A mother's own feelings can affect her responses. When someone expresses concern about an issue that is of little import, it's often easy to shrug it off. But when you're questioned about issues that are close to your heart, or ones that you are struggling with, you're more likely to hear the concern as criticism. One mother comments that if someone criticized her choice of car seat or her meatloaf recipe, she'd be amused because she doesn't have an emotional attachment to her car seat or her meatloaf. But if someone criticized her toddler's behavior, she'd be more likely to feel defensive because she feels that his behavior reflects on her mothering ability even though she knows that much of his behavior is developmental and will pass with time.
Criticism can occur in many places.
We may hear comments at family gatherings, even when relatives visit in our homes. Sometimes comments come from friends and acquaintances in a play-group or at a neighborhood or school event. Even in the sanctuary of our religious community we may encounter unsolicited questions or criticism. Public places such as the library, grocery stores, or restaurants sometimes seem stocked with strangers lying in wait to critique our parenting. Each of these situations inspires different reactions and calls for different responses.