I don't know why, but it's just different. I think she felt betrayed, like I tricked her, or something. While I have to repeat to myself that she's wrong, I can understand how she came to feel that way. You build up all these dreams around someone, you almost literally live for them, and when that someone goes away, you haven't the slightest idea where to hang those dreams. So much about my life has changed since high school aside from my being gay, and it's hard to separate out what's what.
Every day is a different challenge.
Way too much of my time, of course, is spent admiring other guys - it's so easy to do, because as many women often say, straight men are clueless. The pressure is there. Sometimes I don't say anything, but other times I just blurt it out. I did that the other day. It starts with a voiced velar - that means it starts way in the back of your throat, where you can easily choke on the entire word.