Children shouldn't be messengers. They don't like it, and often they don't even want to talk about what they did. They should want to talk to you, you shouldn't make them. Open-ended inquiries and conversations may be the best way to begin communication about visiting, Quick said. For middle school-aged children, the biggest concern is making sure they understand the cause of the divorce.
Adolescents become angry, blaming a parent and often trying to retreat from the family.
Talking about divorce may be a tough subject, but it is necessary, Quick said. Once final decisions have been made, it is important to communicate the situation clearly, directly and in an age-appropriate manner. Parents may even want to write a letter to the child explaining the divorce. Communication must continue through life, Quick noted, because as children grow, they may move through stages of coping. However, some children, particularly younger children, may find it difficult to verbalize their feelings.