The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1842-05-03 00:00:00

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THE NEW LIGHT-SHIM Li '=•;,k
.41
TO THE EDITOR OF THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD.
Slit,—The Dock Committee having determined on an iron
light-ship, I hope they may be not more disappointed than
they have been in the last N.W. ship, built under the super-
intendence of the Marine Surveyor. I cannot afford time
to discuss the relative qualities between wind, cork, and
wood, with " Proselyte" or any other jack-in-the-box.
May 2, 1842. JOHN ASKEW.

ST. CATHERINE'S CHURCH, TRANMERE.—The eccle-
siastical commissioners have recommended a❑ annual grant
of £4O to be made to the s;ilary of the minister of this
church, from the funds placed at their disposal.

•
Sir Howard Diaiglas,• says the Spectator," as might have
been anticipated from several allusions to the lonian Islain.s
in his parliamentary speeches, is to appear, at the Queen's
fancy ball, in the character of Sancho, governor of Barataria."
REPRESENTATION OF BRIGHTON.—On Saturday last the
writ moved for on Friday night by Mr. Tufnell, for the
election of a burgess to serve in parliament in the room of
Mr. I. N. Wigney, was received by the returning officer,
who immediately appointed Thursday next for the nomina-
tion, and the next day for the polling. The conservatives
are in high spirits at the result of Lord Alfred Hervey's
canvass.

RIGBY WASON, ESQ.—It would be seen that a motion
was made by this gentleman last week, in the House of Com-
mons, the object of which was to restrict counsel, employed
on Election Committees, to one Committee at a time.
Thereby hangs a tale. The honourable member, for he was
then one of the representatives for Ipswich, had retained
Mr. Austin to defend his seat, which was being assailed on
the ground of bribery and corruption. Being anxious to
have his pennyworth for his penny, he insisted on Mr. Aus-
tin devoting his whole time and attention to his case, and on
Mr. Austin refusing to do so, withdrew his retainer. Tte
petitioners getting ear of this, nipped up that eminent elec-
tion lawyer to help them to unseat Mr. Wason, and to the no
small delight of all parties, they succeeded. It was, we
suppose, under the smarts of Mr. Austin's powerful talents
against him, that the ex-member for Ipswich made the motion
we have referred to.

THE LATE EARL OF MUNSTER.—The will of the late Earl
of Munster has been proved in Doctors' Commons by Lord
De Lisle, General Wyndham, and Mr. Cameron, the execu-
tors. The will refers to various family settlements, and di-
rects the residue of his lordship's property, after payment of
debts and legacies, to be laid out in the purchase of estates,
to be entailed in his family, Lady Munster taking all the
rents (except £BOO for the present earl), and to have the use
of the houses and furniture at Brighton and in Belgrave-
street rent free for her life. The personal property was sworn
under £40,000.

Friendship is a curious gentleman that makes no parade ;
the true heart dances no hornpipes on the tongue.
PROMISES.—It would be more obliging to say plainly, we
cannot do what is desired, than to amuse people with false
words, which often put them upon false measures.
READING.—It is manifest that all government of action is
to be gotten by knowledge ; and knowledge best by gather-
ing many knowledgcs, which is reading.—Sir P. Sidney.
BAD TIMES.—The New York correspondent of the Bal-
timore Chronicle says, that nobody can borrow money these
without paying six per cent. a month, and leaving the money
as collateral security,

An Irish merchant who lived in the country, but had h's
countinghouse in Dublin, having left the key of his office t
home, told his clerk one day to go for a locksmith, " for,"
says he, " Tim, I've locked my key up in the room. 1"

Said a pretty woman to a friend of ours a few days since,
" Husband has made me a present of a little bill that }Tn
owe him." Who could resist such a polite invitation to

pay up

AN ENGLISH BULL.—In the police report of a morning
paper, we find the following most palpable bull :—A blind
old man was led into court, and, on making application to
see the sitting magistrate, his request was instantly granted.

A very ugly man, who was a great horticulturist. being
found by a visitor perched up in a cherry-tree, his friend
exclaimed, " No wonder, Philip, that you have the finest
fruit in the country ; for you are not only your own gardener,
but, egad, your own scarecrow too."

