The Sun.
London, England, 1832-08-06 00:00:00

MARLBOROUGH-STREET.

Mrs. Lucretia Iveson, a fat lady, considerably
above forty, bedizened with pink ribands, and ac-
companied by her spouse, carrying a huge bundle of
greasy papers, and a sack-full of something, ap-
peared before Mr. DYER, to justify sundry slaps
which she had inflicted on the shoulders of Miss
Euphemia Matilda Chaffey.

The assault, however, was merely an episode, as
the main grievances on both sides were old grudges,
which had arisen between them, in consequence of
keeping rival lodging-houses in the rural purlieus of
the " rookery."

Mr. Ezekiel Chaffey, the papa of Miss Euphe-
mia, came accompanied by a host of his lodgers,
and it was evident, cross warrants having been ob-
tained, that both sides came prepared for victory.
Miss Euphemia deposed to the reception of three
slaps as she was " drawring a shay" past the door of
Mrs. Iveson's domicile.

Mrs. Iveson, when called upon to account for this
breach of the peace, bristled forward, and, with all
the dignity of a new-fledged barrister, assured the
Magistrate she came fully prepared to lay before him
the merits of her case.

" Will you have the papers or the stones first,
my love ?" said Mr. Iveson, poking his nose over
the rails.

" Hand me my papers, Mr. Iveson," said the
lady.—(The papers were handed to her.) "And
now, your Worship, I beg leave to begin my state-
ment by going backwards ten or twelve years, when
Mr. Chaffey first began to throw stones in my airey."
" Stop," said Mr. DYER, "I cannot hear any-
thing which may have occurred previously to the
assault complained of. You must confine yourself
to that transaction."

Mrs. Lucretia looked quite dumbfounded at this
decision, and her husband having unluckily at this
time given her a gentle nudge, Mrs. Iveson, who
was evidently not only the "better half," but the
" better horse," returned the compliment with her
elbow with such force as to make him grunt like a
pavior.

" The reason why I slapped the girl," responded
Mrs. Lucretia, " was because she grinned at the
lodgers in my airey."
" Yes, my dear," said the -husband, and " Iv'e
cotched her grinning at me, and when I remonster-
rated her, her father has threatened to punch nzy
head if I was sarcy."
Mr. DYER said he could not consider the assault
justifiable, because the child laughed at her lodgers.
" What!" said Mrs. Iveson;" is such scandalous
and atrocious conduct to go unpunished ? If it is,
we shan't be safe in our beds. Here's her father even
done worse. He has repeatedly thrown stones in
my airey, and only last week seduced away one of
our best lodgers by offering to take her off 3d. a week,
and find her in crockery.
Mr. Chaffey having dropped a hint reflecting on
the purity of Mr. Iveson's house and lodgers, Mrs.
1., who had been bursting with mortification at the
symptoms of her rival's triumph, here attacked Mr.
Chaffey. " Oh, you nasty wretch," said she, " you
abuse my house, will you ? I'll put you in the
Classical Court for this, I will."
" I'll sarve him with a copy of a writ to-morrow
morning, lovey," said Mr. Iveson, putting in his oar.
" Get out of the office, you numbskull," said his
wife, giving him another poke.
The Magistrate cut the recrimination of all par-
ties short by directing that Mr. Iveson should enter
into recognizance for his wife.