Abusers don't make a choice to be abusive, they are generally doing the best they can given the emotional and psychological issues they face. Abusers are often survivors of abuse themselves. Many of the attributes of abusers are documented trauma based adaptations to childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Abusers act out of deep seated shame and feelings of inadaquacy. They seek to pull thier partner down to make themselves feel better.
Abuse is a family dysfunction that repeats through generations.
Just as addictions pass down through generations, abusers often leave their families for a family of choice - then repeat the abusive cycle from the other side. The abused becomes the abuser and so continues the cycle. Warning signs of abusive relationships. Here's what healthy and abusive relationships look like. Mental and emotional tactics of abusers.