Because you have allowed your children to develop strong self-wills, you think that if you were as narrow as I suggest, you would be spanking them 25 times each day. The thing you do not appreciate and, without a good example, cannot fathom, is the power of consistent enforcement. When children know their limits and are assured that you will be consistent in enforcing them, they will quickly learn to live within the bounds you set. The tension disappears and is replaced with a secure sense of order and purpose. Righteousness produces joy.
Children feel righteous when they are caused to live a life of discipline and obedience.
Obedient children do not experience guilt or anxiety. They like themselves and feel that everyone else likes them as well. Obedient children feel successful and confident, and they will be creative and aggressive facing the challenges of education and social exchange. My children and the children of others who practice these Biblical principles are proof of the rightness of the things I have said. If you feel that your permissive approach to parenting is more compassionate than mine, I am sure you have tension in your home, and you don't exchange as many smiles with your children as I do with mine.