c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
I’m really enjoying my solitude after feeling trapped by my family, friends and boyfriend. Just then I feel like making a resolution. A new year began six months ago but I feel like the time for change is now. No more whining about my pathetic life. I am going to change my life this very minute. Feeling as empowered as I felt when I read The Secret, I turn to reenter the hall. I know what I’ll do! Instead of listing all the things I’m going to do from this moment on, I’m going to list all the things I’m never going to do! I’ve always been unconventional (too unconventional if you ask my parents but I’ll save that account for later). I mentally begin to make my list of nevers. -I am never going to marry for money like Natasha just did. -I am never going to doubt my abilities again. -I am never going to… as I try to decide exactly what to resolve I spot an older lady wearing a bright red velvet churidar kurta. Yuck! I immediately know what my next resolution will be; I will never wear velvet. Even if it does become the most fashionable fabric ever (a highly unlikely phenomenon)I am quite enjoying my resolution making and am deciding what to resolve next when I notice Az and Raghav holding hands and smiling at each other. In that moment I know what my biggest resolve should be. -I will never have feelings for my best friend’s boyfriend. Or for any friend’s boyfriend, for that matter. That’s four resolutions down. Six more to go? Why not? It is 2012, after all. If the world really does end this year, at least I’ll go down knowing I completed ten resolutions. I don’t need to look too far to find my next resolution. Standing a few centimetres away, looking extremely uncomfortable as Rags and Az get more oblivious of his existence, is Deepak. -I will never stay in a relationship with someone I don’t love, I vow. Looking for inspiration for my next five resolutions, I try to observe everyone in the room. What catches my eye next is my cousin Mishka giggling uncontrollably while failing miserably at walking in a straight line. Why do people get completely trashed in public? It’s just so embarrassing and totally not worth it when you’re nursing a hangover the next day. I recoil as memories of a not so long ago night come rushing back to me. I still don’t know exactly what happened that night but the fragments that I do remember go something like this; dropping my Blackberry in the loo, picking it up and wiping it with my new Mango dress, falling flat on my face in the middle of the club twice, breaking my Nine West heels, kissing an ugly stranger (Az insists he was a drug dealer but I think she just says that to freak me out) at the bar and throwing up on the Bandra-Worli sea link from Az’s car. -I will never put myself in an embarrassing situation like that again. Ever. I usually vow to never drink so much when I’m lying in bed with a hangover the next day (just like 99% of the world) but this time I’m going to stick to my resolution. What should my next resolution be?
— Anjali Kirpalani, Never Say Never
Roger that, Lieutenant. We're boots to the ground. You need firepower?"Walker shook his head at the man's enthusiasm. "No firepower necessary. We're using brains today, Cudahy. I know it may be a novel experience for you four, but it's a good time to start.
— Christina Skye, The Accidental Bride
You are my forever Chloe and today is just the beginning of great things to come for us. Without you in my life things would be empty. You honestly make me who I am. I’m a better man because of you
— T.H. Snyder, Touched by You
Nothing has or will ever be weird with us Derrick. Now that I’ve been touched by you things will never be the same.
— T.H. Snyder, Touched by You
The blues are intent and watchful. “You’re trying to get me to change my mind, aren't you?”“Lilah, I constantly hope that you are going to change your mind, but I know you well enough to know that you won’t.” I just nod at him.
— Anna Bloom
My darling Julie, I know you'll never see this letter, but it helps to write to you every day. It keeps you close to me. G-d, I miss you so. You haunt every hour of my life. I wish I'd never met you. No-I don't mean that! What good would my life be without my memories of you to make me smile. I keep wondering if you're happy. I want you to be. I want you to have a glorious life. That's why I couldn't say the things I knew you wanted to hear when we were together. I was afraid if I did, you'd wait for me for years. I knew you wanted me to say I loved you. Not saying that to you was the only unselfish thing I did in Colorado, and I now I regret even that. I love you, Julie. Christ, I love you so much. I'd give up all my life to have one year with you. Six months. Three. Anything. You stole my heart in just a few days, darling, but you gave me your heart, too. I know you did- I could see it in your eyes every time you looked at me. I don't regret the loss of my freedom any more or rage at the injustice of the years I spent in prison. Now, my only regret is that I can't have you. You're young, and I know you'll forget about me quickly and go on with your own life. That's exactly what you should do. It's what you must do. I want you to do that, Julie.That's such a lousy lie. What I really want is to see you again, to hold you in my arms, to make love to you over and over again until I've filled you so completely that there's no room left inside of you for anyone but me, ever. I never thought of sexual intercourse as 'making love' until you. You never knew that.....I wish I had time to write you a better letter or that I'd kept one of the others I've written so I could send that instead. They were all much more coherent than this one. I won't send another letter to you, so don't watch for one. Letters will make us both hope and dream, and if I don't stop doing that, I will die of wanting you.Before I go--I see from the newspapers that Costner has a new movie coming out in the States. If you dare to start fantasizing over Kevin after you see it, I will haunt you for the rest of your life.I love you, Julie. I loved in Colorado. I love you here, where I am. I will always love you. Everywhere. Always.
