When questioned they can see the warnings along the way that they ignored hoping for magical quick-fixes to relationship difficulties. While they ignored the obvious, the employee or other spouse went through a terrifying and painful struggle to make a decision demanded by their soul even as their mind fought against such a difficult choice. The struggle of the spirit against rational thought show us that life is not in our control but is influenced by larger forces. We cannot will life to be as we would like it to be. When we leave a relationship, whether work, a friendship, or a marriage, many want to find simple, rational reasons and assess blame to someone, usually the one who initiated the change.
Blame is a defense designed to hide our own issues or responsibility for an ending.
I hear managers, friends, and spouses blame endings on the selfishness of the other person. My gut reaction when I hear such blame and judgement is to consider that the person blaming is the selfish one. Blame takes us away from soulful living, and when we catch ourselves blaming another we should see it as a sign that we need to look within ourselves to our own issues or responsibility. Moralistic judgments of other s motives and actions and ego driven struggles against change only serve to block life s natural process for change, creativity, and new growth. We cannot live creatively without many endings in our lives.