The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. People can test their batteries in your ears.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. You get drunk just so you can sober up.