The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1848-06-27 00:00:00

VARIETIES.

FIVE LORD CHANCELLORS IN A MADHOUSE.—Lord
Chancellor Sir E. Sugden upon one occasion determined
upon investigating the management of a lunatic asylum.
I Proceeded to -visit the establishment without previous
notice to Dr. Duncan, the manager. Dr. Duncan was out
When Sir Edward knocked at the door. He was received
by the keeper, but upon asking if the surgeon-general had
arrived, the keeper assured him that he would be there
°erY shortly. 6` Well," said he, " I will inspect some of
the rooms until he arrives." oh, no," he said, " the
keeper would not permit that at all."—" Then I will walk
in the garden," said Sir Edward, "till he comes." "We
`a
What," let ou go there either, si
nor," said the keeper.—
said he, " don't you kw that I am the lord
chancellor ?" " Sir," said the keeper, "we have four
More lord chancellors here already." He got into a great
fnrY, and they were beginning to think of the strait waist-
coat for him, when, fortunately, the surgeon-general came
" Has the lord chancellor arrived yet ?" said he.
The man burst out laughing at him and said, " Yes, sir,
We have him safe, but he is by far the most outrageous
Patient in the house."—O'Neill Daunt.
A LAWYER'S DODGE.—A solicitor in Wrexham had in
'vain for some time attempted to effect service of process
on a female, who occupied apartments on the second floor
13f a house at that place, and who had been playing hide
and seek, well knowing that repeated attempts had been
made to obtain admission, but, she was the other day not
a little surprised at being at last outwitted, under the fol-
lowing circumstance :—One of the clerks undertook the
task in good earnest, and immediately set his wits to work,
engaged a painter, who is at all times ready and willing to
earn a honest half-crown. The painter being made tho-
roughly acquainted with the duty he had to perform, sets
'to work improving the appearance of the window frames
(by, as he said, the direction of the landlord), not forget-
ting the window of the lady's sitting room, when unfortu-
nately an accident happened to the poor painter, who had
'carelessly upset his paint pot, which completely bespat-
tered the glass, so that he was under the necessity of ap-
:Pealing to the good lady within for the loan of a rag to
Wipe off the paint, who good naturedly complied by open-
ing the sash, when to her utter astonishment and horror
the received in exchange the dreaded copy of a writ. It is
needless to say the painter discontinued his painting, and
sneaked off with young Latitat, not a little pleased with
their success, and to receive the reward of their ingenious
contrivance.—Chester Chronicle.
CHINESE ITINERANT TRADESMEN.—In addition to the
shops, the frequented streets and populous villages are
Lsupplied with travelling trades of every kind besides; the
Lea gardens and squares are filled with astiologers, necro-
mancers, fortune-tellers, peep-shows, jugglers, Punch,
dentists, quacks, in short, all the drags on the purse to be
• found in other countries. The most-useful of these is the
Walking restaurateur. His apparatus is of the most com-
fact order, all lightly balanced on his back with one
nand, while with the other he teazes a fire, and goes from
Place to place crying his various prepared dishes, until his
Progress be arrested by some hungry traveller. His whole
•!IPParatus, which may be six feet high by nine feet long,
Is almost entirely made of bamboo. Besides the one in
Which he walks, there are two perpendicular divisions ;
on the top of that before him are the basins, plates, &c. '
then the supply of wood, below which is the fire-place
and kitchen, consisting of an iron pan, covered over by a
Loden tub, and let into light plaster-work upon the fire ;
thus he boils, stews, or fries, according to the taste of the
customer •, in the other division are the meats, vegetables,
ace, besides a quantity of gaudy chinaware, containing
the dried herbs, peppers. &c., required. For a very tri-
fling sum, the labourer can here procure a hearty meal
Without leaving his work, as the restaurateur hovers about
all places where most needed. Besides the above, are tea
!tans of the same kind, in which are kept, hot and ready,
'" various kinds of bohea for public convenience. The
itinerant barber's apparatus is complete ; the water always
boiling on a fire over his head, while in his rear, on a
Pole balanced over his shoulder, are water, basin, razors,
towels, &c. If he be in requisition, he picks out a con-
'vellient spot, shaves the head, cleans the ears and eyes,
shocracks the joints, and shampoos the body, in an incredibly
t space of time. Hair is only worn on the crown of
the head, in shape of a queue. The shaving is a matter
of necessity to the mandarin and gentleman, while scarcely
This
labourer goes more than three or four days unshorn.
