Thoughts of merriment may arouse feelings of guilt and disloyalty. Life is shattered for those who have lost a loved one to a violent death. These issues add to the burden for traditional days. Goffman says that rituals are necessary for the management of fears, and for the adaptation to the changes necessary in relationships after death. Rituals serve to acknowledge change without threatening the overall social order.
Ceremonies help with adapting to what has happened.
Rituals allow one to be emotionally engaged while creating a safe distance to ease the overwhelming pain of loss. Ceremonies work to compartmentalize the review of losses amid holiday reminders. Symbols help replace painful images and memories. An example of this is when Ann worried about what she would do with the neck and tail of the turkey at Thanksgiving. She stated that her brother, who was a homicide victim this past July, always made a fuss and got the turkey parts every year.