— Judith McNaught, Perfect
This was my love, her love --torn, damaged, broken, ripped apart and put back together. This was our tattered love.
— Lola Stark, Tattered Love
I want to discover every hidden secret of your body and a thousand ways to make you scream my name.
— Jennifer Probst, The Marriage Merger
I would praise the Lord above for a ticket to that ride.
— Lola Stark, Tattered Love
Well, I go wherever the ring takes me. Not because I’m a gold digger or anything; it’s more of a Lord of the Rings thing. This ring gives me powers. Though I’m totally going to lose it when my hair falls out and I start calling it ‘my precious.
— Cindi Madsen, Falling for Her Fiance
Look, I know you’re a guy—” “Damn straight.” “And there’s some man rule that you’ve got to be all macho—” “Rule number three, actually.” Both of her eyebrows shot up. “Would you just let me finish before I make you cry and break rule number three.
— Cindi Madsen, Falling for Her Fiance
My God, Mace was all man, the kind of man every warm-blooded woman would love to take home for the night, tie to her bed and let loose on. Sitting this close to him, my mind conjured up a long list of things I could do, just with my mouth.
— Lola Stark, Tattered Love
I do love you. I love you so much I can hardly breathe, and I don’t know how we’ll work everything out, but I want to. I’ve never wanted anything more.
— Cindi Madsen, Falling for Her Fiance
You don't understand. How could you? We were in the worst sort of hell. We weren't living day to day or even hour to hour. We survived minute by excruciating minute. The next day was an eternity away and we didn't want it. Death wasn't the enemy. It was our salvation.
— Maya Banks, Whispers in the Dark
Scarlett Garcia fell at the feet of no gloriously delicious man!
— Lola Stark, Tattered Love
In all fairness, darlin’, I should probably warn you that this ain’t my first rodeo.
— Cindi Madsen, Falling for Her Fiance
Beautyisn’t all about tooth whiteners, hard abs, and hundred-dollar lipstick. Beauty isabout growing old together, remembering when together, laughing together. If mypicture disgusts you, fine. Go look at the faces of women who named a price youcan buy them for. I’m not the kind of woman who will ever be for sale, and shameon you for not expecting more from a woman, or from yourself.
— Virginia Nelson, Sugar On Top
Bruiser stared in the mirror hanging in his locker and ran a comb through his blond hair, wishing he had dark hair like Harris, or a mean look like Zach, or even a guy-next-door like Derek. Hell no, he looked like a f***ing movie star and he f***ing hated it. –-Backfield in Motion
— Jami Davenport, Backfield in Motion
We don't always get what we want. And sometimes, when we do, it's not worth the price.
— Stephanie Lawton, Want
It just makes me realize how . . . fleeting life can be. How quickly it all passes by. And it's strange to read something written by someone whose life was really just beginning then but who's dead now."He nodded, looking like he was taking that in. But then he said, "That's kinda deep, Daisy."She laughed, rolled her eyes. "Well, you asked. So if that's too deep for you, tell me about your fish.""Well, they were small and blue and I feel emotional because their lives were really just starting but they're dead now.
— Toni Blake, Half Moon Hill
Okay, be serious. Aren't you ever afraid of anything?""Plenty of time," he said softly."Even when what you're afraid of defies all logic?""Especially then. It's been my experience that fear doesn't have a set of parameters. We can't turn it off just by realizing we shouldn't be afraid.
— Maya Banks, Hidden Away
His grip on my shoulder tightens. His other hand behind my head caresses me softly and I sigh."Touch me, Skye."His voice is rough, almost sounding like a groan.
— Stephanie Witter, Patch Up
If you want vampires and werewolves, faeries, fallen angels or zombies, you won't find them here. I know a real-life monster.
— Stephanie Lawton, Want
Dani had threatened to kill him. This must be the way she planned to do it. Her dark hair was down around her shoulders and she was wearing earrings that glittered in the sunlight. The purple dress she had on showed off her toned legs and hugged her curves. The supply of oxygen to his brain cut off, and he was pretty sure his heart had stopped a couple of beats ago.
— Cindi Madsen, Falling for Her Fiance
If it's to be, it's up to me.to which I add;If not now...then when?
— Andrew Toynbee, A Construct of Angels
Bet you've never had a bear down your pants before. Though I'm kind of a bear in bed. (Rick from Back to Basics)
— Erin McCarthy, Back to Basics
Maybe I shouldn't trust him after all, just like he doesn't seem to trust me fully. Shit, is it always so hard to get close to someone?
