c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. 
— Samuel Johnson
A hundred people is rather a large handful for the four of us to take on," Malcolm pointed out. "Do you have any ideas about how we're going to handle that task?""Simple," Halt told him. "We'll surround them.
— John Flanagan, Halt's Peril
I only snatched him to get your attention,” I said. “Now that I’ve got it, this is what I want.”“Damn my dame!” Al shouted, hands raised to the ceiling. “I knew it! Not another list!
— Kim Harrison, White Witch, Black Curse
And you look beautiful," she added."I look like a cake.""But a beautiful cake.
— Andrea Cremer, Nightshade
She already had a headache-she didn't want to add 'get tortured' to today's to-do list.
— C.C. Hunter, Born at Midnight
He’s not that smart.”“She’s right,” Augustus says. “It’s just that most really good-looking people are stupid, so I exceed expectations.”“Right, it’s primarily his hotness.”“It can be sort of blinding,” he said.“It actually did blind our friend Isaac.”“Terrible tragedy, that. But can I help my own deadly beauty?”“You cannot.”“It is my burden, this beautiful face.”“Not to mention your body.”“Seriously, don’t even get me started on my hot bod. You don’t want to see me naked, Dave. Seeing me naked actually took Hazel Grace’s breath away,” he said, nodding toward the oxygen tank.
— John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
I just thought of a great theory that explains everything. When I went to that party, I was abducted by aliens. They have created a fake Earth and fake high school to study me and my reactions. This certainly explains cafeteria food.
— Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
Mr. Right is coming, but he's in Africa and he's walking.
— Oprah Winfrey
I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
— Stephen Colbert
I watch the Eruptions. Mount Dad, long dormant, now considered armed and dangerous. Mount Saint Mom, oozing lava, spitting flame. Warn the villagers to run into the sea.
— Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
I later discovered that in order to be a good athlete one must care intensely what is happening with a ball, even if one doesn't have possession of it. This was ultimately my failure: my inability to work up a passion for the location of balls.
— Haven Kimmel, Girl Named Zippy: Growing Up Small in Mooreland, Indiana
He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.
— David Frost
My imagination is something of a badass.
— D.C. Pierson, The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To
One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.
— Victor Borge
He didn't want me to get hurt? Wow. Just wow. I might actually be close to a swoon here
— Jessica Verday, The Hollow
I smack myself in the forehead. “Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods, they’re not moving!” I exclaim. There’s a choking noise over my head somewhere. “Etruscan snoods?” I glow quietly inside. Some accomplishments mean more than others. I am officially the Shit. Now and forever. “Dude, watch your question marks. I just pried one out of you.” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “Admit it, you lost your eternal fecking composure.” “You have an obsession with a delusion about how I end my sentences. What the fuck are Etruscan snoods?” “Dunno. It’s just another of Robin’s sayings. Like, ‘Holy strawberries, Batman, we’re in a jam!’ ” “Strawberries.” “Or, ‘Holy Kleenex, Batman, it was right under our nose and we blew it!’ 
— Karen Marie Moning, Iced
Arthur shook his head and sat down. He looked up.“I thought you must be dead …” he said simply.“So did I for a while,” said Ford, “and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. I kept myself amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and tonic.
— Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything
Valkyrie walked to the back door, which hadn't been closed properly, shut it and locked it. There was now a baby in the house, after all. She couldn't take the chance that a wild animal might wander in and make off with Alice, like those dingoes in Australia. She was probably being unfair to both dingoes and Australia, but she couldn't risk it. Locked doors kept the dingoes out, and that's all there was to it, even if she didn't know what a dingo actually was. She took out her phone, searched the Internet, found a picture of a baby dingo and now she really wanted a baby dingo for a pet.
— Derek Landy, Death Bringer
The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge.
— David Sedaris, Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays
My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn.""She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."-Ranger and Stephanie
— Janet Evanovich, To the Nines
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
— Kinky Friedman
I'm going to take a shower," I said and prepared for the comment I knew was coming. "You know what they say, conserve water and shower with a friend.
— Chelsea M. Cameron, My Favorite Mistake
If they wanted their shit stirred, then stirred their shit was jolly well going to be.
— Stephen Clarke, A Year in the Merde
If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
Let me ask you something, in all the years that you have...undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It's because he doesn't care! He's in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery. I am so tired of saying no, waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consumed so I know just how much self loathing to take into the shower. I'm going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I'm just through with the guilt. So this is what I'm going to do, I'm going to finish this pizza, and then we are going to go watch the soccer game, and tomorrow we are going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans.
— Elizabeth Gilbert
We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
The queen's eyes smouldered. "I know my own kind when I see them, and right now there is one in these city walls." She pointed a finger toward the balcony."I want her found and brought to me.""Right," said Kai,"that'll be no problem in a city of two and a half million people. Let me just go dig out my special Lunar detector, and I'll get right on that.
