This takes away energy and focus from what the speaker is actually saying. The chances are high if you are running an inner track as they are speaking that you will be interpreting or judging their meaning instead of really receiving the actual truth of what they are saying. And finally, the last part of the Chinese character for the verb to listen is heart. It just means that you are willing to be open to hear what they have to say. The power of active and reflective listening is that it goes a long way to resolve conflict.
Conflict is a natural part of life.
As long as there is more than one human being on this planet, there will be a time when one person wants one thing and the other one wants something else. You may not believe me at first, but test this out in your own interactions, I think you will agree how powerful this is. When you really listen to not only the words, but for the underlying concerns or interests of the person, and let them know that you have heard them, their emotional intensity immediately shifts. I m sure you could imagine any number of responses from the husband that would accelerate the wife s feelings and lead to an instant argument. It s amazing the power of phrases that make the speaker feel really heard and understood.