If you are actively involved in a very dysfunctional relationship with a borderline, I think it is important to ask yourself what it is about you that you are in this relationship. If you are in pain, ask the person to get help and get help yourself. If it is difficult for you to leave a painful relationship where no one gets help, this is the time you need to get some help for yourself and that is perfectly ok. Getting help is not a weakness but a strength in taking care of yourself. Also I wanted to acknowledge your feelings that yes, it is not just you.
Borderlines can be very, very difficult to be around.
When we can be our true selves without the illness, we are truly wonderful and usually very intelligent people. However the illness many times keeps people at a distance. You are not alone in your frustrations. I encourage you to read her book for more details. It is in my recommended reading section.