While the theory of liberalism is a museum piece and as fascinating as pocket lint, liberals perceptions are sufficiently bizarre as to rescue them from the brink of total disinterest. Liberals accept the explanation Ron Brown was not assassinated, but died of a 45-caliber migraine headache. Liberals believe everyone is equal, but they are the first ones to fall to their knees in front of celebrities. Liberals think the Million Man March referred to Heidi Fleiss' busiest month. Liberals believe living conditions in Third World countries would be improved by having every Care package include a lovely bridge mix.
Liberals see themselves as peacemakers.
They still believe the gunfight at the OK Corral could have been settled over a cocktail. Liberals think a heart attack is Nature's way of telling you someone else wants to use the tennis court. Liberals believe upgrading puberty is Bill Gates' next software challenge. Liberals believe there must be a deeper explanation for Chelsea's hair. Liberals think Sociology 101 is a religion.