Furthermore, my wife has been unemployed. She is confused by all of this and questions whether she loves me. She wants to separate. This has devastated me. There are probably other issues as well.
All relationships take two parties to create conflict.
Even if only one person learns more effective ways of communicating, it can greatly improve the relationship. You could do nothing and hope that your wife returns. Of course the chances are that if she returns, your marriage will return to where it was and the problems will continue. If she doesn't return, you will still be the same possessive, jealous, controlling guy you have always been. It is likely that you will find yourself in similar circumstances again.