The Sun.
London, England, 1869-06-10 00:00:00

THE COMIC PAPERS.

(From the Opal.)
DIPLOMATIC HINTS.

Dear Sir,—l send you your official instructions, which,
as they instruct you in nothing, may keep you from error.
It is as well to add a few private hints to regulate your
conduct in the Old Country:-
1. The less you talk the better for us, and the less bad
sherry you drink at public dinners the better for yourself.
2. Your historical knowledge may be of some assistance
to you in a country where everything is historical, from a
statesman's conscience to orange marmalade ; but you
know, from experience, that history is not made by after-
dinner speeches stimulated by sentiments which have in
them more of the Dutch than the Republican.

3. You may safely take a cocktail with Clarendon
before dinner, and liquor-up occasionally with Otway.
Both are safe ; but beware how you indulge in the fragrant
Havana with the wily Hammond. He begins by nibbling,
and ends in smoke.

4. In your intercourse with the British aristocracy you
will conform to the usages of what they are pleased to call
polite society by exchanging your Panama for a chimney.
pot, and endeavouring to wean yourself from the use of
the spittoon.
5. If you find, as I guess you will, that the whole aris-
tocracy are ready to prostrate themselves before the repre-
sentative of the Star-spangled Banner, you will receive
their advances with the dignity and reserve which becomes
the envoy of a free people. On the other hand, if any
effete scion of hereditary tyranny gives you the cold
fasoulder, you may rely upon your President if you
unhesitatingly toss him up against the sun and scorch his
back.—Yours respectfully, ULYSSES GRANT.

To Mr. Motley.
P.S.— You had better go to church regularly on Sunday,
as Britishera like it.

(From Punch.)

THE, NOBILITY AND THE NOBLE ANlMAL.—Another
nobleman, and a duke, is done up by the Turf. His
Grace has failed for upwards of £95,000. A man in the
way of being ruined used to be said to be going to the
dogs. In the same way, when a peer or any other person
of property goes on the Turf, it had better become cus-
tomary to say that he is going to the horses.

KEEP THE MONEY AT IlomE.—" Oriental Bazaar, at
the Queen's Rooms, Hanover-square, on behalf of the
Palestine Christian Union Mission to the Arabs." Has
not a word dropped out here ? Ought it not to be "to
the Street Arabs?" Too many of them may be found in
London, looking as though they sorely needed attention
from some mission or other. Cannot Arabia wait until
heathen London shews a little more improvement?
SEAMANSHIP AND SPORTING.—A masterly letter on
" The Turf" appeared the other day in the Timor, occupy-
ing about a column and a third of the leading journal.
It was signed "11. J. Rolls, Admiral." "I have been on
the Turf upwards of fifty years," says Admiral Rous
therein. Truly the gallant Admiral may be regarded as
the Patriarch of the Turf. There are Admirals of the
Red, the White, and the Blue. Should not Admiral Rous
be constituted Admiral of the Grey, or the Bay, or the
Brown, or the Chesnut? There are even those who dare
to whisper that the distinguished naval officer who pre-
sides over the Jockey Club deserves to be appointed, not
without a proper increase of pay, Commander of the
Horse Marines,

(From Fun.)

WALL-EYED WISDOM.—To judge from the good pictures
they rejected, and the bad ones they hung, the R.A.'s
would seem to have been guided by the old saying, "Let
the weakest go to the wall ! "

A REALLY-ABLE TEACHER.—" A Schoolmaster," writing
to the Public Schools Chronicle about the escape of the
captive balloon, is quite as much abroad as the balloon.
He says no " reliable " tidings have been received of the
missing machine. Suaviter in modo we beg to tell him
there's no such word in the English language, and if he
uses it again he ought to be to the fortiter in re-liable.
DE LUNATICO.—" The Man in the Moon," we are
informed in an ancient rhyme, " came down too soon to
ask his way to Norwich." That must have been a very
long time ago, for the recent disclosures before the com-
mittee for trying the Norwich election petition would
seem to indicate that his services have been fully appre-
ciated there for many years. But this time he did not
burn his mouth, but his fingers.