Use it when you're free enough of your problems to feel accepting and want to help your spouse or children with their problems. Know when not to use active listening. Nor will it work to influence them to change some behavior you don't accept. Don't try it if you don't have the time or aren't in the mood. Don't use it as a technique to manipulate your family members to behave the way you want them to behave.
Competence comes only with practice.
Student won't become competent at active listening without lots of practice. Don't give up too quickly. It takes time for your students to realize you and their peers really do want to understand and you are accepting their problems and feelings. You'll never know the capabilities of your children unless you give them a chance to solve their own problems. Start, if you can, with the attitude that your children can solve their own problems without your direction or solution.