c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
What - what - what are you doing?" he demanded."I am almost six hundred years old," Magnus claimed, and Ragnor snorted, since Magnus changed his age to suit himself every few weeks. Magnus swept on. "It does seem about time to learn a musical instrument." He flourished his new prize, a little stringed instrument that looked like a cousin of the lute that the lute was embarrassed to be related to. "It's called a charango. I am planning to become a charanguista!""I wouldn't call that an instrument of music," Ragnor observed sourly. "An instrument of torture, perhaps."Magnus cradled the charango in his arms as if it were an easily offended baby. "It's a beautiful and very unique instrument! The sound box is made from an armadillo. Well, a dried armadillo shell.""That explains the sound you're making," said Ragnor. "Like a lost, hungry armadillo.""You are just jealous," Magnus remarked calmly. "Because you do not have the soul of a true artiste like myself.""Oh, I am positively green with envy," Ragnor snapped."Come now, Ragnor. That's not fair," said Magnus. "You know I love it when you make jokes about your complexion."Magnus refused to be affected by Ragnor's cruel judgments. He regarded his fellow warlock with a lofty stare of superb indifference, raised his charango, and began to play again his defiant, beautiful tune.They both heard the staccato thump of frantically running feet from within the house, the swish of skirts, and then Catarina came rushing out into the courtyard. Her white hair was falling loose about her shoulders, and her face was the picture of alarm."Magnus, Ragnor, I heard a cat making a most unearthly noise," she exclaimed. "From the sound of it, the poor creature must be direly sick. You have to help me find it!"Ragnor immediately collapsed with hysterical laughter on his windowsill. Magnus stared at Catarina for a moment, until he saw her lips twitch."You are conspiring against me and my art," he declared. "You are a pack of conspirators."He began to play again. Catarina stopped him by putting a hand on his arm."No, but seriously, Magnus," she said. "That noise is appalling."Magnus sighed. "Every warlock's a critic.""Why are you doing this?""I have already explained myself to Ragnor. I wish to become proficient with a musical instrument. I have decided to devote myself to the art of the charanguista, and I wish to hear no more petty objections.""If we are all making lists of things we wish to hear no more . . . ," Ragnor murmured.Catarina, however, was smiling."I see," she said."Madam, you do not see.""I do. I see it all most clearly," Catarina assured him. "What is her name?""I resent your implication," Magnus said. "There is no woman in the case. I am married to my music!""Oh, all right," Catarina said. "What's his name, then?"His name was Imasu Morales, and he was gorgeous.
— Cassandra Clare, The Bane Chronicles
It's Thursday afternoon, and we have sports. These are the choices for the girls: watching an invitational cricket game; studying in one of the classrooms; or watching the senior rugby league. As you can imagine, I'm torn.
— Melina Marchetta, Saving Francesca
I forgot my purse of laughter when I dressed this mornin'," she told me. "Have you not bought anythin' the last few days? Prices have gone up. Pay or starve, it's all one to me.
— Tamora Pierce, Bloodhound
And here I was thinking you were a bit slow, what with so much asking and not knowing anything.
— Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind
My mind reels with sarcastic replies!
— Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 7: 1963-1964
If you are not going to be a comfort, have the decency to be an empty space.
— Jennifer Crusie, Bet Me
Yes. Yes I am. I am a completely demented misogynist.
— Bret Easton Ellis
The Amulet of Samarkand. It was Simon Lovelace's. Now it is yours. Soon it will be Simon Lovelace's again. Take it and enjoy the consequences.
— Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand
If you wish, I shall go personally to your City and knock together the heads of Perlith and Galooney.
— Robin McKinley, The Hero and the Crown
That's great," Katie said. "Actually, it's revolutionary. If you can work and be in love at the same time, you're the first woman I ever knew that could. Maybe you're the missing link, Amanda."Maybe you ought to get a job for the 'Ladies Home Journal.' They like simplistic shit like that.
— Ellen Gilchrist
Independence is earned by a few words of cheap confidence
— Albert Camus, A Happy Death
How can she create with all your negative energy?""Yeah, man. You're bringing us down.""This is about as low as it gets," Ariel said. "Where did you get those ridiculous black berets?"Moth adjusted his recently donned beatnik attire. "This is what the hip cats wear , daddy-o.""Can you dig it?" Cobweb stroked a few wisps of fake chin hair, while the others nodded and snapped their fingers.
— Lisa Mantchev, Perchance to Dream
You’d really give up your big, swanky apartment?”“If you don’t want to move in there with me, yes.”“But you love your apartment.”“I love you more, dumb ass.
— Suzanne Wright, The Bite That Binds
Don't sound so grumpy. Next thing you know you'll be whinning and giving me puppy dog eyes.
— Dana Marie Bell, Shadow of the Wolf
Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got eight-year-olds working ninety hours a week to deliver you that kind of top-quality witticism? There are boy bands with more original material.
— John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson
Fine, it’s decided.” Vain resumed his stride. “I’ll do all the killing, and you doall the stuff that an Avun-Riah does. Whatever the hell that is.
— Luke Romyn, The Dark Path
Here she is,” her mum said, cooing at the baby, “my special girl.”“Oh, cheers,” Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.
— Derek Landy, Death Bringer
When Rose takes to screaming, she starts loud, continues loud, and ends loud. Rose has a very good ear and always screams on the same note. I'd tested her before I burnt the library, and our piano along with it.Rose screams on the note B flat.We don't need a piano anymore now that we have a human tuning fork.
