The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1843-12-05 00:00:00

THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD.

" Ah, thin, I'd only wish I'd be after thrying that
same."
" And why don't you ?"
" Sure, I'm too poor." And Philan heaved a prodi-
gious sigh.
" Would you like to be rich ?"
" Does a dog bark ?"

" If I make you rich, will you do as I tell ye r
" Mille murthers ! your honour ; don't be tantalizing
a poor boy."
" Indeed I'm not," said Lady C. "So listen. How
would you like to marry me ?"
" Ah, thin, my lady, I believe the King of Russia him-
self would be proud to de that same, lave alone a poor
divil like Pat Philan."

" Well, Philan, if you'll marry me to-morrow, I'll give
you one thousand pounds."
" Oh ! whilabaloo! whilabaloo! sure I'm mad, or en-
chanted by the good people," roared Pat, dancing round
the room.

" But there are conditions," says Lady C. "After the
first day of our nuptials you must never see me again, nor
claim me for your wife."
" I don't like that," says Pat, for he had been ogling
her ladyship most desperately.
" But remember Kathleen O'Reilly. With the money
I'll give you, you may go and marry her."
" That true," says he, " but, thin, the bigamy ?"
" I never appear against you," says her ladyship.
" Only remember, you must take your oath never to call
me your wife after to-morrow, and never to go telling all
the story."
" Divil a word I'll ivir say "

" Well, then," says she," there's ten pounds. Goand
buy a license, and leave the rest to me • and then she ex-
plained to him where he was to go, and where he was to
come, and all that.

The next day Pat was true to his appointment, and
found two gentlemen already with her ladyship.
" Have you got the license?" says she.
" Here it is, my lady," says he, and he gave it her.
She handed it to one of the gentlemen, who viewed it at-
tentively. Then, calling in her two servants, she turned
to the gentleman who was reading.
" Perform the ceremony," says she.
And sure enough, in ten minutes, Pat Philan was the
husband, the legal husband, of the lovely Lady C.
"That will do," says she to her new husband, as he
gave her a hearty kiss, " that will do. Now, Sir, give me
my marriage certificate." The old gentleman did so, and
bowing respectfully to the five-pound note she gave him,
he retired with his clerk ; for, sure enough, I had forgot
to tell you that he was a parson.
" Go and bring me the warden," says her ladyship to
one of her servants.

" Yes, my lady," says she ; and presently the warden
appeared.
" Will you be good enough," says Lady C., in a voice
that would call a bird off a tree, " will you be good enough
to send and fetch me a hackney coach ? I wish to leave
this prison immediately."
_ _ .

" Your ladyship forgets," replied he, " that you must
pay forty thousand pounds before I can let you go.
" I am a married woman ; you can detain my husband,
but not me." And she smiled at Philan, who began ra-
ther to dislike the appearance of things.
" Pardon me, my lady, it is well known you are single.
" I tell you I am married."
" Where's your husband ?" _ _

" There, Sir," and she pointed to the astonished bar-
ber : " there he stands. Here is my marriage certificate,
which you can peruse at your leisure. My servants yonder
were witnesses of the ceremony. Now detain me, Sir, one
instant, at your peril."
The warden was dumb-foundered, and no wonder. Poor
Philan would have spoken, but neither party would let
him. The lawyer below was consulted. The result was
evident. In half an hour Lady C. was free, and Pat
Philan, her legitimate husband, a prisoner for debt to the
amount of forty thousand pounds.
Well, Sir, for some time Pat thought he was in a dream,
and the creditors thought they were still worse. The fol-
lowing day they held a meeting, and finding how they had
been tricked, swore they'd detain poor at for ever. But
as thep well knew that he had nothing, and wouldn't feel
much shame in going through the Insolvent Court, they
made the best of a bad bargain, and let him out.

Well, you must know, about a week after this, Paddy
Philan was sitting by his little fire, and thinking over the
wonderful things he had seen, when, as sure as death, the
postman brought him a letter, (the first he had ever re-
ceived,) which he took over to a friend of his, one Ryan,
a fruit-seller, because, you see, he was no great hand at
reading writing, to decipher for him. It ran thus:—

"Go to Doneraile, marry Kathleen O'Reilly. The in-
stant the knot is tied I'll fulfil my promise of making you
comfortable for life. But, as you value your life and
liberty, never breathe a syllable of what has passed. Re-
member yon are in my power if you tell the story. The
money will be paid to you directly you inclose me your
marriage certificate. I send you fifty pounds for present
expenses."

Oh ! happy Paddy ! didn't he get drunk that same
night, and didn't he start the next day for Cork, and
didn't he marry Kathleen, and touch a thousand pounds.
By the powers he did. And, what is more, he took a cot-
tage, which perhaps you know, not a hundred miles from
Bruffin, in the county of Limerick ; and i'faix, he forgot
his first wife clean and entirely, and never told any one
but myself, under a promise of secrecy, the story of his
" Fleet Marriage."
So remember, as it's a secret, don't tell it to any one
you see.—Bentley's Miscellany.