The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1850-09-03 00:00:00

VARIETIES.

The sparks of calumny will be presently extinct of them-
selves, unless von blow them.
Captain Halsted, It.N., draws this distincti.m between
the screw and paddle steamer, that " whereas the one
will sail hest without her paddles, and paddle best with-
out her sails, the other will screw the fastest with her
sails, and sail the fastest with her screw."
Mr. Carlyle asking, "What thing to admire has America
ever done ?" has been thus answered by one of the Ame-
rican papers :—" She has produced a girl, deaf, dumb,
and blind (Laura Bridgeman,) who, with her own hands,
did sewing eunuch to send a barrel of flour to some of
your starving countrymen, sir !"
At the meeting of the Midland Railway Company, on
Friday week, -TNIr. Iron ides, a shareholder, during a
rather acrimonious discussion, said—" The chairman
wantad to make things pleasant. (A laugh.) The
chairman defied any one to say that he ever attempted
to make things pleasant. (Laughter.)"
SOUTHEY ON THE CURRENCY.—"I cannot but think,"
writes Southey., " that Government is altogether wrong
in abolishing small notes; they should allow of none
which have not the stamp of national credit; but without
small bills there will be a want of sufficient currency.
And as for forgery, Heaven help the wits of those who do
not perceive that for one who can forge there wig be
twenty who can coin. Peel has never recovered the cre-
dit with me which he lost by becoming a bullionist ; and
Rirmrdo's opinion I hold in so little respect, that I am
glad he has not an English name."

- A GOOD HlT.—The Morning Chronicle, in its very
amusing report of the " ministerial white-bait dinner,"
attributes the 'following to the noble and eloquent. but
somewhat rethorical, Commissioner of Woods and Forests :
—" The Earl of Carlisle said that the exhalations from
the rosoate wine, poured in libations to friendship, formed
round the social board a glittering and hallowed halo, in
which were hanged the prismatic colours of faith, hope,
and charity, and poured upon the soul en ambient atmo-
sphere of translucent light, redolent of odours, and glis-
tening with si'very dews. He was also happy to add that
the sewers were going on well."
,(Cheers.)
THEM'S UM.--" I say, captain, ' said a Pate keen-eyed
man, as he landed teem the steamer Potomac at Natchez,
" I say, captain, these here arn't all. I have left some-
thin' on board, that's a fact." " Them's all the plunder
you brought on board, anyhow." " Weil, see new,
giant it's 0 K according to list—four boxes, three cheats,
two bandboxes,: a portenanty, two hams, one part cut,
three ropes of inyans, and a teakettle ; but you see, cap-
tain, I'm dubersorne : I feel there's sotnethin' short.
Though I've counted urn over nine times, and never took
my eyes off urn while on board, there's somethin' not
right, somehow." " Well, stranger, time's up ; thorn's
all I know on ; so just fetch your wife and five children
out of the cabin, cos I'm off." "Them's um ! darn it,
them's urn ! I 1. aow'd I had forgot somethire."—Ameri-
can paper.
LANCASHIRE COTTONS.—It vri'l be seen that Bolton-
on-the-Moors was the principal place at which the ie;;cle
(by a prophetic misnomer) called cottons was produced.
Camden informs us that the Manchester cottons of his
day were in reality woollens. The name of cottons was
probably given to them from some real or fancied resem-
blance to the castians of Lombardy, or other strong cot-
ton goods, which were known in England as early as the
reign of Edward the First ; that is to say, nearly three
hundred yeors before the fine fabrics called e-licoes were
imported by the Portuguese from Culicut in India; and
probably long before the sti'l finer fabrics called muslins
(which were sometimes of cotton, sometimes of silk and
gold thread) were imported by the Genoese and Vene-
tians from Mosul, the successor of the ancient Nineveh,
on the banks of the Tigris.—Baines's History of Liver-
pool.
