Please tell me the sentiment of the following review: A pretentious but - to varying degrees - watchable collection of mostly pointless "stories".

But let's start from the top.

Kaurismaki: If one ever wondered what Finnish love/romance was like, perhaps this dull little oddity is some indication. Subdued feelings, non-emotions, apathetic faces and a very depressing prospect of moving from Finland to Siberia! I guess the sequel to this story will be "For Our Honeymoon We Move From Siberia to Greenland". Aki obviously had no clue what to write for this little movie, so he just made up some half-assed non-"story" centering around a band he particularly likes (or maybe they're his friends) because we get to watch them and listen to their music more than the two principal characters.

Erice: First off, I've never heard of this guy before  and now I know why. Nice black&white photography and pretty much nothing else - unless being bored silly can be considered an asset. But you'd be surprised how many movie-critics and film students love boredom in movies so I hotly recommend Erice's 10-minute snooze-fest to those two groups of humanoids.

Herzog: Not a movie but probably a slice out of his documentaries about tribes in South America. This isn't a short film but a report, but considering how dull the first two entries were, Herzog's bit is almost refreshing and does have some interesting moments, and if nothing else fits into the movie's pretentious "time" concept very neatly.

Jarmusch: As was to be almost expected, this once-interesting film-maker (with the brain of a peanut; a talented idiot savant) serves us yet another doze of pointlessness. He has become lazy and can't be bothered to write anything interesting, either for his own movies or a collection such as TMO. The only bright side in watching how a dumb veggie actress spends 10 minutes in a trailer is that she is played by the lovely Chloe Sevigny. Otherwise, skip this nonsense. Oh, and btw: I don't believe that any young actress listens to classical music; was Jarmusch trying to be surreal by making Chloe listen to that kind of music? Does Lindsey Lohan perhaps listen to opera? Maybe Drew Barrymore is a jazz fan? Who am I to say they aren't?!

Jim Jarmusch is a moron. Oh, right... I already mentioned that...

Wenders: Here is the actual shock of the whole movie: Wenders can actually make something good!!!!!? Everything else I've seen from this overrated charlatan has so far been dull and pointless. However, this short little story is done with style(!  atypical) and is the best part of the movie. It leaves one wanting to see more of it, even though the story has a resolution.

Spike Lee: Oh, dear Lord What can I say here? Lee makes anyone seem talented by comparison. Like Herzog, he chooses not a story but submits a report  and a left-wing political propaganda report at that! CNN, but in black and white, and one-sided, of course. Naturally, "We Wuz Robbed", the retarded title of this little sleep-inducer, is about how the poor, gullible and infinitely idealistic Democrats WUZ ROBBED by Bush and his EVIL EVIL team of THIEVES. This is by far the dumbest and dullest entry in this movie, and I had to utilize the fast-forward button so as not to doze off. Spike Lee truly is a product of Affirmative Action. God knows how many really talented (black) directors never had a chance to make movies because this pretentious and talentless little runt keeps getting opportunity after opportunity to make them. And he gets it wrong EVERY TIME! Now that does take some kind of talent, right? 

Kaige: The Chinese story has a solid premise. It's okay, nothing more.

All in all, there are many and far better movies to spend your time on, but if your time isn't that valuable (as is apparently the case with my own) you can check this little film out.

"Ten minutes sure can be an eternity in the hands of anti-masters of cinema. Time is precious. Waste it on better movies." - Fedor Miklowitz, 1588
OPTIONS:
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negative