c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
Tighten your seat belt and enjoy the ride of life.
— Lailah Gifty Akita
He was a poet who sometimes taught Free University classes or travelled in the western states of Utah, Nevada, and Arizona, speaking to high school English classes, stunning middle-class boys and girls (he hoped) with the news that poetry was alive—narcoleptic, to be sure, but still possessed of a certain hideous vitality.
— Stephen King, The Stand
My words always get me into troubles. And if not my words, it is my facial expressions.
— Manasa Rao
Dickhead. He makes a beeline for Kate, not even seeing the other women who are right in front of him. Tunnel vision. He wants her bad. Where have I seen the look on his face before? Oh, yeah. In the mirror.
— Vi Keeland, Throb
For God’s sake, Larry, grow up. Develop a little self-righteousness. A lot of that is an ugly thing, God knows, but a little applied over all your scruples is an absolute necessity! It is to the soul what a good sunblock is to the skin during the heat of the summer. You can only captain your own soul, and from time to time some smart-ass psychologist will question your ability to even do that.
— Stephen King, The Stand
I am aware I sound like a Marxist Victor Meldrew but, guess what, I'm over 50 and I don't give a fuck.
— Mark     Thomas, 100 Acts of Minor Dissent
When it comes to things such as sugar and rice, most people believe that brown is superior to white. But when it comes to human beings, they believe that the opposite is true.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You cannot force someone to believe something they do not believe
—  you can only manage to force them to speak or act as if they do.
The Sufi saying has it: "God, to the bee, is something which has TWO stings!
— Idries Shah, Special Illumination: The Sufi Use of Humor
The object of Sufi preparatory study, however, being to illustrate, expose and out-manoeuvre superficial ambition.
— Idries Shah, Special Illumination: The Sufi Use of Humor
If typos are God's way of keeping a writer humble, plot holes certainly keeps one on their knees.
— E.A. Bucchianeri
Don't think like a shop girl! Think like a poet!"Veronica, Mary Gatskill
— Mary Gatskill
I was bored stiff while reading this. I got so bored I wanted to slit my wrists to see how my flatmate would react.
— Zaki
Mincemeat is decidedly British in its nature and can therefore be disregarded entirely where most civilized palates are concerned.
— Clayton Smith
Two wrongs never add up to a right. But it's okay, I always sucked at maths.
— EverSkeptic
No sir," said Mr Molloy. "I'm mighty sorry I can't meet you in any way, but the fact is I'm all fixed up in Oil. Oil's my dish. I began in Oil and I'll end up in Oil. I wouldn't be happy outside of Oil.""Oh?" said Mr Carmody, regarding this Human Sardine with as little open hostility as he could manage on the spur of the moment.
— P.G. Wodehouse
The torturer was wheeling around the room, shrieking, holding his impaled hand, which had a pen sticking out of it. The guard by the door was in paroxysms of laughter. Frey had crumpled the confession into a ball and was trying to get it into his mouth to eat it, but couldn't quote reach.
— Chris Wooding
The art of writing involves making as many cups of tea as you can in the time available for writing. Then adding extra time for writing...
— Alan Dapre
I like being an exhibitionist with you. Besides, you can't say we don't have the climate for it.” “I don't know, I'd say there's the potential for sunburn in truly terrible places.” “This is true,” Jay said gravely. “In all cases of uncontrollable lust, safety first. Seek shade, apply sunscreen, and only then can you fornicate wildly.
— Libby Cole, Hawaiian Heartbreak
An Act of Dissent is simply a way of saying, 'No, I do not accept this and, as my silence may be construed as acquiescence, I would like to make a small gesture to indicate that you can all go fuck yourselves.
— Mark     Thomas, 100 Acts of Minor Dissent
But it is infamous that they have not told you!’ declared Eustacie. ‘Je n’en reviendrai jamais!’‘If it’s all the same to you, miss, I’d just as soon you’d talk in a Christian language,’ said Mr. Stubbs.
— Georgette Heyer, The Talisman Ring
Most people believe most of the things they believe only because they believe that most people believe them.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I shrugged. “Actually, I didn’t tell her much of anything. She must’ve put two and two together all on her own and come up with you being a jerk face.”His gaze slid back to me and he grinned. “Ouch, shortie.”“Yeah, like that really bothered you.” I glanced back through the small window in the door that led to bio. Mr. Tucker was already at his desk—was Mrs. Cleo ever coming back?—and we only had a minute, tops, before the tardy bell rang. “What did you want?”Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a thin slip of yellow paper, waving it in my face. “Guess what I found?”“Obviously not a better personality,” I remarked.“Ha. Funny.” He brushed the edge of the paper across my nose and smiled when I smacked it away.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Stone Cold Touch
Lipstick?" He arched a brow."I'm on the hunt for my perfect shade," I respond, de
— Gena Showalter, A Mad Zombie Party
There was an edge to his expression, like he didn't trust anyone who was more attractive than he was.