BEAR WITH PATIENCE.—Two Yankees were strolling
in the woods without arms in their possession, and ob-
serving a bear ascending a tree, with its large paw clasped
round the trunk, one of them ran forward and caught the
bear's paws, ore in each hand. He instantly called out
to his comrade—" Jonathan, I say go home and bring
me something as fast as you can, till I kill the varmint ;
mind, don't stay, for I'm in a fix." Jonathan ran off as
fast as be could, but was an exceedingly long time re-
turning. During the interval the bear made several des-
perate attempts to bite the hand of him who held it. At
length Jonathan Came hack. " Hollow, Jonathan, what
the deuce has kept you ?" Jonathan-replied, " Well, I'll
tell you; when at home breakfast was about ready, and I
guessed it would be as well to wait for it." " Here now,
Jonathan," said his companion, " come you and hold it,
and I'll kill the critter in a jiffy." Jonathan seized the
bear's paws, and held the animal while the other could
kill it. " Well, Jonathan, have you got hold of him ?"
" I guess I have," replied Jonathan. "Very well, hold
him fast; I guess I'll go to dinner."—New York Journal.

EXTENT AND RESOURCES OF THE UNITED STATES.—
It has been calculated that the United Sta'es have a
frontier line of 10,750 miles, a sea .coast of 5,130 miles,
sod a lake-coast of 1,160 miles. One of its rivers is twice
is long as the Danube, the largest river in Europe. The
Ohio is 600 miles longer than. the Rhine, and the noble '
ludson has a navigation in the " Empire State" 120
miles longer than the Thames. Within Louisiana are
bayous and creeks almost unknolvn, that would shame
,)y comparison the Tiber or Seine. The State of Virginia
clone is one-third larger than England. The State of
Ohio contains 3,000 square miles more than Scotland.
The harbour of New York receives the vessels that navi-
gate rivers, canals, and lakes,. to the extent of 3,000
miles, equal to the distance from America to Europe.
From the capital of Maine to the " Crescent City" is 200
miles further than from London to Constantinople—a
route that would cover England, Belgium, a pirt of
Prussia, Austria, and Turkey.—National Intelligence.
AN UNLUCKY DINNER PARTY ON A MARCII.—We had
been at table for about an hour, when a violent storm
:rose, of wind and rain, accompanied by thunder and
lightning, and the water came down in torrents. The
force of the wind was such, that in a very short space of
time after the commencement, the tent-pegs, which had
not been bushed, were forced out, and the storm-ropes
snapping, down came the tent upon us, a huge mass of
wet heavy cloth, sufficient to smother us all. Fortunately,
there was no damage done, saving the smashing of sundry
plates and glasses. The colonel, being rather slow in his
movements, consequent on an attack of the gout (to which
he was subject), could not scramble out of his chair in
time to get away, and, had I not been close to him at the
moment, I do believe the poor old gentleman would have
been suffocated ; as it happened, however, I seized hold
of his large walking-stick, and, by dint of much exertion,
contrived to raise the wet cloth from off him, until he was
able to move, and creep under the table, where he was
safe, and whither I, as well as the rest of us, took refuge.
It was indeed an amusing sight, when we had daylight,
to behold the unhappy-looking group under the table,
almost every one having his own special bottle of wine
under his arm, hugging it most affectionately ; and, when
the ruins of the tent were removed, and the prisoners in
durance vile liberated, the laugh that our awkward posi-
tion created was truly great.—Hervey's Ten Years in

THE ALLIGATORS AT VELLORE.—ThC alligators are
very dangerous creatures in the Vellore fort ditch. I
have heard of several dreadful accidents happening at
different times. I recollect one lamentable occurrence
taking place shortly before our arrival. Many of the
natives are in the habit of feeding them with live fowls,
ducks, sheep, &c., and are very careless how they venture
to the edge of the river. It so happened that an unfor-
tunate boy, while crossing the causeway, saw a large alli-
gator close by him, and having some bread in his hands,
stopped and sat down, with his feet dangling over the
side, and amused himself by throwing in pieces of bread,
which the alligator snapped up. Little did the poor
wretch know of what was coming ? Another large
monster from behind crawled up the embankment (which
was in a dilapidated state in those days, without any
water), and seizing his victim by the hinder part, plunged
back with him in his jaws. The poor little fellow shrieked
and cried in vain. A sentry on one of the bastions heard
the cry, and looking through the embrasure, beheld the
dreadful sight of the wretched boy struggling in the jaws
of his formidable destroyer, while the alligator writhed
and twisted violently, mangling his victim most horridly,
and rendering escape impossible. There was no hope--
the boy could not have been saved. The sentry called
out to the guard; hut before anybody came the monster
had disappeared with his prey, and all was still, the only
thing visible of the catastrophe being the blood stains in
the grass and discoloured state of the water. The au-
thorities have oftentimes determined upon destroying
those animals; but have been prevented doing so on ac-
count of the natives, who hold them in veneration in
consequence of their having been placed there lyy so great
a man as the tyrant Hyder.—Hervey's Ten Years in India.
