When that happens, we not as fully healed as we might be. I don't think we realize how much we are cheating ourselves, when we try to cut the corners. The first step in any process of reconciliation is called confession . I hurt you. Without confession, reconciliation cannot take place.
Confession is sort of like taking responsibility.
A lot of hurt takes place when we pretend that things didn't happen, or when we pretend that we were completely uninvolved. It's horrible enough when people do bad things. The hurt is magnified when people deny and duck and dodge and excuse. Sometimes we do more damage in the process of weaseling out of things and making excuses, than we did with our original action. Confession sometimes involves listening to the person who's been offended against.