Her grief turns to anger. She tries to make sense of her loss by finding a reason for it. The combination of the two emotions causes her, angrily and irrationally, to blame Jesus. From the safe perspective of two thousand years and many thousand miles, we are able to see how silly and futile her accusation is. Hopefully, we are also able to empathize with her deep sense of loss, and to extend the forgiveness which grows out of our compassion.
Forgiveness comes more easily when the motivations of an individual are either known or understood.
People like Martha, in the depth of sadness, are allowed much more latitude than a stranger whose circumstances and background are unknown to us. As our society becomes more complicated, as simple answers no longer solve complex problems, as traditional values are questioned and discarded, there seems to be a growing need to discover who or what is responsible for our anxiety and to try to find a way to punish them. I believe that is why we see so much anger these days - in our families, neighborhoods, highways, and even within congregations. Blame and punishment doesn't remove the fear or erase the pain. When we realize and accept this, we can get on about the business of facing life with all its uncertainties.