Luckily, she lived far away and this minimized the disruption. We had to ask her not to come because we couldn't handle the catastrophe at home and her neediness too. It hurt her feelings, but we just couldn't cope with it. Other grandparents allow pre-existing problems with their adult child to color their perceptions of what the family needs. Sometimes grandparents try to blame the parents for the cancer or make other kinds of hurtful comments.
Disagreements can also arise if grandparents try to take charge.
Criticizing parents' choice of doctors, hospitals, or treatment can be very disruptive and further stress the family's resources. I told her he would love to see her, that his little face just would light up when he had visitors. But she never came. She never offered to help at home when he was so ill. She just disappeared.