Ask what sort of music they would like to be played, how they would like their obituary to read, what picture they would like used for their program, and any other details they would like to be present. If it seems that such a discussion is not desirable, do not force it. There is a saying that says the funerals are for the living. Thus, the living can plan a farewell that is suitable and honorable in their eyes if the ill member does not wish to plan it. Remember that death is not an easy event to deal with or plan for.
Emotions can be volatile and planning can be stressful.
Realize that the patient may get reserved or spiteful as they near their end. Recognize that family is the greatest resource for the terminally ill. No matter how they act or react, the family has to be supportive. Death can destroy an otherwise cohesive family unit. A concerted effort by all close to the ill is the only way to make their exit peaceful and without residual negativity.