You've worn away the handle of your coffee mug. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down. You've worn the finish off your coffee table. The Taster's Choice couple want to adopt you. Your face is on a Columbian postage stamp.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison. People come to your home for poetry readings and open-mike nights. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. You short out motion detectors. You don't get mad, you get steamed.