People pull for different reasons, in different places, and at different times. Some people pull a lot and some a little. And everyone has their own ideas of help.
Communication is the key.
They may have been afraid in the past to come out and say what they have wanted and your asking might help to open up those lines of communication. Many TTM sufferers really are not't sure what they want or what will work. So both of you may need to try out a few ideas before you find one that works. Remember that communication is a 2 way street. They may be embarrassed and respond by being angry and defensive.