c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
How Superheroes Make Money: - Spider-Man knits sweaters. - Superman screw the lids on pickle jars. - Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.
— Jim Benton, Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers
Mom, camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.
— Yvonne Prinz, The Vinyl Princess
On horseback you feel as if you're moving in time to classical music a camel seems to progress to the beat of a drum played by a drunk. 
— Walter Moers, The 13½ Lives of Captain Bluebear
Being fed, and having a soft bed, and other people being in charge, seemed the most wonderful prospect in the world at that moment.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
In one universe, they are gorgeous, straight-teethed, long-legged, wrapped in designer fashions, and given sports cars on their sixteenth birthdays. Teacher smile at them and grade them on the curve. They know the first names of the staff. They are the Pride of the Trojans. Oops – I mean Pride of the Blue Devils.In Universe #2, they throw parties wild enough to attract college students. They worship the stink of Eau de Jocque. They rent beach houses in Cancún during Spring Break and get group-rate abortions before prom.
— Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
Fang let out a low whistle. "Anyone know that Amazons could ride a giant bird?"Ethon gave him a duh stare. "Those of us who fought them, yeah, we know. How you think they keep kicking our asses?""Cause you're pansies. Everyone knows that.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon, No Mercy
He`s quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen].
— Ewan McGregor
I scoured myself with lye soap from head to toe to get the evil funk of demon snot off me. I have flossed things the gods never meant to be flossed and used things that would be toxic to most living organisms. All to sanitize my body for your chewing pleasure.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon, No Mercy
I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo holding a chain saw. There's just no way to really prepare for that.
— Jim Benton, Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers
Max, you're acting like a child, the Voice said. You're above rebelling against your fate just to rebel. You've got a date with destiny. Don't be late."I brushed some hair out of my eyes. Is that a movie quote? Or is it an actual date? I don't remember destiny asking me. I never even gave destiny my phone number.
— James Patterson
I feel my brains, like a pear, to see if it's ripe; it will be exquisite by September.
— Virginia Woolf
Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic.
— Will McIntosh, Soft Apocalypse
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back
— Rodney Dangerfield
Great minds think alike-especially when they are female.
— Christina Dodd, Some Enchanted Evening
He swiveled his head towards Eddie. "Tell me how to get over to the Four Lads. Do I have to die again?"If he did, he had a Beretta on him and he knew what kicking the bucket from a gunshot was like. Snore."Don't bother." Adrian cracked his knuckles. "They're not going to tell you anything. They can't."What the fuck? "I thought I worked for them.""You work for both sides, and they've given you all the help they can."Jim looked back and forth between the two angels. Each of them had the tight expression of a guy with a shoestring noosing up his balls."Help?" he said. "Where's my goddamned help?""They gave you us, asshole," Adrian snapped. "And that's all they can do--I've already gone over and asked them who's supposed to be next. I figured it would help you, you ungrateful bastard.
— J.R. Ward, Crave
You think he left a big flashing arrow pointing to a filing cabinet labeled 'Evidence Here!'? He's a Stray, Ethan, not Wile E. Coyote!
— Rachel Vincent, Prey
There are several theories on sex and all of them are lies.
— Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday
California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.
— Fred Allen
A human hires a hit man to kill his cousin for money, boring. That same hit man botches the job twice, funny. Then the desperate hit man sends a ghoul after the girl to finish things up, my curiosity's piqued. That same ghoul ends up with his head cut off by a mysterious redhead . . . Ah. Now I'm interested.
— Jeaniene Frost, Death's Excellent Vacation
New Yorkers, I figured, just pretended to be unfriendly.
— Jeannette Walls, The Glass Castle
A horse blanket, Mel?I remembered what I was wearing. 'It tore in half when Hrani tried washing it. She was going to mend it. This piece was too small for a horse, but it was just right fo
— Sherwood Smith, Crown Duel
I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.
— Chelsea Handler, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
Don't you just hate that, you meet a girl she seems pretty nice, you tell all your friends and before you know it she turns out to be a vampire, don't you just hate it when that happens?
— L.J. Smith
And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry." (You have to be stern with weenie waggers--I've been exposed to on the bus over seventeen times, so I know.)
— Christopher Moore, You Suck
How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?
— Andy Weir, The Martian
Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you'll steal Nick's powers and kill them both," said Mae. "Great idea. Hey, can i come? I'll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to let blood get on the sandwiches.
— Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Covenant
Daemon laughed "I'm only at the service of one person in particular"My cheeks flamed as I scooted my chair over. "You are not servicing me in any way."He leaned in, closing my newly gained distance. "Not yet.""Oh, come on, Daemon I'm right here." Dee frowned. "You're about to make me lose my appetite.""Like that will ever happen." Lisa retorted with an eye roll.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout, Onyx
Must a name mean something?" Alice asked doubtfully.Of course it must," Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh; "my name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost.
— Lewis Carroll
Do you ride?"She smiled, her fingers lightly sliding around his ear. "Not since I hit that barn"Zach’s hands paused on her flesh. "You hit a barn?" "I had to avoid the cow
— Shelly Laurenston, Pack Challenge
Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree.
— G.K. Chesterton
She stretched, pulling out her earbuds, which apparently in Lykae was code for 'Interogate me,' because the questions, they came a-calling.
— Kresley Cole, A Hunger Like No Other
Jackson asked, "Where'd the water come from in your house?""A pipe." Then he explained to Jackson, "Water travels in pipes.
— Kresley Cole, Poison Princess
I can't make out what they're saying; it sounds like: hiss, blah, she hiss, squeak. But the aunt appears to speak the native language.
— Emma Chase, Sustained
Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.
— Victor Borge
Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli. "I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure."-Morelli And Stephanie
— Janet Evanovich, To the Nines
(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?
— Victor Borge
She's in the Catskill," Shopie began, but Scathach reached over and pinched her hand. "
— Michael Scott
My dear fellow " Said Albert, turning to Franz " here is an admirable adventure; we will fill our carriage with pistols, blunderbusses, and double-barreled shotguns. Luigi Vampa comes to take us, and we take him - we bring him back to Rome , and present him to him holiness the Pope, who asks how he can repay so great a service; Then we merely ask for a cariage and a pair of horses, and we will see the Carnival in the carriage , and doubtless the Roman people will crown us at the capitol , and proclaim us, like Curtius and the veiled Horatius, the preservers of there country." Whilst Albert proposed this scheme, signor Pastrini's face assumed an expression impossible to describe.
— Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
Radical Edwards's profile? He's a seven-foot tall ex-basketball pro hindu guru drag-queen alien.-Jet Black, from the Cowboy Bebop anime script
— Keiko Nobumoto
The first way not to shake hands is executed by receiving someone’s hand in yours and proceeding to squeeze it tightly, hurting the other party as if they were responsible for a past death in your family, or your adoption as a child.
— Wes Locher, Musings on Minutiae
I won't say that you're pretty because that dog already did. And I won't say you're funny because you have had me laughing since I met you.
— Melissa Landers, Alienated
Again Creb grunted. It was the usual noncommittal comment used by men when responding to a woman. It carried only enough meaning to indicate the woman had been understood, without acknowledging too much significance in what she said.
— Jean M. Auel
STYLE IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE IT IS HOW YOUDO NOT WRITE LIKE ANYONE ELSE
— Charles Ghigna, One Hundred Shoes
Are imperfections is which make we grate.
— Craig Benzine
Why not? If you're not going to let me see you naked, we might as well be girlfriends.""You're a twisted little man.""Come on, Stretch, share with the class.""No!" I laughed."Prude.""Perv.""Schoolmarm.""Some other word that essentially means perv.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
Your father...isn't good with emotions.” “Yeah. Figured that out a while ago.” Like, when I was four and cried because our family cat died and he offered to have it stuffed as a means to make me feel better. It didn't.
— Lindy Zart, Roomies
Where do you find a stomach on a Thursday afternoon in Reno? "Chinatown?" suggests someone. "Costco?" "Butcher Boys." Tracy pulls his phone from a pocket. "Hello, I'm from the university" - the catchall preamble for unorthodox inquiries.
— Mary Roach, Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal
Don't worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone.""If I was a forty-year-old man suffering from erectile dysfunction, that would be a great comfort to me, thanks.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I'm covered.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet...Ew, did you...?""Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
Let me get this straight. I can't take the vampire with me because if I remove the stake, he can kill us all. Now I can't take the girl because she's what? some kind of ninja witch?
— Tate Hallaway, Tall, Dark  &  Dead
Pritkin, it’s a hotel room, not a death trap!” A glance over his shoulder showed him impatient blue eyes under a fall of messy blond curls. “Anyway, you’re here.”“I can’t protect you from everything,” he forced himself to say, because it was true. It was also frankly terrifying in a way that his own mortality was not. He’d never had children, but he sometimes wondered if this was how parents felt when catching sight of a fearless toddler confidently heading toward a busy street. Not that his charge was a child, as he was all too uncomfortably aware. But the knowledge of just how many potentially lethal pitfalls lay in her path sometimes caused him that same heart-clenching terror.And the same overwhelming need to throw her over his lap and spank the living daylights out of her, he thought grimly, when she suddenly popped out of existence. “Cassie!
