He can't see any way to resolve the issues, feels incapable of reasoning, or is unwilling to listen to your counsel and concerns, so he falls back on anger to get him off the spot. By exploding at you and the kids, he has created a new problem which must be dealt with immediately, so the original problem, whatever it was, falls to the wayside. Eventually, you are taught not to bring up the touchy subjects, and so, he doens't have to deal with them. The book, the Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans offers much insight into this problem and suggests some ways to deflect or diffuse this type of behavior. Also, rather than see your marriage die, I'd suggest going to counseling, with or without your husband.
Helps explain the different perspectives of the victim and the abuser.
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