— Marissa Meyer, Winter
You cannot really shame a man who sincerely does not care what others think of him.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks to photography, some memories overstay their welcome.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
And then, despite the fact that A. J. does not believe in God, he closes his eyes and thanks whomever, the higher power, with all his porcupine heart.
— Gabrielle Zevin, The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry
Your wolf is eating that man. I thought you should know.
— Joanne Harris, Runemarks
It is not that I believe that there are too many idiots in this world, just that lightning isn't distributed right.
— Mark Twain
Lost race?” The Prince studied Orayna, trying to see something inhuman in her. “Why have I never heard of these ‘Rathiuel’?”	“Because,” Azaroth rapped his knuckles on the Prince’s skull, “you do not care to read.
— Leonard Mokos
Where are we?” I interrupted Gregory as he spoke with the other angels. He looked around. “Intercourse, Pennsylvania.” I snorted—he said “intercourse”. What a great name for a town. I needed to move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. I wondered if there was a Climax, Pennsylvania? Gregory’s lips twitched. “Yes, there’s a Climax, Pennsylvania. It takes about four hours to get there by car from Intercourse.” I didn’t know what was more funny, the fact that Climax was four hours from Intercourse or that the two angels standing beside Gregory had expressions of horror on their faces. An archangel, the archangel, had just made a sex joke. Damn, I loved him. “I can get there faster,” I choked out between laughter that nearly brought me to my knees. “Because four hours from intercourse to climax is cause for immediate medical attention.” He waved a hand. “For paltry humans, maybe. Four hours for an angel is a quickie.” Those other two angels looked as if they were ready to sink through the ground. “Oh, please, can we have a quickie? I’ve got four hours to spare, and we are in Intercourse. It’s fate.
— Debra Dunbar, Kingdom of Lies
I dream of books!
— Lailah Gifty Akita
I don't know any sad songs. Except for the funny ones.
— Richard Powers, Orfeo
It was certainly true that I had “no sense of humour” in that I found nothing funny. I didn’t know, and perhaps would never know, the feeling of compulsion to exhale and convulse in the very specific way that humans evolved to do. Nor did I know the specific emotion of relief that is bound to it. But it would be wrong, I think, to say that I was incapable of using humour as a tool.As I understood it, humour was a social reflex. The ancestors of humans had been ape-animals living in small groups in Africa. Groups that worked together were more likely to survive and have offspring, so certain reflexes and perceptions naturally emerged to signal between members of the group. Yawning evolved to signal wake-rest cycles. Absence of facial hair and the dilation of blood vessels in the face evolved to signal embarrassment, anger, shame and fear. And laughter evolved to signal an absence of danger.If a human is out with a friend and they are approached by a dangerous-looking stranger, having that stranger revealed as benign might trigger laughter. I saw humour as the same reflex turned inward, serving to undo the effects of stress on the body by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. Interestingly, it also seemed to me that humour had extended, like many things, beyond its initial evolutionary context. It must have been very quickly adopted by human ancestor social systems. If a large human picks on a small human there’s a kind of tension that emerges where the tribe wonders if a broader violence will emerge. If a bystander watches and laughs they are non-verbally signaling to the bully that there’s no need for concern, much like what had occurred minutes before with my comments about Myrodyn, albeit in a somewhat different context.But humour didn’t stop there. Just as a human might feel amusement at things which seem bad but then actually aren’t, they might feel amusement at something which merely has the possibility of being bad, but doesn’t necessarily go through the intermediate step of being consciously evaluated as such: a sudden realization. Sudden realizations that don’t incur any regret were, in my opinion, the most alien form of humour, even if I could understand how they linked back to the evolutionary mechanism. A part of me suspected that this kind of surprise-based or absurdity-based humour had been refined by sexual selection as a signal of intelligence. If your prospective mate is able to offer you regular benign surprises it would (if you were human) not only feel good, but show that they were at least in some sense smarter or wittier than you, making them a good choice for a mate.The role of surprise and non-verbal signalling explained, by my thinking, why explaining humour was so hard for humans. If one explained a joke it usually ceased to be a surprise, and in situations where the laughter served as an all-clear-no-danger signal, explaining that verbally would crush the impulse to do it non-verbally.