— Marissa Meyer, Cinder
I sat on the bed. Neither of us said anything. I wasn't slick and sophisticated enough for this. What do you say to boyfriend A when he finds you naked in the bed of boyfriend B? Especially if boyfriend A turned into a monster the night before and ate someone. I bet Miss Manners didn't cover this at all.
— Laurell K. Hamilton, The Killing Dance
Will sat where he was, gazing at the silver bowl in front of him; a white rose was floating in it, and he seemed prepared to stare at it until it went under. In the Kitchen Bridget was still singing one of her awful sad songs; the lyrics drifted in through the door: "Twas on an evening fair I went to take the air, I heard a maid making her moan; Said, 'Saw ye my father? Or ye my mother? Or saw ye my brother John? Or saw ye the lad that I love best, And his name it is Sweet William?" I may murder her, Tessa thought. Let her make a song about that.
— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
When I was alive, I mean the first time, Mussolini was in charge. We were at war.”“Mussolini?” Leo frowned. “Wasn’t he like BFFs with Hitler?
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
Stick your dick in’?” I asked, my brows probably touching. “Did you actually just say that?” “Make love. I meant make love … of course. I would never just stick my dick in you. I would make mad, passionate love to this sweet, sweet body of yours for days, no, weeks. It would be beautiful, pumpkin. There’d be little angels, and birdies, and you know … all just hanging around, watching. Perverts.
— Kylie Scott, Play
So,” sneered Fudge, recovering himself, “you intend to take on Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Dolores, and myself single-handed, do you, Dumbledore?”“Merlin’s beard, no,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “Not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.”“He will not be single-handed!” said Professor McGonagall loudly, plunging her hand inside her robes.“Oh yes he will, Minerva!” said Dumbledore sharply. “Hogwarts needs you!
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
But Amy," Elder says. "Space suits!
— Beth Revis, A Million Suns
I'm way hot," he muttered. "But I don't feel sick. Just — way hot."Fang
— James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
After climbing off his bike, I smacked his shoulder. “Did you forget I was with you? Are you trying to get me killed?”“It’s hard to forget you’re behind me when your thighs are squeezing the life out of me.” A smirk came with his next thought. “I couldn’t think of a better way to die, actually.”“There is something very wrong with you.
— Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster
SHUT UP. Both of you. You're coming with me." To me he said, "Put some pant
— David Wong, This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It
He would have shaved the centaurs, dipped them in honey, covered them with feathers, and hung them up like a bunch of pinatas. I'm just saying." - Warren
— Brandon Mull
Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
— Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light
Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain
— Jon Stewart
Jake wasn't about to be seduced like some schoolgirl. Not by a man who went by the unlikely name of Tornado, not by anyone. He stood as firmly as he could in the mud and tore his mouth from the kiss, staring into too dark eyes. As his hands made their way into Tor's wet jeans he said, "This doesn't mean I like you, you know.
— Chris Owen, Bareback
I hated that the soldier doll had my name. I mean, please. I didn't play with him much. He was another Christmas present from my clueless grandparents. One time when they were visiting, my grandpa asked me if G.I. Joe had been in any wars lately. I said, "No, but he and Ken got married last week." Every Christmas since then, my grandparents have sent me a check.
— James Howe, Totally Joe
His heavy-lidded gaze reflected a languor that had nothing to do with having just awakened, and there was no doubt what was on his mind. But this is no safe cherry picker, Gwen thought, growing more concerned by the moment.This man looks like a cherry tree chopper-downer.
— Karen Marie Moning, Kiss of the Highlander
He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.
— Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
You can’t enjoy art or books in a hurry.
— E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly
There are very few personal problems that can't be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.
— Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead
Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don't know why that is, exactly. Maybe it's the outsider vibe and a well-placed brooding look. Maybe it's something I think I see sometimes in the mirror, something that reminds me of my father. Or maybe I'm just damn easy on the eyes.
— Kendare Blake, Anna Dressed in Blood
It's always been this way. There were rumors about me even before I was born. It's why my mother never calls me Sobachka. She says it makes me sound like a mongrel."My heart gave a little pang at that. I'd been called plenty of names growing up."I like mongrels," I said. "They have cute floppy ears.""My ears are very dignified.
— Leigh Bardugo, Siege and Storm
Iggy. This is not a democracy," I said,(...)"It'sa Maxocracy.
— James Patterson, The Angel Experiment
He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.
