This is a note to the many parents who defend spanking on the basis of their religious beliefs. I find this argument mystifying, as love is defined in the Bible as being patient and kind 1 . Hitting a child is neither patient nor kind, and does not accomplish the true goal intended. It only produces feelings of anger, resentment, and low self-esteem, not the genuine willing cooperation the parent seeks. Adults too would cooperate with someone who threatened or hit them, but they would do so only through fear, and only if the other person held more power.
Genuine cooperation comes from the heart.
The only cooperation worth having is that which is given freely by a child , not because he has been frightened into obedience, but because he feels loved, respected, and understood, and consequently wants to treat his parents with love and respect in return. All punishment is emotionally dangerous and mind-warping. She may be hungry, thirsty, overtired, or may simply need a reassuring hug, or some undistracted respectful listening. The child lacks information . If a child misbehaves due to a lack of information, it is our responsibility to provide this, not the child s responsibility to know something he does not know.