— Karen Chance, A Family Affair
My darling, you are indisposed! You must remain abed for the next eight months. Little Buford - ""I am NOT naming our child Buford...
— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
David tells me that fairies never say 'We feel happy': what they say is, 'We feel dancey'.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens
I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
This is really good,” Donovan Caine said, attacking his third strawberry pancake. “You sound surprised,” I said. He shrugged. “I just didn’t think an assassin would be able to cook like this.” “Well, I do get lots of practice with knives. You could say I’m multitasking.” The detective froze, his fork halfway to his mouth. “I’m kidding. I enjoy cooking. It relaxes me.
— Jennifer Estep, Spider's Bite
It was exciting to be off on a journey she had looked forward to for months. Oddly, the billowing diesel fumes of the airport did not smell like suffocating effluence, it assumed a peculiar pungent scent that morning, like the beginning of a new adventure, if an adventure could exude a fragrance.
— E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly
I can only drive slowly.""That's all right.""And I can only do left turns."Rose ran downstairs, grabbed a road atlas, and ran triumphantly back up again. "Wales is left! Look! It's left all the way!
— Hilary McKay, Saffy's Angel
I do not know what it was about that boy but just looking at him, even I wanted to clout him on the head. It was a head that invited violence.
— Patrick deWitt, The Sisters Brothers
Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do?
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
You couldn't be romantic if your life depended on it." "You know what's lucky? Most bad guys don't ask you to be romantic on command, so that probably won't matter.
— Rachel Caine, Kiss of Death
Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time.Me (Ilona): ...~A little later~Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen*Kid 1: Hey, you’ve got to see these pies. *opening the stove*Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time.Kid 1: I know, right?
— Ilona Andrews
Is that what you were doing in my room?” he asks after a moment.I sigh. Why am I telling him any of this? “Yes. I was on assignment.”“I was your assignment?”“Yes.” He hesitates a moment, then grins. “That’s kind of hot.
— Rachel  Morgan, The Faerie Guardian
And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.
— George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
Mooooon!” said the Ogre. “Tranquility …” Then he pointed at the full moon. “Neil Armstrong walked in a sea of Tranquility.” Then he added, “It’s made of cheese. But you have to take off the plastic before you put it on a burger.”Mickey sighed.“What’s his story?” the wraith asked.“He’s chocolate,” Mikey said.
— Neal Shusterman, Everfound
What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her.
— Gena Showalter, Seduce the Darkness
Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
Manners, boy. I'll beat them into you if I have to.
— Lori Foster, Jude's Law
Let me get you all some punch,” I said.“You're leaving us?” said Isabel, sounding panicky.“I'll be right back,” I promised. “If anyone comes near you, just scream and run.
— Kenneth Oppel, Starclimber
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
— Steven Wright
If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
And I like a good horror story as much as the next person  so long as they kill off some men too and not just girls. But the voices Joan heard were real. There’s clear and substantiated proof they were real. She won battles that would otherwise have been lost because of what those voices told her in advance of them allowing the French generals to strategize in ways completely different than they did before Joan came along. People’s lives were saved because of what those voices told her.
— Meg Cabot, Insatiable
Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.
— Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
If Duncan was ever into men then he's been so far in the closet he's been living in Narnia.
— Dana Marie Bell, Noble Blood
Let me just say it out loud so we can laugh together: You're going to find Johnny Depp, take him back to Vahalal, and put him in a zoo?
— Gary Ghislain, How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend
What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.
— Carroll Bryant
And the last thought he had that morning as he closed his eyes was: I hope the tornado hit the moose.
— Gary Paulsen, Hatchet
So what's your team called?" asked Kate, twisting her legs into a pretzel-like configuration, "We're called the Winmates because we're inmates who win." Kate looked back and forth at Reynie and Constance, searching their expression for signs of delight. "You gave yourselves a name?" asked Constance. Now it was Kate's turn to be baffled. "You didn't? How can you have a team without a name?
— Trenton Lee Stewart, The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner's Dilemma
If there's a sexier sound on this planet than the person you're in love with cooing over the crepes you made for him, I don't know what it is.
— Julie Powell, Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen: How One Girl Risked Her Marriage, Her Job, and Her Sanity to Master the Art of Living
Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!
