c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
The eccentric passion of Shankly was underlined for me by my England team-mate Roger Hunt's version of the classic tale of the Liverpool manager's pre-game talk before playing Manchester United. The story has probably been told a thousand times in and out of football, and each time you hear it there are different details, but when Roger told it the occasion was still fresh in his mind and I've always believed it to be the definitive account. It was later on the same day, as Roger and I travelled together to report for England duty, after we had played our bruising match at Anfield. Ian St John had scored the winner, then squared up to Denis Law, with Nobby finally sealing the mood of the afternoon by giving the Kop the 'V' sign. After settling down in our railway carriage, Roger said, 'You may have lost today, but you would have been pleased with yourself before the game. Shanks mentioned you in the team talk. When he says anything positive about the opposition, normally he never singles out players.' According to Roger, Shankly burst into the dressing room in his usual aggressive style and said, 'We're playing Manchester United this afternoon, and really it's an insult that we have to let them on to our field because we are superior to them in every department, but they are in the league so I suppose we have to play them. In goal Dunne is hopeless- he never knows where he is going. At right back Brennan is a straw- any wind will blow him over. Foulkes the centre half kicks the ball anywhere. On the left Tony Dunne is fast but he only has one foot. Crerand couldn't beat a tortoise. It's true David Herd has got a fantastic shot, but if Ronnie Yeats can point him in the right direction he's likely to score for us. So there you are, Manchester United, useless...'Apparently it was at this point the Liverpool winger Ian Callaghan, who was never known to whisper a single word on such occasions, asked, 'What about Best, Law and Charlton, boss?'Shankly paused, narrowed his eyes, and said, 'What are you saying to me, Callaghan? I hope you're not saying we cannot play three men.
— Bobby Charlton, Sir Bobby Charlton: The Autobiography: My Manchester United Years
I must confess to generally hating sections entitled “how to read this book” and soon. I feel that, if I bought it, I should be able to read it any way I damn well please!Nevertheless, I feel some guidelines may be useful.
— Paul Taylor, Text-To-Speech Synthesis
Darcy rolled the quill between his fingers and looked with benign pity upon his cousin. “You should, you know. It’s a wonderful feeling to be the head of your home, with a wife who adores you and whom you adore in return.”Fitzwilliam whipped out his pocket watch. “Oh, look at that. I have to run."Ignoring him, Darcy turned his face to the fire, a besotted look in his eyes and a smile on his lips. “It’s a good feeling to care for your family and their well-being. It makes you finally grow up, I can tell you.” He sighed deeply and began attacking his figures once more, his mind filled with unlimited love and joy, thinking on his upcoming paternal responsibilities. “I myself find women to be unbelievably wonderful creations.”“I suppose you will continue with this treacle even as I beg you to stop.”“Well, think about it…” Darcy continued, looking up from his work.Fitzwilliam groaned.“They give back to you double and triple whatever little you hand them.”“I think I’m going to be ill, Darcy. Please stop.”“You hand them disparate items of food, and they give you back a wonderful meal. You provide them with four walls and a floor, and they give you back a loving home. You give them your seed,” Darcy’s eyes misted, his voice choked with emotion. “You give them your seed, and they give you back the most precious thing of all—a child…” They sat in silence together.“And God help you if you give them shit.” Fitzwilliam was calmly packing tobacco into his pipe, and his eyes met Darcy’s for a moment. Understanding flashed between them.“Amen to that, Cousin.” Darcy crashed down to earth, quickly resuming his work
— Karen V. Wasylowski
Hope was like frogs praying for wings so they didn't bump their asses when they hopped
— Sherri Desbois, Half Hearts
My toe as a lethal weapon!
— Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran
I bet that dog-walking trollop called the cops on us. - Esme from Sister Mischief
— Laura Goode, Sister Mischief
David: “How the hell did you get dressed so fast?”Renee: “How do you know I didn’t streak naked through the lobby and had clothes waiting for me in the car?” David: “Heh. Good thing the archaeological paparazzi didn’t have a team on duty.”Renee: “I’d have taken ’em out. My whole body is a weapon.
— John C. Stipa, No Greater Sacrifice
Well, Ben says you have to be married to get a girl pregnant. And me and Cindy are not married, so she couldn't get pregnant, see?
— Scylar Tyberius, Sebastian the Great
Character and Plot...Character and PlotSome writers have it and some do notThis I'll tell you BrotherYou can't have one without the other
— Johnny Flora
Unfortunately...I missed out on the California Gold Rush a century before...I'll be dammed if I miss out on this one.
— Timothy Pina
Darcy’s hand suddenly rammed angrily into a bowl of fruit and grasped an innocent, unsuspecting orange. “Enough. The woman is demented. Our marriage is simply something to which she must become adjusted. She insulted Elizabeth and her family, and in so doing, she insulted me.” With an expression as black as pitch, Darcy commenced to vivisecting the orange. By the time he finished with said orange, it was completely dead, thoroughly dead, with no semblance remaining of its prior orange existence.
— Karen V. Wasylowski
Writers cleave together like a demonic AA group - we are singularly able to dance with each other's devils...
— J.D. Young
A weapon needs a wielder; it should not be permitted to start its own fights.""You are not my wielder; you are naught, a forgotten ghost, not even a memory.""Maybe, but you are still a weapon.
— Angelo Tsanatelis, The Rootless
There shouldn't ever be a gas shortage in our world...when so many people are full of it!
