Over lunch or at table during a coffee break, they exchange stories and remembrances of the one who has died, even though most of the stories have been told and heard many times. It s almost a contest to see who can remember the best story. Most often the stories capture in a single slice of life some characteristic trait of the monk they are remembering, and a good- natured laugh presses each story between the pages of memory, like a dried flower, for safe keeping. Not all the monks obey that advice because they know that no one is all good or all bad. But respect prevails, and even the more annoying habits of the monk who has died are remembered now with a tenderness that wasn t always possible when he was alive.
Death has a way of tempering harsh judgment.
Remembering a monk who has died by sharing stories about him is a way that both individuals and the community acknowledge the good in another and grieve its loss. It s a very human thing to do. It s a very good thing to do. It relieves the sadness. It might seem odd to speak of grief as a value, but it is an authentic human reaction to loss.