Stable, happy stepfamilies can help heal the scars of divorce. They enable kids to see adults relating well, providing a model for resolving conflict. And they teach children how to get along with different types of people, Bray found. But it doesn't happen overnight. The first year or two is the toughest time, the researcher says - and anybody in a stepfamily can validate that.
Children often have to move, changing schools and making new friends.
The stepparent has to get to know the kids, and vice versa. The new spouses must work at parenting together. He found that remarriage is easiest when children are very young and toughest when kids are ages 10-14. That's because they're trying to move beyond the family, Bray notes. They're sensitive about sexuality and don't like to see a parent romancing.