c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
Whatever it is," I said, "the point is moot because as long as I'm on these pills, I can't make contact to ask."Derek ... snapped, "Then you need to stop taking the pills."Love to. If I could. But after what happened last night, they're giving me urine tests now."Ugh. That's harsh." Simon went quiet, then snapped his fingers.Hey, I've got an idea. It's kinda gross, but what if you take the pills, crush them and mix them with your, you know, urine."Derek stared at him.What?"You did pass chem last year, didn't you?"Simon flipped him the finger. "Okay, genius, what's your idea?"I'll think about it. ..."***Here," Derek whispered, pressing an empty Mason jar into my hand. He'd pulled me aside after class and we were now standing at the base of the boy's staircase. "Take this up to your room and hide it."It's a ... jar."He grunted, exasperated that I was so dense I failed to see the critical importance of hiding an empty Mason jar in my room.It's for your urine."My what?"He rolled his eyes, a growl-like sound sliding through his teeth ashe leaned down, closer to my ear. "Urine. Pee. Whatever. For the testing."I lifted the jar to eye level. "I think they'll give me somethingsmaller."...You took your meds today, right?" he whispered.I nodded.Then use this jar to save it."Save . . . ?"Your urine. If you give them some of today's tomorrow, it'll seem like you're still taking your meds."You want me to . . . dole it out? Into specimen jars?"Got a better idea?"Um, no, but ..." I lifted the jar and stared into it.Oh, for God's sake. Save your piss. Don't save your piss. It's all the same to me."Simon peeked around the corner, brows lifted. "I was going to ask what you guys were doing, but hearing that, I think I'll pass.
— Kelley Armstrong, The Summoning
Don't look now, but that's my ex over there."Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked."Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control?
— Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland
[Thine] face is not worth sunburning.
— William Shakespeare, Henry V
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
— Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light
How very wet this water is.
— L. Frank Baum, The Marvelous Land of Oz
The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree.
— Flannery O'Connor, The Complete Stories
Married?" she practically screeched, not sounding all that pleased, which left him feeling a little offended. "We're not getting married."He snorted at that. "I may have let you have your naughty little way with me for the past couple of months, but that doesn't mean I'm going to allow you to keep treating me like some dirty little boy toy. If you want to live with me then I expect you to put a ring on my finger," he said, holding up his left hand and wiggling his ring finger to punctuate his words.
— R.L. Mathewson, Perfection
Screw this. He’d blown his shot at nice-and-easy, which only left quick-and-brutal—my favorite way to play.
— Rachel Vincent, Rogue
I snuck a look to see how Eric was taking this, and he was staring at me the same way the Monroe vampires had. Thoughtful. Hungry."That's interesting," he said. "I had a psychic once. It was incredible.""Did the psychic think so?
— Charlaine Harris, Dead Until Dark
Simon!" Clary shouted, and seized his arm. "What?" Simon looked alarmed."I'm not really sleeping with your mom, you know. I was just trying to get your attention. Not that your mom isn't a very attractive woman, for her age.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
Wait a second," Clary said."I never understand why people say that," Luke said, to no one in particular. "I wasn't going anywhere.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
You will not pass!” Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.
— Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic
I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
— Jon Stewart
I was washing the dishes and the sneaky bastard crept up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. And kissed me. Right here.” I pointed angrily to my neck. “Can I not have him committed or something?”Dr. Pritchard snorted. “For loving you?”I drew back, shaking my head in disgust. “Dr. Pritchard,” I admonished softly. “Whose side are you on?”“Braden’s.
— Samantha Young, On Dublin Street
Wow. What'd he do to deserve that? Rescue orphans from a burning building? If so, you might want to make sure he didn't set the building on fire in the first place.
— Richelle Mead, Frostbite
Shane dragged Eve's suitcase into the room and dumped it on the floor beside her bed. “Hey, Dark Princess? Here’s your crap. Also, bite me.
— Rachel Caine, Kiss of Death
I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay.
— Lady Gaga
You're very welcome," she said, giving my hair a hard tug. "You should be used to being gawked at by now.""And yet I'm not.""Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal, and I'll get up on the banquet table, toss my skirt over my head, and do a little dance. That way no one will be looking at you.
— Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone
Apparently the complete works of Shakespeare packed quite a wallop. To think, my mother said I'd never find use for an English degree. Ha! I'd like to see her knock someone silly with an apron and a cookie press.
— Rachel Vincent, Stray
I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much.
— Katie McGarry, Pushing the Limits
A pause followed my greeting. Then “We’re watching you ” whispered the voice on the other end.“Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? ”Silence. Then dial tone.These younger demons. So easily discouraged.
— Josh Lanyon, The Hell You Say
The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42!
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Too bad. Family members hit you by accident. Psychopathic whores tend to come back for more.
— Richelle Mead, Frostbite
I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?
— Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding
I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?
— Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl
Anthony Bridgerton leaned back in his leather chair,and then announced, "I'm thinking about getting married."Benedict Bridgerton, who had been indulging in a habit his mother detested—tipping his chair drunkenly on the back two legs—fell over.Colin Bridgerton started to choke.Luckily for Colin, Benedict regained his seat with enough time to smack him soundly on the back, sending a green olive sailing across the table.It narrowly missed Anthony's ear.
— Julia Quinn, The Viscount Who Loved Me
When I was growing up we didn't have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!
— Louis Tomlinson, Dare to Dream: Life as One Direction
St. Clair gets a crush on Anna. He's torn between her and Ellie, and he spends so much time running between them that he hardly has time left for Josh. And the more time that Josh spends alone, the more he realizes how alone he actually is. All of his friends will be gone the next year. Josh grows increasingly antagonistic toward school, which makes Rashmi increasingly antagonistic toward him, which makes him increasingly antagonistic toward her. And she's upset because Elie dropped her as a friend, and Meredith is upset because now St. Clair likes two girls who aren't her, and Anna is upset because St. Clair is leading her on, and then St. Clair's mom gets cancer. It's a freaking soap opera.
— Stephanie Perkins, Isla and the Happily Ever After
Mussolini?” Leo frowned. “Wasn’t he like BFFs with Hitler?
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
The shortest horror story:The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.
— Frederic Brown
Raffin appeared again, a floor above her, on the balconied passageway that ran past his workrooms. He leaned over the railing and called down to her. "Kat!""What is it?""You look lost . Have you forgotten the way to your rooms?""I'm stalling.""How long will you be? I'd like to show you a couple of my new discoveries.""I've been told to make myself pretty for dinner."He grinned. "Well in that case, you'll be ages."His face dissolved into laughter, and she tore a button from one of her bags an hurled it at him. He squealed and dropped to the floor, and the button hit the wall right where he'd been standing. When he peeked back over the railing, she stood in the courtyard with her hands on her hips, grinning. "I missed on purpose," she said."Show off! Come if you have time." He waved, and turned into his rooms.
— Kristin Cashore, Graceling
I love how you still think if you tell me to do something, I'll just check my brain at the door and do it.
— C.J. Redwine, Defiance
What do you think? Does this face make me look fat?
— Kiersten White, Paranormalcy
Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked..."Go ahead," Newt replied.Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful,' he said dryly. 'Don't die.'Thomas would have laughed if he could, but he was too scared for it to come out.'Great. We're all bloody inspired,' Newt answered.
— James Dashner, The Maze Runner
You knocked the door down." Disbelief rang in his matter-of-fact tone. "I know," she answered,unable to say anything else. Unable to look away from his body."But it's solid oak.""I know." She felt the solid oak beneath her and a little shocked that she'd done it, too. If it mattered at all, her shoulder felt a little bruised. And it was the slight pain that brought some reality back into the moment. "You don't have any clothes on." Oh, God, did she really say that?
— C.C. Hunter, Awake at Dawn
That's your truck parked up by the factory isn't it?" Magnus pointed. "It's awfully butch for a bookseller.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
It's funny how different people are. If I'd been this kid and someone was snarling "Ordering a pizza?" at me, without even thinking, I would have snarled back "Yeah. You want pepperoni?"-Maximum Ride
— James Patterson, School's Out—Forever
I know I'm delicious. Nummy.....nummy.-Vlad
— Jeaniene Frost, This Side of the Grave
Yeah, okay. You're right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn't tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend's yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night-dinner buffet, because having organs is SO last year.
— Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland
And while my mind is telling me I'm flirting with her just to prove a point, my body wants to play "you show me your perky privates and I'll show you mine.
— Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction
Are you in a suit?' I managed at last, my voice choking up. 'You didn’t have to dress up for me.''Quiet, Sage,' he said. 'I’ll make the hilarious one-liners during this daring rescue.
— Richelle Mead, Silver Shadows
And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it.
— George Eliot, Middlemarch
Normal? I'm not normal enough for you?" Carlos says. "You want this guy instead? Did you notice his hair doesn't move? That's not normal. You want to date him again, go ahead. Hell, if you want to marry him and be Kiara Barra the rest of your life, be my guest.""That's not want I--""I don't want to hear it. Hasta," Carlos says, ignoring me and walking away.I feel my face heat in embarrassment as I look at Michael. "Sorry. Carlos can he abrasive sometimes.""Don't apologize. The guy obviously has major issues and, for the record, my hair moves... when I want it to.
— Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction
I picked up the nearest weapon I could lay my hands on: a stapler. I lifted it, going for “menacing.” I admit it lacked a certain elegance, but hey. It was worth a shot. David placed his hand on my arm and pushed it back down.“What?”“Just . . . that’s embarrassing for all of us,” he replied.
— Rachel Hawkins, Rebel Belle
I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. "You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love. You know, the sane ones.
— Claudia Gray, Evernight
Mal snickered. "What's so funny?""I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him.
