A cucumber won't tell you size doesn't count. Cucumbers don't get too excited. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety. A cucumber doesn't have a mother. A cucumber doesn't have an ex-wife.
Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
A cucumber doesn't get involved in child custody cases. Cucumbers can get away any weekend. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning. You can go to a movie with a cucumber and see the movie. At a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat.