Putting Psychiatric Drugs to the Test , edited by Seymour Fisher and Roger Greenberg. Of course, it might be that questioning your antidepressants could harm their efficacy for you. It was a blind alley ultimately. I don't know the ultimate causes of your problems, but I do believe that one's views of these problems and their sources have personal consequences. I don't view alcohol addiction as a disease.
Alcohol abuse causes diseases.
There are people who have had great careers and great lives, or so it would seem, and they can be seriously depressed to the point of not being able to function. But I do have some good friends. You came across great. I admire a serious and thoughtful person, trying to come to grips with their lives. I like to consult with people to achieve success.