For a very long time, I was a victim. I lived, thought, spoke, and acted as a victim. I tried turning proverbial cheeks after fighting back proved to do more harm than good. But eventually, I took my life into my own hands and developed a stronger personality that won't tolerate abuse from anyone. The most significant thing I've learned as a result of abuse is that abusers almost never realize what they're doing, let alone that it's wrong.
Abusers know they are committing an act of violence, that they are hurling insults, etc.
They have justifications for everything they do, and convince themselves that those justifications excuse behaviour that would be intolerable to them in another situation. You earned this, so don't blame me. They too often refuse to acknowledge that what they did was wrong. Abusers also often believe their actions arise from love. People who love each other do not deliberately hurt each other, even to ostensibly correct behaviour.