Finally, give yourself the luxury of being wrong. You don't know that what happened between your brother and sister will be repeated with you. Stop trying to scare yourself. People seem so carefree. I need to express the beauty I perceive, but my attitude strips it of power.
Life is simply too hard.
Lighten up by releasing the beliefs that are burdening you. Perhaps there is something fundamentally wrong with your belief that there is something wrong with the world. So is believing that others have more fun and sex than you. You can't know the truth of their lives. In your letter, you also wrote that you learned about injustice and evil because your father only spoke to you to bark orders or insult you.