This article has been reproduced with permission from Christian Ethics Today . Copyright February 1997. F our years on the mission field was all it took to lose touch with the jargon and music of the day. When we left Dallas in 1987 the only boundaries I would consider relevant were those of the fence between my yard and my neighbor's. It took awhile, but I finally heard the tune myself and found a way to understand relationship boundaries and was quite grateful to discover that boundary-setting hadn't been a problem for me in years.
Boundaries are the limits that allow for safe connections between individuals.
Our understandings of what are acceptable boundaries grow out of our family of origin. A healthy boundary allows an individual to relate with genuineness to others. They allow others to define who they are, what they think, where they go. Intimacy for this individual can easily lead to abuse if those with whom they relate prove untrustworthy. Persons with rigid boundaries are generally distant, unconnected, and lonely.