This may be none of my business, but there's nothing worse than being stuck on a one-niter tour with an opener who spends his entire set doing shots with the audience. I open with a double shot of Cuervo. The moment you abandon your act in favor of free shots from the audience, you become their trained monkey for the rest of the show. If you became a road comic just so you could drink on the job, you could have saved yourself a lot of driving by becoming an airline pilot instead.
Difference is, pilots buy their own drinks.
If you'll look out the left side of the aircraft, you'll see the Grand Canyon. If you'll look out the right side of the aircraft, you'll see Hoover Dam. If you'll look to the front of the cabin, you'll see a sick bag demonstration performed by myself and First Officer Daniels. Don't forget to tip your flight attendants. That safety lecture will come in handy when we nose dive into Lake Mead at 600 miles per hour.