The challenges may begin before the vows, during the stressful time of planning the wedding. Parents may need time, just like the spouse, to adjust to the new in-law relationship. Both sides of the family have expectations of the new couple that can create conflicts and disappointments. These expectations may involve family arrangements at the wedding or future decisions about where to spend holidays and vacations.
Comparisons often lead to defensiveness, rebuttals, unnecessary arguments and harsh feelings.
Couples need to avoid bringing their parents into their disagreements. Parents likewise should avoid becoming involved in the couple's problems, but rather give only affirmation and emotional support. An exception would be if the parents are specifically asked for advice. In cases where the parents do not have a good relationship with their own child, the spouse has even more difficult responsibilities. Davis said the spouse should not personally enter into the problem.