Women very reasonably fear retaliation against themselves and their children by the abuser and fear the economic upheaval that may follow the report. Studies show that the highest risk for serious injury or death from violence in an intimate relationship is at the point of separation or at the time when the decision to separate is made. 3 Many times, women's self-esteem is so low as a result of spouse abuse that they are unable to see themselves as worthy of seeking help, or they rationalize the abuse, believing they caused or deserve it. Police complain that often when they arrest an abuser, the victims want them to drop the charges. For children, the fear is more than fear of injury or death.
Children fear the destruction of their family - their world.
Middle-school aged children have an awareness of things such as poverty, foster homes, and homelessness, and may be unable to cope with the uncertainty that reporting abuse may cause. Even when adults in the community such as school personnel or neighbors report the abuse, children may outright deny it. Children may experience feelings of shame, guilt, and divided loyalties to parents making it unlikely that they will disclose the violence to others. When they fail to stop the abuse, women may become passive, which may reduce the immediate danger, or may go into a state of emotional withdrawl. When women do discuss domestic violence with an authority, they are most likely to do so with their physician.