Gayle Peterson, Ph.D. MSSW Gayle Peterson, MSSW, PhD is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development. If you have thought about having an affair, it is probably not just the amount of sex that is bothering you. It may be that the quality of the sex you are having is not giving you a feeling of connectedness that you want with your husband. Romance and passion do not begin or end in the bedroom. Overt power struggles spawn arguments, which if resolved adequately can add sparkle to a relationship.
Covert power struggles that never surface can deaden passion in a marriage.
The hallmark of these silent struggles are relationships in which all potential disagreement is masked in compliant behavior. Often, one spouse has quite strong preferences and the other does not want to make waves so passively goes along with most of what his or her spouse wants. Individuality is compromised and sexual desire suffers. Saying no to sex may become an expression of autonomy and power when all other areas have been forfeited to keep the peace. Equality in relationships may also be a critical area for you and your husband.