The Sun.
London, England, 1827-09-12 00:00:00

A PRACTICAL FARMER.

ABSURDITIES IN PROSE AND VERSE.—Written
and Illustrated by A. CROWQUILL. London, 1827.
This is a mistake : it should have been " Ab-
surdities, &c. by A. Goosequill," not " Crow-
quill," for never yet did a volume so thoroughly
justify its title. Puns—of that poetic character,
allowed neither by Gods, men, nor columns—
abound in every page (line we should rather say),
but as these verbal enormities at present are all
the fashion, to the exclusion of Farquhar, Con-
greve, and Sheridan, we suppose we must say
nothing against them. We may, however, just
remark, en passant, that in the works of our
genuine wits a pun is seldom or never admitted.
The man whose thoughts and sensibilities are
cast in a witty mould will never condescend to a
mere'verbal joke, which a short-sighted reader
could not see without his spectacles. Swift, in-
deed, perpetrated occasional puns ; but then he
more than atoned for this absurdity by " G ulliver"
and the " Tale of a Tub ;" our modern wits,
on the contrary, are punsters, nothing more, their
waggeries depend for effect on the state of the
reader's optics ; no pleasurable sensations are
excited by their mechanical faceteness, for it
requires the sign-posts of Italics or Capitals to be
set up, in order to show that wit either is or meant
to be in the neighbourhood. Where, for in-
stance, without such landmarks, is the humour-
of the following stanza ?
And Mr. Trott was trotting there,
When Biddy Lowe so smart
Just passed—and tho' she only walked,
Her eyes ran thro' his heart.
Yet Italicise the words " trotting" and " ran,"
and the joke instantly becorries superlative.—
There are divers other waggeries equally side-
splitting, pickled in the preserves of these multi-
farious Absurdities, which (as we are fearful they
will not keep) we shall at once indulge the
reader with. If, however, his taste be accustomed
to the piquant healthy viands of Congreve, She-
ridan, and Canning, he will not, we think, much
relish such forced meats. In the first accom-
plished Ballad of " Tim Trott and Biddy Lowe"
(founded on Mr. Hood's popular Whims and
Oddities) we find these triple jests:—
, " With piteous look he eyed the maid
But could'nt hide his grief."—
" I've sighed and sighed, until I am
Like one beside myself.''—
" You know I've cut you, aye, for long,
So now I'll cut you short."—
" Spectatum admissi, risum teneatis, amici ?"
In another ballad 'cleped the" Tallow-chandler,"
Mr. Crowquill thus alludes to his hero :
" Tho' damsels short he loved right well,
He better loved long nights,
For he thought not of his heart so much
As he thought of—his lights."
Exquisite wag ! again :----
" Quoth he, trade is an ocean wide,
I must provide for gales,
For like unto a sailor, I
• Depend upon nay sales."
'ln a prose tale, christened the " Dwarf"—
which it much resembles in intellect,—we
dis-
cover, to our infinite admiration, the following very
outrageous witticisms :—" If Apiciu3 Von R ip-
pel did at first groan a little, he had grown so
much lately that lie appeared to have risen supe-
rior to the world, &e."—" If I outrun thee,
thou wilt run out of thy wits."—" I have not
the right use of my left leg." To the few sides
that have not yet split with reading these " Ab-
surdities" we would recommend (with the pre-
caution of stiff stays) the essay on a Baker and
a Pot Boy. The " Ode to Mr. James Atkin-
son" is not amiss in the way of Absurdity, indeed
it is a toss up which is the absurdest of the two,
that or the other ; but the legend called the
" Burly Leman," decidedly leaves all compe-
tition behind it. We wish we could say as
much for the long story of " Apicius Von Bum-
mell," but it is simply stupid ; and when so
many similar works are daily, indeed hourly,
manufactured, it is the stupidest only that can
claim attention.
We have been induced to notice this volume
of insufferable bare-faced trash for two reasons :
first, because it is the representative of a style
of wit very prevalent at the present day, when
even in private life the stream of conversation
is perpetually diverted by some stupid leaden-
headed punster ; and secondly, because its author,
in the very plenitude of his literary arrogance,
has taken special care to record his dulness in
almost every provincial newspaper. Before we
conclude we will just beg leave to ask one per-
tinent question :in the title-page we find the
portrait of a gentleman with a very flourishing
fool's cap and bells on his head. Pray is this
a likeness of the author ?

THE TURKS.—TakeD en masse, the Turks
are the finest-looking race of men in the world :
their oval heads, arching brows, jetty eyes, and
aquiline noses, their lofty figures and stately
mien, aryall set off to full advantage by their
ample robes and graceful turbans ; all ease and
proportion about a Turk : there are no angles or
straight lines in his features or person ; in all we
find the pure curve of manly beauty and majestic
grace. It is inconceivable what a miserable
figure an Englishman of an European makes
beside him ; his black unmeaning hat, harlequin
pantaloons, and straight-cut coat, (which will
one. puzzle those of posterity who shall be
anti day
quarie
, contrast so villainously
s in costume
with the picturesque head-dress, ample trowsers,
)
glossyaid fl
o beardsgsse of the
c o n
tetn
pOt t t
on
nm at
the
we, •
effeminatehis
chin of the clipped and docked European. His
arms, for a in the East all arm," usually consist
of a pair of superbly chased pistols, stuck in a
silkenlagrer sash ; an ataghan, with a jewelled handle;
a and more clumsy knife, called a hanjar,
and a
scymetar swinging in a scabbard, covered
with green or crimson velvet, (as the owner,
being an Emir or otherwise, is entitled to carry
it), and ornamented with bosses of gold. The
latter, in general, the most important and
v
is,portion of his arms, or even of his pro-
perty.able
alu
valued at 200 or 300 dollars, and many are said
to be worth triple that sum ; they all retain the
name of Damascus, though it is by no means
likely that they have been manufactured there.—
The twisting and intermingling of the fibres of
the metal ala
rehevoe never
lied seen as
anyth possessed the tests of excel-
lence,the but
perfume said to be incorporateodss w
steel in the real Damascus sabres.—Letter- front
the Levant. N.B. The author of that splendid
with
hd
the of
fiction " Anastasius, ' confirms the truth of these
observations.