In order for children to learn their roles and responsibilities, parents should set clear boundaries of their own and help their children do likewise. Easier said than done. Many parents misapply the law by using punitive consequences, such as getting angry, sending guilt messages, nagging and withdrawing love. Instead, moms and dads should employ what we call reality consequences, which include pain or losses of time, money, possessions, things enjoyed and people valued. Discern the motive behind the misbehavior.
Children often act out as a result of family stress, such as a move or a divorce.
To discover the cause of a misbehavior, say to your child, I want to understand why you do such and such. Save consequences for serious offenses. Even though we all need flexibility and understanding, if someone uses excuses for every fault, they are no longer excuses, but rationalizations. Employ consequences only after reasoning, talking and warning fail. Make consequences a natural outflow of the crime.