And it was not apparent to me until I had been experiencing this 'life cycle' for a while of the existence and significance of those unspoken agendas. It can be so useful to remember we all possess a few agendas. Being aware and comfortable with being a lesbian has been great for me, but not always an assurance of comfortable outcomes professionally. There were instances where agendas became the real issue, superceding appropriate care of clients. And one has been turning over, unresolved in its paradoxical state of late.
Guilt is definitely a connection to the past.
Most likely guilt plays a part in my need to re-examine and 'let go' of this past 'paradox'. As I mulled over it, an unforeseen agenda came into focus. Through the course of my tenure as a mental health counselor, a young lesbian I worked with was trying hard to come to terms with a bout of depression. Her moods were low and permeated her days with overwhelming despair. It was more than apparent that she needed to take a break from ignoring herself.