c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
A job shouldn’t be a mean of existence but rather, a means of sustenance
— Sunday Adelaja
Channel your energy into your God-given purpose. Being out of a job gives you all the time you need to grow
— Sunday Adelaja
If you are working with no vision to be own your own boss, you are no different from people who are unemployed
— Sunday Adelaja
A job should only be a stepping stone to being your own boss
— Sunday Adelaja
You must develop your skills around your calling
— Sunday Adelaja
Time must be converted into product
— Sunday Adelaja
To know what to do with time is to convert a day
— Sunday Adelaja
To convert a day is to produce a product
— Sunday Adelaja
Time wasted can never be compensated
— Sunday Adelaja
Time spent effectively can be compensated
— Sunday Adelaja
When you invest in life, you are being fruitful and productive
— Sunday Adelaja
Always invest your life in your calling and purpose
— Sunday Adelaja
Life is in time; seconds, minutes and hours
— Sunday Adelaja
To waste time is to lose life
— Sunday Adelaja
What you do with your time daily is essential for spiritual and physical growth
— Sunday Adelaja
Time should be assessed as seconds, minutes and hours so as to be maximized effectively
— Sunday Adelaja
To maximize time is to make sure that every second, minute and hour counts
— Sunday Adelaja
Every minute, hour and hour that passes daily should be converted into product
— Sunday Adelaja
Every unit of time that passes daily should be accounted for
— Sunday Adelaja
Never let a day be your control factor
— Sunday Adelaja
Losing your job releases you to think effectively and make rational decisions
— Sunday Adelaja
You can multiply your life through work, not jobs
— Sunday Adelaja
Losing your job is an awesome opportunity to look inside yourself and make new discoveries
— Sunday Adelaja
Getting fired from work gives you the zeal to make your own inventions
— Sunday Adelaja
Human existence is as a result of the product of time
— Sunday Adelaja
Time given out through jobs can be channeled into something productive
— Sunday Adelaja
Work is created to be an instrument through which you release your potential
— Sunday Adelaja
Work is an instrument through which you carry out your life mandate
— Sunday Adelaja
There is a huge difference between work and a job
— Sunday Adelaja
Work is an instrument through which you bring yourself to fulfillment
— Sunday Adelaja
Employment deprives you of innovations
— Sunday Adelaja
Being an entrepreneur is the greatest investment
— Sunday Adelaja
Getting employment is equivalent to cutting your life into pieces bit by bit
— Sunday Adelaja
The desire to get money through jobs enslaves us
— Sunday Adelaja
When life goes, the body becomes weaker
— Sunday Adelaja
Losing your job gives you the opportunity to make your life count
— Sunday Adelaja
You need to discover how to invest your life
— Sunday Adelaja
You need to discover the form in which God wants your life to be
— Sunday Adelaja
Losing your job releases you from the control of the world system
— Sunday Adelaja
You have to discover the essence of your creation
— Sunday Adelaja
Getting fired from work paves way for a new beginning
— Sunday Adelaja
Time lost can never be regained
— Sunday Adelaja
Make each day count
— Sunday Adelaja
Never see yourself as a disappointment or failure just because you were fired
— Sunday Adelaja
Always explore new opportunities and ideas, you never know which will work for you
— Sunday Adelaja
We were built differently, locate you own calling and explore it
— Sunday Adelaja
Never give up. It might not seem easy at first but in the end, it will all be worth it
— Sunday Adelaja
You can never know who you really are or what you can do until you discover yourself
— Sunday Adelaja
If you do not work for your dream or purpose, someone else will hire you to fulfill his/hers
— Sunday Adelaja
Joblessness is an opportunity to fulfill purpose
— Sunday Adelaja
Life is made up of time
— Sunday Adelaja
The only way to make life fruitful is by being productive
— Sunday Adelaja
You have to discover the essence of your life
— Sunday Adelaja
After losing you job, you have to sit, relax and discover yourself
— Sunday Adelaja
Discover your calling and add value to it
— Sunday Adelaja
Your job cannot sustain you, only your calling can
— Sunday Adelaja
Your calling multiplies you
— Sunday Adelaja
Joblessness gives you time to grow
— Sunday Adelaja
To work (at a job) is to sacrifice the life you have at the moment
— Sunday Adelaja