— Timothy Pina, Hearts for Haiti: Book of Poetry & Inspiration
Cheech and Chong Vs. HAL"I can't do that Dave.""Dave's not here, man""That does not compute. Dave""No man, Dave isn't here!!"..."I'm sorry Dave but that is incorrect""No man, Dave's not here!!""Daisy, daisy,.... I'm self terminating now Dave....""No man, dave's not.....Is he gone?
— Neil Leckman
Jesus, is Gamache hiring fetuses now?
— Louise Penny, Glass Houses
If I fuck you, you’ll think all your prayers have been answered. I’ll make you see god, Middleton. I’ll make you think I am god.”Ty Henderson - Act Your Age
— Eve Dangerfield
The reason politics makes strange bedfellows is because they all like the same bunk.
— Los Angeles Times
Lara Jean, why do you have to remember every little thing? It's not healthy.
— Jenny Han, Always and Forever, Lara Jean
Turn your diodes this way and pulse...
— Neil Leckman
... he's most probably in a closet so deep he's, like, in Narnia.
— K.A. Merikan, Road of No Return: Hounds of Valhalla MC
Falon stared at Del intently, trying to figure out what was different. As usual, Del was impeccably dressed in a lavender dress that revealed her curves. Her nail polish and shoes matched her clothing perfectly. Del’s shoulder-length blond hair looked the same. “Smile at me,” Falon said suddenly, and Del showed her teeth. “You got Botox again.” “Yeah, my dentist does it at his office now. I can get my teeth cleaned and my lines erased at the same time. If I could get him to do collagen injections, I’d be set. I wish these doctors would work together. If my gynecologist worked in the same office as my dentist, I’d look like a race car in the pit. I’d get it all done in one appointment and be back on the road in no time.” Del glanced at her watch. “That reminds me, I’m going to see a plastic surgeon for a consultation tomorrow, so I’ll be late getting here in the morning.” “Would you leave your face alone? Del, you look fine.” “It’s not my face, I’m thinking about having my vagina reshaped. The other day when I was being lasered, I was staring at it in the big mirror. You can really see all your girl junk in it, but it’s kind of magnified, so I wasn’t really sure if things were as out of proportion as they seemed. When I got home, I looked at it with a hand mirror, and it still doesn’t look right to me.” Del stood and began pulling up her dress. “You’ve seen a shitload of vaginas, so I want you to tell me—” “Don’t you dare whip that out in here!” Falon covered her eyes with her hand. “I’m not looking at it, Del. I’m not!” “Come on, really?” Del looked completely taken aback. “You looked at my boobs.” “That’s because you turned them loose before I realized what you were doing.” Falon waved her hand. “Your lady junk is far more personal than boobs.” “How so?” “Cleavage,” Falon blurted out. “You wear shirts that show cleavage, that’s like a little preview. Your lady junk is a total mystery, and I want it to stay that way...
— Robin Alexander, Fearless
...You agreed we would be fearless together. I’m gonna need you to keep your promise,” Haley said a little loudly. Falon’s office door opened, and Del stepped inside. “I heard a raised voice,” she said and gave Haley the eye. “Were you out there listening to our conversation?” Falon snapped. “Yes,” Del said unabashedly with her gaze locked on Haley. “I’m Falon’s bodyguard. Don’t let my manicure, impeccable high and lowlighted hair, and makeup fool you. I can have a shoe off my foot in less than half a second and peck you full of holes with the heel before you even know what hit you.” “Del!” Falon exclaimed as she hopped off her stool. “Honey, that might’ve scared me before I met Falon, but I’ve let monkeys climb in my shirt, and I’m about to get a tattoo.” Haley stepped up to Del. “Bring. It. On.
— Robin Alexander, Fearless
I am in the prime of my womanhood, nunga-nungas poised and trembling (attractively). Lips puckered up and in peak condition for a snogging fest.
— Louise Rennison, Away Laughing on a Fast Camel
Sophronia felt bound to object. "I, for one, should prefer not to shoot at someone I like.""Admirable scruples, Miss Temminnick. Get over them. For you will do it anyway.
— Gail Carriger, Manners & Mutiny
Confession is good for the soul, it empties the spirit making more room for sin.
— Trevanian, Shibumi
...Do you need a hug?” Payton asked with a smile. Ryann chuckled as Payton walked around the kitchen cabinet and held open her arms. “Come on in.” Ryann wrapped her arms around Payton’s waist and set her chin on her shoulder. “I made that stupid Silent of the Lambs threat again, and she corrected me. That made me furious.” Payton snorted with laughter as she wrapped her arms snugly around her. “Did you ever see the movie?” “No, I don’t like serial killer flicks. Shelly told me about it.” “I didn’t think so. The killer didn’t make meat suits, he took their skin. So when you want to sound really vicious, you say something like… ‘I’ll skin you and wear one of your ass cheeks like a beanie.’” “That’s really gross,” Ryann said as she continued to hold on. “But I suppose ‘I’ll snap you like a broomstick’ doesn’t have the same effect.
— Robin Alexander, Next Time
Or should I say that he is like the hand that is able to scratch your itchy parts with the perfect amount of strength!
— Memeko Arii, ひとりじめマイヒーロー 1 [Hitorijime My Hero 1]
It’s SpongeBob, Eleanor,” he said, speaking very slowly and clearly as though I were some sort of idiot. “SpongeBob SquarePants?” A semi-human bath sponge with protruding front teeth! On sale as if it were something completely unremarkable! For my entire life, people have said that I’m strange, but really, when I see things like this, I realize that I’m actually relatively normal.
— Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine
Every time you smoke a cigarette, God takes an hour off your life and gives it to Keith Richards
— Anonymous
I am in cage. I wish to be free.
