Abuse happens in all kinds of families and in all economic and societal groups. Although 95 percent of victims are female, both men and women can be abusers. They generally have low self-esteem. They feel out of control of their life and use force or threat of force to establish control. They often feel unlovable and use manipulation, force, or threat of force to be loved.
Many abusers experience uncontrollable anger when they are hurt or afraid.
They have difficulty coping with fear and anxiety, so they lash out at others in anger. While trying to gain control, abusers almost always feel out of control. Their abusive behavior erodes their own feelings of self-worth, leading to more abusive behavior. Even generally self-disciplined people may become abusers under extremely difficult situations. I can t believe who I became in that relationship.