To rephrase the content and reflect the feeling includes both the second and third, attempting to understand both sides of his communication and give psychological air. All the well-meaning advice in the world won't amount to a hill of beans if we're not addressing the real problem. And we'll never get to the real problem if we can't see the world from another point of view. By seeking first to understand, we can turn a transactional opportunity into a transformational opportunity. We can get on the same side of the table looking at the problem instead of staying on opposite sides staring at each other.
Emotional statements require empathic, logical-emotional responses.
Children will open up to their parents if they feel their parents will love them unconditionally and will be faithful to them afterwards, never ridiculing them. Empathic listening takes time, but not as much time as backing up and correcting misunderstandings, including living with problems and the results of not giving the people you care about psychological air. By understanding the other person, we can learn their paradigms through which they view the world and their needs. Then we can try to resolve our differences to work together. The Greek philosophy of Ethos, Pathos, and Logos gives the sequence for effective communication.