Dogs like beer. Dogs don't hate their bodies. No dog ever put on a hundred pounds after reaching adulthood. Dogs never criticize. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs don't worry about germs. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you have ever had. Dogs like to do their snooping outside, as opposed to your wallet, desk, or sock drawer. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their life. Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger than a lobster dinner.