I can now say with confidence that I don't think either of them really wanted to live any longer. They both needed a huge change in their method of living. Greivably I can also say that early death was too much of a change. The trauma should have been undone long before early illness manifested. I am moving on.
Life is for living.
I think the first step back is to truly desire life. Deal me back in Please. The vacation is over. Then I'm going white water rafting. Then school starts.