— Lailah Gifty Akita
Every child is born as angel.
— Lailah Gifty Akita
I feel sorry for Rick Astley, one day he is going to die and nobody will know about it for weeks because nobody will want to click the link.
— Ade Bozzay
In the beginning was the word, and that word was probably misconstrued by someone who then made it into a personal issue and started a fight causing people to be miserable
— Ade Bozzay, The Moaning of Loaf
Tears are kind of like urine. There's only so long you can hold them in.
— Julie Buxbaum
The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have become super good friends.
— Sariah Wilson, Royal Chase
Chris smiled at me, showing two ridiculously cute dimples and a few feet away a waitress dropped an empty cup she had cleared from a table. Blushing, she muttered an apology and hurried inside.I scowled at him, refusing to be swayed by his charm.“I see,” he murmured, nodding slightly as if he had just solved a puzzle.“See what?” Ignoring my question, he pulled out a cell phone, hit a number and held the phone out to me. I hesitated for a few seconds then took the phone and put it to my ear.“What’s up, Chris?” said a familiar deep voice on the other end.“Good question,” I responded tersely.“I told Chris you’d recognize him if he got too close.” Was that amusement in his tone?“Great. You won the bet. Buy him a beer or whatever.” I glanced at Chris, saw that he looked amused now, too and I grew even more agitated. “I thought we had an understanding when you left here last week.”“And what understanding would that be?” I gritted my teeth. “The one where you go your way and I go mine and we all live happily ever after.”“I don’t recall that particular arrangement,” he replied in his infuriatingly easy manner. “I believe I told you I’d be seeing you again.”I opened my mouth but words would not come out. People say ‘I’ll be seeing you’ all the time when they say good bye. It doesn’t mean anything. It certainly doesn’t mean they will send their friends to stalk you.“Sara?”“What do you want from me, Nikolas? I told you I just want to be left alone.”There was a brief silence then a quiet sigh on the other end. “We got word of increased activity in Portland and we have reason to believe the vampire might be searching for you.”It felt like an icy breath touched the back of my neck. Eli’s face flashed through my mind and my knees wobbled.Roland stepped close to me. “What’s wrong, Sara? What is he saying to you?”I smiled weakly at Roland and put up a hand to let him know I’d fill him in when I got off the phone. “I don’t know anyone in Portland so there is no way he can trace me here, right?”“There is more than one way to track someone.” Nikolas’s voice hardened. “Don’t worry, we will keep you safe. Chris will stay close by until we handle this situation.”Great, I was the ‘situation’ again. “I don’t need a babysitter. I’m not a child.”“No you’re not,” he replied gruffly and warmth unfurled in my stomach. “But you are not a warrior either. It is our duty to protect you even if you don’t want it.”I felt like stomping my feet like a two year old. Didn’t I get any choice in this? My eyes fell on Chris as I spoke. “How close is he planning to stay? He’s kind of conspicuous and I can’t have my uncle or anyone else asking questions.”Chris peered in confusion down at his form-fitting blue jeans and black sweater as Nikolas said, “Conspicuous?”I looked heavenward. “If you guys wanted to blend in you shouldn’t have sent Dimples here. The way some of the women are staring at him, I might end up having to protect him instead.”There was a cough on the other end and Nikolas sounded like he was grinning when he said, “Ah, I’m sure Chris can take care of himself. He will be in town in case we suspect any trouble is coming that way.
— Karen Lynch
No, my eldest brother. He was named after our father. Our parents died when the Romans first invaded, and Stephano then became the "head of the family". " She grimaced. "He and I are like oil and water. Or we were. We get along well enough now, though." She grinned. "But boy did he pitch a fit over the concubine thing. He even called in Uncle Lucian to deal with me."Harper's eyebrows rose. "I'm surprised Lucian bothered to intervene."..."Yes, well..." Drina grimaced. "I'm afraid while I was een as a concubine, I was really playing puppet master with my lover and kind of ruling the country though him. At least until Uncle Lucian caught wind of it and came to give me hell.
— Lynsay Sands, The Reluctant Vampire
Never underestimate a septuagenarian with time on his hands.
— Bernadette Pruitt, Oldies but Goodies
Lions and tigers and Funkyoid, oh my!
— L. Frank Baum
I'll send three of Harnet's Di'taken. I have it on good authority that they think the sun shines out of my ass."Pole leaned forwards just enough to bring the major into his line of sight.Pole - "All of them?" Torrin - "Some of them are officers and thus blinded by the sun shining out of their own asses."Pole - "Did you just say that?"Torrin - "Yeah," Torrin offered him her hand. "Get over it.
— Tanya Huff, Valor's Trial
He walked over to where the three were standing. “I see all the beauty is on this side of the room.” Viktoria gave a wicked grin. “Well, it was.
— Randy C. Dockens, T-H-B
If anything in nature was as beautiful as it was deadly, it was she.
— Randy C. Dockens, T-H-B
Demane: "Gods could only carry away Homo celestialis with them, you see, because the angels had already learned to make their bodies light. But most sapiens—even those of us with fully expressed theogenetica—haven’t yet attained the psionic phylogeny necessary to sublimnify the organism.”"Do doubt," Comalo nodded mellowly. "No doubt. I'd always maybe thought it was something like that.
— Kai Ashante Wilson, The Sorcerer of the Wildeeps
I'm trying to think but nothing happens. ~ Curlie. That feeling I get with writer's block!
