The Sun.
London, England, 1859-06-01 00:00:00

A HUNDRED-700y LoRD
DERB.Y:

(From the Frtchian.)
LORD DERBY'S BETTING-BOOK.
In these days of mesmerism and clairvoyance no
one need ask how we saw and heard Lord Derby
soliloquising with his betting-book in his hand,
which, in his most private apartment, he had just
drawn forth from his pocket, to console himself
after having had to make all pleasant with a
neutrality deputation—with those plebeian cits who
have no simpathy with,the majesty and gentleness
of Austria' who would not gven draw a cheque of
fifty pounds to save her from subsidence in Austria
Proper.
No v, said his lordship to himself, his little book,
and the four walls--now then, is the time to make
up for all I lost on Toxopholite last year. A pretty
round sum I had to make good for backing hint
on the Derby ; this time I'll bet, not for the Derby,
but for Derby himself. Yes, yes, the master will
do better than his horse. If I can't win the Derby,
I say, Derby shall win. Ha! capital. But what
shall the odds be, ten to one, or a hundred to one?
Let me see, there can surely be no doubt that I
am safe to win. Twenty-six seats I know I have
gained—let them get over that. Fifty-two on a
division, my Lords Palmerston and Russell! what
say you to that? You crammed the House to the
uttermost, you inflicted a majority of forty votes,
save one, upon me, and you see what you have got by
it---gained a loss of sixteen votes ! My lords and
gentlemen, you of the Whigs I mean, I shall beat
you by much more than half a neck or so, I shall
win in a canter. I really must say a hundred to
one on Derby and Dizzy. [Servant enters.]—
" Please, my lord, did you call me ?" " Oh, no,
John; this gout is, is—very plaguing. John, we
should not swear; but bad as it is, I was only
laughing to myself to think how I have dished the
Whigs. I don't tell you, John, not to let out what
you found your master laughing at ; it may be useful
at Chesham-place or the Reform Club ; and, perhaps,
at Cambridge House, too. You'll meet some of the
servants soon, no doubt." "I understand, my lord,
tell them all not to repeat what I ought not
to have told them, and then all, the Clubs, and The
Morning Post, too, will soon know of it." [Exit
John.]
A clever fellow that! something will surely turn
up, before we are turned down, for him. Derby
and Dizzy, I was saying—why, yes. What an odd
race this is. Hem ! A pair of us on both sides.
Derby and Dizzy, little Johnny and Pam. Odd
that ! Who can say which is first—whether 'tis
Dizzy and I, or, as Old Wolsey would have said,
I and Dizzy ? Well, any how, I can't win
unless Dizzy and I reach the post together,
nor can the others unless they both are in first;
ha, ha! rich, that. But then my pair are a pair.
We never try to get ahead of each other. He
is best pleased to be first in his way and I in mine.
But those two Whig jades—if one sees the other
ahead he would rather lay hold of his tail and pull
him back if he could, so jealous is one lest the
other should be nominally first. Blockheads ! Why
Russell and Palmerston must both be really in any
Cabinet they were both in, just as I and my pair;
I hope they won't see what fools they are before
the grouse wants them, and then we are all safe
enough till 1860. Yes, I think I'm safe with a
hundred to one for Derby and Dizzy against
Russell and Palmerston.
[Takes zip " The Morning Post" of Monday.]
Oh, fudge—" no schism in the Liberal camp "
isn't there ? " The assertion of irreconcilable
differences or personal rivalry between the two is
a pure myth." Well, The Post ought to know. It
was no myth, however, that Lord John turned
Lord Palmerston out in 1851 for acting too
indepeidently (I keep Malmesbury in better order),
and Palmerston paid Lord John out the next year;
and then that Vienna business ;—no, these are not
myths. "No reason to doubt that, when I resign"
—yes, when I do—first catch your hare—" I shall
advise her Majesty to send for Lord Palmerston"—
yes, will I—" and if the Queen should say she
would rather have Lord John, the old Foreign
Secretary, who has so willingly assisted so
many Administrations, would again place himself
at the disposal of his friend." Friend !—hem ;
well. The Post should know. " Assisted
so many Administrations." Ah, well, that's true
enough—a very Talleyrand—none ever came amiss
to him. Yet, why wouldn't he come to me ? Only
Saturday last my wife and daughter were at Lady
Palmerston's reception ; yes, here it is in The Post !
I don't, however, quite like this talked-of friend-
ship; they may both join against me ; but how long
will they keep together? [Very gravely and
slowly]—l don't like it, no I don't. Ten to one
will be safer.

[Looking at a "Morning Star."] These penny
papers—wonderful things to be sure, but can't
last. Bright's organ, they say, that. "I don't
know that person " don't recollect that I
ever saw him. Cotton lords !—hang them all !
Ali, but South Lancashire, though ! Well, some
of them are patriots. And this Bright broad-brim
—DlizY-says he's really a wonderful fellow, and he
did us good service last session. Aye, and so he
may this. He and his dont't care a rap for either
of the two lords. They want their Low Borough
Franchise, the Ballot, Church-rate Abolition (hang
that cool-headed son of mine), and they won't vote
with the Whigs unless Messieurs les Viys give
them some of these things. We must work that
dodge, then, and we will, too. We'll get it
round to friend Broadbrirn, and Roebuck, and
Gibson, and the rest of them, that the country
will utterly despise them if they sell themselves to
the Whigs, and if they 6t.none of their demands
in return. And then if Lord John does concede
any substantial Reform, why he and Palmerston will
never week together. A bright thought that, friend
Bright. You and yours will certainly act independ-
ently. Our journals shall praise your freedom from
faction, and your consistency, and your determination
not to be made the football of party. Well, then—let
us reckon again. lyfty majority they pretend to make
out of the returns, although I turned their majority
of thirty-nine into a minority, by my twenty-six
new seats, At the worst, I fancy, the Radicals will
ifm muster many
anag.e moretwhealnl, fiofntya—pathertyy
mwoitl li
own a; l ka
nodu t,
I
shall beat 'eni, that I shall. Yes—yes--it shall be
a hundred to one on Derby.
[Enter John again.] "Whose card, John ?"
~ Cardinal Wiseman's, my lord." "Oh dear, dear
—well, give him the politest answer you can,
but bid him say, if noticed, that he came
to sea a Catholic clerk ;—and that it won't
suit either his purpose or mine to confer
openly—mention the name of Bowyer to him."
Ah ! hasn't that Catholic dodge been a good
one l The Pope and Wiseman are not such bad
fellows after all. They shall do a little more service
in the House yet, besides what they did at the elec-
tions. Why that Ecclesiastical Titles Bill of Lord
John's—what a fool the fellow was to affront the
Catholics,—that Bill has given me half-a-score votes,
or more, this very election ! Well, well, the short
and the long of it is, I mean to win—what with the
Pope, and John Bright, and Whig quarrels, and
Downing-street good things, Derby and Dizzy shall
be the winners ; Derby and Dizzy shall eat the
whitebait dinner. It shall be a hundred to one
for Derby and Dizzy.

IRELAND.

DUBLIN, TUESDAY MORNING.

THE WAR.
Accounts from Cork speak of the melancholy and
deserted state to which that harbour is reduced
by the war in Italy. Instead of a great crest of
masts, from which floated the flags of all nations,
there is now nothing but a silent waste of waters.