Daniel Dear Daniel, We believe that couples are better off waiting until they have an emotionally intimate, committed relationship before they begin a physical one. Or more directly, we prefer couples to wait for marriage. This isn't because we're old-fashioned. We've spoken about emotional intimacy before. It is comfort, affection, trust, the desire to share, willingness to reveal oneself, reciprocity and all the other components of a very close friendship.
Emotional intimacy takes time to develop.
The couple also builds upon shared experiences. Invariably, emotional intimacy stops developing for a period of time after a couple becomes physically intimate. One reason is that the couple expends a lot of emotional energy trying to become physically attuned to each other. Another reason is that in many, if not the majority of situations, one of the parties in a physical relationship hopes or expects that sex is a step toward commitment. If only one member of the couple feels that way, each will invest a different amount of emotional energy into the relationship, and it is not likely that the couple's emotional intimacy will grow any further than it already has.