— Curlie Q. Link
A toothache, or a violent passion, is not necessarily diminished by our knowledge of its causes, its character, its importance or insignificance.
— T. S. Eliot
Vrekeners actually exist?L, The King
— Kresley Cole, Dark Skye
The first thing they would do would be to open my mouth and extract the soggy ball of my handkerchief, and as they spread it out flat on the table beside my white remains, an orange stamp—a stamp belonging to the King—would flutter to the floor: It was like something right out of Agatha Christie.
— Alan Bradley, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie
Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.
— K. Martin Beckner, A Million Doorways
The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.
— Mark Twain
A friend once told me "Michael, if you were a villain, you'd be the Joker," to which I replied, "no, dear friend - if the Joker were a villain, he'd be ME.
— Michael Benningfield
Oh my God, is it a bear?” Ian’s yell from across the camp made Snow stop. Then he choked as laughter spilled from his throat. “It’s not a bear, Ian,” Rowe yelled. “It’s just Snow. Gettin’ some.
— Jocelynn Drake, Unbreakable Stories: Snow
Displeased is too mild a word, Pauline. I would rather use the word "vexed". I would be most discomforted to know that you were "vexed" my lord, Halt said, with just the slightest trace of mockery in his tone. The Baron turned a piercing glare on him, don't take this too far, it warned him. Then we shall make it "extremely vexed", lady Pauline, he said meaningfully. I leave it to you to put it in the right form. He looked from her to Halt. You will receive the official notification of my displeasure tomorrow, Halt. I tremble in anticipation my lord, said Halt.
— John Flanagan, The Burning Bridge
When your novel first peeks its head into the world, it will look pretty much like every newborn: blotchy, hairless, and utterly confused.
— Chris Baty, No Plot? No Problem!: A Low-Stress, High-Velocity Guide to Writing a Novel in 30 Days
I’m not mad because I’m a woman,” I say. “I’m mad because you’re an asshole.
— Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eye
For our radically misnamed “materialistic” civilization must above all cultivate the love of material, of earth, air, and water, of mountains and forests, of excellent food and imaginative housing and clothing, and of cherishing our artfully erotic contacts between human bodies. Certainly, all these so–called “things” are as impermanent as ripples in water, but what life, what love, what energy is there in a perfectly pure abstraction or a totally solid and eternally indestructible rock?
— Alan W. Watts, Does It Matter?
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, isn't war the most demented activity ever invented?
— Mary Pat Kelly, Galway Bay
You always do good ones. We trust you, Mr. Duke," Says Dylan. Foolish lads, thinks Felix: never trust a professional ham.
— Margaret Atwood, Hag-Seed
I know, I know. I rescued him and he’s bonded to me like a baby duck.
— Laurell K. Hamilton, Crimson Death
Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727) New Orleans, LA
— Diana Hollingsworth Gessler, Very New Orleans: A Celebration of History, Culture, and Cajun Country Charm
Late to bed, late to rise, command like hell and monetize.
— Ben Tolosa, Masterplan Your Success
I took my line straight away. I knew I was staking everything, but I jumped there and then. "We're on absolutely the biggest thing that has ever been invented," I said, and put the accent on "we." "If you want to keep me out of this, you'll have to do it with a gun. I'm coming down to be your fourth labourer to-morrow.
— H.G. Wells, The First Men on the Moon
I don’t like to think because thinking leads me to overthinking and overthinking leads me to depression. Making decisions without thinking is often suicidal; therefore, I force myself to think without overthinking.
— Ben Tolosa, Masterplan Your Success
Halt! We are attempting an arrest!”“Yeah, we’re aware,” Quinn muttered under her breath.
— Ash Gray, The Harvest
Alright. So how are we getting down there? Can you turn invisible or something?”“What do I look like? A magician?”“Well, can you fight?”“Can you?”“No,” said Thalcu with a sad laugh. “Zonbiri women aren’t allowed to handle anything bigger than a butter knife. Not legally, anyway. Besides, I could never shoot a gun. My hands are used to pushing remote control buttons, pounding game controllers . . . picking the good chips from the bag.
— Ash Gray, The Harvest
But what do you care about Qorlec?” went on Dr. Zorgone. “I heard you escaped Alsa Sif V, and immediately upon your departure,” he frowned, “you set coordinates for Earth?” He laughed softly, nastily, and Quinn felt anger shiver through her to see the twinkling mockery in his eyes. “What would your people think to know that, I wonder?” continued Dr. Zorgone, tilting his head. “The first place you ran to wasn’t Qorlec, wasn’t the ancient home of your ‘mighty’ ancestors, but the polluted shit-ball of ape people? The true home of the true empress is Earth.” His eyes danced over her, searching, hungry. “You speak Roknal and English fluently, but I bet you don’t know a damn lick of Aviye. The entirian princess isn’t even entirian --”“What do you want?” Quinn said abruptly.“What do I want?” repeated Dr. Zorgone, rolling his eyes to the starry sky. “Let’s see . . . What do I want? I always wanted an indoor pool.”Quinn’s lips tightened.
— Ash Gray, The Harvest
Cactus face over there doesn't look happy," Audrey whispered and we both giggled. "Maize calls that resting bitch face," I said and immediately felt bad for repeating it. "Let's not be mean. Maybe she's just constipated.
— Giselle Fox, Slow Burn in Tuscany
There’s no point running anyway. In t-minus ten minutes, you will have no where to run to.”Quinn tensed at the triumphant look in his eyes. “. . .what have you done?”“I have entered launch codes in the computer. In exactly ten minutes, Alpha Star 9 will be a black stain in the middle of Utah.”Quinn’s lips part in shock.“Yes,” said. Dr. Zorgone in amusement. “Dramatic gasp!
