Talk about the loss and the ambiguity surrounding it even if it is a forbidden topic. Break the family rules and talk about it. Discuss with your family how they see their membership and boundary. This may help to stimulate needed discussion about the missing or chronically ill family member so that the stress can be managed rather than ignored. Permit the airing of all views, even those which are uncomfortable, unpleasant, or with which you do not agree.
Families are often the source of their own healing.
Sometimes, all that is needed is to gather and talk as a total unit about the stress, to talk and listen and struggle with the problem. If this is not sufficient, you may need to seek help from a church, mental health center, or other counseling agency. When you have clear and healthy family boundaries, a major barrier to the management of stressful family life events is overcome. You should establish clear family boundaries in order to meet the task of stress management in your family as it grows and develops. Pauline Boss Family Social Science College of Human Ecology Other Minnesota Extension Service publications in the Family Stress Series .