c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
Sirens blasted, breaking the silence and spinning me around. The shrill sound was all too familiar, and I snapped into action. Vicious excitement replaced the restlessness, and I knew just how screwed up that was, but right then? Oh yeah, I could use a fight. Yesterday in the quad had been child’s play.Grabbing the Glock loaded with titanium bullets, I hooked it into the holster and fit it around my thigh. I snatched the daggers off the dresser and headed out the door, not even bothering with grabbing a shirt.I came to a complete stop as Josie’s door swung open.What in the holy fuck were Alex and Josie doing together? For just a few seconds, the three of us were literally frozen, staring at each other as the sirens blared overhead.And then Alex broke the silence.“Really?” she said dryly, eyeing me with a smirk. “You’re going to fight with the awesomeness of your six-pack as a weapon?”I arched a brow. “Yeah, you know, I was going to test out the whole abs of steel theory thing. The gun attached to my thigh and the daggers in my hands are just props. Mainly for show. Don’t want to take away from the gloriousness that is my body, though.”Her smirk flipped into a grin. “Whatever.” She started forward. Up ahead, a tall figure stepped out in the hall, and light glinted off the titanium daggers in his hands. Aiden. Of course their room had to be close to mine.Of. Course.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, The Power
Oh, everything is fun when I’m around.” Hercules’s knees knocked into the back of my seat as he leaned back. “This one time, when I was ordered by the gods to . . .”I could only think of three words.Fuck. My. Life.“You should drive, because I’m going to end it all. Once we’re on the freeway, I’m going to jump out of this vehicle and throw myself in front of a Mack truck.”Josie’s laugh cut off her yawn. “That’s a little excessive.”Adjusting the sunglasses I’d stolen from Aiden yesterday morning, I smirked. “I do not think anything is excessive when it comes to him.”“But that won’t even kill you.”I sighed. “Yeah, but I’m pretty sure it’ll knock me unconscious for the time being.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, The Power
The Problem is Not the Problem.The Problem is Your Attitude Towards the Problem
— Captain Jack Sparrow
Back in medieval times, " I said, "we used oil of vitriol for its healing properties. No doubt that's why Commodus had some in his infirmary. Today we call it sulfuric acid."Meg flinched. "Isn't that dangerous?""Very.""And you *healed* with it?""It was the Middle Ages. We were crazy back then.
— Rick Riordan, The Dark Prophecy
I put a knife in your hand and your first instinct was to stab me.""You tried to stab me first," I objected without thinking.
— Alwyn Hamilton, Traitor to the Throne
I am a loser in my own plot, but I might be the hero in someone else's plot.
— Vann Chow
One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.
— Joyce Rachelle
Meg, what I'm about to do - never, ever try this on your own." I felt a bit silly giving this advice to a girl who regulartly fought monsters with golden swords, but I had promised Bill Nye the Science Guy I would always promote safe laboratory practices.
— Rick Riordan, The Dark Prophecy
The big knight fell heavily to the ground, and lay there, as nearly dead as possible. His servants came running from the castle and took him in. He got better in the end, but nobody cared much about that.
— Roger Lancelyn Green, King Arthur and His Knights of the Round Table
Holy mama llama. That’s Nathanial Stone. Nathanial Stone is sitting in my booth. Nathanial Stone is in the Finewhile Diner sitting in my booth. I’m supposed to wait on Nathanial Stone. I’m going to make a fool out of myself. I just know it. I can feel it coming. Crap.
— D.L. Hess, Sir
He’s so fucking unconventionally perfect. I don’t know whether I want to kick him in the balls or lick his face.
— Heather M. Orgeron, Boomerangers
I want to rip the rest of those buttons open and climb him like a monkey in a banana tree. Oh God, what I would do with his banana...
— Heather M. Orgeron, Boomerangers
She’s not ready and maybe she never will be, but I won’t stop trying. I’ll be patient if it kills me. I can just see it now. Cooper Hebert died of blue balls and a broken heart.
— Heather M. Orgeron, Boomerangers
You’re stupid. First of all, I need for you to know that.” “Uhhh, thanks?” “That is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. What could possibly be more romantic than the man of your dreams swooping in like a white knight? This is your fucking fairytale, bitch, and you’re about to let it slip away...” Gina growls in frustration. Add a note
— Heather M. Orgeron, Boomerangers
I find blow jobs to be highly respectable. In fact, I can’t think of many things I respect more than your lips around my cock.
— Heather M. Orgeron, Boomerangers
I can't believe he stabbed the guy. Eight years old. I'm the most irresponsible kidnapper ever.
— Joey Comeau, Lockpick Pornography
Often we have to remind our minds that the job of asshole is already taken.
— Scott Stabile
It was weird, ’cause there we were in Italy listening to people singing in German. The music was nice, though, and there was this guy dressed up like a parrot. If you’d asked me a year ago to guess what opera was like, I’d never have guessed it had guys dressed as parrots. I might’ve wanted to go and see some sooner if I’d known. It was a sweet story, ’cause he met this girl who was dressed as a parrot too, and they got off together.
— J.L. Merrow, Muscling Through
I look around, hoping I can postpone the indignity of stuttering like a lunatic in front of the sexiest man alive – according to People magazine, twice – while giving him crazy eyes. Of course, everyone looks like they’re taken care of. Except for Mr. Sexypants, major Hollywood actor, Nathanial Stone, Sir.
— D.L. Hess, Sir
Quiet,” she hissed at me, her voice shockingly aggressive for such a small person. “Otherwise, I’ll shut you up myself.