— Stephanie Witter, Patch Up
You are so much more than I could have ever wished for. ~ Cate Mullen
— Chris Kuhn, The Muse Unlocked
It was no way to think about her best friend’s boyfriend. But every time she saw Andy, her body reacted. My gaydar is defective, she thought grimly.
— Virginia Nelson, Clothing Optional
With a shudder of excitement, and without giving herself a moment to second-guess what she was about to do, she reached up to take his face in her hands and pressed her lips to his. For a frozen moment he didn’t react, and she could feel her heart thudding in her throat, but then he groaned into her mouth and pulled her tightly against him. And God, he was a good kisser. She’d certainly never been kissed with such expertise. Somehow he was making her feel the kiss in places he wasn’t even touching.And then she stopped thinking.
— Claire Baxter, Flirting with Danger
But then he combs his fingers through my hair, starting at the base of my neck, and I shiver with uncontrollable, unexpected pleasure.
— Primula Bond
Give me a chance, Gracie. I’m not a monster. I’m not going to hurt you. All I want to do is to make you scream with pleasure. To know each and every inch of your body. I will make you forget the pain you’ve been through and create beautiful memories for you with me.” - Luke Bryce, Be Mine
— Isobelle Cate
You are my favorite thing to do. ~ Oliver Sand
— Chris Kuhn, The Muse Unlocked
Sometimes I wish I could sneak a peek into that mind of yours and see what you’re thinking. Especially when you smile at me like that. ~ Oliver Sand
— Chris Kuhn, The Muse Unlocked
I promise to keep my hands to myself. I'm too exhausted to make a move on you.
— Faith Sullivan, Come What May
You're it for me, Katie. You're my world now.
— Faith Sullivan, Heartbeat
Because I was there that day, and so were you.
— Faith Sullivan, Unexpected
I'm going to make you come harder and longer than you ever have before, baby, and I'm going to feel every shudder, every ripple of that orgasm as it rips through you because I am going to be right here holding tight to you, buried deep inside you. And, Nikki, I'm not ever letting go.
— J. Kenner, Complete Me
You've done proper already, and it hasn't worked. It's time you do dirty.
— Jennifer Probst, The Marriage Merger
I want a man that will do what he needs to do to take care of his family. I will give that man every ounce of love and support I have to give. I will never measure him against another man. I will never want what other people have. I will simply enjoy every minute we have together.
— Destin Bays, True Love
I’m still waiting for something, searching for something I cannot describe.”“It’s called true love. Most people never find it.
— Destin Bays, True Love
You know, when I looked into your eyes at the theater, I was stunned. Nothing like that has ever happened to me. And when I saw you in that gold dress, at the restaurant, I knew you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. You were glowing. But right now, in my bed, naked and undone,” he paused, leaning forward to kiss me softly on the lips. “You are perfect. I never want you any other way.
— Jessica Hawkins, Come Undone
I mean, I don’t want to pass judgment—I just wish my husband didn’t shoot deer.”“Oh, Mel, don’t worry. I’ve been hunting with your husband—the deer are completely safe.
— Robyn Carr, Virgin River
When your child comes home to talk about life, what could be more important?
— Destin Bays, True Love
Damn you’ve got an irresistible mouth. You should hold it against me more often.” ~Luke, Kissing the Maid of Honor
— Robin Bielman, Kissing the Maid of Honor
Another flash of recognition sped through her mind. It’s him, her thoughts whispered through the fog of arousal. And she wanted to know who he was. What else he could do for her. What he’d feel like inside her. What he would unleash within her.
— Justine Dell, Recaptured Dreams
Cooper’s been married in his head for a while now.”“That’s… kinda sweet.
— Robyn Carr, The Hero
At this moment, I am obscenely happy. Please don’t screw this up or dump me or cheat on me or divorce me.”“All right,” he said.
— Robyn Carr, The Hero
If there isn’t some sort of rule about annoying kid brothers growing up to be walking, talking sex, there should be. ~Carly
— H.B. Heinzer, Breaking the Rules
Olivia, I’ll put on a show in front of your friends, at your work, whenever we’re in public. But I’m growing tired of pretending when we’re alone. Don’t tempt me.
— Jessica Hawkins, Come Undone
Big surprise, I put you to sleep. Don’t feel bad. It happens all the time.
— Robyn Carr, The Newcomer
You should get a better boyfriend. One with an IQ higher than a turnip.
— Robyn Carr, The Newcomer
Xavier had thought he was in paradise before. He’d been wrong. Sophia was more than paradise. She was the very reason he breathed.
— Justine Dell, Recaptured Dreams
He shivered beneath her touch, and his jaw clenched. It pleased her. Her longing rose to the surface, and an unfamiliar emotion overcame her. It swam beneath her skin, lighting little flickers of recognition. It was the same heat—the same feeling—that had made her run the night before. Not this time, though. This time she would own it. Embrace it. Ride it. Enjoy it.
