It hurts to see those that we love be in pain. We want to make it better. But we can't. The only thing that we can do is let them know that we are there to be a shoulder to cry on, a person to vent to, a friend to help in what ever way is needed. We often have the delusion that we have control over our lives.
Death is the ultimate out of control experience.
So, once again, I feel helpless. There is nothing that I can do to change the situation. We don't want to face that. So we bake cookies and send plants or avoid the mourners. Now, the first two choices really can give comfort to those who are grieving.