I empathize with you. As to how to deal with the situation, first, on the practical front, check out the facts about Ritalin, and healthy alternatives, like paying more attention to diet. Then it s important for you and your spouse to take a look at the bigger picture here. My own experience, as the single parent of a teenage son whom I am co-parenting with his mother, is that parenting is really an inside job. The calmer, clearer, more centered, and grounded we are as parents, the more positive effect this has on our children.
Children are extremely sensitive to energy.
If the parents are living in a state of conflict and worry, the children will pick up on this. They will act out. If they have hyperactive tendencies, they will become even more hyperactive. Conversely, when the parents know how to relax and be at peace within themselves, then kids have a better chance of learning how to embody this most important of life skills. In fact, my experience is that it happens by osmosis.