I feel disconnected. I'm afraid there is a sense in which the emptiness and hole in your heart will never be replaced completely, for you have, after all, lost your soul mate of thirty eight years. You can never really fill that void entirely. But, the good news is that faith was created for just such a situation. If our lives were ever comfortable, never in want or need, there would be no need for faith.
Faith works when the pressure mounts.
At those times the only thing we may have to cling to is our faith - that fundamental belief that my God has not abandoned me, even though I feel abandoned, and that He's working all things out for my good and His glory. We believe He's there even if we can't feel Him. We believe He's concerned about our plight, even if there does not seem to be correction. And, thanks be to God, along with faith comes grace. In our believing, we will discover His grace trickling into our lives, giving to us that sense of His presence which we long for, and the comfort of knowing that He is still for us, not against us.