Choices, Not Orders After side-stepping the power struggle, the next step is to give choices, not orders. The child choose a room, but once in the room, balked again at the diaper change. The child pointed to a bed, the diaper was changed and the ongoing power struggle about diaper changes was ended. When giving children choices, parents must be sure that all choices are acceptable. Don't give your child the choice of either sitting down quietly or leaving the restaurant if you have no intention of leaving.
Autocratic choices are choices are choices that are so narrow the child senses no freedom at all.
Young children benefit from having some choices narrowed, but try to give broad and open-ended choices whenever possible. Choices should not represent a punishment as one alternative. Part Two of Dealing with Power Struggles will be in next months issue. Karan Sims is an instructor for the International Network for Children and Families. Punishment is used for the purposes of controlling and retribution.