And sometimes what works one time does not work the next. I want to give you a personal example of behavior. I don't have caller ID, so I usually answer the phone. Last year after my father passed away, a telemarketer called and I promptly slammed the receiver down. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was a reaction to grief.
Anger is one of the normal stages of grief.
The anger that I was not aware that I was feeling was displaced to the person on the other end of the telephone who had no idea what was going on in my life. I was able to make an educated guess as to why I acted as I did. You may not know, nor may your sons be able to tell you what is going on. They may give you clues that you may or may not be able to read, understand and react to. We may not know where the outward behavior comes from, but we can make educated guesses.