Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. Everyone looks up to you and smiles. You are dancing on the table. Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
Beer is crystal-clear.
Somebody is trying to sober you up. Punch his lights out. Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. You have been in a fight. Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.