c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
You know, I once read a book about people who practiced polygamy. One man with several wives. Crazy. I was just in a room with eight very unhappy woman and I have no idea why anyone would choose that.
— Kiera Cass, Happily Ever After
You can’t possibly be thinking of sending him home! He can barely walk.” Meg’s smile began to slip. Ambulance crews were queuing almost out the door, and all this lad needed was a stat dose of Man-the-Fuck-Up.
— Cari Hunter, A Quiet Death
The entire time Albie followed Beverly around the house doing what the children referred to as “the stripper soundtra
— Ann Patchett, Commonwealth
Your memory has always been given to opportunistic revision.
— Dave Eggers, Your Fathers, Where Are They? And the Prophets, Do They Live Forever?
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast
— Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband
This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be the perfect time to disembark.
— Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
At least I'm honest about being a liar
— Taherah mafi ,Shatter me
When a person pauses in mid-sentence to choose a word, that's the best time to jump in and change the subject! It's like an interception in football! You grab the others guy's idea and run the opposite way with it! The more sentences you complete, the higher your score! The idea is to block the other guy's thoughts and express your own! That's how you win!Conversations aren't contests!Ok, a point for you, but I'm still ahead.
— Bill Watterson, It's a Magical World: A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
Talking of snakes, Mrs. Montgomery told me that once she nearly stood upon a krait - one of the most venomous snakes in India. She has been very ill at the time, suffering from acute facial neuralgia, 'so that I didn't care if I trod on fifty kraits. I was quite stupid with pain, and was going back in the evening to my bungalow, preceded by a servant who was carrying a lamp. Suddenly he stopped and said "Krait, Mem-sahib!" - but I was far too ill to notice what he was saying, and went straight on, and the krait was lying right in the middle of the path! The servant did a thing absolutely without precedent in India - he touched me! - he put hand on my shoulder and pulled me back. My shoe came off and I stopped. Of course if he hadn't done that I should have undoubtedly have been killed; but I didn't like it all the same same, and got rid of him soon after.
— J.R. Ackerley, Hindoo Holiday
In the bazaar today I noticed a shopkeeper sitting cross-legged on the platform of his shop making up his ledger. A common sight - but there was something wrong, I could not at first see what. Then I understood: what was his heavy ledge resting on? It was lying open before him, on his stomach, but unsupported by his free hand, not resting against his knees. What on earth was propping it up?The problem teased my mind so much that I had to retrace my steps for another look. There he was, comfortably scribbling away in the large ledger, which was standing up, apparently unsupported, in his lap. Then, as I stared, he closed it, and got to his feet - and the mystery was explained. He had elephantiasis of the scrotum, and had been utilising this huge football of tissue as a book-rest.
— J.R. Ackerley, Hindoo Holiday
. . . confirmed libertines don't reform until they're tired . . .
— F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Offshore Pirate
Don't tell the guys at Trinity Broadcast Network, but financial prosperity is not the primary indicator of God's blessing. Think back to the garden. What was the greatest blessing that God gave to Adam and Eve? The greatest blessing was living in God's very presence, knowing him, and worshipping him.
— Chris Bruno, The Whole Story of the Bible in 16 Verses
Do you like singing?" Miriam asked her."If it is good," she said.Paul, of course, coloured."You mean if it is high-class and trained?" he said."I think a voice needs training before the singing is anything," she said."You might as well insist on having people's voices trained before you allowed them to talk," he replied. "Really, people sing for their own pleasure, as a rule.""And it may be for other people's discomfort.
— D.H.Lawrence, Sons & Lovers
He was the guy who always won the game of chicken because his opponents suspected he might actually enjoy a head-on collision.
— Michael   Lewis, The New New Thing: A Silicon Valley Story
What the heck is this, a trivet?""I AM WAFFLE FACE!
— Van Jensen
We're going up there," she told them. "To the Keep. Your first instinct will be to protect me, I know-""Here it comes," Dyer muttered"But do me a favor and protect each other. Understand, Dyer?""Yes, Lady, yes! Because that's what I signed up for: to guard other guards while I leave the Queen to her own devices.
— Erika Johansen
Life without a pasta machine is like life without music!
— Margo Vader
This bullet can go straight through the couch."He was right. Fuck Ikea for making such flimsy furniture.
— Karina Halle, Shooting Scars
His words reminded me of something else I’d meant to bring up when he got back to town, something that had taken a very low priority. “Your coat—you never took it back after the wedding. It’s in my car.”He waved dismissively “Keep it. I’ve got others.”“What am I going to do with a wool coat?” I asked. “Especially here in Palm Springs?”“Sleep with it,” he suggested. “Think of me.”I put my hands on my hips and tried to stare him down, which wasn’t easy since he was so tall. That, and because his words suddenly returned me to the disorienting feeling I’d had sitting on his bed. “You said you weren’t going to bring up any romantic stuff around me.”“Was that romantic?” he asked. “I was just making the suggestion, since the coat’s so heavy and warm. I figured you’d think of me since it was such a nice gesture. And yet, once again, you’re the one who finds romantic subtext in everything I say.”“I do not. You know that’s not what I meant.”He shook his head in mock sympathy. “I tell you, Sage. Sometimes I think I’m the one who needs to take out the restraining order on you.”“Adrian!
