It will take time for children to find their place in the new family, feel secure, and realize there is enough love to go around. Children have a strong desire to belong. Their security, or lack of it, depends upon their feeling of acceptance and having a place within the family. From infancy, a child works to establish his or her place in the home. The changes brought about by their parent's divorce or death upsets that security.
Children form views, opinions and behaviors that reflect their family's outlook.
They absorb their family's values, beliefs, and convictions and try to fit within the family pattern. When a stepfamily is formed, many of the old views, values and rules are dismissed and family members must adjust to a new set of ideas and rules. Children cannot simply wipe away the years of personal development and immediately become different people just because they are now stepchildren in a new family. Children in stepfamilies may even be experiencing a shift in the birth order. In biological families, children have learned how to find their place and how to react.