Or up to the attic, for that matter. Or the lonely garden shed. Or the cupboard under the stairs. Monsters like to hide in the dark and if you stand very still, they can be heard sniggering behind their tentacles at you being so stupid as to come down here alone and unarmed. RULE 3 Keep your pants on.
All sex is punishable by death.
If you think you've seen or heard something, then you probably have. Random noises, shadows, things not where you left them - it all adds up to imminent death. Also if you find yourself with stigmata, a revolving head or paws where your feet used to be, chances are it's a little too late. If furniture begins to move, the light fittings are laughing at you, or stuff is flying across the room, call a priest and run away. The sound of chainsaws revving is also a good reason to be elsewhere.