— Justine Dell, Recaptured Dreams
It was her. No one had eyes like that. Eyes as pure as the sky on a fresh, wintery morning. Ones that sucked him in and refused to let go. No one had her touch. Feather light and warm. A touch that sizzled his insides and brought him to his knees.And no one had that pure, simple, cherry-vanilla scent. The sweetness that was only her, like she was a dessert made just for him. To lick, nibble, and enjoy.
— Justine Dell, Recaptured Dreams
A smile curled the corner of Xavier’s mouth. “You didn’t think I would let her walk out of my arms without knowing I would see her again soon, did you?”Bryant shrugged. “Well, no. I guess not. What are you going to do now?”The lid of the case slammed shut, and Xavier jerked his vibrating phone back out of his pocket. “Well, as soon as I get these fires extinguished, I’m going to go start one with her.”Bryant laughed. “After this long, that’ll be one hell of a raging inferno.”“I hope so.
— Justine Dell
He was a Marine, for heaven's sake! He knew how to kill a man with his bare hands. He'd been shot and stabbed and nearly died. He'd faced down evil in its purest form; met the Grim Reaper and spit in his eye. None of that had prepared him for this - facing the wrath of the woman he loved and knowing that wrath was justified.
— Jane Rainwater, Red Hats & Renegades
Why are you looking at me? His eyes search mine for several long seconds before he holds contact and whispers, " Because I like your face.
— Mia Sheridan, Leo
Love is like air, babe. It's there all the time, and you don't even think about it,or you take it for granted. Then all of a sudden, you need it, or you can't breathe. You inhale, and for the first time you're aware it's keeping you alive. You feel it brush your skin all the time. Sometimes it's warm and other times it's cool, but it's there surrounding you, feeding you, holding you. When you finally realize it's love, you become vulnerable. With that new fear of not having air, you subconsciously allow someone special to breathe life for you.
— Debra Kayn, Breathing His Air
I died for a short while the first time we met
— Charlotte V. Howard, Seven Dirty Words
Maybe that’s why I was so afraid of Sasha’s love. With him comes the remembering part that I was so good at forgetting.~Piper - 'Breathe Me
— Alexia Purdy, Breathe Me
Blake smiled while greeting him and turned to introduce me to his friend from Camp Lejeune. Blake made the formal introductions while I studied the two distinguished men. I liked the way they both carried themselves in a dignified manner with confidence, but not too much that they seemed arrogant. I was fascinated by them. Sleek. Forget eye candy. These two are like eye caffeine. I feel energized just looking at them.
— Debra  Kay
You make velocity look good.
— Melissa Cutler, Tempted into Danger
Something tells me there’s more than one shaman in Vegas who performs weddings. I think we’re better off intercepting them at the fight.”“But they could be getting married right now!” Ivy protested, falling into a double-time step to keep up with his pace.“Lucky we’re in Vegas, then. They have quickie divorces to go with their quickie weddings.
— Linda Morris, By Hook or By Crook
Thats' Right, Chlo. I want you so Much you make me shake in my f...... pants. I'm obsessed with you with where you are and what to do and who the f... you're with T want to bury myself inside you so deep I won't ever want to pull out.
— Red Garnier, Claimed by Him
You can donate marrow for her, Alice Faye, you can’t cure her. You can win a poker tournament, but that won’t make her want to live. So I’ll ask you again: Who are you, and what are you doing here? Because Munny sure doesn’t want you to be her, and she wants someone to be out in the world living since she’s got the market cornered on dying right now.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I slump in my chair, thinking how a narcotic party of one is no party at all.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Aw, you’re nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
If you ever pull a switcheroo like that again, Dee, I’m going to offer your boyfriend ten thousand dollars to make out with Alice for two minutes.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I think it would be prudent to advise you that due to extraordinary circumstances beyond our control, the original plan we had for participating in and extending the duration of the IPT Main Event has been drastically altered, specifically as it pertains to certain individuals competing—
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
She was partial to the tie. Not too long ago he did unspeakable things to her with that tie.
— Melissa Cutler, Cowboy Justice
I want to kiss my brother for being so tactful. Rabbit looks grateful as well, and I can only imagine what it would be like to trot out your embarrassing 'enjo kosai' problem in front of your sister, your former love-interest of a couple of weeks, and her two siblings.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Souris says you wanted to see me, so here I am. Talk quick before I decide to beat the shit out of you and throw your bloody carcass back across the International Date Line.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
As you know, the International Poker Tour, by its own admission, knows very little about poker games, one of which ended tragically last week when an IPT-sanctioned tournament aboard a yacht in Australia accidentally used tarot cards instead of playing cards. That’s right, it’s true! Apparently no one noticed until someone laid down a full house and the dealer died.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Hey, I’m an art lover,” protested Ramirez. “I love Thomas Kinkade. Painter of Light, you know what I’m sayin’?”Beverly’s smile froze. “Yes, quite.
