If you get uncomfortable, feel defensive, or find yourself wanting to blame or attack the other parent, disengage before an argument begins. When calm, continue discussions and work together to find a solution acceptable to both of you. When a child is invited to a birthday party, and he or she is supposed to be with the other parent that day, have the child call the other parent and make the arrangements with that parent. It is so easy to get involved in these situations, try to remember this is their business, not yours. Avoid putdowns and talking negatively about the other parent when the children are present.
Children love both of their parents.
Encourage the children to have contact with the other parent. If a child complains about the other parent or the other parent's household, encourage them to discuss it with the other parent and let them know you are confident in their ability to work it out with the other parent. Mom really loves you. I think you need to let her know this is bothering you. I'm confident that you two can work this out together.