— Richelle Meadelle
It’s so nice to see you again,” he said. He spoke as though it had been a while, and I nodded in agreement. As I’d assured Stanton, Adrian knew too much familiarity between us might create a trail back to Jill. “Did I just hear you two talking about building good relationships?”I was tongue-tied, so Ian answered. “That’s right. We’re here to make things friendlier between our people.” His voice, however, was most decidedly unfriendly.Adrian nodded with all seriousness, like he hadn’t noticed Ian’s hostility. “I think it’s a great idea. And I thought of something that would be an excellent gesture of our future together.” Adrian’s expression was innocent, but there was a mischievous sparkle in his eye that I “knew all too well. He held out his hand to me. “Would you like to dance?
— Richelle Mead, The Indigo Spell
For the next century, no elf is to be banished to the human world. No more Star Wars, no more Harry Potter, no more Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and no more body-doubling for Tom Cruise. Elves shouldn't be treated like shit. We're not Mexicans.
— Adam Millard, the Human Santapede
Tell me, Peppone, what other talents do you have besides erasing undesirables?”	“I enjoy a fair bit of sneaking, sir. I also enjoy pilfering and killing as a professional courtesy.”	“What a delightfully horrid urchin you are.”	“Thank you, sir.
— Michelle Franklin, The Ship's Crew: A Marridon Novella
He pointed at the caiques, but Peppone declined the librarian’s offer, saying only, “Do you think the proprietor of the inn where we met will report us?”	“The money I left him was more than enough to silence his alarms,” said Danaco. “Gold has an amazing habit of altering memories.
— Michelle Franklin, The Ship's Crew: A Marridon Novella
He discovered in his heart the first faint whispering of pure Christianity, and in some way he continued to keep his virtue intact by keeping his vices active.
— Thorne Smith, Topper
I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re not 100% committed to your Oreo diet.
— Becky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda
I don't think you have talent!! But... I guess Fuuka will do.I have no choice!
— Kiyohiko Azuma, よつばと! 13
Anubis is associated with the mummification and protection of the dead for their journeys through Denver International Airport to the afterlife. He is usually portrayed as being half human and half jackal, and holding a metal detector in his hand ... Anubis is employed by the Department of Homeland Security to examine the hearts of all travellers to make sure they have not exceeded the weight limit for psychological baggage ... He is also shown frisking mummies and confiscating firearms and other contraband. It doesn't take much to tip the scales in favour of a dead body cavity search or an afterlifetime travel ban.
— Stephen Moles, The Most Wretched Thing Imaginable or, Beneath the Burnt Umbrella
It's easier to get philosophers to agree than clocks.
— Seneca, Apocolocyntosis
Never worry if you’re excluded from the circle, sometimes it’s full of squares.
— Benny Bellamacina, Piddly Poems for Children
Always walk as if you’re running late, it’s healthier.
— Benny Bellamacina, Piddly Poems for Children
You haven't been fired," Mary said with a sigh. "You always jump to the worst possible conclusion. Why on earth would you be getting f
— Lindsey Kelk, I Heart Christmas
When I reached 70, the doc said I should try walking 5 miles a day. At 72, I'm still trying to find my way home ☺️
— Jacqueline Creek
You can’t fight if you’re drunk,” she n
— Thaddeus White, The Adventures of Sir Edric
The elf was armed with a bow, a sword, and an overwhelming sense of his own importance.
— Thaddeus White, The Adventures of Sir Edric
He ate with all the restraint of a nymphomaniac at an orgy.
— Thaddeus White, The Adventures of Sir Edric
You like it in jail?""It's not too bad. You don't meet the best people, but who the hell wants to?
— Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye
Swearing is a currency the countryside spends well.
— Michelle Franklin
A golden dragon. Splendid. My life expectancy has just become shorter than a gnome’s todger.
— Thaddeus White, The Adventures of Sir Edric
I also know a Were-Pomeranian named Phoebe Fluffenstuff that will gut someone with her samurai sword as casually as you would slice a pie
— James R. Tuck
If I wanted a life of chastity I’d live with my wife.
— Thaddeus White, The Adventures of Sir Edric
You like it in jail?It's not too bad. You don't meet the best people, but who the hell wants to?
— Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye
You like it in jail?''It's not too bad. You don't meet the best people, but who the hell wants to?
— Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye
I may not hate al of the people all the time, but I hate all of them some of the time, and I hate some of them all of the time.
