Crossing the street when I cannot see the other side, finding an address when I cannot read numbers at any distance, climbing stairs with feet that drag. Shooting baskets with my kids when my right arm has no strength. And mine is a mind game, a matter of maintaining emotional equilibrium and holding onto optimism. Self-esteem suffers with the inability to perform simple tasks. I just cannot get used to admitting that I am unable to do something.
Cognitive problems are on the increase.
The black holes where there were once specific words and thoughts make up a map of frustration and anger. These questions come with greater frequency. Ambiguity and uncertainty are parts of life, of course, and I have learned to live with them. But not every worry is so manageable. I am the third generation in my family to stumble and fall with multiple sclerosis.