With Coca Cola prices rising, add 96 teaspoons of sugar to beer and stir for the perfect substitute. Add lighted match. Remove sodden match stick. No need for flat lemonade when you have gastro, drink the dregs from half-finished beers the morning after a big party. Drink beer with multi-vitamin capsule dissolved in it for a healthy alternative to beer.
Home brewed beer is great, but often hard to make.
Simplify the process. Stick your own labels on whatever beer is in the fridge. Squeeze for amusing uriniation effect. Your suggestions A beer douche is always enjoyable. American beers seem to work the best, but whatever you do, don't use Canadian beer.