Many people assume that the holidays are a good time to change a tentative relationship to something more permanent, but it may not work out. If you're having a romantic problem or if a friend or family member has died, the holidays can be difficult. It helps to spend time with people you like. So does getting out and doing something for someone else. This is important because typically children from a divorced or newly reconstituted family feel a loss of control.
Adults seem to be making all of the decisions.
Just be aware that younger children particularly, will choose options that seem the most convenient and least upsetting to everyone else. When your plans are firm, let kids know what to expect, who will pick them up and take them to the other parent's house, how long they will stay, where they will sleep, who else will be there, and how and when they can call or send e-mail to the other parent. Try to facilitate contact with the other parent's relatives. Find ways to make kids comfortable with new stepbrothers and sisters. Make special time for them in pairs so they can get to know each other in an unpressured surrounding.