AA has taught me that all I have is a daily reprieve, which is contingent upon the maintenance of my spiritual condition by practicing the principles of the AA program of recovery in all my affairs. Basically what that means is that if I stray too far from practicing the AA principles I could find myself in serious trouble, but I m not concerned about this happening because I have a pretty solid relationship with the Lord. One of the strangest things about alcoholism is the way the alcoholic mind has a way of distorting its victim s perception of reality much of the time. I only say this so it might help you to understand that in all likelihood your husband wasn t fully aware of the impact his illness and behavior were having on you. I think the reason he didn t tell you how sick he was was fear.
Fear is one of the most salient and destructive aspects of an alcoholic s make-up.
I would encourage you not to feel so guilty about what you re feeling and just let your feelings run their course. Time has a way of healing all things. I ve been praying for you Martha, and I ll continue to do so.