A cucumber won't want to join your support group. Cucumbers aren't into meaningful discussions. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator. A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.
Cucumbers can handle rejection.
A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache. A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is. A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet. A cucumber won't give it up for Lent. With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry.