Learning to be patient is one of the keys to getting through this all, so try and keep working at it. It's tough and it really sucks sometimes, but hang in there. I am not exactly what our looking for here. The showering and then withholding is most likely caused by her internal mood shifts, guilt, relief, sadness and a host of others. IMHO if she is showering you at all you should stick out a bit longer.
Any separation lends itself to greater opportunity for the A to start back up.
If nothing else your presence holds her more accountable to her where a bouts and goings on. Now if you are at a point where you can walk away with no hurt and pain from it then your cured. So I ll urge you to stay a little longer. Find them and you have the key. I know it is an awful thing having this feeling that you did not cause this turmoil and the only way to fix it is take it on the chin and see how it goes, but the bottom line is just that.