They may not remember their offense. It is we ourselves who need to do the letting go of past injury, in order to be healed, and able to live and love again. I know a woman who said that she didn't want to forgive her mother for the emotional wounds of her childhood, because if she forgave her mother, she might have to give up the parts of her own identity that were formed around those wounds. The role of innocent victim had, in fact, become the largest, most cherished part of her identity. As the angel in our fable explains to Fouke, if he wants the magic eyes that will heal him of his pain, first he has to want to forgive his wife, even if he does not yet know how.
Forgiveness begins with a choice.
Secondly, forgiveness is a process. We don't deny it, minimize it, or try to sweep it under the rug. Forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing an injustice that has been done. Finally, we heal . Both my pride and my principles demand no less.