However, when we are actually in a relationship, we often find that our partner is very different from us. Our partner may be more social, more reactive, more indecisive when it comes to problem solving. Or our partner really prefers to go to movies than go for walks in the park or prefers to stand, for what seems like hours, gazing at a particular picture in a museum while we prefer to stroll from room to room taking in the whole rather than focusing on a particular picture. We unconsciously look for someone to love that possesses qualities that fill in the gaps of our own personality. More social people often are in relationships with people who are less social.
Assertive people are often in relationships with people who are more easy going.
So part of the answer lies in the fact that people are attracted to people who have developed parts of their personalities that they have not developed in themselves. Now I understand that many of you have spent a good deal of time attempting to not repeat patterns you learned in your own families of origin. I commend you for this. However, I want you to remember that we spend hundreds of thousands of hours with our families in the growing up process. For we each long for an opportunity to rewrite the past with new endings or solutions.