NOR will arguing back and forth with her and fueling the flame. I'll wait to hear more of what you have to say, then I'll come back in respond. It will get better, you'll just have to be the one to help get things going on the right path. My first reaction is that your W is in deep withdrawal. She may be bi-polar.
Counseling is needed.
If she refuses to go, I'd still suggest that you go to marriage counseling and start the ball rolling. Read all you can at this website. The Lessons Children Learn. How the Co- dependency Movement Is Ruining Marriages. How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor.