Doubt and despair .
Despair is an expression of the total personality, doubt only of thought.
The first episode of OCD that I recall was when I was a youngster, about 9 or 10. The thought kept running through my mind that I may hurt my parents. The thoughts ran throught my mind constantly and sent me into panic attacks. My parents were ignorant of this horrible disease and my mother tried to help me. I told her that I had these terrible thoughts of hurting them in my mind, and she told me that if I ever said that again, she was going to hand me a gun to see what I would do.