It is also my hope that parents who are wrestling with this challenging decision, as well as couples who are considering these alternative family-building methods, will find the article to be useful. Many of the same principles that apply to talking with adopted children, i.e., age appropriate sharing of information, honesty, and conveyance of positive messages about how the family was created, also apply to children conceived with donor assistance or surrogacy. The following information is a summary of a paper written by Kris Probasco, a clinical social worker from Liberty, Missouri, entitled Discussion With Children About Their Donor Conception. Parents need to bear in mind that, as in all educational processes, informing is not a one time event, but rather a building-block process. Simple explanations of reproduction can take place during the preschool, when children begin to ask questions about where babies come from, i.e., that in order to be born, there is a joining of a woman's egg and a man's sperm and then the baby grows in the woman's body.
Further discussion regarding reproduction continues into the school age years.
Remember we told you that we got help from a doctor and we want to explain what happened for you to be born. The donor or surrogate is a person who wanted to help people become parents, and the following are the people who know about how you came to our family. Most important, throughout all discussions and all stages of the child's development is the need for parents to recognize and acknowledge their children's feelings. Every child is different, and parents must assess their own child's needs. Confusion, sadness, and pain are appropriate responses.