Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass. Beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie. Beer is always easy to pick up. Big, fat beers are nice to have. Beer doesn't pout or play games.
Beer is easy to get into.
Beer never complains when you take it somewhere. Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers. Beer doesn't wear a bra. Beer doesn't mind getting dirty. Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.