Also, other stuff could be going on - in addition to or instead of abuse. If you think you are being abused, or are abusive, get a professional opinion . Victims are not contemptuous weaklings, as abusers, who cannot deal with their own imperfections, tend to see them. They are highly empathic individuals who don't value, respect, or trust themselves. They were badly hurt early on.
Abusive individuals are their own victims.
Abusive people can't meet their emotional needs. They think their partner should do that. Victims often are abusive. Victims sometimes think they are the abuser. Abuse is just one more framework for viewing relational difficulties that can be seen in other ways as well.