The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1842-08-26 00:00:00

THE CUIIIOTig GENTLEMAN.

We extract the following humorous story from the late
Mr. Gerald Griffin's "Tales of the Jury Room." The hero
of the tale is one Mr. Tibbot O'Leary, a small squire of
lonely habits, who, after receiving a fair education, devoted
himself to antiquarian speculations, the round towers of his
native country being his favourite theme. He was of a sim-
ple, eccentric, and curious disposition ; and kept only one
servant, by name Tom Nash, who was almost as odd as his
master, only a little more 'cute :

" Late on an autumn meeting, Mr. Tibbot O'Leary was
poring over his strange antiquarian stores, when the unusual
sound of a horse's hoof was heard upon the avenue. Mr.
O'Leary in his room, holding the candle in his hand, and
Tom Nash in the kitchen, at the same instant paused to
listen. What belated Wight could it be who sought so un-
frequented a place of shelter as Chore Abbey, at this lone-
some hour ? It was evident the rider was a man, and a
merry fellow too ; for as he drew near the house they could
hear him singing, at the top of his voice, a burlesque latin
version of a popular song. Both the voice and words seemed
familiar to the ear of Tibbot O'Leary, for his countenance
immediately exhibited a mingled expression of pleasure and
alarm.
" Bless me !' exclaimed the squire, it is be, sure
enough ! Was ever anything more unfortunate ? How did
he find me out here, and what shall I do with him ?'
" Unconscious of the observations which his arrival oc-
casioned within door, the horseman, instead of taking the
trouble to alight at the hall-door, continued to shout and
sing alternately, at the top of his voice What, ho ! house!
Why, house! I say ; is there any one within ?'
" In the meantime Tom Nash had made his way to the
presence of his master. The key of the hall doore, sir, if
you plaize,' Oh, Tom, I'm ruined How, sir?' This
is Mr. Geoffrey Gunn, an old college chum of mine, and the
last person in the world whom I would have find me in this
place.' Well tis easy for me to give him the cold shoulder,
or for us all to hould our tongue, an' purtind we don't hear
him, and lave him bawlin' and singin' abroad there till he's
tired. The Gunns are only a modhern stock in these parts.
The first of 'em come over ondher Queen Lizabet.' Nay,
nay, that would never answer ; I am very glad to meet him,
though I could wish there, he calls again ; run, run
and open the door !—And stay ; have you got anything for
supper?' Lashins and lavins." Very well, have it ready,
and bring it when I call.' If it be true, as some wise men
have asserted, that the more a man does the more he is able
to do, it is no less a fact, that the less a man does the less he
is inclined to do. The comparatively idle life which Tom Nash
led under his studious master had strengthened to the ut-
most a powerful natural taste for doing nothing, and ren-
dered him proportionably unfriendly to any demands upon
his labour, especially when they happened to be unforeseen
or out of course.
" ' Why, then, you're welcome, as the farmer said to the
tithe proctbo r, -he muttered, going down stairs, ' what a
charmin' voice you have this evenin'. I must go make up
your horse now, and get him a feed, and be cleanin' Your
boots an' stirrups, in place o' bein'—where I ought to be at
this time o' night—in my warm bed. An' all on account of
a roystherin' bawlin' bedlamite that —. What's wantin',
plaza your honour?' he added in an altered tone, as he opened
the door and confronted the belated horseman. Is your
master at home?' He is, plaze your honour.' Will you
tell him that his old friend Mr. Gunn is come to see him ?'
He knows it already, plaze your honour. He beard your
honour singin' on the aveny, an' he knows the voice. Tom
Nash, says he (mainin' himself,) that's Misther Geoffry
Gunn, my old friend, an' I'm very glad to meet him, says he ;
take care an' have supper ready when I call.'
" The interview between the old friends was as cordial as
might have been expected. Mr. Gunn made himself most
agreeable to Tibbot O'Leary, having, indeed, a plan of his
own in view. It was no less than to get Tibbot married, in
order by so doing, either to fulfil a whim or to oblige a friend
of the lady. Apropos of antiquities,' says Mr. Gunn, are
you acquainted with this great female antiquary who lives in
your neighbourhood ?" 'Not I. Whom do you mean ?'
Why, now, that's very odd. I have only come down to
this country to snatch a peep at the lake, during the vaca-
tion, and I know more of your neighbours than you who live
on the spot ; but then, rogue as you are, I would be a fool
to you, I warrant, if we came to question about the court of
the Ptolemies or Ramsees. But, indeed, it was accidentally
I heard of her first. She is a Miss Moriarty (a genuine west
country stock), and a very witch at the books—knows He-
brew, and can even scrawl a hyerogliphic or two of the Chal-
daic, and such things. As for Greek and Latin, she makes
no more of them than a squirrel would of cracking a nut.'
"Is it possible? How odd that I should never have heard
of her !' ' Not at all odd, my dear fellow, you were busy
about more important things. 4t is only for us ephemeral
beings to have our ears cocked for such every-day novelties.
But, indeed, you ought to know her. She lives not more
than half a mile from here, on the Kenmare-road, in a farm-
house tenanted by Mr. O'Connor, the husband of a relative,
where she has a couple of rooms filled with all the antidelu-
vian rarities in the world. You should have heard her upon
the Round Towers.' ' You don't tell me so ?" She has a
theory of her own about them. I had the full benefit of it,
for a few days since I was compelled to take shelter in the
house from a shower of rain, and had the honour and happi-
ness of hearing, during the half hour I remained, more words
I could'nt understand than I did the whole time I was in
college.'
" Geoffrey Gann deported from Mr. O'Leary's in due
course, but his words did not pass from Tibbot's memory.
On the contrary, the lady ' who had a theory about the
Round Towers' haunted his thoughts perpetually, and he
began to astonish Tom Nash by exhibiting the most unintel-
ligible spite at the continuance of good weather which the
country then enjoyed. At length, about the end of the
month, the mercury began to fall, and his master's spirits
to rise in an inverse ratio, which was exceedingly puzzling
to Nash. _ _ _

