Real Walt Whitman Walt Whitman is 90 stores tall and his adventures are legendary With his blue Ox Emily Dickinson Walt Whitman traveled across young america and helped the nation grow into the angry powerhouse it is today He dropped his mighty axe forming the grand canyon the apple cores he would spit from his might mouth planted apple trees all across the country and the stomp of his might boot caused the stock market to crash He and his friend Huck Finn traveled down the Mississippi river and freed the slaves Walt Whitman believed that the only good china man was a dead china man so he went to Tienanmen square and gave them all candy Except instead of candy he killed them Walt Whitman s might seem like a real cool guy but in reality he s a whiny ass pussy His live journal which he doesn t think anyone knows about is full of whiny goth poetry His current mood is always apathetic and his music is always some obscure punk band that no one has ever heard of Some people who pretended to be his friend so they could get access to his friends only posts grabbed some of his poetry and made a book from them and called it ode to faggotry when they found out other goth kids would actually read it they changed the name to Leaves of Grass and it sold like goth cakes Walt Whitman to this day doesn t know they re selling his poems and making a fortune off him They still don t invite him to any parties though because no one likes him Walt Whitman died a lonely man in Walt Disney Land He was on the gondola ride and he fell out because he wasn t fastened properly to the restraint Thanks to his dumb ass now none of us can ride it anymore Thanks a lot Walt Whitman