— Linda Morris, By Hook or By Crook
Faye, if you got eaten by another shark, would you please at least have the decency to say so? My time is kind of limited, if you know what I’m sayin’.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Well, you played me, Rabbit. You played me, and it worked, and I’m not the kind of person to make the same mistake twice. Your whole life is a game, but you know what? I already have a life. Poker’s nothing to me but a goddamn deck of cards.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Turns out making a dramatic exit is a lot harder when you have to stand there and wait another twenty minutes for a boat to dock.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Enjoy your little run because there’s no way you get off this boat without her trying to slice your Achilles in half.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
And just so you know—that winter forest we walked into first? That was from Through the Looking Glass too. Hey, if you’re going to saddle me with the blame for your overconsumption, at least get the book right.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Wait, and you had to ask him if Faye’s in danger? IF? Okay, first of all, I’m just going to admit that I didn’t know Japan had a Mafia, but I also didn’t know they got a Disney World. If someone gets an invitation from the Mafia, I’d say there’s potential for a bit of danger, wouldn’t you? I mean, am I the only one here who saw Goodfellas?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
He realized with sudden clarity that the power axis in a conflict shifted once your adversary had heard you plead for divine intervention while her hands and mouth and body brought you to screaming climax on her kitchen table.
— Jane Rainwater, Red Hats & Renegades
Right, 'the Queen of Hearts.' Sounds to me like you’re just one bitch in a whole pack of cards, baby.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
The words ‘drink me’ come to mind. Anyone besides me up for some heavy alcohol consumption?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Oh, Alice, you haven’t even had a taste of my romantic streak yet. And when the time’s right I don’t think I’ll have to ‘try’ to have my way with you. I just WILL.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
My help—it’s not a light switch you can turn on and off. My help starts right now, and after this point you don’t get to tell me that you don’t want it anymore. Understand? You had a chance to walk away, Alice, and you didn’t take it. Now it’s time to play the game.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Have you thrown ‘Why is a raven like a writing desk?’ at her yet?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
For someone named Alice, you’re really not all that up on your Wonderland trivia.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Just keep it simple, Alice Faye. Remember how you taught yourself. Nothing’s different just because you’re on a yacht, or wearing a fancy dress. Or because you appear to have dropped acid and are now in the mirror room at the fun house.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I look around briefly at the other players like I always do before a game. Other than Queenie, Bill, and Talon, I don’t know any of them (and I don’t care enough about them to know them). But if there’s going to be any cordiality, any forced politeness or ‘Aw, shucks, let’s all just try to have a good time here tonight’ kind of blather, then now’s the time to get it out of the way before I get down to the business of screwing everyone out of their hopes and dreams.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
You know what they say, Queenie: ALWAYS bet like you have a pair.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Pretty great view. You think they’d do something about the sharks.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Turns out rolling your eyes in a bar when ‘Land Down Under’ plays is like someone belching during the Star Spangled Banner in America.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Oh, yeah, that goatee is really unattractive. That definitely belongs on a much fatter man.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Are you saying that you need an attorney? For what? As far as I know, being a dick isn’t against the law in any country.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I don’t need to look at your primal, white-hot, mutant pirate eyes, big guy. Just forget that I’m there, and I’ll try to block out the fact that I ever met you. Basically we’ll just act like we do every day.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Are you referring to the day you instructed me to ‘follow the white rabbit,’ plied me with absinthe and brownies, and tried to have your way with me? Didn’t take long for you to lose your romantic streak, did it?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Didn’t you read the invitation? There’s going to be a game in a little while--the big Twister game in an hour. Make sure you eat plenty of bread.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Oh, and Mr. Montgomery? I think I counted about four dozen important-sounding words and almost no substance at all in that explanation. I don’t think you should close the door on your diplomatic career entirely.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Don’t worry, little bunny, we only use our triplet telepathic powers for good.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Uh-oh, I hope he doesn’t start rattling off dirty limericks next; she’ll probably burn the hotel down.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Alice, I am the game, and trust me: you don’t want to play me.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Would you like to hear about the fascinating things lizards can do if you chew off their tails?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Remember that rabbit-proof fencing you told me about? You get that at a hardware store or is it special order?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
So…while we’re sitting here on this luxury yacht enjoying our bread and water, why doesn’t someone tell me the plan?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I made sure to brush my teeth as soon as I was able. I even asked for a hair tie to pull my long, blood-red hair into a twist at the nape of my neck so I wouldn’t have that 'freshly hospitalized' look.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Well, Faye, dear, I’m sure Harlow’s sorry she didn’t think to ask if you’d been eaten by a shark. That’s totally on her.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
By the way, don’t thank me for saving you, thank the lifeguards. If it was up to me, I would’ve just carried you off to the building by the boardwalk that said SURGERY. I’m sorry, but there’s a big difference between a family doctor treating you for the sniffles, and a guy who actually owns and knows how to use an operating table.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I think I can say with confidence that it’s a lot funnier if you haven’t actually been attacked by a shark.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Are we turning back? Because if you’re just trying to solve my post-traumatic stress problem by exposing me to rock sharks until I’m desensitized, trust me—that ship has sailed.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
