The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1848-06-27 00:00:00

lane 27, 184 S.

Etteraturt.

VARIETIES.

"Adam," said a gouty gentleman to a tricky son, "I
would be on the eve to cane you, were I able."
ehe imperfection of the English language is exhibited
lctt we state that the black berry is red when it is preen.
, He that is good may
w hope
become worse ; for vice, virtue,
and time never stand still.
• "A
fine gold lady's breast pin," is advertised as lost
I:1h an American paper. A bachelor makes the inquiry if
She is a single " gold lady," and is willing to be changed.
On auctioneer advertised on the walls, for public sale,
sundry silk dresses, merinos, &c., winding up with
artoueiebleostt!euiotb
of rum,
for ladies.umo,onebottle of whisky, and several other
TrIR RULING PASSION."—On his death-bed a dis-
,,aguished humorist requested that no one might be in-
matt . to his funeral, " because," gasped out the dying
n civility I can never repay."
tr.& Scottish turnpikeman who had been up to London
itthe first time as a railway witness, was asked on his
te'",lll what he admired most in the great city. The
nak was on the " nothing like leather" principle. " Od,
P,," said he, " it was yon gate beside the Duke o'
e'lington's house; it's the finest place for a toll-bar I
.17er saw.
Mends
FOR TAT.—The Marquis of Waterford and some
4iends one day took their places in the fourth class car-
!age of a railway. To punish such doings, the railway
ple hired a couple of sweeps, all covered with soot,
'fir Put them in beside them. At the next station, the
them bouht first-class tickets for the sweeps, and put
in to adorn the silk and leather-covered seats.
vtiel.lll.sn SHREWDNESS.—A few days ago a countryman
11.3131„11heithnt: the Cavan Bank, and requested gold for some
- Bank of Ireland notes he bad. The clerk declined, sta-
Y gave gold for no notes but their own.
clerk
11, then," says Mick, " will you give me Cavan
cwieeaircarntdhe Bank of Ireland ?" " Certainly," said the
the exchange was made forthwith. Mick
and
nite:uetx,,a.sb7t in the course of two minutes returned,
allng down the notes of the Cavan Bank on the
Av_ m'cke
went
my man, I have you now
sad dmoef:Ldr—th"imßynodtaeds.'" It could not be refused,
banker.his way, boasting how he had done the
THE SABBATH.—" God blessed the Sabbath." The
benediction not only denoted His delight in it, but His
tiamation of it to do good. It was blessed to be made
"sing. It was a boon to man—not for a man of par-
ti
elliar circumstances, and classes, and climates—but for
Pneric universal man. It is as much to each as to all.
It, is the charter of poverty, the shield of helplessness.
is the bow of promise, the anchor of hope. Its ray
Pierces the prison, and lightens the sullen brow of guilt ;
It enters the dwelling of desolation, and draws the widow's
age to heaven. It is the best advantage and immunity of
14511. It is the respite of toil, the lull of strife, the down
i_i3f weariness, the balm of woe. What has tended to pro-
long life, to raise civilization, to refine character, to excite
Lefiection, to bind society, to cheer labour, to honour
trtiia.reellitogiirosen,p,ress exaction, to quicken liberty, to consoli-
dateinal blessing breathes around it
?a
delight."
lhi gehotl.l
IVE LORD CHANCELLORS IN A MADHOUSE.—Lord
upon
Sir E. Sugden upon one occasion determined
enn investigating the management of a lunatic asylum.
Proceeded,l to visit the establishment without previous
thento Dr. Duncan, the manager. Dr. Duncan was out
Ben Sir Edward knocked at the door. He was received
,/ the keeper, but upon asking if the surgeon-general had
,e'"'",l, the keeper assured him that he would be there
uell, shortly. " Well," said he, " I will inspect some of
keeper e rooms until he arrives." " Oh, no," he said, " the
iiit would not permit that at all."—" Then I will walk
ae garden" said Sir Edward, "till he comes." "We
nnot let you go there either, sir," said the
ehatancekeeper.—
," said he, '
"don't you know that I am the lord
blllor Sir, " said the keeper, " we have four
i(r);e lord chancellors here already." He got into a great
eo ' and they were beginning to think of the strait waist-
at for him, when, fortunately, the surgeon-general came
Wile " Has the lord chancellor arrived yet ?" said he.
