c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
My mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either "yes" or "help".Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions.Finally he stepped forward."Hi, I'm Paul Blofis."Poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand."Blowfish, did you say?""Ah, no. Blofis, actually.""Oh, I see," Poseidon said. "A shame. I quite like blowfish. I am Poseidon.""Poseidon? That's an interesting name.""Yes, I like it. I've gone by other names, but I do prefer Poseidon.""Like the god of the sea.""Very much like that, yes""Well!" My mother interrupted. "Um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is Percy's father.""Ah." Paul nodded, though he didn't look real pleased. "I see."Poseidon smiled at me. "There you are, my boy. And Tyson, hello, son!""Daddy!" Tyson [shouted]...Paul's jaw dropped. He stared at my mother. "Tyson is...""Not mine," she promised. "It's a long story.
— Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth
My name is Percy Jackson. I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.Am I a troubled kid?Yeah. You could say that.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief
You so need to lighten up about that potato-launcher incident," Butch said.Phury rolled his eyes and eased back in the banquette. "You broke my window.""Of course we did. V and I were aiming for it.""Twice.""Thus proving that he and I are outstanding marksmen.
— J.R. Ward, Lover Unbound
Jace's eyes sparkled, but he said calmly, "Not at all. the Silent Brothers can help her retrieve her memories.""You hate the Silent Brothers," protested Isabelle."I don't hate them," said Jace candidly."I'm afraid of them. It's not the same thing.""I thought you said they were libarians," said Clary."They are librarians."Simon whistled. "Those must be some killer late fees.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
Curiouser and curiouser.
— Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
— Groucho Marx
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
— George Bernard Shaw, Immaturity
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
— Dorothy Parker
From behind Lissa, I heard Christian say, "Worst. Timing. Ever." Adrian studied Lissa and then looked at Christain sprawling on the bed on the far side of the suite. "Huh," Adrian said, letting himself in. "So that's how you're going to fix the family problem. Little Dragomirs. Good idea." Christian sat up and strolled toward them. "Yeah, that's exactly it. You're interrupting official Council business.
— Richelle Mead, Last Sacrifice
You forget, darling. the local psychopath.
— Kelley Armstrong, Bitten
when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose.
— J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.
— Patricia Briggs, Moon Called
The covers of this book are too far apart.
— Ambrose Bierce
She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression.
— C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
Eragon looked back at him, confused. "I don't understand.""Of course you don't," said Brom impatiently. "That's why I'm teaching you and not the other way around.
— Christopher Paolini, Eragon
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
— Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
— George Carlin
I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
— Mark Twain, Tom Sawyer Abroad
Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigoi tonight. I mean, trapping that one between the doors really shouldn't have worked, so clearly you're on board. Let me get out of here, and I’ll...I don’t know. Donate Adrian’s money to the poor. Get baptized. Join a convent. Well, no. Not that last one.
— Richelle Mead, Blood Promise
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
— Dorothy Parker
Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.
— Pseudonymous Bosch, The Name of This Book Is Secret
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
— George Burns
They turned to Angel. "We will call you Little One," the leader said, obviously deciding to dispense with the whole confusing name thing."Okay," said Angel agreeably. "I'll call you Guy in a White Lab Coat." He frowned."That can be his Indian name," I suggested.
— James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
— Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
— Bill Watterson
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. Just thought you should know.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
Look at me!Look at me!Look at me NOW!It is fun to have funBut you have to know how.
— Dr. Seuss, The Cat in the Hat (Deluxe Edition)
So it's true. You can walk in sunlight. I thought perhaps it might have worn off.""If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Glass
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
— Herman Wouk
I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!
— Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
— Mark Twain
Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host.
— Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker
I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons.
— Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss
Look, did you ask me to come all the way uptown just so you could stare at me like I was something in a petri dish? Next time I'll send you a photo.""And I'll frame it and put it on my nightstand," said Jace.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Glass
Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
— David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. 
— Fran Lebowitz
Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said. 'One can't believe impossible things.'I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the shawl again!
— Lewis Carroll
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
— Orson Welles
I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on.
— Marissa Meyer, Cinder
We’ll never survive!” “Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.
— William Goldman, The Princess Bride
Can't stay long, Mother," he said. "I'm up front, the prefects have got two compartments to themselves-""Oh, are you a prefect, Percy?" said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. "You should have said something, we had no idea.""Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it," said the other twin. "Once-""Or twice-""A minute-""All summer-""Oh, shut up," said Percy the Prefect.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.” "That’s my girl.