— Adele          Rose, Shattered
I was just thinking that it would be nice if, for once in a while, life made things easier,” I told him, feeling annoyed. “Why does life have to throw impossible tasks at us all the time for crying out loud?” At hearing my debate, Luna huffed.“Because life’s a bitch,” she growled under her breath, sulking. “That’s why.
— Adele          Rose, Shattered
I was going to become a human sand burger.
— Adele          Rose, Shattered
It was as if she was a wannabe Persian cat who had just tasted sour milk.
— Adele          Rose, Shattered
Clearly, this was another thing I needed to add to the: ‘repetitive cycle of things that were constantly happening in my life’ list, which currently contained fainting and my ability to find trouble.
— Adele          Rose, Shattered
Of course they were eaten,” he retorted, his eyes flashing in cold humour. “Trolls generally aren’t exactly renowned for being vegetarians.
— Adele          Rose
Well…it’s whether you want to face certain death by taking a risk on the other route or almost certain death by scaling the walls?” she replied. “Therefore, for me, considering our options, it’s a no brainer.
— Adele          Rose, Shattered
How do you want me to give you that warning?” he added, grinning. Sweat rolled down his chiselled back and he wagged his eyebrows suggestively. “It comes with two settings. One that reads: ‘danger – too hot to handle’ or ‘danger – don’t get too close or you’ll get burnt.
— Adele          Rose, Shattered
Man I’m hot,” I exclaimed, fanning myself. The combination of climbing out of the cave and the sun meant that I was perspiring like crazy. “Why thank you,” retorted Blaine, smirking. “I’m pleased that my presence causes that kind of reaction.
— Adele          Rose, Shattered
Yeah. Of course I can do simple math. I graduated high school, ya know.”“What an accomplishment. No one has ever done that before.
— S.A. Stovall, Vice City
No one knew how old she was, but she vaguely remembered waving to President Coolidge. She still had all of her marbles, though every one of them was a bit odd and rolled asymmetrically.
— Ellen Klages, In the House of the Seven Librarians
Orgasms are a myth. Like good credit scores.
— Kelly Moran, Benediction
Charlie waves me on, then leans an elbow on his chair. Propping his head up with a finger by his te
— Krista Ritchie, Damaged Like Us
Little James Herondale, age two, was in fact holding a dagger quite well. He stabbed it into a sofa cushion, sending out a burst of feathers. "Ducks," he said, pointing at the feathers.
— Cassandra Clare, Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy
You're baking?""Yes.""It's almost midnight.""I specialize in late-night kitchen disasters.
— Jenna Evans Welch, Love & Gelato
We play and tease, but―darn it―he has not dragged me into the rain and kissed me senseless yet. And that's how it's supposed to happen. I know; I read romance novels.
— Shari L. Tapscott, Just the Essentials
This is nice,' Melody said, picking up a red leather box with a vintage watch inside.'Yes, it is nice. It's the watch I gave Walker as a wedding gift.''He gave it back?''Actually, he sold it back to the person I bought it from who alerted me and I reacquired it.''I'm sorry. That sounds upsetting.''It was. Very. Especially since he sold the watch to buy combs for my long hair and without knowing what he had done I sold my hair to buy a leather case for this watch.
— Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney, The Nest
Being immortal is grand and all but I don't really remember half of what I did. The human brain was not made to hold this much information. So it doesn't.
— John Kennebrew, Restless nights and Zombies
It seems the only thing that can rob you of your formidable powers of inquisition is the sight of me without a shirt on.
— Caine, Magic Hunter
You are amazing," she said. "And you make a very handsome elephant.
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune
My phone buzzed in the center console again."What's happening with this thing?" Dad grabbed it."Dad, really?" I didn't want him to see the texts between Dash and me. Awkward."He says he knew it."The traffic opened up, and I went right on Sunset. "Please don't scroll.""Knew what?""I have no idea, and I'm driving. So forget it for
— C.D. Reiss, HardBall
I thought you came down right on the side of go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
When did you get that?""The shirt? At Macy's. Winter sale.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
If he sees you in this apartment he will seriously murder you and then break up with me.  And I really, really don’t want him to break up with me, Linc.”“But murdering me, that’s all good?
— Trevion Burns, Tingle
There is nothing more American than buying a Japanese car on the 4th of July
— Johnny Corn
Merrick and I had both had tattoos, my magpie and his elephant and castle, imposed on us as…it’s a long story. A reward, or apology, or both, from the Dragon Head, or grand master, of one of the larger criminal organisations in China after we accidentally saved his son’s life.”“Accidentally?”“It’s a VERY long story.
— K.J. Charles
I always thought it's way more important to be funny or to be honest than to look any certain way
— Emma Stone
Do you remember—”“Fuck, yes.” Merrick stood. “And if you’re telling this story, I’m getting the bottle.
— K.J. Charles
The thing Tedros liked about girls is that they always started the conversation. Most of the time, his job was just to listen, ask questions, and try to understand what in God’s name was going on in their complicated little heads. He rarely had any idea what girls were talking about or why they made everything so torturous in their logic, so playing the role of the strong, silent type usually gave him time to catch up.
— Soman Chainani, The Last Ever After
What? Why are you making the glee nose? The death of my world is funny? The final vengeance of my people? I will kill you.
