It was his job to find a politically correct way to mash, pummel and grind into dust 115-pound players on the opposing team so that our running backs could have the opportunity to dance like lunatics in the end zone. We parents have important jobs, too. First, we must provide sufficient financial support to keep the team going. There is even an annual auction where we contribute our possessions and services and then buy them right back again. We barely have time to make withdrawals from the bank.
Emotional support is also important.
We must attend every game, being sure to arrive early so that, even during pre-game calisthenics and pep talks, we do not miss a single opportunity to encourage and applaud. We've been acknowledging our kids' achievements like this since the first time they filled their diapers. There is no way we can stop now. Then we examine the other team for evidence of foul play. We shake our heads in disbelief at how obviously the weight limit has been skirted.