— Kathy McCullough, Who Needs Magic?
I may not hate all of the people all of the time, but I hate all of them some of the time, and I hate some of them all of the time.
— Kathy McCullough, Who Needs Magic?
If you're dealing with a pack of werewolves I'll jump in without hesitation, but I was not getting in the middle of a pack of crazed shoppers on Black Friday
— James R. Tuck, Special Features: A Deacon Chalk Short Story Collection
Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddamn hand dies on you
— J.D. Salinger
It's the old headpiece that makes a man, the rest is all rubbish.
— Petronius Arbiter, The Satyricon
Go forth my sex beast...to his virginity
— shinba rize
After all, I was once like you are, but being the right sort I got where I am.
— Petronius Arbiter, The Satyricon
Why, there's the air, the sky, the morning, the evening, moonlight, my friends, women, the beautiful architecture of Paris to study, three big books to write and all sorts of other things. Anaxagoras used to say that he was in the world in order to admire the sun. And then I have the good fortune to be able to spend my days from morning to night in the company of a man of genius - myself - and it's very pleasant.
— Victor Hugo, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame
I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Yes, Doc, I'm not feeling too well.'Which was true enough, Kwang Meng considered.He had honestly not been feeling too well since he contracted poverty, loneliness, boredom, sexual frustration and periodic coughs and colds. Not to speak of his dreary job.
— Goh Poh Seng, If We Dream Too Long
In Newcastle, Kurt announced from the stage, “I am a homosexual, I am a drug user, and I fuck pot-bellied pigs,” another classic Cobainism, though only one of his three claims was true.
— Charles R. Cross, Heavier Than Heaven: A Biography of Kurt Cobain
Hardship bred a bitter, quickfire humour and resilience to all but the most terminal of life's tragedies.
— Ian Rankin, The Black Book
Joan Durbeyfield always manged to find consolation somewhere: 'Well, as one of the genuine stock, she ought to make her way with 'en, if she plays her trump car aright. And if he don't marry her afore he will after. For that he's all afire wi' love for her any eye can see.' 'What's her trump card? Her d'Urberville blood, you mean?' 'No, stupid; her face - as 'twas mine.
— Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D'Urbervilles
What nature hath joined together, multiple regression analysis cannot put asunder.
— Richard E. Nisbett, Mindware: Tools for Smart Thinking
People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Unlike Panic! At The Disco, I write sins AND Tragedies.
— Carter Bates
I said, "Is there!" I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he have left?
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
It gathers emotionally inside you, in a strange way a by-product of struggle, of a willingness to do anything, try anything, expose yourself to anything — staying in motion because sooner or later those ripples will cause change.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Unlike Panic! At the Disco, I write sins AND tradgedies.
— Carter Bates
When you begin to losing your audience, do not get loud; get quiet, make them find you and come back to you.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
I have never learned how to tell somebody something good about myself
—  that should be a secret they must find out .
I am driven. Being driven is my energy source. It is my fun.…I believe that where there is action, there is movement, and those ripples will eventually produce something positive.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
The revelation that personal truth can be the foundation of comedy, that outrageousness can be cleansing and healthy…
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
The log officer handed me a pair of examination gloves. Pink. Everyone else wore red or black.“Thanks.” I glanced at her name tag. “Officer Kennedy.”“You’re welcome. They support breast cancer awareness.”I snapped on the gloves. “I knew that. I’m always willing to do my part to keep breasts safe.”“We appreciate that, sir.
— Greg Mongrain, To Kill a Sorcerer
…but I think comedy is more aggressive than that. It is a medium for revenge. We can deflate and punish the pomposity and the rejection which hurt us. Comedy is power.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Though Kurt would later claim that his graffiti messages were political, in fact, most of what he wrote was nonsensical. He enraged a neighbor with a boat by painting “Boat Ack” in red letters on the ship’s hull; on the other side he lettered, “Boat people go home.
— Charles R. Cross, Heavier Than Heaven: A Biography of Kurt Cobain
…you either do or do not have a comedy mind, whatever that is, maybe a heightened sense of the ridiculous and the absurdity of life…We are all crazy and crazed.
— Joan Rivers, Enter Talking
Alys," he exclaims happily. "I think this might work out. You're going to be excellent in getting rid of unwanted visitors.""I'm not a fucking Rottweiler," I say indignantly.
— Lily Morton, Keep Me
On growing peonies:The fact that a flower as gentle and delightful as the peony should be so exacting and dictate such harsh terms hits me with the force of a cold shower. It's just like my girlfriends when I was a teenager, it was always the loveliest and most yielding ones who ran everything...[and] According to the English gardening book, peonies are so fussy that you might as well not bother. You'd need to go back generations to discover the composition of the soil, you'd have to go right back to the Big Bang to find out how the elements are distributed in your garden.
