I hated this life, but felt helpless to change it. A voice in my head kept telling me to give up, that I would never change and was beyond God's help. I felt lost. In spite of this despair, there was always, however faint, a spark of hope. I chose to believe in spite of how I felt that God would fulfill His promise to complete the work He had begun in me.
Many churches emphasize performance, morally and spiritually.
A code of Christian conduct is laid out before us in sermons, books and most significantly in the attitudes of fellow believers. Few of us, homosexual or not, perfectly measure up to these ideals. These expectations can become a new Law for the Christian. We may feel that a certain standard of thought and behaviour is required if we are to be acceptable to God and fellow believers. The condemnation and shame I felt were only intensified by this attitude.