I have found that when I give up trying to manipulate others and focus instead on openly addressing my needs, I am more likely to receive what I desire. When I cease trying to make my friends give me what I need, at times they have surprised me by nurturing me in wonderful ways I never expected. If I give up giving as a form of manipulation and instead give to others out of a clear expression of caring, often people spontaneously give back out of genuine gratitude. No, not at all. In fact, if you use giving up as another form of manipulation, those you are trying to control will continue to thwart your schemes.
Genuine recovery has no gimmicks and no guarantees.
For us to accept responsibility for ourselves we have to genuinely give up our attempts to control others. We must also cease taking responsibility for the well-being of others. Taking responsibility for ourselves means coming out of the cave of passive dependency, giving up blaming others for our miseries in life, and beginning to create a life that is truly satisfying and full of joy. This journey toward joy will stretch us as we have never before been stretched. That's the paradox of grace.