Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.
Flick pill down throat with plastic band.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.