Now these people have stories to tell, and what they say rages against conventional wisdom. While adults consider divorce a solution, children think divorce is the cause of the misery that follows. And children always place blame for a divorce, although they will not admit it to their parents. The idea that everything will be fine if ex-spouses can avoid fighting is just so much dreaming. Even when divorce ends a violent, abusive marriage, younger children don't get it.
Few children are aware that their parents are suffering.
Even if they have seen one or both of their parents crying or yelling or hitting, they do not make the connection between the parents' behavior and the breakup of the marriage. Yet parents expect kids will understand, and that they will adjust. Instead, the authors find that while divorce often improves life for at least one parent, it is at the cost of the children's happiness. We read of one misery after another. Typically, time is short.