At bottom, it is an abdication of your responsibilities. Being genuinely interested in your child means interested enough to know how she spends her time, where she goes, and at which time she gets home. Expecting a child to do chores, respect curfews, and submit to discipline is one way of telling your child you love her. Don't let alcohol and pills become crutches for you. To do so is to set a bad example for your child.
Democracy is a great philosophy of government, but it's no way to raise children.
Perhaps if you lower those expectations, you'll find there's a lot to be proud of. Teach your child to respect authority. Teach her as well that warmth and good humour are not incompatible with the exercise of authority. Realize that children do need close supervision, but that such supervision is not the same as undue restriction. If you don't want to have to punish your child, be strict with him.