The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1833-01-18 00:00:00

V4IIIETIES.

PARLIAMENTARY DIFFERENCE.—"The only difference be-
tween Dan O'Connell and Gully in Parliament," said a wag,
"is, that Gully is a Peel-er, and Dan a Re-pealer."—Literary
Gazette.
NEAL MALONE, A 'RALE' IRISH TAlLOR.—Though a tailor,
and only four feet in height, Neal Malone was descended from
a fighting family, who had signalized themselves in as many
battles as ever any single hero of antiquity fought. His father,
his grandfather, and his great-grandfather' were all fighting
men, and his ancestors in -general, up, probably, to Con of the
Hundred Battles himself. No wonder, therefore, that Neal's
blood should cry against the cowardice of his calling; no won-
der that he should.be an epitome of all that was valorous and
heroic in a peaceable man, for we neglected to inform the reader
that Neal, though 'bearing no base mind,' never fought any
-man in his own person. That, however, deducted nothing from
his courage. If he did not fight, it was simply because he
found cowardice universal. No man would 'engage him; his
spirit blazed in vain ; his thirst for battle was doomed to remain
unquenched, except by whiskey, and this only increased it. In
short, he could find no foe. He has often been known to chal-
lenge the first cudgel players and pugilists of the parish; to
provoke men of fourteen stone weight ; and to bid mortade-
fiance to .faction heroes of all grades—but in vain. * * *
real saw all this with lofty indignation; he deplored the dege-
neracy of the times, and thought it hard that the descendant of
such a family should - be doomed to pass through life peaceably,
whilst so many excellent rows and riots took place.around him.
It Was a calamity to see every man's head broken but his own ;
a dismal thing to observe his neighbours go about with their
bones in bandages, .yet his untouched; and his friends beat
black and blue, whilst his cuticle remained undiscoloured.--
Blur-an'-agers !' exclaimed Neal one day, when half-tipsy in
the fair, 'am I never' to get a bit of fightin' ! Is there no cow-
ardly spalpeen to stand afore Neal Malone ? Be this and be
that, I'er blue moulded for want of a batini / disgracite my
relations by the life I'm ladin r! Will none o' yees fight me
aither for love, money, or whiskey? frind orinimy, and bad luck
to yecs? I don't care a traneen which, only nut o' pure frind-
ship let us have a morsel o' the rale kick up 'tany rate. Frind
or inim.y, I say agin, if you regard me ; sure that makes no
differ, only let us have the fight.' '---Dublin University Review,
No. 1.

SINGULAR ANECDOTE OP A DOG.—The enemy then pro-
ceeded with the operations against Fort Antonia. On the night
of the .sth, as the English officers on guard were sitting toge-
ther in a circle, with a large dog asleep in the centre, one of the
enemy's shell's falling upon the animal, his: blood extinguished
the fusee, and saved them all from destruction.--Mackinnon's
Coldstream Guards.

Ax OBSERVER.—" It's very strange," said the coachman,
looking at me over his left shoulder, "I never see it afore_
But I've made three observations through life." Now an ex-
perienced picker-up, in a progress of some three hundred thou-
sand miles, is not to be slighted, so I leaned with my best ear
aver the coachman's shoulder, in order to catch every syllable.
" I have sat on the box, man and boy," said Bat, 'looking
straight a-head between his leaders, "a matter of full thirty
years, and that's more, never missing a day barring the Friday
I was married, and one of my remarks is, I never .see a sailor
in top hoots." "Now I think of it, Bat," said I, a little dis-
concerted at my. windfall from the tree of knowledge, "I have
had some experience in travelling myself, and certainly do not
remember such a phenomenon.'l I'll take 'my oath you
havn't," said Bat, giving the leader a little twitch of self-satis-
faction, "I once (lily the Phenomenon myself. There's no
such thing in nature. And I'll tell you another remarkable
remark I've made through life, I never yet see a Jew pedlar
with a Newfoundland dog." "As for that, Bat," said I, per-
haps willing to retort upon him a little of my own disappoint-
ment, "though I cannot call to mind, I will not undertake to
say, I have never met with such an association." " Atayhap,"
said Bat, "you've never seen the other thing I've observed
through life, I never observed a black man driving a long
stage." "Never, Bat, never, in the whole course of my stage
practice." "And no one else has ever seen it," said Bat.—
Hood's Comic Annual,

