Shoppers rush to complete purchases before malls close for prime-time walking hours. Scientists discover artificial fat, revolutionizing the junk food market. Bloated political commentator Rush Limbaugh is a role model for millions of angry taxpayers. Rush takes up walking and loses 100 lbs. He's still opinionated, but svelte and not quite so angry.
Astronomers discover several new planets orbiting neighboring stars.
Astronomers discover intelligent life on new planets. I subscribe to receive information on health and fitness, not to read political commentary. Not only did they insult Mr. Limbaugh, they insulted his listeners.