Clearly the losses associated with the birthmother experience are numerous, far reaching and undoubtedly impact the birthmother in some way today. The pregnant young woman of yesterday becomes today's unacknowledged mother. Healing is difficult because of the complicated and delayed grief reaction. It is particularly difficult to grieve the loss of a child as though to death when that child is still alive. The hope for reunion also arrests the grieving process.
Healing is important especially as connected to reunion.
These issues and losses compromise the birthmother's sense of self and are carried to the reunion with her child. The birthmother who reunites, at some point, confronts the same intensity of pain as when her younger self suffered the loss of her child. It is the younger self with all her pain and vulnerability, that will be present at the reunion. Thus, the reunion of mother and child is very complex, because there really are four people present at all times. To do so, it is essential that the birthmother get to know herself and the ramifications of her experience so she can be present, available and open to meet her child with his or her special needs.