— Kathryn Lasky, The Siege
I hated meatloaf. It was like something that Satan pooped out after an eternity of constipation. So I told Mom because I was honest that way. I sat back, squared my shoulders, and met her eyes, all confident-like."Mom, meatloaf's like something that Satan pooped out after an eternity of constipation. It should be outlawed, frankly, and serving it for dinner is like child abuse and should carry with it some pretty stiff penalties.
— Hayden Thorne, Curse of Arachnaman
Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it were something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you.
— Terry Pratchett
Fuck," Ranger said.Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open..
— Janet Evanovich, To the Nines
A woman’s magazine quiz:Question: You decide to do the dread deed and just as things are starting to get hot he comes, rolls over, and asks, “Was it good for you?”You:a. Say, “God, yes! That was the best seventeen seconds of my life”b. Say, “Sure, as good as it gets for me with a man.”c. Put a Certs in your navel and say, “That’s for you, Mr. Bunnyman. You can have it on your way back up, after the job is finished
— Christopher Moore, Bloodsucking Fiends
Just curious,she mouthed."What? I didn't catch that."Jjuussttccuurriioouuss.She drew it out this time, hoping he'd be able to read her lips."If you spoke out loud," he drawled, "I might understand what you're saying."Caroline stamped her foot in frustration, but when it landed, it landed on something considerablyless'flat than the floor."Owww!" he yelled.Oh! His foot!Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry , she mouthed.I didn't mean it."If you think I can understand that," he growled, "you're crazier than I'd originally thought.
— Julia Quinn, To Catch an Heiress
We look forward to seeing all of your Vaseline coated smiles terribly soon.
— Gitty Daneshvari, Class is Not Dismissed!
Nothing says "deeply in mourning" like canapés and free beer.
— Mira Grant, Feed
If ye canna see the bright side o' life, polish the dull side
— Christina Dodd, Some Enchanted Evening
We have all been empowered by the web: everyone with a keyboard can now effectively broadcast to a national audience. In a sense, it puts each of us on the same footing as the major media conglomerates, except for AOL, who now apparently own all our thoughts and teeth.
— John Hodgman
He bursts into tears, and not some manlike tears either, where you pretend you're brushing something off your face and, incidentally, wipe a tear. Nope. He starts bawling like a kid who spilled his Slushie...
— Alex Flinn, Cloaked
Ever since the robot was first invented, there have been people who swear up and down that this marks the first step towards the fall of man … To be fair, their arguments are backed with scientific fact taken from documentary films such as The Terminator, The Matrix, and RoboCop.
— Wes Locher, Musings on Minutiae
So you’ll have to wait for approval from your grandchildren.” “I wonder what our grandchildren will be like!” “Are you suggesting by that ‘our’ that you and I will have mutual grandchildren? Fie, Mrs. Kennedy!
— Margaret Mitchell
Adam's hot Pheebs! Admit it girl. That body is like some kind of happy experiment. It's like he was manufactured in a nympho scientist's secret laboratory
— Daniel Waters, Generation Dead
I think you inhaled too much lead from those scantron sheets
— Simon Holt, Soulstice
Unless philosophy can make a Juliet,Displant a town, reverse a prince’s doom,It helps not, it prevails not.
— William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
She'd been in labor for nineteen hours; I completely understood why she wanted to pass the buck. 'You are so beautiful,' her husband crooned, holding up her shoulders.'You are so full of shit,' Lila snarled, but as a contraction settled over her like a net, she bore down and pushed.
— Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care
It was safe to assume he'd not only read the play but then re-read it, cross-referenced the annotations, and probably joined an online chat group called Buds of the Bard or something equally nerdy
— Simon Holt, Soulstice
Playboy stretched his arm, patting Carlos on the back. "Well, you know what they say: If you love someone, let'em go. If they don't come back, hunt'em down and kill'em! 
— Alex   Sanchez, Getting It
The doorbell rang, making me and Roland jump. Nikolas opened the door to admit Chris whose good-natured smile did not falter even when he saw our grim faces. Then he saw Remy. I didn’t think I had ever seen someone’s eyes go that round before. Roland shoved a glass of Nate’s whiskey into Chris’s hand while Nikolas brought him up to speed on all he had missed.
— Karen  Lynch, Relentless
The door buzzer sounded again. The two boys exchanged a single look before both bolting down the narrow hallway to the door. Jordan got there first. He grabbed for the coatrack that stood by the door, ripped the coats off it, and flung the door wide, the rack held aboe his head like a javelin. On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?"Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful.""Yes," said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
The Princess BrideS. Morgenstern'sClassic Tale of True Loveand High AdventureYou had to admire a guy who called his own new book a classic before it was published and anyone had a chance to read it.