Want to keep your life? Look for work, not a job
— Sunday Adelaja
Losing your job gives you access to time
— Sunday Adelaja
Joblessness sets you free
— Sunday Adelaja
Time is the greatest wealth
— Sunday Adelaja
Don’t make your job your assignment. Rather, make your life assignment your career and job
— Sunday Adelaja
Employment deprives you of the purpose of existence
— Sunday Adelaja
Employment is the greatest dream killer
— Sunday Adelaja
If you don’t leave your job, your job will leave you someday
— Sunday Adelaja
Joblessness opens the door for greater opportunities
— Sunday Adelaja
A job is a temporary need
— Sunday Adelaja
Don’t make your job your permanent assignment. Rather, make your work your permanent assignment
— Sunday Adelaja
You need to invest your time on earth
— Sunday Adelaja
Joblessness does not necessarily mean idleness
— Sunday Adelaja
Poverty is the mother of invention
— Sunday Adelaja
Losing your job is a great blessing in disguise
— Sunday Adelaja
You can become great through the power of time
— Sunday Adelaja
You can achieve great things by utilizing your God-given talent
— Sunday Adelaja
Do not get a job for a living. Rather, get work
— Sunday Adelaja
To be a good professional engineer,always start to study late for exams.Because it teaches you how tomanage time and tackle emergencies.
— Aamir Sarfraz (aamir rajput khan)
All time is mean young man. It takes and does not give, it rushes when you wish it would linger and drags when you wish is would fly. It flows sullenly, only in one direction, when it might take a thousand turns. You cannot get anything back once time has taken it. Time cheats and steals and lies and kills. If anyone could arrest it, they would have time behind bars faster than you can check your watch.
— Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Raced Fairyland All the Way Home
What's the best time, someone asked me.., I simply replied "Spent with the loved ones".
— Zain Baloch
Time sure kicks the shit out of people...
— Dan Simmons, Flashback
Although I understand that all days are equal with 24 hours each, most of us agree that Friday is the longest day of the week and Sunday the shortest!
— D.S. Mixell
We have become a shroud of delusion over reality. It is 'time' to accept that time is a created thing, it is not ticking... It is just a legal and economic system under which we are treated as property. Stop the glorification of busy...Stop feeding yourself with your own ashes.
— Efrat Cybulkiewicz
You're not just getting old, you're getting closer to your death; and you don't want to miss anything.
— J. Limbu
Truth in the heart of heresy
— The Doctor
But life. It rushes by and then you think you'll see people... You think you'll do things and have time for this and time for that... And there is never time. This is what I have learned, Anna, I have learned that there is never as much time as you think there is. -(Ottmar)
— Miranda Emmerson, Miss Treadway and the Field of Stars
Time takes it all in the end...
— Stephen King, A Good Marriage
But, over time, grief fades. And so did my lust for vengeance.
— Catherine Jones Payne, Breakwater
Time passed: the mind rebuilds it's defenses.
— Stephen King, Christine
Great news is that time is constant and anyone can catch it anytime, but the worst news is that time is transient, and it will not be available to you the next time.
— Sandeep Sahajpal
Look yourself... staring into the monitor... and your time is going to be lost like that...First secondsSecond minutesThird hours
— Deyth Banger
The good old days needed a lot of improvement. People aren't the only things that get better with age.
— David Levithan, Wide Awake
In the depths of hell roasting on a spit if it meant getting to be close to you.
— Nicole  Williams, Mister Wrong
Back there in the beginning, as I see now, my life was all time and almost no memory. Though I knew early of death, it still seemed to be something that happened only to other people, and I stood in an unending river of time that would go on making the same changes and the same returns forever.And now, nearing the end, I see that my life is almost entirely memory and very little time.
— Wendell Berry, Jayber Crow
One thing you cannot avoid ever in life, and that is time.
— Sandeep Sahajpal
Those who waste time eventually become wasted
— Sunday Adelaja
Time management is the major difference between the rich and poor
— Sunday Adelaja
Time is like a raging bull … if you dare to hold it from the horns, you can ride it forever, but if in case you do not dare, you will be trailing behind holding from its tail.
