Finally, in Part IV , Father O'Malley offers suggestions for the future. Without any cooperation on our part, secret distilleries in our bodies start pumping out magic juices to turn us into physical grownups. Physical maturity is only a small part of the process, however, and even the young see the real difference between people who have grownup bodies and people who act like human adults. We all know people well past 50 who are less psychologically mature than many teenagers. An individual must choose to be a human adult, and work at it.
Every grownup has a personality, but an adult has character.
Adolescence is the slow process of bridging the abyss between childish psychological dependency and adult psychological autonomy. On the one hand, children must evolve the sense of self-sameness, of being the protagonists of unique stories. Yet at the same time, they must also develop a sense of involvement with other stories, knowing themselves to be contributing members of a widening community. In return for the advantages of living in an enriching web of relationships, each of us has to contribute our fair share. Ironically, the price of legitimate autonomy is a degree of compromise and self-surrender.