c2p-cmd/Good-Quotes-Authors huggingface dataset:
I've been waiting for this a long time."-Martin "Let me guess that you're wishing for your IQ to break double figures?"- Alex V.
— Benedict Jacka
We so need to work on your definition of relaxing.
— Melissa A. Craven, The Awakening
Where's the guy who gave me Twinkies and Coke?
— Melissa A. Craven, The Awakening
I'm Julia Malone and nobody has the patent on me!
— Katie St. Claire
Get out of my brain!
— Melissa A. Craven, The Awakening
Don't follow your heart if you can't keep a beat
— Neil Leckman
Sent from my CrackBerry Intergalactic Kommunikator that doubles as an Illuvian Disruptor Death Ray.
— Bob N. Boguslavski, Wedding Chronicles
If a demon and a vampire mated, their offspring would be unique but in harmony, like a Labrador retriever crossed with a poodle. Voila, labradoodle!But a vemon was a made creature, as if one took the front half of the Lab and jammed it onto the back half of the poodle. In other words, wrong
— Kresley Cole, Demon from the Dark
Love a girl trulyExpectation: MarriageReality : Friendzoned
— Subhasis Das, Mom Says No Girlfriend
If a demon and a vampire mated, their offspring would be unique but in harmony, like a Labrador retriever crossed with a poodle. Voila, labradoodle!But a vemon was a made creature, as if one took the front half of the Lab and jammed it onto the back half of thr poodle. In other words, wrong.
— Kresley Cole, Demon from the Dark
If the bonus army conquered Washington the lawyer had a boat hidden in the Sacramento River, and he was going to row upstream for a few months and then come back “because they always needed lawyers after a revolution to straighten out all the legal side.
— F. Scott Fitzgerald
The demon was turning out to be an unpredictable, feral, bone-and-head-collecting, sexually ravenous happiness battery. She swallowed. All I have to do is plug him in.
— Kresley Cole, Demon from the Dark
I engage in subtle stalking. That's entirely different and perfectly socially acceptable.
— Siobhan Davis, Lovestruck
Many of my ex-girlfriends were habitual half-asian daters. These women considered half-asian men 'exotic,' 'sexy,' and 'just-like-Keanu Reeves-in-the-Matrix. I consider these stereotypes appropriate because I got laid.
— Kip Fulbeck, Part Asian, 100% Hapa
He's so dumb he couldn't find his way out of a birth canal.
— C Mack Lewis
If you're committed, that just means you're in agreement your undertaking could be your ticket to the asylum.
— Todd Day, Never Play Checkers with a Leapfrog
Chekhov. Well he was a bit of a lad. He had at least two dozen relationships, possibly three; some of them long term; most of the woman wanted to marry him and throughout that time he was still a constant frequenter of brothels. ‘‘Mercy. It’s a wonder he got time to write at all.
— Ray   Harris, The Gathering
Everyone lies. Or they have amnesia.
— Natalie Shell, The Wedding Virus and Other Snippets
Fiction is but a moment of bliss that takes the pain away...Like a cookie for the soul...
— Leona Keyoko Pink
Listen carefully, I’m going to say three words.”“I love you?
— Lisa Scottoline, Every Fifteen Minutes
I love you like a big fish
— Ashton Irwin
Men did stupid things when they got romantic ideas in their heads.
— Ronie Kendig, Hawk
Nathan said nothing for a moment. Then, "There’s nothing in my fur, is there?"Simon gave the other Wolf a careful look. “No boogers.” 　　"Good. I hate washing boogers out of fur."“Who doesn’t? What comes out of human noses is disgusting...
— Anne Bishop
Piter: Ah-ah, Baron! Is it not regrettable you were unable to devise this delicious scheme by yourself?Baron: Someday I will have you strangled, Piter.Piter: Of a certainty, Baron. Enfin! But a kind act is never lost, eh?Baron: Have you been chewing verite or semuta, Piter?
— Frank Herbert, Dune
Don’t think you’re some kind of snowflake, suit guy. I’m a bitch to everyone.
— Magan Vernon, The Only Way
No, I don't go to that restaurant anymore. No body goes there. It's too crowded.
— Yogi Berra
Wisdom of the Ages: "Women" Any culture that has supported the education, rights and sanctity of women has dominated those cultures who have not. As Lycurgus the Spartan lawgiver once said, "Strong women make strong men.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages "US News Media" If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "President's Day" One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages "Unsuccessful Town Slogans" Sequim (WA)- "We put the Dung in Dungeness.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "Government" Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "Unsuccessful pick-up lines" 'My parole ends today, let's celebrate!
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "National Symbol" With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn't our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?
— Matthew Heines
Why do they call them daytime dramas, anyway? Shouldn't they be bedtime dramas? All anyone ever talks about is getting someone into bed! Plus if you're at home watching, you're probably watching in bed. And if you're like me, after an hour or two of watching all those sexy goings-on you forget the silly story entirely and fall asleep. Just like it's bedtime!
— Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong
And you'd be left there like a fucking dumpling. You'd be standing there. A fucking dumpling man I'm telling ye.
— James Kelman
Wisdom of the Ages: "Valentine's Day" Because she never forgets, especially if you do.
— Matthew Heines
Isolde took a swig. "It doesn't matter if you believe it or not. Your government just gave you two months to get knocked up." She held up the bottle, her face dull and red. "Cheers." "You better get your fill of the booze now, then," said Xochi. "You'll be drinking for two pretty soon.
