The Sun.
London, England, 1829-03-21 00:00:00

A short time since a young tradesman of this
town applied to one of our resident Magis-
trates for a warrant, under the following ludicrous
circumstances. Having observed, with equal ad-
miration and envy, the air of fashion and military
importance which some of his companions as-
sumed on Sundays, when arrayed in their holyday
costume, for which he clearly saw they were mainly
indebted to the projecting moustaches on their
upper lips, and the enormous whiskers in which
both cheeks were enveloped, he bad recourse to a
whiskered friend of his, whom he made the confi-
dant of his misfortune. His friend admitted, that
unprovided with such an indispensible requisite in
the court of Venus, as a pair of whiskers, he could
never hope to marry, but told him that his case was
by no means desperate, and assured him that if
he would advance the trifling sum of five shillings,
he would, in the short space of one night, insure him
a pair of whiskers, whose luxuriant growth should
excite the envy of the best appointed hussar in his
Majesty's service. The required sum was instantly
produced, and the faithful confidant soon brought
the infallible ointment, which he was directed to
apply at night to each side of his face, and which he
accordingly did, in full anticipation of its miraculous
effects. Sleep, however, forsook his eyelids—he
was roused by twitches, and shooting pains in each
of his anointed cheeks, which increased to such a
degree, as to cause tears to flow from his eyes. He
consoled himself, however, with the reflection that
the pangs he endured proceeded from the rapid
sprouting of the hair in a quarter hitherto unacus-
wined to this mysterious process of nature, and the
sharper the pain, the more exaggerated were his
expectations of the splendid effects of the grand
specific. At length the welcome dawn appeared,
and the hero of our narrative sprung from his couch,
(which, in truth, had not been " a bed of roses,").
all impatient to feast his sleepless eyes with a sight
of the love-inspiring ornaments, for the sake of
which he had patiently endured a night of torture.
With one long stride he attained the necessary po-
sition for beholding in his faithful mirror the ap-
palling effects of the treachery of his faithless friend.
in vain he rubbed his eyes, and rubbed his glass,—
tbe fatal; truth could neither be disguised nor pal-
liated, and instead of a pair of bushy, well-propor-
tioned, jet black whiskers, according to Op most ap-
proved cut, he beheld with dismay, projecting from
his cheeks, two huge, unsightly bladders, which (as
our readers will guess) had been generated by the
stimulating influence of a potent HORSE BLISTER !
Rage, grief, and shame, alternately took possession
of our hapless hero—at length the former predorpir
noted, and he hastened on the wings of revenge to
the residence of the worthy Magistrate already men-
tioned, to whom he told his tale of woe, exhibiting at
the same time one side of his face entire)) raw and
excoriated, and the other still inflated with its watery
contents. He besought the Magistrate, with sundry
grimaces and contortions, to grant him a warrant
forthwith, against his faithless friend, for the com-
plicated injuries he had heaped ~upon biro—nor
could he be persuaded that the affair did not come
within magisterial cognizance, but departed in high
dudgeon ; when the worthy Magistrate (who with
difficulty preserved his gravity) observed, that he
must be a very silly fellow to suffer himself to be so
egregionSly duped, and advised him to say as little
about the hoax which had been practised on his ere-,
dulous vanity, unless bet wished to become the laugh!
ingsstock of all his acquaintance.—C4eitettium C4rou!