Yet, thinking back, I saw that I had never been really calm and sure of myself. Ah, how unwise it had been to hope for what was not to be in the nature of things. Day and night I was busy with prayers, somewhat listlessly and aimlessly, perhaps, but almost without pause. Those who had heard what I said then must certainly be smiling now. I was sleeping too well.
Cuckoos are for people who have worries and can lie awake listening.
I said to myself, hoping no one would notice. We'll see if it has any effect in the world. Thus, while days passed empty and fleetingly, the year came to an end and New Year's morning has come. Why don't you write that down exactly as you just said it, and send it to his lordship. The year's edge has arrived with me deep in the usual endless thoughts.