The church directory doesn t have last names. The pastor wears boots. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can t leave them a bag of squash. There is no such thing as a secret sin.
Baptism is referred to as branding.
There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 O clock that afternoon you have had a dozen calls inquiring about your health. High notes on the organ sets dogs in the parking lot to howling. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.