Cucumbers stay hard for a week. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count. Cucumbers don't get too excited. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home. A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival. A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin. Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.