The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1833-03-29 00:00:00

SOUTHWARK,

Like to the damask rose, you see ;
Or like the blossom on the tree ;
Or like the dainty flower of May ;
Or like the morning of the day ;
Or like the sun, or like, the shade ;
Or like the gourd which Jonas had ;
Even so is man !—whose thread is spun,
Drawn out and cut ; and so is done.
The rose withers, the blossom blasteth ;
The flower fades, the morning hasteth ;
The sun setts, the shadow flies ;
The gourd consumes, and Maxi he dies !

THE WORLD'S PITY.

The pity OT the world ? A mourning smile !
A few smooth interjections, interspersed
With a few honied words—a seeming depth
Of feeling in a sorrowful tone. An eye
That looks with an inverted scan. An ear
That loiters with a plausive, passive, bend :
Appearing to receive the muff 'rers plaint,—
Without a tear of sympathetic birth,—
Without a sigh, from sweet Compassion's cell :
A sudden pause !—a thought; a promise ;—pres.s
Departure with an undefined excuse,
Yielding no comfort to a suppliant's claims :
Plunged in. the vortex, bent on sordid gain,
Omitting Pity's ill requited lot,
And happy in forgetting Misery's plight.

VALYCZ.LTZLIS.

Though all churches in the world have, and ever had, forms
of prayer, yet none was ever blessed with so comprehensive, so
exact, and so inoffensive a composure as ours; which is so ju-
diciously contrived, that the wisest may exercise at once their
knowledge and devotion ; and yet so plain, that the most igno-
rant may pray. with understanding ; so full, that nothing is
omitted which is fit to be asked 'in public; and so particular,
that it compriseth most things which we would ask in private.
Its doctrine is, pure and primitive : its ceremonies so few and
innocent that most of the Christian world agree in them ; its
method is exact and natural; its language significant and per-
spicuous, most of the words and phrases being taken out of the
holy scriptures, and the rest being the expresSions of the first
and purest ages; so that whoever takes exception at these,
must quarrel with the language of the Holy Ghost, and fall out
with the church in her purest innocence ; and, in the opinion of
thninost impartial and excellent Grotius, (who was no member
of, .nor had any obligation to this church,) the English liturgy
comes so near to tina primitive pattern, that none of the re-
formed churches can compare with it. And if anything exter-
nal be needful to recommend that which is so glorious within,
we may add that the compliers were (most of them) men of
great piety and learning, and (several of them) either martyrs
or confessors, upon the restitution of Popery ; which, as it de-
clares their piety,. so cloth the judicious digesting of -these
prayers evidence their learning; for therein a scholar may
discern close logic, pleasing rhetoric, pure divinity, and the
very marrow of the ancient doctrine and ; and yet
all made so familiar, that the unlearned may safely say, Amen!
Lastly, all these excellencies have obtained that universal re-
putation which these prayers enjoy in all the world ; so that
they are most deservedly admired by the eastern churches, and
had in great esteein by the most eminent Protestants beyond
sea, who are the most impartial judges that can be desired. In
short, this liturgy is honoured by all but the Humanists, whose
interests it opposeth, and the Dissenters whose prejudices will
not let them see its lustre. Whence it is that they call that
which the Papists hate, because it is Protestant, superstitious
and Popish.—Dr. Comber, on the Church Liturgy. •
IRISII CIRCUNILOCUTION.—Observing one day an unusual
commotion in the streets of Derry, 1 inquired of a bystander
the reason; and he, with a mellifluous brogue, replied in the
following, metaphorical manner :—" The reason, sir? Why,
ydu see that Justice and little Larry O'Hone, the carpenter,
have been putting up a picture-frame at the end of the strate
yonder, and thiy are going to hang one o(Adam's copies in it."
What's that ?—"Why, poor Murdock O'Donnel." Oh, there's
a man to be hung ?—" Do they put up a gallows for anv other
purpose?"—What's his offence ?—" No offence, your ii.onour;
it was only a liberty he took." Well, what was the liberty ?
" Why, you see, sir, pool Murdock was in delicate health, and
his physician advised that he should take exercise on horseback,
and so, having no horse of his own, he borrowed one from
Squire Doyle's paddock; and no sooner was lie on its showl-
ders, than the Devil put it into the cracker's head to go over to
Kellogreen cattlefair, where he had a good many acquaintances;
and wnen he was got there, Murdock spied a friend at the door
of a shebeen house, and left the animal grazing outside, whilst
he went in to have a thimbleful of whiskey; and then, you see,
they got frisky, and had another, and another, till poor Mur-
dock went to siape on the birch; and when lie wouke up, he
found the cracher gone, and his pocket stuffed full with a big
lump of money." In short, said I, you mean to say he has
been horse-stealing?---" Why, sir," he replied, stammering and
scratching his head, " they call it so in Eaagland."—Bernard's
Retrospectitms.

