This can be a positive thing if we see the goodness and hidden talents of the other person and help them to develop in these ways. If the good points and talents are the result of our own self image rather than honest, clear knowing of the other person, it puts our partners in a position of never being able to live up to our expectations. Our partners are put in the impossible position of trying to be who they are not, resulting in the anger of feeling helpless to please us. A person can't be blamed for allowing us to think of them as having talents or goodness that they don't. Our society and most families don't offer a lot of positive reinforcement of individuals.
Appreciation is rare is for most people.
If we are offered appreciation for anything, even if it's for something we didn't do or for being someone we're not, we gratefully accept it. When we expect others to act according to our misconceptions we are the ones who are violating them in order to bolster our own self images. Yet, we blame them and may seek to punish them directly or in a passive aggressive way. Conflict results when we feel our partner is violating the tacit rules of the relationship or when we feel expectations to act in accordance with our partners false image of who we are. In other words, conflict results from our violations of our own self images, when our self image is incongruent with the way we think, act, look or feel.