How ashamed I am today. Anyway, he had a girlfriend, so I just didn't think of him In That Way. And I just didn't believe people could have real email relationships. I knew of too many scummy, trolling online boys and too many girls who'd felt deceived and duped. Still, I felt there had to be a real-life foundation first.
Email can indeed stand as a barrier to real intimacy.
It's not the same thing as hugs and kisses. There's all this slack where you can read things into the other person that may not be there, and they can say things they think they mean, but don't. But as the streams of data flew through the air, I gradually became aware of how much I was looking forward to Jonathan's letters. I started taking longer to compose each missive, trying harder to be clever, getting petulant when I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks. However, there was no way I could tell him this.