— Bodil Malmsten, Sista boken från Finistère
After my parents were dead, I found in a box and in two chests of drawers nothing but hundreds of bright red Alpine caps, I said, nothing but bright red Alpine stockings. Every one of them knitted by my mother. My parents could have gone into the High Alps with these bright red caps and bright red stockings for thousands of years. I burnt every one of those bright red caps and bright red stockings, I said. I put on one of my mother's hundreds of bright red Alpine caps and in this costume burnt all the others, laughing, laughing, continuously laughing, I said.(Goethe Dies, p.65)
— Thomas Bernhard, Goethe schtirbt: Erzählungen
I can't believe there's a part of you that grows when you need it. You're like a mutant.""I'm a vampire," Baz says, "and can you hear yourself?
— Rainbow Rowell, Carry On
Casting a curious gaze down on planet Earth, extra-terrestrial beings could well be forgiven for assuming that we humans are programmed in every move we make, by a palm-sized, oblong, slab of glass. More perplexing than that, who on earth could convince them otherwise ?
— Alex Morritt, Impromptu Scribe
A man should never miss an opportunity to keep his mouth shut.
— David Eddings, The Treasured One
The decker these ***holes brought with them is top tier, but I'm going to stomp his jelly beans so hard his kids will be born crooked.
— Amie Kaufman, Gemina
Dez cringed as her boss slammed his door closed. But before she could walk away, he snatched it open again. “And I better not see your ass until after the New Year!” He slammed it again.Dez glared at Bukowski as she headed back to her desk. “I didn’t even do anything.”“You did ask her if she killed Petrov. I think your exact words were, ‘You whacked him, didn’t you? You sadistic bitch.
— Shelly Laurenston, The Mane Event
Yeah, that sure was Mace Llewellyn staring at her from the other side of her desk. Just staring. Like he used to. Like he knew where she’d buried the bodies of all her goldfish after their unfortunate “accidents” or what she did with her sisters’ toothbrushes on more than one occasion.
— Shelly Laurenston, The Mane Event
This is Trenicia, the queen of the warrior women of the Isle of Akalla. Different places have different traditions and different customs. On the Isle of Akalla, the women rule, and the women do the fighting.""What do the men do?" the horseman Ekial asked curiously."As little as they possibly can," the warrior woman said in a sardonic tone. "Over the years, they’ve foisted just about everything off on us. We have to grow the food, hunt the meat, and fight the wars. The men sit around getting fat and arguing with each other about something they call 'philosophy' - most of which is pure nonsense.
— David Eddings, The Treasured One
The men sit around getting fat and arguing with each other about something they call “philosophy” - most of which is pure nonsense.
— David Eddings, The Treasured One
C is for coffee. Coffee would always be there for her.
— Cassandra O'Leary, Girl on a Plane
It keeps him happy, Dahlaine, and happy people are nicer than gloomy ones. Haven't you noticed that before?
— David Eddings, Crystal Gorge
Neither any one in this world is born as our friend nor born as our enemy.Our behavior, attitude & approach makes them become either one.
— Moses Tiko Lungu
Everyday I think about the perfect life with you
—  Everyday I wish you existed.
Save time, worry about everything all at once!
— Benny Bellamacina, Philosophical Uplifting Quotes volume 2
I am strangely excited to see how snarky and sarcastic all us bookworms are going to become when we’re old. We’ll all be Mother Ogma’s with tattoos and piercings and purple WoW leggings carrying wands and staffs, and best of all everyone’s hair will finally be able to hold colour because we’ll all have white hair! We’ll all be blogging on WordPress and still waiting for Sherlock and still celebrating Christmas with Doctor Who specials while our grandchildren play quidditch…
— Katelynn Hillier
I thought the trees down in Lady Zelana’s country were about as big as a tree could get,” he said, “but the ones around here are so tall that they probably tickle the moon’s tummy when she goes by.
— David Eddings, Crystal Gorge
These days, you could stage a three-point orgy in the garden and nobody would bat an eye...
— Angela Carter
Wad Rayyes, you're a man who talks. rubbish. Your whole brain's in the head of your penis and the head of your penis is as small as your brain.
— Tayeb Salih, Season of Migration to the North
Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it.
— Judith Chambers
God gave you brain so that you can give him rest.
— Wheto Joseph Seyon
The raven settled back. “Dog is Cordi.” “Said that.” Percy took flight from Kate’s shoulder and landed next to the raven. “First.” Copernicus swatted the parrot with a wing. Percy ducked his head, feathers fluffing, and twisted, bumping the other bird with his rear. David intervened before a bird brawl broke out in earnest. “Enough, you two.
— Gayla Drummond, Something to Curse About
Giving up drinking for life is easy.I've done it loads of times.
— Peter James West
Laugh and the world laughs with you.Fart and you're on your own.
