I feel that nobody knows me. I just turned 40 and it hit me hard. I thought, If the next 10 years are like the last 10, I can't bear it. I really can't. Dear Lost, It sounds like you're spread a little thin, trying to cover all the bases and be competent on all fronts, and your spirit is languishing in the attempt.
Competence is a great good but the capable are ever in danger of getting swallowed up by their work.
They take on more and more responsibility and they lose touch with their most fundamental responsibility, the care of the spirit. Don't take on any new obligations for the next six months and retire some of the ones you're carrying now. Conspire to give yourself periods of solitude. Rise early, if possible, to have an hour alone in which to think, read, walk, pray. And put yourself in the presence of great art, whatever moves and delights you.