It is not that she was difficult in herself. I had a hard time working with her. I would like to share with you a technique that some of my students and I came up with called the Difficult Person exercise. Inspired by some of the teachings on exchanging oneself for other in Shantideva s Bodhicharyavatara, it can be helpful in reconnecting us with our compassionate longings, our hearts. In Buddhism, particularly in the mahayana teachings, the cultivation of compassion is pivotal.
Compassion refers to our desire to alleviate the sufferings of all beings.
In order to do this, the first step is to recognize, acknowledge and open to the reality of suffering both in our own lives and in the lives of others. We see both the simple fact of the pain in our lives and also how we try to avoid recognizing it. The practice of tonglen is another powerful way to open to the pain in our own lives and that of others. The Difficult Person exercise provides an additional tool for us to focus on one particular person with whom we are having a hard time. Although it was designed for working with therapy clients, it could be used in any kind of relationship.