Sometimes being fat, at least for me, seems very appealing. Staying trim, conscious and aware and practicing the principles that produce a healthy, strong body and mind is hard. It was easier for me to eat than it was for me to grow. Eating does not require anything of me except an open mouth and a hand to move the food. Eating masks my pain and often makes me feel blissful.
Eating is fun, uncomplicated, legal and moral.
No other drug is as available or as acceptable as food. Sometimes I wish I were still fat, unconscious, irresponsible and a master at eating to avoid my pain, confusion and life. I used food to avoid my feelings and responsibilities. It seemed unavoidable. I'm not overweight anymore but that does not mean that I have stopped struggling with old tensions.