They don't deserve their good fortune. Your past fulfillment's are gone. You haven't found new ones yet. But, habitual bitterness can drain energy and block healing. You are in limbo, exhausted, uncertain.
Life seems flat.
You believe you will get better. The good days out balance the bad. Sometimes you can work effectively, enjoy activities, and really care for others. Particular days, places, and activities can bring back the pain as intensely as ever. You know you have a choice.