I am reminded when a womyn comes in and tells me she's heard that I won't let womyn have stirrups, that I will make them tear instead of cutting an episiotomy. It isn't true, but it is a clear message that my personal preferences are shining through regardless. I am rewarded when they are satisfied, even thrilled with their births, even when they are so far from what I know is possible that I question all the years I've worked for birthing liberation. There is no longer the same conflict between what is possible and what really happens. I have been at 2230 births, and though I still know a momentary sadness when I see womyn giving in before they even know what is possible, capitulating before they begin, and at an age when I was fighting for the rights they so casually toss aside, it is only a momentary sadness.
Life offers many lessons, many opportunities.
When they are ready, if they are ever ready, I will be here, and if not me, another midwife who knows what is possible. Stop by again soon. I will post more of these essays as I come across them.