We know we must punish ourselves when we feel guilt and shame. We use laxatives, exercise, sleep deprivation, and self-mutilation to take away the pain. Many of us get to the point where the pain is too much and the road so long, we decide it is just not worth it. Since we have no worth, the world will not miss us. If we could just disappear, the pain would go away and we would no longer hurt others with our problems.
Death becomes a way out.
Can't live forever with an eating disorder, can't live without it. It becomes the question we will ponder for many, many years before having a definitive answer. Our reasons not to live may seem mundane to someone without an eating disorder. You can not feel our emptiness or understand our loneliness. We can't share this world of silence we have made for ourselves.