It's hard not to take it personally when control is directed at you, but it isn't personal. When they're in controlling mode, they're dancing to fears that leave them with less freedom than a marionette - although they may not know it. Unfortunately, many controllers try to escape feeling helpless by trying to pull the strings of those around them. It is never okay to be physically, sexually, emotionally or verbally abused. You don't have to take it.
All relationships involve compromises.
We all want mutual respect and to feel safe, loved, and appreciated for who we are - but these qualities are not always present even in great relationships. Jade, you wrote that your husband can be both crazy-making and endearing. If, in response to his control, you give up your principles, ideals, goals, and sense of self, that's a tremendous price. If, on the other hand, the relationship offers you more than it costs, find ways to cope. Simply observe their control .