Honest explanations for my actions I am going to tell you about my real and honest intentions behind my actions I felt that I have to explain my actions because there were many misunderstandings between me and other editors Wikipedia needs more administrators Signpost By motivated me to run for Adminship I knew that I will not pass but I thought that I will get some positive feedback and encouragement to relieve me from depression I was thinking about leaving wikipedia My real life situation is very bad I was depressed and I felt helpless After every failed RFA some nice people will come to the talk page and write some encouraging words I thought I will also get encouragement from the users that s why I ran for RFA That was very bad idea I created the RFA page and answered the questions I transcluded the RFA and waited for the votes to come in suddenly removed my transclution from main RFA page I reverted him by saying that I am not a new editor again removed my transclution without any edit summary I reverted again Editwarring started and softlavender posted editwarring notice on my talk page At last Softlavender stopped reverting This editwar totally devastated me When first warned me about editwarring I promised to myself that I will never edit war again I controlled myself from edit warring many times and this time I lost control I felt that all my hard work was wasted I worked for wikipedia with full dedication and I always strived to be sincere I wanted to withdraw my RFA but closed it as WP SNOW no problem there I felt more depressed and angry after RFA than before I just couldn t control myself Those notnow opposes also contributed to the meltdown After I said I will revert any changes to my talk page posted a good message My heart didn t allow me to revert Liz s edit I wanted to revert any edits to my talk page because I decided to leave wikipedia at that point and never ever come back I asked Liz to block me indefinitely I vandalised few articles to give admins a reason to block me in that frustration blocked me for 31 hours but I wanted to get indefinite block I ve got my talkpage access revoked after few minutes All the series of events I mentioned above led me to lose control over my actions I wouldn t have reacted like this if I wasn t suffering from depression You must ve seen my very low edit count in September it was because of health problems From last two months I am suffering from depression due to real life problems During that 31 hours I slowly started to think rationally and felt that I did a very big mistake After the block expired I started to edit normally I gave Bbb23 a barnstar of humor because he made a funny joke I wanted to become normal and tried to be jovial after the block I added a comment on Ian s RFA that he can not delete main page even if he presses delete button It was obviously a joke and I had a good laugh In 2006 an admin told another admin the same thing That admin tried it and deleted the main page This was very famous incident at that time My comment was removed I was hoping some comments like lol or someone remembering that incident But everyone thought I was disrupting After the discussion on my talk page I stopped adding that joke I removed my Support vote on Ian s RFA because I made that vote as a test I was testing my user script I actually didn t read any answers on RFA and I didn t see any stats or things I usually see before voting I asked a question to Ian and I thought I will vote after seeing his answer But I was unable to vote because I was blocked for another 72 hours The real reason for posting I want justice on