It was scary. Especially the short acting Ritalin because I had to take it every few hours and that reminded me of my old patterns of drug use. I can tell you now though, I have no doubt that this medication is helping me. It's a shame I didn't get help sooner. I finally feel like my brain is working correctly which enables me to make changes to make my life better.
Drugs make normal function abnormal.
This really shed some light on my internal debate. In fact, I'll quote the whole paragraph since it helped me put the whole thing in perspective so much. If we are experiencing abnormal feelings, we are undergoing abnormal brain biochemical functioning. Either some neuronal chemistry is less than normal or some is over-produced. Medication, when used under a physician's recommendation, can normalize such chemical imbalances and stabilize mood.