— Ash Gray, The Harvest
Show me someone without problems and I will show you someone who is dead.
— Levon Peter Poe
The sound of an English accent distracted her and lifted her spirits. She associated English accents with singing teapots, schools for witchcraft, and the science of deduction. This wasn't, she knew, terribly sophisticated of her, but she had no real guilt about it. She felt the English were themselves to blame for her feelings. They had spent a century relentlessly marketing their detectives and wizards and nannies, and they had to live with the results.
— Joe Hill, The Fireman
I refuse to give readers an uplifting faux experience engineered to comfort them and perpetuate the sociopolitical and economic status quo.""Who died and made you Bertolt Brecht?
— Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club 2
Americans can't stand any stranger looking them in the face. They take it as an insult. It's something they don't forgive. And every American carries a gun. If they catch you, a stranger, looking them in the face, they will shoot.
— Okey Ndibe, Never Look an American in the Eye: A Memoir of Flying Turtles, Colonial Ghosts, and the Making of a Nigerian American
You are not going to loot a candy shop in the middle of a war!
— Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian
There are certainly a good number of alternatives to "shit," if you have a particular need to express such a feeling.
— Fredrik Backman, Britt-Marie Was Here
When the Attorney-General ceased, a buzz arose in the court as if a cloud of great blue-flies were swarming about the prisoner, in anticipation of what he was soon to become.
— Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
Those half-learn'd witlings, num'rous in our isle As half-form'd insects on the banks of Nile
— Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism
I still believe this Life is a good joke. And if you treat it that way, you will never stop laughing.
— James Hauenstein
Dying is like not getting to see the end of the movie.
— Adaria Armstrong
To do what is right can be a dirty messy business" S. R. Tabone. Made it up for my Godfifa novel.
— S.R.Tabone
So much for a great opening speech, that sucker done tucked tail and is hiding in the deepest part of my brain, sucking its thumb.
— Brandy Nacole, Deep in the Hollow
It is 32c today, and the only thing keeping me from hanging myself is the small sense of relief I glean from attaching my body to the vents of my delicious cooling piece. It is a stunning unit, exquisite in all its forms, exceptional in its application, and effective in all its functions. I would marry it, if only I knew it would not die on me sometime within the next five years. Appliances, like obedient children or silent extroverts, cannot last forever, and while my unbidden affection kept my other air conditioner alive for the better part of ten years, not all inanimate objects can be fueled by my love.
— Michelle Franklin, I Hate Summer: My tribulations with seasonal depression, anxiety, plumbers, spiders, neighbours, and the world.
McDonald, who was known to hate policemen, was once approached by two cops for a two-dollar donation. “We’re burying a policeman,” one of them said, to which Mike responded, “Here’s ten dollars. Bury five of them.
— Gus Russo, The Outfit: The Role of Chicago's Underworld in the Shaping of Modern America
You can never be too thin or too rich. And if you don't believe it you were never really fat or really poor.
— Stephen King
What is serious in laughing, worrying, grieving, mourning, concerning about anything which is temporary? Well, it is funny, actually, when you know life isn't immortal.
— Bhavik Sarkhedi
I do," Ellie said, then groaned inwardly. Those were the words that had put her in this position in the first place.
— Gerri Russell, Married at Midnight
Potter, you can skin Malfoy's shrivelfig.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
I've never really learned how to do this. When we hunted, we had people to take care of what we caught.""I thought you hunted with birds.""We did.""So the birds caught the animals, other people cleaned them... When you say 'hunting,' do you really mean 'going for a walk'?
— Kate Sherwood, Sacrati
So you're getting back together with her? Just like that? Muriel asks."Not 'just like that'..." "How then?" Muriel enjoys playing devil's advocate. "For starters, it will have to be long distance for a while..." She doesn't let up. "For a while? Have you booked the U-Haul already?
— Harper Bliss, Once in a Lifetime
Clarence Hurt was driving, and he got lost. “Does anyone know where the Post Office Building is?” Hurt asked at one point. “I can tell you,” Karpis said. “How do you know where it is?” asked Clyde Tolson, who sat in the backseat with Hoover. “We were thinking of robbing it,” Karpis said.
— Bryan Burrough, Public Enemies: America's Greatest Crime Wave and the Birth of the FBI, 1933-34
You've got an answer for everything... It's one of the side effects of being right all the time.
— Rachel Spangler, Close to Home
I think my underwear is curling off me like burning paper.
— Sally   Thorne, The Hating Game
The reason I might forget something is because my mind is like a computer. I have so much useless stuff stored up in there, that when I forget to clean out my Mind's Cache, it has no room for new information. Like wearing pants!
— James Hauenstein
Everything that has calories in my kitchen is my favorite
— G.A. McKevett, Just Desserts
I jumped up and down and swore violently in seventeen languages.
— Kevin Hearne, Hounded
She wanted to run her hands over him as he whispered the impassioned corollaries of non-Euclidean geometry.
— Sherry Thomas, The Luckiest Lady in London
Her sample drawings were clipped, rather subordinately, to her photograph. All of them were arresting. One of them was unforgettable. The unforgettable one was done in florid wash colors, with a caption that read: 'Forgive Them Their Trespasses.' It showed three small boys fishing in an odd-looking body of water, one of their jackets draped over a 'No Fishing!' sign. The tallest boy, in the foreground of the picture, appeared to have rickets in one leg and elephantiasis in the other--an effect, it was clear, that Miss Kramer had deliberately used to show that the boy was standing with his feet slightly apart.