That’s exactly where they send entry-level diplomats. After you cut your teeth on a few civil wars and a famine or two, you might get lucky and be given a plum post somewhere in the SECOND World.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
You know what Munny said to me, right before we left? She said, ‘Watching someone die is hard work. Go to Australia and watch Faye fall in love with some dude named Rabbit. That should be fun.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I think it should be obvious by now that I’m not necessarily interested in reality.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Don’t be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don’t travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I don’t think I heard the same ending you did. Maybe you should tell it again.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Let’s put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isn’t bringing you the kind of gratification you were hoping for, then I think I found the perfect job for you.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Well, the gondola operator—whose name was ‘Happy,’ I might add—failed to inform me that about sixty seconds into the trip, the floor under the section of car I was standing on was going to slide away.Turns out it was a really useful way of finding out which of the passengers suffers from acute acrophobia.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I am commanding you, as an older and wiser brother, to get over here, get on this caterpillar, and ride to the top of this mushroom with me.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
You’re in the country of the kangaroo and the duck-billed platypus, and you’re asking ‘why is it a mushroom? Because it just IS.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I’m not sure a real man would smoke something that sounds like a mixed drink ice cream cone.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Well then, I guess I’m man enough to admit that I’m trying to get in touch with my inner bitch.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Who are you? Rabbit and Souris call you ‘Alice,’ me and Dee call you ‘Faye.’ I just didn’t know if ‘Alice’ was your poker-playing, Southern Hemisphere name or what. Hey, I’m just trying to fit in here. If I should be introducing myself as ‘Clark,’ I want to know about it sooner rather than later so I don’t embarrass myself.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Okay, so English settlers brought rabbits with them to Australia to breed for food and stuff, right? But they escaped and basically started destroying the country, eating the vegetation, that kind of thing. So by the early 1900s, the government was trying to figure out a way to get rid of all the rabbits. Want to hear what their genius plan was? The rabbit-proof fence. Worked out great for the rabbits. Once they learned how to play badminton and got the hang of tennis on grass, they couldn’t remember how they ever lived without it. Supposedly there was something like six hundred million rabbits by 1950. But you’re missing the point. The point is that even though it was pretty obvious from the beginning it wasn’t working, they kept right on building it—two thousand miles of it.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
You keep right on building that fence, Faye. See what good it does you.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Fun fact: You may hug koalas in the Australian state of New South Wales, but not in Queensland. So…if you didn’t hug your koala nice and tight before you got here to Sydney, you’re going to be shit out of luck until we go back to Surfer’s Paradise.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I hear they’re all infected with chlamydia, which just goes to show that you really can’t tell who’s got the clam. I mean, look at a picture of a koala…tell me you’re not shocked.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
In any other fabric of space-time, my brother would have picked up Dee’s venereal disease-infested koala punt and run it straight down the line of vulgarity, all the way to the touchdown of tastelessness.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Did the Ancient Greeks ever write anything funny—like slapstick? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of well-written physical comedy.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
After one and a half cocktails, finding the appropriate response is a bit of a challenge. I finally say, 'Thank you for inviting me,' and leave the less desirable 'Want to play strip poker?' in the unscrupulous part of my brain where it belongs.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Speaking of your eyeballs, dear brother,I overheard some girls talking about you in the restroom at the tournament hotel. Apparently rumor now has it that you won’t allow anyone to see your eyes—ever. In fact, according to this knowledgeable source, you even sleep and shower with your glasses on in case someone unexpectedly walks in...one of them said she’d seen your eyes for herself two years ago and could only describe them as 'ferocious and roving,’ and ‘burning white-hot with a primal, raw wildness.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Okay then, I suppose you get a pass on poker intimidation for the glasses, little brother. But everyone else is wearing them at the tables too, and they’re all just sitting there, looking all serious, like they’re birthing the Grand Theory of Everything.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
This is from the queen? And you say it’s for a mouse? I’m sorry, sir, but the Pyramid Hotel doesn’t allow any pets except for service animals.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Did you forget a dentist appointment or something, big guy? Where the hell did you hop off to?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that 'Alice Faye picked a peck of pepper for the poor, piping pig in the purple poke.' Wait—is that not what we’re talking about here?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
What if it’s a shy fish? Is that a 'coy koi?' What? Don’t hate me because I’m asking the important questions.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
He’s a guy. We’re easy and stupid. Just go bat your eyes at him and beg for forgiveness. It’ll take five minutes…three if you wear something low-cut.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel when I’m around you: confused, but still satisfied.' I freeze, trying to figure out how to cancel it out and replace it with something that sounds a whole lot less like sex and a candy bar ad.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I brought you out here because I wanted to share a sunrise with you, and maybe even a sunset. I wanted to see how much I could kiss you between now and the time we dock tomorrow. And if I was really lucky, I was hoping I could lie with you until you fell asleep, until I couldn’t stay awake anymore. And in the morning, we’d wake up, and we’d be together, just like this.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Follow me down, Alice Faye Dahl. I know the way.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Alice, winning means manipulation. It means taking people—people who may have helped you in the past, even people you care about—and using them without hesitation or regret. It means making decisions that would be viewed by any normal-thinking human being as cynical at best and dishonorable at worst
