Anyone who suggests that fights can help a marriage is seriously mistaken. Unfortunately, most premarital counseling does not warn couples about the disaster of fighting. Instead, it usually focuses attention on less important issues as personality compatibility and similarities of interests. Those issues have little to do with marital happiness. It is how couples solve problems that determines their love for each other and the quality of their marriage.
Fights represent a flawed attempt to solve a problem.
They begin with a conflict between a husband and wife. Instead of negotiating for a fair resolution, one spouse tries to force a solution onto the other. Anger, disrespect and demands make the effort unsafe and unpleasant. Fights usually make the effort to solve the problem fail. When couples are first married, they usually do not know how to negotiate fairly.