— Carroll Bryant
You know how I think they choose people for Gryffindor team?" said Malfoy loudly a few minutes later, as Snape awarded Hufflepuff another penalty for now reason at all. "It's people they feel sorry for. See, there's Potter, who's got no parents, then there's the Weasleys, who've got no money - you should be on the team, Longbottom, you've got no brains.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
...she's leaving now....Janis attacks the back door of the school gym and finds herself in a heavy cloud of smoke. She realizes she's found the Goths' hangout. Who knew?"Oof," someone says. She keeps walking, muttering, "sorry" to whomever it was she hit with the flying door.***Cabel: ... That was the Goth stage where I decided I'd never get the girl of my dreams because of my scars. Not to mention the hairstyle.(pause)But then she slammed a door handle into my gut. And, when a girl does that to a boy, it means she likes him.
— Lisa McMann, Wake
Elizabeth."I feel my smile on my face as I understand what she is doing. Though it's a strange one, she has a name-sound just like I do, and she's telling me what it is. I try to make the same sounds."Ehh..beh." I frown. Why is her name-sound so difficult and so long?She frowns right back at me and says it again. "Elizabeth.""Beh-tah-babaa."She sighs and her forehead wrinkles. "Elizabeth. Eeee-lizzzz-ahh-beth.""Laahh...baaay."She taps her chest again."Beth!"The sound is shorter but still very odd."Beh-bet.""Beth," she repeats.I've had enough. I reach out and touch her should."Beh.""Beth." I tap her a little harder and growl."Beh", I repeat. I tap her again. "BEH!"Her eyes widen a bit, and she inhales sharply. A moment later, her shoulders drop and she sighs."Beh," she says quietly.
— Shay Savage, Transcendence
1. You left a multipack of Mars Bars on top of your wardrobe. Can I have one? Dad x2. I had three. Hope that's OK. Dad x3. I'm just going to have one more. Dad x4. Harriet, your Dad's made himself sick on an entire multipack of Mars Bars again. Please don't leave sweets where we can find them. A x
— Holly Smale, Model Misfit
The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.
— Galileo Galilei
Dee loves it here. Before you came, she spent most of her days here."To Daemon, my arrival was the beginning of the end. The apocalypse. Kat-mageddon. "You know, I'm not going to get your sister in trouble.""We'll see.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
So hologram means--" I finally said."It means non-corporeal, yeah. Which sucks seeing as how there are a lot of very corporeal things I'd like to do with you right now.
— Rachel Hawkins, Spell Bound
And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It's like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face!
— Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian
Yes, I'm back," he said, "And look who I ran into."Horace grinned at him. "i hope you ran into him hard.""As hard as I could.
— John Flanagan, Halt's Peril
She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, don’t chew.”“Well, I thought I’d stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I’ll swallow them.
— Ilona Andrews, On the Edge
Somehow, Sydney had an internal clock that told her when time was up. I think it was part of her inherent ability to keep track of a hundred things at once. Not me. In these moments, my thoughts were usually focused on getting her shirt off and whether I’d get past the bra this time. So far, I hadn’t.
— Richelle Mead, The Fiery Heart
Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.
— Honoré de Balzac
There was a small wooden gazebo built out over the water; Isabelle was sitting in it, staring out across the lake. She looked like a princess in a fairy tale, waiting at the top of her tower for someone to ride up and rescue her. Not that traditional princess behavior was like Isabelle at all. Isabelle with her whip and boots and knives would chop anyone who tried to pen her up in a tower into pieces, build a bridge out of the remains, and walk carelessly to freedom, her hair looking fabulous the entire time.
— Cassandra Clare
Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I'll paraphrase for you:Me: "This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?"NASA: (After about 5 hours of deliberation) "No. You'll fuck it up and die."So I took it apart.
— Andy Weir, The Martian
Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, every now and then, when they get dirty.
— Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday
Hatsuharu Sohma: [after tripping Kyo] If I hadn't had tripped you, you wouldn't have stopped now would you.[addressing the audience]Hatsuharu Sohma: By the way what I just did was very dangerous. And if it had been anyone but Kyo they probably would have been hurt pretty badly, so don't try it at home.Kyo Sohma: Don't try it here and who are you even talking to? 
— Natsuki Takaya
She was the most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from one story to another was a mystery beyond solution. A lady so decorous in herself, and so highly connected, was not to be suspected of dropping over the banisters or sliding down them, yet her extraordinary facility of locomotion suggested the wild idea.
— Charles Dickens, Hard Times
I felt my cheeks turn red, and she laughed out loud. But I didn't mind too much, because the last thing she saw was my middle finger aimed in her direction as I stepped outside
— Jessica Verday, The Hollow
You mean she doesn’t intend to blow me up before the ceremony?” said Kai, taking the box. “How disappointing.
— Marissa Meyer, Winter
Look at him,” she said, shaking her head. “Travis Maddox: Mr. Mom.
— Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster
It's sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G rated.