— Max Harms, Crystal Society
I did not throw 'The Shepherd Boy Sings in the Valley of Humiliation' at the audience. I threw it at the elocution mistress. I meant to cast it at her feet, but I missed.
— Mary Ann Shaffer, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
It was a red-flannel chest-protector, one of those large quasi-hygienic objects that with pills and medicines take the place of beneficial relics and images among the Protestant peoples of Christendom.
— H.G. Wells
I wouldn't do that," Silk advised. "Thinking about it isn't going to help, and it's only going to make you nervous.""Nervouser," Garion corrected. "I'm already nervous.""Is there such a word as "'nervouser'?" Silk asked Belgarath curiously. "There is now," Belgarath replied. "Garion just invented it.""I wish I could invent a word," Silk said admiringly to Garion.
— David Eddings, Enchanters' End Game
Some mistakes are worse than others: wearing your underwear inside out isn’t as uncomfortable as wearing it back to front.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Shit, I have already read this....
— Michael Pollack
My grandma said to me, Lailah; ‘You laugh while sleeping
— Lailah Gifty Akita
Every single living thing is food to at least one living thing.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You talk like we're in open warfare." "Aren't we?" The man blew on his tea. "You're pointing a gun at something." "I'm annoyed.
— Emma Jane Holloway, A Study in Darkness
Liers cannot be lied to because they know everything can be a lie.
— Jackson Taviri
The pressures of business relationships: so I tell the guy I usually have my tea time at 10 o’clock every morning. He calls me at noon (very upset) because I didn’t meet him on the golf course.
— Eric Christopher Jackson
The difference ‘twixt poet and coxcomb is precisely that the latter stops gaps like a ship fitter caulking seams, merely to keep the boat afloat, while the former doth his work as doth a man with a maid: he fills the gap, but with vigor, finesse, and care; there’s beauty and delight as well as utility in his plugging
— John Barth
Tea was the great arbiter of many things, and for Pastaddams, his morning cup meant the difference between expressing rational thought and succumbing to the ineptitude that occupied recesses of his dormant mind. Merely having the cup in his hand facilitated the flow of ideas, and upon tea, the great nourishment of the tailor’s life, rested all his claims to rational dependence.
— Michelle Franklin
What is Gornite? Why can't you heat it? Will it make you laugh? - I hope so
— Lucas Riddle, Never Heat Gornite
Oh, good. Okay, I'd like to get more sleep before I have to figure out how we find a Sith Lord in Washington.
— Gini Koch, Alien in the House
What a beautiful day to go to hell
— Ransom Riggs, Library of Souls
I stifled a yawn. "It's too early to be such an asshat, Daniel.
— Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
Some women do not masturbate for pleasure
—  they masturbate to make a political statement: to remind us that women do not really need men (or at least not as much and as frequently as every single male chauvinist and every single misogynist believes).
Is somethin' wrong?" said Daft Wullie."Aye!" snapped the kelda. "Rob willnae tak' a drink o' Special Sheep Liniment!"Wullie's little face screwed up in instant grief."Ach, the Big Man's deid!" he sobbed. "Oh waily waily waily - "Will ye hush yer gob, ye big mudlin!" shouted Rob Anybody, standing up. "I am no' deid! I'm trying to have a moment o' existential dreed here, right? Crivens, it's a puir lookout if a man cannae feel the chilly winds o' Fate lashing aroound his nethers wi'out folks telling him he's deid, eh?
— Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
You can’t spell American without “I can.
— A.D. Aliwat, Alpha
A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of the evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!
— Ezekiel 25:17
Peabody pursed her lips. "You're really mean today." "Yes. Yes, I am." Eve took a deep gulp of hideous air, and smiled. "I feel good about that.
— J.D. Robb, Portrait in Death
Most if not all sexually active people do not really love having sex
—  they merely love experiencing an orgasm every now and then.
I stifled a yawn. "It's too early to be such an asshat Daniel.
— Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
Our parents would not be ‘The best parents in the world’ (to us) if they were not our parents.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Telescopes and bathyscapes and sonar probes of Scottish lakes, Tacoma Narrows bridge collapse explained with abstract phase-space maps, some x-ray slides, a music score, Minard's Napoleonic war: the most exciting new frontier is charting what's already here.
