Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the reconciliation and calm stages may disappear. Just like the victims, there are no typical abusers. Anyone can be an abuser.
Abuse is often a learned behavior .
The tendency to use abuse as a control tactic is aggravated by the use of drugs and alcohol. Many times the abuser was abused himself, by a domineering father, brother or even a sister. Many abusers start their abuse when they are small on small animals and then graduate to their wives, children, etc. Just as drug and alcohol problems can be overcome with proper treatment and counseling, abusive behavior can be overcome with proper treatment and counseling. The person who uses any form of violence to control or manipulate a partner often has low self-esteem, may refuse to accept responsibility for the violence, and may believe the violence is justified.