— Jackson Lanzing, Joyride Vol. 2
You’re a talking cat?” Endora asked with a look of disbelief on her face.“My, my, my, aren’t you the bright bulb of the bunch,” he replied with a bit of snarky smugness. “Tell me then, bright-bulb, do you suppose that I need your permission to talk just because I’m a cat?” He raised his paw to his face, admiring his newly gnawed manicure. After he observed the last nail, he slapped his paw down on the floorboards, making a low thud sound. “Because I don’t,” he smirked.Endora was taken by surprise at his rudeness. She stared back at him, speechless and not quite sure how to respond. “Are you a magic cat?” Mila busted in with a question that seemed as silly to her as to the cat.He glared and narrowed his eyes at her. “A magic cat,” he said, standing up to arch his furry back. “Is my talking some sort of magic to you? If it is… then I am.” He stretched his back higher and let out a long purr that turned into, “Purrhaps, you four little witchy girls should clearly refine your meaning of magic so you know what it means before you say the word magic.” “I rather am quite fond of talking cats,” Selena said with a big smile. “Of course, you’re the first one I’ve ever seen.”The cat narrowed its eyes tighter. “Indeed,” he said, letting out a yawn as if the whole conversation were a bore. He leapt off the porch and dash away, mumbling and grumbling his way down the corridor. Selena looked over at Endora. “Rude little snot, isn’t he?” she said.
— Sophie Palmer, Abracadabra: Witchy Poo U
Lunch makes me feel a bit better.
— Suzanne Collins
A drunken but exceedingly depressed German clown from Munich entertained the public.
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment
Nothing was ever where Cole wanted it to be.
— Katie Mishra, Epiphany Island
I'm realizing that some of my greatest (or at least most determined) genius lies in my ability to procrastinate.
— Scott Stabile
Buddy I have lived through three wars and several major political skirmishes. You can't beat me down with your boring-to-death sales pitches.
— Anissa Rafeh, Beirut to the 'burbs
Tell me, what's the difference between tracking a wild beast and securing a husband?
— Shari L. Tapscott, Moss Forest Orchid
I should need to be a herd of elephants, I thought, and a wilderness of spiders, desperately referring to the animals that are reputed longest lived and most multitudinously eyed, to cope with all of this.
— Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own
Go to sleep, dweller-baby. I’ll kill Elowin as soon as we find her.” He didn’t sound like he was kidding. Each word was low and laced with truth.“Next time, just say like … sleep well, or something normal,” I said. “Not go to sleep, I’ll be murdering someone in no time. It doesn’t sound as comforting as you think it does.
— Jaymin Eve, Trickery
Is there something going on between you and Matias?”“No!”“Okay, I may not have a truck load of fancy degrees but all I can say is… liar, liar, I’m seriously thinking of grabbing my blow torch and setting your pants on fire.
— Jane Cousins, To Surprise A Seer
Matias frowned.  Damn, he’d had a vision of this gorgeous woman naked?  He hadn’t thought he could despise his memory loss any more than he did, but the hits kept on coming.  Wait.  The blonde had said vision... as in the future?  “We’re fated to have sex?”  “No!”  Quinn shook her head so quickly and vehemently that her teeth all but rattled.“You sure?  You can’t seem to stay away from me.”  He looked down at their close proximity.  “I knew I should have left you to rot in the psych ward strapped to that bed.”Matias frowned.  He was having a hard time keeping up with the conversation.  “Kinky.  Or is that another dream you had starring yours truly?
— Jane Cousins, To Surprise A Seer
She was smart like that, and lucky like that, and people loved the hell out of her. They didn’t love the hell out of me; they ran the hell away from me. It wasn’t like I was a bad person or anything, I just … had a lot of accidents. I didn’t mean accidents like I ate glue and then peed myself on a regular basis. I just tripped more than usual, and accidently set things on fire more than what would be considered ‘normal’. I got kicked out of the village school only one moon-cycle before graduation for accidently making one of the teachers bald. How do you accidently make someone bald? That’s a good question. All you really need is a bucket of warm tar to accidently toss onto the back of their head. How do you get a bucket of warm tar? You don’t go looking for it or anything—or at least I didn’t. It was just sitting on the road outside the school and I thought I should carry it inside to ask what it was.
— Jaymin Eve, Trickery
At this point I'm sure he's more plastic than person, but most people who hate wrinkles become Daleks over time, anyway.
— Ashley Poston, Geekerella
I don't have a hot date. I don't even have a lukewarm date.
— Sarah Morgan, Miracle on 5th Avenue
The fish is that perfect, amazing guy it can never work out with—you know, a bird and a fish may fall in love—but where would they live? . . . So the fish is your total dream guy, he’s smart, he’s handsome, he gets all your jokes, he loves to talk, he gives you a nine-hour orgasm and then makes you homemade chocolate chip pancakes and serves you breakfast in bed—but he lives all the way across the country and neither of you can move, or he’s married, or next in line for the throne, or he has a terminal disease or something . . . the fish.
— Lisa Daily, Single-Minded
Ah, well, when you explain it like that, it seems obvious," said Mudge. "Of course, it always seems obvious once it's been explained.
— Theodora Goss, The Strange Case of the Alchemist's Daughter
listen carefully, as this may be something of a shock to you." "A shock? You mean all that was just the precursor?
— Marissa Meyer, Cinder
Close your eyes!""You can't kiss me from down there, Wylan." "Just do it!
— Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows
I try very hard to be annoying! Don't insult my ability to annoy!
— Rick Riordan
Me mum always told me the rich was blessed, but I thought she was talkin' about gold." She leaned over to cackle in his ear, then actually patted him on the head as if he was some slavering lapdog. "You might have escaped the gallows, lad, but you was already well hung.
— Teresa Medeiros, A Kiss to Remember
F*ck you guys, I'm goin' home
— Eric Cartman
F*ck you guys, I'm goin' home.
— Eric Cartman
You should really smile more Miss.”  “Smiling Is overrated.” my voice as sharp as a knife, my voice deadpanned, as I sulked at the wall.
— Shayla Orick
I’d never heard of a rain check before, but hoped it was something storm rescuers bought bags of souvenirs for their kids with.
