Power struggles are often an escalation of bids for undue attention. Your child is trying to find out how powerful he is, and his mistake is thinking that he only counts when he's running the show. Dealing with the mistaken goal of revenge takes patience. A child who hurts others feels that she's been hurt and that she has to even the score in order to count. But when she hurts others she established a painful cycle of relating to people through hurting and being hurt.
Assumed disability is the refuge of a discouraged child.
It's a lot easier to give up than to try and fail over and over again. Your job as a parent is to help him count in a positive way and remember that misbehavior has specific goals that can help you strengthen your child's self-esteem. Marsha Calhoun is a writer and editor living in Sonoma County.