Beat a hasty retreat to your subconscious mind. Visualize warm milk or cocoa. This miraculous discovery, hidden in secret vaults deep inside the Vatican, was uncovered by medieval manuscript expert LaToya Jackson. Her arm raised in triumph, she began using the tools of creation for the sake of enjoyment. Monks in nearby monasteries took drastic steps to protect themselves.
Cremation is the answer.
It's a small price to pay for untold visions of God's healing oyster. Call Dr. Kevorkian. David L. Updike is a writer and editor living in Philadelphia.