— Franny Billingsley, Chime
Am dining at Goldini's Restaurant, Gloucester Road, Kensington. Please come at once and join me there. Bring with you a jemmy, a dark lantern, a chisel, and a revolver. S. H." It was a nice equipment for a respectable citizen to carry through the dim, fog-draped streets.
— Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes
If only there was enough space on this tiny card to evoke my unfettered joie de vivre for what you have done. The gaiety, the mirth, the heavenly bubbling of every effusive cell that sings inside me for your kind and pithy offering.
— Joshua Braff, The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green
Most wives fuck their husbands, just to ensure financial support. Marriage is just a form of legalized prostitution, when you really thought about it.
— K. Syrah, Sex and Stupidity: A collection of Short Stories
And I know I'm sarcastic and defensive and I make a joke out of everything and am highly resistant to anything that reeks of sentimental corniness, but I'm giving you my heart anyway because being with you feels like home, and I know you won't break it.
— Shauna Cross, Derby Girl
Since you stand in the same bridge with him why don't you two just jump off.
— Sitta Karina, Pesan dari Bintang
Caro: "Bite me."Ruby: "I gave that up in kindergarten.
— Kristin Hannah, Summer Island
Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, "That'd better be your gun." "Why yes, I always pack my gun where it'll blow my balls off."[Landon]
— Patrice Michelle, Insurrection
Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful!
— George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
Right. I can tell from the bat wings and the leeches that you three are just all happy-smiles and rainbows.
— Greg Farshtey
You don't have to make fun of it.""Actually I do," I said. "I make fun of almost everything.
— Jim Butcher, Proven Guilty
...Though drowned was just as dead as any other way of dying.
— Mercedes Lackey, The Phoenix Transformed
...Peabody had better retire to her bed; she is clearly in need of recuperative sleep, she has not made a sarcastic remark for fully ten minutes.
— Elizabeth Peters, Crocodile on the Sandbank
Time for the likeliest story since Mary told Joseph it was God’s.
— Val McDermid
October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.
— Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson
Have you noticed we can breathe in here too?Gosh, I wouldn't have picked up on that.
— Dan Abnett, Hereticus
I'm working from the assumption it's going to go horribly wrong. If we get out of here with limbs intact and no aspen slivers in uncomfortable places, we're calling it a win."Merit/Jonah
— Chloe Neill, Drink Deep
If you are rude, cynical, habitually-sarcastic or pessimistic, your life options are going to be very limited.
— Bryant McGill, Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life
Hello?” I peered into the shadows.Two green circles flashed in the dark. I yelped, jumping backward and pressing myself against the wall.“And may I wish a very good morning to you, too, October.” The voice was amused, underscored by a chuckle like thick cream. “What happened? Did the prettiest little princess miss her carriage home?
— Seanan McGuire, Rosemary and Rue
What I really needed wasn't a dose of school spirit; it was a glass of water, an aspirin the size of my fist, and the answers to the history exam that I hadn't studied for the night before. "As long as I'm dreaming," I muttered, my words lost to the cacophony of the gym, "I'd also like a pony, a convertible, and a couple of fri
— Jennifer Lynn Barnes, Every Other Day
He paused at the bedroom door, shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked right out like it was any other morning, and he and Jack would be having breakfast as if they hadn't had sex the night before."Morning," he said, casting a quick glance over his shoulder."Mmm," D grunted."You done in the bath
— Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone
I’m sure I have no idea what you are talking about PRINCESS.” He tilted his head and half curtseyed when he said the last word.“That! That is what I am talking about. Since we ran into the others you have been cold and more arrogant than usual.” She kept her voice low so the others would not hear.“Is that so? I would say I was averagely arrogant
— B.C. Morin, Mark of the Princess
Excuse me if I feel skeptical,' I said. 'Coach's foot fell off. How exactly do you propose to cure that? Superglue?
— Carrie Harris, Bad Taste in Boys
I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him.'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated.
— Melina Marchetta, The Piper's Son
people don't generally believe themselves to be evil. Just strong. And they think that the world owes them something
— Mary Elizabeth Summer, Trust Me, I'm Lying
To my astonishment I saw him standing at a table with Kitty Jones. It was the Kitty Jones bit that was astonishing. Not the table. Though it was very nicely polished.
— Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate
Vegard and Riston's job today was to guard and protect me. And considering that I was in a tower room in the Guardians' citadel, it looked like a pretty plum assignment. I mean, how much trouble could a girl get into under heavy guard in a tower room? Notice I didn't ask that question out loud. No need to rub Fate's nose in something when I'd been tempting her enough lately.Phaelan had generously his guard services as well, just in case something happened to me that my Guardian bodyguards couldn't handle. Phaelan's guard-on-duty stance resembled his pirate-on-shore-leave stane of leaning back in a chair with his feet up, but instead of a tavern table, his boots were doing a fine job of holding down the windowsill. I don't know how I'd ever felt safe without him.
— Lisa Shearin, Armed & Magical
Who the hell calls at two in the morning?""Maybe it's Matt Wilde, confessing his love," Lindsay says."Very funny,
— Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall
You can't drive them around in the getaway van.' 'How about we don't call it the getaway van? People might get suspicious.' 'So what should we call it?' 'How about the van?' 'It doesn't change what it is and that it's a shitty thing to do. Someone might see them in it.
— Cath Crowley, Graffiti Moon
You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?''Wow,' she said, 'you got it. I thought I was going to have to explain that one for a lot longer.
