You are suffering with grief. Because you may not know anyone who has walked this road of grief after suicide, you don't know what to expect. And because most of your friends have not experienced a tragedy of this magnitude they will not know how to support you. They will want to hurry you through grief - to see you quickly resume a normal life. Grief following suicide is often more intense and prolonged than other experiences of grief.
Guilt is usually more overwhelming.
Feelings of isolation are common because of continued cultural stigma about suicide. The cause of death may be denied. Family relationships may be broken. This litany is part of healing. Often the repetition of this litany ends with the realization that the suicide can only be partially understood.