— Amber McRee Turner, Sway
Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch.
— Eoin Colfer, Airman
I saved you,” Andersen said at last, slowly but firmly, like Pat was an idiot child who had to be reminded of the basic rules of the universe. To wit: Gravity exists. Time purports to flow in a linear fashion, but it’s only trying to fool us. I saved you.
— Alex Gabriel, Love for the Cold-Blooded, or The Part-Time Evil Minion's Guide to Accidentally Dating a Superhero
The West Sister Dating Rules were clear on the matter of apologies. On the evolutionary scale of dating, a guy who apologized solely for the sake of ending the argument and getting back into your good graces was on the level of primeval slime — especially if he was clearly doing so merely because he was hoping for sex. The proper response was to unveil the offender’s deceit by demanding he explain what exactly he was apologizing for, and then scorn him when he betrayed his ignorance.
— Alex Gabriel, Love for the Cold-Blooded, or The Part-Time Evil Minion's Guide to Accidentally Dating a Superhero
When D's cabin caught fire, D was out of the country. Half the town-Christians and drinkers alike-came out to fight the fire and loot the cabin. There were individual piles of loot, and fights over the piles. "That's my pile." "The hell it is, it's mine.
— John McPhee, Coming into the Country
Not that I can think of. In fact, I have never met anyone who didn’t like gargoyles.
— Shayla Orick
Funny is always a good way to start when in doubt
— Ocean R Stark
I gather you weren't keen on going back to Scotland with your brother at this time of year. I don't say I blame you. Terribly bleak and cutoff in the winter.""Oh no, Mom," I said, as her words sunk in. "My brother is not going back to Scotland. He and my sister-in-law are going to the Riviera."The Riviera? I had no idea.""For my sister-in-law's health. She's feeling rather frail at the moment.""I don't think that frail would ever be a word to describe your sister-in-law," the Queen said, looking up with a half smile on her lips as a tray of coffee was reeled into the room."I managed to have six children without making a fuss. One just got on with it.
— Rhys Bowen, Naughty in Nice
Well, aint this a kick in the dick!
— Genocider Syo (Touko Fukawa
I’d like to say I’m not dressed up for anyone in particular, but that would be a lie.
— Lisa Daily, Single-Minded
When I think about books, I touch my shelf.
— Unknown
Is the princess still in the fitting room?""Oh no, darling. She appeared about half an hour ago. Poured herself a black coffee, and looked longingly at the cakes. That child is starving herself if you ask me. Now she's definitely too thin. European men do like a woman to have a little meat on her bones.""And Prince Nicolas, have you seen him recently?""I haven't seen him since lunch. I gather he and Antone went out to shoot. And I expect Max went with them. They're only happy when they're shooting something. Apart from sex of course." "Mother!" I gave her a warning frown. My mother glanced around at the other women, who were tucking into their tort with abandon. "They won't understand. Their English is hopeless, darling. Besides, it is about time you are acquainted with the facts of life. I've hopelessly neglected my duty in that area. Men only have two thoughts in their heads. And those are killing or copulating.""I'm sure there are plenty of men with finer feelings who are interested in art and culture.""Yes, darling. Of course there are. They are called ferries. And they are quite adorable. So witty and fun to be with. But in my long and varied life I've found that the ones who are witty to be with are no use in bed. And vice versa.
— Rhys Bowen, Royal Blood
Don't worry, Sean. You're still hot even in the hospital gown," Sandra said."Don't lie out of pity, Sandy. No one can look hot in these," Flora scolded. A gleam came to life in her hazel eyes. "Wait, are these the type that opens in the back? In that case would you get up and close the blinds over there for us?
— rainbowbrook, Kissing Is the Easy Part
I pondered what else I should take for him. Flowers seemed wrong; they're a love token, after all. I looked in the fridge, and popped a packet of cheese slices into the bag. All men like cheese.
— Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine
I squinted at her. “You’re an adult.” “You’re an adult too.” “But you’re an older adult. You’ve had more practice.” Mom leaned back and laughed.
— Ilona Andrews, White Hot
I had no idea how to respond, and opted for a smile, which serves me well on most occasions (not if it's something to do with death or illness, though -- I know that now.)
— Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine
My eye was drawn to a bright green hue, the same shade as a poisonous Amazonian frog, the tiny, delightfully deadly ones.
— Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine
Roarke didn't quite make it to Eve's office. He found her down the corridor, in front of one of the vending machines. She and the machine appeared to be in the middle of a vicious argument."I put the proper credits in, you blood-sucking, money-grubbing son of a bitch." Eve punctuated this by slamming her fist where the machine's heart would be, if it had one.ANY ATTEMPT TO VANDALIZE, DEFACE, OR DAMAGE THIS UNIT IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE.The machine spoke in a prissy, singsong voice Roarke was certain was sending his wife's blood pressure through the roof.THIS UNIT IS EQUIPPED WITH SCANEYE, AND HAS RECORDED YOUR BADGE NUMBER. DALLAS, LIEUTENANT EVE. PLEASE INSERT PROPER CREDIT, IN COIN OR CREDIT CODE, FOR YOUR SELECTION. AND REFRAIN FROM ATTEMPTING TO VANDALIZE, DEFACE, OR DAMAGE THIS UNIT."Okay, I'll stop attempting to vandalize, deface, or damage you, you electronic street thief. I'll just do it."She swung back her right foot, which Roarke had cause to know could deliver a paralyzing kick from a standing position. But before she could follow through he stepped up and nudged her off balance."Please, allow me, Lieutenant.""Don't put any more credits in that thieving bastard," she began, then hissed when Roarke did just that."Candy bar, I assume. Did you have any lunch?""Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it's just going to keep stealing if people like you pander to it.""Eve, darling, it's a machine. It does not think.""Ever hear of artificial intelligence, ace?""Not in a vending machine that dispenses chocolate bars.
