Get some therapy and support groups for yourself and the kids, get over it, and start the whole process over again with someone else. And meanwhile be nice to your ex, and don't use the kids as weapons, even if it means you lose them. But we have been telling people these things for 30 years, and they just seem to be getting worse, madder, more desperate. One thing that my clients hate about the divorce process is that they are not in control of their own lives. Regardless of who started it, the potential costs of divorce are unlimited.
Any divorce can turn out to be a death match where the richer or meaner spouse wins by attrition.
A covenant marriage law would restore some sense of self-control. People who got divorced against their will would no longer feel that they had been totally passive victims whose belief and dedication to the sanctity of marriage had been used against them. And for those who choose covenant marriage, it really would give them more control. Many people my age tell me that IF they ever marry, they would want it to be for life. They have seen what it's like to be divorced, they have known parents and children who have little or no contact with one another, and many of them are determined not to live that way.