I'd feel like they didn't trust me and didn't trust themselves about how they brought me up. And he definitely would be upset if they did. Patton's friend and classmate, Greg Conley, also 13, said that his relationship with his parents would change for the worst if he found out they were dusting his room for drug residue or going behind his back to look for evidence of drugs. If they were going to do something like that, I'd want them to tell me. Singer believes that parents who keep close tabs on their children will probably know a child is using drugs or alcohol before things get so far that they have to search.
Experts share that view.
Jim Bozigar, a licensed social worker for Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh in Oakland, warned that violating a child's trust by going behind his or her back in any situation is bound to be bad for the parent-child relationship. And that's not love. Bozigar recommends confronting a child as soon as you suspect there's a problem, and try not to be accusatory, which will only make a child shut down. If a child will not admit to using drugs or alcohol, said Bozigar, plan to spend more time with them. Singer said that brothers and sisters can help parents stay aware of what's going in other siblings' lives.