Special Hearings — Prison Hearings — 1997-07-21

ZAHRAH NARKEDIEN: But they did destroy me.  After three months I complained to them because I knew the regulations said that only violent prisoners, who were violent in the prison could be separated in isolation for a maximum of three months. She said no, she was not going to take me back up to where the others were because she just didn't believe that Coloureds could live together with Blacks.  No amount of convincing her used to help.  One time when she went on leave my comrades asked me to join them in a church service so I at least saw them once a week for about a half an hour.
 As soon as she returned she stopped the church services and I had a big fight with her because I wanted to go to church and she said church is just a privilege, I can't fight for it.  Even to get Bibles out of them was a major fight because as far as she was concerned I was a terrorist, I was one of the most evil and I didn't need a Bible so I had to fight until I got those things but church I couldn't get out of her.

MR DLAMINI: Zahrah give yourself time, don't rush yourself.

ZAHRAH NARKEDIEN: So I had to pay the price just for being a coloured person.  It was the first time that I had to face the fact that I was part of a minority.  Other than that I was just an African woman so even my comrades used the fact that I was not really an African in their eyes.  It was painful for them to also deny me that right to be an African woman because my parents have always taught me that my Zulu ancestors mean a lot to them so it hurt to also be tortured by your own comrades.  I understand that they were in prison longer than me and they were more disturbed than I was but I suffered unnecessarily because of this Coloured issue.  I think I should end on this isolation.  When you were asking the question earlier on about isolation I feel that the Correctional Services and the Human Rights Organisation must ensure that they visit the prisons and no prisoner other than a really violent one should be alone for more than three months.  I did complain to the Magistrates as you also asked earlier on but the were utterly uncaring.  All the Magistrates that visited us in the prisons even in the Section 29, at every prison they came there but they just took record and they did nothing so ... they should also be charged because they were just as brutal in ignoring us, taking our complaints but doing absolutely nothing.

MR DLAMINI: Zahrah if we had to benefit from your wisdom and personal experience, in order to make sure as a country that this kind of ill-treatment doesn't happen again, do you have any suggestions?

ZAHRAH NARKEDIEN: I didn't hear the last part.

MR DLAMINI: In order to make sure that this kind of abuse of human rights does not happen again, do you have any suggestions?

ZAHRAH NARKEDIEN: My suggestion is that no prisoner regardless of their crimes should ever be in isolation per say not even this Section 29 business for two weeks.  I know it serves a purpose but ultimately when it's prolonged I don't think anybody can handle it.  I'm out of prison now for more than seven or ten years but I haven't recovered and I will never recover, I know I won't, I have tried to.  The first two years after my release I tried to be normal again and the more I struggle to be normal, the more disturbed I become.  I had to accept that I was damaged, a part of my soul was eaten away as if by maggots, horrible as it sounds and I will never get it back again.

MR DLAMINI: Mr Chairman before I hand back to you I just want to for your information, mention that Mrs Narkedien has applied for amnesty in respect of the ... she touched on earlier on.   I just mention this so that if questions are being asked people are aware of that.  On a lighter note Zahrah I notice that when you were relating your traumatic experiences, it would appear that prayer and worshipping sustained you but when the Chairperson asked you to take an oath you were not comfortable.

ZAHRAH NARKEDIEN: No it's because I've converted to Islam so when I say in the name of God I get the problem of the Christian and Allah the Muslim, that is the problem.

MR DLAMINI: I was wondering whether perhaps when you were praying to God during your detentions and imprisonment God did not answer you and you had given up.

ZAHRAH NARKEDIEN: No I'm glad you mention that because I was a Catholic before so I had the rosary and I used to pray every single day throughout the day with the rosary and that was to help me not to be there physically.  As the months of isolation went I used to feel that God has abandoned me, the whole world has abandoned me, I am totally alone in this whole universe.  As winter came and even the birds went away, butterflies, there was no life other than these wardresses who brought my food three times a day,  I really felt that he had abandoned me.  One day I was sitting on my bed, I was locked up during the lunch break and we had to sew these big winter coats of the other male prisoners by hand with needles which used to poke us and make us bleed and suddenly I had this feeling that I'm really all alone so God has deserted me and I'm going to die here.  Then I had this feeling that he was sitting on the bed with me, Jesus is sitting on the bed with me.  This was a psychological feeling and from then I corrected myself and said no, he hasn't abandoned me.

MR DLAMINI: Thank you Mr Chairman can I hand over to you?

DR BORAINE: Are there any questions?  Mrs Seroke?

MRS SEROKE: Zahrah do you think that they deliberately reared those rats in that prison to terrorize you?

ZAHRAH NARKEDIEN: I don't know because I used to complain to everybody, even to the Station Commander and he would say that the other prisoners were living with it, why can't I so I wouldn't be able to say that.

MRS SEROKE: I'm amazed that you carried this for all these years.  My final question is, did you ever receive councelling after your release or presently because you say even up to now you still can't forget?

ZAHRAH NARKEDIEN: I'm a social worker by profession and I think I've been councelling myself a great deal and I am afraid to go for counselling because there's certain parts of that experience that I can't open up to anybody so I have to council myself and maybe my soul will hear.  It's not to say that I have hatred or anger, I do forgive my torturers, it's just that the kind of person I used to be I could never be again.  That's the reality I've come to terms with.

MRS SEROKE: Thank you Mr Chairperson.

DR BORAINE: Anyone else?  Tom Manthata?

THOMAS MANTHATA: Sorry my question is, having experienced this feeling of rejection as a minority, is there any way or any means that you are trying to address it where you can even tell it to us for the benefit of others.