Cucumbers don't mind if you enjoy them and a movie at the same time. Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves. Cucumbers don't tell you they like you better with longer hair. Cucumbers never asnwer your phone or borrow your car. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
Cucumbers never have mid-life crisis.
Cucumbers never have to tell you what they did while on vacation. Cucumbers never need a round of applause. Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom. Cucumbers stay hard for a week. Cucumbers won't give you a hickey.