How you voice them is important. The difference is that in the first, you are owning your share of the relationship. You are not pointing the finger but, rather, inviting an opportunity to learn and grow. Unreasonable expectations may also be motivated by a lack of care about the partner especially when there is a personal lack of self-esteem. When bargaining fails, reverting to despair or to anger or attempts at domination or humiliation are signals or indicators of a hurt child.
Intensity mirrors the extent of the wound the child experienced.
Getting needs met through coercion doesn't work. People change because they want to not because you want them to. People entering marriage and committed relationships do change some of the things they do. And all people change and grow as they age. But people rarely change for the better when they are under pressure from someone else even a loved one.