Eat fatty or oily food before you have the first drink. That lines your stomach and slows the body's absorption of alcohol. Eat starches while you drink to soak up the alcohol. Brandy, red wine, dark rum and sherry are the worst. Vodka, and white wine are the least adulterated.
Beer is in between.
This will save you every time. Do not even waste your time with Aspirin. And do not take Tylenol. In your list of hangover cures you mention taking aspirin, ibuprofen, or acetominophen. I'm sure you can find plenty of medical journals to collaborate this if you want to.