There they lie, on curbsides and in parking lots, beside driveways and alleys, colorful cushions of fallen leaves, in which many a giddy child will frolic and gambol until, too often, they are run over and killed. Every fall, millions of Americans perish needlessly while playing in piles of leaves by the roadside. While the Healthy Living Notebook has long been outspoken in support of No Leaves legislation, we must acknowledge that in this case it is not the leaves themselves that are responsible for the loss of so many lives, but the cars and trucks that insist on driving through them. And we urge all parents to warn their children that playing in piles of leaves will inevitably lead to death, and that little children who die while playing in leaves go straight to Hell, where they burn in sulferous flame for eternity. Anticipate a visit from the fifth dentist.
Conditions favor wetting hair, lathering, and rinsing, but don t repeat.
Avoid macaroni, macrame, and the macarena. If there were ever to be a farming tip, this is certainly where it would appear. But there isn t a farming tip this week, and this is precisely the place where it doesn t appear. This is the Moron s Almanac. In the event of accidental overdose, drink milk to induce vomiting.