Changes tables - Nyphomaniac. Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob. Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch. Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters.
Credit card is refused - Low sperm count.
Undertips waiter - Small penis. Undertips parking valet - Small penis. Undertips cabbie - Small penis. Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.