A major goal in therapy is to reverse this, so that feelings are accepted and acknowledged, but destructive behavior is controlled. The denial of feelings takes a tremendous toll on children. ACOAs and other codependents seek treatment because they feel bad. Like all clients, the codependent wants relief from anxiety and depression and wants life to be different. Some basic shifts in attitudes and behavior are necessary if therapy is to be considered effective.
Many adult children are successful in their work at the beginning of treatment.
Often they report their work devours them. Over time, as they identify and work through their pathological dependency, enough psychic energy is freed up to allow for pastime pleasures, hobbies and artistic endeavors. The result is that work is infused with new energy, allowing for advancement at an even more rapid pace, although actual time spent at the office may be less. The shift from people pleasing and compliance to an empathic attitude. The shift from clingy, fearful child to independent adult capable of parenting a child.