Dogs don't want to know about all the other dogs you've ever had. Dogs like to do their snooping outside, not in your wallet, pockets, or sock drawer. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives. Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one. You never have to wait for a dog.
Dogs have no use for cards, flowers, or jewelry.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts. Dogs never want foot rubs. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. Dogs can't talk.