Some men have very little control regardless of activity. Others are Ok with themselves, but not with a partner, as in your case. Still others, probably the largest group, are fine except for intercourse. Since many of the exercises for developing better control require an erection, men with both problems should not attempt to work on gaining ejaculatory control until the erection problem is resolved. Now, ejaculatory problems are almost always due to a lack of knowledge, skill, or attention.
Abstinence also hampers control.
Given all this information, it seems like you probably just need more time to get to know your partner, and your patterns together. Get to know what she likes, and what you like to have done to you by her. Talk to each other, during sex and in your lives. As you become more comfortable in your relationship, your sexuality will also become stronger and more fun. If you find your problems lingering, you should check out Bernie Zilbergeld's The New Male Sexuality.