Human Rights Violation Hearings — Durban — 1996-08-30

COMMISSIONER: On our departure one of the ANC officials - I cannot remember who it was - gave me an envelope and said to me, "Keep this as a memory of a wonderful comrade."  I have this envelope with me.  This is the envelope that was given to me, and inside this envelope was my brother's watch, my brother's bloodstained watch.  I haven't cleaned it yet.  The dried bloodstains are still on it.  Nobody knew that I had the watch with me, no member of the family.  I kept it a secret until now because I realised that it would have evoked painful memories, especially for my mother.  The time on it is 10 o'clock, and I would assume it is at night.

COMMISSIONER: The journey home was indescribably sorrowful.  My parents couldn't get over the fact that the South African Government had refused us permission to bring the body to South Africa, and that he now lay in foreign soil.  Ever since that day my parents lived in a state of depression.  My father's health gradually deteriorated, until he died of a heart attack a mere six years after my brother's death.  My mother gets frequent black-outs, and has to visit the hospital every month for pressure and other related problems.

COMMISSIONER: To aggravate matters, on our arrival home she had to endure the stigma of my brother being labelled a terrorist, not only from the white press, but also from the largely conservative Indian community, and even some of our relatives.  At that time even freedom fighters were labelled terrorists, while the SADF soldiers were lauded as heroes for protecting South Africa.

COMMISSIONER: Events after my brother's death did not create a climate of peace at home.  We were shattered to hear that Griffiths Mxenge, who was the attorney handling the Mozambican raid by the SADF was murdered.  Worse was to follow, which I am now going to briefly relate.  In 1982 we heard a one-year memorial service at St Michael's Church in Merebank for the 12 comrades who were killed in the raid.  Victoria Mxenge and Paul David of the NIC were among the guest speakers.  Before we could start the church was surrounded by riot police.  They warned us to call off the memorial service.  Victoria insisted that we go ahead.  The service was almost nearing completion when the riot police invaded the church.  The major in charge had already apparently sent for reinforcements, and the church was now surrounded by Casspirs as well.  They capsized the prayer lamps and the candles that were burning, ripped off the posters and banners that hung on the walls, and confiscated the camera and video camera that were being used to record the event.  One policeman with a loud-hailer gave us three minutes to disperse, failing which he was going to give instructions to the rest of the police, who had their machine guns ready, to fire.  This created total panic, and the congregation of  mainly Indian and black people began to flee in all directions.  The riot police only left after everyone had gone.  It wasn't long afterwards that Victoria Mxenge was also killed.

COMMISSIONER: This had a traumatic effect on the entire family.  I will briefly relate the effect it had on me, because it symbolises what - the same kind of effect it had on other members of the family.  I became bitter towards white people, and the fact that the majority of them voted for the National Party election after election.  I could never understand how they could sleep easy with an easy conscience at night knowing that black children were dying in the homelands, when black people were given the most menial jobs, and that the Government they voted for used every conceivable kind of dirty trick and brutality to suppress the legitimate resistance of black people against the oppression of apartheid.  In short I became anti-white, and this attitude was reinforced by an incident I also had when I was travelling in a train to Durban.  I had accidentally walked into a white compartment, and the white conductor came and swore at me, called me a coolie, and told me as soon as the train stops at the next station I must get into the next coach, which I had to do.

COMMISSIONER: I taught at an all-Indian school and had no white friends.  I became ecstatic whenever a black boxer knocked a white boxer down, or when the South African rugby team lost its rebel tour matches.  This anti-white obsession grew, and I would dream about burning down white businesses and farms, but it was sheer fear that prevented me from doing these things.  I then began to fantasize, and while this may seem laughable I sincerely prayed to God to make me invisible for just one day so that I could do the things I dreamed of, and when God did not comply I reduced the time to one hour, and in that one hour I was determined to go to Parliament and shoot every one cabinet minister.

COMMISSIONER: As time passed, however, I realised that this would negate everything that my brother stood for, his ideal of a non-racial, non-sexist, democratic South Africa.  I grew to realise that hate is a boomerang that circles back and hurts you.  The turning point came when I read in Martin Luther King's book called Strength to Love.  Now, I cannot remember the exact words used in the book, but it goes something like this,

COMMISSIONER: "Hate for hate multiplies hate.  Darkness

COMMISSIONER: /"cannot

COMMISSIONER: "cannot destroy darkness, only light can do that.  Hate cannot destroy hate, only love can do that."

COMMISSIONER: I also started reading books on Mahatma Gandhi.  In another book about Martin Luther King which I read - this also helped to transform my life, and I would just like to briefly refer to that.

COMMISSIONER: In January 1956 while Martin Luther King was addressing a mass meeting he received news that his house had been bombed.  A huge crowd of blacks gathered outside the devastated house, many carrying weapons and threatening the police on the scene.  Martin Luther King sensed the potential for violence, and stepped in the rubble of his house, pleaded emotionally.  "My wife and baby are all right.  I want you to go home, put down your weapons.  We cannot solve this problem with retaliatory violence.  We must love our white brothers no matter what they do to us.  We must make them know that we love them.  Jesus still cries out across the countries, "Love your enemies."  This is what we must live by.  We must meet hate with love."

COMMISSIONER: So I changed my philosophy of life.  I realised that I could not hate white people.  It dawned on me that most white people were to a large extent by-products of apartheid just as much as the freedom fighters were.  I learned also that there were many white people who sincerely hated the obnoxious system of apartheid, and that some of them had lost their lives fighting it.  I admired people like Vic Turner, Neil Aggett, Joe Slovo and Beyers Naude.  I also realised that I wasn't being true to my religion if I hated somebody.  Knowing the power of  vengeful thoughts Mahatma Gandhi had said, "Fight without malice."  This meant a great deal to me.  We have the right to fight injustice without hating the personalities or circumstances involved, and to taste the sweetness of life one must have the power to forget the past.