Dying is our most personal and irreversible act and we want ourselves and our loved ones to be treated and remembered in ways that express and show respect for our uniqueness and the specialness of our relationship with the deceased. Another common thread running through some of the changes in traditional rites as well as the new rites is participation . We want and need to be involved, active participants, rather than passive recipients of a ceremony that could be conducted almost without us. Many traditional rites have been modified to include ways in which survivors can sing a special song, read a poem they've written for the occasion, tell a story about the deceased, or share some special experience they had with the deceased. In some instances today, especially in cremation ceremonies where the ashes are scattered, the ceremony's officiator may do little more than coordinate the logistics of everyone's participation rather than be the center of the ceremony.
Less formality is common.
As already mentioned, rather than a suit or best dress, the deceased may be clothed in his or her own every day wardrobe or clothing that represents some special interest of the deceased such as hunting attire or a dance outfit. Funeral attendees also may be less formally dressed, sometimes even in street clothes. Ashes scattering ceremonies are often held in outdoor settings which lend themselves to informality. When periods are set aside within a formal ceremony for survivors to share their memories of the deceased, it is often unknown who will speak, in what order, or what they will say. In the case of spontaneous memorials, the memorial is created by individuals contributing items that are meaningful to them without prescriptions about how or what to contribute.