I'm gonna be loaded. Me, Tony Kornheiser. Or, me, Ms. Toni Kornheiser. That's the name on some of my magazine subscriptions. Some gremlin has signed me up for all sorts of magazines under the name Toni Kornheiser.
Magazine subscriptions are at the heart of all the sweepstakes.
The only reason they're giving away a Mercedes-Benz is to get folks to subscribe to Elle Decor. I'm as far away from it as it's possible to be. The last two Elle Decor readers on earth would be me and that fat guy in the Miller Lite commercial dancing with his Great Dane. I could shave my legs and put on a dress. I've never even played the lottery because I don't meet the minimum tattoo qualification at most of the stores that sell tickets.