He loved people in that congregation. He believed God had called him to serve there. But he also believed in himself. It was a struggle. Life's difficult choices are never between right and wrong, God's will and the devil.
Choices are hard because the are between alternatives that are equally noble.
Consider Job's plight. His friends were right, he would be at peace if he could simply accept his condition. But he was right in not knuckling under. How many people have we known who owe their life to the refusal to give in to their illness. How to respond to his suffering was itself the torment.