Depressed people are fighting shadows, ghosts, pieces of themselves that they can't integrate and can't let go. The harder they work, the more they do what they know how to do, the worse things get. When their loved ones try to help in the usual ways, the common-sense ways that only seem natural expressions of caring and concern, they get rejected. The depressed person then feels more guilty and out of control. These skills take practice, coordination, and flexibility.
Depressed people are great strugglers, but to struggle is to drown.
Better to learn how to let the water hold you up. The families of people with depresion also have to learn new skills. Many of the familiar patterns of family interaction are related to the depression. With the best intentions, family members sometimes make things worse for the depressive. They have to learn how to mix confrontation and support, caring and limits.