More important, it emphasizes that intimacy is about mutual emotional growth. We have a strong urge to make one another over in our own image. We want our partners to like what we like, value what we value, believe what we believe. Some sharing of common values, beliefs, and experiences is indeed a part of intimacy. But in the healthiest of relationships we acknowledge, honor, and even celebrate the differences between us.
Diversity is part of the richness within relationships.
It means that there are two individuals involved with one another, whose identities have not been extinguished, but rather enhanced by their bond. Having realistic expectations is one key to avoiding devastation in the quest for intimacy. No one person can be expected to meet all our needs for validation and comfort. One way to curb expectations is to enhance your life with a variety of relationships and pursuits with which to meet these needs rather than pouring all your energy into only one relationship at a time. Friendships, work relationships, healthy relationships with family members, and even competitive relationships may enhance what you bring to any other relationships you may be pursuing.