The 2000 Glastonbury Festival kicks off this Friday. For those of you wisely choosing to stay at home in order to avoid the poor sanitation, theft, trenchfoot, drugs cut with scouring powder, and the sight of horrible fiftysomething hippies having sex while a couple of freaks stick flowers up their rectums, and a spaced-out teenager masturbates furiously before the entire debauched ensemble, you can watch Travis, Chemical Brothers, David Bowie and the rest on BBC2. Overlooking the town is Glastonbury Tor, a conical hill topped off by a mysterious stone tower.
Legend has it that the hill is man-made, and contains a network of tunnels.
Bearded farm dude Michael Eavis held the first Glastonbury Festival then known as the Pilton Festival on his farm in September 1970. Unfortunately, the cost of staging the festival merely compounded the farmer s financial woes, inflating the size of his overdraft like a seal sucking on a helium hose. It is unrecorded whether Eavis later did a poo in the hedge. The original headliners of the first Glastonbury Festival were The Kinks. However, they pulled out at the last minute, and a hasty replacement was found in the shape of T Rex.