But, his starting point is radically different and that s the rub. Dad can pretty much spend as much or as little emotion and presence as he wants, and no one will call him on it at least until his children are adults. If he doesn t pay particular attention to what s going on at home, and isn t particularly intentional about his interactions with the kids, no big deal. But go through the fire of having to live away from your kids, and you realize how valuable it was to have them effortlessly under your nose every day. Ironically, this radically different starting point holds the greatest common ground between feminists and fathers righters as well as the greatest challenge for every individual father, no matter where he started or where he s living now.
Feminism stands for equality of access to rights, responsibilities and opportunities.
It doesn t take a rocket scientist to see how this viewpoint opens the door to providing fathers with greater access to the responsibilities and opportunities of child-rearing. In the end, that s a big part of what fathers righters and involved divorced dads want, too. And until we fathers start learning from the men who had to leave their kids in order to find them, most of us will still need to go through that painful fire in order to fully get it. For Adults Who Care About Girls, where this article first appeared.