Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.
Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.