The Liverpool Standard, and General Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1854-12-05 00:00:00

and tarn 01

GREAT CRY, BUT LITTLE Wool
➢ianchester men raise such a cry ahou

cotton for our ears, to prevent us being fairly deafened
with the absurd noise they are continually mating about

Punch

A COUNTRY Yotni, who had returned from the eity,
was asked by his anxious father if he had been guarded in
his conduct while there ? " Oh, yes," was the reply, "I
was guarded by policemen most of the time."

BEAUTY may not be lasting—but it is precious. It
may not be worthy—but it is powerful. It may neither
ake, yet we shall fear its frowns and value its

give no]

smiles.

may be in

wise shall bow to it

ignorant, but the

There is but one antidOte to its

effects—absence.
THE PRESENT FASHION OF BONNETS. - Professor
Felton, in a speech at tie dedication of the new Normal
School, at Salem (U.S.), mentioned, on the evidence of a
medical gentleman, that, in his practice, the number of

cases of opthalmia had increased fivefold since the intro-
duction of the present fashion of bonnets, which affords no
shade to the eyes. At this point of the professor's remarks,
almost every lady present was observed to give the back
of her bonnet a sharp knock or jerk, as if to carry it
farther up on her head, in the hope of saving her eyes in
season.

AN old farmer, who feared. neither God nor man, had
hired a devout negro ; and to get some Sunday work out
of him, he would always plan a case of " necessity" on
Saturday, and on Sunday would put that point to the man's
conscience. One morning, old Sambo proved refractory ;
he would work no more on Sundays." The master then
argued with him that it was "a case of necessity; that
the Scriptures allowed a man to get out of a pit on the
Sabbath day, a beast that had fallen in." " Yes, massa,"
rejoined the black, " but not if he spend Saturday in dig-
ging de pit for de very purpose."

HOGG'S INSTRUCTOR.—The papers announce that at
Glasgow there has been a positive panic in pig iron. Our
own notion of pig iron is derived from our having seen an
iron ring suspended to the nasal organ of the pig, and we
have always had an idea that there must be a good deal
of what is called " paying through the nose" for such an
article. We can thoroughly understand a panic among
the pigs themselves with respect to the iron in question.
We presume that the money market will not be seriously
affected, for as the panic relates to iron " in the pig" the
great Jew capitalists will have had nothing to do with it.
—Punch. _ _ _

HINTS TO SCOLDING WIVES.—" And I dare say you
have scolded your wife very often, Newman," said I,
once.—Old Newman looked down, and his wife took up
the reply : " Never to signify—and if he has, I deserved
it."—" And I dare say if the truth was told, you have
scolded him quite as often."—" Nay," said the old woman,
with a beauty of kindness which the world cannot excel,
"how can a wife scold her good man who has been work-
ing for her and her little ones all the day ? It may be a
man is peevish at times, for it is he who bears the crosses
of the world; but who should make him forget them but
his own wife ? and she had best for her own sake; for
nobody can scold much when the scolding is all on one
side."—Bulwer.