— Peter James West
You only get one life.Too bad you already made a mess of it.
— Peter James West
. . . Mrs. Arcanum considered foreign parts only marginally less unspeakable than private parts. . .
— Terry Pratchett, The Truth
The day you start accepting that life is a bitch and laughing over it, is the day you won't seem to mind how many puppies she gives.
— Manmeet Singh Narang
Dawson!” Ash yelled from below. “What are you doing? Stop! Do something, Adam!”Adam’s laugh followed. “Someone needed to put Andrew in his place. I always figured it would be Daemon. Who knew.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Shadows
You're sure?' I asked. 'I mean, the Lord of the Sword is great. But you could also be, I don't know, the Slammer of the Hammer'.
— Rick Riordan, The Hammer of Thor
Then he started his period.One week in bed.Two doctors in.Three painkillers four times a day.And later a letter to the powers-that-bedemanding full-paid menstrual leave twelve weeks per year.
— Carol Ann Duffy, Selected Poems
The sky's gone blue: azure, the ocean bluer: cerulean, the trees are swirls of every hella freaking green on earth and bright thick eggy yellow is spilling over everything. Awesome. Doomsday's most definitely been cancelled. Landscape: When God Paints Outside The Lines
— Jandy Nelson
Mission accomplished' I said.Pudge my friend we are indefuckingstructable.
— John Green, Looking For Alaska
Pardon me if, reading that, I want to laugh, because you want to relieve me of a fear I've never had. I've never thought that, as they say, you eat little children.
— Jeanne D'Albret
He plugged the phone into the outlet.It rang. Roman stared at it as if it were a viper. The phone rang again. He unplugged it. “There.” “It can’t be that bad,” I told him. “Oh, it’s bad.” Roman nodded. “My dad refused to help my second sister buy a house, because he doesn’t like her boyfriend. My mother called him and it went badly. She cursed him. Every time he urinates, the stream arches up and over.
— Ilona Andrews, Magic Binds
You're Missing a hand."  And you're missing a brain!
— Nadine Brandes, A Time to Rise
I do not encourage early morning chirpiness, even in those whom I know and love. It is generally a sign of a sloppy mind, and is not to be encouraged.
— Alan Bradley, Thrice the Brinded Cat Hath Mew'd
Indeed, it may most verily be saidThat only death and taxes certain are.
— Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's The Phantom of Menace
You can't conceive the perverse ingenuity he could put into hiding his affections.
— May Sinclair, The Token
You want them to give Batman counselling sessions?""It's genius. Just make Bruce Wayne get over his shit, then, presto, no more Batman. The baddies win by default.
— Jay Stringer, How to Kill Friends and Implicate People
Don't go getting offended my friend, I have much worse things to say to you.-Ad'Dam, Journey from Atremes
— Riley Amos Westbrook
An avalanche is just a snowflake that got pissed off.
— Andi James Chamberlain
two Lesbian Agents with glazed faces of grafted penis flesh sat sipping spinal fluid through alabaster straws
— William S Burroughs
Then I think, fuck it, this bit of floor looks nice.
— Jay Stringer, Ways to Die in Glasgow
I wanted to make at least an effort to impress, so I found my best suit, a Primark special that looked like it had been ironed by a blind man
— Jay Stringer, Ways to Die in Glasgow
No, he didn’t come to me for a gun. I only said that because of you, thought maybe you’d want one, with being shot and everything.’ ‘Why the fuck would I want a gun? Would you ask a man who’s just been bitten by a shark if he wants to buy a shark?
— Jay Stringer, Ways to Die in Glasgow
The two of them kept an eye open for every tree or temple we passed by, and turned to me for a reaction of piety which I gave them, of course, and with growing elaborateness: first just touching my eye, then my neck, then my clavicle, and even my nipples.  They were convinced I was the most religious servant on earth.
— Aravind Adiga, The White Tiger
We ran both the courier service and a detective agency from the same office, and had phone apps for both. Basically, we're Uber for parcels and mysteries.
— Jay Stringer, How to Kill Friends and Implicate People
The bullets are gun-eggs,” Collingswood said to Baron, looking at Vardy. Farmers squeezing their holy metal beasts to percussive climax, fertilisation by cordite expulsion, violent ovipositors. Seeking warm places full of nutrients, protecting baby guns deep in the bone cages, until they hatched.
— China Miéville, Kraken
I like it subdued and tepid, with far to much milk
— Andi James Chamberlain, ONE MAN AND HIS DOGMA: A Novel
The rest of the evening passed agreeably: the crew had their games on the main deck, resigning themselves to Sirs and dice now that dancing was out, those who would go ashore to enjoy the dining halls and tea houses went after their matches were lost, and those who remained either took themselves off to an early rest or remained with the musicians, to sing out the remainder of the evening by way of a few round songs, calling out verses in melodic dissonance, singing the history of Good Marrie the Whore and though there were “Ten hands in her purse, there was still room for one more!”,
— Michelle Franklin
It’s a terrible person who listens to what we say rather than what we mean
— F.D.  Lee, The Fairy's Tale
Daddy loved his son. Daddy believed his son walked on water. Daddy, Mike had long ago decided, was an idiot.
