This is the done thing in the case of a disaster, but not where there is a natural death - which is a disaster to the surviving partner who, in his or her final years, should not have financial worries in my view. I sent my neighbour some money and said it was for the 'John Smith Fund'. I must have worded it correctly because the old boy was very grateful and has said what a nice idea it was. It has led to a discussion about why the funeral directors could not accept donations towards the funeral expenses for instance. I would like to start a campaign to make this more acceptable.
Charity begins at home.
If charities feel that they will miss out, then I suggest that they turn their attention to the department store wedding lists. I have heard of folk invited to weddings being so annoyed by what is being asked for these days that they refuse to attend the wedding. Relatives annoyed by a couple asking for extravagant gifts would be the types to give to charity instead.