My father died when I was seven, and what I remember the most is that no one talked to me about what it meant for a kid to lose a parent. Counselling of some kind would have made a difference. She eventually joined a Senior Citizens kitchen band and ended up on Ted Mack Amateur Hour. He has given you a family of boys. Acknowledge them, spend time with them, but also go out and make new friends as you feel able.
Healing is a process.
You have begun - continue your efforts. Ask Dr. Muriel she can help. We all laugh. We all hurt. We all make mistakes.