COWPER was of the middle stature; he had a fine, open, and
expressive countenance; that indicated much thoughtfulness,
and almost excessive sensibility. His eyes were more remark-
able for the expression of tenderness than of penetration. The
general expression of his countenance partook of that sedate
cheerfulness, which so strikingly characterizes all his original
productions, and which never failed to impart a peculiar charm
to his conversation. His limbs were more remarkable for
strength than for delicacy of form. He possessed a warm tem-
perament; and he says a himself, in a letter to his cousin, Mrs.
Bodham, dated Feb. 27, 1790, that he was naturally " some-
what irritable," but, if he was, his religious principle had so
subdued that tendency, that a near relation, who was inti-
mately acquainted with him the last ten years of his life, never
saw his temper ruffled in a single instance. His manners were
generally somewhat shy and reserved, particularly to strangers;
when, however, he was in perfect health, and in such society as
was quite congenial to his taste, they were perfectly free and
unembarrassed; his conversation was unrestrained and cheer-
ful, and his whole deportment was the most polite and graceful,
especially to females, to whom he conducted himself, on all
occasions, with the strictest delicacy and propriety. Much as
Cowper was admired by those who knew him only as a writer,
or as an occasional correspondent, he was infinitely more
esteemed by his more intimate friends ; indeed, the more inti-
mately he was known, the more he was beloved and revered.
Nor was this affectionate attachment so much the result of his
brilliant talents, as it was of the real goodness of his disposi-
tion, and gentleness of his conduct.—Taylor's Lfle of William
Cowper.
ANECDOTE OF NAPOLEON.—There are but two ways for a ge-
neral to reconnoitre ; one, with a portion of his army so large,
that the enemy cannot distinguish between a reconnoisance and
the preparation for actual attack; and the other, so unattended,
as to be altogether unsuspected, if not unseen. Napoleon
would take ten thousand men to a reconnoisance, or but one;
the latter was his usual mode. He left his staff and escort
under the cover of some village or thicket, and went out with
an officer, both wrapt in their cloaks, and at a little distance,
undistinguishable from the peasants. At Dresden, while the
allied armies were in the neighbourhood, he was up at day-
break, toiling like a captain of engineers. While the staff
'were constructing a bridge in place of the one burnt by the
Russians, he took his stand beside a building which had served
for a depot of ammunition. The Russian fire was drawn upon
this point, and a shell had nearly closed the campaign ; it burst
over the spot where he stood, struck the side of the building,
and dashed a large, fragment of wood or stone at his feet.
While all around him were alarmed at his hazard, he coolly
turned the fragment over, and observed, " A few inches nearer,
and it would have done its business!" At the close of the
battle of Lutzen, Napoleon was in the most imminent danger
of being killed or taken. The Prussian brigade of cavalry,
which rushed forward so unexpectedly, after night fall, and
when the engagement seemed to be entirely over, threw the very
battalions among which he was riding, at the moment, into
great confusion. They, however, formed into squares, which,
in the darkness, fired in all directions, without knowing at
what they were firing. His suite all dispersed, equally to avoid
the Prussians and their own men. The firing and the gallop-
ing continued in the meantime, and the Emperor was nowhere
to be found. If the Prussians had followed up their charge,
they might have taken him and half the general officers of his
army.—The Year of Liberation.
BENGAL MARRIAGES.—Few opinions can be more erroneous
than those which prevail in Europe upon the subject of Indian
marriages. According to the popular idea, a young lady visit-
ing the Hon. Company's territories is destined to be sacrificed
to some old, dingy, rich, bilious nawaub, or, as he is styled on
this side of the Atlantic, " nabob," a class of persons unfortu-
nately exceedingly rare; ancient subjects devoted to the in-
terests of the conclave in Leadenhall-street, belonging to both
services, are doubtless to be found in India, some dingy, and
some bilious, but very few rich ; and, generally speaking, these
elderly gentlemen have either taken to themselves wives in their
younger days, or have become such confirmed bachelors that
neither flashing eyes, smiling lips, lilies, roses; dimples, &c.,
comprehending the whole catalogue of female fascinations, can
make the slightest impression upon their flinty hearts. Happy
may the fair expectant account herself who has the opportunity
of choosing or refusing a rare avis of this nature,—some yellow
civilian out of debt, or some battered brigadier, who saw service
in the days of sacks and sieges, and who comes wooing in the
olden style, preceded by trains of servants bearing presents of
shawls and diamonds ! Such prizes are scarce. The damsel
educated in the fallacious hope of seeing a rich antiquated suitor
at her feet, laden with " barbaric pearl and gold," soon dis-
covers to her horror that if she should decide upon marrying at
all, she will be absolutely compelled to make a love match, and
select the husband of her choice out of the half-dozen subalterns
who may offer; fortunate may she esteem herself if there be
one amongst them who can boast a staff appointment, the adju-
tancy or quartermastership of his corps. 17ormerly when the
importations of European females were much smaller than at
present, men grew grey in the service before they had an oppor-
tunity of meeting with a wife, there consequently was a supply
of rich old gentlemen ready at every station to lay their wealth
at the feet of the new arrival; and as we are told that " mam-
mon wins its way where seraphs might despair," it may be sup-
posed that younger and poorer suitors had no chance against
these wealthy wooers. The golden age has passed away in In-
dia; the silver fruitage of the rupee tree has been plucked, and
Love, poverty stricken, has nothing left to offer but his roses.
—Asiatic Journal.