— Jasper Fforde, Shades of Grey
If you didn't have me to rake you over the coals now and then, there wouldn't be any fire in your life at all.
— Joe Hill, Heart-Shaped Box
Coincidences are like unicorns.you can believe in them all you want,but that doesn't make them real
— Mary Elizabeth Summer, Trust Me, I'm Lying
I've heard that sarcasm is no substitute for cleverness
— Meredith Duran, Wicked Becomes You
Your cell phone is on the nightstand. Call me immediately if something changes. I don’t care if you are merely dizzy or if you start seeing pink dragons, do you understand?” I solemnly swear I will call you the second a pink dragon shows up.
— Jessica Fortunato, The Sin Collector
Alessa looked at Brennus giving him a smirk.“Brennus.”“Alessa.”“Still think that you are the God’s gift to all faeries?”“Still trying to convince yourself that I am not?” Brennus responded smirking arrogantly and leaning back in his chair.
— B.C. Morin, Mark of the Princess
Okay, can you pass yourself off as a magician and gain Gerald's trust and pass us information about Celeste's plans and save all the magicians who want to be saved? Jaime asked. "Because if so awesome. I shall stay here and eat pie.
— Sarah Rees Brennan
The students adore your father,' a perfumed woman said to me. 'Aren't you lucky to live with such a charming man!''He's even more charming at home,' Mom said. 'Isn't he, Bea? He rides a unicycle through the house -''- even up and down the stairs,' I added.'He juggles eggs as he makes breakfast every morning -''- which he serves to us in bed of course,' I said.'- and pulls fragrant bouquets out of his ass,' Mom finished.'He's just a joy.
— Natalie Standiford, How to Say Goodbye in Robot
Ready?" Jaime echoed. "Yes, yes, I am ready. I am ready to drink a lot of liquids and lie on the sofa moaning faintly all day long. That is what I am ready for. I cannot engage in physical activity of any sort or my head will fall right off. Is that what you want Nick? Because if so, I find that hurtful.
— Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Covenant
And what are your interests and hobbies, Nicholas?" Annabel asked faintly, sounding like a cross between a television interviewer and a hostage. Nick considered this for a minute, and then said "I like swords." Annabel leaned over her plate and asked, her voice changing "You fence?" "Not exactly," Nick drawled. "I'm more freestyle.
— Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Covenant
And you are going to get her far away from here. Keep her hidden.” She planted her hands on her hips. “And here we were just keeping her holed up in a tiny little house in a completely random mining sector. Why didn’t it ever occur to us to try and keep her hidden?” Kinney’s face was unreadable for a long moment before he asked, “You understand sarcasm?” “Of course I understand sarcasm,” she spat. “It’s not like it’s theoretical physics, is it?” The guard’s jaw worked for a moment, before he shook his head and turned away.
— Marissa Meyer, Winter
Hi, I'm Dick," I said."Yeah, I've heard that about you.
— Mindi Scott, Freefall
Well, how do we get out of this place?” Evyette’s voice shaking slightly.“We can’t.” If Kaleb felt any hopelessness he wasn’t conveying it. He looked around arduously, “Unless we find someone willing to help us.”“Oh well, that should not be a problem at all,” Tristan retorted throwing his hands up, “considering everything so far has tried to kill us!
— B.C. Morin, Mark of the Princess
I stood for almost an hour in a line of shuffling, bitter - eyed late mailers (Christmas is such a carefree, low - pressure time - that's one of the things I love about it),...
— Stephen King
That was Hunter,' said Quinn as his father's footsteps faded away.'I figured. Since he said to call him Hunter and everything.
— Jennifer Sturman, And Then Everything Unraveled
I couldn't hack it in Hollywood, my writing's wasn't bad enough.
— Russ Lippitt
Mystics are all a bit funny in the head anyway," the priest added cynically, "which is why the church locks them all up in mental hospitals and euphemistically calls these institutions monasteries.
— Robert Anton Wilson, The Eye in the Pyramid
I'd tell﻿ you nice try, but... it wasn't.
— Cynder
For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenal's moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own
— Nick Hornby, Fever Pitch
Desjani pulled out a ration bar. 'Hungry?' she asked Geary.'I had something earlier. Is that a Yanika Babiya?''No. It’s . . .' She squinted at the label. 'Spicy chicken curry.''A chicken curry ration bar? How are they?'Taking a small bite, Desjani chewed slowly, pretending not to be aware that everyone on the bridge was watching her instead of staring at the representation of the alien hypernet gate. 'It’s definitely got curry in it. Spicy, not so much. Some of the other stuff tastes like chicken.''That doesn’t narrow it down too much, does it?' Geary said.'Every kind of meat in a ration bar tastes like chicken, Captain,' Lieutenant Castries suggested. 'Except the chicken.''You’re right, Lieutenant,' Desjani said. 'Real chicken in ration bars tastes like, what, mutton?''Ham,' Yuon tossed in. 'Bad ham.''So this can’t be chicken because it tastes like chicken,' Desjani concluded.
— Jack Campbell, Dreadnaught
Oh no, Nick" Jaime said in tones of supremely unconvincing shock, "how could you? When my back was turned for one momement. And my food was so delicious.
— Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Covenant
What's next? You want to convince me they're making another crap Last Airbender movie?
— Cassandra Clare, The Evil We Love
She's my best friend, and I know she means well, but as she talks I'm mentally calculating all the ways I could silence her. I'm bigger than her... I wonder if I could use my straw for some sort of MacGyver inspired weapon.
— Steph Campbell, Grounding Quinn
Great,' I said. 'Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically.
