It provides an opening for Matt to talk more about his concern and begin to think about what to do about it. An accurate use of active listening skills will take the sender to the heart of the problem. As the problem becomes clearer, the sender can begin to get over the feelings and focus on what to do. Assertiveness, or confrontation, means taking the initiative or first steps to deal with a problem in a constructive, self-protective manner. Assertiveness attacks the problem, not the person.
Aggressiveness attacks the other person rather than the problem.
People often avoid confronting others about their behavior because they don't want to hurt the relationship. However, avoiding problems may cause bad feelings to build and may result in an explosion or withdrawal from the relationship. Using I-messages to be assertive is constructive, rather than destructive. It helps people deal with problem behavior in a way that allows the other person to agree to change while not damaging the relationship. The goal is to get other people to change their behavior without putting them down or making them feel badly toward you.