I wanted to be one of the geese used by the Lord to help her to heal. I am an old country boy and my view of life is rather simple based on my rural experience. When a horse would get down or a cow would get all caught up in some sort of trap, we would all try to help the farmer to get the horse or cow up and free from entanglement. It made sense then and makes sense now. Horses and cows are expensive.
Human beings are expensive.
The darkest nights are the ones where you know you really did a dumb thing. Sinned a big sin, even though you knew better.