Smoking is carried to such an extent in Holland, that every

inn is filled with a thick cloud of tobacco-smoke ; and whets
the waiter enters the room in search of any Dutchman who
may be wanted, he takes a pair of bellows in his bands, to
blow the smoke from the faces of the party, that he may dis-
cover the person whom he wishes to find.

AN INDIAN RETORT.—An Indian complained to a re-
tailer that the price of his liquor was too high. The latter,
in justification, said that it cost as much to keep a hogshead
of brandy as to keep a cow. The Indian replied, " May be
he drink as much water, but he no eat so much hay."
FIGHTING MEN.—At an agricultural show dinner, the late
Duke of Buccleuch presiding, a round of "fighting men"
being toasted, one giving Wellington, another Graham, a
third Hill, and so on, and when it came to an honest farmer,
he said, " gie ye Saunders Pirgivie, o' Crichton Dean,
for he's had a sair
.ficht wi' the wand a' his life, an honest
man wi' a big famity."—Cork Constitution.

A PATIENT CREDITOR.—When a popular comedian,
famous for acting Sir Francis Gripe, (off as well as on the
stage), was asked in consequence of a run of very ill luck to
wait a little for his salary—which was £6O a-week !--be
coolly took a chair, and replied, " Certainly, I'll wait till its
paid,',

VISIONARY PROVISION.—Mr. was accostedthe other
day on Merry-boys' Hill by a sleek-looking corpulent beg-
gar, who pleaded that himself and family were " pining for
food." " Indeed," said the gentleman, " you do n't look
as if you were starving." '• Ah ! Sir," was the response,
with a sigh such as those Sir John Falstaff fattened on,—
" the way I keep up my flesh is by dreaming every night that
I have the run of your worship's larder.
ASTRONOMY EXTRAORDINARY.—A short time ago
countryman being attracted by hand-bills posted on the walls
to visit the observatory on the Calton-hill, Edinburgh, ex-
pressed a desire to see the moon through the great telescope.
He accordingly ascended the steps for this purpose, but,
when viewing the planet, by some means the front of the tele-
scope shifted doWnwards. Immediately was displayed to his
view a neighbouring sign-board. In amazement he bawled.
out, " Gude preserve us 1 wonders will never cease ! Edin-
Dundee paper.

Ai in the moon I

EATING AND DRINEING.—It will take the reader by sur-
prise to be told, that in a life of sixty-five years' duration,
with a moderate daily allowance of mutton, for instance, he
will have consumed a flock of 350 sheep, and that altogether
for dinner alone; adding to his mutton a reasonable allow-
ance of potatoes and vegetables, with a pint of wine daily,
for thirty years of this period, above thirty tons of solids and
liquids must have passed through his stomach.
BORROWING.—" If you really want money," said I—
" My very excellent young friend," interrupted he, " do n't
finish it, I beseech you ; that is the very last thing in the way
of exchequer a gentleman is ever driven to—borrowing of a
friend. Heaven forbid! but even supposing the case that
one's friend has money, why, the presumption is, that he must
have borrowed it himself ; so that you are sponging upon his
injenuity, not his income : besides, why riddle one's own
ships, while there is an enemy to fight. Please to remember
the money lenders—these are the true game for a sporting
gentleman, who would rather harpoon a shark any day than
spear a salmon."—Our Mess.
A scientific horticulturist of La Cornuaile, in the Maine-
et-Loire, has discovered that blue and violet-coloured glass
promotes vegetation in a most extraordinary manner, and
that plants and conservatories or forcing-houses should be
covered with one of these colours, and not with red, yellow,
green, or white glass ; inasmuch as blue and violet glass
admits none but the chemical rays of light, while the red
passes only the caloric, and the yellow and green only the
luminous particles. The caloric and luminous particles alone,
without the chemical, he states, will kill the plants, and azote
without oxygen destroys human life. The white glass, he
adds, has no influence at all.

SINGULAR SUBJECT.—The following curious return was
made to the Commissioners of the Income Tax in the year
1801, at Shrewsbury :-
1 A. B. do declare
I have but little money to spare
I have
1 little house,
1 little maid,
2 little boys,
2 little trade,
2 little land,
2 little money at command ;
By this you see,
I have children three,
Depend on me, A. B.