— J.D. Robb, Betrayal in Death
The gilded confines of the Beauty Hall were not my preferred habitat; like the chicken that had laid the eggs for my sandwich, I was more of a free-range creature.
— Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine
They say the crazies come out at night. I say the crazies come out during election year: Elections have the power to turn once seemingly normal people into certified loonies.
— Criss Jami
I do not think, Prospero,' he said, 'that one should attribute a very high degree of reality to your house.
— John Bellairs, The Face in the Frost
Nahum bobbed again. 'My crest is cropped by croaking cranes. I go to drown in doleful dumps, dead-drunk with drearihead.
— John Bellairs, The Face in the Frost
Everyone is a Butthole.
— Ted Aramac, Everyone Is a Butthole: A Guide to the Buttholes of Life, and How to Deal with Them.
I take my food very seriously. Whenever I hear that bell, I know Mrs. Norris is hankerin' for some spam.
— Sandy Ward Bell, Parked at the Mansfields'
In my defense, the Easter Bunny is the weakest link in magical lore. I mean, you have to admit that the whole thing is ridiculous. A giant rodent who sneaks into people's homes at night to leave eggs filled with candy? How in the world is that symbolic of the Easter celebration?
— Autumn Doughton, Chasing Polaris
He picked up the sketchbook, turning it so she could see his work - a gorgeous rendition of a stone bridge they'd passed, surrounded by the drooping boughs of oak trees."You could sketch me," said Emma. She flung herself down onto her seat, leaning her head on her hand. "Draw me like one of your french girls.
— Cassandra Clare, Lord of Shadows
Assad whistled a few notes of one of his native country's melancholic songs. It sounded as though he was whistling backwards
— Jussi Adler-Olsen, Disgrace
Carl Mørck, am I disturbing you? said a voice at the door, which made his blood boil and turn to ice at the same time. His spinal cord sent five commands through his infrastructure: get rid of the eraser, cover the last line, put away the cigarette, drop the stupid facial expression, close your mouth!
— Jussi Adler-Olsen, Disgrace
If you want to know what the camel stole from your kitchen yesterday, then you shouldn;t slit open its stomach. You should stare into its arsehole.
— Jussi Adler-Olsen
He'd make her work so hard that a job as a cardboard-box presser at the margerine factory would seem like paradise.
— Jussi Adler-Olsen, Disgrace
Bak stood a moment, as though considering whether the sum total of their shared working life was ending in a minus or a plus.
— Jussi Adler-Olsen, Disgrace
Phi cang Saigon Tansonnhut"   "He puzzled at the meaning and smiled inwardly. The sign probably said, “Welcome and Affectionate Salutations to All Who Enter the Glorious Tan Son Nhut Air Base, Home of Seventh Air Force, Only Minutes from Beautiful Saigon.” Or maybe not; he couldn’t know. Maybe it read, “Welcome to the Dung Heap of Despair—Abandon Cheer, All Ye Who Enter.
— Tony   Taylor
I'm out of the room in the next instant, like a man wanting breath, after suffocating through the horror of a burrito eating obese man's fart." - Emily Dolt
— Nix Banner, Framed
Ever since my famous battle with Python, I've had a phobia of scaly reptilian creatures. (Especially if you include my stepmother, Hera. BOOM!)
— Rick Riordan, The Dark Prophecy
I'm never growing up, I'll just sit in the corner of time and sip my juice box petulantly and judge your terrible Hamlet adaptations.
— Rhiannon McGavin
Amren,” Rhys drawled, “sends her regards. And as for this one … ” I tried not to flinch away from meeting his stare. “She’s mine,” he said quietly, but viciously enough that Devlon and his warriors nearby heard. “And if any of you lay a hand on her, you lose that hand. And then you lose your head.” I tried not to shiver, as Cassian and Mor showed no reaction at all. “And once Feyre is done killing you,” Rhys smirked, “then I’ll grind your bones to dust.
— Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury
I’m alive,” he groaned. “But I’m not doing a very good job of it.
— Merrie Haskell, The Castle Behind Thorns
And turnips - endless ruptured turnips.
— Merrie Haskell, The Castle Behind Thorns
Perrotte frowned. “I’d like to turn a plowshare into a sword ,” she said. “I’d cut our way out of those thorns, and then use it to run my enemies through—” She bit off her next words and swallowed them. Sand stared at her, aghast. She met his eyes, defiant. “What? You don’t like bloodthirstiness?” she asked. “Pardon? No. I’m horrified that you would dull a sword on that thorn brake. I could make you some pretty good hedge shears.
— Merrie Haskell, The Castle Behind Thorns
The truth is . . . Well, the truth is the truth, and thus worth telling, but sometimes truths are so complicated that it’s exhausting to get them out in the right order.” He glanced up at her. That sounded like an evasion if ever she’d heard one. She raised an eyebrow.
— Merrie Haskell, The Castle Behind Thorns
Saint Melor’s father was Saint Meliau.”“Was everyone in Bertaèyn a saint, back in the day?”“Everyone who didn’t murder anyone, maybe,” Perrotte said.
— Merrie Haskell, The Castle Behind Thorns
The shrine I prayed at not to go to university,” Sand said.“I guess your prayer was answered,” Perrotte said.Sand strongly considered throwing something at her—but there was nothing to hand that wasn’t sacred.
