That means that I'm afraid of the sea. I hate the sea. I despise the loathsome, malicious roar of the surf. Indeed I have a kind of hydrophobia, both bodily and spiritual. The thought of the deep, that realm of twilight and darkness where so many men of my calling have rotted, fills me with genuine terror.
All sailors are afraid of the sea.
They know what it is. At least six generations of my forefathers have been seamen. I hate the ocean, the bottomlessness, the depth, but I can never escape it. From terror of the ocean I've tried to live on land, with firm ground under my feet. At such times, when my dread of the sea had become too strong to bear, I earned my daily bread by giving instruction.