They hire a knotted tangle of messianic, erotic, parental wishes and hopes dropped crazy quilt fashion on the shoulders of one finite, limited individual. The pastor carries a heavy bag of his own illusions, values and fantasies. The process by which he gains authority to lead the church is one substituting fantasy for a measure of reality the congregation and the minister have to develop the capacity to see and treat each other as real persons, not the projection of unfulfilled wishes. Obviously, this process cannot begin, let alone occur successfully, without reflection, a degree of fear, sleepless nights, and not a few exhausting meetings. It occurs as people learn the ability to say to each other specifically what they appreciate, what they miss in their relationships, and what's important at the heart of their lives.
Fear is the most important emotional force.
Fear-dominated churches push people to become tense, uncommunicative, and unreal with each other. In today's church, the pastor's ability to lead with authority is, above all, an act of personal autonomy. In particular, it involves his capacity to face fear in himself, to share influence, to lead the membership into reflections upon the meaning of life together, to build an atmosphere where the irrational forces of church life are taken seriously, to have the courage to reveal his own needs and judgements and to be accessible to influence in return. To be sure, religious authenticity requires not only autonomous people, but autonomous relationships. Page 91-94 For many clergy, difficulties in coping with the stress of parish leadership stem from the pastor's dependent status in the church.