As with all communication, however, the secret is in the delivery. Never be accusatory or disrespectful. If your spouse reacts badly to something you've said, it's possible that he or she did not understand what you meant. Before you overreact, take time to find out what your spouse thinks you meant, and, if necessary, explain what it is you were trying to say. Arguments are a legitimate way to communicate, but the arguments must be based on a person's actions or words, not what one side imagines is motivating the other side.
Arguments are also okay when they are fair, honest disputes about family policy or priorities.
Personal attacks against your spouse are disrespectful and they get in the way of real discussion about important matters. It is dangerous to react to your spouse with anger. Anger impairs judgment and impedes communication. When people get angry, they may be speechless, or they may cry, yell, stomp out of the room, run away, or throw things. Some may even beat their spouse or children.