However, like every gamer on the planet, I have at least five hundred close personal friends who are cat owners. I call one. I return, warily, to the apartment. Cat is still there. I place pan on floor, pour litter into pan, step back.
Cat approaches pan, scratches litter, walks away.
I open can of cat food, wrinkle nose in revulsion, set it down. Cat sets upon it like he's never eaten before. Cat grows increasingly attached to me and even rips up the carpet next to the door if I dare lock him out of the bedroom or bathroom. My damage deposit begins to shrink. Friends come over and coo over cat.