The Sun.
London, England, 1829-01-14 00:00:00

GUILDHALL.

" A BIT of Futst."—Mrs. Olivia Brown—a very
brown Olivia—was charged before Mr. Alderman
BIRCH', yesterday, with having feloniously deprived
one Mr. Richard Puttick of a black-hafted knife and
fork, value sixpence.
" May it please your Worship," said Mr. Put-
tick, " I am a cook ;"--and there he stopped, as
though he expected his Worship to say whether or
not it did please him. His Worship, however, gave
no sign, either one why or the other; and Mr. Put-
tick proceeded :—" I am a cook, and carry on the
cooking trade at No. 81, Smithfield. Last night this
lady (meaning thereby Mistress Olivia Brown)
comes into my cook-shop to take her supper. She
had two penn'orth of leg o' beef and cold potatoes
—all which was very well ; but, when she had ate
up the two penn'orth of leg o'beef and cold potatoes,
she pocketted the knife and fork, and would have
given me leg bail, if one of my waiters had not ran
after her and brought her back."

This was Mr. Puttick's case.
Mrs. Olivia Brown, in reply, admitted the leg o'
beef, but she positively denied the leg bail. " I
tuck two penn'orth o' leg o' beef, certainly," said
she; " and, what's more, I paid for it honest; but
as to all that about the knife and fork, I only did it
for a bit of fun. Do you think I'd go to steal his
nasty knife and fork? Not I indeed ! They wasn't
worth the stealing. I popp'd 'em under my apron,
uot into my pocket, for I've no notion of putting
greasy knives and forks into my pocket indeed !
And you may take my word for it, your Worship,
that it was for nothing but a bit of fun."
" What are you ?" said the ALDERMAN.—" Why
I have been a servant ; and you may depend upon
it this was only a bit of fan," replied Mrs. Oliiia
Brown.

"Can you get:any body to give you a character ?"
said the ALDEUNAN.-" Why I don't know," re-
plied Mrs. Olivia Brown; " I don't think I can;
and if I could, I shouldn't like to trouble 'ern about
such atrifle :"

" Well," said the ALDERMAN, " I shall not press
the eharge.against you if the prosecutor does not."
" Your Worship," said the prosecutor, " one
knife and fork is a trifle certainly, and I should not
have troubled your Worship with it if I was not
robbed in this way continually. I have been robbed
of more than thirteen dozen of knives and forks
within the last twelve months, and I don't know
how I am to pay my rent and taxes if people are to
be suffered to plunder me in this way."
" Well, I'll remand her until Thursday—let her
be brought up again on Thursday," said the ALDER-
MAN ; and the prosecutor went away, seeming by no
means satisfied with the issue of the " bit of fun."
HUMPLRYS V. JOHNSON.—In this case Mr. Wm.
Johnson was charged with having assaulted Mr.
Benjamin Humphrys with a certain out of the way
weapon—to wit, a saucepan of potatoes.
" Mr. Johnson owes me money, which I can't
get it by reason I can never find him at home."
said Mr. Humphrys in his opening. " But last night,"
he continued—" last night as ever was, I hears him
and his wife talking, by reason they live in the next
room to mine. So I goes in ; and Mr. Johnson,'
says I, I'll thank you to pay Oh, yes,' says
he, ' 11l pay you ;'—by which means he snatches a
saucepan iof boiling hot potatoes off the fire, and
gives me such a whack on the mouth with it, that I
thought ali my teeth were going down my throat t.
But, as good luck would have it, they're still in the
right place, though desperate loose, and my lip was
cut, as your Worship may see."—As you may
plainly see, he might have said ; for his upper lip
was so swollen that it looked more like the upper
mandible of that amply-beaked bird the tancan, than
the lip of a Christian creditor.

Mr. Humphrys, in reply, admitted having gi sett
Mr. Johnson " a whack" on the mouth with his
saucepan of potatoes; and he contended that the
whack and the weapon were both justifiable under
the peculiar circumstances of the ease. " I were in
bed," said he, " with nothing on but ray shirt, whets
Mr. Johnson comes and bustes-in the door of my
department ;—by means of which, I gets up, with
nothing on but my shirt, and tells him, Mr. John-
son,' says I, I thinks you moughten ha' come at a
more decenter time,' says I; by which means he runs
at me, with nothing on but my shirt, and pushes me
right over the table, and broke it all to smash ! by
means of which I gathers myself up, with nothing
on but my shirt, and returns the compliment with the
potatoe-saucepan—which it stood handy by, and I
could see nothing else to return the compliment with
—in regard I had nothing on but my shirt."
Mr. Johnson, in his replication to this defence,
solemnly denied that he either burst open the door
or smashed the table. " I am on my oath," said
he, " and Mr. Humphrys is not."
" I think I must dismiss this ease," said the Al-
derman to Mr. Johnson, " for you see you are con-
tradicted ; und, at all events, it was very unseason-
able to demand money of a man when he was in bed."
And the case was dismissed accordingly, Mr.
Johnson taking nothing by his motion but the whack
on his mouth with the potatoc-saucepau.