premise: Why did I have to be such a gullable and overly caring person in the first place ? Why could n't I be the kind of cold hearted heathen people think I am ? How much more do I have to deal with before people start realising that there are cracks in my armour ? What 's a possible reason the writer wants to be the kind of cold hearted heathen people think they are ?
hypothesis: Because they 've been getting their feelings hurt .