Abuse is not the same as normal marital arguments. Abuse is an ongoing pattern of power and control that progressively limits the thoughts, words and actions of the victim, out of fear of the abuser. When there is abuse in a marriage, couples counseling cannot help until there is first a change in the abuser and he or she stops the abuse for good. If the abused person would just change or try harder, the abuse would stop. It takes two to tango.
Abuse is the responsibility of the abuser.
No matter how annoying or difficult one's spouse or children are, that is never an excuse to abuse and hurt them. Women abuse their husbands just as much as the opposite. Generally, when there is abuse, it is the wife who is abused by her husband. Wife abuse is one of the main reasons for women to be seen in hospital emergency rooms. When women hit or scratch, it is often in self-defense.