GEORGE THE THIRD AND THE RUSTIC.—George 111.
was wont to visit familiarly' the original " Jack Robinson,"
the Member for Harwich and Secretary to the Treasury,
while the latter was residing at Wyke House, Sion Hill.
The King was once obliged in the chase to cross Wyke
Farm ; but on riding up to a gate, he found it locked, and
hailed a man at work close by ; the man seemed lazy, or
unwilling to do as he was bid. " Come, come, man,"
said the King, " open the gate." " Nay, ye man gang
abaci," was the answer. " Gang aboot !" replied the
King, " open the gate, man; I'm the King !" Why,
maybe," said the chap, "hut ye mun gang aboot. if ye ert
King." And sure enough the King was forced to gang
about; which in plain English means, that he was obliged
goto round nearly the whole inelosure of Osterly Park.
Whther Nimrod lost his temper or not is unrecorded,
but that he was not in at the death may be taken for
granted, without any record of the fact. Robinson came
home in the afternoon, and was told of his royal master's
disappointment, and being assured of the fact by the of-
fender himself, he instantly ordered his horses to his car-
riage, and diove post-haste to Kew. He was admitted,
as usual, without ceremony, and the King, laughing,
greeted him thus :—" Ah, Robinson, I see you are in dis-
tress; be of good cheer! I wish I had such fine fellows
in my pay as Auld gang aboot. Tell him from me that I
shall always be glad to see him." Robinson was at ease;
and Auld gang aboot very soon and very often found a
more direct path than around the palings of Osterley Park
to Kew Palace. where he always met with that kindness
which his sturdy honesty and practical good sense were
sure to meet. with, under the roof of one who himself had
so large a share of both. The King never saw friend Jack
afterwards, without inquiring affectionately after Auld
gang aboot. This worthy's name was Atkinson, from
Kirby-thore ; he was the farm-bailiff at Wyke House.—
The Worthies of Westmoreland.

SALARIES OF Aeroas."-Mr. Bunn, the ex-manager of
Drury-lane and Covent-garden Theatres, makes some
curious revelations respecting the exorbitant salaries paid
to our celebrated actors and actresses. It is difficult to
conceive upon what principle their demands are regulated.
For instance, in 1814, when Edmund Kean was putting
into the treasury of Drury-lane a nightly average of £484,
he was content to sien an agreement for three years at £B,
£9. and £lO per week, and considered that the committee
acted with singular liberality in cancelling that article and
substituting one for £2O a-night ; but at the termination
of this agreement he stipulated for, and received to the
close of his career, £5O per night ! In 1821-2, Mr.
Charles
.Young had a weekly salary of £2O at Covent-
garden, and in the following year he had a nightly one of
the same amount at Drury-lane, a scale of remuneration
according to which he was paid until his retirement from
the stage. In the very height of their popularity, such
actors as Munden, Fawcett, Quick, Edwin, Irish John-
stone had £l4 a-week ; and in January, 1812. Mathews,
the Mathews, the most extraordinary actor that ever
lived, says in a letter to Mrs. Mathews on the subject of a
proposed engagement at Covent-garden,—" Now to my
offer, which I think stupendous and magnificent, £l7 per
week." John Kemble, for acting and managing, had a
weekly salary of £36 ; Miss O'Neill's salary at the begin-
ning of her brilliant career was £l5, and never exceeded
£25 per week ; George Cook had £2) per week ; Mrs.
