The transition happens with or without the formal ceremony. But the bar and bat mitzvah ritual brings this shift to a higher awareness, creating the opportunity to deal with the feelings it evokes. According to Isenstadt, bar and bat mitzvahs bring out the best in everyone. It consolidates the child's sense of self as a competent youngster. In almost 30 years of treating adolescents, as well as their parents, Isenstadt has never seen a child fail at this task.
Children feel very supported by their parents, the rabbi and the community.
They also learn a valuable lesson. You don't have to be perfect. Isenstadt contrasts bar and bat mitzvahs with less-healthy initiations, which often convey psychologically misleading and poor illusions of what's necessary for success. Like by making a certain team or getting into the right college or club, some children believe they're winners for life. Or by failing to make cheerleader, prom queen or honor choir, they're automatically losers.