The ideal would be to have parents agree on the care and raising of their children. The goal should be to ease the children's adjustment to the new arrangement. Unfortunately, suffering adults may find it difficult to keep this in mind. Last summer, the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts asked me to speak to an international group of family-court judges and their coworkers at a conference on family law and the rights of children. These professionals were passionately interested in identifying what might strengthen the future adjustment of children in divorce cases.
Disruption can be serious and can involve regression.
Overnight visits should be permitted only when the child is familiar with the nonresidential parent's home and not before age 3. If the child seems ready for separation, there can be a maximum of two weekend visits a month. When I presented Dr. Gray's guidelines, the attendees at the meeting were enthusiastic. They were grateful for any set of guidelines to help them make custody decisions.