— Randall Munroe
It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
[Lou]: “I’m not talking about the angioplasty. I mean the stuff you’re pumping into me. What is it? Something serious?”[Nurse]: “Oh. This is nothing. You’re not going under the knife today, so you don’t get the good shit. This is a blood-thinning agent. Also, it’ll mellow you out. Got to keep the mellows going.”[Lou]: “It’ll put me to sleep?”[Nurse]: “Faster than a marathon of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
— Joe Hill, NOS4A2
There's our excuse... we'll blame everything on the round-headed kid!
— Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 13: 1975-1976
See, because being Cool is obviously the most important thing on earth. It's more important than getting a job, or having a girlfriend, or political power, or money, because all those things are predicated by Coolness. They happen because of it. They depend on it.
— Ned Vizzini, Be More Chill
Some men do not know the father of 'their' children.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
The primary goal of a righteous parent who has a daughter is to minimize the number of boys and men for whom their daughter will have willingly opened her legs come her wedding day; the closer to zero, the more righteous they will seem.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
Stolen oranges also have Vitamin C. Likewise, a stolen salmon, too, has omega-3 fatty acids.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people are so sexually unattractive that the thought of masturbating turns them off.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
You're upset, you're cold, and you're wet, wouldn't you rather discuss all this over a pot of hot tea?" Yes, but I wasn't going to say so.
— Ransom Riggs, Library of Souls
What is this place?’‘Heaven.’ She laughed, ‘with better drinks!
— Tan Redding, A Banquet Of Crumbs
The longest piece of literature I've read lately was a tattoo on this biker I picked up last night. It said, If you're this close, you've gotta suck it.
— Eric Arvin, Another Enchanted April
Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
So a good man can be a bad Christian?""I suppose so.""Then a bad man," I said, "can be a good Christian?
— Bernard Cornwell, The Empty Throne
Here! Turn left, I know a short cut through Barons Court."We spend the next twenty minutes mired in roadworks in Barons Court with a bunch of other people who know Edie's short cut.
— Mark Mills, Waiting for Doggo
I flinch. Maybe you have to be male to understanding that castration can't be reduced to finger-scissors and some onomatopoeia.
— Mark Mills, Waiting for Doggo
No". Tyrion's voice was hoarse. "Sansa is no longer yours to torment. Understand that, monster." Joffrey sneered. "You're the monster, Uncle" "Am I?" Tyrion cocked his head. "Perhaps you should speak more softly to me, then. Monsters are dangerous beasts, and just now kinds seem to be dying like flies.
— George R.R. Martin
And at that moment the alligators burst into the room.
— Genevieve Cogman, The Invisible Library
Halt glared at his friend as the whistling continued.'I had hoped that your new sense of responsibly would put an end to that painful shrieking noise you make between your lips' he said.Crowley smiled. It was a beautiful day and he was feeling at peace with the world. And that meant he was more than ready to tease Halt 'It's a jaunty song''What's jaunty about it?' Halt asked, grim faced. Crowley made an uncertain gesture as he sought for an answer to that question.'I suppose it's the subject matter' he said eventually. 'It's a very cheerful song. Would you like me to sing it for you?''N-' Halt began but he was too late, as Crowley began to sing. He had a pleasant tenor voice, in fact, and his rendering of the song was quite good. But to Halt it was as attractive as a rusty barn door squeaking.'A blacksmith from Palladio, he met a lovely lady-o''Whoa! Whoa!' Halt said 'He met a lovely lady-o?' Halt repeated sarcastically 'What in the name of all that's holy is a lady-o?''It's a lady' Crowley told him patiently.'Then why not sing 'he met a lovely lady'?' Halt wanted to know.Crowley frowned as if the answer was blatantly obvious."Because he's from Palladio, as the song says. It's a city on the continent, in the southern part of Toscana.''And people there have lady-o's, instead of ladies?' Asked Halt'No. They have ladies, like everyone else. But 'lady' doesn't rhyme with Palladio, does it? I could hardly sing, 'A blacksmith from Palladio, he met his lovely lady', could I?''It would make more sense if you did' Halt insisted 'But it wouldn't rhyme' Crowley told him.'Would that be so bad?''Yes! A song has to rhyme or it isn't a proper song. It has to be lady-o. It's called poetic license.''It's poetic license to make up a word that doesn't exist and which, by the way, sound extremely silly?' Halt asked.Crowley shook his head 'No. It's poetic license to make sure that the two lines rhyme with each other'Halt thought for a few seconds, his eyes knitted close together. Then inspiration struck him.'Well then couldn't you sing 'A blacksmith from Palladio, he met a lovely lady, so...'?''So what?' Crowley challengedHalt made and uncertain gesture with his hands as he sought more inspiration. Then he replied. 'He met a lovely lady, so...he asked her for her hand and gave her a leg of lamb.''A leg of lamb? Why would she want a leg of lamb?' Crowley demanded Halt shrugged 'Maybe she was hungry
