Those are superficial needs. What your child needs may be just a few minutes of your personal attention. Listen and make this child feel really special and loved even for a few minutes. Give them clear instruction they can understand. Establish routine to let them know what to expect.
Kids have stress, too.
Make sure that you are not the cause of their stress. If your kids are less stressed, I'm sure they will be a little more able to corporate with you to make your life easier. Doing good will also make you feel better. If this doesn t work, you may have to work with an intermediary or remove yourself from this unhealthy situation. There are two key ingredients to lessen your stress.