The suspicion of technique as opposed to essence is a trait of the gentleman East or West. If being a gentleman is just a matter of technique, of surface accomplishment, it would never appeal to the true gentleman. It would be a counterfeit. Of course any word can be degraded, including Gentleman, which may explain why my friend is under the impression that he has known gentlemen with no great moral strength. Just as we all have known proud Christians or professional patriots.
Counterfeits are everywhere.
In a way the progress of civilization is a matter of saving and, when necessary, restoring the meaning of good words. Gentleman is one of them.