I also believe that the decision is, in an important way, an opportunity for the birthmother to seek safe passage for her child. If part of the birthmother's psychological work of pregnancy has not included a chance for her to secure safe passage for her baby from her body to another's arms and heart, she will grieve forever. No, it is not, and I acknowledge that problem. My hope was that this would turn into something other than a contest with possession of the baby as the prize. Birthparents need time to make a truly informed decision.
Baby needs a permanent, primary caregiver.
Exactly, it's a real conundrum. I feel like I could take up any of various positions and argue each one convincingly. Kind of like the football in the air, in limbo, with lots of hands reaching for me, but none securely holding me. I do not think it is possible for everyone's needs to get full, undivided, proper attention in adoption. If asked to choose who comes first, then, I will always vote for the baby, and expect the best from the grownups.