Sure, I m virile, but now my head glows in the dark. Yes, I have a full head of hair, but my groin makes these crackling noises. Right, Doc, I m thin now, but the Pillsbury Dough Boy is spying on me from my cable converter box. He philandered, overindulged, abstained from nothing and abused everything. He lived to be 97, and it killed him just like that.
Alcohol reduces the risk of heart attacks.
Nicotine aids in the digestive process. Caffeine reduces the suicide rate amongst nurses who regularly imbibe. Salt makes for happy kidneys. And, now, guys, a Three Musketeers bar, three times a month, and you ll be planting and plucking daisies for a year after your cohorts are pushing em up. Think about it.