A cucumber won't care what time of month it is. With a cucumber, you never have to say sorry. Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow. Cucumbers can stay up all night - and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot 23. Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.
Cucumbers never answer the phone or borrow the car.
A cucumber won't eat all you'll food or drink all you'll alcohol. Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always as you left it. You always know where your cucumber has been. You don't have to wait till half time to talk to your cucumber.