Here are some things I was trying to write for Uber, but found myself too bored to complete. Some you may have seen before, snuck into pieces here and there. I mean, maybe I could have stretched them out to be a good, long, multi-paragraphed Uber piece. But you deserve quality. Anyway, these are all dumb.
Jelly bellies are a weird science.
I should know, for I am a jelly belly scientist. Call me Dr. Pressman, please, or don't call me at all. I have also been spending time concocting various jelly belly recipies. It is true. It is true.