Any time before noon, and one on weekends, is considered early in my book. Shows like 7th Heaven and Gilmore Girls, while hardly catered to the college demographic, are excellent forms of procrastination. Trying the cheese cutlet in the Commons once is fine, but any more than that is simply inexcusable. Mayonnaise is in fact a food group of its own, along with coffee, bacon, and cigarettes despite what you're taught in Wellness. If you're able to live with someone in these shoe box-sized dorm rooms for an entire year, avoid living with them the following year you're simply tempting fate.
Expiration dates are for sissies.
Spending hours in the toy section of Walmart is a justifiable way to spend an evening. Some of the best haircuts follow a night of cheap beer and even if not the best, it'll always grow back. Facial piercings just prior to Parent's Weekend is not advisable. The bottomless cup of coffee accompanied by a platter of cheese fries at Denny's is not the best idea late at night. Regardless of how drunk everyone is, someone is bound to remember if you wipe out on the sidewalk in front of Today's and they WILL remind you of it the following day anticipate subsequent ridiculing.