For a new relationship to work, children and adults must learn to trust each other before they can understand or love each other. And when children have experienced divorce or death of their parents, it can be very difficult for them to learn to trust other adults, especially an adult who is assuming a parent role. Start slowly and be patient. Many adults believe that children should automatically accept them as authority figures. This rarely happens, however.
Children develop respect for adults who earn their trust and love.
Establishing authority Parents should establish their authority by doing what they say they're going to do. Don't make promises you can't keep, and if you say you're going to discipline a child, then do it. The step-child may already be wary of adults, especially if his birth parents divorced. If the step-parent breaks a promise or fails to follow through with threatened discipline, it will be very difficult for the child to develop a sense of trust. Until you have some experience with how the original family communication system worked, carefully check out your step-children's requests with your spouse.