Among couples complaint to your mate is healthy, and is the opposite of suppression.
Criticism can be positive, and lead to growth, if the spirit is constructive.
Do not use arguments as a way to retaliate or exhibit a superior moral stance. Aggression in intimate relationships is a common way to deal with fear. Anger and hostility are interpreted as rejection. Hostility is an outgrowth of feelings of fear. Respond to hostility with a hug.