Outsiders tend to label all of our activities and practices as insane, violent or abusive no matter how highly skilled we become at them or how long we have mentored or studied our techniques or craft. Abusive bdsm is when one person harms or misuses another, with the intent to control in non-consensual ways. This misuse of power harms the well-being of the victim. Many people believe it can only happen to submissives or novices. That is untrue.
Abuse can and does happen to anyone.
There are three basic principles that comprise what many believe to be a healthy bdsm relationship and are often used to help prevent abuse. They may feel that what they have been practicing or fantasizing about in private has now become very complicated. Many newcomers will make unsafe choices simply because they do not know how to care for themselves or do not fully understand the implications of their choices. Many experience players will not engage with newcomers because it puts them at risk until the newcomers learn about what is available and appropriate for them. You may feel alone.