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. Dogs can't talk. Dogs aren't catty. Dogs seldom outlive you. Both look stupid in hats.