That's the way it is. Shadows cannot find their way back once they are weaned. To love a sport is to experience a lifelong passion for something bigger than yourself. To walk away from it must therefore be the opposite. I live with it.
All former addicts live with it.
If you read this and say, I can beat it. I am better than you. You are better than me. You are stronger than me. We all want to beat the system.