The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1843-09-19 00:00:00

VARIETIES

When is a window like a star
Why are Dissenters like bees

'—When it is a sky-light

—Because they are in

FELINE FREAK.—A cat, at Culow, Derbyshire, lately
kittened on the top of a willow tree overhanging a deep
pond !

George Selwyn once affirmed in company that no wo-
man ever wrote a letter without a postscript. "My next
letter shall refute you," said Lady G—. Selwyn soon
after received a letter from her ladyship, when, after her
signature, stood—" P.S. Who was right now, you or I ?"

The editor of a paper at Columbus, Ohio apologises for,
the non-appearance of his paper at the regular time of
publication, by saying that he was "engaged in cowhiding
a fellow who had slandered him, and did npt get through
early enough to get out with his paper !"
Louis XI. tool: offence with a certain abbot, and wished
him to withdraw from his benefice quietly. " Nay, nay,"
said the holy man, "' my A.B. (Abbe) cost me two and
forty years to get. Does his Majesty think lam to learn
the next two letters in less time ? "—C.D.—cede—i. e
give up.

HAPPINESS.—An eminent modern writer beautifully
says—" The foundation of domestic happiness is faith in
the virtue of woman. The foundation of political happi-
ness—a confidence of the integrity of man. The founda-
tion of all happiness, temporal and eternal—reliance on
the goodness of God."

THE FIRST OF SEPTEMBER.—Left his house, a gen-
tleman from the neighbourhood of Bow Church, Cheap-
side. Had on, when he left, a gambroon shooting jacket,
cord breeches, and gaiters. He quitted his residence
early on the Ist of September, with a double-barrelled
gun and a spaniel, and has been missing ever since.—
Punch.

The most trifling actions that affect a man's credit are
to be regarded. The sound of your hammer a five in the
morning, or nine at night, heard by a creditor, makes
him easy six months longer; but if he sees you at a bil-
liard table, or hears your voice at a tavern when you
should be at work, he sends for his money the next day.
—Franklin.

JACK KETCH.—The soubriquet of the common hang-
man is, perhaps, not generally known to have been derived
from Sir Richard Jaquett, of whom no other memorial
exists, but an almost illegible deed of the reign of Ed-
ward VI., wherein he is appointed Lord of the Manor of
Tyburne, with its appurtenances, including the gallows.
It is to a corruption of Jaquett that antiquaries attribute
Jack Ketch.

FRENCH ACCURACY.—The French papers never take
pains to translate a paragraph from the English Journals
correctly; and, as to the names, one would imagine it
would be easy enough to copy them correctly, yet every
journal in Paris, giving an account of the fire in Feller-
lane, says, " There was a dearth of engines, they being
employed at other fires at Stratford, Shaw's -field, Pud-
dina Ham, Heunsditck, and Lighe-sir eel.".
THR R& NCH COURT.—The youthful Duke de Mont-
pensier, so remarleshle for his PLICy sfirshilitv. is extremely
popular wherever he goes. The other day, at a large
dinner, be perpetrated a somewhat audacious joke. The
sale of tobacco is monopolised by the Government, which
sells at a dear rate what is often none of the best. Th
prince, offering a cigar to one of his guests, said, " You
may be certain they are excellent, for they are smuggled !"

