DOI: 10.20375/0000-0011-4921-6
title: Y me busco

description: Abstract: 
Y me busco is a Spanish play that addresses the contradiction between heteronormativity and gender trouble. Seven actors, with and without mental disabilities, stage questions about sex and gender, gender roles, gender transition, and sexuality in general. The focus lies on the deconstruction and disposition of gender. The piece consists of several fragments, alternating dance and music interludes, dialogues and monologues, playbacks, and performances centering on props (mainly sculptures of queer bodies).
Details: 
The piece begins with an empty stage, on which the six different body replicas can be seen. These can be interpreted as both female and male bodies, with one female replica, for example, missing a breast, and the replicas generally transcending beauty norms. Two performers enter the stage, one meditating, the other wandering around. Both leave the stage again. A playback follows, in which a child's voice insistently speaks to a mother. It can be assumed, that the voice belongs to a girl whose body was assigned to a male gender at birth. The girl demands that her nails be painted, that she doesn’t want to wear pants, and that she wants to be recognized as a "niña" ("girl"). 
Once again, the dark, empty stage can be seen, on which only the replicas are positioned. Slowly, four performers, who were not visible before, crawl onto the stage from the back and position themselves behind the sculptures. Several times, by rolling sideways, the bodies are interchanged (without them being moved). Finally, the song "Blame" by Maya Jane Coles is played, the stage is illuminated, and slowly the four performers, with the sculptures in front of their chests, stand up and begin to perform gender images through rhythmic and dance-like movements (simulated smoking, make-up, saluting, waving, etc.). Several times it is suggested that the body sculptures are passed on or changeable. At the end of the song, the three missing performers enter the stage - among them the two from the beginning as well as the last performer who has not yet appeared. The four performers from before still hold on to the replicas, while the other three are without sculptures. 
All seven of the actors begin to pass on the replicas, saying “cuerpo” (“body”) with different pronouns, highlighting that body and mind sometimes differ. All actors turn towards their left, facing a red chair. At once “The Beautiful People” by Marilyn Manson is played, and the performers begin circling the stage. They do so huddled together, sometimes running, breaking away dancing, sometimes traipsing on their toes. When the song stops, they turn their backs to the fourth wall. Another playback of the young girl is played. It seems like friends and family of the girl´s parents persuade them with anti-feminist and heteronormative “advice”, such as to not let the girl transition physically or bring her to an “especialista” (“specialist”). One person exclaims that “by God” (“Dios”), nature does not make mistakes. “The Beautiful People” returns playing. Again, the performers start dancing, now out of order. All except the bald actor leave the stage. When the song stops, he begins a monologue about identity and his/her gender trouble. He is likely staging an older version of the girl from the playbacks. One by one, the other actors enter the stage again. Again “The Beautiful People” is played, and again the performers begin to walk in a circle in formation, as they did the first time. 
When the song ends, playback begins again. The girl lists toys, all coded for female children, that she wants to play with. In parallel, the actors hold up the replicas, which are piled up one by one by a female performer. The performer shouts at the pile, and then the actors begin to walk diffusely around, always until the actress shouts again (then everyone stops for a moment). After that, everyone lines up. One after the other, cries of pain are emitted. The actress, who wandered around at the beginning, holds a monologue about chronic pain. She says that she has problems with her mobility due to chronic illnesses. When she says that she often falls, three actors in the background fall to the ground. In interaction with the other actors, the connection between pain and identity is brought together - life, presumably of disabled people, as such is staged as painful. After, one by one, everyone leaves the stage.
Two actors, the one who meditated at the beginning and another one, start a dialogue about chronic pain in the neck, chest, and back, about gender-atypical behavior in young girls (“tomboy”), about a woman who painted her husband in women's clothes, and about a secret, which is that the actress would like to be a man for today. After that, “Phantom Doll” by Tracy Grammer is played, and they start dancing. They take on inverse gender roles, each putting on a high heel and integrating other performers (who in turn, in white skirts, enter the stage, dancing among themselves as well) into their dance. When the song stops, they all leave the stage again. In the playback, the girl asks her mother about her penis - the mother tries to gently reassure the girl, explaining to her that it is not unusual to be a girl with a penis and that nature is just wrong sometimes. 
“Cold Song” by Klaus Nomi is played. The actress from the beginning stands in the center of the stage. One by one, the other performers come and adjust her posture, adjusting. The last actor (the bald one) puts her on the floor - after that, he straightens her up again, she starts screaming and chases him off the stage. Then the play ends, with “Phantom Doll” playing again.