On the other hand, children raised in highly dysfunctional marriages were no better off and sometimes worse off than children raised in unhappy post-divorce families. When chaos and abuse are the norm inside a family, the marital status of the parents can be irrelevant in affecting how much children get hurt. Many positive experiences common to children of intact families were never cited by children of divorce. Adolescence lasts longer for children of divorce, because breaking free of their parents is more complicated than for their peers raised in intact families. Since many children become confidantes, friends, and even mentors of their parents during and after the divorce crisis, emotional separation is more difficult.
Anger can also bind a child to a parent well into adulthood.
Leaving home physically, therefore, does not equate with leaving home emotionally. The typical child of divorce is often remarkably compassionate and attuned to other people s feelings. She is unusually close to siblings and supportive of them. The need to cope at an early age can lead to mastery and later professional success. But at the extreme, the parentified child still feels required to rescue mom or dad, feels guilty attending to her own needs, and may repeat the rescue fantasy in adult relationships.