Couples often act like the drunk searching for his keys under a street light because darkness prevents his looking for them where they are. It affirms and sustains partners with closeness, familiarity and predictability. Partners who stay friends for life know how to care about, respect, and complement each other's growth. There is ease in comfort. Staying exclusively in your personal comfort zone stifles sexual energy.
Anxiety is hard to bear, but managing it can fuel growth.
Relationships without anxiety allow blandness to overshadow intimacy. The cost of rigidly maintaining comfort is the sacrifice of sexual energy. Being deeply sexual over time with your life partner produces both joy and anxiety. This means that consciously managed anxiety can promote, even escalate, erotic energy. For example, the ability to soothe your own anxiety instead of expecting your partner to do it for you helps you create a resource for erotic feelings.