And make sure you do all your reading while sitting on the john. Apologize whenever it's expected. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend's birthday and eye color.
Ignorance solves problems.
If you can't see them, they can't see you. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don't know. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place with people you don't know.