— Steven Gould, Jumpers
I couldn't help thinkin' if she was as far out o' town as she was out o' tune, she wouldn't get back in a day.
— Sarah Orne Jewett, The Country of the Pointed Firs
At one time, the treatment for a certain kind of psychosis had been to push an ice pick up through the orbit of the eye, into the frontal lobe; the ice pick was then stirred around until it reduced the problematic brain tissue to non-functioning porridge.
— Alastair Reynolds, Terminal World
It was stealing her breath, imbecile. Go get a towel." -Christophe, Strange Angels by Lili St. Crow
— Lilith Saintcrow, Strange Angels
He checked his parachute and launched himself into the Sea of Sarcasm.--Havana Red
— Leonardo Padura
When all else fails...try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work...have another.
— Timothy Pina
Marion: What is all this? What's going on?Clint: The same thing that's always going on. The end of the world.
— Rachel Pollack
So the I.F. is spying on Earth.""Just as a mother spies on her children at play in the yard.""Good to know you're looking out for us, Mummy.
— Orson Scott Card, Shadow of the Giant
Sophie coughed, and Oliver felt his cheeks becoming warm. “Don’t be an ass, Andrew.” “That’s a little bit difficult to accomplish, y’know?” Andrew replied. “I mean, if you had been so kind as to paint me with black and white stripes, I would’ve been a zebra!
— Zeinab Alayan, Puppet Parade
Well, what do you want me to do? Head butt my way through a few inches of steel?!” she snarled.“Well, that would certainly earn you a cookie!
— S.L.J. Shortt, Blood Heavy
(One character on another:)"Don't you know that I passionately dote on every chin on his face?
— Dorothy L. Sayers, Strong Poison
I used to be a mddle-of-the-road kid, but now with my freaky looks I'm definately an outsider. Hooray.
— Evan Kuhlman, The Last Invisible Boy
If you turned your back on irony, it curdled into sarcasm. And what good was it then? Sarcasm was irony which had lost its soul.
— Julian Barnes, The Noise of Time
Entertaining females with accounts of jug-bitten maunderings is one of my favourite pastimes.
— Georgette Heyer, Black Sheep
Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?
— Kresley Cole, Lothaire
Twenty-three stories up and all I could see out the windows was grey smog. They could call it the City of the Angels if they wanted to, but if there were angels out there, they had to be flying blind.
— Laurell K. Hamilton, A Kiss of Shadows
his mind's like Alcatraz. once something's in, it never gets out
— Mary Elizabeth Summer, Trust Me, I'm Lying
Don't waste yer' breath kid. Explainin' anything to that one? It's like tryin' ta' slap the dumb off a retard... -George Foster
— Shawn Durnin
The standard clauses of the American dream only included two weeks of vacation a year.
— Jeff Deck, The Great Typo Hunt: Two Friends Changing the World, One Correction at a Time
Kei: Is there anything else you need while I'm here, Your Highness?Cabot: No, but you can leave the sarcasm in there.
— Stefne Miller, Collision
Miss Prendregast!” He rapped on his desk with his knuckles. “You were never in any danger!”“Except from the wild animals.”His lids swept down as if he needed a reprieve from looking at her. “Alert me if you’re attacked by a rabbit.
— Christina Dodd, My Favorite Bride
As soon as they were spotted, one of the jerk’s buddies pointed at me and said, “Arrest her! She’s the one who killed Z
— Bella Shadow, Assassin: The Beginning
And your neihjbour is sitting next door weeping as she watches her child facing a crowd of Palestiniankids armed with rocks which could take your boy's eye out or give him brain damage if god forbids he took off his helmet one of those dusty stones hit him in the head
— Linda Grant
And fetch some straw.We’ll put it between us and the ground. No reason we shouldn’t sleep soft tonight.”“Straw. I love luxury.
— Joanna Bourne, The Forbidden Rose
it's a losing battle at this point,but so was the alamo
— Mary Elizabeth Summer, Trust Me, I'm Lying
As I grabbed my cocoa, chocolate ran down my hand."This makes me feel like a five-year-old," I said, licking it off."If I ordered a sandwich at this place, do you think they'd cut the crusts off?
— Mindi Scott, Freefall
I sighed and deleted the message, imagining the dirty clothes multiplying like rabbits, because that’s what they do when I’m not around.
— Alex Owens
You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain.That's my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain.I shrugged. "I'm glad you guys are so close.
— Holly Hood, Ink
Abby wouldn't want you to suffer because of some jerk that kidnapped her. She would want you to go on your trip so that she would have fun torturing you for not being a puddle on the ground with a box of tissues and an empty gallon of ice cream by your side. Then afterwards to hit you for thinking she was seriously hoping you would be doing that.
— Ottilie Weber, Family Ties
Wes sat in a cracked vinyl booth picking at his fries and listening to Amanda go on and on about the dress she'd found. '...and it has these little lavender bows. Oh, Wes, I can't wait 'til you see it.' She gesticulated wildly, and her only saving grace right now was her amazing rack that swayed and bounced with each movement. Sometimes he swore that was the only reason he ever looked crosswise at Amanda Price. That, and her daddy's checkbook. 'And I found these shoes--" 'Uh huh, that's nice,' he cut her off and slid free from the booth. He held out his hand. 'Got the card?' He waved the bill in the air at her questioning gaze. Was she a little cross-eyed, maybe? He thought so.
