If you are feeling worthless do it now. I - Most importantly get help from professionals. It's sure better than trying suicide, and people there are trained to get you help. They will understand, but act. Just do it.
Apocalypse means a revelation.
Please use these things I have suggested. Using only one probably won't help much, so try to put some of them into effect as soon as you can. You are a total package and Apocalypse is here to help you get your total package back together. The web has other good resources, but I don't think they spell out a program for you with the why's. I sincerely hope and pray you understand, and that this helps you.