All computers wait at the same speed. In my day, you didn't need an anti-glare screen. Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature. Don't bother striking any key. A program is a device used to convert data into error messages.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. A television program may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. Back when I was a boy, we carved our own IC's out of wood. Bad command or file name. Being married to a programmer is like having a cat.