In either case, children should learn of their adoption from the adoptive parents. This helps give the message that adoption is good and that the child can trust the parents. If the child first learns about the adoption, intentionally or accidentally, from someone other than the parents, the child may feel anger and mistrust towards the parents. He or she may view the adoption as bad or shameful because it was kept a secret. Several excellent children's storybooks are available in bookstores that help parents tell their child about being adopted.
Children have a variety of responses to the knowledge that they are adopted.
Their feelings and responses depend on their age and level of maturity. Some children may deny the adoption or create fantasies about it. Frequently, adopted children hold onto beliefs that they were given away because they were bad, or they may believe they were kidnapped. If the parents talk openly about the adoption and present it in a positive manner, these worries are less likely to develop. All adolescents go through a stage of struggling with their identity, of wondering how they fit with their family, their peers, and the rest of the world.