As 'Kaiser' Franz-Joseph has decided to raise his hand against us, you have our permission, and our help, in eradicating him, and his misbegotten progeny from this planet. While we realize that, as a heathen, you do not necessarily recognize our permission, we still have hope for your soul. You thought the poison was in my cup, but I switched them when you weren't looking. You should never trust a Sicilian when death is on the line. Send your navy in Apulia, now fully stocked with wine and cheese, to the Ionian as a sign of support.
Hostilities break out at international youth conference.
Swiss officials are reporting that a French student attempted to stab a English student in the back. Luckily the English student was wearing a chainmail under his jacket and the attack had little effect but a fight ensued. The fight was quickly joined by Italian, German, and Russian students making it a complete brawl. It is this newspapers opinion that Austria-Hungary has overstepped her bounds. A prompt withdrawal from Italian territory will do much to stabilize the Mediterranean.