Two control freaks without an action plan is not a pretty thing. We wound up having a huge fight last night. For Bridget this is especially hard. She has always been terrified by the notion of the long, arduous hours of labor and delivery. I feel so unbelievably stupid I cannot express it adequately.
Denial is a seductive thing.
One of my major objections to having a baby for all these years has been that I did not think we could get through labor and delivery without things deteriorating into panic attacks and serious conflict. I am deeply ashamed of myself. And so we played out the self-fulfilling prophecy last night, despite the visits to the counselor and the books and the videos and everything else. It is so hard to give up on old habits, no matter how your conscious mind is able to rationalize them away. So here I am, frustrated to have to wait even longer, feeling stupid, ashamed and heartbroken.