Therefore, they try desperately to change their behavior in the hope that his abusive behavior will then stop and the marriage can be saved. The husband already blames her for his violence, his unhappiness, her unhappiness, and the unhappiness of the children. He tells her it is her actions or inactions or appearance and so on that provoke him and cause the violence, and she believes him. Or her family may have been intimidated by the abuser, so there is often nowhere for her to go. They are reluctant to uproot their children from their home, pets, toys, schools and friends.
Children desire a happy two-parent family.
They usually love their father, but want his abusive behavior to stop. They worry about him, and often blame their mother for the separation. He may deprive her of sleep and food. He does not allow her to be sick. He forces her to work at one or more jobs, and to be solely responsible for the children and the household.