Your grandfather's condition may be more visible, but it is possible that your grandmother is having cognitive difficulties. The first thing you should do is call a family meeting to hear how others interpret the difficulties. As a family, you may be able to provide supportive services with your grandparent's consent. If your grandmother doesn't want you to know about their finances, she may accept aid from a trained volunteer. Guardianship Services, the non-profit agency that handles guardianships for incapacitated elders, has started a new service.
All volunteers are bonded.
They can be reached at 225-5683. They can investigate cases of abuse, neglect and exploitation. It sounds like your grandparent's case could be defined as one where your grandmother is neglecting the needs of your grandfather. All else failing, you may need to seek a full guardianship over your grandfather to offer him adequate care and protection. It is likely that your grandmother would object to any attempt to take away her control.