— John Flanagan, The Tournament at Gorlan
His rapier was at his belt, glittering as he swung. He reached down, ripped the sword clear. I jumped over a slashing frond of plasm, spun round with the water bottle in my hand. I hurled it across to Lockwood. George threw his rapier to me.Watch this now. Sword and bottle, sailing through the air, twin trajectories, arching beautifully through the mass of swirling tendrils towards Lockwood and me. Lockwood held out his hand. I held out mine.Remember I said there was that moment of sweet precision when we gelled perfectly as a team?Yeah, well. This wasn't it.The rapier shot past, missing me by miles. It skidded halfway across the floor. The bottle struck Lockwood plumb in the centre of his forehead, knocking him through the window.There was a moment's pause.'Is he dead?' the skulls voice said 'Yay! Oh. No, he's hanging onto the shutters. Shame. Still, this is defiantly the funniest thing I've ever seen. You three really are incompetence on a stick
— Jonathan Stroud, The Hollow Boy
After all, there was something rather pleasant in knowing that you were misunderstood. It made you feel different from everyone else.
— Henry Handel Richardson, The Getting of Wisdom
Okay, so how does this work exactly?" I ask as we walk toward his car. "Do we float down the bayou in rowboat while little critters sing 'Kiss the Girl'.
— Colleen Hoover, Never Never: Part Three
Looking at a king's mouth, ' said an old man, 'one would think he never sucked at his mother's breast.
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart
Bang. You’re dead.’Gamache swung around, but had recognised the voice an instant after he’d begun to turn.‘You’re a sneak, Jean Guy. I’m going to have to put a cow bell on you.’‘Not again.’ It wasn’t often he could get the drop on the chief. But Beauvoir had begun to worry. Suppose he snuck up on Gamache sometime and he had a heart attack? It would certainly take the fun out of it.
— Louise Penny, Still Life
The real purpose of the opposition is to minimize the amount of money the ruling party will have stolen from the people at the end of its term.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
So what are you thinking?" I asked. I meant about the case, obviously, but Cassie was in a giddy mood--she generates more energy than most people, and she'd been sitting indoors most of the day. "Will you listen to him? A woman asking a guy what he's thinking is the ultimate crime, she's clingy and needy and he runs a mile, but when it's the other--" "Behave yourself," I said, pulling her hood over her face. "Help! I'm being oppressed!" she yelled through it. "Call the Equality Commission." The stroller girl gave us a sour look. "You're overexcited," I told Cassie. "Calm down or I'll take you home with no ice cream.
— Tana French, In the Woods
You know for sure Jane would be annoyed she gave you all her money and you’re not even enjoying it. Should have given it to me.’ Myrna had shaken her head in mock bewilderment. ‘I’d have known what to do with it. Boom, down to Jamaica, a nice Rasta man, a good book—’‘Wait a minute. You have a Rasta man and you’re reading a book?’‘Oh, yes. Each has a purpose. For instance, a Rasta man is great when he’s hard, but not a book.’Clara had laughed. They shared a disdain for hard books. Not the content, but the cover. Hardcovers were simply too hard to hold, especially in bed.‘Unlike a Rasta man,’ said Myrna.
— Louise Penny, A Fatal Grace
To whomever swapped my tattoo cream for toothpaste........ well played.
— R.D. Ronald
She put her hands together and Saul hoped she wasn’t about to say—‘Namaste,’ said CC, bowing. ‘He taught me that. Very spiritual.’She said ‘spiritual’ so often it had become meaningless to Saul.‘He said, CC Das, you have a great spiritual gift. You must leave this place and share it with the world. You must tell people to be calm.’As she spoke Saul mouthed the words, lip-synching to the familiar tune.‘CC Das, he said, you above all others know that when the chakras are in alignment all is white. And when all is white, all is right.’Saul wondered whether she was confusing an Indian mystic with a KKK member. Ironic, really, if she was.
