A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't count. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety. A cucumber will never leave you for another woman. Cucumbers stay hard for a week. Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
It's easy to drop a cucumber. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber. With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry. You always know where your cucumber has been. Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.