I think the authors are right. THis is why rejection is so painful. Love puts boys into the position of making themselves open to someone who can nurture them or reject them to someone they want to be valued by. Of course, dependence ins't necessary, just typical.
Dependence puts the responsbility for self-value on the object of the love.
This leads to enmeshment rather than interdependence where the sense of self remains seperate but is still effected to a degree by the partner.