— Leigh Bardugo, Siege and Storm
The Friday before winter break, my mom packed me an overnight bag and a few deadly weapons and took me to a new boarding school.
— Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse
This is America. We’re entitled to our opinions.”“Wrong. This is Texas. And my opinion is the only one that counts.
— Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Call Me Irresistible
Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.
— Stephenie Meyer, Eclipse
Why are you wearing a T-shirt under your other T-shirt?" Livvy asked."In case one of them is stolen," Marked said, as it were entirely normal.
— Cassandra Clare, Lady Midnight
Me neither,” Shane put in. “Homie don’t play that.”“I wonder, sometimes, if your generation speaks English at all,” Amelie said.
— Rachel Caine, Fade Out
This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen.
— Richelle Mead, Frostbite
I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck
— Kiersten White, Paranormalcy
What if I was the sexual equivalent of popcorn? Suitable for light snacking only?
— Rachel Vincent, My Soul to Save
I take a sip of my beer, and it's - I mean, it's just astonishingly disgusting. I don't think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this? I honestly think I'd rather make out with Bieber. The dog. Or Justin.
— Becky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda
...you don't care because you're all that and I'm just an artery in a dress. 
— Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave
I would feel infinitely more comfortable in your presence if you would agree to treat gravity as a law, rather than one of a number of suggested options.
— Neil Gaiman, The Kindly Ones
Thou art a very ragged Wart.
— William Shakespeare, Henry IV, Part 2
It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it.
— Francine Pascal, Fearless
He flipped himself onto his side and kissed me. "You're so hot," I said, my hand still on his leg. "I'm starting to think you have an amputee fetish," he answered, still kissing me. I laughed."I have an Augustus Waters fetish," I explained.
— John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
I rolled my eyes. “I feel like a zoo animal.”Travis watched me for a moment, noted those staring, and then stood up. “I CAN’T!” he yelled. I stared in awe as the entire room jerked their heads in his direction. Travis bobbed his head a couple of times to a beat in his head.Shepley closed his eyes. “Oh, no.”Travis smiled. “get no….sa…tis…faction,” he sang, “I can’t get no….sat-is-fac-tion. ‘Cuz I’ve tried…and I’ve tried…and I’ve tried…and I’ve tried…,” he climbed onto the table as everyone stared, “I CAN’T GET NO!”He pointed to the football players at the end of the table and they smiled, “I CAN’T GET NO!” they yelled in unison. The whole room clapped to the beat, then.Travis’ sang into his fist, “When I’m drivin’ in my car, and a man comes on the…ra-di-o…he’s tellin’ me more and more…about some useless in-for-ma-tion! Supposed to fire my im-agin-a-tion! I CAN’T GET NO!
— Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster
I had an uneventful few days," it told her. "The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next year's exam will arrive sooner than we think.""No, they won't," Valkyrie said, frowning. "They'll arrive next year, exactly when we expect them.""That's what I told him," the reflection nodded. "I don't think he's comfortable with logic, because he didn't look happy. He sent me to the Career Guidance counsellor, who asked me what I wanted to do after college."Valkyrie stowed her black clothes. "What did you say?""I told her I wanted to be a Career Guidance counsellor. She started crying, then accused me of mocking her. I told her if she wasn't happy in her job then she should look at other options, then pointed out that I was already doing her job better than she was. She gave me detention.
— Derek Landy, Kingdom of the Wicked
My brother spent a large portion of the agonizingly slow drive to school banging his forehead on the stearing wheel.
— Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
Isn’t it so weird how the number of dead people is increasing even though the earth stays the same size, so that one day there isn’t going to be room to bury anyone anymore? For my ninth birthday last year, Grandma gave me a subscription to National Geographic, which she calls “the National Geographic.” She also gave me a white blazer, because I only wear white clothes, and it’s too big to wear so it will last me a long time. She also gave me Grandpa’s camera, which I loved for two reasons. I asked why he didn’t take it with him when he left her. She said, “Maybe he wanted you to have it.” I said, “But I was negative-thirty years old.” She said, “Still.” Anyway, the fascinating thing was that I read in National Geographic that there are more people alive now than have died in all of human history. In other words, if everyone wanted to play Hamlet at once, they couldn’t, because there aren’t enough skulls!
— Jonathan Safran Foer
The uniform enhanced his athletic body, and my thoughts drifted to how magnificent he would look with his uniform puddled around his feet.
— Maria V. Snyder, Poison Study
I wish I knew how to quit you, Tumblr.
— John Green
Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am-Luna Lovegood
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Be careful you don't cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with.''Girls don't shave', Arya said.'Maybe they should. Have you ever seen the septa's legs?
— George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
Emergency Valve Regulators," she repeated. "So you do know what your doing?"Not really," he said yanking another wire. 'I made up that term to keep you happy. I'm just pulling all the red wires because they're the pretty ones.
