Control can be hard to spot and is subtle at times, as controlling persons are often on the surface suave and seductive individuals who seemingly display kindness, attention, generosity in public, however these are not heartfelt genuine gestures but rather are tactics or strategies to control and dominate the other person. The abused person's self esteem can become shattered due to the sharp contrast between the public facade the abuser portrays to friends, family and at work and the private life where the abused person's self esteem is attacked systematically and methodically in order to maintain control and dominance by the abuser. Honeymoon phases with promises to change by the abuser often leave the abused person clinging to hope that the seemingly positive charming side of the abuser will win out in the end, and this will be the end of the abuse and excuses and rationalizations take over setting the stage for more bad behavior from the abuser in the near future. Love gives the other person choices and empowers, whereas control and abuse take choices away from the other. When a person takes advantage of their personal power to control a person, it is almost always abusive.
Control is a patternistic behavior with an agenda.
All of us in the process of living or working together may hurt inadvertanly another person or neglect to realize how something we say or do impacts another person. A non-abusive person remedies these situations, learns from them and does not exploit them in a repetitive pattern to get his or her needs met at the detriment or harm of the other person. Types of abuse Physical Abuse violates a person's personal physical space or property and represents a misuse of physical strength or aggression. Abusers have trouble accepting responsibility for their actions and will blame the other person for their rages, temper tantrums and violence. You may be less than perfect but you do not merit abuse.