I'm going to be honest with you, I'm not going to pass your articles as GA, because frankly, they suck. But that doesn't mean an agreement can't be reached upon where your articles could still potentially reach GA.

First thing you need to know, is that Good Article status is a crock of shit. The criteria for it is a fair model, and it is not the problem. The problem is that it is not governed by a committee. Any bozo, like yourself, is allowed to review an article and ultimately decide if the article, in their mind, merits inclusion into CGD (Club Green Dot). The bar sits firmly in the mud. Snakes slither across it. My articles, on the other hand, never have enjoyed the benefits of exception. With extreme prejudice, they have been held to the highest possible standard set by the criteria.

Now we get to your GA review of Howling Bells, which I would like a full explanation for. That's one of the agreements that I have set forth, in order for you to avoid failure of your articles, by me. You can decide if you would like to abide by this resolution or not. Tell me something, are you on drugs, prescription or otherwise? If that offends you I apologize, but your review made me think of three things. Either somebody took a shit on your face and you couldn't see through it, you had a big D in your ass, or you were in a state of incoherence brought on by substance abuse. I must confess, I'm ashamed that I'm even having to talk to some punk ass high school kid who listens to crappy music. Not that I feel that I hold a higher place in this world than you, because Lord knows that's not the case. It's just that, I'm sittin' here having to deal with some goddamn little kid over the computer. Even at your age, I know you understand where I'm coming from.

There's not much of a reward getting an article to GA status, aside from that dot. A small part of me would like to see the article at GA, but it really doesn't concern me a whole lot whether it gets there or not. Howling Bells is at GA and that's basically good enough for me. As far as Halfway Gone goes, at this point, it's outta my hands. You're just gonna have to accept the fact the article could possibly be de-listed. Consider that your penalty for fuckin' around with other people's hard work.

Ok, so there are two agreements I have come up with that I think are very acceptable.

A full explanation of your GA review of Howling Bells (album). I'll guide you through it on the review page. If you decide to play ball, good on ya.
You must say the following to me, here on my talk page: I, , am just a punk ass teenager, who loves Justin Beiber, loves the crappy music of Justin Beiber, and loves crappy music from many other crappy artists.
The font has to be huge too, none of this small crap. Also, see if you can do it in some kind of color, that would be cool.

Now, I will not pass your articles if you agree to this, but I will not fail them. Instead, I will explain on the review pages that any reviewing of the articles that I have done up until this point should be disregarded. My reasoning will be because of my inexperience as a first time reviewer has led me to realize that I am not capable for such a task. I will wash my hands of the articles, take them off hold, and request that another editor undertake the review. If you are unwilling to accept these agreements, than you leave me no other choice but to expeditiously fail the articles. Let me know what you wanna do kid.  (meow)

Toxicity label: other