A boy might be reading at a table when another comes up, wants his attention and pulls the book away. According to Gottman, an emotionally coached child probably would say the action made him angry, explain that he's trying to read and ask the other child to stop and please give the book back. The uncoached child would probably just hit the other youngster. The uniqueness of fathers is their ability to engage in high-energy play. Men just seem to do it more than women.
Fathers do it naturally, like tossing a baby into the air and catching it.
Mothers are uncomfortable or horrified by some of this playing. High-energy play teaches emotional regulation. When dads are crappy or poor emotional coaches they stimulate a child and won't stop the play until the child gets upset. A good father knows when to stop and helps the child to calm down. Gottman has found that fathers have different teaching styles with their children.