Parts of who you are remain with your former spouse and pieces of him or her stay with you. You do not recognize who you are or who you are supposed to be. To separate and get in touch with our boundaries, or as a way to keep the other person involved with us. Miller believes many people have deep primary needs from childhood wounds or a lack of nurturing, which they expect their mate to fulfill. The other spouse feels overwhelmed because his or her love goes into a black hole.
Anger is a way to hang on to a relationship.
Divorce anger can become a hook to reel you back into the past. Your former spouse may be unable to admit his or her own anger. Your ex may focus on your behavior. You become angry. If you grab this bait by feeling guilty or retaliating, you surrender control over your emotions.