— Brandi Salazar, Midnight Masquerade
Yeah, I was just curious. I concentrated on my footsteps.Yeah, well, next time you think about stepping into rock concerts you might want to bring a bodyguard.I stopped and turned around. I brought my hands to my hips, a bit offended. What is that supposed to mean?He dropped the end of the bat into the sand. It means your small.
— Holly Hood, Ink
Andrew just shrugged, and I fiddled with the napkin in my lap while glancing idly around the restaurant. The obligatory mirrors hung on the walls, and there was one of those fountains with fake lily pads in the entryway. The restaurant was also lit like a mine shaft. I've never understood why dim lighting is supposed to be so romantic. Night vision belongs into a Paris Hilton sex tape - not in a restaurant that could potentially poison me with peanut sauce.
— Alicia Thompson, Psych Major Syndrome
Oh, poor, poor fellow!' said Mrs. Elliot with a remorse that was sincere, though her congratulations would not have been.
— E.M. Forster, The Longest Journey
You will never find me in trouble. You will find me in the library. If you can remember where that is.
— Sarah Rees Brennan, In Other Lands
Hi! I'm Ethan, I shop at Ikea. I bought a $300 dining suite and it took me three days to assemble!
— Douglas Coupland
If then, Moses so distinctly announces that there is in us not only a faculty, but also a facility for keeping all commandments, why are we sweating so much? ... What need is there now of Christ or of Spirit? We have found a passage that asserts freedom of choice, but also distinctly teaches that the keeping of the commandments is easy.
— Martin Luther, The Bondage of the Will
A demigod?” I repeated like I’d just learned to speak a few seconds ago. “A real, live demigod?”“Opposed to a fake, dead one?” He chuckled, proud of himself, and then sighed when my eyes narrowed on him. “You used to have a sense of humor, Seth.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, The Return
I can give you two words," I tell him. "The second is off. Can you guess the first?
— Darren Shan, Zom-B Underground
Everyone has bad days...'my Dear MIDDLE FINGER, Thanks for sticking up for me!
— Napz Cherub Pellazo
Poetry is a disease vector. Like malaria.
— Katie Douglas
I'll only go if there's cake.~Tobias "Four
— Veronica Roth
Sarcasm is the new staircase to stardom.
— Ahmed Mostafa
And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies.-Haymitch Abernathy
— Suzanne Collins
Your sarcasm and general assholeness are not necessary,” Apollo remarked casually.I grinned at him. “I don’t think ‘assholeness’ is a word.”“It is if I say it is.” Apollo drew in a deep breath, a sure sign his temper was reaching its knock-Seth-into-the-nearby-ocean point.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, The Return
I ken who you are! You're Strathfearn's granddaughter. Julie Stuart, is it? Och, aye, Lady Julia! Well then, Lady Julia, tell me -- who don't you deserve a glass of water?
— Elizabeth Wein, The Pearl Thief
Och, they suit you, Queenie! Promise me you'll wear them.
— Elizabeth Wein, The Pearl Thief
August stared at her, aghast. "Did I know that kissing you would bring your soul to surface? That - THAT - would have the same effect as pain or music? No, I must have missed that lesson."She stared at him, agape. "August, was that sarcasm?
— Victoria Schwab, Our Dark Duet
Why fall? Let's rise in love together; and while we're at it, let's come up with lamer quotations.
— Ahmed Mostafa
Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair.
— Tana French, The Trespasser
The irony of life is like a brothel without prostitutes--but don't you worry, prostitutes don't need of a brothel, to exercise their profession.
— Efrat Cybulkiewicz
One comforting thing about the Trump White House is that you aren't forced to choose between malice and incompetence.
— Garry Kasparov
The eye-roll is a 10.5 on the Ritcher. The Big One. California has slipped into the ocean.
— Jandy Nelson, I'll Give You the Sun
he pays his respect by smiling at youwhen others are looking how he calls you a bitchright after is truly amazing
— Ymatruz, The Coffee Cries Foul
I believe sarcasm is the passive form of rudeness and should not be tolerated in the Body of Christ.
— Sean Feucht, Culture of Revival: A Revivalist Field Manual: Volume 1: Perseverance with Joy
Most thoughtful,"...[he said] politely. This cheerfulness was ambiguous, Had she determined to ignore ...[the] coup entirely--an established tactic, most irritating to the innovator but hard to sustain over long periods of time--or had she already evolved her counter-strategy?
— Tom Holt, Lucia Triumphant
No zek had the right to stay one second in his workroom without the supervision of a free employee because prudence dictated that the prisoner would be bound to use that unsupervised second to break into the steel safe with a lead pencil, photograph its secret documents with a trouser button, explode an atom bomb, and fly to the moon.
— Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
No, no. By all means, lead on. Nothing gets the blood pumping more than hunting down the biggest threat to the realm and deciding we'll just wing it.
— Elizabeth Carlton, Chivalry's Code
How careless of me!" By which she meant that she had deduced that he had found [them] in his pocket and pitied him for needing to be forever in the right.
— Tom Holt, Lucia Triumphant
Is it shocking?" he asked sarcastically. "To discover that there are things you don't know?
— Lili Wilkinson, Green Valentine
Son-- "We don't need ladders, we have obsidian, bro."Mommy's thoughts-- "............................... .......fucking minecraft
— Mel Brown
Thad: “But this is a boy, and you need to think of your reputation if you’re spending time alone with him—”Ari: ”Learning how to put a man's eye out or take him down at the knees. Very romantic stuff, Thad. Very romantic. Oh, and we also hid a body together, so we're practically engaged.
