A dog's parents never visit. Dogs understand that instinct is better than asking for directions. Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted. Dogs like beer. Dogs don't hate their bodies.
Dogs never expect gifts.
It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house. Dogs don't worry about germs. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.