— Elizabeth Cruickshank
That cat doesn't have a lick of sense,' I said, sighing.Well, honey, he's not right in the head,' Dad said, flipping his cigarette into the front yard.I glared at him. 'And just what do you mean by that?'Dad counted on his fingers. 'He's cross-eyed; he jumps out of trees after birds and then doesn't land on his feet; he sleeps with his head smashed up against the wall, and the tip of his tail is crooked.'Oh yeah? Well, how about this: he once got locked in a basement by evil Petey Scroggs in the middle of January and survived on snow and little frozen mice. When I'm cold at night he sleeps right on my face. Of that whole litter of kittens he came out of he's the only one left. One of his brothers didn't even have a butthole.'I stand corrected. PeeDink is a survivor.
— Haven Kimmel, Girl Named Zippy: Growing Up Small in Mooreland, Indiana
Is there any good news?' Tesla
— Clive Barker, The Great and Secret Show
Do you see that man in the black Porsche?" I asked the women.They squinted out at Ranger. "Yes," they said."Your partner.""He's homeless. He's looking for a place to stay and he might be interested in renting Singh's room."Mrs.Apusenja's eyes widened. "We could use the income."She looked at Nonnie and then back at Ranger. "Is he married?""Nope. He's single. He's a real catch."Connie did something between a gasp and a snort and buried her head back behind the computer. "Thank you for everything." Mrs.Apusenja said. "I suppose you are not such a bad slut. I will go talk to your partner.:"Omigod," Connie said, when the door closed behind the Apusenja's. "Ranger's going to kill you." The Apusenjas stood beside the Porsche, talkig to Ranger for a few long minutes, giving him the big sales pitch. The pitch wound down, Ranger responded, and Mrs. Apusenja looked disappointed. The two women crossed the road and got into the burgundy Escort and quickly drove away. Ranger turned his head in my direction and our eyes met. His expression was still bemused, but this time it was the sort of bemused expression a kid has when he's pulling the wings off a fly."Uh-Oh,"Connie said. I whipped around and faced Connie. "Quick, give me an FTA. You're backed up, right? For God's sake, give me something fast. I need a reason to stand here until he calms down!" Connie shoved a pile of folders at me. "Pick one. Any one! Oh shit, he's getting out of his car."....He leaned into me and his lips brushed the shell of my ear. "Feeling playful?""I don't know what you're talking about.""Watch your back babe. I will get even."-Ranger and Stephanie
— Janet Evanovich, To the Nines
Marc’s hand tightened visibly around Kevin’s fingers, his digits going white. Again. Both men clenched their jaws, Kevin in pain, and Marc in an obvious effort to control his temper and keep from breaking Kevin’s hand. Off. Why couldn’t guys find a more original way to test each other’s manly prowess? Arm wrestling might have been more subtle. Or maybe comparing the length of their…canines.
— Rachel Vincent, Rogue
Jean grinned down at her, and she handed him something in a small silk bag.'What's this?''Lock of my hair, ' she said. 'Meant to give it to you days ago, but we got busy with all the raiding. You know. Piracy. Hectic life. ''Thank you, love, ' he said.'Now, if you find yourself in trouble wherever you go, you can hold up that little bag to whoever's bothering you, and you can say, "You have no idea who you're fucking with. I'm under the protection of the lady who gave me this object of her favour. "''And that's supposed to make them stop?''Shit no, that's just to confuse them. Then you kill them while they're standing there looking at you funny.
— Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies
What? Quinn's one of them? I just thought he was an a*shole!
— Simon Holt, The Devouring
Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune
To ugly ducklings everywhere,Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:They'll never get to be swans
— Zoë Marriott, The Swan Kingdom
Isn't that someone we know?" asked Horace. He pointed to where a cloaked figure sat by the side of the road a few hundred meters away, arms wrapped around his knees. Close by him, a small shaggy horse cropped the grass growing at the edge of the drainage ditch that ran beside the road."So it is," Halt replied. "And he seems to have brought Will with him.
— John Flanagan, Halt's Peril
I'm healthy as an ox. And you?" "To compare myself with a bovine would be both ridiculous and insulting, but I'm fit as ever, if that is what you are asking.
— Christopher Paolini, Brisingr
Are you okay with what we ordered?” Angeline asked him. “You didn’t pipe up with any requests.” Neil shook his head, face stoic. He kept his dark hair in a painfully short and efficient haircut. It was the kind of no-nonsense thing the Alchemists would’ve loved. “I can’t waste time quibbling over trivial things like pepperoni and mushrooms. If you’d gone to my school in Devonshire, you’d understand. For one of my sophomore classes, they left us alone on the moors to fend for ourselves and learn survival skills. Spend three days eating twigs and heather, and you’ll learn not to argue about any food coming your way.” Angeline and Jill cooed as though that was the most rugged, manly thing they’d ever heard. Eddie wore an expression that reflected what I felt, puzzling over whether this guy was as serious as he seemed or just some genius with swoon-worthy lines.
