For your benefit I ll list what was wrong with your introduction American professional football player who has been a guard and offensive tackle in the National Football League NFL for twelve seasons Have fun updating this one every season he plays Also offensive tackle as a link in and of itself if fine You also unnecessarily dragged on that he played American football even though it s completely unnecessary to mention his nationality in the lead as has been decided by consensus He is currently an unrestricted free agent See every other project You can just say free agent in the first sentence Waiting until the end is asinine Otherwise I pretty much just re worded yours to fix those issues