Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you have ever had. Dogs like to do their snooping outside, as opposed to your wallet, desk, or sock drawer. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their life. Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger than a lobster dinner. You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready 24 hours a day.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts. Dogs never want a foot rub. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public. Dogs find it amusing when you are drunk. Dogs can't talk.