— Dan Wells, Partials
Why, oh why was I standing entranced when I should have been releasing my inner she wolf on his arse?
— Lilly James, Denying Mr Parks
Show me a writer that doesn't use their craft as a coping mechanism and I'll show you my unicorn.
— Angelina Assanti
I doubt very much that writers ever go to therapy. I wouldn't! I imagine that I wouldn't have anything to write about after!
— Angelina Assanti
I love Naples, Florida! Although, I’m so far behind everyone else there. After all, I’m still wearing my first face!
— Angelina Assanti, Mark Taylor's Checkered Past
Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Just like me in 2003, it looks like Brian Williams ended up "Between Iraq and a Hard Place.
— Matthew Heines
He was my age and in my imagination he was a fireman, not the kind that actually fights fires but the kind who travels the country shirtless posing for calendars.
— Marika Christian, Phone Kitten
Tell Jack that after he finishs saving the universe again, he has to take out the trash in the kitchen."-Rosalind Kirby, one day in 1971
— Mark Evanier
Happiness is
—  knowing that Goodreads isn't blocked from my work IT system.
I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they frighten me.
— Arthur Wellesley
Wisdom of the Ages "News People" Always joking around and happy. I guess that proves that ignorance really is bliss.
— Matthew Heines
A man who has shot lions in large quantities has an unfair advantage over other men.
— Agatha Christie, The Man in the Brown Suit
Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Marshawn Lynch" Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can't be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a football.
— Matthew D. Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "Virtual Reality" A fairly plausible explanation for the abundance of Virtual People running around these days.
— Matthew Heines
Politicians and children have two speeds: running and asleep.
— Ariel Lawhon, The Wife, the Maid, and the Mistress
It’s impossible to park on Tremont or even idle there for more than 30 seconds. A platoon of meter maids, imported from the female Hitler Youth shortly after the fall of Berlin, roam the street, at least two to a block, pit bull faces on top of fire hydrant bodies, just waiting for someone stupid enough to stall traffic on their street.
It’s impossible to park on Tremont or even idle there for more than thirty seconds. A platoon of meter maids, imported from the female Hitler Youth shortly after the fall of Berlin, roam the street, at least two to a block, pit bull faces on top of fire hydrant bodies, just waiting for someone stupid enough to stall traffic on their street.
— Dennis Lehane, A Drink Before the War
Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Tom Brady's balls" Nothing more than a publicity stunt to keep the NFL Network from losing San Francisco's market share.
— Matthew Heines
Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Wilson or Brady?" The writing is on the ball...
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "Rainier" A beer and a mountain. You drink enough of one and the next day you feel like you fell off the other.All next week Wisdom of the Ages will be featuring the Seattle Seahawks and Super Bowl Topics. Tomorrow's Topic: "Tom Brady's Balls.
— Matthew Heines
Me and Vinny are dead careful, and we only had sex once without a condom, our first time, and it's a scientific fact that virgins can't get pregnant. Stella told me.
— David Mitchell
Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Unger Games" If your meals depend on you beating the Seahawks, you're gonna go "'Unger-y.
— Matthew Heines
Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "Tooth Fairy" Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.
— Matthew Heines
Jack, I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Oh Mom, you're way too old to be having a mid-life crisis.
— Irene Rubaum-Keller
Wisdom of the Ages: "Soylent Green" No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin' for a Big Mac.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "True Nobility" Comes not from thinking one is better than others-it comes from working toward the betterment of all.
— Matthew Heines
I wish I had an imaginary friend.
— Graham Garrity
Think pink but don't wear it
— Karl Lagerfeld
I like to go to Starbucks and watch the intellectuals. I observe them and their intellectualness. They in turn observe me drinking coffee and being a creeper.
— Ryan Lilly, Write like no one is reading
Jenna can't hear us, she's blind
— Sara Shepard
Wit is so shining a quality that everybody admires it, most people aim at it, all people fear it and few love it unless in themselves. A man must have a good share of wit himself to endure it in others. The more wit you have, the more good nature and politness you must show to induce people to pardon your superiority, for that is no easy matter.
— Amelia Grey, An Earl to Enchant
Mr. Morrow, IOI owns this network..." "Of course they do!" Morrow shouted gleefully. 'The own practically everything! Including you, pretty boy! I mean did they tattoo a UPC code on your ass when they hired you to sit there and spout their corporate propaganda?
— Ernest Cline, Ready Player One
Lucian. She's not normal. She's got the sex drive of Ursula. I'm so ashamed to say I've faked illnesses and gone to the doctor just to have a doctor's excuse! ~Steve~
— Lucian Bane, White Knight Dom Academy: The Beginning
Wisdom of the Ages: "Hillary" Has replaced the term "battle-axe" to describe an undesirable mother-in-law in 37 languages.
— Matthew Heines
If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased".
— Katharine Hepburn
I have come to see the nonsense of trying to describe fine scenery.
— Nathaniel Hawthorne
Wisdom of the Ages "Car Commercials" One of the last times you're ever gonna see that overpriced s-box not stuck in a traffic jam.
— Matthew Heines
Simon stepped forward and clapped him on the shoulder. "Nothing better than making a maid happy, is there?""Aye, there most assuredly is." Simon cocked a puzzled brow."Skewering my meddlesome brother would definitely be better."Simon laughed. "Then I'd best go pack so that I won't be directly in your sight for the next few minutes.""You do that, Simon, and while you're at it, make sure to find your common sense and bring it along as well.