— Nicholas Sparks, The Guardian
Sometimes You Need To Do The Wrong Thing For The Right Reason.
— Mensah Samuel
Jack picked a piece of mint from his glass and chewed on it for a second. “I’m curious,” he said,“is telling someone to relax ever helpful? It’s like saying ‘breathe’ to someone who ishyperventilating or ‘swallow’ to a person who’s choking. It’s a completely useless admonition.
— Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney, The Nest
The worst part of being a driver is that you have hours to yourself while waiting for your employer. You can spend this time chitchatting and scratching your groin. You can read murder and rape magazines. You can develop the chauffeur's habit it's a kind of yoga, really of putting a finger in your nose and letting your mind go blank for hours (they should call it the "bored driver's asana").
— Aravind Adiga, The White Tiger
I wondered: if I was so hell-bent on chaos, why would I adopt a military rank? Perhaps there was a part of me that needed rules, needed regulations and order.
— Steven Poore, The Evil Genius Guide
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
— Chic Murray (1919-1985).
Not just one way to describe ourselves, but two ways, at least.Not just one way to hunt for a job, but two ways, at least.Not just one kind of job to hunt for, but two kinds of jobs, at least.Not just one size company to go after, but two sizes, at least.Not just one place we really would like to work at, but two places, at least.
— Richard N. Bolles, What Color Is Your Parachute? 2012: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers
I'm not stupid... I'm just too lazy to show you the extend of my knowledge!
— Oreki Houtarou
Life is difficult and those who make us laugh are angels.
— Wayne Gerard Trotman
One minute he stood transfixed, the next he uttered a crushing oath, and took a hasty stride forward. Mr Ringwood, recovering from his own stupefaction, closed with him, just as George, flushing vividly, sprang to his
— Georgette Heyer, Friday's Child
Sadly, like many times in life, including winning the lottery, we don’t always get what we wish for.
— Adele          Rose, Possession
Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it. I would punch your life in the face.
— Brian Lee O'Malley
I'm starting to think you like prisons," "And that you have the worst taste in men.
— Victoria Aveyard, Glass Sword
Oh poor Octave, no luck at all, as usual," said Madame Rocher, "he is still with his regiment, still only a captain. Of course, if it hadn't been for this wretched war, he would be at least a colonel by now.
— Nancy Mitford, The Blessing
There isn’t anything I can tell you that you don’t already know,” Melly answered.“Yes, but if we already know it then you’re not telling us anything new,” Bea said, thinking her way through the carriages of fear on the witch’s train of thought, “and if we don’t tell you what we know and what we don’t know, then you won’t know if you’ve actually told us something we don’t know, and what you don’t know we don’t know won’t hurt you.”Melly stared at Bea, her cigarette hanging from her lip in defeat.“Did that make sense?” Joan asked.“Yes,” Melly said slowly, “but it probably shouldn’t have done.
— F.D.  Lee, The Fairy's Tale
I can always make up my mind better when there's a man around, because I know the thing to do is just the opposite to what he says.
— Sophie Kerr, Tigers is Only Cats
What does she even eat, do you think?""Tea fungus,"Ruth says. "Unsweetened. From an eye dropper. Is what I picture. either that or some sort of sea vegetable.""Sad," I say."It is," Ruth muses.We decide to order two skim milk cappuccinos and split a gluten-free carrot cake cupcake.
— Mona Awad, 13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl
And who among the company at Monseigneur's reception in that seventeen hundred and eightieth year of our Lord, could possibly doubt, that a system rooted in a frizzled hangman, powdered, gold-laced, pumped, and white-silk stockinged, would see the very stars out!
— Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
Well, now you can see how sensible it is not to start your day by guessing what might happen... After all, how long would I have had to go on guessing before I guessed this?
— Jonas Jonasson, The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared
There are a number of rules that should be observed when one meets royalty, ranging from what one can say and when, to where one should stand, when one can sit, even where one should look. Sindy bobbed a nervous curtsy and, before being introduced, blurted out an invitation to come inside whilst looking John directly in the eye.
— F.D.  Lee, The Fairy's Tale
I m not funny, really m not !!! I just tell people the truth, and then they start laughing and say haha you are funny...but seriously m not!!!
— shashankbisht
Our family car was the antithesis of designs and desirability. It was like driving Hitler's moustache.
— Samantha Bee
i { } you more than {(({ }))}
— Maria Headley
Fifty grand for a paper bucket? Well it was all about context, you see.