— Richelle Mead, The Fiery Heart
There had to be a circle of Hell where you were eternally fourteen, eternally in junior high. One of the lower circles.
— Laurell K. Hamilton, Bloody Bones
I am not forgotten, you know, no, I still receive a very great deal of fan
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
You've brushed your teeth," He says, staring at me."I used your toothbrush."His lips quirk up in a half smile. "Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you?
— E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey
Don’t lick the guests, darling. Bad manners.
— Patricia Briggs, Moon Called
Otis," I said."Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis.""I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay."Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam.
— Rick Riordan, The Hammer of Thor
I had died and woken up in High School Musical
— Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster
Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look. Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right. "It's Cat," I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven.""Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy.
— Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave
Trust her we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time. 
— Sandi Lynn, Forever Black
What is it about hairdressers? You tell them 'not too short' and some part of their hairdresser brain hears this as 'whack the shit out of it.' If you never say, 'not too short,' everything is fine. You say it, & it's a guarantee you'll come out ready for the military>
— Deb Caletti, The Six Rules of Maybe
There was the smell of old books, a smell that has a way of making all libraries seem the same. Some say that smell is asbestos. 
— Scott Douglas, Quiet, Please: Dispatches From A Public Librarian
Stomp stomp. Whirr. Pleased to be of service.Shut up.Thank you.Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Whirr. Thank you for making a simple door very happy.Hope your diodes rot.Thank you. Have a nice day.Stomp stomp stomp stomp. Whirr. It is my pleasure to open for you...Zark off....and my satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done.I said zark off.Thank you for listening to this message.
— Douglas Adams
I'll get them out and come back. I promise.""On your word as a cutthroat and a pirate?"He touched my cheek once, briefly. "Privateer."Another explosion rocked the grounds."Let's go!" shouted Mal.As we sprinted into the tunnel, I glanced back and saw Nikolai silhouetted against the purple twilight. I wondered if I'd ever see him again.
— Leigh Bardugo, Siege and Storm
I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss.
— Stephen King
The Doctor: I've seen bigger.Clara: Really?The Doctor: Are you joking? It's massive!
— Steven Moffat
Nerd life is just so much better than regular life.
— John Green
You all right, man?' This should be my name. I could be like a super hero: You All Right Man. Ah...' I stumble.Don't bug Craig,' Ronny is like. 'He's in the Craig zone. He's Craig-ing out.
— Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story
Hey, babe, can I sit here?” Elle turned her head and saw Nero standing there, holding a tray.　　Did he just really ask that, and did he just really call me ‘babe’?　　“Are you serious? Sit here?” Elle pointed to the chair beside her.　　“Yes, I was talking directly to you, wasn’t I?” Nero was definitely a smartass.　　“No, you clearly weren’t because my name isn’t ‘babe’. I bet you don’t even know my name. So, no, you cannot sit here, Nero.
— Sarah Brianne, Nero
Plus, in one of his e-mails, the guy said he didn't like pancakes. What kind of asshole doesn't like pancakes? 
— A.J. Jacobs, The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life as an Experiment
pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!
— John Green, Paper Towns
what would you call this haircut?"arthur.
— George Harrison
This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.
— P.G. Wodehouse
Lusty blacksmiths and naughty princesses. Now that's scary
— Simon Holt, The Devouring
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?
— Bill Maher
Did I ever tell you the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern one?" she asked him, indulging herself and letting her head rest on his shoulder. God, he felt good. Her man. Where her head was meant to lie, right there, on him. "What's the difference?""A Northern one starts 'once upon a time,' while a Southern one starts 'y'all ain't going to believe this shit.
— Erin McCarthy, Hot Finish
And she says, “Then let’s just take the effing road and get ourselves to Hav
— Patrick Ness, The Knife of Never Letting Go
Would you have done that in his place? Would you have left him and gone on?""Of course I would!" Halt replied immediately. But something in his voice rang false and Horse looked at him, raising one eyebrow. He'd waited a long time for an opportunity to use that expression of disbelief on Halt.After a pause, the Ranger's anger subsided."All right. Perhaps I wouldn't," he admitted. Then he glared at Horace. "And stop raising that eyebrow on me. You can't even do it properly. Your other eyebrow moves with it!
— John Flanagan, Halt's Peril
Boy, you knock on the devil's door and he will head slam you through the wall.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon, No Mercy
In this world only the paranoid survive.
— Dean Koontz, Midnight
Caroline, do you value your neck?""Yes, I'm rather fond of it. Why?""Because if you don't shut up, I'm going to wring it.
— Julia Quinn, To Catch an Heiress
He thinks things through too much.
