When we choose healthy instead of addictive relating, we access a level of happiness beyond description. In this discussion I am emphasizing the addictive relating that goes on between two committed people who are trying to live full lives together. But it's important to realize that there is more to life than relating to just one other person, in a couple. When all three relationships are in balance, we achieve a wonderful wholeness. Each relationship, healthy or unhealthy, affects the others, and to focus on one of the three to the exclusion of the others leads to serious problems.
Balance is the key.
The Process of Addictive Relating Addictive relating, as with other addictions, is a process that begins with the choice of a love object, or object of devotion, that makes us feel good or lessens our discomfort with life. We move from habit to unhealthy dependence, and finally to addiction. At that point we lose our freedom to choose what is best for ourselves. Obsessed by our love object, we are preoccupied or haunted by thoughts about the person. Becoming compulsive, we feel driven to actions designed to achieve our desires.