Ask your banker and broker. If you own your house jointly, don't assume that Judith will get if you die. A greedy relative and a homophobic judge may block your intentions. Since you have a son, the best legal protection are two legal parents. Some states allow second-parent adoptions.
All states accept out of state adoptions.
If adoption or moving to adopt is not an option, consider a joint custody agreement. More homes are lost to disability than death. Review your disability insurance for both of you. Life insurance products today offer tax-free accumulation in mutual funds under the umbrella of your life insurance. Consider using a variable life or variable universal life policy to help save for your son's college expense while protecting both of you.