Always choose Nacho Cheese Doritos over the Cool Ranch. When you fart, deny it at all costs and blame it on a friend nearby. Try to be the first one who smells it. When walking on the beach, roll up your pant legs. Tempers are made to be thrown.
Fighting does solve problems.
Vertical stripes are slimming. Vacuum your carpet every two weeks. Hold doors open for women. Never attempt to wear thong underwear backwards. God did make dirt, but sometimes it does hurt.