— Sandeep Sahajpal
Losing your job shows you the worth of your time rather the worth of money
— Sunday Adelaja
All money comes from the worth of time
— Sunday Adelaja
Time is the essence of life
— Sunday Adelaja
Losing your job gives you the material from which life is made
— Sunday Adelaja
You had me believing that I was crazy. Every time I broke down over what seemed like nothing, it was you.’ Bade ran an anxious hand through his hair.‘Well, that’s love isn’t it?’ Davina took his restless hand. ‘Love is crazy and irrational, and anything less would be boring.
— Moryah DeMott, Timeless
Music is another language, one so close to actual thought, strung together, sometimes staccato, flowing, and sometimes even nonsensical or harsh to the ears. It’s truth in an otherwise dishonest world.
— Moryah DeMott, Timeless
A newly formed planet appeared on the large screen. its surface was till red-hot, like a piece of charcoal fresh out of the furnace. Time passed at the rate of geological eras, and the planet gradually cooled. The color and patterns on the surface slowly shifted in a hypnotic manner. A few minutes later, an orange planet appeared on the screen, indicating the end of the simulation run."The computations were done at the coarsest level; to do it with more precision would require over a month." Green Glasses moved the mouse and zoomed in on the surface of the planet. The view swept over a broad desert, over a cluster of strangely shaped, towering mountain peaks, over a circular depression like an impact crater."What are we looking at?" Yang Dong asked."Earth. Without life, this is what the surface of the planet would look like now.""But . . . where are the oceans?""There are no oceans. No rivers either. The entire surface is dry.""Your'e saying that without life, liquid water would not exist on Earth?""The reality would probably be even more shocking. Remember, this is only a coarse simulation, but at least you can see how much of an impact life had in the present state of the Earth.""But--""Do you think life is nothing but a fragile, thin, soft shell clinging to the surface of this planet?""Isn't it?""Only if you neglect the power of time. If a colony of ants continue to move clods the size of grains of rice, they could remove all of Mount Tai in a billion years. As long as you give it enough time, life is stronger than metal and stone, more powerful than typhoons and volcanoes.
— Liu Cixin, Death's End
Time passes…..and a billion lives are affected in ways we’ll never know.
— Richelle E. Goodrich, Dandelions: The Disappearance of Annabelle Fancher
You can't turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again.
— Anthony Lo
Tell me that you don’t love me, and I’ll leave you alone. In this time or the next. Tell me that you don’t feel free. Tell me you can’t stand the way I look at you. But don’t tell me that I’m not allowed to love you. I will love you through every minute, every day, and every year for the rest of my life. My love for you is timeless.
— Moryah DeMott, Timeless
My heart is torn in tiny pieces scattered throughout the years. I exist in several places because you carry those pieces with you, wherever you go, whoever you choose to be, I’ll be beside you in one form or another.
— Moryah DeMott, Timeless
I’m in love with fiction. A fantasy that slips between my fingers when reality sets in.
— Moryah DeMott, Timeless
Time is a funny thing. You can go through it and meddle with it, but nothing can stay permanent. So even if everything so far had not happened, time would still have managed to find a way to make all this happen.
— Erica Sehyun Song, Thorns in the Shadow
I felt so much older now, so much more responsible. I guess that there were some positive outcomes: I knew more things than usual, and I knew that I really could accomplish anything and everything. But sometimes, all a fifteen-year-old girl wants is to stop growing. She wants time to slow down and eventually stand still where she can be young and inexperienced forever. Sometimes, she simply wants to remain a child.
— Erica Sehyun Song, Thorns in the Shadow
And then I knew that despite all the pain and hard work all of us had gone through, despite the sadness and anger we felt, in the end, everything was going to be fine.	But I did not know when the end was, or if it was even near.	But that did not matter.	I preferred to look towards it in anticipation rather than worry about it. One new day equalled to one new adventure. And right now, I still had plenty of days left in my life. So I did not decide to sit down and plan out my life.	Instead, I decided to sit back, relax, and see where life would take me.
