It's an illusion that spoils our satisfaction and our ability to enjoy the riches of ordinary life. The harder we strive for perfection, the greater our disappointments and misery will be because perfection does not exist. Alcoholic and co-dependent parents demand perfection, and if that isn't possible, then they demand that you pretend perfection. No weakness, no fear, no anger, no problems. The mask of invulnerability rears its ugly face again, and as always it blocks out the light of reality.
All human being have failings.
Refusing to accept this truth brings self- hate and misery. Valerie spent so much time attempting to be the wonderful person she thought she should be, that she almost lost her real self in the process. Her self-image as a bright, competent, charming, loving, compassionate and understanding person didn't jibe with the real woman who made mistakes and got angry and felt inpatient with her friends and colleagues. This inner conflict between the unattainable ideal self and the fallible real self is what triggered her panic attacks. Many months later, it was difficult to correlate my first memory of Valerie's rigid uptightness with the vibrantly mellow person relaxing in the chair opposite me.