If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. You may get sick or even die. This is one of the most important rules. If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible positions and locations. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex often signifies the end of a relationship.
Life is one big competition.
If someone is better than you at something, either pretend it's not true or kick their ass. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. Every sentence that anyone says can be twisted to have sexual meaning.