In real life, the signals we get from each other are often mixed in such a way as to self-cancel. Oh, that's a real sweetie, that one. To change similes, it's like having two completely different pieces of music playing in your head at the same time. We've probably all had to live with this at some time or another. And we've probably all done it to others, too.
Good manners do grease the skids of existence, but they can also confuse the issue.
They are, after all, intended to preserve our social masks, not to reveal the truth. Or the problem may be our own confusion. I know sometimes I feel I'm fronting the world with a calm and pleasant face, while everyone around me can tell that I'm really upset and angry. Using crazy-making tactics is a notable feature of most forms of abuse. It may be some comfort to realize that Paul had to struggle with similar issues.