A description of these reactions are given below as a way of acquainting parents, staff, and volunteers with the feelings they might expect to hear about. These general reactions are described by a feeling, word or phrase that best explains the issues. Children often feel they are to blame for the abuse. Children from violent homes live in a constant state of anxiety even when things are calm because they never know when the next fight will start. Children often feel guilty about the abuse because they feel as though they should or could have done something to stop it.
Children also experience guilt over the good feelings they have about the abuser.
Children who are separated from the abuser are in the process of grieving over the loss of not living with that parent. Children may also grieve over losing the life style and positive image of the abuser they had before the violence began. The idea of not knowing how one feels or having two opposite emotions at the same time is very difficult for kids. This material was developed for the U. S. Army Community and Family Support Center, Family Advocacy Program by staff of the Family Life Development Center in cooperation with Cornell Cooperative Extension, Cornell University, Ithaca, New York.