You lose self-respect and the respect of others when you use weakness to manipulate others, however. Three times as many men as women use knowledge and present facts as a basis for winning an argument. Androgynous women are more like men. Fortunately, this is changing. I'm assuming that you will be less likely to fall into the psychological pitfalls of using manipulation, if you know they exist.
Anger is nothing more than an attempt to make someone feel guilty.
Often, we are angry because we are feeling put down, neglected, dealt with unfairly, infantilized, insulted, or cheated in some way. Therefore, the real problem is not the anger, but rather the task is to right whatever is wrong in the relationship. This is Lerner's main theme. Thus, neither the nasty attacks and hateful bitching of unfair fights, as we've seen, nor the uncommunicative empty shell marriages are capable of solving the underlying marital problems. They only make things worse.