— William Goldman, The Princess Bride
Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared.
— John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.
— Criss Jami, Killosophy
I'm dating three men, living with two more, and having occasional sex with two others. That's seven men. I'm like a pornographic Snow White. I think seven is plenty.
— Laurell K. Hamilton, Danse Macabre
The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories— and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures.
— Mark Twain, On Masturbation
Whatever my ancestors did to you, none of them consulted me.
— Tad Williams, Shadowrise
I will not stand here to be insulted by you, hedgepig," Mangiz fumed."Then stand somewhere else and I'll insult you there, featherbag!!
— Brian Jacques, Mattimeo
Hi's nose was pressed to his window. “I've changed my mind, Tory. This is the perfect place to hold someone prisoner. I'm keeping this on file.
— Kathy Reichs, Exposure
Divination is turning out to be much more trouble than I could have foreseen, never having studied the subject myself.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it.
— Andrew Smith
Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns.
— David Wong, This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It
I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the front door unpadlocked.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
Idiot," I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine. "We need to pick new pet names for each other," he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
The apex of mathematical achievement occurs when two or more fields which were thought to be entirely unrelated turn out to be closely intertwined. Mathematicians have never decided whether they should feel excited or upset by such events.
— Gian-Carlo Rota, Indiscrete Thoughts
Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile.Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast. "What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in situations like this?Too harsh?
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
I offered you a choice, and you took it."I shot him what I hoped was a truly scathing glare. "Some choice. I was dying. Some drunk shot me from a pickup. Why wouldn't I have just woken up with gonorrhea like every other girl of loose moral fiber?
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth...Look, there they are.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
Jane Jameson."He grinned. "Like the porn 
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
I reach up and pat them both on the head. "Poor things. If you had a boy that looked like Logan, you'd be kissing him every chance you had, too.
— C.J. Redwine, Deception
Would you kick her ass already?" Dick said, shoving me back toward Missy. "Come on, Stretch, man up. You do better than this! Get mad."I nodded, rolling a dislocated shoulder back into place with a grunt and staggering back toward my opponent. Behind me, Zeb yelled, "She tried to hurt Fitz!" He turned to Gabriel and Dick. "That'll get her mad."Gabriel rolled his eyes. "She's been framed for murder twice over, shot in the back, her arms were set on fire, and her parents are being held hostage. You think tampered dog water is what's going to make her angry?" "You tried to hurt my dog!" I wheezed as I lurched toward a grinning Missy.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
I wanted to call you, but I find myself feeling...awkward when it comes to you.""'Awkward' is the word du jour," I agreed. "So, I make you nervous?""Not quite nervous," he said. "Just unsettled."I wriggled my eyebrows and inched a little closer to him. "Unsettled, that's even better.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs.""I was curious!
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
Wait, is this a nice-ish way of telling me we had sex and I was lousy? That's how you can tell I'm inexperienced? Because, if so, that's just rude. And what were you doing at Shenanigans? And how did you find me on the road?"Gabriel looked wounded. "To answer your questions in order: The only body fluid I exchanged with you is blood--""That's very comforting, thank you.
— Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
I said I was sorry, Dani..." Kevin said, as they entered the apartment."I'm so not talking to you.""I couldn't help it! She was so funny, and you were blushing, and... gawd, Dani, I couldn't help it!""You just had to get us all soft pretzels, didn't you... just had to make sure we'd walk right by that lingerie store...""Dani... it, uh, it hadn't even occurred to me-""I hate you! When I go to therapy about this, I'm going to send you the bill!""You're beautiful when your angry.""Then I must be fucking gorgeous right now!""You are.""... Well, I'm still not talking to you.
— Failte, The Girl For Me
Far be it from me to slow down two badass supermodels on a mission, but we have a problem," a male voice said wryly.I could see Christian out of the corner of my eye as we turned, his stance and movements almost synchronized to my own. We shared a look, our expressions almost identically similar, wit arched brows and half-smiles."What's the problem?" I called out, scanning the faces to see who had spoken."You're a badass supermodel," Christian muttered under his breath at the same time, taking the mature approach, as usual.
— Rebecca K. Lilley, Breathing Fire
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.
— Dylan Moran
Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.
— Ellen DeGeneres
Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?”“Cheese made by dwarfs.”“Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .”“No. What a horrible thought.”“Exactly.