`Tom,' said his master, with a look of sprightliness and
glee, such as he had not manifested before since the visit of
Mr. Gunn—` Tom, I'm in hopes we'll have rain to-morrow.'
In hopes, masther ? I'm sure 'twould be our ruination.
Sure, 'tis to-morrow we have the praties dug in the next
field.' Hang the potatoes !' exclaimed Mr. O'Leary.
Hang the praties Mille murdher ! I never beard so foolish
a speech as that from him before. Hang the praties ! The
whole stock we have agin' the winter ! I hope them ould
books an' round towers ar'nt makin' a whirligig of his
brains,' muttered Nash, as he left the room. Wisha, we
never heard more than that any way. Hang the praties
" Early on the following morning Nash went into his
master's room, as usual, to take his clothes to brush. While
he emptied the pockets and laid the contents on the table,
Mr. O'Leary, awoke by the jingling of keys and halfpence,
turned his head and asked, ' Well, Nash,'' are we likely to
have rain ?" I never seen such a mornin', sir. The sky is
all one cloud from aist to west, an' so low that I could a'most
tetch it with my hand. I don't know from Adam what we'll
do about the praties ; the men won't be able to give half a day
with the weather—a clane loss of half-a-guinea at the laist.'
That's delightful.' Delightful !' repeated Nash involun-
tarily, looking over his shoulder with surprise. He's pur-
sewarin' in it, I see.' Nash,' said Mr. O'Leary, pulling
back his nightcap and sitting up, ' have both horses saddled
and fed ! I intend riding out immediately after breakfast.'
'lsit in the rain master ?" It is. Make haste and do as
I desire you.' Pursewarin' all through !' ejaculated Nash,
as he went out and shut the door behind him.
" Some drops were just beginning to fall as Mr. O'Leary
and his faithful squire set off upon their journey. They rode
on for something more than half a mile, at the termination
of which space the rain began to fall in torrents. Mr. O'Leary
now quickened his pace, and Nash followed his example, but
their speed did not save them from a thorough drenching.
After riding about a quarter of a mile farther, Mr. O'Leary
suddenly pulled up his horse, and said, ' Tom, isn't that the
avenue leading to Mr. O'Connor's ?" Tis, sir.' I think
we might as well turn in and ask for shelter there until this
shower passes, at all events.' The Lord be praised, he's
comin' to again,' Nash added to himself, as he alighted and
opened the gate.
" Mr. Geoffry Gunn bad prepared his friend Mr. O'Con-
nor, with whom the learned Miss Moriarty resided, for Tib-
bot O'Leary's visit, as well as its motives and probable con-
sequences. Mr. Gunn had also given a delicate hint of

OfLeary's antiquariantendencies tiiithe lady herself, and had
also insinuated a word, as if casually, about Tibbot's antipa-
thy to `false teeth and wigs.' 'When the latter gentleman ar-
rived, as related, he found Miss Moriarty to be chiefly re-
markable for a very fine head of hair. Being well pleased
with the prospect of a match for his relative, Mr. O'Connor
soon found an excuse for leaving the pair together. Tibbot
was a little confused at this proceeding, and the first. words
which he bolted out were ' P—p—pray, ma—ma'am, what
is your .opi—pi—pinion of the r—r—round towers?' I
can hardly sajr,' replied Miss Moriarty, with a degree of
ease which somewhat diminished the confusion of her visi-
tor, ' that I am satisfied with any of the theories which
have been broached upon that most interesting subject.
You are aware that mankind have in all ages been re-
markable for a love of 'the arduous, and that no pursuits
have been carried on with greater zeal, expense, and per-
severance, than those vahich held least hope of ever
yielding any profitable result ; and the most important prac-
tical discoveries in science have often been attained in the
pursuit of some visionary and unattainable end. The search
after the philosopher's stone led to the discovery of Glauber's
salts—the study of judical astrology produced those elaborate
calculations in old times which are of such importance to
the astronomer—and the desire to effect a north-west passage
conducted the voyagers of England to the magnetic pole.
Now, my theory is, that some philanthropic patron of letters
in old times, observing this disposition in his species, had
those round towers built with no other view than that they
should exercise the research and ingenuity of the learned in
succeeding ages, and by furnishing an inscrutable subject of
inquiry, perpetuate the study of Irish antiquities through all
succeeding time.' The astonishment and admiration of Mr.
O'Leary had been reaching a climax-during the delivery of
this ingenious speech, at the conclusion of which be again
sprang from his seat, and seemed about to fling himself on
his knees in an ecstacy of delight; but recollecting himself
in time, he drew back with a respectful bow, and remained
in his chair.