ANIMAL MAGNETISM.—A cunning chap down west, who
has recently commenced delivering lectures on this science,
illustrated one of his lectures by operating upon a pig be-
longing to an old lady, long *esteemed by her neighbours as
having frequent dealings with his satanic majesty; when, to
the great delight of the audience, the animal became mesme-
rized, and, strange to relate, while in that state, made a
speech in a tongue known only to its owner, which the pro-
fessor, with the assistance of the old lady, at once commi tel
to paper, and, when translated, intends to publish it for the
benefit of the public. We understand that a great part of
the pig's remarks relates to the boundaries of the Slate of
Maine, and we have no doubt that that intricate question
may now be settled by aid of animal magnetism.—American

,apex.
THE AGE OF " PATHYS."—.TIHS is really the age of
Pathys." Homeopathy, bydropathy, and numerous other
sciences " that boast the same termination, each has hid
its day; and now springs up a new candidate for public fa_
vour—electropathy, that professes to be a " relief and cure
of nervous and painful affections, by subtraction of the (let
tric fluid," through the medium of some instrument to be
applied to the faith-abounding patient.

LUDICROUS CIRCUMSTANCE IN A C nernctr.
—Seeaking of
first impressions at church, brings to my mind a ludicrous
circumstance that happened some fifty or sixty years ago at—
church. The rector, though a man of profound learning ai,d
a great theologian, was of such eccentric habits as often to
create a doubt among the vulgar whether he was at all times
compos mentis. Having remarked for several successive
Sundays a gentleman, who was no parishioner, invariably
usurp a seat in a pew next to that in which a young widow"
lady had her sitting, he intently eyed them, and at one time
detected the gentleman slyly draw the lady's glove from oil
the back of the pew, where she was accustomed to PI"!
(her hand and arm were delicately fair), and place intk
small neatly folded note. By and bye the lady's prayer.pa,
fell—of course accidentally—from the ledge of her
ve!!_eve.
the gentleman's. He picked it up ; found a leaf turned down.
and he hastily scanned a passage, which evidentlir caused- sly pro-
smile of complacency. Our minister saw all the.nizing
eye
ceedings, and continued to watch them with sea' "
ssoon as the
for two successive Sundays. On the third,
at obsequiously
collects were read, and while the beadle Yet pastor, in
waited to attend him to the chancel, oureene
Ipublish the banns- of
a strong and distinct voice, said, " .-F the
marriage between M. and N. (deliberantoe:vv y
just cause,
rononnein, Sm..
se
names of the parties) : if any of you k
3 lady suffused with
on the widow and our gay Lotharion:e _
d with anger; she fan-
&c., &c. The eyes of the whole conte
blushes, and the gentleman crimsoned reogation were turned
opening and shutting;
the herself with vehemence, and,eece; the minister mean-
while proceeeding through
bsrefuhrmsh
the pew-door with rage andi: violence;
erfectly innocent of the agita-
eas 1 P- reached, and the service
same decorum and case
the party at the heels of the
accustofned duties with the
on Prea '
tion he had excited.
vestry
sir, Y°° 'both
to make such a
authorisedpublics-
pastor. y , .
, both in a breath. " Antho-
pastor.
" demanded they
ended, aw,,azytnoo
tion of ns ?
A den with a stare that heightened their con-
fusion. banm said he,t who authorised you ?" demanded the
fusion. ?Yes, s: i',, said the minister, with asl glance al-
.ol . don't a love of it, l'll forbid the
gentleman.
each, , , ,f. yoll PP
the
teoste for
ternately at caun,day.,, " Sir," said the lady,'' you have
had better mind your own business!'
banns "ext S already ; nobody requested you to do any
etty dear," said he, pattin
done
wait in the way of business; and
g her on the cheek,
has been all '
three publications, I advise yon,. the gentleman—" to procure the license,
if you do no
:;)i:
such
,1,,,
,i,,inhiliil titoi,
sir,"—turning
mruhrigoyai f nit:
iplerit pit
the ring, and—the fee, and then the whole Matter may he
i
settled as soon as to- morrow,"
" Well," replied the gentle-
man, addressing the widow, " with your permission, I Will
get them, and we may be married in a day or two." "Oh t
you may both do as you please," pettishly, yet nothing loath-
ingly, replied the lady. It was but a day or two after that
the license was procured the parson received his fee, the
bridegroom his bride, and, the widow, for the last time, threw
her gloves over the back of the pew ; and it was afterwards
said that all parties were satisfied with their gains.—LilerarY
Gazette,