Find a support group, you MUST have other people to talk to. The more you educate yourself about co-dependency the closer you will be to healing. Your responsibility as a parent outweighs your need for continued abuse or their lives will be a carbon copy of yours. You can be win, your children can be whole. I wish you the best.
Abusers tell their victims that all the time.
And, codependents believe it because we are always questioning our behaviors. That could be from stress. Too much stress can turn the nicest person into a monster, and you are under tremendous stress. I hope you will take into serious consideration all the suggestions from Dr Irene and others who have replied. Be extra kind to yourself.