Distressed couples tend to use more destructive communication such as sarcastic remarks, criticism, complaining, commanding, disagreements, excuses and put downs. Happy couples are more likely to agree, approve and use humor and laughter. Distressed couples spend more time fighting and about more things than happy couples. Communication behaviors that predict winning a conflict are strongly associated with unhappiness in marriage. Less satisfied couples disclose more negative feelings to one another and are less likely to disclose at equal rates.
Happy couples spend more time talking and discussing personal topics.
Even though they spend more time fighting than nondistressed couples, distressed couples also avoid conflict more. Nondistressed couples exchange more rewards and fewer punishments than do distressed couples. Distressed couples are more likely to exchange negative behaviors that lead to evermore coercive interactions. Distressed couples are less accurate at decoding their partners' nonverbal communication than they are that of strangers. Husbands have the most difficulty decoding nonverbal messages, possibly because their physiological reaction is more intense and may short circuit their interpretive abilities.