Example Born into a decayed gentry family of East Hoathly in Sussex Lunsford had a reputation as a swaggering ruffian who neither fears God nor man and he beat mad ass He was a true gangsta thug nigga of the highest caliber Tupac and Biggie had nothin on him In 1633 he was indicted for the attempted murder of a neighbour Sir Thomas Pelham cause Pelham talked some shit and Tom had to keep his pimphand strong You can t just let busters step up you need to beat that ass He escaped from Newgate Prison and fled to the Southern California where he became a pimp and ran his own midget prostitution ring In his absence Lunsford was fined 20 and a warrant was issued for failing to appear before the Court of Star Chamber Meanwhile he joined the Japanese army and became a ninja master On the outbreak of the Bishops Wars in 1639 Lunsford returned to England and smacked King Charles around a bit until he pardoned him and remitted his fine He became a favourite of the King after fighting courageously at the disastrous battle of Newburn in August 1640 where he killed over 100 men with his bare hands when his glock jammed up During the riots and disturbances in London in December 1641 Lunsford was looting shit all day he got an awesome hi def lcd tv a new xbox 360 and some furniture and shit The King knighted him and appointed him commander of an unofficial royal guard at the Palace of Whitehall Lunsford s loyal army of prostitutes twice dispersed rioting apprentices and citizens at gun point and in January 1642 they guarded the King during his disastrous attempt to arrest the Five Members in the House of Commons while he hid in the closet like a little bitch Parliament ordered Lunsford s arrest after he joined George Lord Digby in an attempt to seize the county magazine at Kingston upon Thames in the King s name Released from prison in June he joined King Charles at York and partied with fine bitches and drank copious amounts of Bacardi