The lack of punishment for violent behavior in domestic situations is a message that our culture accepts, expects and supports violent behavior. They can control themselves enough to pick a safe target. Men often beat women on parts of their bodies where bruises will not show. Many assaults last for hours. Many are planned.
Lesbian violence occurs in feminist, radical feminist, traditional, and role-typed relationships.
Size, weight, butchness, femmeness, or any other physical attribute or role is not an indicator of whether a person will be a batterer or a victim. Only the perpetrator has the ability to stop the violence. Many women who are in abusive relationships make numerous attempts to change their behavior in the hope that this will stop the abuse. This does not work. Changes in family members behavior will not cause or influence the batterer to be non-violent.