In that case, anyone named Brenda gets on automatically. At least on my team. Take any player with his own ice chest. No vice presidents. Never take a guy wearing a batting glove.
Batting gloves do nothing.
Anyone with a tattoo starts. Two tattoos bats cleanup. If it is ratty and frayed and has masking tape all over it, you want the guy. If it is shiny and orange and is signed by Rusty Staub, you'd better pass. If he owns spikes, he's in.