Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get. Beer never asks you to change the channel. Beer doesn't make you go shopping. Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass. Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
Beer is always easy to pick up.
Big, fat beers are nice to have. Beer doesn't pout or play games. Beer is easy to get into. Beer never complains when you take it somewhere. Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers.