If you ever find yourself in the presence of the Pope, be sure to sneeze. A lesbian is any woman who doesn't like me. The microwave oven is a consolation prize in our struggle to understand physics. I'd lift weights, but they're so damn heavy.
Death is our ultimate deadline.
If you can't spell vasectomy, you need one. A hundred dollars used to be a lot of money. Now it's just five twenties. None of us should know who Monica Lewinsky is. They say that baseball is the national pastime, but I think it's looking at women's asses.