Also, in order for you to test your understanding, you ask them to confirm or deny what you think you have heard. Listening responses communicate that they are being taken seriously. They are encouraged to think carefully about their own statements to take themselves seriously and to begin listening at least as closely to their own concerns as you have been. Affective responses generally are about emotions, feelings, or bodily states, such as fear, anger, tension. You use this response mode when you want to encourage them to focus more clearly on underlying attitudes, values, and gut level reactions to their problems.
Cognitive responses shift the interaction to a thinking or analytic mode.
Making cognitive responses is a little like listening to the words of a song and ignoring the music. Labeling these here and now feelings often requires a great deal of courage. Frequently, the only time you offer others honest feedback in the course of your daily communication is in a fit of anger. Often you may choose to respond in a vague, less than completely honest or specific way because you think others are unable to deal directly with their more troublesome concerns. When you choose not to be honest, you do so out of your own concern and desire to save face.