The Liverpool Standard, and General Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1854-09-05 00:00:00

01PA.PA.IIT

witness in the presence

of a deaf judge.—Punch
AN INVARIABLE Rum3.—Let the wittiest thins
in society, there is sure to be some fool present, who, " for
the life of him, cannot see it."
WHAT Is A FRIEND ?—A friend is one who jumps down,
and puts on the drag, when he finds thatyonare going down
. ... .

be said

hill too fast. __ ... ..,
" Wax= TRAVELS FASTEST," said one friend to ano-
ther, " heat or cold ?" " Why, heat, to be sure; you can.
easily catch cold," was the reply.
ADVICE.—When you go a-fishing, be sure and "take a

)re you

for you ma

QUESTION BEFORE A. DEBATING CLUB.—The question
before the meeting is this :—" If a fellow—what is a feller
—and his gal—are about to be parted for a time—and
they propose to exchange daguerreotypes—and for that
purpose the feller goes to the daguerreotype shop—and is
to pay for having the ' picture took,' and he has only
money enough to pay for one picture in ordinary case,
and the other in magnificent case—which picture should
he put in magnificent case—his own ugly mug, or hem ?
Would it be gallant in him to put her mug in the ugly
case ? Would it be jinerous in him to put his mug in
the ugly case which she is to keep ? That's the question
before the meeting. We are open for discussion. —Ame-

A VA-LLET.—The valley here is about three
rican or.
miuncle
milts in width. Where it opens on St. Pablo Bay it is
about six miles, but it gradually contracts towards the
north. At the entrance it is an open plain, destitute of
trees, and covered with luxuriant grass; but here it as- '
Burnes a new aspect, such a one, too, as I had not before
seen in the country. It is now studded with gigantic oaks,
some of them evergreen, though not so close together as
to render it necessary to cut any away to prepare the land
for cultivation. These magnificent oaks are found some-
times in long lines, and again in dusters of twenty and
thirty, forming beautiful groves ; then again a space of
ten or twenty acres will occur without a single tree. If
this romantic valley were transferred to the older
countries of Europe, it would be taken for the domain of a
prince or nobleman. It answers to the idea one has of
the old and highly-cultivated parks of England, where
taste and money has been lavished with an unsparing
hand, through many generations. As one emerges from
or enters each grove, he involuntarily expects some vener-
able castle or mansion to appear ; or to find himself among
some secluded villages. But in the entire length of the
valley there are no houses to be found within a less dis-
tance than five miles from each other, and these too of the
most humble and unpretending character. What is singu-
lar, and to me unaccountable in the groves oflarge trees
is, that there are no young ones, none but the venerable
and full grown oaks, which, doubtless, for centuries have
held exclusive sway over this wide-spread and beautiful
domain. Nor is there any undergrowth of other trees and
shrubs. I can only account for this deficiency by attribu-
ting it to the fires since the occupation of the country by
the Spaniards ; or, by supposing that the immense herds
of cattle, which for a century past have occupied the valley,
have browsed upon the shrubs and young trees until they
destroyed them, and afterwards kept down the shoots as
they sprang up.—Bartlett's Personal Narrative. _

STIPOLEOIS I. AND lIIS HAIRDUESSEIL—The Northum-
berland was fifteen days out. We had passed Teneriffe ;
the heat was becoming oppressive. Cypriani, to cool him-
self, had asked Santini to cut his hair. While this ope-
ration was going forward in the forepart of the ship, the
Emperor, followed by General Gourgand and the Count
Las Cases, approached the scene of action. He expressed
his surprise, exclaiming, " Why, here is the old guardian
of my portfolio become a hairdresser." He then turned
to Santini, and said to him in Ajaccio patois—" When
yon have finished with him, yon will cut my hair—do yon
hear ? and have a care how you cut it." Santini, having
finished his task upon Cypriani, went to the Emperor's
cabin. It was not without painful emotion that the Cor-
sican mountaineer placed his hand upon that Imperial
head about which the mark of a recently-worn crown still
remained—upon that head in which those civilising in-
spirations had been elaborated which had altered the
aspect of Europe. It was with a trembling hand that
Santini, knowing nothing of the hairdresser's art, began
his task. He bad hardly applied the scissors when the
Emperor said, with a laugh, to General Gonrgaud, " Watch
this mountaineer, General; for, if he fail to do his work
well, we will have him thrown into the sea." Then, turn-
ing to his valet de chambre, who was carefully collecting
into a serviette the severed hair, he added—" Marchand,
look to this new hairdresser, and tell me how he gets on."
Although all this was said in a kind and playful voice, the
Emperor's words so discomposed Santini, that he cut his
master's left ear with the end of the scissors ; whereupon,
the Emperor, turning round, exclaimed in Corsican patois,
" Brigand, are yon going to cut one of my ears off ? General,
throw this rascal into the sea !"—" Sire ! Sire !" exclaimed
Santini, pretending to be alarmed, " Sire, I was not here !"
—" The Brigand was not here when he was cutting my
ear !"—" No, Sire, my mind had wandered back to Amble-
tense ; saw yon surrounded by your army, threatening the
coasts of those very English who, against the right of
nations, keep you prisoner now. Then, Sire, England
could not foresee a day like this." The Emperor sighed,
and his face assumed that deeply melancholy expression
which Gros has immortalised.—" Yon were thinking of
that, were you ?" said the Emperor seriously ; " well,
finish cutting my hair,"—and the operation was completed
without the exchange of another word. When it was
over, the Emperor made a sign for all to retire, and they
left him alone, looking sad and thoughtful. The scenes
that lay between the camp at Ambleteuse and the cabins
of the Northumberland were of a nature to make the
sternest soul dream padly....Chaulard's St.lsTelena fo the
Amiga