Have 3 or 4 identical items of popular toys, rather than a variety of similar ones. Set out books of vinyl, plastic, cloth, or sturdy cardboard, so toddler won't tear them up. Change these toys as the children grow older or as new, younger children join the group. Treat people gently. State rules positively.
Limit rules to what is absolutely essential.
Avoid power struggles by offering win-win choices. Respond promptly but not anxiously to a child's distress by comforting, assisting with a frustrating task, or rescuing from a harmful situation. Reframe what appears to be misbehavior by refocusing the child's behavior to a similar acceptable activity. Oatmeal is for eating . Focus the child's attention before asking that a task be done.