— C.J. Redwine, The Wish Granter
She could be a fire hazard. Maybe we should remove her from the ship before she spontaneously combusts.
— Marissa Meyer, Wires and Nerve, Volume 1
The problem is that in this jail there are too many mosquitoes, they don't let me sleep.
— Prashant Yadav, The Jeera Packer
Was Philip Dexter upset?""He's telephoned the office every day."She was pleased about that. "Who else was upset?""Everybody. Roosevelt orderded an hour of silence while you were on the table. Like Armistice Day.
— Rose Franken, Claudia and David
It must be wonderful to be you, Dominic, and know that you alone have shaped yourself. It must be even more wonderful for other people, your mother and even God Himself for all I know, to know that. It absolves them of a terrible responsibility.
— Jayne Bauling, Matching Pair
If this is how you feel about a desert, I can't wait until you see your first real tree. Your mind will explode.
— Marissa Meyer, Cress
The only times you say what I'm thinking, it's without any of the sarcasm and therefore the exact opposite of what I mean.
— Brian Clevinger, 8-Bit Theater
You do know you’re one of the hot ones, right? You could have any dom in this room if you looked marginally more approachable than an underfed piranha having a bad day.
— Alexis  Hall
My dominant (no pun intended) discourse seems to be needy as fuck.
— Alexis  Hall
Nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
— Doris Block
She thinks you're stalking me.""Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is.
— Margaret Watson, Protect Me
You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet.
— Jules Barnard, Deep Blue
Lea, you know you should never have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
— Christine Zolendz, Fall From Grace
I started rubbing my temples and she suggested I don't really get headaches. It just hurts me to think.
— Kelley Armstrong, The Calling
Best to have only a few absolutely perfect trait - for example, my hair and eyes and sparkling personality - so you don't overwhelm.
— Kiersten White, Endlessly
Hermy, when she was not otter-hunting, could be very sarcastic, and he had a clear month of Hermy in front of him, without any otter-hunting, which, so she had informed him, was not possible in August. This was mysterious to Georgie, because it did not seem likely that all otters died in August, and a fresh brood came in like caterpillars. If Hermy was here in October she would otter-hunt all morning and snore all afternoon, and be in the best of tempers, but the August visit required more careful steering.
— E.F. Benson, Queen Lucia
The mole dug its way deep, deep down, under the foundations of the wall. No magical alarm sounded, though I did hit my head five times on a pebble.Once each on five different pebbles. Not the same pebble five times. Just want to make that clear. Sometimes you human beings are so dense.
— Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand
You could heal him?" I asked, glancing at Hal."Could," said the wysling, "but won't, until I get what's 
— Mirriam Neal, Paper Crowns
Stop moving!' Hermione ordered them. 'I know what this is - it's Devil's Snare!''Oh, I'm so glad we know what it's called, that's a great help,' snarled Ron, leaning back, trying to stop the plant curling around his neck.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Yes, look at him," Marisol said. "Sleeping in a hammock, waking before the sunrise to take care of poor people. He is so terrible.
— Amanda Heger, Without Borders
Luke is the sort of boy Taylor Swift could at least three songs out of.
— Beth Garrod, Super Awkward
The queers could almost pass for the same species as the straights.
— Liz Kessler, Read Me Like a Book
You can't have a heart attack and leave me an orphan. You know I'd just blow all our money on drugs and rock'n'roll.""All the best heroes are orphans," Dad said. "You'd be in good company, if you went on a quest or something." He looked at the other girls. "You're not orphans, are you?""Not me," they both answered."You'll never amount to anything....
— Robison Wells, Dark Energy
How's Alison getting on?'Conway snorted. 'Tucked up in the sick room like she's dying in some season finale. Little fadey voice on her and all. She's having a great old time.
— Tana French, The Secret Place
Now, to be sure, Mrs Varden thought, here is a perfect character. Here is a meek, righteous, thoroughgoing Christian, who, having mastered all these qualities, so difficult of attainment; who, having dropped a pinch of salt on the tails of all the cardinal virtues, and caught them everyone; makes light of their possession, and pants for more morality. For the good woman never doubted (as many good men and women never do), that this slighting kind of profession, this setting so little store by great matters, this seeming to say, ‘I am not proud, I am what you hear, but I consider myself no better than other people; let us change the subject, pray’—was perfectly genuine and true. He so contrived it, and said it in that way that it appeared to have been forced from him, and its effect was marvellous.Aware of the impression he had made—few men were quicker than he at such discoveries—Mr Chester followed up the blow by propounding certain virtuous maxims, somewhat vague and general in their nature, doubtless, and occasionally partaking of the character of truisms, worn a little out at elbow, but delivered in so charming a voice and with such uncommon serenity and peace of mind, that they answered as well as the best. Nor is this to be wondered at; for as hollow vessels produce a far more musical sound in falling than those which are substantial, so it will oftentimes be found that sentiments which have nothing in them make the loudest ringing in the world, and are the most relished.
— Charles Dickens, Barnaby Rudge
Television is a dirty business. To survive in it you have to be part weasel, part python, and part wolf. To succeed in it, you have to be 99.9 percent great white shark. The capacity for barefaced lying also comes in handy, particularly if you are freelance.
— Matt Dickinson, The Other Side of Everest: Climbing the North Face Through the Killer Storm
Shit will always be Shit! No amount of perfume can make it stink less
— Tahira Abrar
if the opponent praises you … you will not believe, you will take it as sarcasm. And, if the opponent curses you and criticizes you, you will not only believe it, you will take it as if he had made a declaration over a notarized stamped paper. So granted and guaranteed.
