And I don't understand that. I was looking at men's robes recently. Outside, they were very soft, but if you touch the inside, they were rough. Anything that touches the skin should feel like you want it to touch you. The outside that you show to everybody else shouldn't be nicer than the part that's inside, touching you.
Life is short.
Treat yourself well. Everybody else will try to treat you badly. It does give a patina, something to put between the eroticism and the reader, that makes it more comfortable. But I work across genres, and I can take the best of all the genres. I can use whatever violence or horrific elements are necessary.