Star.
London, England, 1830-11-18 00:00:00

IS THERE AO BALM IN GILEAD?

TO THE EDITOR OF THE STAR.

SIR,

The facetious GROSE published a work entitled, I think,
" The sure way to Health, Wealth, Riches, and Honour."
He proves, that to obtain all these blessings, an aspirant
has nothing to do, but to apply himself to the study of the
daily advertisements in a newspaper ; and avail himself of
the kind and fair offers made in them, pro bono public°. To
confirm this view, he presents his readers with a collection
of advertisements. lam inclined to think that be has not
explained, to the full extent, the blessings to be obtained
from advertisements; and conceive I could show, that not only
the evils, physical and mental, of the microcosm—or little
world of a man's body—but the great world of political so-
ciety might have its evils often remedied by a due, and
timeous application, of the many blessings held out by them,
for the relief and convenience of suffering humanity.
To illustrate what I mean, I shall just afford you two or
three instances. Much is said just now about reform in
Parliament, and purifying the elective franchise, so as to
prevent all corrupt practices at elections. For this object
some propose the ballot ; while others are terrified at the
very word. Now, if you do but turn to the Advertisements
in the Tutu, you will find—you start at the idea of find-
ing out any Advertisement in the Times, and truly I admit
it is something like the often mentioned labour of finding a
needle in a load of hay ;—but, if you have not patience for
searching that Golgotha of journals, look into any of the
others, and you will find a remedy for corruption, at a small
expense, and far more easy of application than the ballot ;
I mean " The Patent Detergent Lotion for the Hands."
I need not remind you, that all you want to effect is, that
electors come to the poll with clean hands. What so simple,
then, as to insure, at the expense of the county, burgh, or'
city, where the election takes place, an ample supply of
this useful lotion, to be used secundem artem. Even the
successful candidate, on taking his seat, might not be the
worse, sometimes, to use " the Patent Detergent Lo-
tion for the Hands." A supply of the same article at the
Custom House, might save a vast expenditure to.the pub-
lie ; and some people think a little supply might be very
desirable, for the use of gentlemen of the long robe, in West-
minster Hall. It is, however, principally as a succedcuseuas
for the ballot at elections* that I recommend its utility;
for unless the electors go to vote with clean hands, it is
perfectly impossible to insure a virtuous Parliament.
So far, I think, I have been successful in proving that
reformers may obtain their object, by availing themselves
of an advertisement; nor are the enemies to reform—those
that are terrified at popular excitement—without a remedy
for their dreaded evils,: if they do but look out among the
advertisements. It is well known, that they are alarmed at
the inflammatory speeches of the Rotunda orators. What
should be their remedy ? Turn to the papers—do they not
see " Duggin's Ventilating Hats" staring them in the face ?
What so useful for a politician, as to keep his head cool ?
With a little persuasion, even Mr. HUNT might, perhaps,
be induced to mount one of the ventilating hats ; and then
the inflammatory mischief might be checked at the foss •
fain-head. A few, too, of these hats might be available,
now and then, in arliament.

There is another advertisement which strikes my eye oc-
casionally in your columns, viz. " Winds Renovating Mix-
ture ;" which, according to the printed description, " gig
to a halted coat, all the bright hue and gloss of a new one."
Now, I should like to know, what could be so neefol, just at
the present moment, to many asovisse-se the phrase
is, in the higher circles—asthe application of this useful

mixture ? lam even inclined to think, that some " Gen-
tlemen of the Press" I could mention, might find my re-
commendation of this ingenious mixture, of much use, at
this perplexing juncture. There is, likewise, another ad-
vertisement, I should recommend to their attention, under
the peculiar circumstances of the times, namely," Carstairs'
Talantagraph for tremulous, or timid writers." I need not re-
mind you,how useful many of the innumerable " strengtheners
of the nerves," and " nervous cordials," which are advertised
daily in the newspapers, would have been, about the 9th of
the present month, both at the east and west end of the
town. " Digestive Pills," and " Fat Bacon," that cu-
rious remedy for weak stomachs, used formerly to be the
only advertised articles which obtained a ready sale about
this season, among the members of the Court of
Aldermen ; but it is now found that both the Courts
of Aldermen and Common Council, would not be tho
worse, occasionally, of some of the aforesaid remedies, for
" nervous tremblings, and preter-natural fiutterrings of the
heart, and of the animal spirits," &c. &c. minutely de-
scribed in many advertisements. I would recommend the
City, at all events, to keep a constant supply under key.
Those of our Statesmen who are now retiring from
office, might find much benefit, by the " Patent recum-
bent chair," recommended in your yesterday's paper ; while
those coming in might, at a time when so much diplomacy
is required, have their attention advantageously directed to
the " Penna-dup/ex," or " double writer," which has so
long been before the public. Even foreign potentates—
if they would so far condescend—might obtain security, by
consulting the columns of our " broad sheets." It is true, the
Belgians have lately brought " Dutch drops" into great
disrepute ; and the fame of " Friar's Balsam" has been
ruined by FERDINAND of Spain. " Riga Balsam," too,
is of very little importance now, except among the Turks ;
but the King of the FRENCII-if he knew what he wore
about—would import an ample quantity of Mrs. JOHNSON'S
" Soothing Syrup ;" and some of Gssine's " Quieting
Draughts" might be of use in Germany and Italy.
But it is not only his Majesty's subjects in the political
world, who might receive a benefit from attention to ad-
vertisements. Our inestimable Monarch himself, it is evi-
dent, could not fail to find some, worthy of his Royal notice.
How useful could the " Cabinetmakers' Company"
be to him, at the present moment, when so anxiously
engaged in supplying himself with a new Cabi-
net ? The members of that useful company could,
for instance, warn him against young, and unseasoned wood,
which, it is well known, is apt to warp and fly to pieces ;
while they could show ;him likewise that very old, cross-
grained, knotted pieces of timber, are equally unfit
for use, from their stubbornness and unbending na-
ture. The Society might possibly supply him with a little
glue ; if, as is sometimes the case, with hastily got up Ca-
binets, the parts should show a tendency to split. Even if
a screw should be loose, they would know how to replace
it ; and above all, they could show how essential to the ap-
pearance of the Cabinet it is, that its nobs should always
be tolerably bright.
Thus, Sir, I hope I have proved to you, that the study of
advertisements, is of the highest importance to a politician;
and that most of our political evils, as well as our corporeal,
might be remedied, by availing ourselves of the blessings so
liberally held up to our notice, in the public papers.
I am, Sir, Your* des
London, 18th Nov. PHILO-PUFF.

THE COMIC OFFERING, OR LADIES' MELANGE.

SMITH and ELDICS.

Ibis volume has afforded us a rich treat, and the inge-
nious authoress has proved her right to the name of She-
ridan. If we understand her correctly, and she be really
the designer of the humourous plates, as well the authoress
of the literary matter, her merit is truly surprising. Innu-
merable are the good things which the collection contains.
We think the misfortunes of the " inclined plane" were
never so amusingly set forth. It is a paper worthy of any
of our classical Essayists. We shall give an extract of
the Prose. We wish we could steal some of tho comic il-
lustrations which are unequalled by any of the kind.