In the process of coming to terms with such notions, one must sort through which beliefs, judgments, ex-pectations and attitudes from past experiences are best rejected or relea sed as too damaging, limiting or incongruent with the present. For example, if one is very attuned to the needs and feelings of others, then it may be very chal-lenging to clearly speak up about one's own needs and feelings. If one is very intense, energetic, and enthusiastic, then it may be very challenging to step back making room to take in what another is saying or experiencing. Ultimately, standing in good relation to oneself means accepting one's strengths and weaknesses with enough compassion to allow oneself to make mistakes while continuing to grow and heal. It includes the understanding that mistakes are ways of receiving lessons and feedback.
Critical judgments are unnecessary and can be released.
It then becomes easier to see others as people learning, growing and evolving as are you, and to forgive them rather than to react to their negative patterns as intentional. As one forgives oneself for mistakes and negative coping styles, it becomes easier to forgive others. It can now be possible to relate more effectively and authentically at home, at work, and in community. Such an alienating interaction creates a critic atmosphere where there is limited intimacy. Alice Miller sug-gests that feeling shame as a child is at the root of this critic atmosphere.