Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't. Beer doesn't care how much you earn. Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it. Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.
Beer never complains about a wet spot.
You can put all your old beers together in one room and they won't fight. A beer is best when it is frigid. Nobody cares just because you like beer that's 3 years old. A beer won't complain if you make it spend the night in a wet spot. You don't have to worry about a mess just because you're the first to open a beer.