There have been some good things, but it is so hard to remember the good things when there is so much bad. I have lost almost all of my family, my home and my boyfriend. I fantasize about just going far away and starting over. Your choice of words is very interesting. The way you hold your life scenario tells me that you live your life out of chaos.
Chaos creates energy drains.
Energy drains keep you from having what you want. Get rid of them. Start turning things around. Your life works. Your life is only a disaster if you declare it as such.