Simply pointing out a fact does not tell the reader what its significance is. Direct quotations are nice, but they should be used sparingly. When using a direct quotation, special attention must be given to analyze its relevance to your the thesis. The essay should have an introduction which delineates the subject and thesis, a main body of paragraphs which flow well, and a conclusion which reaffirms the main point. The more clearly and eloquently you express your main point, the easier it will be to convince the reader of your point of view.
Clarity is paramount.
Your reader must be able to follow you through each step of your logic to understand what you are trying to prove. Jumping from one point to another without discussing how they are related will disorient the reader. Also, be careful with historical narrative. Holding back details for more dramatic impact will probably dilute the clarity and force of your thesis. You should also restrict historical background material to what is necessary to understand your thesis.