Peer review from Vision Hi Paul At first glance your theory page seems to be really rich However after reading the lead part I have to agree with you that the language is sort of unclear More importantly my feel is that it reads like fragments mixed together but not well integrated Therefore I suggest that you may want to work on better summarize the theory and make it more like an article than excerpt Another suggestion from me regards the structure Obviously the sections after Criticism of the theory were not organized logically For example criticism of the theory itself shows up twice I think you have done a great job in your page edit outline in describing how you are going to restructure it Also I just want to mention that you bonus analysis of talk page is really fascinating I might do a similar analysis as well because it addresses some general concerns from a community that not only read the article but also try to enhance it