I took it like a man. I resolved to be gracious. And then I told him he'd left his car lights on. It is purely a coincidence that the loud auction includes the most expensive items, and is not allowed to begin until at least five hours after the complimentary bar has opened. They are counting on this.
Charity depends far less on altruism than on shame and mass confusion.
When the bidding's over, everyone laughs hysterically and pats their neighbor on the back, saying it's all for a good cause. And then they look at the balance in their checkbooks. That is the glorious moment when an auction becomes truly, unmistakably, silent. Michael Booth's humor column runs here on Sundays.