The book offers these ideas for teaching good behavior. A defiant child learns almost exclusively from the consequences of his actions. When you lecture, the child thinks he's winning. When a child makes a bad choice, give him consequences, and then be quiet. These are words to let the child know you're not going to engage in arguing and silly questioning.
Aggressive children love to get under a parent's skin.
Instead, respond with sadness, expressing sorrow when a punishment is issued. Give more choices, get fewer struggles. Never tell children what they just learned. When you do so, you squash his dignity. Certain children are born with the propensity to be mean, and if they are properly nurtured at home and in a day-care setting, they don't have to be aggressive.