There's plenty of informal reference checking that can be done between buddies that may have nothing to do with the formal list of references you hand to prospective employers. How to leave with grace. Maybe you don't want to tell your boss too early that you're looking for other jobs, but if you are managing your career yourself, rather than waiting for others to do it for you, you're already out and around. You are building new skills constantly, you're looking for growth assignments, taking on responsibilities in professional associations and getting known outside of your company as well as inside. Recruiters should be calling you because you're building your reputation.
Good bosses try to support their employees' professional development.
Be clear about your objectives and what you wish to accomplish, combined with what is in the company's best interest. Pat, I really appreciate all of the opportunities you've given me and you're a great boss. There is not going to be a chance for me to pursue the sales work I want to do, as you know, within our department, so I wanted to see if I could get you to talk with Whitney about letting me work on the new product roll-out. If it works out, I'll help recruit and train someone to fill my current position so there should be a seamless transition. I'll be able to champion your ideas within the sales department because I think they haven't been heard clearly, and you'll get someone who will see my position as a growth opportunity and will totally re-energize this group with fresh ideas.