The main criticism of Clare's work was that it lacked detail and development. By comparing the plans based on the same question, it was only too clear that there was a marked difference in the content of the two essays. My Year 9 pupils have benefited from brainstorming whilst sitting around a table, writing their ideas onto strips of paper. When the ideas have been exhausted and the table is full we try to group the ideas into sets which then become paragraphs. The main idea has to be identified, and the supporting detail is evaluated for relevance.
Any repetition is removed.
It takes courage to discard material, but for a well-argued essay, or for a paragraph that has coherence, what is left out is as important as the information or ideas that are included. Paragraphs are checked for sufficient development, and then arranged in the most appropriate order. Pupils who are tactile, hands-on learners respond particularly well to this method as it harnesses their impulse to fidget with things. A useful resource for paragraph writing is included in the series Reasoning and Reading by Joanne Carlisle. Much modelling is required in the early days, with the pupil being encouraged to think aloud while the teacher constructs the essay plan.