The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. Your taste buds are so numb, you could drink your lava lamp. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. People can test their batteries in your ears.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. Your Thermos is on wheels. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.