trade is in constant exercise, but the death of an
emperor is a sure holiday to the barber, shaving and
131°11rning being inconsistent with each other. Tinker,
tailor, and shoemaker, each has his pack, and, basking in
utters his
plies his trade ; finishes off one job, and
litters his peculiar cry for another.—Lieutenant Forbe's
Are Years in China.
,WHAT IS TO BE DONE FOR THE PEOPLE ?—What
ile,ould be done is perfectly plain and generally acknow-
uged. You will not find ten men of sense or of reforma-
tion in Great Britain, out of the precincts of the colonial
and other government offices, who have two opinions on
the subject. To relieve the labour market in Great Britain
and Ireland, a great effort should immediately be made
t? transport some hundred thousands of the very poorest
ciass, who cannot emigrate on their own resources, to
tanada, the Cape, and Australia. Wages in the latter
country are from 4s. to ss. a day for common, 6s. and 7s.
a day for skilled labour. Ireland is the great quarter to
Which the relief should be extended : if its surplus multi-
tudes are taken off, the pressure on Great Britain will be
speedily abated. Ships of war, to lighten the cost of
transport, should be employed to transport the emigrants
as they do our regiments. Government barracks should
be established to receive the emigrants at their landing,
separate the healthy from the sick, establish the latter in
-Proper hospitals, so as to stop the spread of typhus fever,
and forward, at the public expense, the healthy and active
to the frontier. Other officers should be appointed there.
to allot them ground, find them tools, furnish them with
• aseed, or provide them with employment. This should be
done to at least three hundred thousand or four hundred
amisand emigrants annually for some years to come.
we should like to see the Chartism or Repeal mania which
• would long stand against such a course of humane, and
Withal wise and truly liberal legislation. But such great
Measures would require money. The average cost of
each emirant so transported and looked to in the colony
would beg £6 or £7 three or four hundred thousand per-
Pes so provided with the means of emigration would cost
r°lll £2 000 000 to £3 0 00 year. Granted. Could
the -
money be better bestowed? lt would not yield no
bourn, like that devoted to making good Irish roads and
d ones. It would convert three hundred thousand
rauPers annually into consumers of British manufactures
4ccii,tl amount of three or four pounds a head ;it would
11' 41,000,000 or £1,200,000 a year to the export of
o.ritish manufactures ; it would secure a durable vent for
4t. goods by plantinritish descendants in the New
ehcitld : it would spr adoy and comfort through Man-
peie.ster, Birmingham, and Glasgow, not less than Tip-
hy arY and Galway :it would extinguish—and extinguish
tio means of Christian beneficence—the flame of disaffec-
prn in the realm : it would give to our people all that
..tb_ench socialism has that is really beneficial, and save
s f
it frorn the unutterableand incalculable evils with which
and .rallght ; it would restore the balance between capital
etre indliStry, so grievously and ruinously deranged by the
ate ett of' free trade oflate years, it would go far to allevi-
.en,r e misery which the pernicious dogmas regarding.the
anehe,ncY have spread through the country. For blessings
Of 4. aS these is the issue of Exchequer-bills to the extent
gal;iWo or three millions a year for some years, an extrava-
°rice' Price to pay ? Would not five times the sum be at
• bh,borrowed by the state in a single year if war were to
inli,:out with France or America ? Are the dangers of
OA bell. War to be compared to those which must inevit-
iB,-; ncurred if the present frightful mass of pauper-
rejie:_nleness, and destitution, is allowed to continue un-
atst e 9, and to go on increasing in the country ? What
but
tleanith,*e end, b a the result of such a state of things,
al. anar
agaz ichy, foreign degradation, ultimate ruin ?
d, Mne.