Maybe I could write my column about datelessness, or its handy companion, alcohol. I shouldn't glorify something dangerous. Okay, then I'll write about reasons not to drink. No, I can't write about that. Alcohol is fun.
Beer is yummy.
Wait, that's a bad message. Okay, I guess I can't write about alcohol. So back to datelessness. No, I can't write about that. I'll look pathetic.