Then they get angry from a distance. Children are not capable of hearing the words and automatically understanding our rules and orders. Ten year olds are just beginning to understand the universal agreement which creates rules and maintains order. A four or five year old is just beginning to understand the reasons for rules that are for the good of the whole family. Children learn what we will and will not allow from what we do, not from the rules we chant.
Cooperation is a better goal than blind obedience.
A healthy parent-child relationship is based on cooperation, not on the competition for power. In truth, the children know what their parents will not allow and they understand the rules. From the time a toddler first begins exploring the world, parents are faced with the issue of what will not be allowed. Quite simply, we cannot allow them to do things that might cause damage to themselves, to others, or to property. And they spank or slap a lot when such words do not work.