As soon as I said the words I knew that they were a lie, spoken out of fatigue and frustration. In reality, there is nothing in this world that fulfills me anymore than my family. I watch them struggle, grow, win, and lose with fierce pride and love that is so acute as to be painful. In our family, we fight and we love with equal intensity. Hard words are spoken and tears are shed.
Apologies are sincere and hugs are warm.
It is hard and exhausting work. It has always frightened me to know that my kids are something like modeling clay in my hands. I have a vivid memory of sitting on Bev's bed in the maternity ward of Hackettstown Hospital holding our newborn son filled with a combination of terror and wonder. The awesome weight of responsibility settled on my young shoulders that day. The patterns of life that we trained into him are now emerging.