— J.D. Salinger, De Daumier-Smith's Blue Period
World opinion, though sharply divided on nuclear tests and the risk of atmospheric pollution, could congratulate itself on being united in its opposition to cannibalism. No country in the world was prepared to support the custom of eating the dead, though the right of governments to kill people, individually or by hundreds of thousands, was not questioned for a moment.
— Leonard Wibberley, A Feast of Freedom
I have the Angela Jolie of vaginas.
— Amy Poehler, Yes Please
Ah, but you must have a Christmas uncomplicated by murder.
— Agatha Christie, Hercule Poirot's Christmas
Tas had been teasing Flint unmercifully all morning, calling him "Seamaster" and "Shipmate" asking him the price of fish, and how much he would charge to Ferry them back across the lake. Flint finally threw a rock at him, and Tennis sent ass down to the lake to scrub out the pans.
— Margaret Weis, Dragons of Autumn Twilight
There's no romance in geometry," Lindsey answered. "Just you wait.
— John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
There are worse things than eating the dead, my dear fellow. Far worse things. There is, for instance, making a huge profit out of their funeral, which is the normal custom in the civilized world.
— Leonard Wibberley, A Feast of Freedom
If at first you don't succeed, try again.If you still don't succeed, blame someone else.
— Jeffrey S. Trosin
In Ireland we have the phenomenon known as a "Spoiled Priest." Unlike a spoiled child, this does not refer to a Priest throwing a temper tantrum.
— J.P. Sexton
Of course. Anyway, do you want to get together sometime this week? I haven’t seen your face in a few days; I’m starting to forget what you look like.” She snorted. “What a tragedy.” “I’m serious, let’s do something.” “You mean, like a date?” she asked skeptically. “Well I wasn’t going to give it an official title, but sure.” “I don’t know how to date.” This time, I snorted. “It’s easy, we decide on something to do, set a place and time, and then….we follow through with it. Sometimes food is involved.” “I like the sound of food.” “I thought you might. So, what do you say? Will you go on a date with me?” She had paused a few seconds before she spoke and for a second I actually thought she’d say no. “Okay, I will go on a date with you. But I expect food.
— Leslie Kate, Falling for Boston
‘Shall we go down and have a closer look?’ Hum asked.“ ‘All right. I think we have time — wait! What day is this?’“Hum calculated silently, then said, ‘The fifth day of Luggat.’“ ‘Damn,’ Cordovir said. ‘I have to go home and kill my wife.’“ ‘It’s a few hours before sunset,’ Hum said. ‘I think you have time to do both.’“Cordovir wasn’t sure. ‘I’d hate to be late.’“ ‘Well then. You know how fast I am,’ Hum said. ‘If it gets late, I’ll hurry back and kill her myself. How about that?’“ ‘That’s very decent of you.’ Cordovir thanked the younger man and together they slithered down the steep mountainside.
— Robert Sheckley, Store of the Worlds: The Stories of Robert Sheckley
You are a curse in my life!
— Charles Perrault
If god is dead, who's going to fix this mess?
— Satoshi Kon, Opus
all the time complaining at me that she could have had a career dancing topless at the Orbital Grill and Rendezvous Parlor. Her and her perky breasts. Yasmin, I told her, all the girls have perky breasts in zero-g, you were nothing special, you’re lucky a good man took you away from all that.
— Anne McCaffrey, Acorna: The Unicorn Girl
They love each other, marry (in order to love each other better, more conveniently). He goes to the wars, he dies at the wars. She weeps (with emotion) at having loved him, at having lost him. (Yep!) Marries again (in order to love again, more conveniently again). They love each other. (You love as many timesas necessary - as necessary in order to be happy.) He come back (the other comes back) from the wars: he didn't die at the wars after all. She goes tothe station, to meet him. He dies in the train (of emotion) at the thought of seeing her again, having her again. She weeps (weeps again, with emotionagain) at having lost him again. (Yep!) Goes back to the house. He's dead - the other is dead. The mother-in-law takes him down: he hanged himself (with emotion) at the thought of losing her. She weeps (weeps louder) at having loved him, at having lost him.
— Samuel Beckett, The Unnamable
Excellent. Aristotle will introduce you to the employees at the desk,' Dr. Creamintin beamed.'What what? I shall do no such thing!" the fluffy little owl argued. 'Cease your complaining Aristotle. Until Dave and Frey return, you haven't any work to do. Now go introduce the poor girl,' Dr. Creamintin ordered. 'Nevah, I say, nevah!' the owl decided, shaking his little butt. 'Too bad, I say, too bad,' Dr. Creamintin mocked before snatching the little bird off his stand on Felisha's desk and throwing him out of the office.
— K.M. Shea, My Life at the M.B.R.C.
Patients, beings who want to be rehabilitated, send me questions See? I answer them real fast, 1 2 3 done Like so You get?' Toby said, his pale green fingers clattering across the keyboard. 'I think so,' I said, shifting in my chair.'Okay hear we go First question: I just moved to a new city and there's a school next door All the kids, every last student, wear the same clothes Are they all related Is this one of those mafia families I need to be careful around You know the answer? Toby asked, swiveling to face me.'Perhaps,' I said after thinking a moment. It took a second to distinguish when the question ended and when Toby's remarks started. 'You sure, I can check real quick 1 2 3 I check that fast,' Toby said, his words zooming out of his mouth while Google search engine popped up on his computer screen.
— K.M. Shea
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.