— Kinley MacGregor
Wisdom of the Ages: "Wildlife Education" When I was a kid, the only woodland creature I knew of was the squirrel. I guess that's why no one believed me when I told them a squirrel just ate two of my friends.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "Ski-ing" The act of visiting Polish people.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "BS" Has now replaced death, worthless IOU's and ignorance as America's number one export.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "New Year" For a kid, the ultimate source of confusion. They say it's a new year, but after the break, you realize you are still in the same class, with the same lousy people.
— Matthew D. Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "Boxing Day" In the UK, the day after Christmas is named after the first activity that takes place between husband and wife after the Christmas receipts are added up.
— Matthew D. Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "The Nativity" The Son of God was born in a manger-not surprising, have you seen the prices of hotel rooms in Bethlehem? Oy Vay! Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah Peace!
— Matthew D. Heines, Deceptions of the Ages: "Mormons" Freemasons and Extraterrestrials
This is unacceptable! We’re English, damn it! We know how to build things where they shouldn't be!" - Governor Dewar
— MJL Evans and GM O'Connor
From my novel, "A Twist in Travel:Fate," "What, you've never seen a grown man naked?!
— Bobby Simonds
I check every can of Barbasol I buy for dinosaur embryos. I haven't found any yet, as evidenced by the lack of T-Rex screams in my apartment.
— Ryan Lilly
Wisdom of the Ages: "Friendship" The only ship that can weather any storm.
— Matthew Heines
Wisdom of the Ages: "New Year's Eve" The last day you can do all the things you are resolving to give up-until you give up on your New Year's resolutions.
— Matthew Heines
Play and be happy.
— Lailah Gifty Akita, The Alphabets of  Success: Passion Driven Life
Wisdom of the Ages "The Marshawn" US Army's new main battle tank. Runs over enemies instead of shooting them. Biggest expense: maintaining the dreadlocks hanging off the turret.
— Matthew Heines
What are you doing?”Celaena lifted another piece of paper. “If His Pirateness can’t be bothered to clean for us, then I don’t see why I can’t have a look.”“He’ll be here any second,” Sam hissed. She picked up a flattened map, examining the dots and markings along the coastline of their continent. Something small and round gleamed beneath the map, and she slipped it into her pocket before Sam could notice.“Oh, hush,” she said, opening the hutch on the wall adjacent to the desk. “With these creaky floors, we’ll hear him a mile off.” The hutch was crammed with rolled scrolls, quills, the odd coin, and some very old, very expensive-looking brandy. She pulled out a bottle, swirling the amber liquid in the sunlight streaming through the tiny porthole window. “Care for a drink?
— Sarah J. Maas, The Assassin's Blade
Okay, I've only just found out the final lineup for Slytherin," said Angelina, consulting a piece of parchment. "Last year's Beaters, Derrick and Bole, have left now, but it looks as though Montague's replaced them with the usual gorillas, rather than anyone who can fly particularly well. They're two blokes called Crabbe and Goyle. I don't know much about them--""We do," said Harry and Ron together."Well they don't look bright enough to tell one end of a broom from another," said Angelina, pocketing her parchment, "but then I was always surprised Derrick and Bole managed to find their way onto the pitch without signposts.""Crabbe and Goyle are in the same mold," Harry assured her.
— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
After we bring food home from the grocery store...Dogs must think we are the greatest hunters ever!
— Ann Taylor
Common sense is a tool that isn't in everyone's shed.
— Tanya Masse
Go Big or Go Home
— Kari Sherman, True Tails from the Dog Park
I was very sorry to hear about your losses. Your brother was a terrible traitor, I know, but if we start killing men at weddings they'll be more frightened of marriage than they are presently. (Olenna Tyrell to Sansa Stark
— George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords: Blood and Gold
I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call "food".
— Carla H. Krueger
I had to be the world's biggest loser, writing about hair, and stuff about my body. No wonder I stopped keeping a journal. It was like keeping a record of my own stupidity. Why would I want to do that?
— Benjamin Alire Sáenz
Allow me to remove my headphones to listen to your bullshit.
— William Eckard
Observation:Thanks to technological advances, avid readers seem to be replacing DTBAD (Dead Tree Book Acquisition Disorder) with an alphabet soup of more more modern-day hoarding behaviors: EBAD (E-Book Acquistion Disorder), EGAD (Electronic Gadget Acquisition Disorder), and ABAD (Audiobook Acquisition Disorder). Of course, there's also MYBAD (Movie and YouTube Acquisition Disorder: the hoarding or obsessive viewing of digital films and videos, some based on books). If any of these syndromes describes you, take heart: there's probably an app for that! - 8/9/2013
— Lisa Tolliver
There is nothing more stimulating to the senses than that of a female body freshly emerged from a steaming hot shower, bathed in oils and feminine scents... well nothing except maybe a freshly opened package of chocolate double-stuffed Oreos.
— Mark W. Boyer
First, let me finish. Then interrupt.
— Brian Spellman, Cartoonist's Book Camp
The American dream is actually Cuban.
— Andrés Aloi, Black Wolf
Merry Christmas," said George. "Don't go downstairs for a bit.""Why not?" said Ron."Mum's crying again," said Fred heavily. "Percy sent back his Christmas jumper." [I guess that's a sweater, though my jury is still out on it until I get a future confirmation.]"Without a not," added George. "Hasn't asked how Dad is or visit him [in the hospital] or anything...""We tried to comfort her," said Fred, moving around the bed to look at Harry's portrait. "Told her Percy's nothing but a humongous pile of rat droppings--""--didn't work," said George, helping himself to a Chocolate Frog. "So Lupin took over. Best let him cheer her up before we go down for breakfast, I reckon.
