Drench Twinkies in rocket fuel for 15 seconds, or until saturated. Insert timing device and char-broil until done. Sprinkle with Skittles. Make money grow on trees. Cross Scrooge McDuck's greed gene into a golden delicious apple tree.
Bypasses pesky consumer regulators.
No need to market bothersome products. Kit includes genes for dollars, yen and euros. Wait 4 years. No upgrade hassles. No ports, no cables, no printer, no monitor.