Dogs love it when your friends come over. Dogs don't cry. You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day. Dogs don't let a magazine article guide their lives. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog that you've had.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. Dogs don't criticize. Dogs don't hate their bodies. Dogs like beer. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.