— Emma Chase, Tangled
When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
— Erma Bombeck
So much good, so much evil. Just add water.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?""I give.""You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog.
— David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest
I know - I'll play you for it," Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors."Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed."Why don't you just tell me who wins?" Edward said wryly.Alice beamed. "I do. Excellent.
— Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn
Yeah? Can you draw a skeleton riding a motorcycle with flames coming out of it? And I want a pirate hat on the skeleton. And a parrot on his shoulder. A skeleton parrot. Or maybe a ninja skeleton parrot? No, that would be overkill. But it'd be cool if the biker skeleton could be shooting some ninja throwing stars. That are on fire.
— Richelle Mead, Bloodlines
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it.", May 16, 1767)
— Voltaire
Abe held my gaze a bit longer and then broke into an easy smile. ʺOf course, of course. This is a family gathering. A celebration. And look: hereʹs our newest member.ʺ Dimitri had joined us and wore black and white like my mother and me. He stood beside me, conspicuously not touching. ʺMr. Mazur,ʺ he said formally, nodding a greeting to both of them. ʺGuardian Hathaway.ʺ Dimitri was seven years older than me, but right then, facing my parents, he looked like he was sixteen and about to pick me up for a date. ʺAh, Belikov,ʺ said Abe, shaking Dimitriʹs hand. ʺIʹd been hoping weʹd run into each other. Iʹd really like to get to know you better. Maybe we can set aside some time to talk, learn more about life, love, et cetera. Do you like to hunt? You seem like a hunting man. Thatʹs what we should do sometime. I know a great spot in the woods. Far, far away. We could make a day of it. Iʹve certainly got a lot of questions Iʹd like to ask you. A lot of things Iʹd like to tell you too.ʺ I shot a panicked look at my mother, silently begging her to stop this. Abe had spent a good deal of time talking to Adrian when we dated, explaining in vivid and gruesome detail exactly how Abe expected his daughter to be treated. I did not want Abe taking Dimitri off alone into the wilderness, especially if firearms were involved. ʺActually,ʺ said my mom casually. ʺIʹd like to come along. I also have a number of questions—especially about when you two were back at St. Vladimirʹs.ʺ ʺDonʹt you guys have somewhere to be?ʺ I asked hastily. ʺWeʹre about to start.ʺ That, at least, was true. Nearly everyone was in formation, and the crowd was quieting. ʺOf course,ʺ said Abe. To my astonishment, he brushed a kiss over my forehead before stepping away. ʺIʹm glad youʹre back.ʺ Then, with a wink, he said to Dimitri: ʺLooking forward to our chat.ʺ ʺRun,ʺ I said when they were gone. ʺIf you slip out now, maybe they wonʹt notice. Go back to Siberia." notice. Don't worry, Roza. I'm not afraid. I'll take whatever heat they give me over being with you. It's worth it.
— Richelle Mead, Last Sacrifice
The human body is the best work of art.
— Jess C. Scott
I'm gonna kill him," Eve said, or at least that was what it sounded like filtered through the pillow.Stake him right in the heart, shove garlic up his ass, and-and-"And what?" (Michael)When did you get home?" Claire demanded.Apparently just in time to hear my funeral plans. I especially like the garlic up the ass. It's...different.
— Rachel Caine, Feast of Fools
Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
— Winston S. Churchill
I can talk to fish!" Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. "Ask one over for dinner," Fang said, joining us.
— James Patterson, School's Out—Forever
You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.
— Jeaniene Frost, One Foot in the Grave
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
— Groucho Marx
So that's little Scorpious. Make sure you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank god you've inherited your mother's brains.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.
— Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse
Everyone is a little crazy. The only difference between us and them is that they hide it better.
— Michelle Hodkin, The Evolution of Mara Dyer
I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them.
— Aleister Crowley, Moonchild
I feel like, like pudding," Iggy groaned. "Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain.
— James Patterson, The Angel Experiment
Wait," I said as Noah slipped a book from a shelf and headed toward the door. "Where are you going?""To read?"But I don't want you to. "But I need to go home," I said, my eyes meeting his. "My parents are going to kill me.""Taken care of. You're at Sophie's house."I loved Sophie."So I'm...staying here?""Daniel's covering for you."I loved Daniel."Where's Katie?" I asked, trying to sound casual."Eliza's house."I loved Eliza."And your parents?" I asked."Some charity thing."I loved charity."So why are you going to read when I'm right here?
— Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
You look lousy,' he said. Jace blinked. 'Seems an odd time to start an insult contest, but if you insist, I could probably think up something good.''No I mean it. You don't look good.''This is from a guy ho has all the sex appeal of a penguin. Look, I realize you may be jealous that the good Lord didn't deal you the same chiseled hand he dealt me, but that's no reason to-' 'I am not trying to insult you.' Simon snapped.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.
— Terry Pratchett, Mort
My kids are starting to notice I'm a little different from the other dads. "Why don't you have a straight job like everyone else?" they asked me the other day. I told them this story: In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, "Look at me...I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you...you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest." So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.
— Tom Waits
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
— Douglas Adams
Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?""You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
— Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes
Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.
— Terry Pratchett
I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?""Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything.""Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.""Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.
— Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
— Benjamin Franklin
How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding."The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr. Weasley.Everyone looked up at him."Why?" said Percy curiously."It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-""-for Humongous Bighead," said Fred.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
— W.C. Fields
I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.
— Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
— Woody Allen
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
— Bill Watterson
If you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison' it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later.
— Lewis Carroll
Astriola. That IS demon pox. You had evidence that demon pox existed and you didnt mention it to me! Et tu, Brute!' He rolled up the paper and hit Jem over the head with it.
— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully."Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever.""And he has Brain.""Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."There was a long silence."I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything.
— A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
What happened to your tan?"--Fang"It was dirt." --Max
— James Patterson, The Final Warning
I can only assume," said Jace, "that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
— Mark Twain
He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs…“Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “Uh, how do you—”Leo chuckled. “Man, you’ve never seen those before? There’s a simple trick to getting out.”Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.“Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.
— Conan O'Brien
Invisible things are the only realities.
— Edgar Allan Poe, Loss of Breath
By all means continue destroying my possessions. I daresay I have too many.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies.
— Tim Burton, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
No. Now, shut up and eat your pears.
— Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
The idea of being strong for someone else having never entered their heads, I find myself in the position of having to console them. Since I'm the person going in to be slaughtered, this is somewhat annoying.
— Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
— Bill Watterson
Before I could figure out how to apologize for being such an idiot, she tackled me with a hug, then pulled away just as quickly. "I'm glad you're not a guinea pig.""Me, too." I hoped my face wasn't as red as it felt.
— Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters
Look, if you wanted to be babied you should have asked Peeta.
— Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.
— George Carlin
A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.
— Lemony Snicket
For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.
— Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
— Paul McCartney
Poirot," I said. "I have been thinking.""An admirable exercise my friend. Continue it.
— Agatha Christie, Peril at End House
If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.
— Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code
What's that?" he snarled, staring at the envelope Harry was still clutching in his hand. "If it's another form for me to sign, you've got another -""It's not," said Harry cheerfully. "It's a letter from my godfather.""Godfather?" sputtered Uncle Vernon. "You haven't got a godfather!""Yes, I have," said Harry brightly. "He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy....
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
This is Annabeth,” Jason said. “Uh, normally she doesn't judo-flip people.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
— Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
— George Carlin, Napalm & Silly Putty
Soap?""School of America in Paris" he explains. "SOAP".Nice. My father sent me here to be cleansed.
— Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss
Jeez, Hazel," Percy said, "tell your horse to watch his language."Hazel tried not to laugh. "What did he say?""With the cussing removed? He said he can get us to the top."Frank looked incredulous. "I thought the horse couldn't fly!"This time Arion whinnied so angrily, even Hazel could guess he was cursing."Dude," Percy told the horse, "I've gotten suspended for saying less than that...
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune
You should try not to talk so much, friend. You'll sound far less stupid that way.- Breeze
— Brandon Sanderson, The Final Empire
Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt
— Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
Max, you're the last of the hybrids who still has...a soul.' ... 'She doesn't have soul,' Gazzy scoffed. 'Have you ever seen her dance?
— James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
I know that David Tennant's Hamlet isn't till July. And lots of people are going to be doing Dr Who in Hamlet jokes, so this is just me getting it out of the way early, to avoid the rush..."To be, or not to be, that is the question. Weeelll.... More of A question really. Not THE question. Because, well, I mean, there are billions and billions of questions out there, and well, when I say billions, I mean, when you add in the answers, not just the questions, weeelll, you're looking at numbers that are positively astronomical and... for that matter the other question is what you lot are doing on this planet in the first place, and er, did anyone try just pushing this little red button?