— Derek Landy, Kingdom of the Wicked
I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally.
— David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day
June laughs. "I have to say, you look better than most people I see. I've heard a lot about you.""I hear about you a lot too," Eden replies in a rush, "mostly from Daniel. He thinks you're really hot.
— Marie Lu, Champion
I passed out from stress? That’s it?”“I believe the princess term is fainted,” said Thorne.
— Marissa Meyer, Winter
Well,” said the frog, “what are you going to do about it?”“Marrying Therandil? I don’t know. I’ve tried talking to my parents, but they won’t listen, and neither will Therandil.”“I didn’t ask what you’d said about it,” the frog snapped. “I asked what you’re going to do. Nine times out of ten, talking is a way of avoiding doing things.
— Patricia C. Wrede, Dealing with Dragons
It was an emergency!" Seth blurted. "Read my lips - emergency reading - not some demented idea of fun. If I was starving, I would eat asparagus. If somebody held a gun to my head, I would watch a soap opera. And to save Fablehaven, I would read a book, okay, are you happy?"You had best be careful, Seth," Grandma warned. "The love of reading can be contagious."I just lost my appetite," he declared...
— Brandon Mull
His eyebrows pulled in. “You won’t leave me, right? Even when I’m a pain in the ass?”“I vowed in front of God – and Elvis – that I wouldn’t, didn’t I?
— Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
— Groucho Marx
He was gorgeous, and I absolutely, no question, had to be drooling. After a quick and hopefully stealthy check – big show, I wasn’t!- I found myself wonder what color his eyes were. Brown maybe. Or even hazel. Either way…wow, just wow. Deer? Headlights? Hi, I’m Ali.
— Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland
Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.
— Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!
His fingers lightly grazed my cheek. "I didn't know you before. When you're not there, I can't concentrate. I'm wondering where you are, what you're doing...if you're there and I can see you, I can see you, I can focus. I know it's crazy, but that's how it is." "And crazy is exactly the way I like it," I said, leaning up to kiss his lips."Obviously," America muttered under breath.
— Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster
I certainly hadn't expected to walk away from today's trip with joint custody of a miniature dragon.
— Richelle Mead, The Indigo Spell
The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies.
— Robert Conquest
I'm tired, I'm hungry and I have a head in a bag," I warned him. "Do not fuck with me.
— Karen Chance, Death's Mistress
Are you okay?" I (Cassie) call up to him."Um. Define okay." (Ben)"Okay means you're not bleeding to death.""I'm okay.
— Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave
But there's a juicy artery in your groin," he said after a pause to regroup, his voice as slithery as a snake on a slide."Don't you talk dirty," I told him. "I won't listen to that.
— Charlaine Harris, Dead Until Dark
How art thou out of breath when thou hast breathTo say to me that thou art out of breath?
— William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.''What you got on it?' the girl said.'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.''Haw, haw,' the girl said politely.
— Flannery O'Connor, The Complete Stories
Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.
— Mark Twain
Ren took off his jacket, which slicited a squeak from Jennifer who was now totally focused on Ren's golden-bronze biceps. His perfectly fitted muscle shirt showed off his extremely well-developed arms and chest. I hissed at him quietly, "For heaven's sake, Ren! You're going to give the women heart palpitations!
— Colleen Houck
I tell you, I'm half tempted to break into CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon out of CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon.
— Ally Carter, Only the Good Spy Young
That’s us,” he said. “Those five nuts right there.”Which one is me?” I asked.The little deformed one,” Zoe suggested.Oh, shut up.
— Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse
I have no doubt that you are more than capable of bringing the Monsean queen and my son and the rest of my sons and a hundred Nanderan kittens through an onslaught of howling raiders if you chose to.
— Kristin Cashore, Graceling
Zoey~ 'Listen to me, whinning about money and a scarf. Ah, hell! I'm starting to sound like Aphrodite.'Stark~ 'If you turn into Aprodite I'm going to stab myself.'Zoey~ 'If I turn into Aprodite, stab me first.'Stark~ 'Deal.'Zoey~ 'Deal.
— P.C. Cast, Awakened
She should have remembered her past experiences in the relationship wars and not let herself get so excited. Evidently her hormones had overruled her common sense and she had become drunk on ovarian wine, the most potent, sanity- destroying substance in the universe.
— Linda Howard, Mr. Perfect
She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her, just to see her stumble.
— Cassandra Rose Clarke, The Assassin's Curse
If you're ever feeling a lack of middle-aged white men, just pop into the Capitol. Not so much the House of Representatives, which has a bit more color and texture, but the Senate -- jeez. Yes, let's have more testosterone running the country.Maximum Ride, School's Out--Forever
— James Patterson
Huh, another queen,” Puck mused, an evil grin crossing his face. “Maybe we should drop in and introduce ourselves, ice-boy. Do the whole, hey, we were just in the neighborhood, and we were just wondering if you had any plans to take over the Nevernever. Have a fruit basket.
