Special Hearings — Women's Hearings — 1997-07-28

KEDEBONI DUBE: He was threatening me.  He said if I make any noise, he would kill me, and it was at night.  During that time there were a lot of people who had been killed in that area, so I was scared that he was going to kill me.
 Even now I am relating this story, but I am not feeling safe about relating this story.

MS SEROKE: Were you a comrade in Swanieville?

KEDEBONI DUBE: No, I wasn't a comrade.

MS SEROKE: Were you not involved in politics?

KEDEBONI DUBE: No, not at all.

MS SEROKE: But these comrades didn't know you.  They only knew that you and your boyfriend were reported to have mugged the corpse of dead people.  When you arrived in this huge house and all the comrades had their girls;  these girls they were with, were they girlfriends or were they also people who had been abducted?

KEDEBONI DUBE: I think, the way I saw things, I think some of them were girlfriends and there was a huge house and each one of them was locked into different rooms.  But they didn't even want me to talk to these other girls.  They just pushed me into the other separate room and locked me there.

MS SEROKE: And your boyfriend, when he searched and looked for you until he was threatened that he'll be killed by Xhosa, when you met him, did you relate to him what they did to you?

KEDEBONI DUBE: Yes, I did relate this to him.  When he came to, he'd asked me where do you come from, because I nearly died looking for you.  And that time I cried.  I broke down.  I was very sad.
 The first thing he asked me, he said, did they not rape you?  That's the first thing he asked.  Yes, I said, they did rape me, but it was only one guy who raped me.

MS SEROKE: Did you relate this to your aunt?

KEDEBONI DUBE: No, I didn't relate this to my aunt.  The only time I started relating this was when the Truth Commission had been established.  I started relating this to the Truth Commission.
 I felt that I should talk to my mother and tell her the truth, because at home I didn't tell them anything.  I just said they had kidnapped me.  They were looking for Eric.  They didn't want to do anything to me.  They didn't harm me.

MS SEROKE: Did you not go to the doctor to report that you had been raped and that - to get a treatment?

KEDEBONI DUBE: My husband said this thing is just a disgrace, a shameful thing, just keep quiet, do not relate anything, but my boyfriend was looking for this guy, because my boyfriend is still very unhappy about the situation.
 But this guy, after raping me, he disappeared a bit.  Then my boyfriend, this is a disgrace.  We should not talk about this, because people will look at him in such disgrace that his girlfriend had been raped.
 So the only time I started relating it openly;  that's when after I had spoken to the Truth Commission and it's then that I related this to my mother, that I had been raped.

MS SEROKE: After you told your mother for the first time after the Truth Commission was in Swanieville;  what did she say?  Because you know this guy, didn't your mother say you must go and lay a charge against this boy?

KEDEBONI DUBE: She didn't talk.  She didn't say anything.  We also realised that this thing happened a long time ago.  The police would no longer take this thing up, because they're going to ask me and say why have you always been quiet.
 That's the situation as I know that they normally do that.  If the person had been raped and reported this after a long time has elapsed, they don't take it further.

MS SEROKE: Now, you've said you are sick.  When did you actually discover this?

KEDEBONI DUBE: Inkatha attacked us around June.  I discovered this round about September.

MS SEROKE: Are you getting any treatment for your illness?

KEDEBONI DUBE: Yes, I am getting treatment.

MS SEROKE: And when your boyfriend happened to - when this happened to you, was your boyfriend still with you?

KEDEBONI DUBE: Yes, we both got treatment.  We both went to Baraghwanath for treatment.  But every September I really get sick again.  Every September I become sick again.

MS SEROKE: Do you think you parted from your boyfriend, because of that, although he understood that you were raped?  Are you saying that you've parted with your boyfriend now?  What would be the reason for you having parted with your boyfriend?

KEDEBONI DUBE: At the hospital they said I will not be able to conceive a baby, because I have had this illness and he started fighting with me that I was not able to conceive and I realised that then I must cut off his fighting me, because I wasn't able to conceive.

MS SEROKE: So you were raped and after that you got sick and your boyfriend even abandoned you and he started turning against you that you are not able to conceive?

KEDEBONI DUBE: If he was the one who had this problem - he had a child, a baby with a girl next door and then he realised that the problem was with me.  That's why I was not able to conceive.  The problem was with me and that I wasn't able to conceive.

MS SEROKE: So there are three things that have really been stressful to you; that you had been raped and that even this person who you were involved with, abandoned you, because you were not able to conceive.  How do you feel about all these things?  How do they affect your life?

KEDEBONI DUBE: I think it's most painful this. I think even now I feel very ashamed and I feel very disgraced, that even the new boyfriend that I have now, will hear that I've got syphilis and other guys will run away from me.
 That is the thing that worries me most;  that if I have got a boyfriend, when I'm menstruate I must buy the muti called Imbeze so that I do not affect my partner.

MS SEROKE: Just tell me, Kedeboni, now you related this story, but you didn't relate this story to anybody.  You didn't even get any counselling.  Now, once you've spoken this to your mother;  where there any social worker who could help you, because you've spoken this with your mom?

KEDEBONI DUBE: I didn't go to a social worker, but even the sisters, I didn't tell them what was the cause of this.  When I go to the clinic, they ask me in the room.  They call me to private rooms.  They ask me, when did this thing start?
 When they ask me if I'm not naughty;   why am I getting this illness?  Is it because I'm naughty?  They said I must take the pills.  I must take the full course of the treatment.  If this thing if this thing doesn't stop, I'll end up being HIV and virtually getting AIDS.
 Most of the time I feel so sad.  I feel like taking a rope and hanging myself, but sometimes I feel maybe this thing will come to an end, because we're now attending church.  I think through the church and God this thing will come to an end.

MS SEROKE: But are you taking your treatment, because the treatment of this illness;  you must take all your treatment and finish it.

KEDEBONI DUBE: The sisters gave me the treatment last year and they said I must finish all the treatment I had been given;  then maybe this thing will - at the moment, I haven't experienced, but I think it only starts in September again, and then I start the treatment again.
 I attend the clinic.  And when you go to the clinic and tell them that this is the problem I have, they give me the treatment.  I tried to finish the treatment that the clinic gives me.

MS SEROKE: Now that you say that you attend the church;  the people in church, do you talk to them to help you with counselling and assist you and give you support so that you do not become depressed about this issue?