Effective confrontation can only happen after the counselor and client have had a chance to get to know each other. As a counselor, you know that first impressions are often off base and almost always superficial. It takes some time to feel into another person's experience, and even more time to sense when they are ready to face and work through their more difficult issues. Clients need some time to size up whether the counselor is competent, caring and honest. It takes time to build trust, but only trust can allow the client to accept and integrate information that might be frightening, even painful.
Appropriate confrontation can only happen in an atmosphere of trust.
Sometimes a person tells you they feel a particular way, but their voice, facial expression, posture and the general feelings you are getting from them seem to be saying something else. If you feel the person is ready to take another step in self-understanding, you might choose to tell them what you've noticed, and what you think it might mean. If you offer additive empathy, remember to be sure to own your inferences, present them tentatively, and gracefully accept correction from the client. Your role is to invite self- exploration, not to compel it. Other times, a person tells you they want or believe one thing, but their behavior seems unlikely to bring them to that goal, or to be inconsistent with those beliefs.