Your pain is giving you a distorted view. They are not written down or notarized. But they are very real. They define the expectations we have in God. We look for God, but can't find Him.
Fragmented glass hinders our vision.
He is enlarged through this piece and reduced through that one. Lines jigsaw their way across His face. Large sections of shattered glass opaque the view. When you can't see Him, trust Him. The figure you see is not a ghost.