Provide opportunities for the person to meaningfully participate. There are dozens of ways she can contribute. She could also select or make a small item to be buried with the lost individual. Telling a brief personal story at the memorial might be an option, or dictating it ahead of time to someone who will read it to the larger group. Help the person express feelings .
Death elicits more than sadness.
Sometimes a person feels the death is a punishment for something he did in the relationship. Counseling can aim toward absolving the person of unrealistic quilt, expressing and dissipating anger, and gradually resolving the other distressing feelings. Sometimes grief is experienced in physical ways, such as nausea, shortness of breath, heavy sighing or overall weakness. Disrupted sleep and eating patterns are common. Help the person understand that sadness is not only a feeling and a thought, but also a bodily reaction.