— Neil Gaiman
If I'm walking on thin ice, I might as well dance my way across.
— Mercedes Lackey
I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?""Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple.""But...you did something nice. Why?"He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed?
— Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth
You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.
— Orson Welles
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
— Steve Martin
Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted.Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly.Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-""She's drunk," said Jace, beginning to turn away in disgust.I'm not," Isabelle said indignantly. "Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point. The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks- I told him not to, but he didn't listen- and he turned into a rat.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
Great, tell me when you've defeated Voldemort for me, will you?
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.
— Joss Whedon
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
— Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.
— Winston S. Churchill
I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red.
— Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian
Look on the bright side," said Simon, "If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I'm not sure the rest of you qualify anyway.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
— Mae West
I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.
— Flannery O'Connor, The Habit of Being: Letters of Flannery O'Connor
Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.
— Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.
— Mary Ann Shaffer, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
I said hello to the poodle.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief
Bravo," said Grimalkin, peering down from Cold Tom's chest. "The Winter prince and Oberon's jester agreeing on something. The world must be ending.
— Julie Kagawa, The Iron King
Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
— Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason
— Jerry Seinfeld
A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.
— Charlie Chaplin
Elend: I kind of lost track of time…Breeze: For two hours?Elend: There were books involved.
— Brandon Sanderson, The Well of Ascension
So why in the name of Merlin’s saggy left —”“Don’t talk to your mother like that.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
— Steven Wright
Well,” Tessa said, sighting along the line of the knife, “you behave as if you dislike me. In fact, you behave as if you dislike us all.”“I don’t,” Gabriel said. “I just dislike him.” He pointed at Will.“Dear me,” said Will, and he took another bite of his apple. “Is it because I’m better-looking than you?
— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
— George Carlin
Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?" Minho asked, pulling Thomas's attention away from Alby."Go ahead," Newt replied.Minho nodded and faced the crowd. "Be careful," he said dryly. "Don't die.
— James Dashner, The Maze Runner
What are you grinning at?" Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. "Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something? You look like we're both on the verge of an enormous joke.""Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke.
— Kristin Cashore, Graceling
You could start a fire with the heat between you two.""You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.
— Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
— David Sedaris, Naked
Then you're aping him. Valentine was one of the most arrogant and disrespectful men I've ever met. I suppose he brought you up to be just like him.""Yes," Jace said, unable to help himself, "I was trained to be an evil mastermind from a young age. Pulling the wings off flies, poisoning the earth's water supply — I was covering that stuff in kindergarten. I guess we're all just lucky my father faked his own death before he got to the raping and pillaging part of my education, or no one would be safe.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
It's okay," I said soothingly. "You're just getting your stride back. Once you're up to full power, I'll go crack a rib or something so we can test it."She groaned. "The horrible part is that I don't think you're joking.
— Richelle Mead, Shadow Kiss
It unscrews the other way.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.
— Cassandra Clare
Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!" He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write. Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
— Woody Allen
Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational.
— Charles M. Schulz
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.
— Alice Roosevelt Longworth
This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.
— Lemony Snicket, The Reptile Room
Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.
— G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy
The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.
— Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)
— Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
— Groucho Marx
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
— Ellen DeGeneres
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
— Erma Bombeck
Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.
— Marcus Tullius Cicero
Alas! Earwax!
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.
— Socrates
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
— P.G. Wodehouse
Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known.
— F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
What is it with you today?” says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face.“Oh, you know,” I say. “Sun shining. Birds chirping.”She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel.
— Veronica Roth, Divergent
You're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
— Joss Whedon
It has often been saidthere’s so much to be read,you never can cramall those words in your head.So the writer who breedsmore words than he needsis making a chorefor the reader who reads.That's why my belief isthe briefer the brief is,the greater the sighof the reader's relief is.And that's why your bookshave such power and strength.You publish with shorth!(Shorth is better than length.)
— Dr. Seuss
Nobody's ever asked me to a party before, as a friend. Is that why you dyed your eyebrow, for the party? Should I do mine too?
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly."I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more." than nothing." opinion," said Alice.
— Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
The love of books is among the choicest gifts of the gods.
— Arthur Conan Doyle
I've always thought people would find a lot more pleasure in their routines if they burst into song at significant moments.
— John Barrowman
You're a stalker with hooves.""I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.
— Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse
Blackjack," Percy said, "this is Piper and Jason. They're friends."The horse nickered."Uh, maybe later," Percy answered.Piper had heard that Percy could speak to horses, being the son of the horse lord Poseidon, but she'd never seen it in action."What does Blackjack want?" she asked."Donuts," Percy said. "Always donuts.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
You must admit I have a right to live in a pigsty if I want.
— Diana Wynne Jones, Howl's Moving Castle
Did you ever want to set someone's head on fire, just to see what it looked like? Did you ever stand in the street and think to yourself, I could make that nun go blind just by giving her a kiss? Did you ever lay out plans for stitching babies and stray cats into a Perfect New Human? Did you ever stand naked surrounded by people who want your gleaming sperm, squirting frankincense, soma and testosterone from every pore? If so, then you're the bastard who stole my drugs Friday night. And I'll find you. Oh, yes.
— Warren Ellis, Transmetropolitan, Vol. 5: Lonely City
Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!
— Roald Dahl
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
— Dorothy Parker
The Council agrees," Zeus said. "Percy Jackson, you will have one gift from the gods."I hesitated. "Any gift?"Zeus nodded grimly. "I know what you will ask. The greatest gift of all. Yes, if you want it, it shall be yours. The gods have not bestowed this gift on a mortal hero in many centuries, but, Perseus Jackson-if you wish it-you shall be made a god. Immortal. Undying. You shall serve as your father's lieutenant for all time."I stared at him, stunned. "Um...a god?"Zeus rolled his eyes. "A dimwitted god, apparently. But yes. With the consensus of the entire Council, I can make you immortal. Then I will have to put up with you forever.""Hmm," Ares mused. "That means I can smash him to a pulp as often as I want, and he'll just keep coming back for more. I like this idea.
— Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian
It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport.
— Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
Sane is boring.
— R.A. Salvatore
Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.
— Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Well, we were always going to fail that one," said Ron gloomily as they ascended the marble staircase. He had just made Harry feel rather better by telling him how he told the examiner in detail about the ugly man with a wart on his nose in the crystal ball, only to look up and realize he had been describing the examiner's reflection.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Take off your shirt."Jace raised his eyebrows. "I'm not going to attack you," she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning.""Are you sure?" he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls
FEAR stands for fuck everything and run.
— Stephen King, Doctor Sleep
I should never be left alone with my mind for too long.
— Libba Bray
They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well — you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.
— Bill Hicks
There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle."That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed."It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.
— Joseph Heller, Catch-22
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.
— Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to Conquer
Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
— Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything
I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse.""I am you Prince and you cannot refuse.""I am your loyal servant and I just did.""Refusal means death.""Kill me then.
— William Goldman, The Princess Bride
I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
— Bill Hicks
How is it possible to have a civil war?
— George Carlin
Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles
— Rowena Cherry, Knight's Fork
Student: Dr. Einstein, Aren't these the same questions as last year's [physics] final exam?Dr. Einstein: Yes; But this year the answers are different.
— Albert Einstein
Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or...""Or we'll die?" I guessed."Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes.""Let's avoid the swords," I decided.
— Rick Riordan
I heard the man and woman cry a warning as I frantically racked my brain for some sort of throat-repairing spell, which I was clearly about to need. Of course the only words that I actually managed to yell at the werewolf as he ran at me were, 'BAD DOG!'Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flash of blue light on my left. Suddenly, the werewolf seemed to smack into an invisible wall just inches in front of me...."You know," someone said off to my left, "I usually find a blocking spell to be a lot more effective than yelling 'Bad dog,' but maybe that's just me.
— Rachel Hawkins, Hex Hall
A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought.
— Richelle Mead, Last Sacrifice
What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.
— Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero
Reyna sent me to get Percy," Frank said. "Did Octavian accept you?""Yeah," Percy said. "He slaughtered my panda.
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune
I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine.
— Peter Ustinov
I quote others only in order the better to express myself.
— Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays
It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal.
— Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
How did you become blind, uh, Jeff is it?"Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened.
— James Patterson, School's Out—Forever
Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.
— Groucho Marx
Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets.
— Roald Dahl
We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.
— Terry Pratchett, Night Watch
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
— Woody Allen
...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.
— Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks... then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get. It's really not even fair to everyone else.
— Richelle Mead, The Fiery Heart
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
— Robin McLaurin Williams
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.
— Dr. Seuss
Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death.""Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-
— Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
You wanted to lick my face the first time you saw me? Is that usually what you do when you’re attracted to guys?” I shake my head. “Not your face, your dimple. And no. You’re the only guy I’ve ever had the urge to lick.” He smiles at me confidently. “Good. Because you’re the only girl I’ve ever had the urge to love.
