During its initial phase, a recovering person needs to focus almost exclusively on staying straight or sober and changing basic behaviors. These changes can make life easier for the spouse, but since at first they're only surface changes they won't heal ancient scars or fill deeper needs. So be patient. Remember that even though Rome wasn't built in a day-it could be destroyed in one. Another potential minefield for relationships during recovery are the expectations that partners bring to the process.
Disappointment here can be just as deadly as impatience.
That's because unrealistic expectations can both cloud our vision and fuzz our thinking. Let's try the forest fire analogy again. If I drive out to a just-burned forest, hoping to see it green and fully grown, I'm going to be disappointed. It's the same with a relationship. Living one day at a time, without expecting our relationships to be perfect tomorrow, gives us the psychological space to appreciate growth as it happens.