In the midst of taking care of my own needs, the compulsion to mate disappeared. The realization that I don't need another person's undying affection has freed me from the search for love. In the long run, that has allowed love to develop in ways I never imagined possible. In the process, I have developed some wonderful, meaningful and satisfying relationships with other gay men. We love each other for what we are, without a need to mold that into what we would like another to be.
Lovers can change, lovers can leave, lovers can die.
But being able to make and keep very dear gay men as friends and brothers, I know that I will never find myself isolated and lonely, but always a connected part of a warm and loving community. Coupledom is not right for everyone, including me. Some may adjust better than I do to its demands, may find it fulfilling where I find it stifling. To those who do, my congratulations and support. To those who, like myself, exist better on their own, don't cheat yourself by living your life for others' expectations or standards.