— J.K. Rowling
Kind of a bummer, getting your butt kicked by a dead guy.
— James Morrison
Observ
— Lisa Tolliver
She did not care what a ludicrous picture she might be painting, a fat happy old lady in her night gown, swinging on a small little swing in the dead of the night.
— Srividya Srinivasan
The problem with the world is that no one knows how to shit anymore!
— Ambrosio Molinos de las Heras in Michael Paterniti's The Telling Room.
A gold cage is still a cage.-King David IOh, go cry in a bag of money.-Queen Christina
— MaryJanice Davidson, The Royal Treatment
Few seem to be able to eat a turkey leg at Disneyland without splattering tsunami scale grease, so grab plenty of napkins or wear a bib, tablecloth or scuba suit.
— Leslie Le Mon, The Disneyland Book of Secrets 2014 - Disneyland: One Local's Unauthorized, Rapturous and Indispensable Guide to the Happiest Place on Earth
I would rather write a book without a title if my true friend chooses to live in a million dollar home in London and acts foreign.
— Duop Chak Wuol
A balanced dieT to make you die with a tea, consists of holding two bags of cookies on each hand and a voracious hunger to consume.
— Ana Claudia Antunes, The Tao of Physical and Spiritual
Engineer is the one who thinks Dark Fantasy is a condom and not a biscuit
— Subhasis Das, I.T. Hurts
I'm torn between none of your business and kiss my ass.
— Elle Todd, The Vanguard
By the time that adorable steak and I had become one flesh I could have taken on the whole Valmy clan singlehanded.
— Mary  Stewart, Nine Coaches Waiting
Sorry, maybe this is the head injury talking, but … what?
— Stacey Kade, The Ghost and the Goth
Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children.
— John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
You know, in some cultures, when you save someone's life, you're then responsible for it."Allison thought about telling him she'd seen the same movie and was pretty sure the claim was bogus. Instead, she offered her own bit of nonsense. "In some cultures, saving a life is considered an interference with fate and is punishable by death.
— Elle Todd, The Elect
My dog hasn't said a word all day, he must have a lot on his mind
— Seth Czerepak
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." ~ Jane Austin. Arguably one of the best opening lines in literary history (I said ARGUABLY doesn't mean I want to argue). However, to make it a modern retelling it would have to read: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man or women in possession of a good fortune, just treading water or so broke it aint no joke, must be in want of a life partner.
— Brandy Potter
I didn't want to tell him that I was so wet that Noah would have had to build an ark to avoid the flood in my pants - Moxie
— Z.B. Heller, The Chronicles of Moxie
Hangin' upside down ain't good for nobody but possums.
— DiAnn Mills, Firewall
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals... I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants".
— (None)
relations are the failures of life.
— Jasneet
The fifth sense is "common sense"- either you have it or you don't.
— Jennifer Shong
Jersey cows,” Eva explained after Jac complimented the luxurious taste. “The butter and cream here are better than anywhere in the world.”“Not that we’re prejudiced,” Theo teased.
— M.J. Rose, Seduction
If you don't have a headache by the end of this class, I'm not doing my job.
— Kristy Moody, Moody
if wishes were horses beggers will ride
— sadam isa ijago
Well, she asked him questions about his age and his attainments. The fact that he was a Catholic gave her pause, but when I explained to her that the present Pope was a well-meaning sort of chap, she said she was prepared to meet him halfway.
— Elizabeth Cadell, The Fox From His Lair
A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
— Xaviera Hollander
It's easy to have high morals when you'd be safe naked in the middle of San Quentin Prison.
— Ed Williams
Are you okay?" Kelly cried."I shot dinner," Nick said.Kelly snorted. "Look, Hannibal, you can shoot back if they 're shooting at you, but it's still not okay to eat them afterward.
— Abigail Roux, Ball & Chain
Damn, he was good. I'd been professionally sullied without a single item of clothing removed.
— Kylie Scott, Play
You know what we have to do?"The Italian nodded. "I know.""You don't look too happy about it.""Defacing a beautiful building is a crime.""But killing people is not?" Dee asked."Well, people can always be replaced.
— Michael Scott, The Magician
You can't oversleep if you don't make plans to wake up early.
— Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong
Do you recall telling Dr. Phillips during your appointment on February second of last year that you needed to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases because—let me make sure I get this correct here . . .” Taylor read out loud from her file, “Because, quote, ‘your weasel-dick husband slept with a skanky whore stripper and the cheating bastard didn’t use a rubber’?” Ms. Campbell shot up in her chair. “She actually wrote that down?” The jury tittered with amused laughter and sat up interestedly. Finally—things were starting to look a little more like Law & Order around here. “I take it that’s a yes?” Taylor asked.
— Julie James, Just the Sexiest Man Alive
In movies, we are accustomed to seeing handsome actors. It's so commonplace on the screen, large or small, that we barely note it as extraordinary. But in life, rarely do we encounter an onslaught of beauty, entire a hive of handsomeness, find ourselves awash in an ocean of attractiveness, drowning in a miasma of hotness.
— Shannon Hale, Midnight in Austenland
By the way, I have a bone to pick with you." Esperetta"Only one?" Velkan"At the moment." Esperetta"Then I can't wait to hear it." Velkan"'Bram' and 'Stoker'?" Esperetta"It was fitting, I thought." Velkan
— Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dark Bites
If men had to have babies there wouldn’t be any sex life left.
— Thorne Smith, Turnabout
You didn't happen to install Windows when you upgraded me, did you?
