In my shell, I felt firmly in control of my own life, while blinded by the reality that I was living in delusion, to cover up my own insecurity. Many times, I did just that myself. I've been to church for most of my life, and my parents consider themselves believers. After all, science explains everything about the universe, and all these things in the Bible are just physically impossible. And He remained silent.
Faith sees best in the dark.
I went to the first meeting with hesitation. It was here that I really saw a strong body of people who loved the Lord, and seemed to really exude it. Also, in particular I was able to see Christ work personally and powerfully in a close friend of mine that lived in the same freshman dorm as I did, which greatly encouraged me. Yet, as much as I wanted to reach out to people, rather than machines, no matter how hard I tried, even during sophomore and junior year, I still felt as if our friendships were mainly superficial, as if I didn't truly belong with the rest of them, even though we were friends on the outside. I felt a gnawing sense of inadequacy, of a lack of fellowship.