She's the mother of two grown sons. Parents misinterpret surliness as aloofness and detachment when actually it's extreme vulnerability, she says. Surliness is like a fence that teens put up to protect themselves. It protects their vulnerability and autonomy. If parents see this as a protective fence maybe they wouldn't try to break it down but instead would try to find a gate to walk through.
All teens are surly and mouthy at some point.
It's just the way teenagers react to all the turmoil that's going on inside them, he says. They are going to be withdrawn. They are going to be flip. She and her oldest son always had a close relationship, but his teen years were turbulent. He was very verbal.