It was difficult for them to identify a beginning, and they never knew how long a particular phase, or situation, would last. The adult adjusters often have neither a sense of direction, nor do they have a sense of taking responsibility for the direction they would like their lives to take. They feel no sense of choice, and no sense of power over their own lives. While the more responsible children of alcoholics have developed a sense of being able to affect the events in their lives, adjusters usually do not have a sense of control. So now, as adults, they don't talk about real issues in their lives, and they certainly do not seriously examine their own feelings.
Adjusters find themselves associating with others who are as emotionally closed as they are.
To them, this limited association is the only type of relationship which is safe. Based on this behavior patter, it is easy to see how adjusters find mates who cause uproar. Yet, this kind of self-negating adjusting results in the person becoming depressed. isolated, and lonely. For adult adjusters, also, alcohol can remove feelings of inadequacy. The drug alcohol, gives them a false sense of power.