Teenagers need family support in exploring their identity. Their thoughts and feelings need to be listened to, and taken seriously. If you listen, and appreciate your teenager's thoughts, he or she will listen to you. I get the impression that what you want for yourself is such and such. As a parent, don't be shy about sharing your own values, the dilemmas you daily face in your life, the difficulties you also have in living up to what is important to you.
Adolescents are very concerned about what their friends think.
Encourage your teenager to spend time with peers. It is a time when they seek relationships outside of the family, as they will help your youngster try out his or her values and identity, and find group support in them. If your teenager asks you about your earlier years, share your adolescent struggles and ideals and confusions with them. Talk about the influences in your life that affected who you became and why you chose the paths you did. Don't be concerned with apparent inconsistencies in what your adolescent feels about himself or herself.