Don't do this on the run, i.e., during TV commercials, while drying dishes, in between telephone calls, etc. Set up some time. Reserve it for yourselves. Spill the beans. Tell each other what is on your mind.
ADD shows up in different waysin different couples.
Tell each other how it is showing up between you. Tell each other just how you are being driven crazy, what you like, what you want to change, what you want to preserve. Get it all out on the table. Try not to react until all the beans have been spilled. Write down your complaints and your commendations.