Newt Gingrich is really a man. Having to pretend I'm just as interested in gross ugly people with nothing to say as I am in sexy hot ones who never shut up. Sex toys that come in a plastic bag that isn't sealed. Feminists with big tits. When people won't admit that they've stuck their finger up their butt, at least once, to see what it feels like.
Handguns are still legal.
Wal-Mart still sells them. I always wake up right before my dream becomes wet. The fat black chick who claims she's a psychic. The fact that I'll never have the chance to get an abortion. Chicken McNuggets with bones.