Probably best not to eat it at all then. Though I must concede that crumble is a better dish in sum than its parts would suggest. Custard, on the other hand, sadly lives up to expectations. But beer is nice. Damage is done.
Chances are Pudding is out on the tiles enjoying a taste of freedom.
She's quite a looker, I recall. Of course, if she's gone and got run over then that's the end of your sordid fling with Vicky, cos girls really hate it when you kill their cat. And in any case you'd better think twice about this playing away from home nonsense, cos her other half's gonna mash you when he reads this. Very fond of that cat, he was. Arrr, he were a wrong'un alright.