Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you. Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible. This is especially effective if driving in the fast lane.
Every lane is the suicide lane.
Always set the alarm to its most sensitive setting before leaving your car in a parking ramp. During rush hour, drivers should pass the time by reading Deepak Chopra or L. Ron Hubbard, and practice inner peace when cut off by a Mercedes. If you miss your exit, no worries. Just cut across six lanes of traffic and drive over the divider. If you really weren't supposed to cross it, they would make it out of concrete instead of icicle plants.