The Healthy Living Notebook cannot overstate its disapproval of this dangerous pagan holiday. We recommend children be locked indoors from sunset of the evening before Halloween to sunrise the morning after. Especially rambunctious children should be tied down as an added precaution. Romantic outlook improving, but you still aren't getting enough roughage. Brush and floss after every meal, and prosecute trespassers.
Conditions favor hair care and karaoke.
Avoid men in thongs, dogs in heat, and Greater Grozny. This is the Moron s Almanac. Use as directed.