On the other hand, parents sometimes tell their children too much about the causes of their divorce. Often when a parent is very hurt and desperately needs a confidant, he or she will turn to a child as one would to an adult friend. One eleven year old girl remembers her mother getting her up in the middle of the night and driving with her through the city trying to catch her father with his girl friend. This same girl was forced to call various taverns and women's homes in search of her father. Although this example may appear extreme, it is not uncommon for a very isolated parent to over-involve a child.
Children can understand to some degree all of the reasons for their parents' divorce.
There are a few basic rules for discussing your divorce with your children. Tell each child what he or she can understand for his or her age and maturity. The ability to intellectually and emotionally understand certain aspects of your divorce will differ for your child at different ages. By the time children are six or seven, they may realize that lawyers and courts are involved and that divorce has meant a lot of changes for the family. By age eleven or twelve, children are very interested in how custody is decided.