An article published in the July 1997 North Shore Deep Cove Crier One of the most encouraging books that I have read recently is by the best-selling author Gary Smalley, who has recently sold over 8 million videos on how to strengthen our vital relationships. One of the keys to his memorable books is that Gary teaches you how to fall in love with life all over again. The average person, says Smalley, has little or no idea how damaging that forgotten or ignored anger can be. Anger, says Smalley, is a secondary emotion, not a primary feeling. It arises out of fear, frustration, hurt, or some combination of these three.
Anger is actually a coping strategy to attempt to banish fear from our lives.
Sometimes our parents have non-verbally taught us that perfect anger casts out all fear, when the truth is that only perfect love casts out all fear. Smalley comments that anger can be thought of as a sticky, bad-smelling dangerous substance that can be compressed and stuffed into something like a spray can. Angry people tend to go around spraying their anger on other people. The spray is felt by others as meanness, insensitivity, and general offensiveness. Most angry people have no idea that their angry spray stings others like hydrochloric acid.