— Erica Sehyun Song, Thorns in the Shadow
In a Sense, we all are Time Travelers! We are Surviving each and every Active Time-Point in this Timeline.......
— Aldrin Mathew, TIME TRAVEL EXPERIENCES: In a Sense, we all are Time Travelers! We are surviving each and every Active Time-Point in this Timeline.......
Oh Time, you arise with parting! [О Время, ты от разлуки!]- Vladislav Khalyavkin, The Operator
— Vladislav Khalyavkin
Sometimes I sit and stare out at the people walking by, wondering if they’ve felt as I’ve felt, trapped, alone, but guiltily content in the knowledge that I will never know another’s thoughts, and therefore can feel special due to my unique loneliness.
— Moryah DeMott, Timeless
Such a funny thing, time. You spend your whole life wishing there was more or less of it, never realizing that the time already given could be worth more than that which you wished for.” -Davina
— Moryah DeMott, Timeless
He was discovering that even hatred died a little at the end. But it still lasted longer than desire, longer even than love.
— P.D. James
Civilization was like a mad dash that lasted fie thousand years. Progress begot more progress; countless miracles gave birth to more miracles; humankind seemed to possess the power of gods; but in the end, the real power was wielded by time.
— Liu Cixin, Death's End
Heresy no longer existed within religion itwas founded in the state. 
— Reinhart Koselleck, Futures Past: On the Semantics of Historical Time
Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.
— Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
— Phyllis Diller
Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
— Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
— Marilyn Monroe
They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.
— John Green, Looking for Alaska
Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
— Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
— Cathy Guisewite
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
— Albert Einstein
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
— Winston S. Churchill
It's not because I want to make out with her."Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit
— John Green, Looking for Alaska
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
— Jerry Seinfeld
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
— Golda Meir
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.
— Bill Cosby
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
— Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes
I cannot go to school today"Said little Peggy Ann McKay."I have the measles and the mumps,A gash, a rash and purple bumps.My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.I'm going blind in my right eye.My tonsils are as big as rocks,I've counted sixteen chicken pox.And there's one more - that's seventeen,And don't you think my face looks green?My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,It might be the instamatic flu.I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,I'm sure that my left leg is broke.My hip hurts when I move my chin,My belly button's caving in.My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,My 'pendix pains each time it rains.My toes are cold, my toes are numb,I have a sliver in my thumb.My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,I hardly whisper when I speak.My tongue is filling up my mouth,I think my hair is falling out.My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,My temperature is one-o-eight.My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,There's a hole inside my ear.I have a hangnail, and my heart is ...What? What's that? What's that you say?You say today is .............. Saturday?G'bye, I'm going out to play!
— Shel Silverstein
Did you see that dress?” "I saw the dress.” "Did you like it?” He didn't answer. I took that as a yes. "Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?” When he spoke, I could barely hear him. "You'll endanger the school.” I smiled and fell asleep.
— Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane
— Rachel Caine, Glass Houses
If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out. 
— Lawrence Ferlinghetti
I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist
— Gena Showalter, Seduce the Darkness
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
— Will Rogers
But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
— Rodney Dangerfield
She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..
— Masashi Kishimoto, Naruto, Vol. 18: Tsunade's Choice
Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Do you want a cookie?- What?- A cookie. Like an Oreo. Do you want one?- No.- How can you not want a cookie?- I just don't.- Okay, fine,let's say you did want a cookie. Let's say you were dying for a cookie, and there were cookies in the cupboard. What would you do?- I'd eat a cookie?- Exactly. That's all I'm saying.- What are you saying?- That if people want cookies, they should get a cookie. It's what people do.- Let me guess. Dad won't let you have acookie?- No. Even though I'm practically starving to death, he won't even consider it. He says I have to have a sandwich first.- And you don't think that's fair.- You just said you'd get a cookie if you wanted one. So why can't I? I'm not a little kid. I can make my own decisions.- Hmm. I can see why this bothers you somuch.- It's not fair. If he wants a cookie, he can have one. If you want a cookie,you can have one. But if I want a cookie, the rules don't count. Like yousaid, it's not fair.- So what are you going to do?- I'm going to eat a sandwich. Because I have to. Because the world isn't fairto ten-year-olds.
— Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song
Perv."He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point?
— Rachel Caine, Midnight Alley
Don't gobblefunk around with words.
— Roald Dahl, The BFG
aren't you, uh... reproducing?"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.1. You're wearing that?2. Something smells funny.3. Where's the Tylenol?4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.5. I have a confession to make…6. My dad has a suit just like that.7. That man is hot. Look at him.8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…9. You're going to order that? Seriously?10. You're how old?
— Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts
Can I come in?No! I'm in a towel!I'm blind!
— James Patterson
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impos
— Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass
This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.
— Charles M. Schulz
You…you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it." "I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it." And then he took me to the bed.
— Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around." "Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away.
— Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. “Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”Brekker’s lips quirked. “I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.”“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.
— Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows
Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! 
— Hergé, The Shooting Star
Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.
— Laurell K. Hamilton, Burnt Offerings
The funniest people are the saddest ones
— Confucius
Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not.
— John Green
If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up.
— Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
That sounds terrific, thought Cary, just you, your comatose wife your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.
— Holly Black, Ironside
Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.
— Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
— Steven Wright
Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.
— Orson Scott Card
She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.
— John Green, Looking for Alaska
Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she said. “You’re already there.’” “I’m not running the bases.’” “Well, you could at least steal second.’” “Jeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it.
— Rachel Caine, The Dead Girls' Dance
I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.
— William Shakespeare
Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.
— Mae West
Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers we get Aquatruck. 
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
We were kissing.I thought: This is good.I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all.I thought: I am clearly the greatest kisser in the history of the universe.Suddenly she laughed and pulled away from me. She wiggled a hand out of her sleeping bag and wiped her face. "You slobbered on my nose," she said, and laughed
— John Green, Looking for Alaska
Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?
— Richelle Mead, The Golden Lily
How long have you been standing there?""Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger.""He deserved it.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
— Jon Stewart
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
— Groucho Marx
Scoot over, man. I don't like you that much." "Dick. That's not what you said last night.""Bite me.
— Rachel Caine, Glass Houses
Your mail could've waited." Daemon followed me into the kitchen. "What is it? Just books?"Grabbing the OJ from the fridge, I sighed. People who didn't heart books didn't understand.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Onyx
A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.
— Harry Styles
Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios?
— Becca Fitzpatrick, Crescendo
She didn't care that people called her a bitch. 'It's just another word for feminist,' she told me with pride.
— Gayle Forman, If I Stay
The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.
— Rachel Vincent, Stray
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.
— Bertrand Russell, New Hopes for a Changing World
But that quickly faded, and he frowned. "You're bleeding," he said. "What happened?"Claire sighed and held up her wrist to show him the bandage. "Man, you would be so embarrassed if I said it was something else." Michael looked blank. "I'm a girl, Michael, it could have been all natural, you know. Tampons?
— Rachel Caine, Midnight Alley
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
— Dave Barry
Be what you would seem to be - or, if you'd like it put more simply - never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.
— Lewis Carroll
Daemon pressed his forehead against mine. "Oh, I still want to strangle you. But I'm insane. You're crazy. Maybe that's why. We just make crazy together.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Onyx
Ash is going to kick your ass, Daemon."Daemon's grin went up a notch. "Nah, she likes my ass too much for that.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.
— Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals
This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka!
— Gerard Way
You gotta be careful: don't say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.
— Johnny Depp
I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are. 
— William Faulkner
Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.
— D.J. MacHale
I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he's going to come back and want our first-born child or something."Daemon waggled his brows. "You want kids? Because you know, practice makes--""Shut up." I shook my head and started walking.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal
Maxon: “To be clear, no one agrees with you.”America: “To be clear, I don’t care.
— Kiera Cass, The One
Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.""Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that.
— Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything
I was feeling the height of bitchiness.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.
— Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant
Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing… "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.
— Ilona Andrews, Curran
Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?”“In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.
— Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave
Jem gave her a wistful look. “Must you go? I was rather hoping that you’d stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must.”	“I’ll stay,” Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. “I can minister angelically.”	“None too convincingly. And you’re not as pretty to look at as Tessa is,” Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow.	“How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared it to gazing at the radiance of the sun.”	Jem still had his eyes closed. “If they mean that it gives you a headache, they aren’t wrong.
— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up.
— Richelle Mead, Blood Promise
Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day," Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies.
— Claudia Gray, Evernight
Tantalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames.
— Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
— Groucho Marx
There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your penis.This was not one of those times.
— John Green, Looking for Alaska
Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.
— Peyton Manning
Ronan's bedroom door burst open. Hanging on the door frame, Ronan leaned out to peer past Gansey. He was doing that thing where he looked like both the dangerous Ronan he was now and the cheerier Ronan he had been when Gansey first met him."Hold on," Gansey told Adam. Then, to Ronan: "Why would he be?""No reason. Just no reason." Ronan slammed his door.Gansey asked Adam, "Sorry. You still have that suit for the party?"Adam's response was buried in the sound of the second-story door falling open. Noah slouched in. In a wounded tone, he said, "He threw me out the window!"Ronan's voice sang out from behind his closed door: "You're already dead!
— Maggie Stiefvater, The Dream Thieves
What's a dementor?"I mean, I can't even. "Nora, you are no longer my sister.""So it's some Harry Potter thing," she says.
— Becky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda
Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork.
— Laurell K. Hamilton, Incubus Dreams
Are you a female dog?""What?" Massie asked. 
— Lisi Harrison, The Clique
Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)
— Sherrilyn Kenyon, Infinity
However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, "I'm just crying because of how wrong you are.
— Amy Poehler, Yes Please
If you're texting Magnus to say 'I think u r kewl' I'm going to kill you
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
— Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding
I didn't want to spoil the mood. This was probably the longest Daemon and I had ever spoken without some statement earning him the finger.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
You're insane!" she shouted."Pretty cool, huh?""No!"Tally yelled. "Why didn't you tell me it was broken?"Shay shrugged. "More fun that way?""More fun?" Her heart beating fast,her vision strangely clear. She was full of anger and relief and...joy."Well, kind of. But you suck!
— Scott Westerfeld, Uglies
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. 
— Wendell Johnson
Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo.
— Jeaniene Frost, One Foot in the Grave
So that's it?" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?""What?""All of this," Kenji says, waving a hand in the air, "has nothing to do with him being all sexy and shit and him being able to touch you all the time?""You think Warner is sexy?""That is not what I said.
— Tahereh Mafi, Ignite Me
Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic? "Actually," replied Simon, "It is. If you watched infomercials you'd know that.
— Cassandra Clare
Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.
— Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?''No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.
— Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies
Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers.
— Tina Fey, Bossypants
Would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here, High Lord?""Ah. The Suriel told you nothing important, did it?"That smile of his sparked something bold in my chest. "He also said that you liked being brushed, and if I'm a clever girl, I might train you with treats."Tamlin tipped his head to the sky and roared with laughter. Despite myself, I let out a quiet laugh. "I might die of surprise," Lucien said behind me. "You made a joke, Feyre."I turned to look at him with a cool smile. "You don't want to know what the Suriel said about you." I flicked my brows up, and Lucien lifted his hands in defeat."I'd pay good money to hear what the Suriel thinks of Lucien," Tamlin said.A cork popped, followed by the sounds of Lucien chugging the bottle's contents and chuckling with a muttered, "Brushed.
— Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses
If we're mad, we're mad in large numbers, at least larger than yours.
— Shannon Hale, The Goose Girl
One thing I've learned about vampires--they keep pulling new rabbits out of their cloaks. Big, fanged, carnivorous bunnies that'll eat your eyeballs if you're not paying attention.
— Laurell K. Hamilton, Bloody Bones
Of course you know, this means war.
— Joe Adamson, Bugs Bunny Fifty Years And Only One Grey Hare
I'm not leaving, Kitten. You're going to do this."My mouth opened as did the door behind us. Stomach dropping, I turned to see Mom standing there in all her fuzzy-bunny pajama glory. Oh, for the love of God.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
What's that?" he asked, when I stood beside him again."Halos," I said with a grin. "For heavenly creatures like us.""That might be a stretch.
