Some remarried families struggle because of a lack of established guidelines. Communication can be a strength because most second families have to do a lot more negotiating than first families as they blend traditions, bedrooms and vacations, a process that traditionally takes two to five years, Duncan said. The ability to negotiate and create win-win situations can make a difference for them in the workplace and in the community. Conversely, there are workplace skills that can be used in the family. If the issue is what to do with four sets of grandparents over the holidays, the family can brainstorm by writing down everyone's ideas at a family council and weighing them without judgment or laughter until an alternative is found.
Boundaries can be a huge issue with blended families.
You shouldn't expect stepkids to obey or recognize authority right away from a stepparent. It has to be eased in over time. It may never happen that a step-parent or stepsibling will be hugged and kissed or loved on the same level as a biological relative, Duncan said, but there can be mutual affection and respect. Duncan said he and his brothers shared many hobbies with their stepfather, who showed his caring in nondemonstrative ways, including by coming to hear Duncan's teenage rock band play.