In many cases the fighting instead escalates after divorce, Cummings observes. If the battling continues, kids are likely to suffer. In her 1994 book The Good Divorce , sociologist Constance Ahrons reported that only 12 percent of divorced parents maintain friendly relationships with their ex-spouses. One of the keys is the quality of the family environment during the breakup. The more positive the environment, the less likelihood of injury to the children.
Conventional wisdom declares children are better off when a bad marriage ends.
Perhaps the worst thing parents can argue about in front of the children is the children. When kids discover they are Topic A, the antennae go into hyperdrive, often with wounding results. Child-rearing arguments have the biggest impact on kids, studies show. That's when they feel trapped in the middle and see themselves as the cause of the strife. Too often, they react with shame, self-blame and fear.