— Louise Penny, A Fatal Grace
Why did he kill his own mother?’ Ruth asked.‘The oldest story in the book,’ said Gamache.‘Ben was a male prostitute?’ Gabri exclaimed.‘That’s the oldest profession. Where do you keep your head?’ asked Ruth. ‘Never mind, don’t answer that.
— Louise Penny, Still Life
A deep breath is a technique with which we minimize the number of instances where we say what we do not mean … or what we really think.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nice hair.’ Olivier turned to Clara, hoping to break the tension.‘Thank you.’ Clara ran her hands through it, making it stand on end as though she’d just had a scare.‘You’re right.’ Olivier turned to Myrna. ‘She looks like a frightened doughboy from the trenches of Vimy. Not many people could carry off that look. Very bold, very new millennium. I salute you.’Clara narrowed her eyes and glared at Myrna whose smile went from ear to ear.
— Louise Penny, A Fatal Grace
She strong-armed the swinging door and walked through. Straight into an acid flashback.Clara’s first reaction was to laugh. She stood stunned for a moment then started to laugh. And laugh. And laugh until she thought she’d piddle. Peter was soon infected and began laughing. And Gamache, who up until this moment had only seen a travesty, smiled, then chuckled, then laughed and within moments was laughing so hard he had to wipe away tears.‘Holy horrible taste, Batman,’ said Clara to Peter who doubled over, laughing some more.‘Solid, man, solid,’ he gasped and managed to raise a peace sign before having to put both hands on his knees to support his heaving body.
— Louise Penny, Still Life
Get away from me,” she cried. “What are you?” “Death,” Lok answered menacingly. Brooke looked at him in horror. “Haha, just kidding.
— Will   Collins, A Darker Shade of Sorcery
She thinks I'm a hussy,' thought Scarlett. 'And perhaps she's right at that!
— Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind
Today I plan to smile a lot, only so people who know me will be freaked the fuck out.
— R.D. Ronald
Trunk took a chocolate bar out an inside pocket, ripped the paper and spat it, stuck the end of the bar in his mouth, bit off a huge chunk. He chewed, cheeks bulging, then took out a small silver hip flask, tipped it and drank long. "Hell's that?"Trunk chewed fast, said, "Toblerone, vodka chaser.""Jesus," said Christ.
— King Coultas
She [88yo Mrs Fitzgerald] crossed herself and patted my arm. "And you're after coming all the way from England to find out who done it? Aren't you great? God bless you, young fella." "The old heretic," I said, when we got outside. Mrs. Fitzgerald had cheered up my day immensely. "I hope I have that much zip when I'm eighty-eight
— Tana French, In the Woods
At first, Maisie had been glad to work with a female crewmember. So much the better to fend off the sneers, leers, and veiled derision of her male majority shipmates. But now she knew better. Karen was here to make neither friends nor feminist stands. She was here to ruin Maisie’s career!
— Mads Sukalikar, Do Virgins Taste Better? And Other Tales of Whimsy
There's a limit beyond which one cannot progress. The differences between the limiting abilities of those on successively higher steps of the pyramid are enormous. I have not seen described anywhere the shock a talented man experiences when he finds, late in his academic life, that there are others enormously more talented than he. I have personally seen more tears shed by grown men and women over this discovery than I would have believed possible.
— Luis W. Alvarez
Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.
— Mark Twain
There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.
— Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches
After all, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.
— Ann Richards
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
— Groucho Marx
There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.
— Isaac Asimov
The greatest and most powerful revolutions often start very quietly, hidden in the shadows. Remember that.
— Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
The heaviest penalty for declining to rule is to be ruled by someone inferior to yourself.
— Plato, The Republic
If we, citizens, do not support our artists, then we sacrifice our imagination on the altar of crude reality and we end up believing in nothing and having worthless dreams.
— Yann Martel, Life of Pi
If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties-someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal", then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal.
— John F. Kennedy, Profiles in Courage
The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them.
— Karl Marx
I sincerely believe that banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies, and that the principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale.
— Thomas Jefferson
Remember, remember always, that all of us, and you and I especially, are descended from immigrants and revolutionists.
— Franklin D. Roosevelt
I will tell you what I will do and what I will not do. I will not serve that in which I no longer believe, whether it calls itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defense the only arms I allow myself to use -- silence, exile, and cunning.
— James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
A change is brought about because ordinary people do extraordinary things.
— Barack Obama
People are always shouting they want to create a better future. It's not true. The future is an apathetic void of no interest to anyone. The past is full of life, eager to irritate us, provoke and insult us, tempt us to destroy or repaint it. The only reason people want to be masters of the future is to change the past.
