You are never forgotten by Jesus Christ, despite your negligence toward Him. Your unbrotherliness to Christ never unbrothers this precious Elder Brother from you. Wait on your ever-present Savior. He will not let you down. Fourthly, consider the perseverance of Christ .
Insanity is usually the end product.
And so matters might end with you, were it not for Jesus. I know very well that what makes affliction so severe for you is its duration. But it is Christ who provides you the strength to bear one more drop, take one more step, live one more day, in the severest of tortures and persecutions. He has earned that provision by enduring His sufferings to their end. He poured out His life on the cross.