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I believe the phrase you’re looking for is ‘too much money and not enough things to spend it on.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
The question is: will I get used to a menu with kilojoules instead of calories? I mean, I don’t think anyone even knows how many kilojoules are in a calorie. I had to break out a whiteboard this morning and do calculus just to figure out how many calories were in a glass of water Down Under.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Hey, any idea why Australians speak something that sounds deceptively like English but isn’t? I mean, I’m trying to figure out why I can’t seem to converse with another human being who speaks the same language as I do.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Do you ever answer anything in a way that people expect you to?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I believe it went like this—and stop me if I’m wrong, Mousey: ‘Listen, we may not be our own continent and everything, but we have a big country over in America too.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
So you went back to your friend’s next donkament two weeks later, and this time you just laughed right along when they gave you that framed picture of the poker hands. And when they called you ‘pigeon,’ ‘fish,’ and ‘muppet,’ you just smiled and batted your eyes and said stupid things like ‘Does a straight beat a crooked?’ And while everyone else was throwing a party, you just sat there acting like a tourist with your kill stack until you were in the money. Those poor dills…they didn’t know what hit ‘em, did they?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Alice, you might be the product of the biggest ball of ignorance, confidence, and good fortune the universe has ever manufactured. But if you’re thinking that you can take your results at the virtual tables and your grand tactic of Ignorance Is Bliss, and make that work for the Main Event, forget it—it WON'T.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Alice? You didn’t get this far without realizing that you don’t have to cheat to win. You just have to accept that people are easily manipulated.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Once the principals in their party are seated, with those lower on the totem pole left to grumble and move on to find another table, our once-cozy booth transforms into a damp fusion of vacuous wretchedness, with the three women all complaining alternately about their wet hair/clothes and their respective distance from Talon, while the man himself is trying to maneuver his Paul Bunyan frame way too close to me.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
No thanks…Dodo, was it? I don’t know if I can watch you have performance problems twice in ten days.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Suddenly, the giant, three-headed dog that guards the entrance to the Underworld appears next to her—sans two of its heads—and sits down. As a child, we had a neighbor with a Great Dane, and I know they’re about three feet tall at the shoulder. Allow another twelve inches for their T-Rex-sized heads, and you’ve got a dog that this woman could throw a saddle on and ride like a pony.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
For the first time, there’s no barrier between us and we make eye contact. All of a sudden, I feel like the character in Raiders of the Lost Ark—the one who watches in horror as the wispy, beautiful angels floating from the Ark of the Covenant morph into howling, homicidal demons. You know, right before he melts like a cheap candle.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I’ll get you and your little dog too?’ You say your girl can’t pay me back? Believe me when I say that that little gift’s just gonna keep right on giving.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Alice, it took big, dumb Talon Dodo thirty seconds to get you so pissed about a poker hand pun that you were about to beat him to death with your cane.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
The car doesn’t so much drive as float above the road, like we’re making our way to Sydney in a hovercraft.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
When some smart ass asks you if you’re driving, you say, 'Nope, just kicking the tires.’ You have to make sure you actually kick them all on your way around to the passenger side. Otherwise it’s like lying.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
If one more person tells me how big this country is, I’m going to go kick a koala.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
How was I supposed to know ‘lucked out’ means ‘I got screwed over’ in Australian?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Yeah, well, when they say ‘You know it’s a long way, don’t you?’ what they really mean is: ‘You know it’d be faster if you just rode a kangaroo, don’t you?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
...once I realized that Australia’s top highway speed of 110 kilometers per hour was the same as going 65 in the U.S., all my hardened American enthusiasm for speed went limp until it felt like the car was hardly moving at all. Even worse, most stretches of the highway are restricted to 60 kilometers per hour, which is how fast Americans go when we’re, like, passing a stopped school bus disembarking small children, or driving through a herd of puppies in the road.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Congratulations, Mousey, you’ve managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I don’t know what this is for anyway. I mean, let me tell you what I’m never going to say to any human being, ever: ‘I had hunting season off-suit in the pocket, but I've had kicker trouble with that hand often enough to fold it.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Seriously, what is the purpose? Maybe I’d feel better about walking around speaking fluent jive if I knew there was a reason for it.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I like it because when people use a lot of poker lingo, it usually means they’ve been playing the game for a while. Which is why I immediately avoid those people.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
So ‘fatal’ only kills you two out of three times these days? That’s good to know.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Australians are descended from a boatload of English convicts, right? So two hundred years in isolation at the bottom of the planet is plenty of time for the language to evolve into some sort of double-speak prison slang.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I’m good at being vague and unpredictable. It’s sort of a hard habit to break.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Oh, I have plenty of problems with Rabbit, it’s just that my comfort level with his name is standing in line behind about a hundred more important things.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I don’t think Australians ever use a couple of words when twenty will do just fine.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
How do you tactfully spin the term “man-whore” to someone’s sister?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Now see, if it were me, I wouldn’t have led with that. I would’ve gone with something like ‘G’day’ or ‘Wow, aren’t you a little hottie?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Did you think your boyfriend was going to stick around and watch you do THAT? If we weren’t related, I would’ve left too. Actually…is it already too late for me to leave?
