The average cucumber is at least six inches longer. Cucumbers stay hard for two weeks. A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't matter. Cucumbers don't get too excited.
Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
You can fondle cucumbers in the supermarket and you know how firm they are before you take one home. A cucumber will respect you in the morning. You can go to a movie with a cucumber and see the movie. With a cucumber you can really bite into it with no worries. A cucumber won't discuss you with it's work mates.