num_pages: 384
description: After a faith crisis in 2006 four years of being an atheist in order to stave off suicidal thoughts because of unworthiness I tried to come back to God and to Mormonism. After seeing excommunications of heretics increase and enduring for three years the result of the POX (policy of exclusion for same-sex married couples and their children) of November 2015 I stepped away from attendance and activity in the Mormon church in January of 2019. This book is a compilation of my essays and poetry written since then attempts to grapple with the good and bad in Mormonism now and in the past and questions about where to take my deepening belief in God now. The Empty Church Jesus is waiting for me on the porch steps. We sit for a while staring away from the doors. He holds my hand patient. Im not welcome here I say. But here you are he points out. True. I used to love it. Part of me loves it still. He nods. Sometimes I wonder if I belong too. We stare at the sunset over the Great Salt Lake Brilliant fire colors blue and red and orange. We stare at the mountains on the other end The green shading into purple then gray then black. Then I stand up. He takes my hand and we walk into the empty church. I smile at the sight of the familiar paintings. Theres Jesus in the white robe with the angels trumpeting His return. Theres Joseph Smith in the Sacred Grove. And the missionaries in warrior gear Jesus looking on. Theres Jesus with the fishermen. Lehi and Nephi with the Liahona and then on the ship. And Jesus with the children. I love those stories. I loved being the person who walked these halls Sometimes with crying babies Sometimes in tears herself As she began to feel she did not belong. We stay for a long while Until I am ready to make new stories And a new me. 
language: None
title: The Empty Church: Essays and Poetry on a Mormon Sabbatical
publisher: Front Porch Press