FOREIGN COOKERY.—Captain Oldmixon, in his Glean- In order to escape from the murderous fire from the
inge from Piccadilly to Pera, while residing at Naples, rifles of the enemy, the regiments of Tomsk and Kolyvan,
thus remembers, in touching accents, the fleshpots of his Preceded by a train of skirmishers, also armed with rifles,
native land :—" 0 how I long for some of our own nice, formed themselves into columns of companies, and rushed
savoury, relishing dishes 1 what would I not give for a upon the enemy, supported by the battery of position No.
curry or good rump-steak and oyster sauce ? I had green 2, of the 10th brigade of artillery ; the battery of position
peas —but there is no such thing as stuffed duck ; all No, 1, of the 16th brigade ; and the light battery No. 4,
their dishes, like the French, are only pre-eminently of the 17th brigade. The chasseurs pursued the enemy
insipid ; this insipidity has crept round the coast from without stopping. The 2d battalion of the regiment of
France of late years. Thirty years ago the Italian dishes Tomsk, and the first two battalions of Kolyvan rushed
were much better; they have even banished onions and upon a battery of the enemy and spiked two of its guns.
most herbs; sage, parsley, horseradish, beetroot, not a Then the Ist and 3d battalions of the. Catherinenburg
thing left ; mock turtle, mulligatawny, white soup, or any regiment of infantry rushed in advance and upon the
right across the Kilene Balka, and carried by assault a
of our seasoned delightful soups, are unheard of. So of
any dish. Roast beef, or mutton and currant jelly, or Part of the enemy's camp, where they spiked four guns.
boiled turnips, caper-sauce, stuffed turkey or goose, any of This successful movement was stopped by the loss, almost
exquisite compared to the
our homely hashes, would
simultaneously, of Lieut.-General Soimonoff, mortally
be
messes they set before one ; and yet we travelled English wounded ; Major-General De Villebois, commander of the
continue to talk such un-English nonsense of continental 2d brigade of the 10th division of infantry ; Col. Zagos-
cookery ! Yes, it is the fashion—So-and-so has a French kine, commander of the 10th brigade of artillery, and the
cook—gives capital dinners ; now, I should say that would commanders of the regiments of Catherinenburg, Tomsk,
a
be the very reason why I would by all means avoid his and Kolyvan, which lost at the same time their comman-
table, if I cared to eat any dinner at all ; still I might ders of battalions and a great number of officers killed or
hope in this continental flood of tortured insipidities and wounded.
affectation, that some despised English dish might smoke The regiments of the brigade of Chasseurs of the 10th
on the sideboard." division of infantry, and the 2nd and 4th battalions of the
MELANCTIOLY STATE of MR. BULL'S HOUSEKEEPER. infantry regiment of Catherinenberg were obliged to de-
-It was within a few weeks of her inexplicable appear- scend to the upper part of the ravine, where there is a
ante at the head of Mr. Bull's family, that this ancient stone quarry ; a very brisk fire took place on this point.
o-
female fell into a state of somnambulism. Mr. Bull ob-
By order of Major-general Jabokritsky, the battery of psition No. 2of the 10t h brigade of artillery, and the
served her—l quote his own words—" eternally moaning
battery of position No. 1, of the 16th brigade, with the
about the House," and putting some questions to her, and light batteries Nos. 4 and 5 of the 17th brigade,
finding that her replies were mere gibberish, sent for me.
occupied a height situated behind the ravine of Kilene-
I found her on a bench in the Upper Servants' Hall, evi-
Balka, and to the right, parallel with its direction. The
dently fast asleep, (though her eyelids were open,) and
infantry Regiment of Boutyrsk was posted at the left
breathing stentoriously. After shaking her for some time flank of the battery, that of the Chasseurs of Qaglitch at
with Mr. Bull's assistance, I enquired, " Do you know
the right flank, and the first brigade of the 10 division
who you are ?" She replied, " Lord ! Abby Dean, to be of infantry remained in reserve behind the right flank.
sure 1" I said, "Do you know where you are ?" She
answered with a sort of fretful defiance, "At the head of Almost simultaneously with the attack of the 10th
Mr. Bull's establishment." I put the question, "Do you division of infantry, the Regiments of Chasseurs of Ta-
artly into columns of
know what you have to do there ?" Her reply was, " Yes companies, and preceded by two companies of the 4th
—nothing: Mr. Bull then interposed, and informed me, battalion of riflemen, and all their men armed with rifles,
with some heat, that this was the utmost satisfaction he
~, took part in the action. The movement of these troops
had been able to elicit " from the confounded old woman," took
in forcing the enemy to give way before the rapid
since she brought her boxes into the family mansion. She
attack of the right column. Afterwards, when the was smartly blistered, daily, for a considerable time.
regi-
Mustard poultices were freely applied ;and caustic was ments of the 10th division of infantry descended into the
used as a counter-irritant : setons were inserted in her ravine, those above-named also took part in the fire against
neck ; and she was trotted about, and poked, and pinched, the enemy, and the combat was warmly continued, with
alternate success. More than once the enemy was closely
almost unremittingly, by certain servants very zealous
surrounded and driven back upon his right flank, but,
in their attachment to Mr. Bull. I regret to state that
under this treatment sharply continued at intervals from having all his forces concentrated there, he resisted our
'
that period to the present, she has become worse instead attack. Towards eight o clock in the morning, after a
of better. She has now subsided into a state of constant march which presented very great obstacles, the rest of
and confirmed somnambulism, from which there is no the troops of the left column reached the steep heights—
viz.: the Regiment of Chasseurs of Okhotsk, the Infan-
human hope of her recovery. The case, being one of a
try Regiments of Yakutsk and Selinghinsk, with the
comatose nature, is chiefly interesting for its obstinacy.
batteries of position No. 3 of the 11th brigade of artillery,
Its phenomena are not generally attractive to the imagi-
and No. 1 of the 10th brigade, and eight guns of the bat-
k;nn. Indeed, lam of opinion that at no period of her
___ -sc nosition V. , % 2 or"- - ''--;_crade. I placed these

nvalided career has any moment of brilliancy irradiated tery oft _ 0.. toe 17th brig_ R.
batteries upon our left flank, at the extremity of which
;he lethargic state of this unfortunate female. Her pro-
... .. affarwarch arrived two batteries of light h..--

She will get up anc

still 8 T:
he Up;

sury,-or tike her seat on her usual bench on
• Servants' Hall, avoiding, on her way, the

During

he battle the battery of position No,
le of artillery, eight guns of the batter

2 of the

against aoors, Dili • •-•
of intellectual vigour. She will tion I\l o. 3, and the light battery No. 4of the 17th brigade,
late at night, moaning and mutter-
which had lost many men and horses, was replaced by the
light batteries Nos. 1 and 2 of the 10th brigade and No. 3
rising on her legs to complain
enemies. (The common delusion
of the 11th brigade, which remained in position until the