— Mike Tyson
What some people need," said Magrat, to the world in general, "is a bit more heart.""What some people need," said Granny Weatherwax, to the stormy sky, "is a lot more brain."Then she clutched at her hat to stop the wind from blowing i
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
I don't care what you people say...we are not using a font that does not have fucking serifs." - Rook Myfanwy Thomas
— Daniel O'Malley, Stiletto
What happens," called out Max, "if you win?""We die anyway, but I become legend" I explained
— Philip Palmer
The orchestra had ceased and were now climbing onto their chairs, with their instruments. The floral offerings flew; the coffin teetered. "Catch it!" a voice shouted. They sprang forward, but the coffin crashed heavily to the floor, coming open. The corpse tumbled slowly and sedately out and came to rest with its face in the center of a wreath. "Play something!" the proprietor bawled, waving his arms; "play! Play!
— William Faulkner, Sanctuary
The stark evening sun at the far edge of the town had just unzipped the sky and finally gone down.
— Jack Bunbury, He/She Smells a Hoo-Hoo
If polar bears live at the North Pole, why doesn’t Santa use them to pull the sleigh?” Brogan asked, licking mustard off his thumb with the air of someone who thought they’d won the argument, which was dumb, because he never won. Embry was the uncontested champion of arguing in their house.“Are you high?” Embry asked. “Have you seen a fucking polar bear? There’s no way they’re as aerodynamic as reindeer.”“Polar bears make about as much sense as reindeer, seeing as neither of them can actually fly,” Brogan pointed out. “Polar bears are stronger, too. You’d only need half as many to get the job done.”“Polar bears aren’t pack animals. You’d never get all of them attached to the sleigh at once.”“Think how cool it would be, though. A whole troop of polar bears pulling a sleigh. There should be fire somewhere. A secondary propulsion system in case the bears get tired. Like a jet engine.” His eyes went wide with awe, presumably at his own genius. “There should be a jet engine, Embry.
— Sidney Bell, Bad Judgment
Someone threw a cabbage at William Howard Taft. That didn't bother Taft. He quipped, "I see that one of my adversaries has lost his head.
— Judith St. George, So You Want to Be President?
Most of the machinery of modern language is labour-saving machinery; and it saves mental labour very much more than it ought. Scientific phrases are used like scientific wheels and piston-rods to make swifter and smoother yet the path of the comfortable. Long words go rattling by us like long railway trains. We know they are carrying thousands who are too tired or too indolent to walk and think for themselves. It is a good exercise to try for once in a way to express any opinion one holds in words of one syllable. If you say “The social utility of the indeterminate sentence is recognized by all criminologists as a part of our sociological evolution towards a more humane and scientific view of punishment,” you can go on talking like that for hours with hardly a movement of the gray matter inside your skull. But if you begin “I wish Jones to go to gaol and Brown to say when Jones shall come out,” you will discover, with a thrill of horror, that you are obliged to think. The long words are not the hard words, it is the short words that are hard. There is much more metaphysical subtlety in the word “damn” than in the word “degeneration.
— G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy
Watch the fucking food!
— Jamie Begley, Lucky's Choice
I saw the statue completely different now. I'd decided that he wasn't pointing to anything or anyone. Now all I could see was that he was reaching out his hand to someone. For me that explained the expression on his face that I'd never quite been able to understand before.  He was hopeful and nervous and scared and a little bit proud of himself for doing it - extending his hand to someone, not knowing if they'd take it. This was, I had realized, one of the scariest things of all, requiring much more courage than sailing across an ocean and landing on an unknown shore At least that's what I saw. Clark and Tom's new theory was that he was a time traveler who'd somehow been transported to the past and was just trying to hail a cab.
— Morgan Matson
I wondered whether anyone in that backyard could hear the sound of my ovaries exploding. If there's anything that stirs a woman's soul more than a strong, handsome man tenderly holding a tiny infant then I certainly didn't know about it.
— Cora Brent, Walk
This was the kack’s cradle, icky-poo’s bassinet. It was Death and Diarrhea, singing duet.
— Jack Bunbury, He/She Smells a Hoo-Hoo
Life is like a fondue: the best fruit ain’t the best till it’s been through some goo.
— Jack Bunbury, He/She Smells a Hoo-Hoo
Of all the skills necessary for her work, what she was perhaps worst at was being polite to inanimate things.
— China Miéville, Kraken
Vegans are always wrong, but damn pleased with themselves
— Rasmussen
After the new information had been sent out and everyone knew what was going on, Onmvar and Herilda went back to working but what happened next surprised them the most unlikely person to walk through their doors did, Jevlei Onmvar looked up “What brings you here?” Jevlei simply shrugged “I want to become a trainer.” he announced what!? “Who are you and what have you done with the real Jevlei!” Herilda shouted “I am being serious.” but Onmvar and Herilda were not taking this whole thing seriously at all.
— Charon Lloyd-Roberts, STEDFARST
Tate and Marty exchanged indignant looks. Tate pointed to the kitchen door behind Marty, then hooked a thumb at the back door and gave Marty a nod. Before Mel could figure out what they were up to, they were both lying on the floor of the kitchen, blocking the exits.	“What is this? Occupy Fairy Tale Cupcakes?!” Angie asked. “What do you think you’re doing?”	“We’re in protest mode.” Tate said. “We’re going to limp and we’re going to lie here until you agree to let us come along.”	“Are you kidding me?” Mel asked. “What if I don’t give in? Are you going to hold your breath until you turn blue?”	She watched Tate lift his head and look at Marty. He raised his eyebrows in silent question, and Marty gave him a small nod.	“Thanks for the idea,”	The kitchen door slammed into his side, and Marty grunted but still held his ground. The kitchen door didn’t budge.	“Hey, the door is stuck,” Oz yelled from the other side.