— Merrie Haskell, The Castle Behind Thorns
Two death sentences? Really? I mean, you look very well, considering.”Crane grinned at him. “One was in absentia. One wasn’t, and I spent three days in a condemned cell. I can’t recommend the experience.”“And—did you say a smuggler?”“That was what the death sentences were for.
— K.J. Charles, The Magpie Lord
What?” he asked in a low voice.“You looked like you spent your last joy bill.”He hissed, “What does that even mean?”“I don’t know. I was just trying it out.”“Well, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t make sense. And anyway, I’ve got plenty of joy bills. Loads.”Helen said, “What’s happening there on your phone?”“A very small joy debit.”His older sister’s smile shone brightly. “You see, it does work. Now, did you or did you not need to get out of that room?”Gansey inclined his head in slight acknowledgment. Gansey siblings knew each other well.“You’re so welcome,” Helen said. “Let me know if you need me to write a joy check.”“I really don’t think it works.
— Maggie Stiefvater, The Dream Thieves
How did you get into the castle, Alexandre, son of Gilles Smith?” Sand shrugged. “A saint kidnapped me from his shrine and put me into a fireplace here. So I guess the answer is, a miracle of Saint Melor. Or so I think. He has not told me.” “If you are trying to antagonize him, you are doing a good job,” Perrotte whispered. Sand scuffed his shoe at her. “I’m just telling the truth!” “You’re very good at telling it in the most maddening way possible.”“Thank you?
— Merrie Haskell, The Castle Behind Thorns
You’re not mending anything, remember, Sand? The hedge.” He paused and shook his head at himself. “And Perrotte’s away for a few minutes, and you’re talking to yourself again.
— Merrie Haskell, The Castle Behind Thorns
It was a fine summer morning, the kind to make a man happy to be alive. And probably the man *would* have been happier to be alive. He was, in fact, dead. It would be hard to be deader without special training.
— Terry Pratchett, Theatre of Cruelty
When in doubt," Calypso said, "Tater Tots.
— Rick Riordan, The Dark Prophecy
Four different kinds of Tater Tots?" I felt overwhelmed by culinary confusion. "Why would anyone need so many? Chili. Sweet potato. Blue?
— Rick Riordan, The Dark Prophecy
I choked on the air I'd just sucked in and swung around in disbelief. "What did you just say?""Me and the whole PD heard about your wet bra, so I'm assuming your panties are wet too.
— Rachel Brookes, All That I Am
It's so Hogwarts.
— Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss
Come on, you guys. I know you want to line up to hug this motherfucker here. Don’t be shy. My awesomeness is contagious.” He winked.Mason got up, shaking his head. “You were just on the phone with Logan, weren’t you?”“Hell yeah, my Mason motherfucker. Come here, you gorgeous son of a bitch.
— Tijan
So none of the young men we encountered during our season gave you hot pants for them?Belinda! Your language. I've been mingling with Americans. Such fun. So Naughty.
— Rhys Bowen, Her Royal Spyness
These three man," Mimi said, "are suspects in a recent theft. Last night, Polly Partial received a shipment of twenty blueberry pies. This morning she counted them and came up short.""How many are missing?" I asked."Last night she had twenty," Harvey said, shutting the station door, "and today she found zero. So at least eighteen are missing.""At least." I agreed.
— Lemony Snicket, File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents
Motto for latin countries: If you're not late, you're not on time
— Bogdan Vaida
He went through the bills with the jaundiced eye of a China trader, asking himself not whether he had been stolen from, but where the theft had occurred. If he couldn’t find it, that would suggest his factor back home in Shanghai was either cleverer or more honest than he had thought, and Crane didn’t think he was particularly honest.
— K.J. Charles
In our profession, we tend to name things exactly as we see them. Big red stars we call red giants. Small white stars we call white dwarfs. When stars are made of neutrons, we call them neutron stars. Stars that pulse, we call them pulsars. In biology they come up with big Latin words for things. MDs write prescriptions in a cuneiform that patients can’t understand, hand them to the pharmacist, who understands the cuneiform. It’s some long fancy chemical thing, which we ingest. In biochemistry, the most popular molecule has ten syllables—deoxyribonucleic acid! Yet the beginning of all space, time, matter, and energy in the cosmos, we can describe in two simple words, Big Bang. We are a monosyllabic science, because the universe is hard enough. There is no point in making big words to confuse you further.Want more? In the universe, there are places where the gravity is so strong that light doesn’t come out. You fall in, and you don’t come out either: black hole. Once again, with single syllables, we get the whole job done. Sorry, but I had to get all that off my chest.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson, Welcome to the Universe: The Problem Book
He texts back: I love you.I'm starting to text back, I love you, too, when my phone rings. It's Peter's house number, and I answer it eagerly."I love you, too," I say.There is surprised silence on the other end, then a little laugh to cover it up. "Hi, Lara Jean. This is Peter's mom.
— Jenny Han, Always and Forever, Lara Jean
I pat her on the head. "Oh, naive little Kitten. Dear, foolish girl. This cookie is worth all this and more. Sit or you will not partake.
— Jenny Han, Always and Forever, Lara Jean
Noah had wandered down the aisle, but now he gleefully returned with a snow globe. He stood behind Ronan until he pushed off the shelf to admire the atrocity. "Glitter," whispered Noah reverentially, giving it a shake.
— Maggie Stiefvater, The Dream Thieves
What's happening here?" This last bit was hissed to Ronan and Noah. "Noah took a personal day.""I lost..." Noah struggled for words. "There wasn't air. It went away. The - the line!""The ley line?" Gansey asked.Noah nodded once, a sloppy thing that was sort of a shrug at the same time. "There was nothing ... left for me." Releasing Ronan, he shook out his hands. "You're welcome, man," Ronan snarled. He still couldn't feel his toes."Thanks. I didn't mean to ... you were there. Oh, the glitter.""Yes," Ronan replied crossly. "The glitter.
