You're far away from me now, it's hard to connect to me. I'm not the mom you expected, I don't smell like her, I don't sound like her. I'm a different mom, and I love you, and I will wait for you to get over your sadness. And you have to say it, out loud. These are tremendously healing things for this infant to hear, and it will allow the baby to cry, it will allow the baby to mourn.
Babies are much more conscious than they're given credit for.
Medical science is beginning to understand more and more about what babies are capable of. They're actually realizing that babies understand math, that they understand concepts, that they identify people, that they are much, much smarter than we have understood. But what they haven't gotten to yet is that babies are psychologically brilliant, and probably more in touch with their feelings, and more in touch with what's going on than we ever, ever gave them credit for. One of the sad things about psychology is that few people understand how conscious babies are even in utero. One way this shows is in the statistics that certain adopted children have so many psychological problems even though many of them grow up in families who truly love and care about them and want to help them.