Far better that you should sort it out yourself. How to start your own. Peels the lies off the 1,000 bogus cults and self-help programs in America. I used to think that maybe life made some sort of sense. Slowly it began to sink in.
Life is just a collection of random events strung together in an arbitrary temporal order.
I remember a few years ago there was a tornado in Mississippi that destroyed a church full of Baptists. They thought God had done it to them and they couldn't understand why. Be easy on yourself and try to keep your sense of humor. If the Conspiracy takes your sense of humor from you, learn to use your sense of hate. Hate can be a friend.