We ignore such things as verbal abuse, adultery, emotional or physical deprivation, abuse of our children, etc., but rage over spilled milk or someone late for dinner. When we are in conflict, we cannot conceive of alternatives. We fight in our heads but say nothing to those we are angry with. Illness serves a purpose for victims. It may be the only way we get rest, attention, or make others aware of our inside pain.
Abused persons have a loss of spirituality, purpose for living, loss of values, etc.
Victims become abusers of others, even of those they love.