Bathe with a partner whenever possible. This should be someone you find intensely unattractive, as the distraction created by an attractive bathing buddy lathered in soap can easily become a grave bathing danger in its own right. Use safety lines. Despite incontrovertible evidence of their efficacy provided by the Surgeon General, many people still bathe without safety lines. Showers and bathtubs are dangerous places.
Bathing requires quick thinking and total concentration.
The slightest loss of motor skills could easily cost you your life. Untethered, butt naked, and drunk, getting a sponge bath even from someone you re wildly attracted to poses very few dangers, provided you maintain a safe distance from electrical outlets, use sterile sponges, and take care not to sponge in places where you might be attacked by wild boars. Once again, the attentive reader will by now have noticed a complete lack of farming tips in this week s almanac. This is the Moron s Almanac.