— Paul Christensen, The Hungry Wolves of Van Diemen's Land
Clearly, she hadn’t heard of the two words ‘social’ and ‘life’.
— Adele          Rose, Possession
With every step, I cursed the person who had ever invented the saying: “Speak of the devil”. Clearly, they had no sympathy for me!
— Adele          Rose, Possession
Hecate smelt the odour of death as clearly as she might smell the wonderful, scented fragrance of blooming flowers in springtime or the delicious smell of dinner wafting down the hallway.
— Adele          Rose, Possession
The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We seldom look up to the person
—  we usually look up to their persona.
Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
How could they have forgotten the importance of today’s date? My brain screamed at me as, with shaking fingers, I climbed the stairs to the bus, before making my way to the back, out of sight. My birthday, like the norm, happens on the same date every year. Therefore, the confused part of my brain argued, how could they have all simply forgotten this fact and acted so “normal” when I entered the kitchen this morning? They may have been abducted by aliens in the night? This was a voice from the incomprehensible area of my mind. Consequently, their behaviour would make complete sense then! Furthermore, answered another voice from the same ridiculous compartment, they could’ve simply gone to bed last night fine and then awoken the next morning with amnesia? Sometimes, these things happen unexpectedly. Adele Rose, Awakening.
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Surely, if my parents and older brother were awake now, that would mean that they would have remembered such an important date and, as soon as they saw me, congratulate me on living another year? Adele Rose, Awakening.
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I have tremendous respect for anyone who can control his palate enough to learn not only to drink beer but to enjoy it too.
— Eknath Easwaran, The Mantram Handbook
Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I guess that the goddess Venus wasn’t on my side with this fine specimen of the male gender!
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
Although he was undeniably handsome, at the end of the day, he was still some random stranger, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, wanted to talk to me and who knew my name. The term ‘Stranger Danger’ flashed before my eyes! Therefore, no matter how hot he was, I wasn’t going to let my guard down…yet.
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
Make a run for it! A voice in my head commanded me. Make a run for it, before it’s too late! This voice was clearly sensible. However, sometimes I wasn’t sensible, especially when intrigue was involved.
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
PE! This word was comprised of two single letters, which would normally not cause anyone any trouble. They were two single letters that were usually associated with the further words of “health” and “extended life” and therefore, had a positive reputation. However, for me, the P and the E put together was the worst possible combination. Every time they were mentioned, I would sigh in displeasure, my heart rate would increase and I would feel lightheaded. After all, in my mind, PE = exercise and exercise = torture!
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
I was in my element, excuse the pun.
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
His tricks had raised the temperature of the room considerably, although I was pretty sure his presence alone had that effect.
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
How could I suddenly go from a person who had struggled to dissect an already dead mouse, to someone who was willing to murder a human being? There was no logic to it!
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
It his mind, they reminded him of ‘Tweedle Dee’ and ‘Tweedle Dum’, with an extra emphasise placed on the ‘Dum’!
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
Hecate dresses in all black, is extremely pale, unearthly beautiful and has the most chilling eyes I’ve ever known. All in all, she comes across as one of ‘The Walking Dead’ – except alive and far prettier!
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
The library could be summed up in three words – enormous, ancient and dusty – extremely dusty. It was exactly like those magnificent libraries you more or less see in every gothic movie. What’s more, I was thankful that I was not an asthmatic, for this was most definitely their form of hell.
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
So much for a “Happy Halloween!” I thought sarcastically. I should wear a huge sign around my neck from now onwards that reads: ‘Stay clear of me if you want your party to survive the night’!
— Adele          Rose, Awakening
Soon, they actually began to titter on their toes as they glared at me, looking more like an army of angry wasps than ever before. All they needed now were matching yellow and black jumpers and pretend stingers!
— Adele          Rose, Possession
Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
But tonight I'll go alone. You're about as stealthy as a lame elephant. See you later." She patted me on the shoulder and took off down the path, leaving me behind, both charmed and insulted. The side effects of hanging around Charlotte Holmes.
— Brittany Cavallaro, A Study in Charlotte
Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people, on waking up, accelerate through a quick panicky pre-consciousness check-up: who am I, where am I, who is he/she, good god, why am I cuddling a policeman's helmet, what happened last night?And this is because people are riddled by Doubt. It is the engine that drives them through their lives. It is the elastic band in the little model aeroplane of their soul, and they spend their time winding it up until it knots. Early morning is the worst time -there's that little moment of panic in case You have drifted away in the night and something else has moved in. This never happened to Granny Weatherwax. She went straight from asleep to instant operation on all six cylinders. She never needed to find herself because she always knew who was doing the looking.