— Girdhar Joshi, Some Mistakes Have No Pardon
I think you people are just marvelous,” she said in a dramatic manner, closing her eyes for a moment. “You know, sometimes I hear the Great Spirit calling to me. Perhaps I was a squaw in my last life. My family would never talk about it when I was growing up, but I’m pretty sure my great-grandmother was a real Cherokee princess. Are you Cherokee, by any chance?”“Cherokee to the bone, ma’am,” Luther replied, giving Jimmy a wink.“Oh, I knew it when I laid eyes on you,” she responded and turned to Jimmy. “Are you also Cherokee?”“No, ma’am. I wanted to be but I didn’t have the grades to get in.”“Oh, you poor dear,” the woman said, reaching over to pat him on the arm.
— Robert Owings, Call of the Forbidden Way
He told me and Rafe to stay put in case you came home, burn the note and get hot water and disinfectant and bandages rea
— Tana French, The Likeness
Black Mage: I was joking.Red Mage: OH. See, I was confused by the total lack of comedy.
— Brian Clevinger, 8-Bit Theater
Dear friend…'The Witcher swore quietly, looking at the sharp, angular, even runes drawn with energetic sweeps of the pen, faultlessly reflecting the author’s mood. He felt once again the desire to try to bite his own backside in fury. When he was writing to the sorceress a month ago he had spent two nights in a row contemplating how best to begin. Finally, he had decided on “Dear friend.” Now he had his just deserts.'Dear friend, your unexpected letter – which I received not quite three years after we last saw each other – has given me much joy. My joy is all the greater as various rumours have been circulating about your sudden and violent death. It is a good thing that you have decided to disclaim them by writing to me; it is a good thing, too, that you are doing so so soon. From your letter it appears that you have lived a peaceful, wonderfully boring life, devoid of all sensation. These days such a life is a real privilege, dear friend, and I am happy that you have managed to achieve it.I was touched by the sudden concern which you deigned to show as to my health, dear friend. I hasten with the news that, yes, I now feel well; the period of indisposition is behind me, I have dealt with the difficulties, the description of which I shall not bore you with. It worries and troubles me very much that the unexpected present you received from Fate brings you worries. Your supposition that this requires professional help is absolutely correct. Although your description of the difficulty – quite understandably – is enigmatic, I am sure I know the Source of the problem. And I agree with your opinion that the help of yet another magician is absolutely necessary. I feel honoured to be the second to whom you turn. What have I done to deserve to be so high on your list?Rest assured, my dear friend; and if you had the intention of supplicating the help of additional magicians, abandon it because there is no need. I leave without delay, and go to the place which you indicated in an oblique yet, to me, understandable way. It goes without saying that I leave in absolute secrecy and with great caution. I will surmise the nature of the trouble on the spot and will do all that is in my power to calm the gushing source. I shall try, in so doing, not to appear any worse than other ladies to whom you have turned, are turning or usually turn with your supplications. I am, after all, your dear friend. Your valuable friendship is too important to me to disappoint you, dear friend.Should you, in the next few years, wish to write to me, do not hesitate for a moment. Your letters invariably give me boundless pleasure.Your friend Yennefer'The letter smelled of lilac and gooseberries.Geralt cursed.
— Andrzej Sapkowski, Krew elfów
She decided to make his life as terrible, tragic and complicated as possible, so that some day Percy Jackson would have a really hard time writing about it.
— Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson's Greek Heroes
I glanced back to Yanni to see him smiling at us. "You two can stop being so cute now." "Well, Spencer can," Andrew deadpanned. "I, unfortunately, am cute all the time." I laughed. "It's true. He is.
— N.R. Walker, Spencer Cohen, Book Three
I think it is just a matter of getting into the mind of the writer,” Vetinari went on, looking at a letter covered with grubby fingerprints and what looked like the remains of someone’s breakfast. He added: “In some cases, I imagine, there is a lot of room.
— Terry Pratchett, Making Money
That's quite gallant of you. After you've ignored me for the better part of a week, like a boy half your age with twice your charm.
— Renee Ahdieh, The Rose & the Dagger
Is he safe?" I whispered as soon as the baker was out of earshot."I very much doubt it," Hal said in a low voice.I frowned. "You're meant to say 'yes, I'd trust him with my life.' That sort of thing. Something reassuring."He blinked twice at me. "I beg your pardon. Next time I'll read between your very vague lines, and lie. Will that make you happy?
— Mirriam Neal, Paper Crowns
And involuntarily I compared the childish sarcasm, the religious sarcasm of Voltaire with the irresistible irony of the German philosopher whose influence is henceforth ineffaceable.
— Guy de Maupassant, The Complete Short Stories of Guy de Maupassant, Part One
We met at a local restaurant.She tweeted from her Smartphone ,"Socializing is so liberating compared to being hung on Social media all the time".I liked her tweet and asked for the Bill.
— Ketan Waghmare
Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,’ said Carrot‘What, in Ankh-Morpork?’‘Yes, sir.’‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value
— Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
Snark often functions as an enforcer of mediocrity and conformity. In its cozy knowingness, snark flatters you by assuming that you get the contemptuous joke. You've been admitted, or readmitted, to a club, though it may be the club of the second-rate.
— David Denby, Snark: A Polemic in Seven Fits
You should remove your jacket," the Mage said. "Use it to shade your head."She didn't want to remove her one sign of authority, her one piece of armor, though in both respects the jacket offered little right now. "I'm a Mechanic." "I know that. Is there anyone around that you need to impress?