— Richelle Mead, Blood Promise
Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.
— Laurell K. Hamilton, Circus of the Damned
What I actually want to call you is a hell of a lot more unprintable than your name
— Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
It just seems like overkill when you already have a dagger and I have superpowerful magic at my disposal.”“‘Superpowerful?’”He stood up, a gold chain dangling from his fingers. “Let me remind you of two words, Mercer: Bad. Dog.
— Rachel Hawkins, Demonglass
Simon whispered to me, “But is everything okay?”“No,” Tori said. “I kidnapped her and forced her to escape with me. I’ve been using her as a human shield against those guys with guns, and I was just about to strangle her and leave her body here to throw them off my trail. But then you showed up and foiled my evil plans. Lucky for you, though. You get to rescue poor little Chloe again and win her undying gratitude.”“Undying gratitude?” Simon looked at me. “Cool. Does that come with eternal servitude? If so, I like my eggs sunnyside up.”I smiled. “I’ll remember that.”***“Oh, right. You must be starving.” Simon reached into his pockets. “I can offer one bruised apple and one brown banana. Convenience stores aren’t the place to buy fruit, as I keep telling someone.”“Better than these. For you, anyway, Simon.” Derek passed a bar to Tori.“Because you aren’t supposed to have those, are you?” I said. “Which reminds me…” I took out the insulin. “Derek said it’s your backup.”“So my dark secret is out.”“I didn’t know it was a secret.”“Not really. Just not something I advertise.”...“Backup?” Tori said. “You mean he didn’t need that?”“Apparently not,” I murmured.Simon looked from her to me, confused, then understanding. “You guys thought…”“That if you didn’t get your medicine in the next twenty-four hours, you’d be dead?” I said. “Not exactly, but close. You know, the old ‘upping the ante with a fatal disease that needs medication’ twist. Apparently, it still works.”“Kind of a letdown, then, huh?”“No kidding. Here we were, expecting to find you minutes from death. Look at you, not even gasping.”“All right, then. Emergency medical situation, take two.”He leaped to his feet, staggered, keeled over, then lifted his head weakly.“Chloe? Is that you?” He coughed. “Do you have my insulin?”I placed it in his outstretched hand.“You saved my life,” he said. “How can I ever repay you?”“Undying servitude sounds good. I like my eggs scrambled.”He held up a piece of fruit. “Would you settle for a bruised apple?”I laughed.
— Kelley Armstrong, The Awakening
Hitler: Thank you, whoever you are. I think you just saved my life.The Doctor: Believe me... It was an accident.
— Steven Moffat
Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?
— Rachel Hawkins, Spell Bound
If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
— Jon Stewart
Honestly, as much as I love my brother, I’m not sure how I feel about him hanging out in your bedroom.” He reached out with a muscular arm and used his fingers to brush a few strands of hair off my cheek, tucking them behind my ear. I shivered, and he smiled. “I feel like I need to mark my territory.” “Shut up.” “Oh, I love it when you get all bossy-pants. It’s sexy.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal
How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!
— Cathy East Dubowski, Disney's Toy Story
So it's true what they say about warlocks, 
— Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
Lucas: I wanted to talk to you after class, but you disappeared.Me: I have another class right after. One of those profs who stops talking, stares at you and waits until you get to your seat if you're late.Lucas: I would probably just walk to my seat even slower. ;)
— Tammara Webber, Easy
Aunt Mercy put down her tiles, one at a time. I-T-C-H-I-N.Aunt Grace leaned closer to the board, squinting. "Mercy Lynne, you're cheatin' again! What kinda word is that? Use it in a sentence.""I'm itchin' ta have some a that white cake.""That's not how you spell it." At least one of them could spell. Aunt Grace pulled one of the tiles off the board. "There's no T in itchin'." Or not.
— Margaret Stohl, Beautiful Creatures
Yours in demigodishness, and all that. Peace out!
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune
Will suspected Jem was in fact cleverer than he was himself - but he lacked Will's tendency to assume the absolute worst about people and proceed from there.
— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!
— John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
The clock struck eleven and cat the vampire huntress was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I was going to do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar’s open!
— Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave
Tris," he says. "What did they do to you? You're acting like a lunatic.""That's not very nice of you to say," I say. "They put me in a good mood, that's all. And now I really want to kiss you, so if you could just relax-
— Veronica Roth, Insurgent
What did Isabelle want?" Jace asked.Alec hesitated. "Isabelle says the Queen of the Seelie Court has requested an audience with us.""Sure," said Magnus. "And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour."Alec looked puzzled. "Who's Madonna?""Who's the Queen of the Seelie Court?" said Clary."She is the Queen of Faerie," said Magnus. "Well, the local one, anyway."Jace put his head in his hands. "Tell Isabelle no.""But she thinks it's a good idea," Alec protested."Then tell her no twice.
— Cassandra Clare
Whatever would give you the idea that I'm her damn brother?
— Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave
They call me, The Sharkalator
— James Patterson
Nothing is funnier than unhappiness.
— Samuel Beckett, Endgame
On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead.
— Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Daemon!" Dee called from the kitchen. "I need your help!""We should go see what she's doing before she destroys your kitchen." He rubbed his hands down his face. "It's possible.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
What are you" -Mac "I don't follow" -Jericho "You dropped 30 feet in that warehouse. You should have broken something. What are you?" -Mac "A man with a rope." -Jericho
— Karen Marie Moning, Darkfever
[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!
— William Shakespeare, Henry IV: Part 1
Dogs have their day but cats have 365.
— Lilian Jackson Braun, The Cat Who... Omnibus 02 (Books 4-6): The Cat Who Saw Red / The Cat Who Played Brahms / The Cat Who Played Post Office
I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)
— Susan Elizabeth Phillips, It Had to Be You
Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - TimmyHe's English! And Mom...Mom hates foreigners! - Cat
— Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave
Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else.
— Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic
I sneaked out to his house a couple times in the middle of the night to watch over him while he slept, just in case, I don't know, his comic book collection decided to spontaneously combust. This was dumb and admittedly creepy in an Edward Cullen kind of way.
— Cynthia Hand, Hallowed
I don't like hello. It makes me sound like I have dementia, like I've never heard a phone ring before and I don't know what's supposed to happen next. Hello?
— Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
— Groucho Marx
Shane looked…pale. Pale and shaken and—how predictable was this?—pissed.
— Rachel Caine
I want to make a memorial for our turkey. Never has a bird been so tortured to provide such a lousy dinner.
— Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
Interviewer: So. Tell me about your mother.Ezra: You're taping this, right?Interviewer: Audio only. Camera is faulty.Ezra: Okay, well for the benefit of the sight-impaired, I am now raising my… oh, dear… yes, it's my MIDDLE finger at Mr. Postgrad here.Interviewer: Mr. Mason...Ezra: Now I'm wiggling it.Interviewer: Terminating interview at 13:58 on 03/19/75.Ezra: Look at it wiggl--audio ends-
— Amie Kaufman, Illuminae
What do you think Dimitri? Is this a good idea, Dimitri? Please give us your blessing so that we can fall down and worship you, Dimitri.
— Richelle Mead, The Golden Lily
One of the greatest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten in my life was from my mom. When I was a little kid there was a kid who was bugging me at school and she said “Okay, I’m gonna tell you what to do. If the kid’s bugging you and puts his hands on you; you pick up the nearest rock...
— Johnny Depp
She blinked. "Hmm? Oh, don't care. What did Anubis look like to you?""What did... he looked like a guy. So?""A good-looking guy, or a slobbering dog-headed guy?""I guess... Not the dog-headed guy.""I knew it!" Sadie pointed at me as if she'd won an argument."Good-looking. I knew it!"And with a ridiculous grin, she spun around and skipped into the house. My sister, as I may have mentioned, is a little strange.
— Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
You don't want him," she said to the pink-haired girl. "He has syphilis."The girls stared. "Syphilis?""Five percent of people in America have it," said Ty helpfully."I do not have syphilis," Mark said angrily. "There are no sexually transmitted diseases in Faerieland!"”Sorry," Jules said. "You know how syphilis is. Attacks the brain.
— Cassandra Clare, Lady Midnight