For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal. Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes. The doorman asks for you I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants. Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Bubba.