%alan burst out laughing at him and said, " Yes, sir,
e-ave him safe, but he is by far the most outrageous
patient in the house."—O'Neill Daunt.
o:4" LAWYER'S DODGE.—A solicitor in Wrexham had in
oain for some time attempted to effect service of process
olfl' a female, who occupied apartments on the second floor
mhouse at that place, and who had been playing hide
ad seek, well knowing that repeated attempts had been
e to obtain admission, but, she was the other day not
l little surprised at being at last outwitted, under the fol-
r„„°wl,..l!g circumstance :—One of the clerks undertook the
e` In good earnest, and immediately set his wits to work,
ngaged a painter, who is at all times ready and willing to
to a honest half-crown. The painter being made tho-
:ughlY acquainted with the duty he had to perform, sets
n. work improving the appearance of the window frames
‘,.37, as he said, the direction of the landlord), not forget-
" Rag the window of the lady's sitting room, when unfortu-
nately an accident happened to the poor painter, who had
relessly upset his paint pot, which completely bespat-
%red the glass, so that he was under the necessity of ap-
Pealing to the good lady within for the loan of a rag to
Pe off the paint, who good naturedly complied by open-
',°,l_4 the sash, when to her utter astonishment and horror
received in exchange the dreaded copy of a writ. It is
needless to say the painter discontinued his painting, and
their off with young Latitat, not a little pleased with
ellk' success, and to receive the reward of their ingenious
"untrivance— Chester Chronicle.
e,„
till, -"NESE ITINERANT TRADESMEN.—Tn addition to the
54 Ps, the frequented streets and populous villages
are
tell)Plied with travelling trades of every kind besides; the
gardens and squares are filled with astrologers, necro-
d ancers, fortune-tellers, peep-shows, jugglers, Punch,
fentists, quacks, in short, all the drags on the purse to be
Zat.a in other countries. The most useful of these is the
t-mng restaurateur. His apparatus is of the most com-
aet order, all lightly balanced on his back with one
)4", while with the other he teazes a fire, and goes from
I,,,ace to place crying his various prepared dishes, until his
tu°tress be arrested by some hungry traveller. His whole
tc.,Paratus, which may be six feet high by nine feet long,
whllinost entirely made of bamboo. Besides the one in
4411,11 he walks, there are two perpendicular divisions ;
th "Re top of that before him are the basins, plates, &c. '
and the supply of wood, below which is the fire-place
Igoq kitchen, consisting of an iron pan, covered over by a
th (!.den tub, and let into light plaster-work upon the fire ;
he boils, stews, or fries, according to the taste of the
Lerner ; in the other division are the meats, vegetables,
the., besides a quantity of gaudy chinaware, containing
it: dried herbs, peppers, &c., required. For a very tri-
vd„g sum, the labourer can here procure a hearty meal
gew_outgl leaving his work, as the restaurateur hovers about
ees where most needed. Besides the above, are tea
th_ of the same kind, in which are kept, hot and ready,
tte various kinds of bohea for public convenience. The
oinile.rant barber's apparatus is complete ; the water always
in nn a fire over his head, while in his rear, on a
toleto balanced over his shoulderwels, are water, basin, razors,
venipnt &e. If he be in requisition, he picks out a con-
s Pot, shaves the head, cleans the ears and eyes,
11110 .S the joints, and shampoos the body, in an incredibly
ther,t sPace of time. Hair is only worn on the crown of
01 aead, in shape of a queue. The shaving is a matter
necessity to the mandarin and gentleman while scarcely
TObeurer goes more than three or four 'days unshorn.
e,is trade is in constant exercise, but the death of an
lurrik`nPeror is a sure holiday to the barber, shaving and
ing being inconsistent with each other. Tinker,
'4', and shoemaker, each has his pack, and, basking in
Iltr4rs
411 Y spot, plies his trade ; finishes off one job, and
eve rears e
1,6 peculiar cry for another.—Lieutenant Forbe's
in China.
