And talk fast as well, that really fucking helps me out too. When going out on the town, don't forget to paint your toenails. Otherwise, people might realise what a fat fucker you are. When in the Pub, don't sing along to the jukebox. You sound shit and embarress your boyfriend.
Bran flakes make ideal wholemeal alternatives to fish food.
Be careful with the milk though. Save vital seconds in the morning by urinating in the sink while brushing your teeth. Arrange an impromptu meeting of your extended friends and family, by simply winning the lottery, and then watching the free loading fuckers turn up by the carload. Potatoes make interesting, if not entirely functional, replacements for lightbulbs. Beat the wind this year by wearing a velcro headband, and stapling a velcro strip around the inside of your hat.