— Eoin Colfer, The Atlantis Complex
She had put on make-up in a colour scheme that indicated she might be colourblind.
— Stieg Larsson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today."I groaned. That would be just like me - ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klutziness.
— Stephenie Meyer, New Moon
Fifteen minutes later, a meeting was called. "Okay, look." Deb's face was dead serious. "I know I just joined this project, and I don't want to offend anyone. But I'm going to be honest. I think you've been going about this all wrong." "I'm offended," Dave told her flatly.
— Sarah Dessen, What Happened to Goodbye
Let come the forces of night! We will stand!" "We will get the hell out of here is what we will do," I muttered.
— Jim Butcher, Grave Peril
You guys dated, didn’t you?”“Are you insane? Not even if the continuation of our kind depended on it would I be tempted to do something so awful.
— Rachel  Morgan, The Faerie Guardian
In my opinion, all boyfriends should turn out to be secretly wealthy.
— Claudia Gray, Evernight
Stupid Romanian bloodsucker. He was lucky I hadn't bestowed another exalted scar on his imperial body.
— Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side
Look, I'm a guy. Your ass was touching my groin. Of course I'm going to pop a boner. It's a natural reaction.
— Gwen Hayes, So Over You
The inside is packed with people. Lots of them crowding the bar, passing drinks back for people to carry to tables. A bunch of guys are pouring shots of vodka."To Zacharov!" one toasts."To open hearts and open bars!" calls another."And open legs," says Anton.
— Holly Black, White Cat
According to the fortune-cookie logic most people live by, the best things in life are free. That's crap. I have a gold-plated robot that scratches the exact part of my back where my hands can't reach, and it certainly wasn't free.
— Josh Lieb, I am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to Be Your Class President
Ladies pick funny things to be proud of.
— Harper Lee
I handed him a beaker and toyed with the pleats of my skirt. The folds kept rippling against my knees in a distracting way. It was one of Naomi's additions to my wardrobe. I quickly decided that I hated it.
— Andrea Cremer, Nightshade
so this crow comes and it starts quacking at us.
— Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi
Totally drained he could only manage one but he made it a good one tongue included. “Delicious ” he murmured.  “So depraved ” Colton muttered.  “Thank you.”  “Get off me.”  “Mine ”  “Stings.”  “Boohoo.
— Finn Marlowe, A Thread of Deepest Black
She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head.
— Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
I live on shameless flattery...and vodka...but the two usually go hand in hand.
— Vicktor Alexander
Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. "I gave you catharsis last night. Twice.
— T.J. Klune, Burn
Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.
— Jean Shepherd
All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.
— Carroll Bryant
I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It's like, an overwhelming feeling that I can't even explain.
— Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi
Your perception is riveting, Amal," he says in a bored and sarcastic tone, dropping the note down on my desk. "It's comforting to know that there are people in my class who have the maturity and intelligence to make derogatory comments about other people's external appearances."Now what am I supposed to say to that?"What do you have to say for yourself?"Friggin' mind reader.
— Randa Abdel-Fattah, Does My Head Look Big In This?
You want me to be a man,older than you, who goes by the name of Roullard.
— Wendelin Van Draanen, Sammy Keyes and the Hollywood Mummy
How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?
— Carroll Bryant
I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights.
— Jane Austen, Persuasion
Let every man shovel out his own snow, and the whole city will be passable," said Gamache. Seeing Beauvoir's puzzled expression he added, "Emerson.""Lake and Palmer?""Ralph and Waldo.
— Louise Penny, A Fatal Grace
OKAY. So I was going to the library every Saturday. So what? So what? It's not like I was reading books or anything.
— Gary D. Schmidt, Okay for Now
Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio!
— Daniel Clowes, Ghost World
What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands.
— Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There
That explains a lot,' he said. 'I suppose it's also why we've never glimpsed that giant compass in the corner of the Atlantic. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed.
— Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists
I often arrive at quite sensible ideas and judgements, on the spur of the moment. It is when I stop to think that I become foolish.
— Jerome K. Jerome, Diary of a Pilgrimage
Lepida, has anyone ever told you that you're a cruel spiteful selfish slut?...You're vicious. You're unprincipled. You mistreat your slaves and abuse your daughter. And furthermore you're the worst, most neglectful, most criminal wife in Rome. I think we can go now.
— Kate Quinn, Mistress of Rome
And if that is the Foremast, what do you think that sail might be called, Mr. Wheeler?""The Foresail?""Very good, Mr. Wheeler, and the next one up would be called..."..."The Next Sail, Sir?""Alas, no, Mr. Wheeler.