— Kelly McCullough, Codespell
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant.
— Anonymous
He stood at the table facing Flora and blowing heavily on his tea and staring at her. Flora did not mind. It was quite interesting: like having tea with a rhinoceros.
— Stella Gibbons, Cold Comfort Farm
It paid to be cultured, just as long as you didn't start growing bacteria.
— Michael Lee West, American Pie
I’d like to THANK whoever saw a bunch of cherries and thought....HEY!! If I dry out a bunch of those berry seeds, call them “BEANS”, smash them and add hot water, it will be AWESOME!
— Tanya Masse
Save the World-ers
— Kajsa Li Paludan
Marriage is the equivalent of trying to live with a bug perpetually up your nose.”D’Artagnan Bloodhawke
— D'Artagnan Bloodhawke, Moment to Moment
If you give a writer a line, they'll take a paragraph…
— Suzanne McKenna Link
Ha!: He laughed. "Almost all of them as a kid, but most recently it was my nose...for the seventh time. And I've had two concussions, three broken fingers, and a partridge in a pear tree.
— A.E. Neal, Holding On To Love
At around 6:00 a.m., April 30, 1987, we were awakened by a loud bull horn while inside our rented mobile home at an Ozark, Missouri trailer park."Glenn Miller, Jack Jackson, Douglas Sheets, Tony Wydra, this is a United States Marshal. You have three minutes to come out with your hands up, or we will commence firing."The feds had flown in two SWAT teams; one from Kentucky, the other from Louisiana (40 in all, plus the Marshals and local authorities) to make the arrests.We were surrounded.I had a hang-over, couldn't find my pants, and had to pee, bad.
— Frazier Glenn Miller, A White Man Speaks Out
I’d like to THANK the genius who saw a bunch of cherries and thought....HEY!! If I dry out a bunch of those berry seeds, call them “BEANS”, smash them and add hot water, it will be AWESOME!!!!
— Tanya Masse
I don’t think I’m crazy, but then again, define crazy.
— J. Lincoln Fenn, Poe
If that phone ain't ringing, I assume it still ain't you" Randy Travis
— Carole Townsend
You are organic, aren't you? Or am I talking to a statue again?
— Christina Daley, Seranfyll
Lending books to other people is merely a shrewd form of housecleaning.
— Joe Queenan, One for the Books
Someone has opened the flood gates of stupidity...
— Anthony Feinman
If you want to convince a criminal to see things your way, start by seeing things theirs.
— Aubrea Summer, Sixteen Seconds
The real point of watching television is to forget that you have a brain.
— Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong
You can't be too careful about work. It's the most dangerous habit known to medical science.
— Eugene O'Neill, The Iceman Cometh
You want to grab something here, Brycin?” he asked, bending over again. Um . . . yeah. Your ass.
— Stacey Marie Brown, Darkness of Light
Are all men's lips as soft as yours, Ari?" Bathymaas"I suppose, goddess. But I don't make it a habit to feel the lips of other men so I don't know for certain." Aricles
— Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dark Bites
Kiss my ass." "If you’d like me to start there.
— Stacey Marie Brown, Darkness of Light
Why does getting ahead always have to involve getting up early?
— Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong
I vote, I challenge Bathymaasy and we shoot arrows at you dearest brother." ArtemisSet and Bathymaas laughed.Apollo, not so much.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dark Bites
If Shane had learned one thing, it was to never tamper with a firecracker during an explosion. That stood double when applied to women – especially when you were the idiot who’d lit the fuse.
— Kimberly Krey, Cassie's Cowboy Crave
Why do I write? Because I like telling stories and I don't like repeating myself (insert chuckle here).
— NRN, Dream Caster
Galen punched his brother hard. "You bastard! You married and din't tell me?"Bathymaas moved to blast him. Aricle stopped her. "I'ts alright my lady. That's his normal reaction.""He needs to find another." Bathymaas"How could you have not told me? I'm your brother! Your twin! When did you marry?" Galen"While you were all gone." Aricles"Have you any idea the shit storm you are about to unleash?" Caleb"It's why I backed down from the fighting. I didn't want anyone hurt. Least of all Bathymaas." AriclesMalphas growled. "Now I want to punch you. . . . But I understand." He rubbed his gold necklace that never left him. "The heart wants what it wants, and nothing will deny it. But damn . . ." He turned his glare to Bathymaas. "Damn.""So what does this mean?" Monokles"The gods will attack her for this. Openly. Those who hate her will say that she can no longer perform her duties because she's been corrupted by the thouch of a mortal. And they will be after Aricles with everything they have." Caleb"I still don't trust him. He bowed out when we needed him the most." Phelix"To protect his wife." Haides reminded Phelix. "Right or wrong, I doubt there's a one of us who wouldn't do whatever he had to to keep his woman safe." Haides"he's right, there's nothing I wouldn't do to protect my wife and her honor." MonoklesGalen hugged Bathymaas and then his brother. "I hate you." galen"I hate you too." AriclesBathymaas scowled. "We don't mean it, my lady. Rather, it's our way of saying that we're still mad, but are willing to forgive." Aricles"Mortals are so strange." Bathymaas
— Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dark Bites
At the best of times, Father Bain's face resembled a clenched fist.
— Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
Uncle Drew shouts. “You are a disgrace. Your mother should have swallowed.
— Tara Sivec Love and Lists
It was the ship of dreams to everyone else.
— Oshada Shashika
Anything can happen in Hollywood, even good things.
