In either case, children should learn of their adoption from the adoptive parents. This helps give the message that adoption is good and that the child can trust the parents. If the child first learns about the adoption intentionally or accidentally from someone other than parents, the child may feel anger and mistrust towards the parents, and may view the adoption as bad or shameful because it was kept a secret. Adopted children will want to talk about their adoption and parents should encourage this process. Several excellent children's story books are available in bookstores and libraries which can help parents tell the child about being adopted.
Children have a variety of responses to the knowledge that they are adopted.
Their feelings and responses depend on their age and level of maturity. The child may deny the adoption or create fantasies about it. Frequently, adopted children hold onto beliefs that they were given away for being bad or may believe that they were kidnaped. If the parents talk openly about the adoption and present it in a positive manner, these worries are less likely to develop. All adolescents go through a stage of struggling with their identity, wondering how they fit in with their family, their peers, and the rest of the world.