RECEIPT TO MAKE AJACOBIN.—( From an American Paper.)—
Take the herbs of hypocrisy, and the roots of ambition, six
ounces, and two ounces of pride and vain glory; bruise them
in the mortar of contention and discord; boil them over the
lire of sedition, until vou see the scum of falsehood swim on the
top ; strain it througfi the cloth of rebellion, put it in the bot-
tle of envy, and stop it close with the cork of malice; make
it-into the pills of conspiracy, of which take two when going to
bed. .1-hey will set the blood in a state of fermentation, and
you will find a comfortable relaxation iu cursing the President
of the United States,. and ali others of the legislative. body,
except those of your own stamp. It will take such an effect
that you will think of nothing but to cheat and slander your
neighbour—to deny the Christian religion—to establish Deism,
curse Bishops, behead Kings, and set up knaves and convicts
to rule the nation.—By an eminent Political Doctor.
CONFESSION OF AN IRISH PEASANT.—Luke M'Geoghan
being at confession; owned among other things that he had
stolen a pig from Tim Carrot. Tne priest told him he must
make jestitution; Luke couldn't—how could he, when he had
eaten it long ago ? Then he must give Tim one of his own.
No; Luke didn't like that—it wouldn't satisfy his conscience—
it wouldn't be the downright identical pig he stole. Well, the.
prriest said, if he wouldn't he'd rue it, for that the corpus delictuni,
im' s
.pig, would he brought forward against him at the final
reckoning. "You don't mane that, father?" "Indeed but
the father did." " And may be Tim himself will bOthere too ?"
"Most certainly." " Och, then, why bother about the trifle
this side the grave? If Tim's there, and the pig's there, sure
I can make restitution to him then, you know."
ART OF PRINTING.—A monument is about to be erected, by
subscription, in honour of Guttenberg, the inventor of the art
of printing, in the square which bears his name at Mentz, his
native town. His invention was tried at'Strasburg in the year
1436, and the first work he printed was published at Mentz in
1410, so that in three more years four centuries will have
elapsed since this great discovery was made.
MARCH OF REFINEMENT.—A Quaker lady was the other day.
told by her servant, a buxom wench of 20, that she was deter-
mined upon leaving her "sitiwation." . "For what reason wilt
thou leave me ?" asked her astonished mistress. " Why, mum,
cos your voshing gives me the spavins in my testaments, and I
have no time for my epistolatory correspondence!" Leave
granted to leave.
As a party of seamen were walking up Point-street, Ports-.
mouth, rather elated with liquor, a bull which had escaped
from the King's slaughter-house, came running towards the
jolly tars with his tail erect in the air, when all the - men
jumped out of his way except one, and he being an immense
sturdy fellow,. stood in the street directly in the way of the bull,.
and hailed him in the following words:—"Bull, ahoy ! Buil,
ahoy! I cry. Drop your peak, and put your helm a starboard,-
or you'll run aboard of me ?" The buil, continuing his course,
came in contact with Jack, and capsized him; but, Jack not
being intimidated, sprung from the ground,' and shaking his
clothes,- very good-naturedly observed to the bull, "Oh, you
lubberly beast, I told you how it would be."
AN EXTEMPORE BULLET.—A Portuguese soldier, being sur-
rounded by• the enemy, and having no ball to charge his
musket, pulled' out one of his teeth., and with it supplied the-
place of a bullet. —l:This hero ought .to have had the name of
_ben-tams given him.]
ST. LEON :ice's or SKA.—A desperate engagement took place
on Sunday night; in what are called the Darks, near the blar-
tellO Tower,. No. 51, between the smugglers and the Coast
Guard, which it is much feared, ended in loss of life, though no
bodies have been round or pristine's taken. The boat which
contained the spirits, and woien was unsuccessful in making a
ending, cleared off.—Brivitton Gaze tie.