As parents or teachers, we should start from this place of living out of integrity and fairness expressed by confrontation and accountability. It is our most powerful way of teaching our children. In addition, we must talk with them, beginning as young as five years old, about fairness and accountability. We must also teach them the difference between a confrontation and an attack, emphasizing the fact that claiming what's going on and being accountable for it is the purpose of a confrontation. It is an equalizing encounter designed to discover what's underneath what's being said and done, not an attempt to defeat the other by humiliating them or breaking them down.
Children resonate with fairness.
They feel secure and safe when protected by fairness, and they are relieved to be connected with each other in a comfortable way. They must also be helped to pull off difficult confrontations. It should be standard operating procedure, both at home and at school, that whenever they have tried to resolve something that is upsetting them with a fair confrontation and it doesn't work, they are to come to the appropriate adult for help. Either parent or teacher should gladly listen to the stressed child and proceed to get all the relevant parties together at one time to confront each other with your help. Facilitating confrontations is a powerful vehicle for teaching confrontation with accountability.