A tremendous difference. That we have no control diminishes our responsibility. Drives ARE controllable. So are impulses. Had you really felt that the abuser had no control over what he did, you would not have hated him.
Hate is the direct result of culpability.
We hate disease because we intuitively feel that there MUST be something we can do about it. We never hate what no amount of judgement and distinction between right and wrong could have prevented. The answer is no, he wouldn't. Hating yourself is a way of assuming his guilt. They are perfect, above reproach, above vile thoughts.