You are going along just fine until all of a sudden,without warning, you're unable to keep your balance. Sometimes, this means something serious, hospitalization or dementia or agoraphobia. If you're lucky you just feel crappy and stay home for a couple of days. But the edge of the abyss is nearer without warning. And you know you could slip.
Depression always seems like being detached, uncaring, unmoved by anything, without highs or lows.
This is more like teetering on the brink of something thoroughly unpleasant. I've realized I'm scared that this is all there is to life. The absence of hell isn't sufficient. I want more. I require more.