Well-meaning adult children who insist on helping too much, can rob their parents of the chance to find out how much they can do for themselves. A person who is not expected to take on any responsibilities, to meet his or her own needs, or to contribute to the lives of others soon feels incompetent and worthless. Such feelings are a common cause of depression among the elderly. Although allowing or encouraging sick or disabled people to test their limits in caring for themselves may seem cruel, they can often do more than we realize and will benefit from the increased activity and sense of accomplishment. Stepping back to cheer the person's own efforts can have surprising results.
Family caregivers can experiment with encouraging more independence.
Even though parents recognize that they need help, they may resent what they perceive as reversal of authority roles in the family. . Although fear of losing your parents may make it difficult for you to let them to take risks, you can't shelter them from the losses of old age any more than they could shelter you from the pains of growing up. Overprotection simply increases dependence. . You can't control your parents' futures. They will feel more loved if you support their choices and lifestyle than if you try to impose the living arrangements you think are best. .