He can control his violence but he chooses to be violent to his wife, lover, mother or child. You have probably tried to stop the violence. Give yourself credit for everything you've tried. But in the end, only he can change his own behaviour. Never think his violence is your fault.
Domestic violence is a crime.
Sometimes they may not understand the danger you and your children are in. You are the best judge of how safe you are. You can talk to others about your safety. There are legal remedies, such as Intervention Orders in Victoria, that can protect you from further violence. Police can also lay criminal charges.