Thus, the necessary grief work that is so important and healing at the time of loss, and years after, becomes nearly nonexistent. In grief therapy, it is believed that when the feelings around loss are arrested so are other feelings like anger, joy and happiness, as well as, the inability to feel and fully grieve other past and future losses. Life becomes muted. Clearly the losses associated with the birthmother experience are numerous, far reaching and undoubtedly impact the birthmother in some way today. The pregnant young woman of yesterday becomes today's unacknowledged mother.
Healing is difficult because of the complicated and delayed grief reaction.
It is particularly difficult to grieve the loss of a child as though to death when that child is still alive. The hope for reunion also arrests the grieving process. Healing is important especially as connected to reunion. These issues and losses compromise the birthmother's sense of self and are carried to the reunion with her child. The birthmother who reunites, at some point, confronts the same intensity of pain as when her younger self suffered the loss of her child.