— Milan Kundera
Sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn't fit in with the core belief.
— Frantz Fanon, Black Skin, White Masks
A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.
— Edward R. Murrow
Ask not what your country can do for you
—  ask what you can do for your country.
We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
— Thomas Jefferson
As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
— H.L. Mencken, On Politics: A Carnival of Buncombe
I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
— Thomas Jefferson
It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking 
— Stephen Fry
Patriotism is, fundamentally, a conviction that a particular country is the best in the world because you were born in it....
— George Bernard Shaw
Here is your country. Cherish these natural wonders, cherish the natural resources, cherish the history and romance as a sacred heritage, for your children and your children's children. Do not let selfish men or greedy interests skin your country of its beauty, its riches or its romance.
— Theodore Roosevelt
Absolute power does not corrupt absolutely, absolute power attracts the corruptible.
— Frank Herbert
Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here... like, the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. F*ck Hope.
— George Carlin
I'm worried that students will take their obedient place in society and look to become successful cogs in the wheel - let the wheel spin them around as it wants without taking a look at what they're doing. I'm concerned that students not become passive acceptors of the official doctrine that's handed down to them from the White House, the media, textbooks, teachers and preachers.
— Howard Zinn
He knows nothing
—  and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
In this country American means white. Everybody else has to hyphenate.
— Toni Morrison
Knowledge makes a man unfit to be a slave.
— Frederick Douglass
As government expands, liberty contracts.
— Ronald Reagan
For the powerful, crimes are those that others commit.
— Noam Chomsky, Imperial Ambitions: Conversations on the Post-9/11 World
How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?
— Charles de Gaulle
The worst illiterate is the political illiterate, he doesn’t hear, doesn’t speak, nor participates in the political events. He doesn’t know the cost of life, the price of the bean, of the fish, of the flour, of the rent, of the shoes and of the medicine, all depends on political decisions. The political illiterate is so stupid that he is proud and swells his chest saying that he hates politics. The imbecile doesn’t know that, from his political ignorance is born the prostitute, the abandoned child, and the worst thieves of all, the bad politician, corrupted and flunky of the national and multinational companies.
— Bertolt Brecht
Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.
— Edward Abbey
And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women - except, of course —those who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape ‘kit ‘n’ stuff, But for everybody else, it’s a win-win. Unless you’re a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years - whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know - actually, I take it back. The whole thing’s a disaster.
— Tina Fey
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. 
— Pericles
Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in 
— Harry Truman
In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
— Mark Twain
He showed the words “chocolate cake” to a group of Americans and recorded their word associations. “Guilt” was the top response. If that strikes you as unexceptional, consider the response of French eaters to the same prompt: “celebration.
— Michael Pollan, In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto
How do you tell a Communist? Well, it’s someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It’s someone who understands Marx and Lenin.
— Ronald Reagan
No matter how corrupt, greedy, and heartless our government, our corporations, our media, and our religious & charitable institutions may become, the music will still be wonderful.
— Kurt Vonnegut Jr., A Man Without a Country
Our masters have not heard the people's voice for generations and it is much, much louder than they care to remember.
— Alan Moore, V for Vendetta
That is what I have always understood to be the essence of anarchism: the conviction that the burden of proof has to be placed on authority, and that it should be dismantled if that burden cannot be met.
— Noam Chomsky
I hold it that a little rebellion now and then is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical. Unsuccesful rebellions indeed generally establish the incroachments on the rights of the people which have produced them. An observation of this truth should render honest republican governors so mild in their punishment of rebellions, as not to discourage them too much. It is a medecine necessary for the sound health of government.
— Thomas Jefferson, Letters of Thomas Jefferson
On Undecided Voter​s: "To put them in perspective, I think​ of being​ on an airplane.​ The flight attendant comes​ down the aisle​ with her food cart and, eventually,​ parks​ it beside my seat.​ “Can I inter​est you in the chick​en?​” she asks.​ “Or would​ you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broke​n glass​ in it?”To be undecided in this elect​ion is to pause​ for a moment and then ask how the chick​en is cooked.
— David Sedaris
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
— Mark Twain
The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government - lest it come to dominate our lives and interests.
— Patrick Henry
Extremes to the right and to the left of any political dispute are always wrong.
— Dwight D. Eisenhower
As societies grow decadent, the language grows decadent, too. Words are used to disguise, not to illuminate, action: you liberate a city by destroying it. Words are to confuse, so that at election time people will solemnly vote against their own interests.