— Julie Kagawa, The Lost Prince
Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless
— Kiersten White, Paranormalcy
I hate witches. Humans had the right idea, burning them at the stake.
— Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time.
— Richelle Mead, Spirit Bound
It really seems to me that in the midst of great tragedy, there is always the horrible possibility that something terribly funny will happen.
— Philip K. Dick
As I climbed up into the high old bed, the large fly in my personal ointment did the same. Had I actually told him he could get in bed with me? Well, I decided, as I wriggled down under the soft old sheets and the blanket and the comforter, if Eric had designs on me, I was just too tired to care."Woman?""Hmmm?""What's your name?""Sookie. Sookie Stackhouse.""Thank you, Sookie.""Welcome, Eric.
— Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
You just punched a prince, Alina. I guess we can add one more act of treason to our list.”I shook out my sore hand. My knuckles smarted. “First of all, are we so sure he really is a prince? And second, you’re just jealo
— Leigh Bardugo, Siege and Storm
Hey, princess of Popsicles! Queen of curlicue cones.
— Wendy Higgins, Sweet Evil
Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding." Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding.
— Tamora Pierce
It's sometimes funny to watch some people doing something the wrong way but doing it confidently. Even more funny, they succeeded.
— Toba Beta, Betelgeuse Incident: Insiden Bait Al-Jauza
Vic knelt by Lucas's side. 'You look like crap, by the way.''Thanks for breaking it to me gently.' Lucas took a deep breath, then groaned.
— Claudia Gray, Evernight
I lost a horse today.''That sounds careless. What happened?''She jumped off a cliff.''A cliff! Is that normal?
— Maggie Stiefvater, The Scorpio Races
Are you suggesting I’m working with thezombies? That I paid them to pretend toattack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather hisbest undead buddies and stalk me throughmy friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it wastotally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season.
— Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland
Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?”His eyes flashed. “Got any to spare?” I could’ve picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right.
— Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds
Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me.
— Kresley Cole, Dark Desires After Dusk
Be a Samurai.Because you just never know what's behind the freaking sky.
— Laini Taylor, Dreams of Gods & Monsters
There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality.
— Anton Chekhov
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.
— Gena Showalter, The Queen of Zombie Hearts
Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman?" he smirked. "Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks?
— Julie Kagawa, The Iron Knight
I may not have been completely honest about that.""You? Less than truthful? I'm shocked, Nikolai. Shocked and horrified.
— Leigh Bardugo, Siege and Storm
Come on," I said, taking his hand. Clutching the afghan with the other hand, he trailed down the hall after me, a snow white giant in tiny red underwear.
— Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
Her voice was now so shrill only bats would be able to hear it soon, but she had reached a level of indignation that rendered her temporarily speechless..
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
In the war room, love? What if someone comes in?”I stood and removed his shirt. “Then they’ll have a good story to tell.”“Good?” He adopted the pretense of being offended.“Prove me wrong.
— Maria V. Snyder, Fire Study
I can't go to Amsterdam. One of my doctors thinks it's a bad idea."He was quiet for a second. "God," he said. "I should've just paid for it myself. Should've just taken you straight from the Funky Bones to Amsterdam.""But then I would've had a probably fatal episode of deoxygenation in Amsterdam, and my body would have been shipped home in the cargo hold of an airplane," I said. "Well, yeah," he said. "But before that, my grand romantic gesture would have totally gotten me laid."I laughed pretty hard, hard enought that I felt where the chest tube had been. "You laugh because it's true," he said.I laughed again."It's true, isn't it!" "Probably not," I said, and then after a moment added, "although you never know.
— John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
I've never felt so bereft and panicky. What do I do without my phone? How do I function? My hand keeps automatically reaching for my phone in its usual place in my pocket. Every instinct in me wants to text someone, 'OMG, I've lost my phone! ' but how can do that without a bloody phone?
— Sophie Kinsella, I've Got Your Number
Does it hurt?”He bent his head and lightly kissed her forehead. “Only when I laugh.”“I’ll try not to be funny.”“Epic fail, beautiful.
— Rachel Caine, Last Breath
Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.
— Louis C.K., Untitled 1
If god meant for people to talk into cellphones, he would've put our mouths on the side of our heads.
— Devon Sampson
Leap out the window, my inner Tigress cried. You aren't ready to face such a powerful Tiger. I frowned. I thought a true Tigress never backed down from a fight. Don't you know anything? When she's in heat, she avoids everything male. Now run!
— Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts
Dearest Annie, Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m using my hand But I’m thinking of you. - Ronan P.S. Just to clarify, I’m using my hand to write this note…get your mind out of the gutter.
— L.H. Cosway, The Hooker and the Hermit
A man touched me: his hand... my thigh.I touched him too: my fist... his jaw.