W
8110,.., Rkr IS TO BE DONE FOR THE PEOPLE ?—What
ledni be done is perfectly plain and generally acknow-
tint.". You will not find ten men of sense or of informs-
Great Britain, out of the precincts of the colonial
the Other government offices, who have two opinions on
,I„,Snhject. To relieve the labour market in Great Britain
1.0 Ireland, a great effort should immediately be made
cl'aiLsransport some hundred thousands of the very poorest
Canada,
, who cannot emigrate on their own resources, to
onincla, the Cape, and Australia. Wages in the latter
Iltry are from 4s. to ss. a day for common, 6s. and 7s.
for skilled labour. Ireland is the great quarter to
Oleh the relief should be extended : if its surplus multi-
es are taken off, the pressure on Great Britain will be
„mu
transport,
abated. Ships of war, to lighten the cost of
should be employed to transport the emigrants
ti they do our regiments. Government barracks should
e established to receive the emigrants at their landing,
. ,eParate the healthy from the sick, establish the latter in
:',l.°Per hospitals, so as to stop the spread of typhus fever,
tiold forward, at the public expense, the healthy and active
hs the frontier. Other officers should be appointed there
allot them ground, find them tools, furnish them with
doe, or provide them with employment. This should be
rho lte to at least three hundred thousand or four hundred
asand should emigrants annually for some years to come.
mw,, like to seethe Chartism or Repeal mania which
leug stand against such a course of humane, and
al wise and truly liberal legislation. But such great
ettures would require money. The average cost of
locnoeinigrant so transported and looked to in the colony
sorts' be £6 or £7 ; three or four hundred thousand per-
frotts° Provided with the means of emigration would cost
the n,&'2,000000 to £3,000,000 a year. Granted. Could
l'etu-°fleY be better bestowed ? It would not yield no
tarirn,,, like that devoted to making good Irish roads and
Par,unes. It would convert three hundred thousand
' tilers annually into consumers of British manufactures
British
s.",areount of three or four pounds a head ; it would
15titrosli°00,000 or £1,200,000 a year to the export of
nOir "" tnanufactures • it would secure a durable vent for
Worf,,°.°d.s by planting British descendants in the New
elltst.• it would spread joy and comfort through Man-
peraryel., Birmingham, and Glasgow, not less than Tip-
F°pineaa„ Galway :it would extinguish—and extinguish
11 'l,a, of Christian beneficence—the flame of disaffec-
v.seueh the realm : it would give to our people all that
it ulfroaneialism has that is really beneficial, and stsve
fra,lll,the unutterableand incalculable evils with which
e*"4 ; it would restore the balance between capital
4i'eets (PY, so grievously and ruinously deranged by the
„e he °f trade of late years, it would go far to allevi-
;!l'ren-,„lll,lserY which the pernicious dogmas regarding the
,2„eave spread through the country. For blessings
.:14,(7,Lnese is the issue of Exchequer-bills to the extent
?I' three millions a year for some years, an extrava-
lnlee ree
o pay ? Would not five times the sum be at
0„, Wed by the state in a single year if war were to
aall ny suchn with France or America ? Are the dangers of
be. war to be compared to those which must inevit-
'4, id, Incurred if the present frightful mass of pauper-
seli ,eness
eVed and destitution, is allowed to continue un-
i•i_nst, the to go on increasing in the country ? What
int:t_ln. end, be the result of such a state of thins,
v(aekt(7,} anarchy, foreign degradation, ultimate ruin?
vy'l Naazine.