The birthmother also experiences great pain - she has lost her child. There are no rituals for the birthmother to grieve. No gathering of people help the birthmother through this transition and support her grief. She is told to forget the experience and put it behind her. She is told that if she really loves her child she will give him up.
Adoptive parents experience their pain before adoption takes place.
If infertility is an issue, they have gone through medical tests and money to try to have their own biological child. The task for the adoptive parent is to release the fantasy child they could have had. It means saying goodbye to a much desired wish. Loss is clearly an issue here that if left unaddressed, will revisit the adoptive family. One of the most important techniques you can use is that of validating their pain.