Use cool fonts. If you must type, nothing wins respect more than a font that is, at best, barely readable. And, if you have only two sentences written of a twenty-page paper, you can triple space it and use a font so big that only one word fits on each page. Nothing is taboo. Readers seldom desire more than to hear about your pussing open sores and your personal, detailed views on bestiality.
Consistency is boring.
If, while writing a paper, you decide to change subjects or even change your mind, do so abruptly and without warning. It is better to seem unfocused than to focus on something stupid, and it is better to contradict yourself than to always be wrong. Concentrate whole-heartedly on your writing, and don't waste your time with lesser subjects like math. With these ten steps, you too can seem like a great writer. Your only other option is to ignore these steps and submit a short story, essay, piece of artwork, or poem to Passages, the Ashland University Literary Magazine, this semester.