It is important to recognize that people can and, in certain circumstances, do change. I think a leopard can change its spots. A man who learns what you require may be able to rise to your challenge. Consider men you have known who treated some women badly and others well. What you see in a courtship candidate is not what you get.
Love changes people.
What you see is the raw material before love has been added - if the candidate before you is available. You can change also, and you will surely need to if you want courtship and if you have not had it before in your experiences with intimacy. You may have to change your attitude, your way of seeing, your way of perceiving. Lots of advice, no nonsense for smart modern women. I am very skeptical about self help books from the bookstore.