In adulthood, this dishonesty is no longer effective in coping with problems and often creates worse problems, including an inability to acknowledge negative feelings. The first step for the ACOA is to realize that he may have lied during childhood as a survival tactic, but that it is not appropriate or useful in adulthood. Stopping dishonesty involves making an effort on a daily basis and not being too judgmental or harsh if there is not immediate and complete success. Learning to acknowledge negative feelings improves the ACOA's ability to be honest with himself and others. An unrealistic standard of perfection is set by the child who believes that if he were somehow perfect, the family's problems would dissolve.
Adult children are unable to accept themselves as the valuable people they are.
Accepting the fact that one is a flawed and imperfect human being is a primary issue for ACOAs. Imperfections must be accepted in order to gain healthy self-esteem, go forward with goals and feel successful, both personally and professionally. An awareness of basic talents and abilities should be acknowledged and accepted. Learning to accept compliments and not taking blame for issues beyond the ACOA's control are important steps in developing a positive self-image. There is little laughter and children are unable to let go, enjoy themselves, and have fun.