The strong tendency to look for something to blame is itself a large part of the problem. The start of any repair process is respect for the others. Success is what we do with our failures. Recognise that each member of the family has invested in it. It is not like a new couch or a new car that is expendable.
Family is for life.
It is never something you can leave behind, or pick and choose. She was the eldest, and as she turned into her beautiful teens, her father, who had loved her as his princess, was baffled by the change. She would spurn his advice but quote with awe what she had heard from some young friend down the road. She obviously preferred to be out of the house than in. That at least was how it looked to her father.