— Stephenie Meyer, The Host
Always drink upstream from the herd.
— Will Rogers
Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy!
— Demetri Martin
He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start." "You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier. "No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door. He was so utterly shocked that it took him a moment to run after her. With a meaningful nod in the direction of the astounded Cahills, she barreled down the cobblestone street with her load. "Fermati!" shouted the cashier, scrambling in breathless pursuit. Nellie let a few CDs drop and watched with satisfaction over her shoulder as the clerk stopped to pick them up. The trick would be to keep the chase going just long enough for Amy and Dan to search Disco Volante. Yikes, she reflected suddenly, I'm starting to think like a Cahill.... And if she was nuts enough to hang around this family, it was only going to get worse.
— Gordon Korman, One False Note
You’re far too prickly tempered to be a mistress. You’re far better suited as a wife.
— Lisa Kleypas, Married By Morning
CPR dummy looked like him and had clearly been stabbed. Repeatedly. In the groin. He thought she might have used the dummy for target practice, and tried not to be offended. Key word: tried.
— Gena Showalter, The Darkest Secret
Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.
— Maureen Johnson, Suite Scarlett
No,” Shane said. “I’m not leaving you two here alone. We stick together.”“I’m still not kissing you,” Michael said.“Tease.
— Rachel Caine, Last Breath
I’m busy, you’re busy, everybody’s busy. I’ve got a lot I want to say to you, though.” “All right,” Pia told her. “Hit me with it.” “First, I’m so sorry about what my uncle Urien did to you guys. I hate him, he killed my family, and we’re going to cut off his head, and then I have to be Queen, but before that happens let’s do lunch, okay?
— Thea Harrison, Dragon Bound
All right I think we've been down here in the dark long enough. There's a whole other world upstairs. Take my hand, Constant Reader, and I'll be happy to lead you back into the sunshine. I'm happy to go there because I believe most people are essentially good. I know that I am. It's you I'm not entirely sure of.
— Stephen King, Full Dark, No Stars
I also don't trust Caribou anymore. They're out there, on the tundra, waiting... Something's going down. I'm right about this.
— Joss Whedon
She was hearing the words. They just weren't registering on her Richter scale of sanity.
— Dakota Cassidy, The Accidental Werewolf
And my piece of advice is...don't flirt with any of the female instructors. They all have access to weapons bigger than yours.
— Simone Elkeles, How to Ruin a Summer Vacation
Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.
— Leslie Nielsen
You were with Margo Roth Spiegelman last night? At THREE A.M.? I nodded. Alone? I nodded. Oh my God, if you hooked up with her, you have to tell me every single thing that happened. You have to write me a term paper on the look and feel of Margo Roth Spiegelman's breasts. Thrity pages, minimum! I want you to do a photo-realistic pencil drawing. A sculpture would also be acceptable. I was wondering if it would be possible for you to write a sestina about Margo Roth Spiegelman's breasts? Your six words are: pink, round, firmness, succulent, supple, and pillowy. Personally, I think at least one of the words should be buhbuhbuhbuh.
— John Green, Paper Towns
The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public programming.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
Because there's no way on earth she's going to make it through college unless she grows some serious ovaries and turns this train wreck around
— Lisa McMann, Wake
The small amount of foolery wise men have makes a great show.
— William Shakespeare
Want to dance? We have music this time. And I don't have to punch you when we finish.
— Amy Tintera
Isobel moved farther into the kitchen, not knowing whether to be relieved that her mother hadn't had an atomic meltdown, or mortified that she'd taken it upon herself to play head chef with the nearest thing Trenton High had to a Dark Lord.
— Kelly Creagh, Nevermore
Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
Yeah, well. I don’t try to be awesome. It just comes natural.
— Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero
When she absently worried her bottom lip with one of her adorable little fangs, he s
— Kresley Cole, Lothaire
I am an artist you know ... it is my right to be odd.
— E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly
Right. So no plans at all then?"Jenna frowned. "Other than rocking in the fetal position for a while?""Yeah, I was thinking about taking one of those showers where you huddle in the corner fully clothed and cry," Archer offered.
— Rachel Hawkins, Spell Bound
Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him.
— Molly Harper, How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf
Maybe we should have gone with him," he said, a few minutes after his friend was lost to sight."Three of us would make four times the noise he will," Halt said.Horace frowned, not quite understanding the equation. "Wouldn't three of us make three times the noise?"Halt shook his head. "Will and Tug will make hardly any noise. Neither will Abelard and I. But as for you and that moving earthquake you call a horse..." He gestured at Kicker and left the rest unsaid.
— John Flanagan, Halt's Peril
Now listen, we need to be quiet as mice. No, quieter than that. As quiet as . . . as . . .” “Dead mice?” Reynie suggested. “Perfect,” said Kate with an approving nod. “As quiet as dead mice.
