I get what I deserve. After pounding myself to a pulp, I often swing to the other extreme and blame the person who hurt me. She is insensitive. He is totally to blame for this mess. Blaming ourselves or others is a trap which keeps us from healing by consuming our energy in ill-defined accusations and overstating the negative.
Blame makes reconciliation impossible.
However, when we hold ourselves and others accountable for specific behavior, we can be clear about the hurtful actions, recognize what can be learned from the situation, and identify what steps can be taken to make amends. We can begin to heal our damaged self-esteem and our trust in others. Betrayal signifies loss - loss of trust, loss of safety, loss of predictability, and maybe even loss of a relationship. The grief can seem overwhelming. I've found that grieving the losses of betrayal are often compounded by the reactions of my friends.