While adoptive parents must prepare their children for unkind attitudes, questions, and remarks about adoption, it is also important for parents to prepare children conceived with donor assistance or surrogacy for the sad fact that not everyone will understand or be supportive of why some people choose this method of family building. Probasco advises that parents can say, we can help you think through who you would like to tell and what details would be appropriate to share. We want you to know that this is your story and we feel proud of the way you came to our family. We also want you to understand that if it is your wish to maintain privacy regarding your beginnings, you have our support for that choice. Melina Probasco, and others all agree that children should have the details about how they came into the family before they enter adolescence.
Adolescence is the time for coming to terms with one's identity.
Parents must be prepared for the fact that their children may struggle with identity issues and be prepared to assist them.