You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good. Beer always comes in multiples of six. After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty. When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
Beer looks the same in the morning.
Beer doesn't look you up in a month. Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in. Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids. Beer doesn't get cramps. Beer doesn't have a mother.