" Such an original theory on round towers was not to be
resisted. and so, some time after the visit, `Tom,' said Mr.
O'Leary, ' you must not put oats or potatoes into that par-
lour any more.' Why so, masther ? what hurt is it doin'
there ?' ' No matter; she mightn't like it.' ' Is it ould
Nelly, sir ?" No, your mistress.' My roissis !'
aNash,m
going dropping
married
haet t bags
iedr of
Fooa. '
For
nearly
Ye s
a;
quarter didn't Itell
ofan exclaimedy
ohtil
o ur
the master and man remained gazing on each other's coun-
tenances without uttering a syllable. At length the latter
found words to say, in a tone of the profoundest sympathy,
' The LORD preserve us, master !" Amen, Tom
Mr. O'Leary; and not another sentence was exchanged
between them upon the subject until Mrs. O'Leary, formerly
Miss Moriarty, was introduced amid rejoicings that
re-
sounded far and near, to the venerable mansion which it was
the owner's will and pleasure should thenceforth call her
mistress.
" For a considerable time after his marriage Nash observed
nothing in his demeanour or conversation of his master
which could lead him to suspect that he regretted the step
which he bad taken. Mrs. O'Leary was all that could be
wished in every respect, either by master or servant; and
indeed it surprised Nash a great deal more than he cared to
let Mr. O'Leary understand how she came to be so easily
satisfied. Matters continued in this even course until they
'received a second visit from Mr. Geoffrey Gunn, now
• Counsellor' Gunn, who, on hearing the humorous antiquary
repeat his happiness for the hundredth time, exclaimed, • I
can tell you, then, that if the ladies are curious, they some-
times know how to keep a secret. Did you hear about
Captain-and his wife?" No ; what of them ?' ' A most
extraordinary story they tell, indeed. They had been living
together in, perfect harmony, it seems, for more than twenty
his friend ;
?j,aarts, when she died, and it was for the first time discovered
nbe I exclaimed Mr. O'Leary.
she had two faces, one behind and one before."Non-
se - ' It may be so,' replied
the affair was r
As he said this, he ' I do not answer for the reality of the story.'
it be t u , said Tibbot, ' I think the worst part of
'ek eceopuilndg
not t concealed
help
observingfrom h etrhahtuhsibsawndif.e'
his mind, whiehr
looked uneasy and'
all its former forcee:
confused, and a strange doubt rushed into
time after Tibbot did
awTakend his original foible in more than
mind which had till now accompanied The conversation ended ; but for along 1
treme amiability of his helpmate retain the untroubled peace of
accompanied his steps. The ex-
but it made him uneasy to perceive
not behave towards him wiiihrleeive
had won all his confidence,
that Mrs. O'Leary did
that could an equal absence of reserve.
There was evidently somethingpreY
the more pains he took to removeeverything herd th
yearsh of ld in
the least degree interfere with her peaceg on
an
comfort,mind; and
e
more she seemed to feel it.
" At last Tibbot got a little calmed, and, after
to-
lerable happiness, Mrs. O'Leary died. Her
was signalised by a strange and solemn request made by
)
death-scene
her
to her husband. This was, that be would never ' uncover
r

her head, nor touch her head-drese after her denim 1 and I
she solemnly warned him, that be himself would be the suf-
ferer if ha neglected the admonition. The first hours of
sorrow over, Tibbot O'Leary felt his old curiosity increased
tenfold, in spite of all his real respect for the memory of his
wife. By continually recurring, and meeting at each fresh
assault a fainter resistance, it obtained at length a complete
mastery over his mind. It was in vainivb thought of Blue
Beard, and a thousand other awful war-dings of the kind. In
the throes of Isis curiosity, desiring rather to gain an accom-
plice than a counseller, he confided his agonies to Nash, and
desired his opinion. Tom at once recommended a peep,
though never so slight. But, then, her last words, Tom—
her dying wishes.' `Ay, sure, she never'll know it.'
" Well," said Mr. O'Leary, much shocked, ' I am sure
you do not consider the meaning of what you say. I wish,
indeed, she had never given such an injunction, for it is pro-
bable I never, should have thought for a moment about her
head-dress. Could I trust you, Tom, with what I suspect to
be the true cause of her injunction ?" Could you thrust
me, masther !" I believe I can. Well, then, Tom, I think
the true reason is'--he looked around, and then whispered
in horrified accents in his•ear, that my wife bad two faces.'
" Tom Nash's curiosity now grew so overpowering that he
easily surmounted his master's lingering reluctance, and,
with horror-marked countenances, the pair crept into the
room of Mrs. O'Leary, when 10--
" The reader may be disappointed, if he pleases, but truth
bids us say, that all that Tibbot O'Leary discovered on his
wife's head, was—a wig,"