— Maggie Stiefvater, The Dream Thieves
At this, Gansey rolled over onto his back and folded his hands on his chest. He wore a salmon polo shirt, which, in Blue’s opinion, was far more hellish than anything they’d discussed to this point.
— Maggie Stiefvater, The Dream Thieves
You know, Mac,”Cadmus said still looking out the window. “We may have to work on the way we tell our story …apparently it’s not amusing enough.” “I’ll try to include a joke between ‘he bled to death’and ‘the city burned’.”Machaon responded tersely.
— Sulari Gentill, Chasing Odysseus
What’s going on?” Ingrid asked. “Listen, nothing bad today, please.” She pulled a chair out and sat down. Faye stared at her and said the words as quickly as she could. “I’m just going to give it to you straight as I can. Mila is a witch.” Ingrid busted out with a laugh. “I wouldn’t call her that,” she said. “That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?” She poured the juice into her glass and took a drink. “What did the brat do this time?” She set her glass down.
— Taylor Keys, Double Bubble Boil and Trouble
That’s probably the most sincere thing that I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.”Logan lowered his eyes to Tate’s hand. “Now, that’s not true. I was very sincere this morning when I told you that I loved sucking your—”“Don’t ruin it,” Tate interrupted.
— Ella Frank, Try
Can you sharpen this for me, please?”Logan leaned across the table and took the pencil from him. “You want me to play with your pencil, Tate?”“Hilarious. The sharpener is right by you. You just have to pick it up and slide it in.”As soon as the words left his mouth and Logan’s quirked into an arrogant line, Tate bit his tongue.“Really? Did you really just say that to me?”Feeling more comfortable than ever with Logan and this group, Tate shrugged and nodded. Time to give it to Logan as good as he gives.“Yeah. Is there a problem? You just line it up...and slide it in.”“You know, Tate—”“Don't do it.” Tate cut him off as he moved his foot, the one he’d had sitting between Logan’s feet all night, so his shin bumped Logan’s calf.“Do what?”“Say something dirty. I know you're dying to, but just sharpen the pencil.”Logan picked up the sharpener and made a big show of inserting the tip in the hole.“Jesus,” Shelly muttered from beside Logan. “I thought Rachel and Cole were bad.
— Ella Frank, Take
Glancing at the bottle of tequila in Tate’s hand, Logan questioned much more calmly than he felt, “How full was that?”Tate lifted the quarter-empty bottle and shrugged. “Unopened. Why?
— Ella Frank, Try
On a date, if you look more often to your phone than to your girlfriend/wife, then you have a problem... but if it is your partner who is messaging you, than you both need help.
— Alin Sav
If God would cry, you can´t compare it to a tsunami.
— Alin Sav
Things hit a limit, though, when I was set upon by a pickpocket in a baker's shop. I didn't notice that I was being set upon by a pickpocket, which I am glad of, because I like to work only with professionals.
— Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See
Coraline tried drawing the mist. After ten minutes of drawing she still had a white sheet of paper with "MIST" written on it one corner in slightly wiggly letters. She grunted and passed it to her mother."Mm. Very modern, dear," said Coraline's mother.
— Neil Gaiman, Coraline
But then again, I shouldn't judge. That is, after all, my pet peeve.
— Katie McGarry, Red at Night
It's funny how things work out.Trouble is, I'm still not laughing.
— Anthony T. Hincks
I'd grown impervious to all three of his facial expressions.
— Cookie O'Gorman, Ninja Girl
Winnie, don't you ever think you're selling yourself short?""Nope. Never. I'm really good at picking quality dick.
— Elizabeth   Brown
That one doesn’t count. The poor scoundrel is deaf, but he makes a fine sniffer. How do you think we found you?
— H.S. Crow, Lunora and the Monster King
Dammit Bard, you're going to set the cat on fire.
— V.E. Schwab, A Gathering of Shadows
Maybe your aunt is funny in quiet moments with her friends because like many women her age, she was taught to not draw attention to herself. And maybe she also noticed how men of her generation weren't attracted to the women who spoke out of turn and uttered their own opinions out loud. And certainly these types of men weren't attracted to women who were funnier than them. Women have always been funny. They just weren't interested in sharing their jokes with you. Truth in point, my mom is hilarious. She has also been single since 1974.
— W. Kamau Bell, The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell: Tales of a 6' 4", African American, Heterosexual, Cisgender, Left-Leaning, Asthmatic, Black and Proud Blerd, Mama's Boy, Dad, and Stand-Up Comedian
What you're experiencing isn't a dry spell. It's a dust bowl. Tell me, do you find cob webs in there every time you get yourself off?
— Parker S. Huntington, Asher Black
But I saw your aura looking healthy again, then looking sick after a hunt. And you keep getting migraines. You should take better care of yourself,” he added mildly. “Look for ways to not be so tense – long walks, meditation, these things would help.”Alex suddenly felt like Seb was his therapist; he had to resist the urge to shake him.
— L.A. Weatherly, Angel Fire
Lunch started off tense after our heated moment. Thank goodness for Blake. Kai was warm toward him, reserving his coolness for me. I watched, keeping quiet. They fought over the last piece of General Tso’s shrimp, and I had to laugh when the little thing went flying in the air and landed in a wet footprint next to the pool.“You can have it,” Kaidan graciously offered, and Blake shoved him one last time.
— Wendy Higgins, Sweet Peril
Botox is as common as seagulls in Sarasota, but most of the women I know who use the dermatologist’s little helper still have full range of expression. Except squinting, of course.