— Joseph Gordon-Levitt, The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories, Vol. 1
So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?""That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney.""Oh, really?""O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?""Very good. You should be on the stage.""It's funny you should mention that."The passport officer groaned. Ten more minutes and his shift would have been over. "I was being sarcastic, actually
— Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code
You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed.
— Trenton Lee Stewart, The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner's Dilemma
Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.
— Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl
Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.
— Ilona Andrews
A snap of Rhys’s fingers, and my nightclothes—and some flimsy underthings—appeared on the bed. “I couldn’t decide which scrap of lace I wanted you to wear, so I brought you a few to choose from.” “Pig,” I barked
— Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury
Legion hissed like a startled cat, the noise scraping at Reyes’s skin. “Me no boy. You think me a boy?”Everyone stopped, stared. Even Aeron.Reyes was the first to find his voice. “You’re a…girl?”A nod. “Me pretty.”“Yes, you are.” Reyes exchanged a glance with Lucien. “Beautiful.
— Gena Showalter, The Darkest Pleasure
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
— Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light
If anything attacked us, we could just panic at it until it went away.
— Seanan McGuire, Rosemary and Rue
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
— Hedy Lamarr
Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means...Justin, looking desperately at me: No?Nana: Are you sure?Justin, shifting uncomfortably: I'm sure. No means no.Nana: Well look at you. You got one right. Now here's another, even tougher sentence for you to finish. Premarital sex is...Me: Nana! I'm so sorry Justin.Nana: Unlike Pops, I'm not moving on. Justin?Pops: His name is Jason.Justin:Uh....uh....Pops: While you think about that, why don't you tell me how you feel about drinking and driving?Justin: I'm totally against it, I swear!Nana: Methinks he protests too much.
— Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland
Maybe a friend is someone who wants your updates. Even if they're boring. Or sad. Or annoyingly cutesy. A friend says "Sign me up for your boring crap, yes indeed"--because he likes you anyways. He'll tolerate your junk
— E. Lockhart, Real Live Boyfriends: Yes. Boyfriends, Plural. If My Life Weren't Complicated, I Wouldn't Be Ruby Oliver
Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I slid my own over it. His palm was turned up to meet my palm, and his fingers clasped mine. And though I would not have thought it possible to go to sleep holding hands with a vampire, that's exactly what I did.
— Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
Shh." I squeeze his hand. His palm feels clammy. "We have to keep it down, okay? We don't want my dad coming in."He grits his teeth against more shivers. "Always knew I'd end up in your bed . . . and hear you say those words one day." He manages a smirk.Jeb snarls. "Unbelievable. Even when he's at death's door he's a tool." He arranges a pillow beneath Morpheus's neck. "Why don't you keep your mouth shut while we help you."Morpheus laughs weakly, his skin flashing with blue light. "What say Alyssa"--his breath rattles--"give my mouth something else to do?
— A.G. Howard, Unhinged
My parents didn't raise me to be religious. The closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, Mastercard, and American Express. I think the Merryweather cheerleaders confuse me because I missed out on Sunday School. It has to be a miracle. There is no other explanation. How else could they sleep with the football team on Saturday night and be reincarnated as virginal goddesses on Monday?
— Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
What are you?” he demanded. “A slayer?" I rolled my eyes. “The name's Val, not Buffy. Do I look like a blond cheerleader with questionable taste in men?
— Parker Blue, Bite Me
I shouldn't have lost my temper that way. It just pricks his pride, makes him dig in his heels.""So why did you?" I asked, genuinely curious. It was rare for Nikolai's emotions to get the best of him. "I don't know," he said, shredding the leaf. "You got angry. I got angry. The room was too damn hot.""I don't think that's it.""Indigestion?" he offered."It's because you actually care about what happens to this country," I said. "The throne is just a prize to Vasily, something he wants to squabble over like a favorite toy, You're not like that. You'll make a good king."Nikolai froze. "I…" For once, words seemed to have deserted him. Then a crooked, embarrassed smile crept across his face. It was a far cry from his usual self-assured grin. "Thank you," he said.I sighed as we resumed our pace. "You're going to be insufferable now, aren't you?"Nikolai laughed. "I'm already insufferable.
— Leigh Bardugo, Siege and Storm
He slowed down a bit more. "Gaia, how do you know these things?" She shrugged. "I'm smart." "And modest, too." "Modesty is a waste of time," she pronounced. "I'll keep that in mind.
— Francine Pascal, Fearless
In the office, Michael sat behind our father’s desk, clicking away at the computer with his right hand, and making notes with his left. Ambidextrous freak.
— Rachel Vincent, Rogue
Hayden?""Yes,Gia?""Nothing I just wanted to say your name
— Kasie West, The Fill-In Boyfriend
He laughs. "Put some clothes on so you don't scare poor Kiara with your morning hard-on."I look down at my shorts. Sure enough, I've got la tengo dura in front of Kiara and Tuck. Shit. I reach out for the first thing I can grab and put it in front of me to shield myself from view. It happens to be one of Kiara's stuffed animals, but I don't have much choice right now."That's Kiara's Mojo," Tuck says, laughing. "Get it? Mojo?
— Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction
Lief. That's not nice, considering all your sister has done for you," admonished Perl."Oh right. How could I forget that she made me bait for a snake, left me on house arrest in Ixia, and smuggled me into the Keep in a coffin.
— Maria V. Snyder, Fire Study
I'm sure I look like a drowned cat.""You look fine. The wet look works for you."I scowled. "Now I know you're lying.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.
— Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl
He stood and looked at me for a moment, taking in my outfit. "You look hot.""What? Me?" I stammered, completely flummoxed."Yeah," he said, still looking at me."Oh. Um, thank you. I mean, not that you don’t, but I’m not sure that you should—I mean …""Oh, no," Roger said quickly, and I could see that he was blushing again. "No. I mean—I meant what you’re wearing. Are you going to be too warm?
— Morgan Matson, Amy & Roger's Epic Detour
hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home," I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you," he says.
— Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire
You don’t have any friends, your sister dumped you, you’re a freak eater..and you’ve got some weird thing about Simon Snow.""I object to every single thing you just said."Reagan chewed. And frowned. She was wearing dark red lipstick."I have lots of friends," Cath said."I never see them.""I just got here. Most of my friends went to other schools. Or they’re online.""Internet friends don’t count.""Why not?"Reagan shrugged disdainfully."And I don’t have a weird thing with Simon Snow," Cath said. "I’m just really active in the fandom.""What the fuck is ‘the fandom’?
— Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl
He said "cool" like I say a Spanish word when I'm not sure of the pronunciation.
— Kelley Armstrong, The Summoning
Honestly, Clary, if you don't start utilizing a bit of your natural feminine superiority I just don't know what I'll do with you.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!
— Robert Louis Stevenson, Treasure Island
I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.
— George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very happy.
— Dave Eggers, You Shall Know Our Velocity!
Why is it beautiful that humanity keeps coming back? So does herpes.
— Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies
Suspicion," he said. "Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. He's a genius." "Starring Cary Grant." When Lucas gave me a look, I added, "You have your priorities, I have mine.
— Claudia Gray, Evernight
Please tell me this is easier to take off than it was to put on.”Calla raised a brow. “You do not think Master Kell knows how?
— V.E. Schwab, A Gathering of Shadows
Nothing like having a warrant for your execution to get a girl motivated.
— Maria V. Snyder, Fire Study
Skulduggery.""Fletcher."Fletcher stuck out his hand. Skulduggery observed it for a moment."I'm sorry, what are we doing now?""Shaking hands," Fletcher said. "Like adults. I just want you to know that this past year has changed me. I've grown, as a person. I'm not the same Fletcher you used to know."You look a lot like him.""Well, yeah, but-""And you have the same ridiculous hair.""Can we just shake hands?""Of course we can," Skulduggery said, and they shook. "Now what?""I, uh...I don't really know. What do adults usually do after they shake hands?""Generally, the first thing they do is let go.""Oh, right," Fletcher said, and Skulduggery took his hand back. "So, Skulduggery, how have you been? You're looking well. That's a really nice tie."It's blue.""And such a nice shade."Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "You promised me he wouldn't be annoying.
— Derek Landy, Kingdom of the Wicked
He'd barely seen me coming, and despite the horribleness of what I'd just done, I kind of wished one of my instructors had been there to grade me on such an awesome performance.
— Richelle Mead, Frostbite
I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs.
— Mark Rosen
CONFESSION NO. 18 Girls just want to have fun…and live to tell about it the next day.
— Ronda Thompson, Confessions of a Werewolf Supermodel
Halt regarded him. He loved Horace like a younger brother. Even like a second son, after Will. He admired his skill with a sword and his courage in battle. But sometimes, just sometimes, he felt an overwhelming desire to ram the young warrior's head against a convenient tree."You have no sense of drama or symbolism, do you?" he asked."Huh?" replied Horace, not quite understanding. Halt looked around for a convenient tree. Luckily for Horace, there were none in sight.
— John Flanagan, Halt's Peril
Yeah, I was thinking about taking one of those showers where you huddle in the corner fully clothed and cry," Archer offered.
— Rachel Hawkins, Spell Bound
I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma.""You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma.
— Kami Garcia, Beautiful Creatures
He stared at her neck. Realization pulsed. He was looking at the bite he had given her. A hard length was growing against her hip. “So, is that your long, scaly, reptilian tail, or are you just happy to see me?” No, she did not just say that. Did she?
— Thea Harrison, Dragon Bound
America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.
— Stephen Colbert, I Am America
Marry me. Nay, marriage will cost us precious moments together. Let us make sweet, passionate love right here. Let me bear your children.”A primal growl signaled Miss Lynn getting over her shock at being thus addressed. She lunged forward; Jack deftly rolled off the bench, jumping up out of her reach.“Goodness, I didn’t expect you to be quite this enthusiastic about my advances. If I don’t play hard to get, how will I ever know whether or not you respect me?
