You can go to the movies with a cucumber, and see the movie. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn and send you out for nachos. A cucumber will always respect your privacy, and not want to do it in unusual places. A cucumber can always wait until you get home. Cucumbers never need a round of applause.
Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.
A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin. With a cucumber, you don't have to be a virgin more than once. Cucumbers don't compare notes. Cucumbers don't have sex hangups, and aren't into chains and leather and talking dirty. A cucumber won't make you wear kinky clothes.