The parties are probably in the worst emotional states of their lives, the kids are being shuffled from one parent to the other, the same income available for one household now must support two, and two attorneys must be paid a handsome fee to act as gladiator for each side, either in settlement conference or in court. However, for me the euphoria lasted only a moment. I found myself feeling empty and confused, like I participated in an event where everyone lost. Hurt feelings simply did not go away. The role of the judge is to make a decision, which has nothing to do with how a person feels.
Courts are crowded and judges are overworked.
Moreover, a judge is limited by law to divide property and set support in certain prescribed ways. When I became a mediator in 1991, I saw for the first time how couples can air their feelings yet make creative decisions on property division, custody, and support. I saw that both have a stake in cooperating with tax planning so both sides can win. Finding common ground is the key to mediation and it is my continuing goal. Based on my experience, it is the only successful way to approach settlement in a divorce case.