Each time, the abuse becomes more frequent and intense, Maxwell said. Generally, a potentially abusive relationship starts out very well. The woman is overwhelmed with attention, flowers and gifts. According to Maxwell, there are many definite signs of an abuser. The individual tends to be overly jealous, he reacts irrationally when his wife or girlfriend speaks with, or smiles at, another man.
Abusers have short fuses and get angry quickly, or are unable to control their anger.
They are obsessive and have a double standard in the relationship. While an abuser can be involved with other women, they blame their partner for circumstances that don't go their way, Maxwell said. Maxwell said abusers are also very good at verbal assault, such as constant criticism, humiliating remarks, mocking and name-calling and emotional abuse. They make the woman doubt herself and tell her she's stupid and dumb, she said. Maxwell said she tells abused women not to apply their rational principles and beliefs onto the man's irrational beliefs and behaviors.