The poles must be treated with vegetable oil to protect them from the water, so it's a good idea to buy a can of cooking oil and have it on you when you ask directions to the yerinals. That way people will know you are an experienced cottager. Porkloinian cuisine justifiably enjoys a well deserved reputation as the most sublime gastronomic pleasure available to man. Thanks to today's robust dollar, the American traveller can easily afford to dine out several times a week. Rest assured that a Porkloinian meal is worth interrupting your afternoon wank for.
Few foreigners are aware that there are several grades of meat in Pork.
When you go to a fine restaurant, tell your waiter you want BSE beef and won't settle for anything less. If he balks at your request, custom dictates that you jerk your head imperiously back and forth while rolling your eyes to show him who is boss. Once the waiter realizes you are a person of discriminating taste, he may offer to let you peruse the restaurant's list of exquisite Porkloinian wines. If he doesn't, you should order one anyway. Public taxis are subsidized by the Her Majesty's Government.