Here goes, If you know you are prone to picking up an abusive man and find the need for a strong man or like the idea of spanking in a relationship, then follow this all the closer because you are at a higher risk of falling for the wrong kind of man. And if you have low self-esteem, all the more reason to be careful. Don't get involved with anyone till this has been done. Find out where all this is coming from. Why your self-esteem is down why you tend to pick this kind of man.
Childhood is the first place to start.
And go from there. After a lot of self examination, now comes the work. Start working on the self-esteem. Start telling yourself you are a good person and that you deserve to be loved and cared for. That you are worth something.