Their approach to communication is fraught with contradiction. Shirley Hammond is the director of the Madison Public School System's Mentor Program. Affirm, affirm, affirm. An active listening course or workshop would be appropriate for any mentor or any parent. As for affirming teenagers, Hammond encourages adults to notice the things that make kids proud, no matter how small they seem.
Haircuts are a good example.
Affirm and validate feelings, too. If they're feeling bad about school, for example, draw alongside them. Ask them what they'd like to do in that situation. Larry Machonga is the high school youth director at High Point Church. The father of three young boys, he has the advantage of seeing ahead to what's in store for him when his sons reach their teens.