So the confidence that we are to build into our children is not self-confidence, but confidence in the grace and power of God. In other words you teach a child to despair of all self-confidence and direct his desire for confidence to the grace of God. That question leads us to turn now to the second part of our text, namely the duty of Christian parents not to provoke their children. It is a warning against the misuse of legitimate authority. That gives to parents tremendous authority and responsibility under God.
Children are to do what parents say.
Now in verse 21 he cautions fathers against a misuse of this God-given authority. The misuse he has in mind is that fathers might treat their children in such a way that their spirit is broken and they become hopelessly discouraged. In choosing the broad and general word I think Paul would have us teach that parents should avoid everything that ruins a child's confidence in God and leaves him hopeless and discouraged. This requires tremendous wisdom from fathers, because not all short term discouragements result in long term hopelessness. On the contrary, our heavenly Father clearly brings short term frustrations and discouragements into our lives precisely to put us on a new footing of faith.