For example, you may feel empty, cold, exhausted and disconnected. While the intensity of shock varies with each individual, generally it is greatest when the death comes without warning. On the other hand, shock may also occur after a death due to a long term illness. Numbness works to block our feelings of pain, allowing our psyche some time to absorb the magnitude of what has happened. This emotional shield which may come and go, allows us to complete the necessary tasks of making funeral arrangements and contacting friends and relatives.
Denial comes out of our desire to feel better quickly, to be done with the pain.
As with every other grieving emotion, denial fluctuates in intensity. And, like the feeling of numbness, denial postpones our fears, anxieties and pain until we're ready to deal with it. Although denial most often occurs when a death is untimely, it can also arise when the death was anticipated. One way to do that is to talk about what happened, including the exact circumstance of the death. Although focusing obsessively on the details can become a trap that keeps us from other aspects of our grief, in the beginning we need to tell the whole story.