Loneliness and the Social Bond The Brain Sources of Sorrow and Grief
Authors: Panksepp Jaak 
Published: November 2023

One of the great mysteries of psychology is the nature of the “something” that Walt Whitman extols in his masterpiece “I Sing the Body Electric.” That subtle feeling of social presence is almost undetectable, until it is gone. We simply feel normal and comfortable when we are in the midst of friendly company, and that same feeling becomes warmer when we are among those we love deeply, especially when we have not seen them for some time. We often take these feelings, like air itself, for granted. But we should not, for when this feeling of normalcy is suddenly disrupted by the undesired loss of a lover or he unexpected death of a loved one, we find ourselves plunged into one of the deepest and most troubling emotional pains of which we, as social creatures, are capable. In everyday language, this feeling is called sorrow or grief, and it can verge on panic in its most intense and precipitous forms. At a less acute but more persistent level, the same essential feeling is called loneliness or sadness. This psychic pain informs us of the importance of those we have lost. In psychological terms, “importance” is not easy to define, but in evolutionary terms it is. We grieve most when we lose those in whom we have invested a great deal of genetic effort (our children) or those who have helped us to thrive (our parents, friends, and relatives)-in short, when we lose those with whom we have social bonds. Obviously, the loss of a parent is most acute when one is young and still dependent; the pain is less intense and protracted when a grown child loses an elderly parent. On the other hand, when adults lose a child, their genetic and emotional future is compromised forever, and their pain is as intense and lasting as that of a child who loses a nurturant caregiver. This type of psychic pain probably emerges from a brain emotional system that evolved early in the mammalian line to inform individuals about the status of their social environment and to help create our social bonds. Neuroscience is struggling to come to terms with the nature of such intrinsic brain processes, and it is becoming clear that several ancient emotional systems control our social inclinations. In the course of brain evolution, the systems that mediate separation distress emerged, in part, from preexisting pain circuits. Here we will call this neural system the PANIC circuit. It becomes aroused when young animals are separated from their social support systems. We can measure this arousal in several ways, perhaps most effectively by monitoring the separation calls young animals emit when left alone in strange new places. Since opioid systems had already evolved to modulate the intensity of physical pain, it is not surprising that these same neurochemistries can soothe the pain evoked by social isolation. As mentioned in the previous chapter (see Figure 13.5), this work was initiated by the realization that there are remarkable similarities between the dynamics of opiate addiction and social dependence. Other systems that are important in quelling this emotion are oxytocin- and prolactin-based neural activities. We now know where PANIC circuits are situated in the brain, and which neurochemistries transmit the message of distress.