A child must be told what to do, youth need to be taught why to do it. Our control must not produce bitterness in our children . While children are in the child stage of their life they should be expected to follow the commands of their parents to the letter. This is such an important principle that is so badly abused that Paul found it necessary to remind both the Ephesian and Colossians parents to be careful how they controlled their children. That means that parents had better be careful how, what, where, when and why the commands are given to their children.
Children can pick a fight by a deliberate act of disobedience.
The parent has the option of choosing the battle ground. Frankly, I always found it counter productive to have a show down with my child in the presence of others. I believe there are better ways and better places to issue commands that produce confrontation than in the presence of non-family members. A little forethought and anticipation can save many of the battles that leave children bitter and exasperated. But there is also a long answer to that question.