A few people I know have suggested I should forgive and forget, that I am perhaps needlessly holding on to the pain of my abuse, or that I chose to allow my memories to take over and chose pain over pleasure. Some have suggested that I chose my fate for spiritual reasons. Contrary to what some might say, I do not believe that my abuse or the suffering it caused was a masochistic choice I made in order to learn spiritual lessens or that I am choosing to hold on to the pain.
Abuse is abuse is abuse.
It has no value and should never have happened, but I can't forget it because it is forever a part of who I am. I guess pain is the price for being alive. My pain has made me sensitive, understanding, optimistic, artistic, compassionate and full of humor. Sometimes choosing to heal looks like choosing to hold onto pain, but there's a difference. Even though it is painful, I have to remember.