Agreeing to discuss childhood anguish offers the brain a way to begin to heal childhood wounds and can lead to permission to be more open to the opportunities in partnership. Roll playing makes the inner child feel safe. Try sitting in two chairs facing each other, knees touching knees. Though our culture discourages hugging and holding, it begins healing process and does wonders for unmitigated yearning of unmet contact needs, and feelings of deficit. If it feels good being together, the relationship endures, if it feels bad, then it dwindles.
Love is long suffering and kind.
Suffering does not mean enduring pain but rather the willingness to permit and tolerate the kind of person someone else is. Love recognizes individuality and respects individual freedom. If I love who I am, then my love for you will include the tolerance to let you be yourself without censure or critique. A Guide for Parents. Also his book Keeping the Love you Find is a great resource.