— L.A. Meyer
It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me!
— Hergé, The Shooting Star
(True,) the white hole said. (My name is Khairelikoblepharehglukumeilichephreidosd'enagouni-) and at the same time he went flickering through a pattern of colors that was evidently the visual translation.
— Diane Duane, So You Want to Be a Wizard
Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn’t he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster’s cage was clean, I’d be happy to oblige.
— Janet Evanovich, Hot Six
I threatened to kung fu you. Oh my God.
— Jill Shalvis, Instant Attraction
Tag opened the door to his knock, and with a look of disappointment, peered behind Wade."You got someone better coming over?" Wade asked him."Pizza," Tag said.
— Jill Shalvis, Slow Heat
Decoupage hit Mooreland pretty hard...
— Haven Kimmel, Girl Named Zippy: Growing Up Small in Mooreland, Indiana
What part of Canada are you from, honey?""THE LEFT PART," said Jay.
— Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story
Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.
— George Jean Nathan
Rose unearthed three crystal goblets that almost matched, and even found a tablecloth that hadn't been attacked by moths since its last public appearance.
— Elizabeth C. Bunce, A Curse Dark as Gold
As is perhaps obvious, Morris Zapp had no great esteem for his fellow-labourers in the vineyards of literature. They seemed to him vague, fickle, irresponsible creatures, who wallowed in relativism like hippopotami in mud, with their nostrils barely protruding into the air of common-sense. They happily tolerated the existence of opinions contrary to their own — they even, for God’s sake, sometimes changed their minds. Their pathetic attempts at profundity were qualified out of existence and largely interrogative in mode. They liked to begin a paper with some formula like, ‘I want to raise some questions about so-and-so’, and seemed to think they had done their intellectual duty by merely raising them. This manoeuvre drove Morris Zapp insane. Any damn fool, he maintained, could think of questions; it was answers that separated the men from the boys.
— David Lodge
Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damagers awards.
— Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care
A new baby! Why, Scarlett, this is a surprise!” he laughed, leaning down to push the blanket away from Ella Lorena's small ugly face." - Rhett Butler
— Margaret Mitchell, Gone With the Wind
That's worst than gonerreha, man!
— Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story
Imagine for a moment that you are the proud owner of a large house which you have spent years of your life painting and decorating and filling with everything you love. It's your home. It's something you've made your own, something for you to be remembered by, something that, perhaps years later, your children and grandchildren can visit and get a view of your life in. It's part of your creativity, your hard work... it's your property.Now suppose you decide to go camping for a couple of weeks. You lock your door and assume that nobody is going to break in... but they do, and when you return home, to your horror you find that not only do these trespassers break in, but they also have quite uniquely imaginative ways of disrespecting, vandalizing and corrupting everything within your property. They light fires on your lawn, your topiary hedges are in heaps of black ashes. There's some blatantly obscene graffiti splattered across your front door, offensive images and rude words splashed on the walls and windows. Your television has been tipped over. Your photographs of family and friends have had the heads cut out of them. There's mold growing in the refrigerator, bottles of booze tipped over on the table, and cigarette smoke embedded into the carpeting. Your beloved houseplants are dead, your furniture has been stripped down and ruined. Basically, the thing you've spent years working for and creating within your lifetime has been tampered with to the point where it is just a grim joke.So, I feel terrible for poor Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Jane Austen and Lewis Carroll, who must be spinning in their graves since they have no rights to their own works of fiction anymore. I'm all for readers being able to read books for free once and only when the deceased author's copyright eventually ends. Still though, did Doyle ever think in a million years that his wonderful characters would be dragged through the mud of every pervy fanfiction that the sick internet geek can think of to create? Did Carroll ever suspect that Alice and the Hatter would become freakish clown-like goth caricatures in Tim Burton's CGI-infested films? Would Austen really want her writing to be sold as badly-formatted ebooks?The sharing of this Public Domain content isn't really an issue. Stories are meant to be told, meant to echo onward forever. That's what makes them magical. That being said, in the Information Age, there's a real lack of respect towards the creators of this original content. If, when I've been dead for 70 years and I then no longer have the rights to my novels, somebody gets the bright idea of doing anything funny with any of those novels, my ghost is going to rise from the grave and do some serious ass-kicking.
— Rebecca McNutt
It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital.
— Wes Locher, Musings on Minutiae
Though I normally approve of plain speaking, as you know, I would suggest that as part of your good behavior, you refer to the king as 'his grace' or even simply 'the king' instead of 'that creature,' by the way.