— Colleen Hoover, Hopeless
This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or...""Repair boy.""Very funny, Piper.
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
— Terry Pratchett, Jingo
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.
— Harlan Ellison
Are you sleepwalking?' A voice asked behind me. "I was testing dorm security," I said. "It sucks.
— Richelle Mead, Shadow Kiss
Hermione launched herself forwards and started punching every inch of him that she could reach.'Ouch — ow — gerroff! What the — ? Hermione — OW!'“You — complete — arse — Ronald — Weasley!”She punctuated every word with a blow: Ron backed away, shielding his head as Hermione advanced.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
— Kurt Cobain
I couldn't believe I'd come this far, lost Tyson, suffered through so much, only to fail - stopped by a big stupid monster in a baby-blue tuxedo kilt. Nobody was going to swat down my friends like that! I mean...nobody, not Nobody. Ah, you know what I mean.
— Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters
I don't accept the currently fashionable assertion that any view is automatically as worthy of respect as any equal and opposite view. My view is that the moon is made of rock. If someone says to me 'Well, you haven't been there, have you? You haven't seen it for yourself, so my view that it is made of Norwegian Beaver Cheese is equally valid' - then I can't even be bothered to argue. There is such a thing as the burden of proof, and in the case of god, as in the case of the composition of the moon, this has shifted radically. God used to be the best explanation we'd got, and we've now got vastly better ones. God is no longer an explanation of anything, but has instead become something that would itself need an insurmountable amount of explaining. So I don't think that being convinced that there is no god is as irrational or arrogant a point of view as belief that there is. I don't think the matter calls for even-handedness at all.
— Douglas Adams
We could visit him," suggests Will. "But what would we say? 'I didn't know you that well, but I'm sorry you got stabbed in the eye'?
— Veronica Roth, Divergent
I'm Draco Malfoy, I'm Draco, I'm on your side!"Draco was on the upper landing, pleading with another masked Death Eater. Harry Stunned the Death Eater as they passed: Malfoy looked around, beaming, for his savior, and Ron punched him from under the cloak. Malfoy fell backward on top of the Death Eater, his mouth bleeding, utterly bemused."And that's the second time we've saved your life tonight, you two-faced bastard!" Ron yelled.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
You sneaked into my cabin?”Annabeth rolled her eyes. “Percy, you’ll be seventeen in two months. You can’t seriously be worried about getting in trouble with Coach Hedge.”“Uh, have you seen his baseball bat?”“Besides, Seaweed Brain, I just thought we could take a walk. We haven’t had any time to be together alone. I want to show you something—my favorite place aboard the ship.”Percy’s pulse was still in overdrive, but it wasn’t from fear of getting in trouble. “Can I, you know, brush my teeth first?”“You'd better,” Annabeth said. “Because I’m not kissing you until you do. And brush your hair while you’re at it.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
Erre es korakas, Blinky!" Dionysus cursed. "I will have your soul!
— Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian
Mythologically speaking, if there's anything I hate worse than trios of old ladies, it's bulls. Last summer, I fought the Minotaur on top of Half-Blood Hill. This time what I saw up there was even worse: two bulls. And not just regular bulls - bronze ones the size of elephants. And even that wasn't bad enough. Naturally they had to breathe fire, too.
— Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters
A great nose may be an indexOf a great soul
— Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac
Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren't missionaries."I opened my eyes wide. "No? Well, for God's sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the Lord's work and all.
— James Patterson, School's Out—Forever
The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it.
— Criss Jami
We have to be back in three hours," Ronan said. "I just fed Chainsaw but she'll need it again.""This," Gansey replied "is precisely why I didn't want to have a baby with you.
— Maggie Stiefvater, The Raven Boys
As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
— Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We’re supposed to be exercising.
— Meg Cabot, Big Boned
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
— Isaac Asimov
Think, think, think.
— A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
You're only a man! You've not our gifts! I can tell you! Why, a woman can think of a hundred different things at once, all them contradictory!
— Georgette Heyer, Powder And Patch
In life you'll meet a lot of jerks. If they hurt you, tell yourself that it's because they're stupid. That will help keep you from reacting to their cruelty. Because there is nothing worse than bitterness and vengeance... Always keep your dignity and be true to yourself.
— Marjane Satrapi, Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood