Listen for what is right with the other person's communication, not what is wrong. Your spouse knows more about you than anyone else in the world. Learn to talk it out without anger. Stay present focused and solution focused. Use the form.
Blame is counterproductive.
What you hate in your spouse is usually what you hate in yourself or relates to some quality you find missing in yourself. Fights resolve when you are on the same side. Know your spouse's sensitivities and be gentle in those areas. Be in charge of your own behavior. Ask yourself how you're responsible for the other's behavior.