This continuous negative programming has caused many of us to develop permanent characteristics in our personalities that drive us to practice self-defeating behaviors. We are either sabotaging our healthy relationships, or maintaining abusive relationships because our internal programming knows no differently. This is not a conscious process. This is a learned behavior.
Control comes from fear, and fear develops from a lack of faith.
Think of an aspect of your life in which you place tremendous faith. There are two primary fears that we face. When we don't trust an outcome, we are consumed by fear. This fear drives us to control situations and others, at all costs, in order to guarantee the result that we desire. In life, we move in the direction of our predominant thought.