— Jack Campbell
Would somebody please tell him whose idea it had been to kill the entire state of Colorado?
— Justin Cronin, The Twelve
There was a silence. Elliot was surprised, because he would have thought the sound of every atom in his body exploding with indignation might make some noise.
— Sarah Rees Brennan, The Turn of the Story
For appearances. Now there's a lovely thing to die for.
— Gerald Morris, The Squire's Quest
Think people really want to know what's out there?""Probably not. People don't know what they want, Evelyn, or life wouldn't suck
— Lizzy Ford, Kiera's Moon
Puppies are cute. I'm fierce!""Yeah!" Evelyn snorted. "Romas says you're as fierce as a kitten.""A kitten?" Kiera's tone grew more hurt. "I'm not afraid of him, just because he's twelve feet tall and can bench press me with his toes. It's not nice of him to say that
— Lizzy Ford, Kiera's Moon
The 'incredible frog hotel'—really a local bed and breakfast—...the frogs stay (in their tanks) in a block of rented rooms.
— Elizabeth Kolbert, The Sixth Extinction: An Unnatural History
Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,’ said Carrot'What, in Ankh-Morpork?’Yes, sir.’‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value
— Terry Pratchett
Whoosh! went the bluebird of sarcasm, zooming miles above Dale’s head.
— Sarah Rees Brennan, The Turn of the Story
It'll make you look rugged,' Mel says.'Because I woke up this morning,' I say, 'and the one thing I realized I lacked was ruggedness.
— Patrick Ness, The Rest of Us Just Live Here
I wish you'd stop desperately trying to get my attention like this," he said. "It's become embarrassing.""Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt," she told him."I can't help it. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
True cynics kill themselves. The rest are posers, trying to use clever sarcasm and snarky remarks to hide insecurity and the fear that if they put themselves out there, they will fail.
— Jewel, Never Broken: Songs Are Only Half the Story
Yeah," Chris said. "I lose a couple limbs getting drunk and falling into harvesting combine, I'm an idiot. I lose the same limbs because I happened to be standing next to the right door when the ship was damaged, I'm a hero.
— James S.A. Corey, Abaddon's Gate
Social media has turned all of us into Dogs. The moment a single dog is unhappy with something, it starts barking, and then hundreds of others join the barking immediately. We no longer use our brains, we just join the chorus.
— EverSkeptic
Great. Relationship advice from one of America's most wanted.
— Leslea Wahl, The Perfect Blindside
I've interrupted a party. Is it in celebration of the peace or in honor of the next war?
— Winston Graham, Ross Poldark
The sarcastic little know-it-all needs help, does he?
— John Flanagan
Richard looked up to find a thirty-ish, tall, black haired man sauntering towards him with a smile that said “You can trust me”, but really meant “Don’t believe a word I say”. This was Jack, and he hadn’t changed a bit.
— Alexander Ferrick, HACK3R
Ove looks at the group assembled around him, as if he's been kidnapped and taken to a parallel universe. For a moment he thinks about swerving off the road, until he realises that the worst case scenario would be that they all accompanied him into the afterlife.
— Fredrik Backman, A Man Called Ove
Sir Mark Turner," he said. "I speak with the tongues of a thousand angels. Butterflies follow me wherever I go. Birds sing when I take a breath.
— Courtney Milan, Unclaimed
I'm so well-rounded I'm almost spherical.
— Brian Katcher, The Improbable Theory of Ana and Zak
Run everything on a generator,” Haskel said. “Got to keep it a certain temperature for the stuff I carry. Not too cold. Not too hot. There’s shit in here, weather got wrong, it’d go off and blow our asses all the way to Mineola. Maybe out in the goddamned Gulf.”“I don’t like to travel that far unless I got plane tickets and a steward in my lap,” Leonard said.Haskel cut an eye toward Leonard. “You mean stewardess, don’t you?”“I don’t think so,” Leonard said, and let Haskel churn that one over.
— Joe R. Lansdale
He explained civilization to me. I mean how it looks to him. He's going to let it go on a little while longer. But it better be careful and not interfere with his private life. If it does, he's apt to make a phone call to God and cancel the order.
— Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye
Sorry if this little war’s inconvenienced you in any way,” Indris drawled. “I’ll try to schedule the next one with you in mind
— Mark T. Barnes, The Garden of Stones
It's not something a kid like you should've gotten ahold of.
— Shinjirou, Taboo Tattoo, Vol. 1
This is supposed to be a lighthearted session of symbolic document destruction, not a political debate.
— Veronica Roth, Divergent
Nothing like a little shared racism to build ties with the boss.
— James S.A. Corey, Leviathan Wakes
Weapons master is giving me special lessons." she (Amily) chuckled. " He calls then How Not To Get Killed lessons.
— Mercedes Lackey, Bastion
Could you please stop dripping your sarcasm all over my car’s interior?
— Robin Benway, Emmy & Oliver
What? Who are you marrying?”His jaw tightened.“Princess Cleiona Bellos.”Lucia could not believe her ears. “This has been arranged.”Magnus gave her a look.“Oh, not at all. Since helping to take her father's kingdom and destroy her life,I couldn’t help but fall madly in love with her. Yes,obviously it was arranged.
— Morgan Rhodes, Rebel Spring
Don’t worry, hero. If the vamp shows up, I’m here to protect you.”“Great, I can hide behind your massive ego.
— Cassandra Clare, The Lost Herondale