As her husband, Howard Levine, recovered in the hospital, Carol Levine received sympathy and support. Eventually though, she says her identity evolved from anguished wife to caregiver, from partner to nurse. I became the person who was supposed to do all the things that my husband needed. There was a sense that I was supposed to do it all cheerfully and not raise any objections. It's natural for family caregivers to experience conflicting emotions in their roles.
Ambivalence is particularly common.
While many caregivers derive satisfaction from helping someone they love, at the same time, society demands that caregivers cover up other feelings that are not socially acceptable, such as guilt or anger. As baby boomers assume care giving for aging parents and other family members, it is important to set limits without guilt. When Illness Turns Families Into Caregivers, a collection of caregivers' stories, for which Levine and Young each contributed a chapter. We have to recognize that human beings are only able to do so much. It doesn't serve anybody, particularly the person who needs care, to have someone who is desperately unable to cope.