Jordan's salary, in the zenith of her popularity, was £3l
10s. per week ; Mr. Charles Kemble, until he became his
own manager, never had more than £2O per week ; Dow-
ton £l2, and never more than £2a per week. Up to 1822
(and during the greater part of her career to that period
she was highly attractive) Miss Stephens (the present
Dowager Countess of Essex) had £2O per week •, but in
the following season at Drury-lane she was paid at the
rate of £6O per week. In 1822, Mr. Macready had £2O
per week ; in 1832 and up to 1837 he had £3O per week,
and in 1839 he demanded and received £25 per night. In
1832, Mr. Power had £2O per week, and some time after-
wards, and until he left this coentry, he was in the receipt
of £l2O per week. In 1822, Mr. Farren had £l6 per
week, in 1832, £3O per week, and has since received £4O
per week. In 1822, Mr. Liston had £l7 per week ; he
then sprang up to £5O and £6O per week, and finally had
£2O per night. Miss Ellen Tree received, when engaged
to play at both theatres. and eventually only at one, £l5
per week ; she went to America, stayed there two seasons,
and returned to stipulate for, and receive, £25 per night.
NIAGARA SPOILED .—At Newstead Abbey, blackened
with the stains of centuries in the clays of the poet-lord,
was a far more interesting object than its present elaborate.'
renovation, so Niagara of old was greatly to be preferred
to Niagara new and disenchanted. For all this old-
fashioned still life has been grubbed up •, and in its place
we have a tall square hotel, encircled with two or three gal-
leries. and watching the Falls f:om a hundred windows.
On the pillars of these galleries we take a certain kind of
lazy interest in scanning quaint devices in pencil, original
thoughts and impressions in rhyme and prose, with many
newly-married names coupled in love-knots. names of
!off), sound sweet to the western ear, such as Adrian and
Formosa, Herman and Mariana, &c., &c. Higgs, or
Snell, or Smith, usually follows. Other such house-
monsters there are hereabouts, and more on the Ameri-
can side. Instead of the ferry that was wont to cross the
billowy current below the cataract with a freight of ladies
a state of safe consternation; we have now two shaky
bridges, one above, and the other below the Fall ;—the
impudence of the mechanism robbing us of the august
end natural. It is to be hoped that some April avalanche
of ice and trees, rushing at midnight clown the rapids,
will sweep the upper abomination into the abyss. In-
stead of the seed-royal of prepared worshippers (with a
few stragglers perhaps), the pilgrimage to the Falls is now
performed by swarming crowds of all conditions and ages
—Canadians—the sallow Carolinian and his full-blown
lady—rich people from Tennesse, Georgia, and Ohio—the
Spaniard from hot and hateful Cuba, a spectacled German
or two, and occasionally some British officials, in costume
without any ei:ing fold, and as impassible to human in-
tercourse as ice to lightning, until warmed up by their
favourite oporto. The great majority of the visitors only
slay a couple of hours, and order their horses for the next
stage before they see the show. Those who do stay a
little longer treat the patient cataract. with the same vul-
gar, prying contumelies that the public of bygone days
did the dragon when • the Cappadocian saint had slain
him. The Ariel, a little steamer, plying in the chasm for
hire, may be almost said to walk into its mouth. Seclu-
sion, that pleasant nymph, has ran away outright. You
are guided to death. No sooner has the mind acquired
the tension so indispensable to the enjoyment of the won-
derfnl scene, than a man with a bit of spar for sale breaks
up the vision ; or the atigry cries of a sulky child are
heard ; or a bundle of affectations from one of the inter-
minable streets of New York comes rushing and 'buzzing
andl effectually cuts short your ecstacies.
heard au pretty little miss call out, " it
ujohth, emastmeempa,
l
is not all as it's put in my geography-book. Where is
the promenade between the curtain and the rock? Where
are the bears and the moose struggling in the rapids, and
then swept into the abyss ? and where are the hundred
Iroquois waiting below to receive the wild beasts on their
spear-points? I am qu!te disappointed !"—and so on.
If this little lady had been present when the Indian fe-
male went over the Falls in 1820, it is hoped that she
would have been more than satisfied.—The Shoe and the
Canoe.