— Jenn McKinlay, Red Velvet Revenge
The person who thinks dogs can't talk doesn't want to learn a second language.
— Mark Winik, The Dog Healers: A Novel
He had spoken with such absolute confidence that I knew he had to be blowing this out of his rectal orifice.
— Neal Stephenson, Anathem
I fail to see how turning the subject over like compost can do anything except raise its stink.
— Sonya Hartnett, The Children of the King
Q: When did you realize you wanted to be a w
— Anna Banks
I believe that 'love' and 'wrong' are two deeply unrelated words that should never be thrown into the same sentence together. Like 'dessert' and 'broccoli.
— Cat Winters, The Steep & Thorny Way
I might act like a rhinoceros, but I'm a unicorn.
— Nuno Roque
I sometimes wonder how many beautiful black sweaters have been knit from my wool.
— D. M. Timney
Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning
— Ryan Lilly
[representative government is] deciding once in three or six years which member of the ruling class was to misrepresent the people in Parliament,
— Karl Marx
I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff… and I want in..
— Homer Simpson
It's hard to tread lightly when you continue to accumulate.
— Craig Smedley, Quantum Orchestra: distorting the notes of reality
I fink it is a femuw. A femuw of a winowcowus... A a-stinct winocowus.
— Elizabeth Peters, The Curse of the Pharaohs
So...you really feel a difference from drinking it?" Lad asked.  I nodded. He nearly jumped out of the chair and charged past me to the kitchen.  I followed him. "What are you doing?"  "Getting you a refill.
— Amy Patrick, Hidden Hope
....I'd rather travel in Cargo-nanoships than a Bullet-train to reach my target.
— Farooq A. Shiekh
To see Ramses, at fourteen months, wrinkling his brows over a sentence like 'The theology of the Egyptians was a compound of fetishism, totem-ism and syncretism' was a sight as terrifying as it was comical. Even more terrifying was the occasional thoughtful nod the child would give....the room was dark except for one lamp, by whose light Emerson was reading. Ramses, in his crib, contemplated the ceiling with rapt attention. It made a pretty little family scene, until one heard what was being said. '...the anatomical details of the wounds, which included a large gash in the frontal bone, a broken malar bone and orbit, and a spear thrust which smashed off the mastoid process and struck the atlas vertebra, allow us to reconstruct the death scene of the king.' ... From the small figure in the cot came a reflective voice. 'It appeaws to me that he was muwduwed.'...' a domestic cwime.'...'One of the ladies of the hawem did it, I think.' I seized Emerson by the arm and pushed him toward the door, before he could pursue this interesting suggestion.
— Elizabeth Peters, The Curse of the Pharaohs
It is humiliating to have to confess that this conceit of Peter was one of his most fascinating qualities. To put it with brutal frankness, there never was a cockier boy.
— J.M. Barrie
Never underestimate the audacity of the small minded and slightly crapulous.A rather bleezed young neighbour decided to have a grammar battle with me. It lasted all of two seconds.I said something slightly amicable, and he responded with, “You sure that's how you use that word?”I put down my laundry basket and turned to him slowly and deliberately.“Do you really want to have this discussion with me, son, or do you want to go home and rethink your life?”He grumbled and vanished.
— Michelle Franklin
A scientist does not have hope, sir. Hope is what a man has in the absence of answers, and once he does empirical experimentation, he replaces hope with knowledge and disappointment.
— Michelle Franklin, The Leaf Flute - A Marridon Novella
Much as he detested Filch, Harry couldn't help feeling a bit sorry for him, though not nearly as sorry as he felt for himself.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Otis! Will you PLEASE stop killing me!
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
I give him a skeptical look. “You want to show me your dick?”“If it’ll help convince you.” He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. “Come on, let’s go.
— Kendall Ryan, Hitched: Volume One
There's nothing sexier than imaging myself as an Oxford comma getting unambiguously banged. Throw in a semicolon in between two closely related independent clauses, and a volcanic love of punctuation eruption is guaranteed.
— Ella Dominguez
Do you always travel with such cumbersome books?''I don't trust anyone who wouldn't.
— Doug Dorst, S.
There were the years— years of childhood and innocence— when I had believed that carminative meant— well, carminative. And now, before me lies the rest of my life— a day, perhaps, ten years, half a century, when I shall know that carminative means windtreibend.
— Aldous Huxley, Crome Yellow
Before her birth was she an idea? Before her birth was she dead? And after her birth she would die? What a thin slice of watermelon.
— Clarice Lispector
This was different. He didn't want a woman. He wanted her. And he supposed that if he had to spend the afternoon being strange, sad, and disfigured just to be in her company, it would be well worth it. Then he remembered the wart. He turned to Miss Wynter and said firmly, "I am not getting a wart."Really, a man had to draw the line somewhere.
— Julia Quinn, A Night Like This
People ask me where I got my x-ray powers. I inherited them from my parents in parental supervision. Erase the dots and your doubts if you think that I was 'raysed' alone.
— Ana Claudia Antunes, The Tao of Physical and Spiritual
I glance at him. He's looking at me, his expression every bit as expectant as I feel. I hate this little game of ours. Maybe because I'm no good at it. He won't tell me more unless I ask. Curiosity is one of my most incurable flaws--and Galen kno
— Anna Banks, Of Poseidon