A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to his embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. A cat will always land in the softest place possible. A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
The Secret Diary of a Cat DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.