— Susan Higginbotham, The Stolen Crown: The Secret Marriage that Forever Changed the Fate of England
The skanky vamp biting for bucks on the dark end of state street is your ex boyfriend?" William asked. The look on William's face implied he hoped I washed after interacting with Parrish
— Tate Hallaway, Tall, Dark  &  Dead
[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I’m carrying piping hot coffee.
— Wes Locher, Musings on Minutiae
Go out with me tomorow night," Perry went on. "Let me prove to you that I'm the guy you want.""I...I guess I coul go out tomorrow night," Miranda sounded shocked and a little swept off her feet.Then, from the corner of her eyes. Kylie saw something move at the office window. When she looked back, she spotted Burnett and Holiday standing there high-fiving each other. No doubt Burnett was listening to the coversation and sharing the details with Holiday.Perry nodded, stepped closer, and then pressed a quick kiss on Miranda's cheek. It had to be the most romantic thing Kylie had ever seen. ..."What?" Miranda asked. "You're happy my date [with Todd] wasn't exciting?" "No," Kylie said. "Let's just say we're more excited about tomorrow night's date."A bright smile lit up Miranda's face. "Me too. Can you believ Perry did that? I mean, he was so...""Romantic," Kylie said."Hot," Della added."Sweet," Miranda whispered. "I couldn't stop thinkibng about him all night."And that was the best news Kylie had gotten all day.
— C.C. Hunter, Taken at Dusk
Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.'I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex?
— Richelle Mead, Last Sacrifice
Scott Waldron.' 'What?' Robbie's lip curled in a glimace of disgust. 'The jockstrap? Why, does he need you to teach him how to read?' I scowled at him. 'Just because he's captain of the football team doesn't mean you can be a jerk. Or are you jealous?' 'Oh, of course, that's it,' Robbie said with a sneer. 'I've always wanted the IQ of a rock. No, wait. That would be an insult to the rock...
— Julie Kagawa, The Iron King
The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.
— Criss Jami, Killosophy
Now how do I access Google?”Was he serious? “Why do you need Goog
— Charlie Cochet, Hell & High Water
If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard.
— Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction
Myrnin was silent for a beat, and then he said, "Bob would be very disappointed in you.
— Rachel Caine, Black Dawn
...that was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless more.
— Beth Revis, A Million Suns
It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a house or something.
— Catherine Gilbert Murdock, Dairy Queen
Lia let out a low growl and moved her arrow to the base of his fat throat. "What do you think, Gabi? Would you like to see these nuptials through?""Not this day," I said"How about on the morrow?" Marcello asked, smiling and lifting my hand to his lips. "If I am your groom?""Hold that eHarmony thought," Lia whispered in English. "We gotta get out of here.
— Lisa Tawn Bergren, Cascade
First rule of thievery,' Eli said, grinning, 'only run if you're not coming back.' (...) 'First rule of thievery, never use the same entrance twice.' Miranda rolled her eyes. 'How many 'first rules' of thievery do you have?' 'When one mistake can mean your head on a pike, every rule's a first rule,' Eli said cheerfully.
— Rachel Aaron, The Spirit Thief
I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been. —Enid Healy
— Seanan McGuire, Discount Armageddon
When Matthew merely stared at him, Jackson reached into the weapon box and pulled out a sheathed machete, handing it to the boy.Matthew laughed and dropped it.
— Kresley Cole, Poison Princess
Impressive," Court offered, gallantly bending to retrieve the shoe. "You should join the theater.""Fuck you.""I owed you that.""Revenge is a dish best served with a side of handcuffs and a hard ass-fucking. Remember 
— Finn Marlowe, Forever in One Second
Just because we don't understand why they'd cover up something doesn't mean they aren't," Bobby said, and we both turned to look at him. "Now you just sound paranoid," I said. "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you," Bobby said with an expression so serious that I couldn't help but laugh.
— Amanda Hocking, Wisdom
I haven't met that many women, human or angelic, who actually like to drive. In my experience they seem to be much more pragmatic about the whole thing than we are. For most males, driving is an extension of their masculinity; they have little fantasy scenarios going all the time - races, chases, and dramatic combat with other drivers. Females, on the other hand, generally seem to view driving as something you do to get somewhere. I know, crazy.
— Tad Williams, The Dirty Streets of Heaven
Have they built cities on the moon?" another boy asked hopefully."We left some garbage and a flag there in the sixties, but thats about it.
— Ransom Riggs, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children