— Trenton Lee Stewart, The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner's Dilemma
Uh... ," Ivy stammered, and I glanced up to see her eyes wide in consideration."I'm kidding," I said. "It passed the lethal-amulet test, remember?""Not that. You keep it in your underwear drawer?"I hesitated, wondering why I was embarrassed. "Well, where do you put your elven magic?" I asked.
— Kim Harrison, Black Magic Sanction
Restaurants are minefields for the socially inept
— Graeme Simsion, The Rosie Project
I decided early in graduate school that I needed to do something about my moods. It quickly came down to a choice between seeing a psychiatrist or buying a horse. Since almost everyone I knew was seeing a psychiatrist, and since I had an absolute belief that I should be able to handle my own problems, I naturally bought a horse.
— Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
I just don't believe in helping people who are going to torture me. Though I don't see any bamboo slivers. How can you possibly torture someone without bamboo slivers?
— Laurell K. Hamilton, Circus of the Damned
-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."-"It was stupid.
— Lloyd Alexander, Westmark
It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it.
— Maggie Stiefvater, Shiver
Well, well, well,” Santa said once the elf had retreated. “Come and sit on my lap, little boy.”This Santa’s beard was real, and so was his hair. He wasn’t fucking around.“I’m not really a little boy,” I pointed out.“Get on my lap, then, big boy.”I walked up to him. There wasn’t much lap under his belly. And even though he tried to disguise it, as I went up there, I swear he adjustedhis crotch.“Ho ho ho!” he chortled.I sat gingerly on his knee, like it was a subway seat with gum on it.“Have you been a good little boy this year?” he asked.I didn’t feel that I was the right person to determine my own goodness or badness, but in the interest of speeding along this encounter, I said yes.He actually wobbled with joy.“Good! Good! Then what can I bring you this Christmas?”I thought it was obvious.“A message from Lily,” I said. “That’s what I want for Christmas. But I want it right now.”“So impatient!” Santa lowered his voice and whispered in my ear. “But Santa does have a little something for you”—he shifted a little inhis seat—“right under his coat. If you want to have your present, you’ll have to rub Santa’s belly.”“What?” I asked.He gestured with his eyes down to his stomach. “Go ahead.”I looked closely and saw the faint outline of an envelope beneath his red velvet coat.“You know you want it,” he whispered.The only way I could survive this was to think of it as the dare it was.Fuck off, Lily. You can’t intimidate me.I reached right under Santa’s coat. To my horror, I found he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. It was hot, sweaty, Geshy, hairy … andhis belly was this massive obstacle, blocking me from the envelope. I had to lean over to angle my arm in order to reach it, the whole timehaving Santa laugh, “Oh ho ho, ho ho oh ho!” in my ear. I heard the elf scream, “What the hell!” and various parents start to shriek. Yes, I was feeling up Santa. And now the corner of the envelope was in my hand. He tried to jiggle it away from me, but I held tight and yanked itout, pulling some of his white belly hair with me. “OW ho ho!” he cried. I jumped o1 his lap. “Security’s here!” the elf proclaimed.The letter was in my hand, damp but intact.“He touched Santa!” a young child squealed.
— Rachel Cohn, Dash & Lily's Book of Dares
Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked.How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?
— John Green, Paper Towns
Stick." I said in Russian. I had no clue what the word for stake was. I pointed at the silver ring I wore and made a slashing motion. "Stick. where?" He stared at me in utter confusion and then asked in perfect English, "why are you talking like that?
— Richelle Mead, Blood Promise
Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?" "No! Good God, no!
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Wait for You
He watched me rake my fingers through the tangles in my hair and smiled. “Quit it. You’re fucking beautiful.”“Just point me to the nearest eighties rock video,” I said.
— Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster
He stepped back with exaggerated courtesy. But when I walked past him, he swatted my rump. Hard enough to sting.“You need to be more careful,” he growled. “Keep interfering in my business and you might get hurt.”I said sweetly as I continued to Jesse's room, “The last man who swatted me like that is rotting in his grave.”“I have no doubt about it.” His voice was more satisfied then contrite.
— Patricia Briggs, Iron Kissed
Poison." he said, deadpan. "That's an unusual name to give your child. You must love her very much."She's a treasure." Bram agreed, blithely ignoing the sarcasm.....Then went a few dozen feet in silence, until they were out of eaarshor of the gaurd.She's a treasure." Poison mimicked, and Bram burst out laughing.
— Chris Wooding, Poison
I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.
— Karl Pilkington, An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington
The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore!" Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't even forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is fucking confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore's uniform.
— Dave Chappelle
Royce looked back down at the stream below. "She doesn't even know me. What if she doesn't like me? Few people do.""She might not at first. Maribor knows I didn't. But you have a way of growing on a person." He smiled. "You know, like lichen or mold.
