The fourth way was to live like Solomon and Schopenhauer - knowing that life is a stupid joke played upon us, and still to go on living, washing oneself, dressing, dining, talking, and even writing books. This was to me repulsive and tormenting, but I remained in that position. I see now that if I did not kill myself it was due to some dim consciousness of the invalidity of my thoughts. However convincing and indubitable appeared to me the sequence of my thoughts and of those of the wise that have brought us to the admission of the senselessness of life, there remained in me a vague doubt of the justice of my conclusion. If reason did not exist there would be for me no life.
Life is all.
I felt that there was something wrong here. Life is a senseless evil, that is certain, said I to myself. Yet I have lived and am still living, and all mankind lived and lives. Ignorance behaves just in that way. Ignorance always says just what I am saying.