ENGLISH GENTLEMEN.—I do not know a finer race of
men than the English gentlemen. Instead of the softness
and effeminacy which characterise the man of rank in
most countries, they exhibit a union of elegance and
strength, a robustness of frame, and freshness of com-
plexion, which I attribute to their living so much in the
open air, and pursuing so eagerly the invigorating recrea-
tions of the country.— Washington Irving.
THE INTELLECTUALITY OF EATING.—" A man, sir,"
observed the sage, " who gabbles at his dinner, may be
said to swallow, not to eat. Eating, sir, is as much a
mental, nay more than a physical task. There is, sir, a
wonderful sympathy between the brain and the palate,
Talk destroys the exquisite harmony between them. All
the nobler functions of the soul should be present during
every mouthful ; and so sublimating it, the wise man eats
with his brain, the fool with his mouth.
"THREE ENGLISH WOMEN FOR A FARTHING."—A
droll scene took place yesterday at Paris, in the middle of
the Rue Rivoli. We have a a species of pear, which is, I
suppose, imported from England originally, and hence it
is so called; but as the general term of the pear is femi-
nine, it, to an untaught ear, descries one of the milder
and better portion of the creation; hence when an un-
fortunate vender of pears, was roaring in the most
fashionable part of Paris, " Trois Anglaises pour deux
liards," one of our countrymen, who happened to be pas-
sing at the moment with his wife and two daughters, ig-
norant of the nomenclature of the pears imagined that the
cry was intended for his family, and immediately knocked
the poor pear vender down, to the latter's great surprise.
When, however, the matter was explained to our compa-
triot, he, rather than be had up for an assault before the
police correctionelle, satisfied the man in a way which
probably induces him to regret that he so seldom has the
chance of meeting a regular John Bull with three ladies,
when he is crying out " Three English women for a farth-
ing, six for a sous."—Paris paper.

POISONED BY BRANDY.—On Sunday, says the Mani-
tear Parisien, a journeyman mason, aged 21, fell a victim
to intemperance, having drunk with one of his comrades
five quarts of brandy the evening before.

FRENCH FLEET 1$ CHINA.—The French vessels of
war in the Chinese seas are, says the Constitutionnel, the
Cleopatre frigate, of 52 guns, the Syren, of 52 guns, the
Sabine corvette, of 30 guns, the Alcmene, and the Victo-
rieuse corvette, of 24 guns.

A BOY SHOT.—On the 6th instant, whilst a detach-
ment of the 55th regiment of the line were firing at a
target, near Calais, a lad, sixteen years of age, who, with
other boys, was amusing himself in picking up the balls,
advanced too close to the target, and was killed on the
spot, the bullet entering his side, and passing through
his heart.
A Carmelite nun died on the 27th ult. at Placencial
(Spain,) aged 108. She lived in the reigns of Philip V.,
Ferdinand VI, Charles 111, Charles IV, and: Ferdinand
VII. She also witnessed the reigns of nine Popes—Cle-
ment XII, Benedict XIV, Clement XIII, Clement XIV,
Pius VI, Pius VII, Leo XII, Pius VIII, and Gregory
XIN. She was 79 years in the cloister.

HANOVER, SEPT. B.—The King has returned from
London in such excellent health, that, after performing
the whole journey very rapidly, and without stopping by
the way, he was able, a few hours after his arrival, to re-
ceive the Archduke Stephen and a select company at
dinner, and in the evening numerous visitors at the palace,
while the magistrates welcomed his Majesty with a serenade
by torchlight. His Majesty received a deputation of the
magistrates, and repeated his assurance that his sole ob-
ject was to promote the whelfare of the country, and also
that all pas differences should be forgotten.
THE INDIAN MAILS.—At the present time, when the
non-arrival of the Indian Mail has caused considerable
anxiety in the public mind, some remarks by Mr. Ander-
son, of the Oriental steam company, on the political po-
litical position of the transit through Egypt, are peculiarly
opportune. These remarks are contained in a small pam-
phlet, printed for private circulation. .1% r. An lerson calls
attention to the precarious condition in IA Lich the condi-
tion in which the continuance of our event

land route depends. The advantages which thL t route
presents over the navigation of the Cape are so great, , ad
the public are now become so completely used to them,
that they have become matters of necessity. The English
public could not afford to lose that route, and yet to the
good-will of one aged man can they alone look for its
maintenance, and for protection, while they avail them-
selves of the transit. To make such an arrangement as
would convert the continuance of a safe transit into a
right, not depending on the good-will of any person,
but binding on the official character of the Pasha, is filo
object of Mr. Anderson's remarks. As long as there is
favour on one side and no consideration on the other, a
sound basis is impossible. Hence, he considers a fair and
liberal proposal to the Pasha, offering to pay part of the
expenses, would be the means of changing a contingency
into a certainty. and such a nrooosal might lead to an ar-