I do not ignore it completely, nor pretend it isn't there, but just accept it and my impotence to do much about it, and let it go. One of the tricks to controlling anger is just learning when to let it go, when to put it out of your mind and when to stop wallowing in it. They react to whatever is going on. But no, it is far easier to be on autopilot and just respond, as are the other people involved. Usually an observer could have scripted the whole event out before hand, if for no other reason then based on the experience of the dozens of times it has happened before.
Anger is often subconscious lashing out.
Not thinking, just reacting. The fight or flight mechanism stuck on verbal fight. Usually there is a reason, and just trying to think about it can calm the situation down. Often that will cause them to start thinking about their actions, and briefly become conscious again. Always try to assess the situation before reacting.