They are unable to read a facial expression or voice. This book is a manual for emotional connection. The system of bids and turns and emotional command systems works broadly across all kinds of relationships, not only marriage, according to Gottman. And opportunities for making and responding to bids abound. A typical happy couple may make 100 bids over the course of the dinner hour.
Bids also can be as ordinary as an encounter in the grocery store.
You can say, 'Fine' and that's it. That's a pretty ordinary conversation and most exchanges with strangers seem trivial. But they enhance life, make life seem more pleasant and give you a different sense of the world around you when people turn toward you. It's just a matter of remembering to treat people the same way you would if they were guests in your home, he believes. In a close relationship these bids and responses are critical because they build the relationship.