I peeled the whipped topping away with my fork and flipped it into the sink. Finally, late at night, I cooked and ate a whole box of wheat pilaf. Last week I awoke with an orgasm for the first time in ages. In my current state of dissociation and emptiness, it was no more moving than a sneeze, a mechanical release of tension with no particular pleasure, liveliness, womanliness anti-erotic. I need to find my way back to myself, to work mind, heart and body back together.
Compulsive eating makes everything fly apart.
A Memoir of Desire , copyright 1998 by Margaret Bullitt-Jonas. Reprinted by arrangement with Alfred Knopf.