Doubt and despair .
Despair is an expression of the total personality, doubt only of thought.
After everything I check I have to stare at the thing a couple minutes to get it into my head that the process is done. Then to put my butts out and look for a minute to check and make sure the filter was all wet. When I stood in my parent's place in their yard and smoked, I had to make sure what direction the wind was blowing my sparks and how far away I was from the fuel barrels. My mind could rest a little easier knowing I had a good supply. These all got started because I was always a conscientious girl and tried to do things perfectly for my parents and school and horse shows to be one of the best at everything I tried to do.