To exacerbate the problem, most parents take the side of the younger child, or the girl, who is usually perceived as the weaker one. Parents feel compelled to rush to the defense of the one who appears helpless, the one whose selfishness is manifested in hurt feelings and a persecution complex. The other child appears aggressive, but in reality they are both aggressively using their best weapons to get their own ways. It is a mistake to interpret conflict in terms of aggressor and victim. Occasionally that is the case, but not usually.
Children are as smart as they are selfish.
The ones who don t have the personality or brawn to rule through intimidation will soon discover the power of playing the victim, thus eliciting parental power to gain an advantage over their more explosive brothers and sisters. If the parents are blind to this ploy and are always intervening on behalf of the victim, they will increase the tension, making a solution impossible. I see some families where the parents treat all their children as victims of the outside world. Everyone is an aggressor, treating their children unfairly. The parents constantly run interference to see that their children are not mistreated.