As with all communication, however, the secret is in the delivery. Never be accusatory or disrespectful. If your spouse reacts badly to something you've said, it's possible that he or she did not understand what you meant. Before you overreact, take time to find out what your spouse thinks you meant, and, if necessary, explain what it is you were trying to say. Arguments are a legitimate way to communicate, but the arguments must be based on a person's actions or words, not what one side imagines is motivating the other side.
Arguments are also okay when they are fair, honest disputes about family policy or priorities.
Personal attacks against your spouse are disrespectful and they get in the way of real discussion about important matters. Some communication problems may be the result of the different ways men and women tend to communicate. Each sex often expects a particular response when they say something, and some are surprised or offended when they get something else. Women often want their feelings acknowledged, while men want to fix things, to solve problems. For example, a wife who complains about her terrible day at work probably wants empathy, not a discussion about what she should have done to avoid it.