It is a child's JOB to eventually claim control over his life and become independent. A child who feels he has no control over his life will spend much of his energy trying to manipulate the system and adults around him. We can create win-win situations and avoid power struggles by giving children choices.
Choices can make all the difference in the world.
Giving your child lots of choices gives him lots of opportunities to be in control. The key to using choices is to offer two options, either of which will make you deliriously happy. Always pick two choices you can live with. I can put them in hock to be earned back later, or I can donate them. If the child doesn't choose, be prepared to choose yourself.