Many verbal abusers are delightful, charming men in public. They save their cruelty for a private audience of one. During the courtship period, everyone is on their best behavior. The verbal abuse is slight and probably few and far between. Since women want to believe the best of their lovers, they overlook obvious verbal abuse.
Chemistry adds to the capability women have to overlook the first subtle signs of abuse.
Then they marry or move in together. One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. As women begin to internalize the criticism and believe it's valid, self-image sinks lower and lower. They start feeling worthless, incompetent, unlovable. They even start thinking that if this man loves them, they should hold on to him.