It is difficult for children, young children in particular, to comprehend that the most powerful people in their universe are unable to sustain the one adult relationship that matters most to the child. The disaster of divorce and the havoc it brings to the lives of mothers and fathers does not need to victimize children. Pastors can help separating couples realize that the nurture of their children is a parental responsibility rather than a legal decision. The one major exception is if a spouse or children have been threatened with violence. Then immediate legal action is required.6 An agreement determining how a couple will care for their children after divorce is different from establishing the legal ramifications of custody.
Custody establishes which children live where and when and who pays.
Too many couples wait on the legal process to determine their post-divorce family. In many cases a knowledgeable pastor can help parents establish a parenting agreement that clarifies how they want to parent their children once the divorce is finalized. A shared parenting agreement should be in writing. It should be spelled out as a limited partnership that establishes boundaries between the two parental households, between the two parents, and between each parent and child. Research shows adults like the fact that they choose to continue parenting after divorce rather than submitted to a court-ordered custody arrangement.