Victims may also be threatened by their batterers with 'outing' if they attempt to leave an abusive relationship, or convinced that potential helpers will be homophobic and unhelpful. They're 'asking for it'. This perpetuates the idea that victims are responsible for the violence done to them, that somehow victims cause batterers to be violent. No matter what issues arise in a relationship, feeling frustrated, jealous, hurt, irritated, angry, or afraid or losing a lover is no excuse for resorting to violence as a way to deal with those feelings. Whatever the feeling is that precedes abusive behavior, there is always an alternative, non-violent way of responding.
Abuse is the sole responsibility of the violent person.
This myth is common among both batterers and victims of domestic violence, and it may be a strong force that keeps victims in abusive relationships. Even though a lesbian could choose to press criminal charges against her partner, there are many reasons why she might not. She might fear that the criminal justice system might be hostile or unresponsive to lesbians and the disclosure of violence may threaten her job security, child custody, or personal safety. WHBW is avaailable for helping women sort through their options and make the decisions that they feel are best for them.