In the meantime, while she is focused on helping him, she is not noticing that her feelings, desires and needs are being ignored. He literally thinks she is to blame for everything wrong in his life. Often, when he has a problem, she will take responsibility for it and turn her attention inward to see what she did to cause the problem. After awhile, we have two people focused on everything wrong with her and what she should do to make him be all right. Since he believes all the problems lie with her, he simply does not have anything to change.
Counselors working with abusive men see it all the time.
Tell you what, if I get ten emails from abusive men asking for a program to help them change, my husband Bob has agreed he will do a similar website for men. This would be ten abusive men who are willing to read information, focus on the details of what they are doing and work to change. In the meantime, ladies, I recommend you resist the urge to put all your energy into changing him. A loving prayer once in awhile is nice. But consider focusing on yourself and the people you really are responsible for, your children.