While it may mean suppressing their anger at a cheating or neglectful spouse, the winner, in the long run, is the children. The stakes are obviously quite high. Roughly one-third of the children of divorce lose contact with one of their parents, depriving them of years of adult guidance, support and love. But even many of those who remain in touch with both parents are not any better off, as they continue to be tormented for years by their parents' continual arguing. And the longer the parental conflict continues, the more serious is the psychological damage to the child.
Many children respond to such stress by turning off their feelings and walling up their emotions.
Those children are not only deprived of the joys of childhood, but they often find themselves emotionally adrift as adults. It's important for parents to remember that their actions during their divorce can have long-term consequences they might not intend. A mother who forbids her daughter from seeing her adulterous father, for instance, is laying the groundwork for her daughter to be distrusting of all men, thus potentially sabotaging the child's intimate adult relationships. Parents must also realize that children often interpret anger between spouses as anger at the children. When divorcing couples disparage each other in their children's presence, their developing self-esteem can take a battering.