— Michael J. Sullivan, Percepliquis
To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.
— Bill Maher
And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!
— Susan  Kay, Phantom
When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
The dark prince sat astride his black steed, his sable cape flowing behind him. A golden circlet bound his blond locks, his handsome face was cold with the rage of battle, and..."And his arm looked like an eggplant," Clary muttered to herself in exasperation.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
Gundar seemed to come to a decision. "Well, as my old mam used to say, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's probably a duck." "Very wise," Halt said. "And what exactly do your mother's words of wisdom have to do with this situation?" Gundar shrugged. "It looks like a channel. It's the right place for a channel. If I were digging one, this is where I'd dig a channel. So. . ." "So it's probably the channel?" Selethen said. Gundar grinned at him. "Either that or it's a duck.
— John Flanagan, The Emperor of Nihon-Ja
Scrawny? Baby, I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
You can't kill us all, human.' He was right. I raised the machine gun a little. 'True, but who's going to be first in line?
— Laurell K. Hamilton, The Killing Dance
I brought you some coffee.” he held out the cup but she waved it away.“I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet.”At that he smiled. “How would you know what feet taste like?”“I just know.”-Luke and Clary, pg.209-
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
— Yogi Berra
I shot him a look. "That bouncer was really big."His lips quirked. "Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things.""What?"The grin spread. "I would say size doesn't matter but it does. I would know." he winked, and I let out a disgusted groan. He laughed.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal
Claire found herself staring at his feet, which were in bunny slippers. Myrnin looked down. "What?" he asked. "They're quite comfortable." He lifted on to look at it, and the ears wobbled in the air. "Of course they are," she said. Just when she thought Myrnin was getting his mental act together, he'd do something like that. Or maybe he was just messing with her. He liked to do that, and his dark eyes were fixed on her now, assessing just how weirded-out she was.  Which, on the grade scale of zero to Myrnin, wasn't much.
— Rachel Caine, Fade Out
There wasn't a lot of bullshit in my heaven.
— Alice Sebold, The Lovely Bones
Boomer took bites of all six varieties, contemplating each one and "guring out the order in which he would then eat them. “I like thebrown one and the lighter brown one and the almost-brown one. I’m not so sure about the minty one. But really, I think the lebkuchen spiceone is the best.”“The what?”“The lebkuchen spice one.” He held it up for me. “This one.”“You’re making that up. What’s a lebkuchen spice? It sounds like a cross between a Keebler elf and a stripper. Hello, my name eesLebkuchen Spice, and I vant to show you my cooooookies...”“Don’t be rude!” Boomer protested. As if the cookie might be offended.
— David Levithan, Dash & Lily's Book of Dares
Ladies and gentleman," he said over the speakers, "welcome aboard this recently liberated Gulfstream V. If I could have your attention for just a few moments, I'd like to go over the safety features of this aircraft. It has an engine, to make us go, and wings, to keep us in the air. There are seatbelts, which won't do you an awful lot of good if we fly into the side of a mountain.
— Derek Landy, The Maleficent Seven: From the World of Skulduggery Pleasant
Artists are the serfs of a leisure society.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
This is an Aston Martin, Gin.You don't run over dead bodies in an Aston Matin.""Tell that to James Bond
— Jennifer Estep, Web of Lies
Look, why don't you go talk to Ron about all this?" Harry asked."Well, I would, but he's always asleep when I go and see him!" said Lavender fretfully."Is he?" said Harry, surprised, for he had found Ron perfectly alert every time he had been up to the hospital wing.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember?
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
— Mark Twain
Did you know that Gideon and I were trained in Krav Maga?" Charlotte took another step closer to me, and I automatically took one back."No, but did /you/ know that at this moment you look like that crazy rodent in Ice Age?
— Kerstin Gier, Emerald Green
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean.
— Mark Twain
CONFESSION NO. 1 Most women find the bloating, cramping, and bitchiness of PMS bothersome at worst. I turn into a monster a week before my period…literally.
— Ronda Thompson, Confessions of a Werewolf Supermodel
Behind me, Marc made a soft whistling sound, clearly impressed. “That’s not standard procedure,” he said, his tone entirely too reasonable as he leaned over the stray’s body to open the back passenger-side door. “Yeah, well, I’m not your standard enforcer.
— Rachel Vincent, Rogue
. . . and together you're what, the Super Friends?
— Mark Jeffrey
Oh," she said, in a very different way. "Well. Thanks for my part in the compliment. Naturally I'd love to be watched and controlled, but I think I may be washing my hair that day.
— Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Covenant
Nobody calls me 'blondie' and keeps their kneecaps.
— Cassandra Clare, Lady Midnight