THE RIVAL COUSINS.—In attempting to pluck a rose from a
hedge for one of the cousins, Lord Delaford was thrown from
his horse.—" Fanny was some yards in advance, and only turned
round in time to see him as he was getting up from the ground,
and was therefore spared the first alarm. She was not a nerv-
ous, hysterical person; and although she turned pale, and trem-
bled, she did not fall from her horse, or do any thing that at-
tracted attention to herself. Isabella, really agitated, and really
nervous,. (as indulged find flattered people are apt to be,) shrieked
aloud, and burst into tears—real tears—for she affected nothing;
she only gave way to what she felt, from the consciousness that
she was charming, and that her emotions Would not appear 'dis-
agreeable and uninteresting. She was lifted off her horse, in a
fainting state. Lord Delaford was supporting her. .Every one
was busy about her. In the confusion, her fiat fell off, and all
her ringlets were floating on the wind : her eyes were half
closed; and the long lashes looked beautifully dark on her
cheek, which was really pate. Fanny thought she never saw
one look so lovely ! Lord, Delaford watched her revival with
an expression ot intense interest; and Fanny sat still on her
horse, unnoticed-and unregarded, with feelings of hardness and
bitterness which never before had been the inmates of her gen-
tle bosom. This protracted exhibition of sensibility appeared
to her perfectly. unnecessary; and she could not help thinking
that Isabella might have recovered sooner; that she might have
twisted up her own hair, and tucked it under her hat, without
any assistance from Lord Delaford; and that there was no
occasion for several ringlets to be allowed to escape, and to
stray over her face and shoulders."—Our readers need not be
told that marriage followed this—how Isabella was all gaiety
and grandeur, and Fanny all tears and"resignation; nor with
they wonder much to learn that after a journey to Italy, and a
twelvemonth's residence at home, something like a coldness
ensued between this picturesque lady and her lord; he loved
the joys of his own house—she desired those of the theatre and
the masquerade ; he wished to abide in the country, and to
make his people happy—she cared for no place but the town,
and. loved to see
Her flambeaux flash against the morning skies.
Discord Thud and fierce was about to break out, when Fanny
interposed, directed her cousin to the path of duty, and restored
happiness.—Atheneum.—Notice of Recollections of a Chaperon.