I now think that a central theme of motherhood, and thus the title of this paper, is that mothering means having a child on one's mind, in a pervasive and never-ending way. Although we often talk of the chosen child, with open adoption the reality of the chosen mother is given step-wise precision. In fact, the adopting mother's decision to bring a child into her life is more carefully weighed and deliberated than for most mothers. In open adoption the adoptive mother is not chosen by God, nor by the courts, nor by the child, but initially and ultimately, by the birth mother. The adopting mother wants to be chosen, in fact, is desperate to be chosen.
Desperation is sensed in the waiting.
I am aching to have a child. We seem to live a lifestyle of a couple waiting to have a family. Even before the birth mother makes her choice, the adopting parents lay their whole lives on the line. The home assessment study documents attitudes, beliefs, relationships that most parents do not need to share with others. She wants to be chosen and not rejected.