Exploring Men's Experiences of the Maintenance of their Abusive Intimate Relationships: What Keeps Men Stuck?
Authors:   , Armstrong Brooke 
Published: July 2022

<p>Despite men and women experiencing similar prevalence rates of intimate partner abuse (IPA) victimisation, the abuse of men by female intimate partners is under-acknowledged. Further, the nature of this experience - including the maintenance of these abusive relationships - is under-researched. This inadequate response to men’s experiences is largely due to gender-focussed conceptualisations of IPA, whereby IPA is viewed as both a product and tool of the patriarchal foundations of many societies, which encourage men to assert and maintain their dominance over women. Due to these conceptualisations, the majority of past IPA research has been dedicated to women’s experiences of victimisation. Moreover, the majority of what is known about men’s experiences of IPA victimisation has come from quantitative research, which has provided surface-level statistics and descriptions. Recent qualitative studies have found themes related to the maintenance of these relationships. Yet, the need for an in-depth analysis of how abusive relationships where men are victimised are maintained is apparent. This qualitative study addressed this gap by exploring men’s experiences of the maintenance of their abusive intimate relationship through the analysis of 13 interviews with men in Aotearoa New Zealand who have experienced IPA victimisation from a female partner. The men were aged 36 to 66, and most were European (77%), while two were Māori, and one was Indian. Reflexive Thematic Analysis was employed using an approach that was inductive (data-focussed), semantic (addressing intended meaning), and realist (building knowledge based on directly intended meanings). Four themes were identified that spoke to the men’s experiences of the maintenance of their abusive intimate relationships. The first theme described The Skewed View of the Abuse, which consisted of five subthemes: 1) Delayed Recognition of the Abuse, 2) Ignoring the Abuse, 3) Feeling Responsible for the Abuse, 4) Justification of the Abuse, and 5) Partner’s Denying the Abuse and Passing Blame. The second theme identified, The Dilemma of Staying or Leaving, consisted of two subthemes: 1) Benefits of Staying, and 2) Negative Consequences of Leaving. The third theme described The Barriers to Help-seeking and was comprised of five subthemes: 1) Limited Support Networks, 2) Unsure Where to Disclose, 3) Reluctance to Disclose, 4) Poor Mental Health, and, 5) Feeling Helpless. The fourth and final theme, The Suboptimal Influence of Others, comprised three subthemes: 1) Passively Unhelpful People, 2) Actively Unhelpful People. The findings convey how the men’s abusive intimate relationships are maintained from their perspective and identify factors that may keep men stuck within them such as the lack of education about men’s experiences of abuse and how to leave such relationships by the men themselves, their whānau, and even professionals. The findings add to in-depth understandings of why men become stuck in abusive intimate relationships and indicate a strong need for ongoing research to identify and implement the necessary changes to policy and practice to improve early interventions for affected men.</p>