They may also have difficulty getting close to others as a result of their early experiences with bonding and attachment. As their child grows, adoptive parents may be reserved about expressing love physically with their children because they think the incest taboo mught not function in adoptive families. Or they may avoid closeness with their child because they fear rejection or loss. Parents who adopt older children do not have a chance to develop intimacy with their child the way parents do with an infant, such as by diapering and bathing the child. Birthparents may connect the loss of their child with the sexual encounter that led to the pregnancy, and fear intimacy because they believe it leads to loss.
Adoption is a second choice.
There has been a crisis whose resolution is adoption. Because human beings need to feel in control to feel secure, the loss of control in adoption can have a long-term effect. Birthparents may emerge from the adoption process feeling victimized and powerless. Adoptive parents have learned to be helpless. When they do receive a child, they may not be able to connect the event to anything they did.