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Sir William was also startled, but when Vicky smiled at him, rather in the manner of an engaging street-urchin, his countenance relaxed slightly, and he asked her what she was doing with herself now that she had come home to live."Well it all depends," she replied seriously.Sir William had no daughters, but only his memories of his sisters to guide him, so he said that he had no doubt she was a great help to her mother, arranging flowers, and that kind of thing."Oh no, only if it's that sort of a day!" said Vicky.Sir William was still turning this remark over in his mind when the butler came in to announce that dinner was served.
— Georgette Heyer, No Wind of Blame
Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some women have kissed—and some are kissing—a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
(on learning Westlife had beaten Oasis, U2 and The Beatles in an album chart battle in November 2006): There is no God.
— Noel Gallagher
Why, how much did you tip him?'Ford named a figure again.'I don't know how much it is,' said Arthur. 'What's it worth in pounds sterling? What could it buy you?''It would probably buy you, roughly... er...' Ford screwed his eyes up as he did some calculations in his head. 'Switzerland,' he said at last.
— Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
A laugh a day does you more good than an apple – read a humours book ...
— James Minter, The Unexpected Consequences of Iron Overload
Most women sell sex
—  most of them just don’t take cash (nor do they each sell to more than one ‘client’ at a time).
Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. Absence makes the bloody penis wander. ~ Heartbreak's A Bitch!
— S.M Phillips
Most unintelligent or foolish people do not regard themselves as that
—  they regard themselves as not-that-intelligent or not-that-wise.
Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
During the next week, everyone noticed that my appetite had improved, even Toddy. “Are you done with your hunger strike?” he asked me curiously, one morning. “Toddy, eat your breakfast.” “But I thought that was what it was called. When people don’t eat.” “No, a hunger strike is for people in prison,” Kitsey said coolly. “Kitten,” said Mr. Barbour, in a warning tone. “Yes, but he ate three waffles yesterday,” said Toddy, looking eagerly between his uninterested parents in an attempt to engage them. “I only ate two waffles. And this morning he ate a bowl of cereal and six pieces of bacon, but you said five pieces of bacon was too much for me. Why can’t I have five pieces, too?
— Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch
But when she was annoyed with me, she had a cold way of saying “Apparently” in answer to almost anything I said, making me feel stupid. “Um, I can’t find the can opener.” “Apparently.” “There’s going to be a lunar eclipse tonight.” “Apparently.” “Look, sparks are coming out of the wall socket.” “Apparently.
— Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch
If I could do it all again, I would start three hundred years ago, and write twice as fast.
— Peter James West
If I could split myself into five people, I would still be behind on my writing schedule. I see now why James Patterson cloned himself so many times.
— Peter James West
Hunter could only groan. “What are you doing, Kristen?”“Bringing breakfast.” She replied innocently. “Think of it as thanks for saving my life.”Hunter sat up in bed, looking his usual ruffled morning mess, with extra dark circles under the eyes today. “Technically, I didn’t save your life, Mel did.”“Ok, then think of it as punishment for putting my life at risk.” Kristen shrugged, and helped herself to a piece of toast. “It’s all a ruse, anyway.
— K.S. Marsden, The Shadow Falls
And if you can't trust an ancient talking tree, what was the point of having one?
— Michael J. Sullivan, Age of Myth
When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You know why horror-movie characters always get killed? Because they've never seen horror movies. They don't know how it works. Right? But we do. So no one go into the basement alone. No one go screaming off into the woods alone. No one has any sex.
— Carrie Vaughn, Kitty's House of Horrors
There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people do not really hate aging
—  they merely love the colour black.
An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He created waterfalls for her out of the morning dew, and from the colored pebbles of a meadow stream he made a necklace more beautiful than emeralds, sadder than pearls. She caught him in her net of silken hair, she carried him down, down, into deep and silent waters, past obliteration. He showed her frozen stars and molten sun; she gave him long, entwined shadows and the sound of black velvet. He reached out to her and touched moss, grass, ancient trees, iridescent rocks; her fingertips, striving upwards, brushed old planets and silver moonlight, the flash of comets and the cry of dissolving suns.
— Robert Sheckley, Mindswap
What use is of an eye to be open if it's not there to see! Shouldn't it rather be gauged or closed for it deceives?
— Mapogo Chuene
We'll see what you find out," Stew said. "You'll find out what it feels like to be thrown from a speeding train to the rocky bottom of a drained sea. Except you won't really find out, because you'll be dead. Get it? What I mean is, it'll kill you when I throw you from this train so you'll be in no state to find out what it feels like. Get it? Due to your death by falling from a train.
— Lemony Snicket, Why Is This Night Different from All Other Nights?
It is hard to be kind to those who smack the hands that feed you.
— Jackson Taviri
Remember the plan?” Hunter asked as they drew closer to their target.Kristen looked at him sceptically. "'Keep quiet and don’t get seen’ is not a very professional plan. Did you have anything else to add?
— K.S. Marsden, The Shadow Falls
Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana