It comes from trying, failing, and trying repeatedly until they succeed. Encouragement is generally necessary when they begin to feel discouraged. If children are always criticized for their mistakes, or they are helped too much, they may be prevented from developing genuine self-esteem. Aspiring to goals that are too high or unrealistic for their age, or intense competitiveness with older or accomplished siblings may deny children any feelings of success and pride in their accomplishment. They may then deviate into fantasy, or rely on the opinion or behavior of others for the illusion of an exaggerated self-esteem.
Adults can also set mistaken benchmarks for their self-esteem.
Money, power, possessions, and fame are seductive substitutes for the feeling of personal value in our culture. Most people have the opportunity of doing the best they can with what they have inherited, to improve their living situations, and to develop their interests and capacities. Parental neglect, rejection, or abuse can easily provoke deep, painful feelings of insecurity or worthlessness in children. Many grow up yearning for revenge. However, pampering, overprotection and indulgence can also set the stage for intensified inferiority feelings.