— Kiersten White, Supernaturally
Her lips full and inviting, she has an infectious laugh and glassy cackle in her eyes, and a 2000 volt sexual charisma that beckons me like a fluff girl on scuffed knees.
— Brett Tate
I walked to the door where Clovis waited. When I looked up, he was staring at Adam. A quick glance backward confirmed Adam was returning his stare. Freaking males, I thought, they couldn’t be more obvious about their territorial dispute if they’d both peed on me.
— Jaye Wells, Red-Headed Stepchild
You bitch!"Why is it that whenever I draw blood, I'm a bitch?
— Rachel Vincent, Stray
He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked."That's it?"He looked up. "Sorry?""Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town.""It's got a car alarm.""Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?""No. It's a pretty good car alarm.
— Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant
And so that means...""We have to rob the Henley," Simon said.Kat sank onto a truly uncomfortable sofa. "Again.
— Ally Carter, Perfect Scoundrels
If it works, it will be plenty dramatic. And I suppose that if it doesn't work, it will be even more dramatic, what with the blast.""David, I think you just made a joke."He frowned, utterly perplexed. "Did I?
— Leigh Bardugo, Siege and Storm
WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW!
— Al Franken
No,” he muttered, running a hand through his copper hair. “No. No. There are dozens.”“Kell?” she asked, moving to touch his arm.He shook her off. “Dozens of ships, Lila! And you had to climb aboard his.”“I’m sorry,” she shot back, bristling, “I was under the impression that I was free to do as I pleased.”“To be fair,” added Alucard, “I think she was planning to steal it and slit my throat.”“Then why didn’t you?” snarled Kell, spinning on her. “You’re always so eager to slash and stab, why couldn’t you have stabbed him?
— V.E. Schwab, A Gathering of Shadows
Just relax and breathe through your ass.
— Lewis Black, Me of Little Faith
Careful with the accusations of insanity, oh my lady whose home is a tower with windows of brick, all for the sake of some skinny-ankled, laugh-prone boy of a khan.
— Shannon Hale, Book of a Thousand Days
When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine. "Put your clothes in for a wash," he said. "They were disgusting."Ginny always thought that the only way of getting clothes clean was by drowning them in scalding water and then whipping them around in a violent centrifugal motion that caused the entire washing machine to vibrate and the floor to shake. You beat them clean. You made them suffer. This machine used about half a cup of water and was about as violent as a toaster, plus it stopped every few minutes, as if it were exhausted from the effort of turning itself.Sluff, sluff, sluff sluff. Rest. Rest. Rest.Click.Sluff, sluff, sluff, sluff. Rest. Rest. Rest."Who thought to put a window on a washing machine?" Keith asked. "Does anyone just sit and watch their wash?"You mean, besides us?""Well," he said, "yeah. Is there any coffee?
— Maureen Johnson, 13 Little Blue Envelopes
I should go in alone," Valkyrie said, speaking loudly to be heard. "If we both go in, it'll look to official.""So I'll just stay out here?" Skulduggery asked. "But what'll I do? There's no one to talk to. It's boring.""You're standing on the roof of a train," Valkyrie pointed out. "If you find this boring, you really need your head examined. Just wait here. I'll do what has to be done and I'll be find out."Fine," he said, sounding grumpy. "Don't be long.
— Derek Landy, Kingdom of the Wicked
I laughed. It was just like Owen to make excuses for someone else’s shortcomings. Even fictional characters. Owen found my tendency to speak my mind “refreshingly honest,” and hailed Marc’s temper as “a deep protective instinct.” He said Ethan “thoroughly enjoyed life,” and that Parker “really knew how to have a good time.” According to Owen, we were all doing just fine, and all was right with the world.
— Rachel Vincent, Rogue
When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.
— Jennifer Crusie, Faking It
I think so,” she [Claire] said. “Just watch your back, okay?” “Nah, Michael’s got mine.” He [Shane] looked straight into her eyes.“I’ve got yours.
— Rachel Caine, Ghost Town
I pointed to a low bowl filled with what purported to be stew, but then Noah said, “Are you goingto point, or are you going to eat?”“I just like to know what I’m putting in my mouth before I swallow.”Noah arched an eyebrow, and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
— Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A Genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
— Joe Theismann
What kind of person doesn't let you have gummi bears?
— Libba Bray, Beauty Queens
He shrugged. “I have a stomach thing. Don’t get close.”“Well, now you’ve spoiled everything,” I said casually, working hard to fake it. “I was planning to seduce you in the broom closet.” I pointed. “Right there.”A joyless smile appeared on Jamie’s lips. “We are far too screwed-up for a goddamned lovetriangle.”That’s my Jamie.
— Michelle Hodkin
Be careful, though.""Aren't I always?""No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless.
— Veronica Roth, Insurgent