Becoming highly attuned to the pleasure and displeasure reactions of the abuser is a survival strategy. A victim's own needs, wants and desires become irrelevant because what will help keep the victim most safe is intimately connected to the abuser's mood, wants, likes, and dislikes. As a result, victims may know more about the abuser than they do about themselves. In fact, victims will often adopt these survival strategies regardless of whether or not their partners are involved with substances. It is important to take a look at what can happen when a victim of domestic violence becomes engaged in a twelve-step program.
Abusers are typically very resistant to their partners' attempts toward independence of any kind.
Abusers may respond to their partners' changes in behavior by re-establishing their control through the use of intensified violence and coercion. It's not difficult for anyone to identify personal flaws, failings, and mistakes they've made in their intimate relationships. For victims of domestic violence whose partners have blamed them for the violence and reinforced their belief that they are somehow responsible, applying these steps may further intensify their sense of responsibility for their partners' violent and coercive behavior. It can also be damaging to engage victims in codependency treatment that encourages them to examine their family of origin and identify their roles in the family as a way to understand their behavior and their relationships now. As a general rule, victims of violent crime need, first and foremost, safety-related assistance, not therapy .