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
You dance?”“I think that might be overly optimistic,” he said. “I do something. I’ll try not to hurt you.
— Robyn Carr, Virgin River
Honey, I have a feeling he doesn’t think of you as a friend. Have you seen the way he looks at you?”She glanced at him and as if he could feel her gaze, he turned his eyes on her. Soft and hard all at once. “Yeah,” Mel said. “He promised to stop doing that.
— Robyn Carr, Virgin River
That’s the thing you girls never get. It doesn't matter if you just woke up, or just got done bawling, or just finished your make-up. When a guy’s all love-sick over a chick, she looks exactly the same to him all the time: perfect.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
My butt has a maximum drive time of seven hours.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
You’re a good date,” he said.“You thought of it as a date?”He nodded. “From the beginning.
— Robyn Carr, The Wanderer
I’ll always be your friend,” he said. “Your best friend, if you let me. But I want to be your lover, too.” He groaned and shifted in his chair. “Soon. I want to be that soon.” Then a look came over him. “Oh Gina…I didn’t even court you! God, I should date you first before I beg you to take off your clothes!
— Robyn Carr, The Wanderer
I’m busy trying not to look like anything edible.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
First, I’d like to point out that I didn’t use ‘one of mine.’ You refused to let me pay for my ice cream cone with a good ol’ fashioned credit card, and you forced your pretend money on me. Secondly, I can’t take any currency seriously that looks like it belongs in a psychedelic-inspired Special Edition Monopoly box.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Don’t make me Alice-nap you, Alice. Because you know I can carry you.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Basic economic theory. People behave differently based on how much they think something’s worth. Because everyone got their chips for free, people made huge bets on every hand—no matter what they were holding. People who play with everything on the line—for real—don’t act like that.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I use the word “man” loosely. A better description would be “the most beautiful specimen of Homo sapiens sapiens with a set of XY chromosomes to grace the planet Earth at this moment, or any other era, epoch, or age in history.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
The line from Pulp Fiction—the one Samuel L. Jackson shouts at John Travolta as they’re trying to wash blood off their hands—pops into my head: 'I used the same soap you did and when I dried my hands, the towel didn't look like no fuckin’ maxi-pad!' I almost—almost—share this most quotable of cinematic quotes with him, when I remember it contains The Word. You know: 'maxi-pad.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
When she reaches down to touch his shoulder—a gesture only a few species and a million or so years removed from lifting a leg and marking him as her territory with a stream of urine—enough bracelets and bangles to lay track across the Australian Outback slide down her arm and come to a jangling stop at her wrist.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Do you really think I’d let him call my sister a ‘bitch?’ Or you for that matter? Talon Hawk’s dumb, but he’s smarter than that…he’d be crawling around on his hands and knees picking his teeth off the tiles.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Like your sweet, affectionate house cat, Alice Dahl is easy to underestimate. It’s not until the songbirds in the yard show up eviscerated on the front porch that you realize you should’ve kept that bell collar on her—because those poor birds never even saw her coming.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I’m almost afraid to tell you. Let’s put it this way: clean toilets are the least of your problems in this country.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
I’ve found that lifting the lid with your foot is the most thorough and least gross path to two minutes of peace of mind.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
. I’ve watched about a dozen tourists almost get hit by cars since I’ve been here. I barely made it to the beach alive the other day. I mean, no one knows what they’re doing. They swing their heads back and forth like they’re mounted on a door hinge, but they don’t even know what they’re looking for, not really. Cars just come at you from all sorts of unnecessary directions here, and we’re all probably going to get killed.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland
Because trying to think of how to ask a woman you’ve known for exactly two days if she’d be willing to get into a car with you and take a road trip across the country was something I hadn’t quite worked up to yet.
— Elle Lothlorien, Alice in Wonderland