Learn about the myths, illusions, and shoulds you each bring with you from your own family history. If after learning, changing and working at the relationship, you still can't make your marriage work, then it is time to consider whether or not you simply made a mistake. It may be time to leave. I disagree with those such as Dr. Laura and others who proselytize the fairy tale that children do better with two parents no matter what the situation. There is absolutely no evidence that children do better living in an unloving marriage than they do living with two divorced but happier parents.
Children instinctively pick up the unspoken and true messages of the quality of the relationship.
Children stop sleeping, get ill, have trouble in school and act out when their parents are faking it. They do know the difference. When a parent stays in a marriage for the sake of the children, they put a terrible burden on the children. It is too much to ask a child to be the only glue that holds a family together. When parents who have wanted a divorce all along, finally get one after the children have left home, the children feel betrayed and lied to.