Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one. You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts. Dogs never lobby for foot-rubs. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. Dogs aren't catty.