Instead, psychological health is based on the individual's ability to be autonomous, self-sufficient, competitive and independent, in short, on attributes which place the self in a primary position. Relational Theory was developed in the seventies by Jean Baker Miller and colleagues at the Stone Center as an alternative to these traditional male-based models. This new theory highlighted emotional and relational competence as key to psychological health. Although this theory was originally developed as a way of understanding girls' and women's development, my colleagues and I have spent the last decade applying the concepts of Relational Theory to boys' and men's' development. Traditional models limit developmental possibilities for males in our culture.
Boys learn to disconnect from their feelings and from real relationship.
They become isolated, unable to identify or express their inner states and often resort to acting out emotions through aggression or self-destructive behaviors. My work addresses the missing emotional and relational developmental piece for boys. I am involved in a number of different projects, developing models for parents and teachers to use with boys, which address relational and emotional competence. Cultural issues which limit boys are outlined at each developmental stage and specific strategies are offered for teaching boys how to counter these forces and how to develop better relational skills. I have worked with parents and with boys in peer group settings and have seen significant change happen in these homes and communities.