Ben had this deep need to prove that he was adequate. He always seemed to have his eye on the big deal, but the big deal was a mirage that constantly tantalized him. This is a common characteristic of men who have not been blessed by their fathers. They have not experienced the calling out their manhood by dad. A year ago Ben admitted that he was back on cocaine.
Evangelical men have a very difficult time admitting they have a hole in their soul.
We mask it with perpetual motion, sound, T.V. and some like Ben use drugs. I tried everything I could to get Ben to slow down, and be still and learn to hear the voice of God. He desperately needed to hear his heavenly Father whisper the 5A's in his ear. Ben, you are my beloved son. I accept you as you are.