It yields to good transition. Up until page six you are a aprt of the essay. We hear you and your experiences as well as Andrew's. The paper is not as concrete from here on out. Maybe keep this entire incedent but condense it to be as short as the other mishaps.
Ending leaves the readers hanging.
Revision of the rest of the paper is good. Transitions are not easily followed. You jump from episode to episode, but do not make your times real clear. I wish you luck with following revisions.