If you are a lush like myself, I hereby give you full permission to skip ahead to the second half of this article, where I discuss my perennial alcoholism. I promise you won't be missing anything. So, to recap, first half equals Valentine's Day, second half equals alcohol. If you didn't skip ahead, this is your last chance. Do it quick, before my bitter ruminations on Valentine's Day drive you to imbibe assorted alcoholic beverages in vast quantities.
Love is an intensely personal, intimate experience.
Look, far be it from me to give you advice on gift-giving, unless of course you happen to be buying gifts for me, in which case, please let me offer you advice, guidance and a detailed list. That Valentine's Day intro was just a sad attempt at being current. You know, Katherine, maybe if you developed some outside interests, you would be a more interesting person, and people might actually read your column. But when I'm drunk, I think I'm being interesting, and that's good enough for me. Drinking is a sensitive issue, and I want to make it clear that I understand that.