George Carlin's book, Mind Droppings, is hilarious and irreverent. These lines and quips are from some of his stand-up routines. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The older you get, the better you realize you were.