It's incumbent on us, as parents, to acknowledge that it usually feels better to blend in than to stick out and then to create opportunities, if they don't already exist, for our sons and daughters to be in an environment where they can blend in. There are lots of wonderful, well-meaning adoptive parents who are a whole lot more interested in adoption than their children are, at times. We're the ones who keep buying books and going to conferences, attending adoptive family picnics, homeland tours and culture camps. A child's interest in adoption may wane more than wax. There will be times when he or she doesn't want to talk about adoption, or when it is not the primary focus.
Adoption never goes away, however, and it's up to parents to keep the discussion alive.
Somehow we think that if we do and say all the right things, adoption won't be confusing or painful to our children. But that's not acknowledging what adoption is. No matter how well things have worked out, adoption involves loss and loss involves grief. And we cannot insulate our children from either one. As adoptive parents, we can't fix our children's past.