Although birth parents have their own reality, we do not want our children to worry that there are people out there who have a claim on them and may try to take them back. There are simple ways to clarify that you are the child's real parents now. Some adoptive parents refer to the birth parents by their first names, if known. There will be plenty of time later on to help curious older children get a clearer, more detailed understanding of their birth parents. Speak positively about adoption as one good way that children come to parents.
Every adoption is a story of pain and loss, as well as a story of fulfillment and love.
Thoughtful parents speak with pride of their ado adoption and the pleasure the child has brought them. At the same time, they need to be open to hearing the child's concerns about having been given up by the birth parents. These concerns tend to surface when a child is about eight or ten, no matter how well the adoption has been handled. It is important for parents to let their children know that these are normal feelings for adopted children to have, and that they will get through this time of uncertainty or sadness. If the feelings are strong and persist a long time, parents can have their child evaluated as to whether brief psychotherapy may be helpful.