Choices, Not Orders After side-stepping the power struggle, the next step is to give choices, not orders. The child choose a room, but once in the room, balked again at the diaper change. The child pointed to a bed, the diaper was changed and the ongoing power struggle about diaper changes was ended. When giving children choices, parents must be sure that all choices are acceptable. Don't give your child the choice of either sitting down quietly or leaving the restaurant if you have no intention of leaving.
Autocratic choices are choices that are so narrow the child senses no freedom at all.
Young children benefit from having some choices narrowed, but try to give broad and open-ended choices whenever possible. Choices should not represent a punishment as one alternative. One mother asked herself this question concerning an endless battle she was having with her son about buckling his seat belt. Her solution was that she made him boss of the seat belts - it became his job to see that everyone was safely secured. The power struggle ended.