English is good - but not perfect. I never figured out how DVN managed to sing their yiminibomini. I don't know. LOoks like you added and dropped a bunch of times. And that's about it.
Arrangements always change with a percussionist.
I'd like to know your take on syllables, but that can wait. It allows the arrangement to breathe word. Whereas very interesting and driving rhythms can be written into vocal lines making percussion not always a desirable thing, those arrangements sound yucky when performed with a drummer. Space is funky. Imagine that happening with different parts at different points in the same passage.