Test yourself for flames at least once a week in the shower, and get regular checkups. Last week I promised to discuss The Moron s Variable Stupidity Fund in greater detail. The Moron s Variable Stupidity fund is an unrated mutual fund that has consistently provided its holders with a great tax write-off. I have no idea why he wanted to kill the Pope. Give yourself ten bonus points for whatever answer you gave, unless your answer involved cocaine, Jodie Foster, or the Chicago Bears.
Conditions favor hazelnuts, terra cotta, and leopard-skin underwear.
People may be talking behind your back, so get more fiber into your diet and wear a jaunty hat. And for God s sake, stop saying shedule. This is the Moron s Almanac.