I'm not saying I haven't had my moments. For example, I don't recommend plucking your own eyebrows in the wake of goodbye. I did so, overplucking one side and overcompensating on the other, all the while distractedly wondering what had gone wrong. Next thing I knew, I looked like one of those trailer park ladies who have to pencil in that creepy brown Maybelline line. I've had my low moments, but I've tried to factor them in and forgive myself.
Eyebrows grow back.
I admit there are times I feel like a failure, that I've somehow exceeded the acceptable number of relationships one should have before they're 30. Maybe I have. At least this time, the end will be as bloodless as possible. I refuse to waste time envisioning him running off into the sunset with some goddess while I get a condo in spinster city. Last weekend, I was going to a baby shower in a faraway land called Sierra Madre.