A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival. A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin. Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin. Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin anymore. With a cucumber you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
Cucumbers can handle rejection.
Cucumbers won't pout if you have a headache. Cucumbers won't care what time of the month it is. Cucumbers never want to get it on when your nails are wet. Cucumbers won't give it up for Lent. With a cucumber you never have to say you're sorry.