We didn't even have an affirming word for 'gay' or 'homosexual' in Vietnamese, just negative terms. But more important was the issue of shame. It would be too uncomfortable to talk about gay sex with someone else who was also Vietnamese. Shame is used in Asian and Pacific Islander cultures to remind individuals of their obligation to their families and their communities. But things have changed.
Asian guys are more comfortable now dating other Asian guys.
Tony observes a generational shift. Things were so different. There were gay bars and clubs and people were more comfortable being gay. My brother, like other Vietnamese refugees, came to the United States in 1980 and it's like his attitudes are frozen in the past. My sister came here from Vietnam a year ago and she is very accepting not only of gay life, but of other things as well.