Speaking to someone can help. You need a realistic plan that includes other family members as well You all have a monumental task and you need to do it together. That's where a good day center enters into the picture. It also provides a needed structure to their day. Vince unfortunately all we want is not always given.
Insurance regulations enter into all decisions about what can be done.
You need to learn the system and try to not only work with it but around it. Home care is an intrusion in everyone's life. My son was only 19 and we all decided he could do much better at home with our care, outpatient therapy and the guidance of good mds. We learned to cope. You go thru many emotions as anger, grief, self pity and of course you grieve for what the family member has been thru.