They have circulated around the country on various listserves and are attributed to Steven Wright. All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future.
Laziness pays off now. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. I intend to live forever - so far, so good.