I have a right to hold on to my anger even though it hurts me. As the old proverb says, angry children seem to cut off their nose to spite their face. Grudges seem to run in families with some individuals feeling pride about staying angry and being hard-headed. Vulnerable Authorities believe that violence and abuse within a family takes place because the dominant person in the family abuses his or her power. The use of alcohol aggravates this pattern.
Children observe the parental interactions and identify with both the victim and the aggressor.
They internalize these actions of both parents and carry them out in other settings. By identifying with the victim in the family, they learn fear and weakness. That is why aggressive children are often a pushover for someone tougher than themselves. They go to any length to hide these feelings of weakness from others and from themselves. They judge others according to standards of toughness and macho behavior.