Zehr inspired me to look back at Gilligan's book. An ashamed person can hardly endure to meet the gaze of those present. I have developed a special interest in violence against children. More than keeping the activity private, abuse in this sense implies pressure not to talk about the activity even to friends and other relatives.
Concealment produces shame, which becomes a perpetuation of concealment.
I share the desire of advocates of restorative justice and of reintegrative shaming to find ways to weave people we identify as victims and offenders into communities, rather than remaining isolated and separated from others. In all my attempts to understand what builds community, I see nothing more fundamental to community, almost by definition, than trust. In turn, nothing is more fundamental to trust than honesty and open sharing of information and feelings. The concealment that produces and is perpetuated by shame is by definition failure of honesty and openness, and therefore, by definition as well, the root destruction of community. A paradox is presented.