— J.P. Mac
You're going to have a watermelon come out of your flap-jack and that shit will never be the same. Never. - Madison
— Nicole Reed, Cake
Retirement is lie sex. Men love to talk about it, but when the time finally comes, they're good for about fifteen minutes then they're dying to put their ties back on.
— Paula Wall
If life takes you long way, take a shortcut!
— Baba
My life is measured into two distinct phases . . . BC is before cellulite and AC is for after cellulite. Sad but so true!
— Various
Consistently sporadic and sporadically consistent. That's me.
— Denise Mansfield Bradberry
Do not argue with a spuse who is packing your parachute.
— Anonymus Autor
The closest I ever came to a near death experience was living in LA.
— Deirdra Baldwin
It ain’t whatcha write, it’s the way atcha write it.
— ack Kerouac WD
I leave her to chemically combust and find Wren in the student council office, filling out extremely interesting paperwork. He’s buried behind piles of the stuff. I can barely see tufts of his blonde hair poking out. I reach into the paperwork pile and shove the two halves aside. Hundreds of them fall off the desk and to the floor. Papers drift through the air like snowflakes. Fat, boring-ass snowflakes. Wren looks up, face slack with shock. “Whatcha doing?” I ask. “Dividing up funding for the other clubs,” He whispers, clearly distraught. A paper plops onto his head and slides off dejectedly. I’m respectful for three seconds. “So anyway, I had this nightmare in which Jack was sexy and Kayla died.
— Sara Wolf, Lovely Vicious
Pretty?' I said, swivelling in the driver's seat to face him, 'you want to ask me out because I'm pretty?' 'Is there a problem with asking you out because you're pretty?' 'I think you blew it,' said Tiger with a grin. 'You should be asking her out because she's smart, witty, mature beyond her years and every moment in her company makes you want to be a better person - pretty of face should be at the bottom of the list.' 'Oh, blast,' said Perkins despondently. 'It should, shouldn't it?
— Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast
Hopefully not another employee stealing credit cards, Brooke mused. Or any sort of headache-inducing “oops moment,” like the time one of the restaurant managers called to ask if he could fire a line cook after discovering that the man was a convicted murderer.“Jeez. How’d you learn that?” Brooke had asked.“He made a joke to one of the waiters about honing his cooking skills in prison. The waiter asked what he’d been serving time for, and he said, ‘Murder.’”“I bet that put an end to the conversation real fast. And yes, you can fire him,” Brooke had said. “Obviously, he lied on his employment application.” All of Sterling’s employees, regardless of job position, were required to answer whether they’d ever been convicted of a crime involving “violence, deceit, or theft.” Pretty safe to say that murder qualified.Ten minutes later, the manager had called her back.“Um . . . what if he didn’t exactly lie? I just double-checked his application, and as it turns out, he did check the box for having been convicted of a crime.”Brooke had paused at that. “And then the next question, where we ask what crime he’d been convicted for, what did he write?”“Uh . . . ‘second-degree murder.’”“I see. Just a crazy suggestion here, Cory, but you might want to start reading these applications a little more closely before making employment offers.”“Please don’t fire me.
— Julie James, Love Irresistibly
So I’m reading some poem by Louise . . . something, I forget her last name, but it’s about Hades and the underworld, and I don’t even notice that Paige has come up to my table until she says, ‘Doesn’t everyone want love?’ And I’m thinking, wow, that’s a pretty deep question, but then again Paige is really smart, and this is my chance to finally show her that I’m not just a dumb jock. So I say, ‘I heard this theory once that love means your subconscious is attracted to someone else’s subconscious.’”“Very deep,” Cade said.“Exactly. And I’m feeling proud of myself for that one, until she points to the book and says, ‘Oh, that wasn’t a question. I was just quoting a line from the poem.
— Julie James, Love Irresistibly
Life without risks is like a burrito without Tabasco. Bland, but you’ll still fart.
— Martyn V. Halm, Reprobate: A Katla Novel
6 Reasons Why You Should Be A Cat: 1) Free Food. 2) Free Rent. 3) Sleep As Long As You Want. 4) Look Great With No Effort. 5) Toes Look Like Beans. 6) License to Kill!
— Pusheen the Cat
You know your life is completely screwed up when you have to look up the mythological figures who talk to you in the bathroom mirror.
— Maurissa Guibord, Warped
Some girls have a real sexy giggle, but whenever I laugh it always comes out somewhere between a bellow and a snort!
— Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong
Common sense is only irritating in other people
— Martyn V. Halm, Peccadillo: A Katla Novel
And watch your tongue. I happen to be partial to humans - most, anyway. Clowns, not so much. Those evil bastards never stop smiling."Niccolo didn't know what these "clowns" were, but he made a mental not to stay away if he ever encountered one. Sounded unpleasant.
— Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?
If dat ghost have money, I tells him never to haunt you less'n he wants to lose it!
— Eugene O'Neill, The Emperor Jones
Sir Humphrey looked like a sleepy old hippo -- and when he yawned in that big, big, hippopotamus way Charity couldn't help doing likewise.
— Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong
If you constantly make it clear that you are unwilling to budge, don't get upset when no one is around who's willing to give you a push.
— Mark W. Boyer
It was [Hugh's] omnipresent fear that some woman might be foisted on him who would turn out to be an adventuress and would blackmail him. This preoccupation made it almost impossible for him to engage a secretary.
