It was frightening. All the guys knew, but no one said a word. At first I said they were for a friend. I can't even imagine the amount of dread you must have felt. What I think I hear you saying is that you were already afraid you might be gay but didn't want to admit it to yourself because of the negative connotations you associated with this particular label.
Guilt is of the devil.
I find myself desiring to argue with you about the truth of this statement, but I don't think that would serve the purpose of our conversation too well. I would like to offer a different example from more recent history. I think of the issue of slavery in the United States. This practice was widely supported by Christians because it was convenient. In many instances, scripture was used to support the practice of slavery.