So, they bite their tongue and remain silent and uncomfortable, or they speak up and overt conflict results. Even when we seem to have found a common language, something we agree on, sometimes we haven't, not really, and that's a second fundamental difference. But, once we agree that it's a good thing to do, we find we mean very different things by it. We are in charge of us, and accept that we are responsible for the consequences, good and bad, of exercising this freedom. One way of viewing this very profound difference is the distinction made by Joseph Campbell between being subjects of a society and being citizens of it.
Citizenship involves taking an active role in molding and shaping the social structure.
In this case too, we agree that it's a good idea. But we differ even more radically in what we mean by it. Self-control means being in charge, in command of one's self, of doing as we will so long as it harms none. It means exerting control, and positively and intentionally directing our will in order to achieve desired goals. Underlying this view of self-control is the assumption that we as human beings are creatures of intrinsic worth, who have the capacity to achieve good, to achieve beneficial ends through the use of our own will.