— Lisa Daily, Single-Minded
Funny is like sexy, and they are kind of related. What turns one person on is hilarious to another person. And vice versa. And you can see all of this at the nexus of clowns. Many people think clowns are hilarious. (Many others think clowns are creepy.) But there is a certain percentage of people who think clowns are sexy. Don't believe me, Google "clown porn" right now. I dare you. And if you don't need to Google that, then it's because it is already saved on your browser. So when these dudes say, "Women aren't funny," they are forgetting a classically important addendum: "to me." They should be saying, "Women aren't funny to me." But they don't say "to me" because if you are a man in America, you are considered the norm. (Remember it's the NBA and the W[omen's]NBA, not the WNBA and the M[en's]NBA.) And if you are a white man in America, then you are also considered the norm.
— W. Kamau Bell, The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell: Tales of a 6' 4", African American, Heterosexual, Cisgender, Left-Leaning, Asthmatic, Black and Proud Blerd, Mama's Boy, Dad, and Stand-Up Comedian
That evening I was the sole guest in the huge dining room, and it was the same startled person who took my order and shortly afterwards brought me a fish that had doubtless lain entombed in the deep-freeze for years. The breadcrumb armour-plating of the fish had been partly singed by the grill, and the prongs of my fork bent on it. Indeed it was so difficult to penetrate what eventually proved to be nothing but an empty shell that my plate was a hideous mess once the operation was over. The tartare sauce that I had had to squeeze out of a plastic sachet was turned grey by the sooty breadcrumbs, and the fish itself, or what feigned to be fish, lay a sorry wreck among the grass-green peas and the remains of soggy chips that gleamed with fat.
— W. G. Sebold
And I’d be damned if I let the first photograph of me in ten years be taken on fucking Amtrak. I mean, the light alone.
— Elizabeth Little
Yeah, that’s what Jeffrey said too. Oh, wait … Jeffrey said something about a Sacred Abil and the Trophy of Stavlini, or Stavriti, or Stav … something.”“Staviti?” The hysteria in Emmy’s voice was definitely becoming prominent now. “The Trophy of Staviti? You stole the Trophy of Staviti?”I clapped a hand over her mouth, trying to muffle her shriek. “No!” I answered reflexively. “Or yes. Kind of. Maybe. Why?”She gave a muffled answer, and I realised that I was still holding my hand over her mouth. I pulled away, allowing her to speak again.“You don’t know who Staviti is, Willa? Seriously? You couldn’t pay attention in class even for that much?”“I knew it sounded familiar,” I grumbled, feeling defensive. “Is it the god of … um … food or something?
— Jaymin Eve, Trickery(Curse of the Gods)
Please ejaculate", I silently urged the man, "so I can go to sleep". (In this way I imagine I was like millions of women before me
— Jon Ronson, So You've Been Publicly Shamed
I still didn’t turn. Instead, I just listened really hard. I couldn’t tell where he was standing anymore, but I could sense that he was still there somewhere. Well obviously … because he didn’t exactly jump out of the window.
— Jaymin Eve, Trickery(Curse of the Gods)
I had heard of Virginia before only in passing, a "crazy ex" with whom things had not ended well. I was accustomed to this lazy shorthand for men who dislike the emotions of women.
— Alana Massey, All the Lives I Want: Essays About My Best Friends Who Happen to Be Famous Strangers
That spot was taken," Kara sat up to look at them. Stylized, short, black hair with bangs. Piercing blue eyes. Proper posture. Lean. It was Oliver. "I don't think a bag counts as a person," he smiled down at her.
— Alexis Tiger
Was she pregnant then?' asked Assad. Judging by the number of family members in his photos, it was a feminine condition with which he was quite familiar.
— Jussi Adler-Olsen, The Keeper of Lost Causes
@She is really really so beautiful there,' said Assad.Carl glanced at him. Apparently a woman's appearance was a particularly valuable factor in his assistant's world-view. But Carl agreed with him.
— Jussi Adler-Olsen, The Keeper of Lost Causes
She was a bitch,' Carl suddenly heard somebody say in the background, and that apparently refreshed everyone's memory.yes, thought Carl with satisfaction. It's the good stable arseholes like us who are remembered best.
— Jussi Adler-Olsen, The Keeper of Lost Causes
Assad: 'I have written it just down here.'He Pointed to a number of Arabic symbols that could just as well have meant it was going to snow in the Lofoten Islands in the morning.
— Jussi Adler-Olsen
Language-lovers know that there is a word for every fear. Are you afraid of wine? Then you have oenophobia. Tremulous about train travel? You suffer from siderodromophobia. Having misgivings about your mother-in-law is pentheraphobia, and being petrified of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth is arachibutyrophobia. And then there’s Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s affliction, the fear of fear itself, or phobophobia.
— Steven Pinker, How the Mind Works
You'd be amazed to discover all the tangible things that can come out of dreams." "Like drool?
— Catherine Lowell, The Madwoman Upstairs
Wintertime is the best time of the year to get really fat.
— Alin Sav
You can't hold someone whoWants to leaveYou can't clutch a memoryAs if it were todayYou can't take an insultClose to heartYou can't grasp for gloryFrom your chairYou can't seize lifeThinking only of lossAnd you can't grab a laser pointer dotOn the wallNo matter how much you tryThese hard-earned truths I give to you
— Francesco Marciuliano, I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats
The leaf twirls gentlyTo the dry groundThe flake tumbles lightlyTo the snow moundThe lightning falls mightilyTo the earth with a crashAnd I plummet sleepilyFrom the fridge to the trash.Such is nature's way
— Francesco Marciuliano, I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats