A dog's parents never visit. Dogs understand that instincts are better than stopping to ask for directions. Dogs don't hate their bodies. No dog ever bought a Barry Manilow album. Dogs agree that you sometimes have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs would rather have hamburger than lobster for dinner. You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day. Dogs find you amusing when you've had too much to drink. Dogs don't expect you to remember birthdays, anniversaries, etc.