A relationship becomes a place of deep spiritual connection when each works hard to profoundly understand the other s point of view, and to hold on to that opposing view while still feeling all one s own inner resistance. An intimate connection means working from that understanding to see what my view looks like from his stance. The process is scary because implicitly it is working with letting go of getting what you want and of being right. In the moment, I may feel very open, very spacious, very exposed and very unknowing. In that moment I have to let go of controlling how things will turn out and trust the process and the other.
Intimate connection demands patience and generosity, but gives back love.
And speaking personally, the practice of maintaining an intimate connection has made my marriage a deeply satisfying relationship. Of course, I m still practicing since my habitual need to be right, to be in control and to get what I want, returns with great regularity. Dogen Zenji, a 13 th century Zen Master and founder of the Soto Zen Sect, whose school stresses the importance of enlightenment in everyday life, says the impediments are the way. And so I ve come to see. Years of holding the tension between my own spiritual needs and the conflicts it created in my own sense of family obligation, have finally clarified that that this is simply who I am.