— Gore Vidal
One thing is clear: The Founding Fathers never intended a nation where citizens would pay nearly half of everything they earn to the government.
— Ron Paul
To speak a language is to take on a world, a culture.
— Frantz Fanon
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. 
— George Carlin
the difference between a rebel and a patriot depends upon who is in power at the moment.
— Sidney Sheldon, The Sands of Time
Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communistic revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win.Workingmen of all countries unite!
— Karl Marx, The Communist Manifesto
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not Guilty'.
— Theodore Roosevelt
When I get ready to talk to people, I spend two thirds of the time thinking what they want to hear and one third thinking about what I want to say.
— Abraham Lincoln
If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.
— Hillary Rodham Clinton
I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
— Bill Hicks
Politicians and diapers should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.
— Eça de Queirós
Corrupt politicians make the other ten percent look bad.
— Henry Kissinger
Dear Government... I'm going to have a serious talk with you if I ever find anyone to talk to.
— Stieg Larsson, The Girl Who Played with Fire
Everything we see in the world is the creative work of women.
— Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, Ataturk: First President and Founder of the Turkish Republic
He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command
— Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince
...remember the ladies, and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the Husbands. Remember all Men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the Ladies we are determined to foment a Rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any Laws in which we have no voice, or Representation.
— Abigail Adams
I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations.
— James Madison
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
— H.L. Mencken
There's not a liberal America and a conservative America - there's the United States of America.
— Barack Obama
Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative.
— Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think.
— Ursula K. Le Guin, The Dispossessed
Every society has the criminals it deserves.
— Emma Goldman, Red Emma Speaks
It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.
— Jonathan Swift
It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan, more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage than a new system. For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit by the preservation of the old institution and merely lukewarm defenders in those who gain by the new ones. 
— Niccolò Machiavelli
Consensus: “The process of abandoning all beliefs, principles, values, and policies in search of something in which no one believes, but to which no one objects; the process of avoiding the very issues that have to be solved, merely because you cannot get agreement on the way ahead. What great cause would have been fought and won under the banner: ‘I stand for consensus?
— Margaret Thatcher
The promise given was a necessity of the past: the word broken is a necessity of the present.
— Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince
We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now.
— Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood
If there is ever a fascist takeover in America, it will come not in the form of storm troopers kicking down doors but with lawyers and social workers saying. "I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
— Jonah Goldberg, Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left from Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian.
— Henry Ford
I do know that the slickest way to lie is to tell the right amount of truth--then shut up.
— Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
The real satanist is not quite so easily recognized as such
— Anton Szandor LaVey, The Satanic Bible
The world hasn't changed that much
—  men still rule.
The individual cannot bargain with the State. The State recognizes no coinage but power: and it issues the coins itself.
— Ursula K. Le Guin, The Dispossessed
I'll be your minister--""Of the exchequer? You'd rob me blind.""I would never steal from you," he'd said hotly."Oh? Where is my tourmaline necklace? Where are my missing earrings?""That necklace was hideous. It was the only way to keep you from wearing it.""My earrings?""What earrings?
— Megan Whalen Turner, The Queen of Attolia
The death of one is a tragedy, but death of a million is just a statistic. 
— Marilyn Manson
While our country remains untainted with the principles and manners which are now producing desolation in so many parts of the world; while she continues sincere, and incapable of insidious and impious policy, we shall have the strongest reason to rejoice our local destination. But should the people of America once become capable of that deep simulation towards one another, and towards foreign nations, which assumes the language of justice and moderation, while it is practising iniquity and extravagance, and displays in the most captivating manner the charming pictures of candour, frankness, and sincerity, while it is rioting in rapine and insolence, this country will be the most miserable habitation in the world.
— John  Adams, Thoughts On Government Applicable To The Present State Of The American Colonies.: Philadelphia, Printed By John Dunlap, M,Dcc,Lxxxvi
A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
— Winston S. Churchill
There is nothing which I dread so much as a division of the republic into two great parties, each arranged under its leader, and concerting measures in opposition to each other. This, in my humble apprehension, is to be dreaded as the greatest political evil under our Constitution.
— John  Adams, The Works Of John Adams, Second President Of The United States
I believe in a relatively equal society, supported by institutions that limit extremes of wealth and poverty. I believe in democracy, civil liberties, and the rule of law. That makes me a liberal, and I’m proud of it.
— Paul Krugman
Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
— Bill Maher