Second tranche of comments Managing career The Browns released him since it s the first mention in the section change him to He managed to recover from his injury changed to a couple of seasons how many is a couple Be specific for the Bridgeport Connecticut club for the Eastern League would be more concise June 27 1918 comma after year players in the Bronx de link used barely half a screen earlier and move back to baseball as a career would be more formal and as a career isn t really necessary The comma before this could be removed since the sentence is getting shorter New York University baseball team link should be expanded to cover the words baseball team because otherwise it just looks like a link to the school He then signed for Ed Barrow to become a coach unclear who signed where Did Krichell become a coach or did Barrow Regardless then should be removed as it s superfluous Scouting career On the request of Barrow now the new general manager of the New York Yankees Krichell became a full time scout wait what I thought Barrow was with the Red Sox What happened Where did the change come from No timeframe The Yankees at the time had a two man scouting rotation move At the time to the beginning of the sentence The first player he signed he is ambiguous here as you refer to two men in the prior sentence was Hinkey Haines comma after Haines He then signed catcher Benny Bengough from Buffalo of the International League and Charlie Caldwell a Princeton University graduate remove then change period after IL to comma add comma after Caldwell A pitcher who only appeared in three games in his career his whole pro career or his major league career Caldwell was being used That lead the way for Lou Gehrig lead should be Found another inline season link 1912 St Louis Browns season and 1923 Yankees season to be in attendance for a He happened to be in the same train with happened to be is pretty informal but I don t know specifically what to suggest Should be re worded Gehrig hit two home runs in three at bats should be clarified that it refers to that game or that day After the game Krichell spoke with Ed Barrow comma after game Barrow linked again Remove first name and link Skeptical Barrow send Krichell next game against New York University NYU is linked above though to the team the school link itself doesn t provide a lot of context After the game Gehrig comma after game where he sometimes started at Columbia it was already mentioned above that he pitched at Columbia so this is superfluous On June 11 1923 comma after year He did batting practice with the Yankees while informing manager Miller Huggins about the player this doesn t make a lot of sense Who did batting practice Who informed what I m confused He stayed with the Yankees for two months getting several chances to play as a pinch hitter who stayed I m getting the impression that it s Gehrig and we don t need all this detail about him in an article about Krichell The focus is straying On August 1 Huggins decided to send Gehrig to the Hartford Senators where the team instructed the manager of the club to play him every day at first base regardless of circumstances 24 After a hot start in Hartford Gehrig went though a long slump and depression leading him to consider quitting baseball more about Gehrig there s some important stuff here but it needs to be reduced to just enough to provide context for Krichell s trip Krichell was emergency deployed something s not right with that wording because emergency is not an adjective I don t know if deployed is the right word either as he s not a military unit Maybe dispatched During a steak dinner he found out that Gehrig was drinking He told Gehrig that even the best players slump from time to time He even gave batting advice to Gehrig giving him one of Ty Cobb s old batting tricks informal language Again I m at a loss for what to suggest here Second group complete I hope to get another section done before the end of the night tonight Talk WP PHILLIES Phi