Age: 36.0
Sex: F
Vaccine: COVID19
Symptoms: Transfusion
Clinical narrative: Days after 1st Pfizer shot- 36 days out            My Plea for       Our (Privacy)  ?I am deeply saddened to say that I delivered my son, at 34 weeks; stillborn.  September xx, 2021, was the saddest day of my, of our lives, or so I thought.  This is the hardest thing I?ve ever had to endure. The hardest thing my husband has had to endure.      Postpartum depression doesn?t even begin to describe the state of mind I am in constantly.  On top of it all, the hospital has lost our son's remains.  They left us a voicemail to tell us.    Then, On Friday, October X, 2021, 13 days after my son passed away, hospital personal gave us ac h n unmarked box of cremains; in a box that was not sealed. There was no Id coin attached to the bag of less than 2ml of cremains, nor was the plastic transport urn accompanied by a Cremation certificate.  The hospital was steadfast in telling us they didn?t know who cremated our son. Since the exchange of the unidentified cremains, the hospital has even blocked my phone number from calling any of the numbers associated with their hospital, including my ob-gyn. There was an extensive effort that had gone into ensuring that I survived. I am, was in contact with my OB regularly to ensure my health remained stable after the unauthorized blood transfusions the gave me, until then.     We were not made aware of any of the many options for after-death care of our son apart from the three given to us by the hospital staff.  Our family could have provided (Privacy) with so much more respect than the hospital has. There were so many options we could have explored had we known to avoid such uncivilized treatment and such torturous mental effects it has had on me and my husband, all at our son's expense and at a time like this in our life.     I may never recover from this.   We may never recover from this.  We may never get to lay our son to rest in a way we need to for him and us.   I'm already a (Privacy) program member; I have Mental Health issues, this has broken me.  Inside and out.    How do you wake up from a nightmare when you are not asleep?    No one will help us.  No one has any idea what needs to be done. I followed all the recommendations and suggestions given to me.   I suffered immensely.  For hours I laid In a triage bed, writhing in pain, bleeding out internally. It was hours before they even gave me medication of any kind in attempt at pain control. I would pass out and regain consciousness, feeling like I was burning from the inside out. I was forced to endure the pain of a medically induced labor and the Manual Excavation (removal Of blood clots) without an epidural, up until I refused to let the doctor touch me.     It was so painful.  I couldn?t take it any longer, I guess.  It was like I had been tortured endlessly for what seemed like an eternity. So,  that's when they took me to an operating room and finally sedated me.  They sedated me and finished the removal of my placenta, and pleased a balloon inside me to help. I was given more than nine units of blood via blood transfusions, including type b blood; I am A positive.   I currently cope with having to have endured so much pain by telling myself, ?I endured such unimaginable pain so that my son didn?t have to. ?  But that is not true.   Our  son had already passed away that morning before 10 am, and he was not delivered until 11:15 pm.     (Privacy) was held, by his dad or me, for days without being put on ice or the mention of such being or needing to be done. We were not told of the stages his body would go through during this time. We were not informed of additional options for memorial services outside of the three choices we were given. There wasn?t someone to tell us in our prominent stage of shock that we could bathe our baby and dress him or to have him leave with us for a home funeral or many many additional options we have learned of after it is now too late to facilitate.   And to be, to be told he is lost or had been disposed of, or been treated with such disregard and us left not knowing what has happened to him, if this is his remains...     This is just unheard of and unjust to say the very very very least.   Please help us in our fight for our (Privacy) and for future families to ensure this never happens again.     I share our story with you for several reasons.  One being because of the traumatic effects the first photo on the usb drive the nurse handed my husband. They were supposed to photos of our baby they had taken. They were. Even after I held onto his lifeless body every second I could in the hospital, I was not prepared for what I saw when we got home and prepared to look at the photos. I wanted to see my baby boys  face.  I wanted to explore it and engrave it into my memory. That, sadly, isn?t what happened.   This is  The best I was able to do for my baby     I just wanted to see his face.  The way God created it.                       Our goal        Privacy Journals Thank you so much for your considerations in joining our fight.  My goal is to create awareness to the point everyone has to listen, procuring more adequate resources for the families that have lost loved ones and equipping a variety of facilities with these resources.  By accomplishing this, I will establish a voice loud enough to be heard.   Ultimately, I strive to ensure every entity involved, owhen a life is lost, follows procedure and eliminates the doubts of bereaving families. Providing knowledge of how lost loved ones will be cared for and where they are at all times is essential for and to the grief process and healing.  Parents, families, friends of and even hospital staff are victims when the resources are not adequately available.   Why can't there be a bereavement counselor on call, a death doula to educate families on their many options and alternatives, to honor those lives lost, ones that are widely observed.  A professional photographer willing to come to capture a memory you have yet to make and fill voids families do not yet know will exist? A list of organizations that will create and donate memorial items for those that do grieve, and will grieve, their angels? A support group member that has experienced this dark and unbearable pain personally and will come at a moment's notice, as they are the only ones that can ever truly relate.  Our vision is to provide resources as well as immediate and genuine support. Compassionate support is possible, and it?s what support should be like, for everyone.   This kind of support is what the start of the path should be like for those who undertake the most challenging and harrowing journey towards healing, most will ever begin to walk down.  I, and many others, should have had these options.   Let's make this happen together!   Thank you so much for joining our fight in honor of Our (Privacy).