— Anthony Powell, What's Become of Waring
You pay for that,” he told Ian as he hopped off the hood. “You pay for that, now.”Ian and Peter ignored him, circling around the car. The passenger jumped out and ran off at a sprint, as if the very hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. The taxi driver watched him go and stamped his foot in rage. “You pay for him, too,” he yelled at the men, seething in anger.
— Rose Wynters, Delicate Devastation
you'll accomlish more with a kind word and a gun, than you will with a kind word alone.
— Al Capone
Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.
— Henry David Thoreau
I'm turning into an old man. I own four pairs of oxfords, my stories get a little long winded, and my neighbors play their music too loud.
— Christy  Hall, The Little Silkworm
She meant to write: "Is Christy here yet?"Auto Correct turned it into: "Is crazy here yet?"For once Auto Correct got it right.
— Christy  Hall, The Little Silkworm
I mean. You put puppies in a store front, I will stop and giddily stare. Every. Single. Time.
— Christy  Hall, The Little Silkworm
You know you're officially an adult when you finally understand WHY Miss Hannigan was drinking bath water.
— Christy  Hall, The Little Silkworm
Q: Best part about being a musical theatre book writer?A: Explaining what that is.
— Christy  Hall, The Little Silkworm
Just because I have shoes on is no sign that I am walking.
— Eugene Blase
If I were to be honest, I'm probably fifty percent bagel. Okay, fine, sixty percent.
— Christy  Hall, The Little Silkworm
Let me see,” Opal said.She quickly slurped up the rest of her lunch and thentook the collar. She examined it very closely. Sure enough,she could see bits of evergreen fur pinched along the buckle strap. As she looked closer, she noticed something else. Several pieces of black onyx were sewn into the back of the collar, and they started glowing.“Well look at that,” Jack said. “Somebody’s put a spider in this biscuit.
— Mark Caldwell Jones, Opal Summerfield and The Battle of Fallmoon Gap
Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
— Erma Bombeck
I can't help but think about things critically. Sometimes it can be a curse. What I wouldn't give every once in a while to be a blithering idiot skipping through life with shit in my pants like it's a goddamned party.
— Justin Halpern, I Suck at Girls
There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.
— Erma Bombeck
She would thump them both, and she would apologize to neither.
— Kristin Cashore, Graceling
You should see the murderous stares I get on the street. Though I think that has less to do with seeing a man carrying a purse and more to do with paisley. Paisley makes everyone cranky.
— Lisa Henry, The Good Boy
Learn more and Know more.
— Steve Jobs, To Infinity and Beyond!: The Story of Pixar Animation Studios
Podtyagin considers whether to take offence or not -- and decides to take offence.
— Anton Chekhov, Short Stories
While a kind man was working up the nerve to ask me on a date, I was working up the nerve to kill him with my bare hands
— Amy McAuley, Violins of Autumn
It's not a luxury if you can't do without it!
— Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong
The main difference between a lawyer and a prostitute is that a prostitute won't screw you after you're dead.
— Mark R. Jones, Wicked Charleston Volume Two: Prostitutes, Politics and Prohibition
My goal is to do something outrageous every day.
— Maggie Kuhn
Eternity is a ham and two people” (also given as “Eternity is two people and a ham") is an old quip from the days when a ham was huge—far more than two people could finish. Irma Rombauer mentions this line in her famous cookbook, The Joy of Cooking.
— Dorothy Parker
Macho and manly and stern and, oh man. Sam sighed. Guys like this were never gay. They were always the ones chasing the homos.
— Anne Tenino, Too Stupid to Live
We need to mask your scent.” If stranger words had come out of his mouth, she hadn’t heard them. But then it clicked. “The thing can smell me.”And it did get a good whiff at the house
— Aimee Duffy, Once Upon A Twist
This book is visceral like how your small intestine is visceral
— J.E. Duah
They want your sons.”“My–? But I don’t… ew!
— Deb E. Howell, Healer's Touch
Lena was going down the list of John's attributes in her mind, a list I was hoping wasn't too long. "He could see and hear and smell things I couldn't."Link inhaled deeply, then coughed. "Dude, you really need a shower.
— Kami Garcia
But Vivien wasn't being given the chance to sow her wild oats. Speaking from a point of authority, it's best to get that shit out of the way when you are young.
— Lisa Lutz, Trail of the Spellmans
Thank goodness it only lasted a minute or so.The inhalant, that is. The sex was rather longer
— Belle de Jour, Belle de Jour: Diary of an Unlikely Call Girl
Hey!” Mena exclaimed “Don’t knock Jeopardy. I love that show”“So do I” Max admitted.“I like it when I know the answers.” Logan added.Trent turned to Logan, “Dude, if you hate the show, all you had to do was say so.
— Amanda Kelly, Shifting Shadows
If all else fails, stop drop and roll..works for me..:)
— Melissa Mercer
What's more, he was going to have a full American breakfast with bacon and eggs, none of this continental bullshit.
— Gish Jen, Who's Irish?: Stories
When you fall asleep after a big lunch you're really just saving up energy to work off all the calories later on.
— Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong
If you two yentas are finished discussing Claire’s rabid who-ha, me and the boys would like to eat sometime this century.""You and 'the boys?' You just met them today. Does the Ya Ya Brotherhood already have a secret handshake and a password?" Liz joked.
— Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks
Stop crying. You're giving archangels everywhere a bad name.
— Becca Fitzpatrick, Finale
Kope!” the other guy yeled. “What the frick?! You got some cheetah blood in you or what?”“Seriously!” insisted Blake. “How did you run so fast?”“I am African.” Without taking his eyes from mine, Kopano eased himself off me, and I sat up.
