Challenging the myths of reunification in adoption
Creators: name: Whitaker, Valerie
Publisher: name: No Publisher Supplied
Year: 2020

description: Adoption has always been somewhat a “taboo” topic. It has not been until recent years that all aspects of “adoption” have been resurrected and pushed into the forefront. Often times, adoption is presented as a perfect “win-win” scenario for all involved. It is a familiar story of the biological parent in search of a loving home for the child. The adoptive mother is on an endless journey to identify and welcome a child to take into her home and extend her family, and, in the instance of the child, he or she ultimately is placed within the loving nuclear family. This is a traditional narrative consistently projected into society with assistance of media attention, adoption movies, memoirs, and novels. With such strong ideologies of lightness sprinkled on the concept of adoption, it therefore becomes romanticized, removing any deeper underlying actual human emotions that may cause inner and outer conflict in all components of the relationship. The adoption story is a beloved tale of society that is enchanting and heartwarming. It creates a sense of hope and love with a “happily ever after” premise that comforting fairy tales are made of. Some of our society’s favorite films are rooted in the adoption world. Film classics such as Annie, Baby Boom, Problem Child, Three Men and A Baby, to even the children’s animated cartoon favorite, Kung-Fu Panda reiterate heart-warming and cozy feelings that highlight only the positive attributes of adoption. Although comforting, this representation of the outer layer of adoption is laced with superficiality and unrealistic notions that are not recognized for various reasons. With the strong advocacy of adoptees for the right to be heard , there has been a shift in understanding in the entirety of the adoption process and most importantly in the intricate dynamics of the “adoption triad” that consists of the biological mother, the adoptee, and the adoptive mother. Increased media coverage of all members of the triad has allowed various voices to be heard and has brought attention to an aspect of adoption that occupies many adoptees, especially those who grew up in closed adoptions without knowledge of their birth parents. By way of background, the most two common types of adoptions are open and closed. Although no adoptions are the same, there are specific characteristics that set them both apart. An open adoption allows open communication between birth families and adoptive parents. Depending on the circumstance and agreements with the family, this interaction can occur before placement and can continue through an adoptee’s lifetime. A closed adoption consists of no communication among members of the adoption triad. Minimal information is transferred between parties as there is a recognized acknowledgement for privacy. One of the major aspects of a closed adoption that surfaces is the reunification of the adoptee with the one third of the triad, the biological mother. Many adoptees from closed adoptions have various reasons that they should or should not reunify with their birth parent; however, there is a universal “uncertainty” that adoptees do commonly share. Unlike what is displayed in media and often left out of the representation of the dynamic, there are heavy circumstances that accompany reunification with the birth mother that will affect all three parties of the triad. Exploring the motivations for reunification can provide greater understanding of the adoption triad, the adoptee, birth mother, and adoptive mother. It is imperative the three parties be critically analyzed as the desires and involvement of each can heavily determine the outcome of the reunification and the future of the relationship. It is important to understand with each reunification has there looms a possibility of a negative or a positive outcome. In either circumstance, the adoptee must be prepared to handle the inevitable repercussions that will weigh heavily on the existing triad. In addition to possibly securing answers about the adoptee’s origins, reunification can bring uncertainty, emotional instability, unrealistic expectations, and a major issue of identity and lack of security in the current or new relationships. This paper will dissect the notions of each party in the adoption triad and their influences on reunification. In addition to investigating themes of reunification generally, it will explore motivations for reunification, asking such questions as, when is reunification advisable? Why might the relationship with the birth mother work or not work? When is the right time for determining when the reunification should take place? For example, an adoptee that is perhaps in their mid-twenties and older may have less resentment and more maturity on their side, allowing them to emotionally evolve upon meeting the birth mother and find balance in the triad dynamic. This may also be true for an adoptee that may have started their own family, creating a more empathetic path of understanding and compassion toward the birth mother. A later-in-life reunification may also prepare the adoptive mother to identify her role in a new uncharted territory as the adoptee brings “another mother” into the adoption dynamic. In addition, the birth mother may have time to reflect on and decide how she can share her story and receive direction from her child as to where their relationship may go. However, having the opportunity of time can also resurrect unresolved issues or emotions from the adoption and may present as unwelcome feelings for each member of the triad. The balance of relationships in the triad will be consistently weaving as relationships are examined and find understanding. This paper explores those dynamics and may serve as a guide for adoptee reunifications. There may be a lack of information when navigating through the many layers of adoption and correlating triad; hence this paper provides a tremendous amount of insight and realistic expectations from various perspectives.