You are in Living Better . My wife committed adultery three years ago and I can't get over it. I harass her verbally and emotionally, continuously beating her with the past. Feeling hurt, betrayed, and suspicious is certainly normal after learning of a spouse's infidelity, so some of what you're experiencing is understandable. But after three years, you may have gotten stuck in an emotional gully and need some professional help getting out.
Different men feel differently about infidelity.
A man who knew for a long time that his marriage was in trouble might almost shrug it off. But a man whose self-esteem is closely tied to his role as husband or lover may feel as if he's been mugged. And panic can resurge in someone who was abandoned or abused in childhood. Others sink into depression, castigating themselves for not seeing the crisis and somehow heading it off. Still others entertain fantasies of revenge against their rivals.