— Wendy Higgins
You would more probably have gone to the guillotine,' replied Sir Tristram, depressingly matter of
— Georgette Heyer, The Talisman Ring
Do you like him? Ty asked. "Not that I care." "I do," I said, because it was true. Even though it didn't matter anymore. "Not that I care you don't care. Though you clearly do care, and I don't care about that either." "Well, I don't care that you don't care that I don't care. In fact i'm glad. Because, um, if I were seeming someone that I liked, I'd want you to be happy for me.""Are you seeing someone?" I asked, pretty sure he wasn't. "Not that I care.
— Sarah Rees Brennan, Team Human
This country would get along much better if people learned how to suffer in silence.
— Neil Gaiman, American Gods
I may not be perfect, but God knows I'm trying . . . and God knowing should count for something.
— Karen E. Quinones Miller
When a guy says,'I'll call you,' and he doesn't say when-that means he won't call you." Kit pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed a couple buttons. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I fished it out, smiling. "Madness," Kit whispered softly into his phone. "I meant I'd call you. This is me calling you.
— Sarah Rees Brennan
How bad could things be if my hair was neat?
— Jeff Lindsay, Darkly Dreaming Dexter
The thought of my mother talking to me about sex makes me want to stab my eyes out with a fork, gouge even deeper and scramble my brains to prevent the conversation from ever happening.
— Addison Moore, Ethereal
Among wilderness survival tips, punching a wild animal in the face probably isn’t on a checklist.
— Kat Kruger, The Night Has Teeth
I apply for a new job twice a week, every week. I am applying for the position of millionaire but so far my numbers haven't come up.
— Brian Randleas, Harmony
Are you on crack? Or did I take a righteous bong hit before coming here?
— Natasha Larry, The Day The World Went Orange
Charity knew she had to begin looking for a job soon. Definitely tomorrow, or the next day. Or perhaps the day after that. Charity didn't believe in procrastination. She just needed to plan her strategy. She was sound asleep on the sofa when Lady Margaret got back from London.
— Elizabeth Jane Howard
Instead of hopping around like a wild in'jun on fire, try counting from 10 backwards while hopping on one foot".
— R. Alan Woods
Sharks to not eat Chinese people because they get hungry thirty minutes later".
— R. Alan Woods
[Showing the apartment to Tiziano ]MARLEEN WALKER: “Let me alert you that animals are banned in this building.”TIZIANO CONTI: “Am I breaking the law right now?
— Merce Cardus, Deconstructing INFATUATION
I’m looking for mushrooms. Giant ones, specifically of the deadly poisonous variety.”“How come?”“Monday is Teacher Appreciation Day, and I was thinking of making a nice quiche for Miss Keener.
— P.J. Bracegirdle, Fiendish Deeds
Yes, she's bleeding to death upstairs, but I thought I'd avoid telling you right away, because I like to draw the suspense out.
— Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
Statues are too much like dolls, and dolls are creepy. You keep expecting them to blink. And the ones that smile, like this?" Eve kept her lips tight together and she curved them up. "You know they've got teeth in there. Big, sharp, shiny teeth."I didn't. But now I've got to worry about it.
— J.D. Robb, Salvation in Death
Ugly people kill people all the time. But when pretty people did, it got attention.
— Chelsea Cain, Kill You Twice
Siry answered with one simple, shattering word. "Veelox.
— D.J. MacHale, The Pilgrims of Rayne
Postmen have a legendary aura. A ring at the doorbell may inflame a sense of expectation, suspense, secrecy, hazard or even intrigue. Ringing twice may imply a warning that trouble is on the way or an appeal to make the coast clear. Not all mailmen, though, will ring twice and await an eye-catching Lana Turner, whom they can whisper: "With my brains and your looks, we could go places.” ("The postman always rings twice")
— Erik Pevernagie
All these girls swooning over hunky vampires, what they really want is to give away their freedom, to be controlled and told what to do and not have to think -- and never die, of course. It's sick is what it is. I don't want to be a forever-young living corpse.
— Dean Koontz, What the Night Knows
Alannah?” He held her limp body waiting for a response. “Don’t do this.” He put his hand over the other cut whispering his words and healing it as well. “Alannah?” His voice begged, as he held her face in his hand Still no response. He looked at the ground she had laid on realizing that she had lost a lot of blood. Then from the corner of his eye he saw the rise and fall of her chest and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. She still lives.
— B.C. Morin, Mark of the Princess
There should have been a dark whisper in the wind. Or maybe a deep chill in the bone. Something. An ethereal song only Elizabeth or I could hear. A tightness in the air. Some textbook premonition. There are misfortunes we almost expect in life—what happened to my parents, for example—and then there are other dark moments, moments of sudden violence that alter everything. There was my life before the tragedy. There is my life now. The two have very little in common.
— Harlan Coben, Tell No One
She reached for the hilt of her sword, but like a flash he drew the dagger that was at his waist and held it at her throat with his other hand pressed behind her neck.“Now, now princess, that is not the proper way to behave. I have not even threatened you,” he looked her over, “yet.
— B.C. Morin, Mark of the Princess
Koji's mouth twitched in disgust. "Who are you people?" he asked, as he had before. "You're not..." But he didn't even dare say that dangerous word-- ninja.
— Cheryl Aylward Whitesel, Blue Fingers: A Ninja's Tale
I don’t know what else to say.""There is nothing else to say. A few minutes of words can’t change years of absurdity.
— Cameron Trost, Hoffman's Creeper and Other Disturbing Tales