Diss your girlfriend. Beg and plead until you get her back. Diss her again. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Try to have a good memory, but it's okay if you forget trivial things, like your girlfriend's birthday and eye color.
Ignorance solves problems.
If you can't see them, they can't see you. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc. Complain about not getting any mail. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don't know.